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GOODWIN'S WeBKIY. 7
j . (gitepaipy Bofe.
! "Ruthless Rhymes."
R. H. Russell & Co. of New York are the
publishers of a bunch of jingles put into
shape by Coloned D. Steamer and weirdly
illustrated by John W. Alexander.
These "Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless
Homes" are painfully original but their
I entrance into the exclusive nurseries of the
i land is doubtful. For instance, the Colonel
says of "Necessity:"
I , Late last night I slew my wife,
I Stretched her on the parquet flooring;
I was loath to take her life,
But I had to stop her snoring.
Another touching thing tells of the last
hours of "Aunt Eliza," and a sequel. He
says (and perhaps he's right):
In the drinking-well
(Which the plumber built her)
Aunt Eliza fell
We must buy a filter.
A gleeful strain which will appeal to the
local help hunters runs:
Making toast at fireside,
Nurse fell in the grate and died;
And, what makes it ten times worse,
All the toast was burned with nurse.
"Tender-Heartedness" is a striking affair.
A little tragedy in two lines, and a tale of
heroic self sacrifice. It reads:
Billy, in one of his nice new sashes,
Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes;
Now, although the room grows chilly, I
I havn't the heart to poke poor Billy.
"Ruthless Rhymes" is a distinct freak hit. i
The Point of View.
Many of the differences among men are due
to the of point view from each man's eyes.
Some years ago Zinc Barnes with a com
pany of other young men went north from
Reno, Nev., prospecting. All were mounted '
on little mustangs except Zinc, who rode a
tall, rangy but lazy mule. Their destination
was some unexplored county on the border '
of Southern Oregon and Northern Cal
ifornia. Arriving there, they were suddenly con
fronted by a band of hostile Modocks. All
turned and fled, but the mule of Zinc's was
in no hurry, and was not disposed to be
hurried. The horsemen sped away while
Zinc frantically called to them to halt, ex
claiming that there were but a few Indians
which they could easily whip.
At last an arrow aimed at Barns struck
his mule in the rear. The mule at this
turned his head and got a sight or scent of
the Indians, and then with a great burst of
speed rushed away, passing the little mus
tangs easily. As he sped by, Zinc called out
lustily: "Come on, you sons of guns, there's
a million of Indians." It was just the dif
ference in Zinc's point of view that caused
him to change his mind.
A Western Army Story.
"The Captain of the Gray Horse Troop"
by Hamlin Garland. Hammel, 49 W. 2ndS.
The Valley of Unrest.
Frank L. Stanton in Atlanta Constitution.
This is the valley of sweet unrest,
Where we dream the dreams that we love the best,
'Neath a dying sun in a darkening west;
And after the dreams
We wake in pain,
And pray to God
To dream again
In the dim, deep valley of sweet unrest!
This is the valley of sweet unrest;
The child, in a dream, seeks the mother's breast,
nd the lips of Love to our lips are pressed.
And we wake and weep
That the dreams are vain,
And cry to God
To dream again
In the desolate valley of sweet unrest.
Alas, for the valley of sweet unrest! ' '
To live for a dream in the dream unblest
The locks of Love by a dream caressed! ',
Never the dew
Of the bloom to drain,
Famished for sunlight
And starved for rain,
With that sigh of eternity "God knows best!"
Another Cryptogram. "
Jrom the Philadelphia Record.) I
A new participant in the Bacon-Shakespeare con- j
troversy now raging in the English papers has dis
covered that the real author of the plays attributed i
to the Bard of Avon was Bernard Shaw. He proves j
his theory by pointing to the fourth letter from the
end of the titles of eleven of Shakespeare's plays, j
Mac B eth
Oth E llo
Comedy of Er R ors
Merchant of Ve N ice j
Coriol A nus
Midsummer Night's D R earn
Merry Wives of Win D sor
Measure for Mea S ure
Much Ado About Not H ing
Antony and Cleop A tra
All's Well That Ends W ell
A CLEVER TESTIMONIAL.
Sent to the Pleasant Valley Coal Company by an
Appreciative Consumer. I
My Dear Mr. Carpenter:
Climatic conditions have made it necessary for me
to have another ton of coal, and my relations with
your company having been so satisfactory in the
past, I have decided to again throw my patronage
your way and place my order accordingly.
The coal has arrived, and that portion of the same
which has not escaped through the chimney is now
in process of consumption, and is exciting the envy
of tlose of our neighbors who have suffered and
shivered all winter over the product of your compe
titors. If you need any testimonials in advertising ) our ;
justly celebrated coal, I will be pleased to furnish
you with a few choice ones, showing my name blown
in every bottle.
With kind regards, I reman,
P. S. I have had the ton of coal in question
charged to your personal account. I
"Dorothy Vernon of Hadden Hall" by
Chas. Major, author of "When Knighthood
was in Flower." Hammel, 49 W. 2nd So.
uO- 11? HOI
1 J Ml
Cittle things Jor men. i
A half hundred of them here fl
Neckwear, Collars and Cull's, HoBlery, Belts, SH
A half hundred or more Shirts to choose from, jBH
And just now no need to ask you what style M
you want. t H
Only a question of what make and what prico v
Manhattan, Monarch, Wilson Bros., Griffon. 1
Four of the world's best shirt makers.
50c, 76c, $1.00, $1.25, $1.60, $2.00 is the H
price range. fll
J. P. GARDNER
136-138 flain Street H
Ask Your Wife jfl
To stop in here and get one of our 25c H
Bricks of ICE CREAM, all flavors. Will fl
keep for two hours. JH
T. J. HILL DRUG CO., I
Corner Opposite Post Office jl
H IE pleasant and profit- H
able place to deal. H
COAL CO. I
Pleasant because it's profitable and ,
profitable because we send you JH
"That Good Coal." H
161 MEIGHN STREET M