Newspaper Page Text
10 GOODWIN'S WEEKLY
H A BIRTHDAY GIFT.
B A young man having a sweetheart
fl he thought a ' eat deal of, and it
H being near he birthday, asked her
fl what she would suggest as a present.
H "Oh, get me anything Charley; why
iB not get me something for my neck?"
B So Charley, not being too flush with
H funds bought her a bar of Toilet soap.
B lie now wonders why Maud has quit
Bj speaking to him.
H RESTRICTION OF CIVILIZATION.
H A little girl had been left in the
B nursery by herself and her brother
B arrived to And the door closed. The
B following conversation took place:
B "I wants to turn in, Clssie."
B "You tanF turn in, Tom."
H "Why tant' I?"
Hj "Cause I'm in my nightie gown and
B nurse says little boys mustn't see lit-
Hj tie girls in their nightie gowns."
B After an astonished and reflective
B silence on Tom's side of the door the
Hi m'niatir.; Eve announced triumphant-
B ly, "You tan turn in now, Tom, I
H tooked it off! "National Rotarian.
B "Your hair's your crowning glory,
B The artful husband cried.
B "But, just the same, I need a hat!"
B The artful wife replied.
H "My watch is plucky as can be
B More so than other ones;"
H I asked him what he meant, said he:
H "Because it never runs."
B Your automobile is waiting for you.
B Purdue's Automobiles and Taxicabs.
B Anywhere at Any Time.
B Phone for Rates.
D Phone: Wasatch 5 or 1598.
Open All Night Telephone 304
S. D. EVANS
H UNDERTAKER AND E3mAL,MER
H New Dulldlng'
K Modern Entnbllnluncnt
l 18 STATG ST. SALT LAKE CITY
B Put This Upon
B Your 1913 List
H of good resolutions. An ac-
B count with the Continental Na-
H tlonal Bank. If you already have
H one with us then resolve to in-
H crease your deposits, each week
H adding a little more.
H And the good results will sur-
H prise you.
BH 4 Per Cent Paid on Savings
WILLIAM J. KELLY.
Colonial Leading Man in "Mrs. Dane's
Defense" Next Week.
Rising the Day Before.
"I reckon," said the first farmer,
"that I get up earlier than anybody in
this neighborhood. I am always up be
fore 8 o'clock in the morning."
The second farmer said he was al
ways up before that and had part of
the chores done.
The first farmer thought ho was a
liar, and decided to find out. A few
mornings later he got up at 2 o'clock
and went to the neighbor's house. He
rapped on the back door and the wo
man of the house opened it.
"Where is your husband?" asked the
farmer, expecting to find the neighbor
"He was around here early in the
morning," answered the wife, "but I
don't know where he is now." Ex.
NOT A DRY TOWN.
I was railroading down in Arkansas
some years ago. During the spring
our little town had met with a flood,
so the conductor and I had borrowed
a sklpp and were rowing around the
flooded district. I incidentally espied
a woman with a long pole standing
on her back porch as if hunting for
something in the water. I told the
conductor who was rowing the skipp
to row over there as perhaps some
one had fell in the water. After
reaching the house I called out:
"what's the matter lady, has some of
your children fell iu?" "Well, I reck
on not, you fool, I am looking for tho
THE ORIGINAL GOOD
ROAD MOVEMENT. .
Judge Seaton, of Olathe, who is a
good road enthusiast, broke into
verse, last week, and sang:
When Ceasar took an eastward ride,
And grabbed the Gauls for Rome;
What was the first thing that he did,
To make them feel at home.
Did he increase the people's loads
And liberty forbid?
No, he dug in and built good roads i
That's vthnt old Ceasar did. '
Did Cp isar put the iron heel
Upon the foeinan's breat?
Or did ho try to make them feel,
That Roman rule was best.
What did he do to make them glad
He'd come their midst amid,
He built good roads in place of bad,
That's what old Ceasar did.
He built goodatoads from hill to hill,
Good roads' from vale to vale;
He ran a good roads movement,
Till old Rome got all the kale.
He told the folks to buy at home,
Build roads their hills amid;
Until all roads led unto Rome,
That's what old Ceasar did.
If any men would make their town
The Center of the Map;
Where folks would come and settle
And live in plenty's lap
If any town its own abodes,
Of poverty would rid;
Let it get out and build good roads,
Just like old Ceasar did.
Kansas City Star.
A man returning home after many
years' absence inquired from his old
friend Jack of his boyhood days, of
the people that were married and had
disapeared from his old home, and
among his old. remembrances he re
called an old drunk by the name of
Mike Kelly who had died some time
before, and he said: "Jack, did they
bury Mike?" 'Oh, no Tom, they just
poured him back into the 'barrel
"Bobby," said the lady in the street
car, severely, "why don't you get up
and give your seat to your father?
Doesn't it pain you see to him reach
ing for the strap? '
"Not in a car," said Bobby. "It does
at home." Ladles' Home Journal.
Stranger (examining r m, run down
by auto Ah, he is very badly In
jured; carry him to my office at once!
Policeman Are you a dootor?
Stranger No; I'm a lawyer.
Powers & Marioneaux
Attorney & Counselor
O. W. POWERS, THOMAS MARIONEAUX
J. W. McKINNEY
Top Floor Front, KearnN Bids.
Sell phone 1850.
$2.00 THE YEAR
525 Felt Building