Newspaper Page Text
Horticulture expert nay that mulch
ing in now considered an e.wential of
strawberry culture. Thin is Interest
in, of course, as applied to that ex
ceedingly toothsome vegetable. But In
regard to the cultivation of straw
berry nope, should not it be under
stood that luahing is what is needed?
LIES FORTO DAY.
"What a perfectly gorgeous Christ
"I'm not a bit cold."
"Fresh every day."
"Absolutely free." 1
"Slightly used cars."
"Cheaper than paying rent."
"Only three nntilittiiinna am tmmuIoiI
to make your skin beautiful."
"Corns disappear over night."
Ann Pennington, movie queen, say
that not only are men not tiring of
iraiing at well formed limbs, but they
me juni. uecuiniy ca'jcaica :n me art.
Oh, to go to school again.
Anyway, Ann ought to know.
MR. TUMULTY'S BOOK
"I have just been reading the fea
ture story, 'Woodrow AVilson as I
Knew Him,' by Joseph Tumulty. It Is
the finest history of Mr. Tumulty I
have ever read. In the first three
chapters Woodrow got mentioned
twice, once in the title and once by
mistake. As a writer of the life of
President Wilson, Mr. Tumulty la the
greatest autobiographer I have ever
"The Chronicle had to skip one day's
issue. They ran out of 'IV and had
to order a new supply before they
could finish the story.
"Some time next week Mr. Tumulty
will mention the president again in
TODAY'S WORST STORY
"No use o' your taking on that
away, Gap," sarcastically said Mrs,
Johnpon. "You brur.g that headache
"I know it!" groaned Gap Johnson
of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. "And If I
had that there bottle of bone dry
licner to finnx over agin, i recko,., I
b'gu.l, I'd drin kit!"
The above, dear readers, is a sam
pic, of the humor of the Kansas City
Star. If that's humorous, then Leo
Lloyd can write poetry.
. WAR IS DECLARED.
dnce, in a moment of wild aban
don, without thought of consequenre.
the con iuctor or this column lo;1ed
over pnd told the world how rotten
he consider dthe homegrown poeiry
of I eo Lloyd, who much too often
scribbles doggerel for the Chadron
Journal. Hell hath no fury like a poet
scorned, o Leo comes back, pronto,
with a verse in which the mighty in
tellect of the author of this column is
done something less than justice. How
ever, poet htve what is known a po
etic licence, and Leo, in his heights
of indignation, does somewhat better
than usual, although we don't detract
a single letter of our denunciation of
his wretched verse.
Leo'.t comcbac kreads like thi3. and
the Improvement over former efforts
leads 'is to suspect that he may have
had assistance as well as inspiration:
Once there lived an editor in a city
Who spent no tine In writing rhyme,
'cause he was not built that way.
He was a sober-minded cUss, worth
"forty cents a yard,"
And for the other fellow he had no
He was a good proof-reader, and
poetry could scan,
But in Leo Lloyd's opinion he was
Just a little man I
A microscope was needed when you
- - hunted up his brains
And the weight of his gray matter was
so small 'twas told in grains.
It wouldn't be so bad if Leo were
the only one stirred up,but another
amateur poet from Chadron has
horned in to tell what he thinks of
us and Leo's poetry. His name . is
Gatenby, and we'll bet he don't know
Cleae Them Up j
Will Look Better
Will Feel Better
Wjll Wear Better
Look Your Best
Everyone at the holiday season feels he
ouuuiu uc utc&seu ueLu;r man usual, ne can ?
look his best at very little expense, if he will
avail nimseii ot our superior cleaning and
SAVE YOUR CLOTHING
When dust and dirt are permitted to remain in clothes 1
lriA Ktnilll nni'Hplao nf n-vit lS noollo 1 II J 1L.1 iff
mane me iaunc.
o vi gut iiieiiuijr cut me uueaus mat a
This is WHY you should not neglect their f
Send Your Clothes In Early to Insure
. Best Service.
315 Box Butte
!rf S at, ibj. asi wiSl
Located at Room No. 1,
DEC 20-21-22 ONLY
Do not miss this oppor
tunity tc consult this won
derful woman if you are dis-
appointed, disgruntled and I;
mentally muddled. Come
and see me and I will tell !
you how to analyze yourself and others to gain happiness
THREE DAYS ONLY DECEMBER 20-21-22
Alliance Hotel, Room 1
Readings $1 and $2 Only Office Hours 9 a. m. to 9 p. m.
a rhyme for It. Gatenby is some-'iS'
wnav Kinaer man lpo, dui ne s just
as mistaken as his friend.
We jee by the Alliance Herald what Jy
most would think a clam t
Don't think that you have hurt us, ??
'cause we don't care a d . fy
One think we'd like to ask you, and I i
think that this is fair, -J.
Not a man that's in Alliance with Leo ft"
can compare. i Zt
It you've (rot' a man 'in your town that ft'
poetry can write, .ft
Just get your poet busy put it down 'if:
in black and white:
And if you haven't got one, don't
stand around and fight
I 'spect you'll try and hire Leo
come there and write.
I see what ails Alliance, from begin
ning to the end;
They haven't got a woman's club rail
road's poor to defend.
Alliance, don't Ret jeaous, for the
poet Chadron hold,
We know you haven't got one that's
neither young nor old.
I don't want you for a moment to
think I'm Leo Lloyd;
Compare my mind with Leo's and
mine is very void. v
But we both live in Chadron and love
it more and more
When people start a slander, it makes
U3 awful sore.
Before we forp-et it, it is but fair
to thank both Leo and Gatenby for
helping to fill this colyum on this oc
casion, 'this is the busiest issue of
the year, and no matter how punk the
poetry, it's considerably better than
no colyum at all.
Some months ago, we printed an ex
cerpt from a story by O. Henry, in
which a very wise man thus advised
a poet who wrote much better stuff
than Leo: "Live your poetry, man;
don't try to write it." The poet in the
story didn't take this splendid advice,
and so it's pretty sure to be wasted
But our duty has been done. Leo
has been informed. He may now go
to perdition in his own way, and as
fast as he likes.
However, Gatenby's challenge is in
teresting. If Alliance hasn't artists in
doggerel who can beat either of these
Chadron birds, we're mistaken. For
ward, poets, to the defense of your
city. We'll print anything that isn't
worse than Leo's and that's an invi
tation to go as far and be as free as
Gosh now we've got to think of
' ABE MARTIN II.
Said Kin Giuley last evening: "I
have word from a friend at GoKsets
burg. He's going to come here and
locate on a farm for his health. He
is a hisrh class pharmacist: in mak
ing the change, he will sell his large
stock of pure, fresh drugs.
"Back east," said Col. Peter Seed
corn, "where Doc Blatt had a large
and lucrative practice, he wa3 always
a favorite among the ailing, if a
man caught a cold and Doc prescribed,
it made no difference in Doc's stand
ing whether he was cured or killed;
either way, the patient never kicked."
Said Doctor Cyrenus Blatt: "I have
never understood how it comes a col
onel could be so susceptible to cold as
Pete Seedcorn is, unlss, as in his case,
it is because he was only an ornamen
tal colonel he was on a governor's
staff. He's always anxious in the
winter time to know the state of the
heat. I knew him years ago back
east. After he has left this weary
world and the door of the nether re
gions is opened to him, his first words,
from force of habit, will doubtless be,
'How's the fire?'"
TWENTY YEARS AGO
The following is from the pen of
Gomer Davis of Belleville, Kas., and
shows well the style of newspaper hu
more in vogue at that time. It is
headed "Too Big for Gomer":
"The editor of this paper found a
garter we were told that is what it I
was while walking along the street
in the west part of town yesterday.)
In fact, we found two of them, and I
now have them in the Kansas office
waiting for the owner to call, prove
ownership and get them., We should
take it they belonged to a full grown
person as either of them would snug-1
ly encircle a sack of graham flour.
One is made of light blue rubber web
bing, has a gilt buckle and attached
to a bright blue bow is a miniature
thermometer. The foreman of this
office, who is a younger man than the '
editor and is more on to the way3 of.
the present generation than we are,'
says the purpose of the thermometer
is to enable the fair wearer to prove,
beyond a doubt, that she is a 'real
warm thing.' Just what that means
we do not know. The other garter,
which we found about a half-block
farther west is made of fine lila ccol
ored webbing, trimmed with a silver
buckle and silk ribbon bow knot, to
which was attached a real rabbit's
foot which the foreman says is a,
talisman for good luck. Whether he
means it will bring good luck to the
owner of the garter, and the rabbit's
foot, or that there will be no ill luck
come to the leg that wears it we are
not sure. If the latter be true we
wish we had worn one of the things
about twenty-five years ago but these '
new affairs are a source of wonder to
us old-fashioned men. The owner of
these things can have them by calling
at the Kansas office and giving sat
isfactory proof that they will fit the
cluimant. The customary charge for
this item will be waived if we 'are
shown.' " I
This is one old joke that wont be
revived this year. The morals censor '
tells us that even hose supporters are
not being worn now.
LAST LINEFOR TODAY.
Christmas comes but once a year.
One person tells us to think Dlaasant
. . . .
thoughts, then along comes another -ft
There Is No Need to Worry Over
For the Family
BUY USEFUL GIFTS FOR GROWN-UPS
Useful gifts fill a long-felt want in most cases and they usual
ly have the quality of long-service. We can show you a large selec
tion in Furniture that will please anyone who receives them.
5" 'Si 5-
Children Want Toys For. Xmas
IThere is nothing that brings so much joy to the children's lit
tle hearts as some of our many ingenius toys, games or books. They
are always new to them, interesting and in many cases serve an
educational purpose. Let them look at our stock and select what
a. j o rrn rc v il : . v
C Tm, r
t Joy Aeroplanes
A FINE LINE OF CHRISTMAS CARDS IN STOCK
Housefurnishings and Toys
to remind us that there are ten mil
lion deadly germs on a dollar bill.