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CALLER LEFT IN A HUFF.
BACK TO THE TOWN
Innocent Thoucht of Business Man
That Gave SctIoub Offense.
Two business men bml been talking
good naturedly the other day. Their
conversation had reviewed a number of
things, and a remark mado by tho pro
prietor as his caller was leaving
brought up the Bubject of prosperity
In a rather awkward way.
"Business with mo has been a little
dull of late. I've bad only a few call
ors," ho remarked.
The friend smilingly rejoined:
"You'll have enough of them In a
short time prosperity's coming right
along. Why," ho added, emphatically,
"tho next thno I drop around, Instead
of being ablo to chat with you for half
an hour, there'll bo so mnny peoplo
ahead of me that It'll tako mo two
hours to get to you maybe I can't
ceo you at all."
"I hope so," rejoined the proprietor,
cheering up over tho prospects of ro
nowed business activity.
His caller literally "stormed" out of
tho office, leaving bis erstwhile host
In a slate of bewilderment as to what
INVALID'S SAD PLIGHT.
After Inflammatory Rheumatism, Hair
Came Out, Skin Peeled, and Bed
Sores Developed Only Cui
cura Proved Successful.
"About four years ago I had a very
Bovero attack of Inflammatory rheuma
tism. My skin peeled, and the high
fever played havoc with my hair,
which camo out In bunches. I also
bad three largo bed sores on my back.
I did not gain very rapidly, and my
appetite was very poor. I tried many
'suro cures' but they wore of little
help, and until I tried Cutlcura Re
solvent I had had no real rollof. Then
my complexion cleared and soon I felt
better. The bed sores went very soon
after a few applications of (1utlcura
Ointment, and when I used Cutl
cura Soap and Ointment for my hair
It bogan to regain its former glossy ap
pearance. Mrs. Lavina J. Henderson,
138 Broad St., Stamford, Conn., March
G and 12, 1907."
Mrs. Thrifty Well, If you're thirsty
I'll give you a glass of water to
Weary Willy I davo not touch
water, mum. I've got an iron consti
tution and It might rust It.
laundry work at homo would b
much more satisfactory if tho right
Starch were used. In order to get the
desired stiffness, it is usually neces
sary to uqg so much starch that the
beauty and fineness of the fabric is
hidden behind a paste of varying
thickness, which not only destroys the
appearance, but also affects the wear
ing quality of tho goods. This trot
ble can bo entirely overcome by using
Defiance Starch, as it can be applied
much more thinly because of its great
er strength tliftD other makes.
The Color Line Aqain.
That tho criterion of beauty Is very
dissimilar among different races is not
often more strikingly exemplified than
in tho followinK pnecdote of a Vir
ginia negro. At his request the "young
masters baby son had been fetched
out for Tim's inspection. Ho looked
earnestly for some moments, then elec
trified the bystanders with tills un
qualified pralso: "Marso Garrett dat's
de pretties' white chile I ever seed!"
In all its formn among nil nucs of
norscs, as wen na uopi, curcu nnu otners
in same Btalilc prevented from Imvinc the
(lifcnf.Q with Sl'OUN'S DISTHAIPKH
rtfTlH liVnrw tint tin rrmi m tif rww 1 Ovor
500.000 bottlcH nold lat year. ..r0 ami
$1.00. Any good dru(?git, or mmh1 to niiuui
fhcturei. AgciitH wanted. Kpolm Medical
Co., Spec. ContngioiiH DiscafieGouhen, lad.
A Natural Cause.
"I think." said tho smnrt child, re
flectively, "that Hungary must bo tho
moBt hnnian-llko of all tho nations."
"Why bo, my child?" asked tho fond
"Because," the smart child answered,
"It la governed by Its Diet."
Urge Use of Hcrsefleab.
Some hospital physicians arn urg
lag that horselloHti bo mom frooly
tin imI as lining not only ebuaper than
boof, but more tender and dlcentlblu.
If dried and rolimMl to a powder It
becomes almost tnatulosu.
o.si.v (imi "imo.Tio nin.MNN"
That Ik ItA.VAI'IVM. lHO,l( UtflAlKH. tl
tlillkthtlM t II W. UnoVM. )M llw WWM
'r in Cum R UwM In oh my. m.
I lo who thinks only of hlumHf humt't
' too mneh to think about,
COUNTRY LIFE PALLED ON THE
Real Facts of the Case Somewnat
Different from the Explanation
He Made to His City
The year around the city resident
and the summer suburbanite wcro car
rylng on a conversation over their
hurried noonday lunch.
"Must be mighty all fired crimpy
around tho edges out in tho country
these davo." suggested the city man.
"Don't believe I'd like living out in tho
country these days without steam
heat and things. You'll bo hiking Into
town pretty quick now, I s'posc."
"O, not for awhile yet," returned
the summer suburbanite. "This is
renlly tho finest tlmo of tho year to
bo in the country. It is a trlflo crisp
when you get out or bed In the morn
ing, of course, but then it beats the
city at that. Some might exchange
the good country air for a few city
comforts, but not me. A little cold
isn't going to hurt me."
This was a day or two ago. Tho
following morning when tho summer
suburbanite crawled out from under
the covers the thermometer was down
"Holy jumpln' James M. Jehosapbat,
but It's cold in this barracks!" ex
claimed the S. S. to his wife. "Talk
about your polar expeditions and their
hardships. They haven't got much on
this! What are wo staying out In a
place like this for, anyhow? Never
saw such a bleak habitation as this,
If you'd call It a habitation, In all my
troublous life. What's your Idea in
sticking to a place like this for when
we've got a house there in town with a
furnace and hot water and bath tub
and all such tilings? That's what I'd
like to know! I surely would.
"If I wanted to freeze to death I
could do It right in town any good
winter day. I wouldn't need to come
clear out bore to the country to do It.
Holy mackerel but I, at water's cold!
Don't even dare wash your face in
this Grcenlnndish place! And I'm
serving notice on you right at this
juncture that we're going into town
to-day, and we're going to stay there
until next summer. Us for town. In
cold weather a man's supposed to live
in town where they've got radiators
and such like. That's what towns are
Then the other day the suburbanite
and his friend met again at lunch.
"So you've moved back to town,
have you?" spoke up the year-around-city
man. "Thought you'd got enough
of that country business in this sort
"O, yes, I moved in," owned up the
late suburbanite. "It was fino out
there, but my wifo just naturally
wouldn't stand for it. Said she couldn't
keep warm. And you know how use
less it Is to argue with a woman. I
had to come In. Hated like Sam Hill
to do It, though." Cleveland Plain
William Calvert, who died in Wash
ington a short time ago at the ago o?
74, passed over to the larger and
wider sphere of existence after hav-.
ing spent 50 years in an endeavor to
discover an effective method of stor
ing solar energy. He was not regard
ed by scientific men as a deluded en
thusiast seeking the unattainable and
impossible. Far from it. Ho spent
his life In an endeavor to solve a great
problem which many Investigators be
hove to bo solvable, and, being so, be
lieve that the problem will ultimately
bo worked out. Mr. Calvert was ablo
to make some laboratory demonstra
tions which led him and others to be
lieve that he was on the verge of suc
cess, but ho died finally, leaving to
some other the continuation of the
search for the delusive secret.
Could Plant the Period.
A pretty story is told of Queen Al
Tho queen never loses hor Interest
in those for whom she has acted as
godmother. In particular, sho has
been most kind to the children of
lMi Curzon, who lost their beautiful
mother more than a year ago. Tho
queen, hearing that little Alexandra
Curzon who was named after her
majesty was fond of gardening, sent
a box of violet roots to her.
The child decided to plant thorn so
that when they camo up they should
spell "Alexandra." "I should llko to
help you plant them," said tho queen
"Well, you can put In tho full slop,"
replied the child.
A HlglvPrlced Dinner.
Klru Cannibal I think 1'il ot that
Ktcoml Ctinidbal Ymt always did
have Muttlve tautr.
True to CetHflciutJ,
I'd Mtbr full by being tru to mv
rcxisckttf l ban iiutk n popular u
tt'xa by In flu falt Krmn l.yiujin
I M'i,;ht'i .Until.
Mrs. Whim You needn't, say woman
has no mechanical genius. I can do
anything on earth with only a hair
Mr. Whim Well, sharpen this loud
pencil with it.
Only One Reason.
"Papa, George wants to break our
"What reason docs he advance-'
"Ho says ho has lots of reasons, but
ho mentions only one."
"And wlat'3 that?"
"Ho says he has seijn somebody ho
loves much bettor than he loves me."
"And that's the only reason ho
"Don't bother htm about the oth
A poor devil asked Tor alms. Tho
Inquisitive man questioned him. After
a few Interrogations he said to his
companions: "Hoys, don't give hliri a
cont; he's a fraud." The beggar re
plied: "Gents, 1 am under a hoodoo.
I'm an unlucky man. 1 do believe if
I wore to seize tlmo by tho forelock It
would come right, out and leavo mo as
baro as a barber's pole." Then they
all chipped In.
$100 Reward, $100.
Tho readers of this paper v1 lie plcnwl to lonni
Hint tlicro H nt least one. ilrcmled (Ufi-aso Hint science
ha hecu nlilo to euro In nil Its staKOfl, and tlmt I!
Cntnrrli. Unll'a Catarrh euro H tho only posit Ivo
euro now known to t lie medical Iraternlly. Cntnrrh
ljolnc a constitutional disease, niiulrra n constitu
tional treatment. llnll'M Catarrh Cure h taken In
ternally, nctlm: directly upon tho blood and mucous
mirfacca ot the svatem, thcrooy destroying tho
foundation of the disease, and ijlvlnu the patient
strength by Imlldlnc up tho constitution and assist
ing naturo In iIoIiik Hh work. The proprietors havo
bo much faith In Its curatlvo powem that they olfer
Ono Hundred Dollar.' for any earns that It falls to
cure. Send for list of trMlmonlali
Address 1 J. ClIK.N'nV it CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by nil I)nr,'clst.. 75c.
Tako Hall's Family Tills for constipation.
Not for Him.
Tho Poet 1 understand you havo
furnished rooms for rent?
Tho Landlady Tho only thing I
have at present is a handsomely fur
nished suite on the first floor.
Tho Poet I'm afraid that would bo
a little too sweet for me.
I'lf.lCS OUUKI) IN O TO 11 DAYS.
VA'.O OINT.MKNT Ih Kiianiliti'ed to euro any ciiso
ot ItehliiK. Hllnd, HUhnIIiik or I'ruirtnlliitf I'll of. In
0 to 11 days or money refunded. Clk
Good harvests make men prodigal,
but bad ones provident. W. Ponn.
Mri. Wlnnlow'M Soothlnir Syrup.
For children tuuthlnt!. i.oflen3 tho ciimn, roiliicc-H In
fluminutlou,nlluyrtpalu,curuii wtmlcollu. '"cuhottlo.
Sometimes a woman Is known by
tho company she avoids.
It Ciirim Wlillo You AValk
AlInii'sKoot-Kaso toreornsanil bunions, hot, sweaty
callous iiehlnir fiw.t, "5o all priiuulhts.
Tho proportion of left-handed peoplo
Is ono In six.
TOO ARC WANTCDaTX
AILWAT MAIL CLERK,
PottaJ CWrk, P I enoiraphrr.Tjpe writer, tic Onlt
Commou School Education Required. GplendfJ Oppor
i tunJtf. Perm rum I'otilioi. Uif t'f. Superior Imtructton by
, MAILtomcctuort. Iliimirulroni. Etuh. Fourteen Yctrt.
i TYtoutand of SucrrM Student SajnpU Qjtionand
l "Mow Govt PotitKM Art Secu e4 tent I'm. C l Upt
INKR-SUH SfHOOlS, .(( low J Atr. .friar hs!, Iiwj.
"3 Stroke Self Feed Hay Press"
Two mm ran run
It. Itecoril, 3 toim
in one Hour. Kihv
TION fl U A K A N
TKi:i). AhU tor
catalog No, 7U.
Till'. AUTO'FnDAN HAY I'HKSS CO.
IMI W, litli Strt-ft, Kamhah t itr, Mo
Nulunu iVi dawn l lrlth to
quully ni (ilil 11 louilcnl
cuuli, II au a cc t'i9
It llnlion now, Yvti id.no
ll quietly ilh I'l V d Ct .lU
I uiKKii I a UK tr ' jry 1 1 iKi
trh'U itior'y tt ciH-gKi. tiiU.
liortfM, fun ' m!'.;: tfMl
I'.-vJilnJfrfiiv l,n l.i i:ia.
At all tlviit4', 24 cU,
mm warn M mm m
ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT
AN'cgclablc PrcpaMlion Tor As
similaling (ho Food aiuinegula
lin Ihc Stomachs and Uowcls of
Opium .Morphine nor Mineral
Mix Senna -AMttlt
tint's Sti J
ttotm Sttii -Corini
tti'nbryrteii 'Ml or
A perfect Remedy forConslipn
lion , Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea,
Worms .Convulsions .Fever ish
ncss and Loss OF SLEEP
Toe Simile Si'gtiaUirc of
The Ckntaun Compaw.
Ezact Copy of Wrapper.
Guaranteed under Iho Ffootlaiij
Lewis' Single Binder
WHERE THE FAMOUS
is made. Formerly the
home of the late Col.
Robert G. Ingersol. Pur
chased and remodeled by
Frank P. Lewis for the
Single Binder Factory
You Pay fO Cants for
Giynrs Not So Good!
H I t
"i t l f I I " - I" I
"UtlMAMOB 10 UUI'KMIOn W AUIIV.
For Infanta and Children.
The Kind You Have
TM OCNTAUn COMPANY, new VOHH orry.
A Flavoring. It makes
a syrup better than
Maple. SOLD BY GROCERS.
Bears tho A ,
Signature J yU
Va For Over
NO CIGAR is so satisfying
to the smoker. Made of
extra quality tobacco, wrap
ped in foil, in packages of five,
which keeps them fresh and
rich to the taste. Their high
quality makes'them cost
the dealer more than
other 5c cigars.
There are many
imitations, don't be
fooled, there is no
substitute! Tell the
dealer you want a
rttANKP. UWtU, Perla,M.
Orlnlnntor of Tin Poll Smokerraeh.
nr.. Th iimn who (mi. mmlr tawL
SlnaU IJIml.r .ilrll.t Ba Clr ft.
inou tnnonif ttnoktr. Ihiouuhout
( At IVUtiM
I At IVUtiNtA IHHIflATIll) t ANUn,Mwit
l !.. 'I ' !. 44a
HIM I MM ritit.ii. UL
W. N. U, I.INCOUN, MO. 51, 15)00.