Newspaper Page Text
THB SATURDAY MORNING COUHIBR
Carnar I Oth and P ttrwarta.
Arn now liiiwltic n lnw lino of
In erery ilrimrtmrtit,
DKE8S HOOKS, LINENS,
KID OLOVE8 ami KIMIONH,
Agents (or Buttorlek h Patterns.
II. R. NlMMley X? Co
Tlir Courier run Ho Kniimt nl
Hotel Lincoln Noun Stand.
Windsor Hotel NoWs Stand.
Cupltul Hotel Ncwh Htanil.
Bed Dude Clgur Store, 1(W0 0 St.
Ed. Young, 1207 O St.
Cluson, Fletcher & Co., 1120 O St.
Moore's Nowb Stand, 118 So. 11th St.
CnuuiKii Office, It'll O St.
CiimIuo Clgnr Store, lilth and O StH.
XV. 1. DenniM ci Co.
lm O Street.
She undertlsnerf lirrehy rIvm not loo Mint it
I nut to rtKniilbl( for or pay nny debt In
curred by employe, oseriit IIhmo (or which an
order It siren ierniinl)y tlsnod liv II, Thin
rule u InuM-rntlro. Courier Vt'ii. Co.
Lincoln, Nun., Mnp tut, INU.
Whltebrcast Coul und Lhno Co.
Bathing carta at Rector's Pharmacy.
Lincoln Frame and Art Co., 225 South
Althea toilet' preparatories at Rector's
Jeckcll Bros. Tailors, 110 north Thir
David P. Sims, dentist, rooms 42 and
,,43, Burr block.
Try Club House coffee, none so good.
Miller k Gl fiord.
Imported and domestic toilet soaps at
Mrs, McFarland, professional nurse,
131 South Eleventh street.
Sampson Bisters, artistic dressmaking,
1133 O street, over Dorsey's.
Buffalo Flour, 11.00 per sack. Miller
ft Glfford, grocers, opposite Burr block.
An entire now lino of ladies card cases
and pocket books at Rector's Pharmacy.
Mrs. H. H. Demarest, Hair Dressing
and Manicuring, rooms 101-102, 1518 0
A full lino of Imported SardineB and
canned soups. Miller & Glfford, opposite
All orders via telephone 308 will reach
W. A. Coffin fc Co. and recelvo prompt
and careful attention.
Full lino of artists' materials at Lin
coin Frame and Art Company's, 220
South Eleventh street.
No such line of canned fruits in the
city as shown by W. A. Coffin & Co., 143
South Eleventh street.
Mrs. H. H. Demarest, late of Chicago,
hair dresser and manicurist, 1518 O street.
Take elevator, rooms 101-102.
For dances and outings there is no
such music in Nebraska as that supplied
py.tM eprawa. state orcnesira.
Never order an invitation until you
save seen the samples of the work done
by the new Courier Publishing Co.
Frames, frames, frames, of every de
scription at Lincoln Frame and Art
Company's, 230 South Eleventh street.
Visit the Annex when you want a do
licious meal, cleanly spread, well cooked
and politely served. Call at 133 South
For rates and open dates of the Ne
braska state band or orchestra apply at
the Courier office, 1134 O street, tele,
When you and your best girl
tor a stroll always make a boo
June ice cream pavilion
and O streets.
Latest novelties in- Spring Millinery,
the finest in the city. Caldwell Sisters
208 South Eleventh street.
Miss Bertha Snyder, stenographer and
typewriter. Correspondence, law work,
and all kinds of shorthand work promptly
and neatly executed. 1134 O street.
, Telephone 303,
' Miss Mabel Merrill, the well-known
.'' 'artist, la again at her studio, room 3,
Webster block, where she wUl be pleased
to exeeute orders la pastel and oil paint-
ing .Lessons giveft.
, "( r The new Cowiw Publishing Co., 1134
!T O street, is mow ready to asost'torders
,( for til ktedsof iMMfaMingMrfeacraved
' work. Wedding Invitations, calling cards,
etc., a specialty. Phone 953.
P SUMMER IBS
When you want prompt service and
fair treatment and the selection from
i ' , the largest stock of groceries in Lincoln
' V call on W A, Collin Co., successors to
t, J; Miller, 143 South Eleventh street.
', . ,. Halter's market, okl reliable market,
--r- mvnA to Thirteenth street, opposite
Lansing theatre, is where ladies should
t mall tr tkalp aiut nrlm. Tnlnnhnno
MrV.Ji-" r;si :,.Tl rrJlr
ortffsV vm No. 100 recede prompt at
'" "At Browa's Royal Care ladies will
now Sod large and airy dining hall on
ttss'siasiiJ'.loor, where all kinds -of
, , IstteWs; or rmm h 1 are elegantly served.
Udks tttMM first door west of Cafe,
1 Mattel Vents) at rest.
Omfihii hrooniH were out In force.
'I'lin nrlxii lint wiin tlllflmitifixllv tint
Uncut yet offered at any louguu meet in
IV.- ... I..A .1... t I. .J t -
ror once, in ipuhi, inn vjiiiiiiiii ooyn
expressed themselves pleused with their
reception in Lincoln,
The "smoker" In tho evening, held nt
the Grand hotel, wan thoroughly enjojed
by one und all, The "push" was not
Twonly-llvo converts wore innilo to tho
League of American Wheelmen; there
being that ninny appllcatloni received
Our genial president, ,T. II. Howe, who
has been up In Oniahu , for tho past
month, eiiino down to lntlii malm thn
meet tint huccohh It wan.
Manager Hickey puts the total admin
hIoiiii at 20,000, making it tho banner
day (or Lincoln park, und to the wheel
meet much credit Ih due.
Mr. C L. Holcrson, chutrinan of meet
committee, left (or Fort Scott Immedi
ately after the raccH to attend tho Han
nan iIIvIhIoii L. A. W. racea, which took
placo there on the 5th hint.
All old timers wore well plousod to
boo L. E. Holton, of Omaha, win tho two
mile L. A. W. cliuniplonshipof thestuto.
Mr. Holton Ih a hard worker, a thorough
gentleman, und Iiiih tho good will of nil
in bin success.
Ah an announce, Mr. E. K. Milmlno
wiih an entire huccchh, although he had
been under the weather for boiuo time.
He managed to got hln voice out and
give the good people an Idea what an
announcer sounds like.
Everything went off very satisfactorily,
tho public especially being highly
pleased with tho races; there wcro but
few drawbacks, the luck of programs
being tho only seriouH ono. This was
caused by the crush of work and short
time to do it in; they were In tho handH
of tho printer, but fulled to materialise.
Tho prettiest and most interesting
race of tho program was tho live milo
handicap with twcntv-ciirht starters.
wherein A. L. Bunks, a 10-year-old boy.
or JJcnverwith a lnu yard handicap,
with ono spurt passed tho Held und cumo
in tin easy winner, A. J. Sullivan, tho
next youngest participant, with a 400
yard handicap, made a good showing,
camping on tho scratch and u 50-yard
crowd's trail very neatly; but that
becamo monotonous, whereat ho forged
ahead and endeavored to Hud un open
ing, but they had tho track fenced too
high for him, and this is what cost him
tho race, bringing him in a good second.
These youngsters are making tho "old
ones" look well to their laurels not only
here, but from all over tho country como
reports of the remarkable work of tho
A HkjrclUU DUeaie.
Ono evil traceable to bicycling is tho
continued stoop which has already de
clared itself in many whoelmen, a result
common in the less strongly built bicyc
lists of tho Continent as to havo found
its way into classification as tho "Kypho
Tho dorsal curvature posteriorly which
used to bo rare in boya under 14 years of
ago, is, now that tho bicycle is so largely
used, very frequently met with, partic
ularly among those young bicyclists
whose spinal column is developing more
rapidly than tho llgamonta and muscles
and in whoso case, therefor tho equilib
rium between those parts is more or leas
Were it merely an unsightly deformity
tho stoop in question ought to bo com
bated in every way; but confirmed dorsal
curvature posteriorly has consequences
of its own quito mischievous enough to
call for immediate counteraction. Tho
displacement, embarrassed functional
activity, and arrested or diseased devel
opment of these organs, which kyphosis
inovitabiy induces, are all too serious to
warrant tho slightest neglect in rocdjr-rrjvyjg
UK I HUM.
Exercise of a kind to accustom the
spinal column to an action directly
antagonistic to the inclination forward
of tho bicyclist's attidudo is what is
needed. The use of tho Indian clubs or
such similar meana of incurvating thur
spine anteriorly, throwing out the chest
huu lumuiitimiiK uiu ucuu urcci, hduvwu.
pe Practiced wan that owect. Alt' w&Lm How do'jmu account for thut?
iraS :"IainLf! ! ;cu",?":ifrkson,witha
IUUD UV lUlUIUVU, WIIUUUV UlUl UUIIIVU-
tion of the stoop which tends to take u
cubit from tho stature of its inveterate
exponents and to imposo a hunchbacked
developmenot on what it would then be
a figure of speech to cull tho rising gen
W.B. Walton of Lincoln acted rb
referee in the Omaha-Kearney game.
Bert Peach, tho Btar player of tho
Toronto team, will start Monduy for
Tho duto for tho Shamrock match hns
not yet been fixed but will in nil pro
bability occur about the end of July.
J, Russell Brydon the contro player
of the Lincoln's, has gono on an exten
ded tour through the eastern Btutes.
He, is accompanied by his wife.
One of the nrettiest frames of lacrosse
over witnessed in the west was played in
rtearney on juiv between umana ami
Kearney and resulted in favor of tho
latter by two goals to one. 1
Tke'next championship match will bo
played in Lincoln late in July and will
be the moat exciting game that will be
played thk year, The Lincoln boys aro
working like Trojans and will all be in
the pink of condition for the match.
Choymkl ve. litiiltniuoni.
Choynski and Fitzsimmons havo been
matched to fight before some club for a
stake and purse of 115,000. Experts say
this will be the greatest fight of tho
century. Fitzsimmons has been beating
all the middleweights 'easily, but this
time he goes against a man who has
traveled in tho heavyweight .class, who
is perhaps the best general ja the ring
save Mitchell, and whose gameness has
never been questioned. Those who
ought to know best say that this time
Fits will have his hands full and that
the Californlan will give him the battle
of hia life.
Just now it la not known where the
.1 H 4 1 i
f ' wiFi$nhr!w aVnft ill it i 1 1 1 1
V r &BBBBBWBBBBIBWSBBBBBBmBBBS0BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBF M 1 BbW" m ill 11 I
MISS MABEL ESMONDE O AH ILL.
The lady tonnts chnmplon of America for two pear rt Is Miss Mabel Esmond i
Cahllt. She cumo from England evernl yean ago ana won the American championship
ta bhcut the firtt tournament aha entered, bhe belong to the New York.teaiia sUk.
buttle will bo fought. It is not likely
that the Roby club will glvo tho purse.
Tho recent ntiulrs before this organiza
tion havo been rank failures and it Is
not likely that its managers will risk
I tutting up tho big purso Fitz und
3hoynaki will demand. But wherever
theso two como together tho fancy from
ull points of the compass will gather to
witness their meeting. Indeed thero nre
many admirers of the gnmo of fisticuffs
who would rather seo Choynski und
FitzsimmonB como together than
Mitchell and Corbott. They beliovo tho
latter may prove a walkover for ono of
tho contestants, but when Choynski und
Fitz meet they feel sure it will bo a long
and bitter ana well contested battle.
I'rtn jMrkmin oil the Hltuiitlon.
Peter Jackson is tho lion of tho hour
in London, Just now. When usked by 11
reporter to give tho reason why Corbott
preferred meeting Mitchell rather than
him, ho had this to sny;
"I cannot say that I can. Probubly
ho had reasons of his own. Ah far us I
urn concerned, however. I was always
ready und willing to tight Jim Corbott
for tho championship of tho world, und
my manager, 'Purson' Duvics' vulnly
endeavored to got on 11 mutch with 'Cor
bott, but tho latter chose to givo tho
preference to Mitchell, which was his
privilege, no doubt, to decido as ho did."
"Havo you any object Ions to giving your
opinion as to tho probable winner of tho
forth-coming. Corbott-Mitchcll fight?"
"Yes, I havo; but I havo no objections
to tolling you what I think of tho two
men. Oorbett is unaucatlonably. .very
clover and strong, and no has, moKpver,
height and length of reach in his favor.
Furthermore ho has defeated Rman who
was looked upon us almost invincible,
and it must bo admitted that, that is a
freut thing in his favor. But remember,
consider no man invincible. Then,
again, as regards Mitchell, I find that as
far as tho ring is concerned; everything
ho bus over said ho would do ho has
done, and dono it well, and whatever
others may say of him I bclieyo no
fnnier man over stepped into n ring.
lo has grit 'did science also, and Cor
bott will find him a hard man to do
feat." "Will you fight tho winner of that
"I can't say anything until tho fight la
An Incident occurred nt this juncture,
which ia worth recording us showing tho
estimation in which Jackson is hold by
those with wbom ho comes in contract.
T. H. Iamay, of White Star line, appro
interviewed,' aaid: "I desiro to
ached Jackson and, seeing that ho was
stuteVimt during tho ontiro voyago Mr.
JackBonwiis first favorite in tho smok
ing room.'V Jackson acknowledged tho
complimentary reference to himself by
raising hisViat. Mr. Ismay eubao
iucMv retorted and Bald, jokingly, to
Pitwis,'4'Areyou uwuro that Binco wo
Jift)Ym York, American securities
account for thutr said
smile on hia face "Oh,"
said Mr. Ismay, "owing to tho fact that
you havo brought such an amount of
American gold with you to England."
Peter then saw the joko und enjoyed it
by luughing heartily.
Maury l'rlxv for Pviiiiunt Winner.
E. B. Tulcott, treasurer of tho Now
York club is quoted as saying: "At tho
fall meeting of tho National league and
American association, I will introduce
u meusuro to muko up a purso of 5,000
to bo contributed jointly by tho clubs
of the National league and American
ussociution, which shull bo divided us
follows: 12,500 to tho playere'of tho
first team at tho finish, 91,000 to tho
players o( tho second team, and 81,000
to the third. There aro soverul mug
nates who aro in sympathy with tho
idea, and who will aid in pushing it
through. Tho race is so close every
year that possibly u single error und tho
subsequent loss of a gamo may lose tho
championship. This, however, does not
muko tho second team much weaker
than tho first, and it should receive
nearlyas much credit. The players of
tho leading teams aro always doing their
level beat, and they should bo rewarded,
A team that wins tho pennant, of course,
comes in for general praiso and tho
players becomo heroes. But I think
they should receive a moro substantial
reward for their work. Also the second
and third teams, who havo undoubtedly
done their best. It is with this in view
that I propose to ask tho national league
and tho American association clubs to
offer a 15,000 purse. It may ,bo mot
with disapproval, but thero is no harm
in proposing tho schome."
"I mado him n rich man in two min
utes and thirty-six seconds, and that ia
all I got out of it." Thus said Garrison,
who rodo Boundless in the Derby. Tho
owner received $50,000. He gave Garri
son 1,000, and Garrison is wroth bo
cause It was not 15,000. What a mighty
man your jockey is! The horse did
nothing. It was the jockey. So tho
jockey thinks. What tho horso thinkB
it is impossible to ascertain. Tho rider
is tho person of consequence in a horso
nice. But what shall wo say of the
trainer who though long days of labor
und nights devoid of euso has developed
tho best running and staving qualities
thero aro in tho horso? Where does ho
como inr Put Garrison's proposit ion in
mother way. Ho admits that all tho
work ho did was .in two minutes und
thirty-sixseconds.' Is that luborentitlcd
to a compensation of 81,003? Thero aro
men who work two years instead of two
minutes and thirty-six seconds und their
compensation is not 81.0C0. Let it bo
admitted that tho jockey rodo with skill.
But is skilled luhorof this kind worth
8500 u minute, much less than 82,500 11
minute that Garrison thinks is its real
vuluo? If thero had been no weary wuit
ing at tho post Boundless might not
huyo been tho winner, ih which event
though Mr. Garrison exerted his skill to
tho utmost what would his compensa
tion bo? If the young man wants moro
money lot him look to tho bookmakers.
Their combined winnings because of Mr.
Garrison's alleged skill is fur in excess
of tho winnings of tho owner of Bound
less. Mountain Rose Pino Apple is better
and cheaper' than any other in tho mar
ket. Miller & Glfford.
Mr. Macmonnlea (an old friend) Well,
look here, old man, I'll tell you what really
brought me here today. Tho fact U, my
wife wants her mother painted very badly,
and I naturally thought of you I Punch.
Plane For the Tatare.
"My daughter now attends the girls'
college. It is so difficult to find husbands
now that we have concluded to let her
"And your eonf "
"Oh I he declares that no girl is proficient
in cookery nowadays, and epicuro that ha
is he has decided to qualify as a profes
sional cookl" Deutacho Wespen.
Old Gentleman (at hia daughter's wed
ding) My dear, I don't see how I am to
get along without you.
Bride-Ob, that'll be all right, pa. Since
the ceremony was performed my husband
has confessed that be haan't enough saved
to go Into housekeeping, ao you won't lose
roe after all. Tit-Bits.
Got It Mixed.
'Elderly Gent I thought I told you I
wanted a boy. to go along and grub my
Boatman Didn't he do Itf
Elderly Gent No. Instead of grubbing
my hook he hooked my grub. Truth.
They were speaking of superstitions, and
Mrs. Ulx said. "What is It a slim of to have
the family cat howl outside at night? "
"Of a death in the family if the man is 'a
good shot," replied Mr. Dix emphatically.
-Frank Leslie's Weekly.
The Kind That Counts.
Jaxon (dejectedly) Is your wife a dress
Paxson You bet she isl Only today she
told me she was reforming some of her old
gowna for the girls. Detroit Tribune.
The Wrong Place.
He Do you know, darling, I have never
kissed any one before?
. She Well, this is no kindergarten. Life.
To Fair Deserter.
When in the autumn day long fled
I talked of love to you,
You did not turn away your head
Aa sometime now yon do.
And when ray klwet pretted your lips,
Around my neck you'd twine
Your arms. Dut now your finger tips
Are all I claim aa mine.
Ob, can it be that love grow a cold
As ) ou Brow older, dear,
And that the atory now I old
That was so new but ear?
Not H'anotthl. Tit other men
That claim you now the more,
For yoa were twenty-seven then,
Bat sow you're twenty-four.
M KM B
Apropos rf Willard's production of
"The Profecsor's Love Story," now run
ning In Chicago, El wjn A. Uarron tays
in th Inter Ocean: "Wo think it is
one of tho most pitiable things conceiv
able in dramatic art thut tho fame of
thut rxqtiisito comedian, Joseph Jeffer
son, should be passed down to jMwtority
sustained by the rags and patches o'f
that wretched travesty of comedy, "Rip
Van Winkle." Notwithstanding tho
(net thut he plays other, hotter, und
moro difficult parts with consummate
skill und Indescribable charm, the public
has been taught to think of Mr. Jeffer
sen as the incarnation of tho vngalond
vulgarized by Mr. Bottcicatilt from
Washington Jrviug'H dreamy legend.
Tho high )Hwition in dramatic art is
defined not by 11 single star but by a
constellation, and Ih achieved not by tho
ideal acting of ono part but by tho ex
cellent interpretation of tunny; und the
actor determined to occupy tho piunaclo
towurd which his ambition guides him
must mount, not vault, to tho eminence.
Tho nctor must keep the public itwtiru
all tho time that he is capable, and that
he cannot do by holding too long to one
stj lo of performonce. Thero is so much
proof of this In the uunulsof tho modern
stage. Some of us remember what won
derful thingB wero tiredictcd of Frank
Mayo when It was thought he wus tho
best young romantic actor on tho stnge,
und when ho wus reckoned heir pre
sumptive to thn Shukespeureun estate.
It was said one time that ho bado fuir to
become tho Hamlet of tho American
stage, und soverul of his interpretations
of Shakespearean character wero prnined
in utmost extravagant terms. But in an
evil hoik that idyll of autumn leuvcs
and mosses and sylvan haunts und
wolves, "Davy Crockett," fell into hia
hands und tho future of Mr. Mayo was
trunstlgured in a coonskin cup and a
pair of buckskin leggings. Ho was
never nblo to disenchunttho public with
Davy Crockett sufficiently to enthrall
them with Hamlet or any othor noblo of
the drama. Thero is nut tho shadow of
doubt that ho was u fine uctor in tho
clussic roles, and it is moro than prob
nblo that ho would havo mudo high
reputation and enduring fnmo had lie
continued to net them, nor been betrayed
by tho siren voice of tho success that at
tended his presentation of "Davy Croc
kett." It wus impossible to vault from
tho uncouth mannerisms of the ignorant
backwoodsman to tho polished graces
and scholurly melancholy of tho l'rinco
of Denmark; und, if ho is anxious for
the. future, wo hope Mr. Willard will not
bo beguiled by tho populurity of "Tho
Professor's Lovo Story," which, wo re
peat, should be his pastime, not his de
pendence, babble tho box office us it
It in nntri thut.Tnnioa A. Hnllitvlinomir.
chased tho interest of thn P. T. Ttnmiim
estate in tho Burnum circus, for 8750,000.
Mrs. W. J. Flornnco will rntirn frnm
tho atugo permanently.
Eugene Cowles this week leaves tho
iiostonians, going to Ituly for a yea
which ho 'will spend in improving hi
"A Trip to Chinatown," in Now York,
has reached its GOSth performunce.
Tho Bostonluns have cleared 8140,000
on Robin Hood.
At the Turk.
It's nn ill wind thut blows nobody
good. Many people huvo been disused
to complain of tho heat in tho lust few
days, but Munuger Hotchkiss und tho
proprietors of Burlington Bcuch have
beon jtositively beaming. How tho peo
ple huvo crowded tho beach theso hot
afternoons and evenings! And invuriubiy
relief has been found in tho refreshing
water of tho luko or tho cooling breezes.
On an extremely hot night tho visitor to
Burlington Beuch ia apt to appreciate
tho manifold advantages of this resort.
It is ulwnya cool at tho lako, and thero
uro so muny pleusunt kinds of umusc
ment. Bathing is always populur, nnd
tho bench is now in bettcrtonuition than
over. 'Most everylxxly wLo visits tho
luko goes Bulling. Everybody can sail a
boat, und the siort ; highlynjoyod.
Nearly 20.0CO .pulifi'o isfill Lincoln
jMirk on the Fourth bf J'5''' It wus tho
biggest duy-in tho hwiory ui this resort.
Tho array of attractions was imposing,
und ovorylnxly went away well pleased.
C. J. Kilpuirick, tho one-legged trick bi
cycle rider, has given exhibitions of fancy
riding vvery afternoon this week. His
rido down tho stairway is really remark
able, His engagement will closo Sunduy
ufernoon when a special exhibition will
bo given. Munuger Hickoy has just
closed with tho Ideal operu' company,
numbering St people, for un extended en
gagcmcnt,'commcncIng early in tho com
ing week. This company is one of tho
strongest summer opera companies on
tho roud including u numlxr of really
talented people. A largo repertoire of
popular operas will be presented. This
will undoubtedly bo tho banner Bummer
attraction of the season.
Cushman tuirkwffi thronged lust Sun
day und again on tho Fourth of July.
Tomorrow, Sunday, there will bo
another monster jnicnic under tho
auspices of tho Uormaniu societies.
Some Bpecial irrntngenrents have been
made for this weeks picnic, and tho
indications point to u very lurge and
enjoyable gathering tomorrow. As
usual trains will bo run ut frequent in
tervals during tho ufternoon una evening
from tho Burlington depot. The time
tuble is given elsewhere, nowhero in
The only -Pure Cream of Tartar Powder, No Ammonia; No Alum.
Used in Millions of Homes 40 Years the Standard
tho vicinity of Lincoln Is thero a
pleaoanter place than Cushman park.
Thero is an ubundanco of shade, plenty
of good water, with ntnplq facilities for
rowing, etc., etc., and thero aro dancing
pavilions and refreshment halls con
veniently located. Thero will lo plenty
of good music tomorrow and u specially
arranged program. Mr. Andrtm ussurcfl
tho public thut every visitor will Iw cor
dially welcomed. Tho Germunia picnic
will bo ono of tho greatest picnics of tho
Hood's Pills euro all liver ills. 23c.
Sent by mail on receipt of jtrico by C. I.
Hood t Co., Apothecaries, Lowell, Muss.
- 1 1 1
Au Oyiter Stew.
A well ilnijed nnd prosperous looking
cltlr.cn entered a well known oyster saloon
not far from Sixth and Chestnut streets
and culled for "a stew, rich and well done,
nnd," ho added, ''don't make the dish too
full." When the stow was" placed before
him, ho procredid to suuson It. First be
shook a salt castor over tho milky soup
about a dozen times; then ho gave a red
pepper bottle an equal number of dashes.
This ho followed by liberal qualities of vin
egar, sherry wine, Worcestershire sauce,
catchup nnd several dlppcrfuls of horso
radish, lie next broke up one dorcn water
crackers Into the stow and mixed the whole
business up into 11 sort of mush.
Having thoroughly stirred it together, ho
looked around nt tho astonished observers
and snld in a loud voice: "1'vo often won
dered why they put all theso things in front
of a fellow when ho calls for oysters. I've
now Riven tho thing n trial. I wanted to
t co what a stew would look Ilka with all of
'cm in It. Thin will cost me a quarter, nnd
I'll givo ft to anybody that'll eat tho
Nobody volunteered to earn tho dollar,
and tho man, after emptying partof a glass
of Ico water into tho conglomeration, walk
ed up to tho cashier's desk, paid his bill
and marched out. "Well," said tho wait
er ai ho removed tho dlsb,'"if thero ain't
somo of the blamedcst cranks in this world,
I'll bo blowed." Philadelphia Record.
As they reclined beneath the grateful
shado of tho veranda their conversation
turned to various topics.
They were real nice girls apparently, 'and
their ruddy checks told eloquently thestory
of graham bread and dress reform.
It was she in the shirt waist with crooked
stripes who was speaking.
"I feel ashamed that I don't know
more. I haven't"
There was a cloud of regret in her eyes.
"mode tho most of my opportunities."
A sigh deep enough to extend at least to
tho top of her shoulder blade escaped her. .
Tho girl with tho four roses on ber hat
was a bit impatient.
"Yes," persisted the other, "I meanwhat
I say. I had a switchboard in a telephone
exchango for nearly n year, and I can't
truthfully say that I learned halt as many
things as I might had I applied myself."
A katydid broke forth in a tumultuous,
joyful strain at that moment, nnd tho con
versation came to an end. Detroit Tribune.
One of the talents of the restaurant watt
er, according to the humorous paragraph
era, is fertility of resource. The story of
tho waiter who told the smart young man
who ordered elephant on toast that be
must pay in advance is timo honored.
From France comes another story of a
A patron ordered a filet saute. He was
told that tho cook was out of fllot saute.
Then be ordered chicken. That, too, was
"Why," he asked tho waiter, "does the
bill of faro offer a choice of three dishes?"
After n moment's reflection the waiter
"You sec, sir, it is the proprietor who
takes his choice." Youth's Companion.
A Sad RetulnUccnce.
Stranger I should like to view the inte
rior of this church.
Guide Then I will wait here till you
come out again. Something happened to
me there three years ago that has left a
painful impression on my mind.
Stranger Ab, then I won't hurt your
feelings. But what wus it? Do you mind
Guide Not at all. Tho fact is, I was
married in this very church three years ago.
A New Name.
In the public schools there are many pu
pils to whom furnace heated buildings are
a novelty, and the word "register" seems
too much for them to remember. Not in
frequently it is called "the refrigerator,"
but a New England youngster here in
school has capped the climax by asking,
"Please, may I sit on the janitor?" New
' A nit of Romance.
"May I kiss your hand?" said he,
"You may not," said she.
"Why not?" he pleaded.
"Because ah hands aro not made to be
Then he looked higher and kissed her in
the right place. Truth.
"A Long Story llolteit Down."
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