Newspaper Page Text
WINNSBORO, S. C.,' WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 1885. Jj
En, but 5Vs jrrand to sit at one's door with
one'?" o^-n wife at one's side,
A showing Jjer what she ou^ht to know?how
a ship-shape >crK< is tied:
See the ropeu he equally matched, lass. A wisp
and a eabie won't splice;
For tie 'em ts neatM yon may, the wcaKer
will gi-c in ? t-rln-.
Now twist "vm air* iwirl 'em?and there!
What, couldn't you follow my hand?
Stransre! how it's easy to do what's not easy
'Twas easy our fallincr in love?but ask how
>ve"did it, and why?
Yo n ij answer (for women are clever!) but
. h. can't tell you, not I!
A .. -nak'c sure that the ropes are spliced,
just tusr 'ein at either end,
. c the knot be right and the ropes be sound,
will hf? uoslin nor rend:
There will be. as it were, one rope, only
stronger because it's two.
And that's the way it's to always be, my
Katie, with mo and you!
Tho tu-rs will come, lass, sure as life, ere our
youn^days pass away. ,
Tinrtnc riniTnucis nnd mashers will flock
around our little cottage gay;
N vt I'll harpoon them at every fchance; I'll
buy a doc and gun.
: i. jd unless' the knots are awfully strained,
there'll be no ends of fun.
THH? AMERICAN TYPE.
The typical American is always rich.
He may riot be able to produce title
deeds and bank accounts, or other tangible
evidences of wealth,but he is born
heir to innumerable quarter-sections in
a land of promise not always accessible
to the ordinary voyager, but through
which he roams continually in quest of
':!:e pirate-hidden gold, the bonanza
mine, the gi'eat invention, the lucky
speculation, which shall open up to
him a rapid transit route to affluence.
Just at the present moment he may
find himself a' little cramped, but there
o nnito npnr I
1^ UU'vtti UUJ \M UV*J \JV"WV 4*v%?* 1
at hand when he shall burst this pinching
chrysalid shard, and soar aloft, upon
auriferous wing, the free and brilliant
butterfly destiny intends him to be-'
In the meantime, as far as his purse
will allow, he forestalls fortune. Born
an heir, it is incumbent upon him to
live on a scale commensurate with his
expectations. To-day he has only the
1-355 of twelve hundred dollars to
spend, but as to-morrow he may have
that amount multiplied Dy an maennite
factor, to save any of it would be
the height of parsimonious folly.
No genuine American ever believes
he will die poor, or suffer irreparable
loss or misfortune of any kind. Nay,
even when such loss or misfortune has
overtaken him, he will refuse to give it
the countenance of his.recognition, and
will expend his last breath in unfolding
some scheme for the bettering of fortunes
already past ail earthly mendin
The American is fond of splendid
undertakings. He revels in schemes
for building gigantic roads and mammoth
bridges for digging impossible
canals and inland.seas. But such matters
must be taken in hand speedily,
and pushed with energy, or Le is soon
tired* of them. Affairs that move slow-sly,
do not move at all for him.
He feels the mpetus of the age upon
him, and to say of any project. "It
will take time, it will take time," is to
releg-ite it to some unknown limbo,
quite beyond the sphere of his consideration.
He loves to play the role of prince
and patron of enterprise. Or he will
' " be the brains, if you will; the sinews?
never. His to glorify the work, to talk
it up. write it up, to drum for it at a
;:ood salary, to persuade others with a
km large expenditure of eloquent breath,
to invest hard dollars in it; but that he
should wield a spade, or trundle a
wheelbarrow! why what a waste of
"brain-power were that!
Bruin-power!?that is the shibboleth
ran of the American: the totem which ho
blazons not upon the "grave posts,"
but noon iiis own forehead;. the potent
.1 * K
unarm wini \> muu uu ca|;vvl9 v;uujuic
And by brain-power,be it understood,
m be does not mean tlse power exerted by
jj^^B a thoroughly informed, broadly culli||l
valed intelligence; for the typiial AmerI
K ican not a close student.
The distaste for continued applicaBL
tion and routine, which marks his,, efforts
in lields of material labor, pursues
H him into the intellectual fields.
He believes devoutly,though secretly,
hAhI in inspirational knowledge, a sort oi
^^HHatmosnheric influence, as it were, which
^J"a&ee?rjpusTH:s for hi->i all the results
attained only by iiaru study on tne pan
of the routine-ridden European.
Brain-power with him means nothing
more than a certain intellectual alertness,
a readiness in grasping the salient
features of the situation, a facility for
summarizing and utilizing the knowl
lcd?c of others.
k He has no time himself to go into a
subject exhaustively. What he wants
i> results, conclusions, canned, so to
speak, like his peaches and peas.
A notable lafck of local attachment
characterizes the typical American.
His country is so large, that he cannot
i concentrate his uftec.ion upon any par*
ticular valley or mountain-side.
It is all America, and it is all his.
Bidding farewell to his birth-place
upon the Atlantic slope, lie will transfer
himself and l is belongings to the
shores of the Pacific, with all t!.e ease
and gaycty of heart that would attend
^ a holiday excursion among a mo:e
To him nostolgiais an unknown emotion,
or at rao.-t, a passing sensation,
quickly dispelled; and the" immigrant,
sick with longing for Fatherland, he
classes in his mind under the head of
unusual and unaccountable phenomena.
He will follow the line of a new railroad.pitching
a temporary tent at every i
station, and settle down at last at some
point half a continent distant from his
starting place, inlluenccd in his choice
V-~ of locality by no more weighty consid
4.:? tKot nf i > nHvnntncpnns
KHWftj y era.uuu uau uiui. = _
opening for real estate investment. But
jjHf even when settled, lie is by no means
f fixed; his home being often little more
Hr than pied-a-terre, where he keeps wife
Hf and children, and other non-portable
El property, and to which he returns at
intervals, for brief snatches of rest and
Hz * recuperation.
Bgy& The typical American is always an !
?v./i cfrnnorlv bent uuon re- !
fe JUUlVWUai| auu
maining an individual. He does not
K I: lend himself readily io organizations,
B ; nor blend with smooth uniformity into ,
K society. The heady wine of freedom
works"too strongly in his blood to allow
a protracted submission of his part
to rules or customs. He may for a time,
B and solely to please himself,, pay obsernf
vance to convention, and ruflle it in the
H Hi courts of fashion; but even such modi- '
fied subserviency soon becomes hateful j
Hn. to him, and he is apt to tliro'.r on, run
j Hf fierce and scornful vehemence, the yoke
he voluntarily assumed. !
""" 1" "? olo<-> )ip mav I
i(P: } Jin religion auu ??v*.tv*w w
1| give in a qualilied and temporary alle0
giance to teachers and leaders, reserv- ;
iagtohimse'f the right to criticise,
doubt and cc.vil, at will, but he is very
jealous of his reputation as an indem
pendent thinker, and often adopts an
Eccentricity, apparently for no other ,
reason than to create a difference be- J
tween himself and bis neighbors.
On the aesthetic side, the American j
is still something'like his o^vn wilder-I
nesses, rough and"unkempt, yet to one
who studies him "vvIt an eye not too
severe, full of ric'.. promise.
Musically, he has not progressed
much beyond the fondness for noise,
shared by all living creatures. The
strains of the life and drum still liave
power to stir him deeply, and his harmonic
yearnings find ample expression
in the clamor of a brass band.
In other branches of the line arts, he
is hardly more developed. He has not
?- "? -- 1? ? J
nan uiuu in mu mux) uuu. uusuc ui i
ting a continent into living order, to |
adjust his ideas upon painting and
sculpture, but he is conscious of possessing
such ideas, still i:i a somewhat
nascent state, somewhere in the interrior
recesses of his being.
. On one point, however, he is quite
clear, and that is that American art,
when it dpcs arise, will be no tame imitation
of the Greek and Roman.
He is a little tired of the Greek and
Roman. They havs been thrust upon
him with irate iteration, through so
many decades of contemptuous snubbing,
that he experiences a sense of
r .J r\r~rm fliolr 1 m
liiwuiu loun a^aiusb vivu v?..^
and unaggressive domination. He is
clear-sighted enough, too, to perceive
that art must be native to the soil. -;
Greek art'looks too cold and white under
our vivid skies. Beautiful it may
be, but the passion from which it sprung
nnico^ tothroh in Kvin<r veins.
I AJlVO JkV/i-4^ VVUOVu VV Hiiuv ... ^
I The dust of the tomb is upon it. The
free and abounding life of his newworld,
must find fresher and warmer
expression than "the empty shell of an
| In nothing, perhaps, is the American
more distinct from other nationalities
than in the quality of his patriotism.
| Without reverence for the past, or
strong attachment to any single feature
in the present phase of the national!
development, he is yet passionately
! patriotic. lie lo'>es ms country not ior
what it is, or has been, but for what it
shall become^ There is 110 looking bai k
with him, no sighing over antique glories.
He \ iews the past with a curious
ind amused smile. It is interesting by,
way of contrast, but not so good as his
present, and utterly insignificant in
*v?fK ftTtiiro Whon
CUIli ;/UI iOUil >UIU bUV/ iuviuv. (? .* ..v |
tights, it is not to prpserve traditions.
Away with traditions!
They are cobwebs! 'J'hey are rust!
I Men may cry out sacrilege. He does
not know the meaning of the word.
All that was sacred in the past of hu
man e.:ort. lives actively in the present.
Wnv should lie burden himself with a
mass of dead matter? - Wornout garments,
crumbling walls, dusty anil fa-:
tied records, these tilings oppress him,
at:d he hates oppression.
It is not that he undervalues the sac
ririces of the patriots, or wishes to belittle
the work they achieved, but that
he aud his generation have imbibed so
thoroughly tjie inspiration of their
deeds, that he feels himself one with
them. All that they did, he and his
generation could and would do, should
This is the foundation of his quenchless
faith in the stability of free institutions,a
faith so calm as to seem at times
mnrs like indifference.
Far from being indifferent,lie regards
his country with a proud anil patronizing
affection. He takes immeasurable
delight in'its vastness, its wealth, its
beauty: he fondles it in his thought as
if ho had made it.
It ; eems to him the predestined home
of a people emancipated from ( every
form of tyranny, the" land where the
last fetter of prejudice must fall away,
nnrl hmn-in r.-mn its enlminat
Hence, portents of change do not appall
him. Knowing that the old things
must pass away,in order that all things
may become new, change means to
him, not ruin, but regeneration.?
Marion A. Baker, in The Current.
"It was thought the pantagraph
would make any one an artist," said a
commercial artist as he ran the tracer
of the little machine over the outlines
oi a peculiarly snapea picture. -x>ut j.
can tell you it hasn't. When it was
first invented it was a novel idea to be
able, say in a small photograph, to
trace correctly the outlines to a mathematical
certainty, life size, or any desired
size, almost, on another paper. In
other words, to literally trace an enlarged
silhouette from a small picture.
It was a capital idea, but . artists are
born, not made.
"After the picture was enlarged, and
all the outlines faithfully transferred,'it
was fcand that to fill in and srive ex
pression could not be done by~apyone
but an artist. The invention of the
pantagraph created a sensation. Rapid
artists went all over the United
Status giving; lessons to classes and selling
the instruments. Each p"upil
bought an instrument and a few boxes
of cravon. Very few were ever known
afterward to succeed in making a pietr
ure that resembled the original, much
less to become artists."
"Arf? thft nanta^r-johs mu h used?"
? 0 i.
4'They are used mostly now to trace
maps and irregular mechanical drawing.
See, I am enlarging the interior
view of a Pullman palace car, and, instead
of using a rule to draw the perspective
lines and get the seats an
equal distance apart, I do it all in a
short time with the pantagraph."?
Kew York Mail and Express.
?JP ? ?
Soothing a Nervous Man.
Barbers ought not to make themselves
too agreeable to their customers.
One of this ilk, who is a wonderful conversationalist,
and can operate with
his own chin and on the chin . of his
victim at the same time, told a refreshing
story to his victim. The victim
was a nervous man, and was always
afraid that some dreadful accident
would happen to his jugular rein when
the reckless razor was rushing wildly
over his countenance. The affable barber
saw the condition of affairs and
tried to soothe the poor fellow with a
story. "Sir." he said, in sepuchral
tones, "the changes that happens in
life is awful. Last Wednesday, sir, a
man aboi:t your size was settin' in this
very chair, and I was shavin' him. And
would you believe it, sir, I saw him on
i Saturday afternoon, yes, sir, on Satur|
day afternoon, a regular corpse, sir."
I T1!.^ UtlinMr) mon frr>m that
| JLlitJ iatugivu juumu
! chair with a gash in his face, and with
j a hasty expression of opinion, left the
shop. Yes, cheerful conversation does
| assist a nervous man to get over the
j rough places in life, without a doubt, j
A Paris photographer worried him- !
self nearly to death taking an instan!
taneous negative of a railway train in
i motion, only to discover that he might
i just as well have taken his lime to it and
photographed a train standing still, as
the appearance of the negative was
| precisely the same.
Monkeys soon make friends with
other animals. and are cunning enough
to make other animals do-them a service.
They resemble man in this respect,
whatever else may be laid about
tne likeness. And we >ee from what
Uncle Bob has told us that a monkey
can.be taught to do almost anything,
and if at all kindly treated can be
troino/l rtnt/.li mnrii niiir-lrlr tlian anv
other creature. There i? u story of one
that used to walk hand in hand with its
master within a month after it came
into his possession. It would answer
his call like'a servant. It was honored
as a guest and had a seat at the table.
It would drink tea or milk out of a
cup, and help itself to fin egg or to
bread or meat, and it lifted - what it
wanted with tlui.riciit hand.
'" " o i
A French traveler named La Vaillant,
who went tlirough Africa became
interested in a chacma monkey, one of
the baboon species, that he got at the
Cape,, and which was very useful to him
in his wanderings. He made this monkey,
which lie called Ket/.s, a sort of
"taster.1v That is' to say, when he
caine to a place where "there were nuts
and berries'of a kind he had not seen
before, heofrered them to Kees. If the
monkey kte them the traveler-would do
the same, and anything the monkey
wonld notUouch,-thr traveler, unless
when he knew belter,' wouW aVoid as
? t- i j .,. i
pO^SOU. Wi imin; uumij; i
the night as well as at meal times. Ho
was the sentinet of the camp. He wns
alert and gave ?he alarm at the sligh:- i
est sign of -da ger._ Even the aogs |
trusted to the monkey's watehfnlness. ;
When the party began its journ yings
it was the duty of the dogs to give
warning when there was any trouble;
but in time they put such conlideme in
Kees that they went soundly to sleep at
every resting place. With monkeys, as
ti-it-fi mr>n "nnn o-nnd tnm deserves an
other,'* and so Kees, tired out with
walking, wouhl now and again leap 0:1
the back of one of the dogs, and get
carried in this war for miles at a
stretch. a11 the dogs did not like this.
There was one of them that would not
on any account be made a horse of; and
. :s one took a very cunning way of
getting freed from lii.s rider. He could
not prevent Kees jumping on his back,
but he could ilo this?he could refuse
to move. As soon as the monkey leaped
on him he stood perfectly still. The
f-.imr) bein? in motion the do;r and his
XT O w
would-be rider were s. eedily left behind.
K es would keep his seat, thinking,
no doubt, that the dog would
change his mind and trot after his companions
before they had disappeared.
But the dog knew better. .As Jong as
he felt himself burdened he would not
ruove an inch, and it whs always Ktfes
that had to give in. When this took
place the two animals would set off at
their best speed to overtake the traveling
party. It was like a race between
the two, but the dog took care to keep
second place, so that the monkey
might not agr.in have the chance of
jumping on his back.
rrU? r-rti-,- nrAftv cfnru nf I
*0 4* * yiuwvj ?'kV4 J V * kMV |
monkey in an ancient Hindoo poem. J
The monkeys, we are told, were once i
employed in a great contest in India, i
between good and evil powers; and it
is something to know that the monkeys
were on the right side in the dispute.
In the end the good powers won. New,
during the struggle the chief monkey
performed what may seem :it lirst
sight a very courageous act. He made
his way into the garden of a very terrible
giant, and tooK. therefrom the famous
mango tree and gave it to India.
Supposing such an act had been the
work of a human being, we could not
think of doing too much to reward the
hero of it for his plu k and bravery.
But the poem does not iooK at tiie mat- |
ter in this > ay. The monkey stole tlie |
tree, and although what was done was
of benetit to the land, it was a erime
?.nd a sin and it had to be punished.
Up to this period the monkey had clean
hands and a lean face, but because of
his offense in robbing the ' giant his
hands and his luce were bla< kened, and
fkftif vaoioin 1 r\
uiaurvw cv (.?*? ? u,?j.
?m3 0 90i
Society and the Girl.
A young woman in St. Louis who recently
ran away from home to enter
upon a life of shame gave as an excuse
for her conduct that she could not
earn a living as a music teacher and
she was too proud to earn her bread
with the labor of her hands in a town
in whose society she had lived as a
It is evident that something is wrong
with society or with the girl, or with
both. A pride which revolts at manual
labor and willingly embraces disgrace
is something altogether too common in
this day, though it is very rare that we
find any one who confesses to its possession.
A great many men have been
brought to ruin in the same way,
taking different paths it may be, but
bringing up at the same place. The
girl in question appears to have chosen
degradation with a great deal of deliberation,
and it is probable that in her
weak and disordered intellect she found
justification for her conduct.
Her foolish and shameful misstep is
not to be palliated, but responsibility
does not r,cst with her alone. She is a
victim of the crazy idolatry of riches
and contempt of honest toil which have
become enthroned in "society." When
society becomes a more rational thing
than it now is and when money will
not pass current in it unless fortified
by common sense and merit we will
have fewer such escapades by silly
girls and money-getting men. Society
needs a reorganization. ? Chicago Herald.
The Secret Ont at Last.
When Kate Castleton; the actress,
carried San Francisco by storm,
Sprcckles and Dc Young were both devoted
to her, and the race for the time
seemed to be about even, although
Spreckles really had the advantage.
After the battle for the heart had progressed
for some time, it is stated that
Spreckles partially gave up the light
and then publicly declared on the
street that it cost De Young ?1,000
worth of diamonds for the smiles of
the charming Kate, which were bestowed
on him for nothing. This coming
to the ears of De Young, he set to
work to securc a number of love letters
that Spreckles had written, and he
scut word to the young .sugar king that
he proposed to publish tiiem. At that
time the Chronicle began its bitter war
on the sugar monopoly, and Spreckles,
thinking the love letters would soon be
published, shot at and attempted to
kill De Young, in order to put an end
to the entire war. '
Professor J. C. Cram, of Deerfield,
X. H.. is now keeping his 340th singing-school.
bein<r in his fiftv-first vear
of "teaching. He has sung in the church
choir fifty-live years, and has taken
charge of the singing in the church for
| An Old Cavalry Horse Objects tc
When at the closing of the war we
! were stationed at San Antonio, having
' little to do, we determined to enjov a
I - - - . _ . J
buggy ride. we naa a great Dig, gooun:itured
horse that had followed us
from far Alabama, a dapple grey, with
flowing mane :md tail, and it did seem
as though he would handle a buggy
likti a joy forever. The horse had never
been hitched to a buggy before, but he
behaved himself the Best he knew how.
I lie looked around at the buggy and at
the man in it as much as to say: "Boss,
tiiic mw .ill ricrht. but it is a mean
*" 'V ?- "Q T
trick to play on a cavalry horse. However,
if you can tell me what you want
me to do, I'll do it or bust a trace."
He didn't understand the pull of the
reins, and we had to get out to tarn
him around. He rubbed his nose, on
oi:r ihouider and looked out of his eyes
as though he would ask if he had done
' J J ..T
1'IgllC SO iar uuu seemcu iw saj. jl uu>v^
been prepared for anything since I left
the Confederate service from a thousand
mile raid on short rations, to a race,
with a Quartermaster's mnle, but I had
never expected to come to this," and a
tear seemed to linger on his eyelid as
he put his nose in his master s shirtbosom
and snorted some of his foam
On returning to the town a company
of cavalry were drilling on tne plaza,
find just then an idiot with a bujfle began
to blow a call and the cavalrymen
started across the pl-^za in company
front. That settled the buggy ride.
"General Grierson" started off on a
run. buggy and all, and wheeled in
front of the third platoon, three paces
in front, right where he knew there
ought to be a Second Lieutenant, and
turned his eye to the right to dress on
the other platoon commanders. The
? i.1? ... /y nn flin
rear oi uic uu^v? mcauu^ v??w
ranks of the platoon, and we were
never so embarrassed in the world.
The Captain yelled to us to get out of
the way, an orderly rode up and took
the ol'i grey by the bit, and then it occurred
to the horse that the buggy was
in the way, and he began to kic? it to"'"not
Tho and dashboard
were kicked over into the platoon, and
he was just pulverizing- the running
gear and box when a dozen men grabbed
him and we crawled out from under
the wreck, and when we got out the
horse had turned around facing us,
with the shafts still hitched to him, and
he was trying in his horse-sense way,
to tell us what he thought of a cavalryman
that would appear on duty in
such a way, and bring reproach on a
good, honest, well-brought-up horse.
The company stopped drilling to iaugh,
broke ranks, and went into the
U .1 ? AM . AVtlflPCQ llTT?
dhju^cr jllulidc at v/u ca^cuov, vuv **?ery-man
took his bu<rgy back on adraj
and the writer paid for the bifggy, put
on the saddle again and rode away, and
the old horse, when we got into the
road turned his head and nibbled the
rider's boot-leg and winked as much as
to >ay: 4*There, boss, this is something
like it. This is the way we used to do
in the Confederacy. Buggy riding
makes me sick.?Peek's Sun.
?? wm ^
Dr. Zulinski has published in a Warsaw
medical journal the results of a
long series of experiments made by
him both upon human beings and animals
with a view of verifying the physiological
effects of tobacco smoke. He
found in the first place that it is a distinct
poison, even in small doses. Upon
men its action is very slight when
not inhaled in large quantities, but it
would soon become powerful if the
smoker 20t into the habit of "swallow
ing smoKe," a::d Dr. Zulinski ascertained
that this toxical property is not due exclusi
vely to the nicotine, but it contains a
second "toxical principal called colidene,
and also oxide of carbon and hydrocyanic
acid. The effects produced by tobacco
depend, he says, to a <jreat extent
upon the nature of the tobacco and
the way in which it is smoked. The
cigar-smoker absorbs more poison than
the cigarette-smoker, and the latter in
turn than those who smoke pipes, while I
the smoker who takes the precaution of
using a nargile, or any other apparatus
that conducts the smoke through water,
reduces the smoke through deleterious,
effects of tobacco to a medium. As a
rule, the light colored tobaccos are supposed
to be the mildest, but Dr. Zulin<ti
5<ivs ih?it a DTGflt manv of the
tobaccos are artificially lightened by
the aid of chemical agents which are
not always free from danger. He adds
that several light tobaccos are open to
the objection of emitting a burning
smoke, owing to a large proportion of
wooden fibers which fhe}r contain, notably
the French "caporal" and the
English bird's-eye, and that the smoke
of these tobaccos is of such a high temperature
as often to cause slight inflamation
of the tongue, which with peo
pie of mature age is not unlikely to lead
to < ancer. The dark tobaccos are often
adulterated, too, but i?r. Zulinski
thinks that upon the whole they are
A Turkey Trick in Iowa.
Late Friday afternoon a stranger
1* I- J ^ .i. I .
whose appearance indicated mat ne did
not live on fat of the land ( very day,
and that his household knew little
about pnrple and fine linen, entered a
grocery store on Brady street, holding
a fine large turkey by the legs. He
walked up to the showcase, saying:
"I'd like a cigar, please," and one was
handed him with a lighted match.
"By the way," said he, suddenly,"would
you oblige me with a piece of
paper to wrap around this turkey?it
doesn't look well to carry it through
the streets in this way." A polite
clerk took the turkey, wrapped it up
artistically in paper, which was tied so
that it would stay. "Thank you, sir,"
said the stranger politely, as he turned
and walkM out with his turkey. He
had not ^een gone a minute., when a
neighbor from across the street hurried
into the store with: "Say, did that fellow
who went out from here just now
pay for that turkey?" "Pay for the
turkey??no, why should he?" "Well,
he picked it up from the bench in front
as he entered your store!"?Davenport
"Shall I sing 'When the robins nest
again,' darling?" she asked with a
sweet smile as she moved toward the
piano. "Yes, love1' he replied. Then,
after a moment's pause, he added:
"Allow me to call your attention to the
fact that the robins won't nest again
till next year." She did not sing,
and he doesn't go there any more.
An Arizona sporting-man was recently
inveigled into a church fair and
induced to trv his hand at the wheel of
fortune. In half an hour he had all the
money in the bank and a mortgage on
the church. He very considerately
gave them back the mortgage, and in
the future the church will cnoose its
victims with more care.?Puck.
Little Daniel's Fiist Essay.
I My little boy, Dan, had to write an
.essay last week. The teacher of the
school which he attended (under protest)
believes in little boys writing es
?ays so that when they get to be men
and have to write important articles or
/.letters they will know how to do it. So
Dan's turn came to him and he came
W rue and said: "Pa, -what's a good
-subject for 'n'essay?" I thougnt a
moment and then remembering the experiences
of my younger days, and how
fiard it was to write those same compositions
in my time, I said:
''Dan, if you will go up in the garret
in the lower drawer of the old du.
reau you will find some essays that I
1 T 1
niUWJ YY L1CU ? >Y?U) & UVY, iUlU ??i4?y uo
you can learn something" from them.
Don't copy, my son, but take several of
them ana "read them over and then
Estate the ideas in your own language."
I thought I had done well. Dan
/ said no more about the essay. But,
aiii, the cyclone was hatching.
-Yesterday I received a note from
Ban's teacher. It began: j
| Mr. Daniel Smith? Sr.: Inclosed you i
find an essay which ybur son presented last
x icau uu uutuc:, uui> uiuuiu?t vuv
larger paper, wondering if genius could
jfe inherited, and if the Smith family
was to continue famous in literature.
This is the most butifullist season of the
yeer. You "can nowjro and gather Nuts,
that is why they put a Burr on two the end of
t&eword. the haud-orgrun*man gos arownd
now. the hors is the usefuller animal than a
oow but wimin hadint ot to be paide so much
fJL Ltstusuiu ao jutjn. Jiy ibiubi uoit a numcu
wtmse who had fals hare and theeth and an
glass i an a woodin leg har name wuz Jones,
now she could lye. this is all i no about spring
hut like patrick henry who goes to number 7
"%ivc me liburty or give me deth"
"sale oasale on"
"thou ship of state."
I smiled, and was about to shove the
essay into my pocket, when I thought
of the letter, and picking it up read it
through. It continued:
I have suspended him and he cannot return
to the school until both he and yourself
apologize for the language contained in this
euag. Miss F. C. Jones.
It had all come back to me. Dan
h$d evidently gone through the whole
S?e of essays and also read a few pri^te
letters, and this was the result.
jjfAnd his teacher was the very identical
woman about whom I had written
s? sarcastically to a mutual friend.
\fhat to do I did not know,. The allegations
were of adamantine truth and
cguld not be retracted. So Pan goes
to another school now, and when composition
day comes he takes his pencil
aid paper and carves out his own ess|y
and does not get any ideas from
tas father. Well, no; not if the undersigned
T . Dan'l Smith, Sr. (parent).
' % : m ? m .
t Dueling No Longer in Fashion.
J J ' ???
(The dueling code is certainly going
out of fashion in the south. A ease in
nrvinf tho nhViPr dav. The
city editor of a great paper took a holi
day and appointed one of the reportorial
corps his pro tern. This promoted
reporter requested another of the corps
to attend to a certain matter, which lie
rofoscd, saying it was the city editpr's
Jbusiness, not his. Words multiplied, a
blow was struck, a scuffle ensued, and
? they:were parted. Next morning the
tomnniHirr oHitrnr o-rflnHsnn of rt famous
Napoleonic genera?, sent his.' brother
reporter a peremptory challenge, L e.,
one that leaves no room for apology,
instead of one that bears the provision
of unless or it
The challenged reporter, son of a famous
southern senator, was clearly in
the wrong from the start His friends
felt so, and would have made him apologize,
but no chance of that was given.
With as much secrecy as possible the
meeting took place under '"'The Oaks,"
as the old dueling ground of the city is
called, and where many a famous duel
has been fought. The seconds were
measuring off the ground, when a letter
signed by some of the most prominent
citizens and old soldiers of the town,
was brought to them, praying for a
postponement for a day, and submission
of the matter to their arbitration. The
seconds decided to grant it, and placed
their principals under arbitrament.
'PVtA *?A??n]f woo fKof f Ko m ! t f".PP nr
xuv AWOUIU IliM VIXilU V4JV ? ?
dered the senator's son to apologize,
which he did. .The apology was accepted,
and friendship reigned again.
So much for the progress of peace in
southern society! The long night of
brilliant barbarism is passing away,
and the day cometh in which all men
may work.?New Orleans Cor. Nashville
A Story of Pullman's Lawyer.
The Pullman car people are here
again, renewing their contract for
sleeping and parlor service with the
Pennsylvania Railroad. Speaking of
Pullman recalls Judge 0. A. Lochrane,
of Georgia, his lawyer. The Judge is
a character. I saw h'.m in one of his
best moods. Ffc is an Irishman, and
as warm-hearted and witty as the greatest
of his race. He told me a good
story of the campaign., "I met a friend
in Chicago,11 said he, "and asked him
home to dinner. He had a few drinks
on, but not enough to affect him much.
Wa xvpTf -inst seated at ihe table when
the servant appeared. She had a cast
in her eye which my friend discovered,
and called out: "Why, Judge, you've
got a cock-eyed servant girl!' I thought
that a little rough when ladies were
present, but turned the subject and
said nothing. Dinner went on, and
pretty soon he exclaimed: 4'Why,
Judge, your roast beef is too rare and
your turkey is too well done.' This
was pretty bad, but I thought I'd let it
pass, when he turned and began to discuss
the tariff question. Then I had
to hit him."?Philadelphia News.
The Prince Consort's Mausoleum.
The mausoleum from the outside,
though imposing, gives no indication
that the large sum of ?200,000 was
spent by the queen in its construction.
The visitor, however, from the moment
he passes beyond the monolithic columns
of the porch, with its' ceiling of
Venetian mosaic by Salviati, can understand
how superlative is the art work
comprised within the limits of the interior.
The ground plan is in the form
of a Greek cross. The dome, lighted
by eight stained-glass windows, in the
clerestory, is colored bine, with gold
stars. Lines of angels between each
window converge towards the center.
From this height of seventy feet to the
sxquisite floor of inlaid marble there is
lot an inch of space without the adornment
of the best decorative art. The
marble paneling of the walls, the bas
reliefs, the urns and statues, the fresco
paintings of saints and incidents of
scripture history?the painting in the
?eilmg of the eastern transept, "The
Glorification of the Saints," was from
a, sketch by the princess royal of England?are
one and all worthy of the
most careful study.?London hew*
Ranking Above Their Fathers.
"When I was Secretary of 1 he Navy,"
says Robeson, 'and Grant was President,
some hurdreds of the sailors of the better
class came to me and asked to have
some rank given them. They didn't
care abcnt an inci'ease cf pay, but
they wanted relative rank.
"I fionldn't do anvthin? for them,
but they came several times, and were
rather importunate, and I finally led a
delegation of them over lo the White
House and let them present their petition
to President Grant in person.
They told him what they wanted, and
argued for a redress of their grievances,
plainly but forcibly.
At last an old boatswain came to the
front, and hitching up his trousers and
turning over his incumbent quid, he
said: 'Mr.,president, I can put this
'ere matter so's you can see it plain.
VriTO- T ho?jf-ri.orftnt? in fact, a
father. My son is a midshipman. He
outranks me, don't you observe? That
ain't ri^ht, don't you see?'
" 'Indeed,'said Grant;'who appointed
;'m a middy?' ... , >
tetf??and encouraged by' the'question,
he went on: 'It aiirt right, don't you see,
that I should be beneath 'im?:. Wy, ef
I was to go on to his ship the boy I
brought up to obejence would boss his
own father! Jest think of that! An'
he has better quarters 'n me, an' better
grub, nice farn'ture, an' all that; sleeps
in a nice soft bed 'n1 all that. See?'
"'Yes, the President said; 'yes; the
world is full of inequalities. I know of
a case quite similar to yours.'
"The old bo'sun chuckled quietly,
and gave another hitch to his lower
" 'I know of an old fellow,' said Gen.
Grant, 'who is postmaster of a little
town in Kentucky. He lives in a plain
way, in a small house. He is a nice
old man, but he isn't much in rank.
His son outranks him more than your
son does you. His son lives in Washington,
in the biggest house there, and
he is surrounded'by the nicest of furniture,
aud eats and drinks anything he
takes a notion to. He could remove
his father from office in a minute if he
wanted to. But he doesn't want to.
And the old man?that is Jesse Grant,
you know?doesn't seem to care about
the inequality in rank. I suppose ne is
glad to see bis bov get along in the
O v ? O
"The old bo'sun looked down at tbe
carpet and tried to bore a hole in it
with his toe, and his comrades all
laughed at him joyously, and slapped
him on the back and filed out in great
glee. It was the last I ever heard of the
petition oi* the petitioners. The old
bo'siin Jlting his cud into a cuspidor as
he left. Probably he had concluded to
give up thinking.'
Passed. Sentence on Themselves.
"That policeman ought to arresthimself
and take himself to the station
house," said a gentle man from Missouri
as he sprang backward to avoid a
lurehinsr blutcoat who was taking up
the entire sidewalk on a side street
"You may laugh at the idea of a man's
arresting himself," he continued, when
lie and lii.s companion had watched the
convivial policeman disappear around
the corner, "but I've known of judges
trying themselves, often..out West
Down in Southern Missouri, where I
c:;me from, we had a judge a few years
ago who divorced himself. It happen*
* -i* -\r TY:_ ? ?
cci at juaua, 1*10. ins wns w?
a little o'd and failed and the judge
wanted a younger companion. He
made life very uncomfortable for her
and she went to pay a visit to a sister.
The judge immediately took advantage
of her absence and tiled a petition in
his own court charging his wife with
desertion. The c se came up in about
a month afterward, and lie- announced
his intention of trvin<r the case himself.
His wife,- for some-reason, did not contest,
and the judge granted himself aD
"Soon after the war Judge Wilson,of
Shannon County, killed a man in a
quarrel over a horse. At the judge's
request he was indicted for murder in
the first degree. The c so was immediately
called for trial. Wilson announced
he would sit upon the case
himself, which lie did. If anything, all
his rulings wore against his own interest,
and lie acted very fairly all through
the trial. The evidence "all went to
show that he had committed the deed
in self-defense, and lie was acquitted.
' There was another queer old judge
named Armstrong. He was a very
large man, with a very high opinion of
himself, but he knew very little law.
He made a ruling one day which the
Prosecuting Attorney disagreed with
and a heated argument ensued between
44 4Therc is no such decision as tnat
justified by law, and a judge who has a
grain of legal learning would not give
such a ruling,' said the attorney.
44 4You little shyster,' roared the
iudge, 4for a cent I would throw this
law book at your head.1
44 4If you did you would throw away
more law than you ever had in your
head,' retorted the attorney.
4'This was more than the judge could
stand, and he got down from'the bench
and wiped the lloor with the attorney.
Then he climbed back on the bench and
said: . .
44 *Mr. Clerk, please enter a line
against me for S50,' and he paid it on
+>>/? c-nnt- " ? ATmd York Telearam.
The Friday Superstition.
"This superstition about Friday being
an unlucky day is all bosh," observed
an elderly passenger to the middleaged
lady whose acquaintance he had
formed. "I don't take no stock in
in these superstitions, anyway. Now,
I know something about Friday - from
my own experience. It was on Thursday
tiiat my lirst wife died, and on Friday
I married my present wife."
"You wretch!" exclaimed the lady
by his side. "How dare you sit down
beside a respectable woman and talk so
shamelessly. It's disgraceful, and I
wonder that your neighbors didn't tar
and feather you. What a mean thing a
man can be, anyhow. The idea of a
wife dying Thursday and the widower
marrying again on Friday."
"But, hold up, madam. You are
AVrtitflH If 1'
"How, don't try to smooili it over.
Don't say a word about it. You'll
make a bad matter worse. The old excuse
about children to be taken care of,
I suppose. I think a man?"
"But, madam, you are wild. True,
my first wife died on Thursday and I
married my second on Friday, but three
ro^rc intervened between the two
"Oh!" . J
It is now pretty well settled that a
man who purchases a limited railwayticket
can complete his journey if he
starts cm the day the limit expires, notwithstanding
it may take him several
days longer to complete his journey.
AN ANCIENT VILLAGE.
A Son of Xoa.Ii, According to Its Inhabitants,
Said to lie the Founder.
Our special correspondent with the
Afghan Commission thus describes an
? - J * ? ? A" 1IT1?'AU 1\A
C.\UilUI.UUIiUJ-iUUft.iiJ? ? ma^u xuitu Uii
passed at the distance of 100 miles
"We had not proceeded 'ar on our
way when vestiges of the former condition
of thing, met our eyes. It was at
a place only 100 miles from Teheran
that we first realized the dreadful state
of danger in which the people had
lived. We found a most remarkable
village at which we encamped. Supposing
no information could have been
procured, and an archaeologist had
come upon it by accident, he wjbuld
have had a profound puzzle to unravel
. and explain. The name of the village
is Lasgird. The people ascribe an immense
antiquity to it, and say that Las,
or Last, a son of Noah, drew on the
ground the 'gird,' or circle, which is
the plan of the structure. The hero of
this legend is not very .-familiar to BiWirtnl
cnli/J?i?e ,rr> }in(: JipTs
IAUVVU.y v**v -? ' V?/?T ?>? *?v
not unknown in Afghanistan. The
Colosseum at Rome, although an oval,
would convey some idea of the general
appearance of Lasgird, ouly it must be
conceived as built of mud, which is almost
the only building material of this
country. It should also be recollected
that the one belongs to a period of good
architecture, of which it is a celebrated
monument, while the other-may be said
to be entirely destitute of any pretensions
of this kind.
4'The rude mud walls are thick and
solid all round at the base, and rise
some thirty or forty feet, where there is
a line of doors, with here and there a
small window between them. By
means of projecting beams, or branches
of trees, over which smaller branches
are laid, a kind of gallery is produced,
bearing a strong resemblance to those
simple forms of birds' nests which are
formed of sticks placed on the upper
branches of tree?. The wonder is how
the eggs do not roll over, or that the
chicks do not tumble down to destruction.
So it is with the galleries of Lasgird?there
is no protection on the
edge. let we saw women anacnuaren,
sheep and goats, upon them?a more
frail and dangerous-looking arrangement
it would be hard to conceive.
' "There are two tiers of houses all
round, and in some places there appeared
to be three. .Ail had these galleries
in front, either to communicate
with the next house, or, as some did
not communicate, they were only of
use to come out upon to sit, or work, or
for the children to play upon; to us
these places seemed the -brink of destruction,
while to the women and children
it all appeared as safe and comfortable
as if they had been monkeys.
Of course there was no getting up to
these galleries from the outside; that
would have suited the Turkomans. The
means of going up were all on the in
3 _ TT
SIUC. Ill suiue iUMiiauci luucaic iuu^u
steps of mud, and in others there are
inclined planer, half la Mors :u:d half
road, made in the same way as the galleries.
These lead up to galleries communicating
with the houses, which were
an exact repetition of those on the outside,
the only .difference being that they
were not so high up, and there were
walls at places which did duty as a parapet,
hence the certainty of falling over
fftnm CA rrraat frAm
UiU ULVV CV g*VMV MVM* ?MV
as on the outside.
"While looking at this strange structure
from one of these upper galleries,
an old woman, of at least 70 years of
age, passed me, with a child stuck in
some primitive way on her back; a few
y-ards from me was one of these means
of ascent formed of sticks with the remains
of mud hanging to it It would
have done for fowls to go up to their
roosts upon. She clambered up on this
to the gallery above, but that was not
her destination; her house was one up
still higher in a corner, and to reach it
she had to crawl up on' the edge of a
crumbling mud wall, not above eighteen
inches wide; on her left hand was
a perpendicular descent, enough to
make any one dizzy, and death at the
bottom of it, if a fall should occur; although
the other side there was only a
few feet, if the old crc ture had slipped,
the chances are that she wou d
have rolled down, and fallen over the
gallery with the baby on her back. '1 he
old lady went up very steadily, and
reached her crow's nest in perfect safety.
I could-not help thinking that a
few generations of this kind of thing
would undo all our development, and
that wc would go back again to our
original Simian condition.
"The dwellings of the people wore all
in the upper part of the great circle,
and the center was filled up with
strange moss structures,which are now
falling to decay, as there is no longer
any danger from the Turkomans.
These places were for containing the
grain of the village and for receiving
the live stock of the villagers when a
raid occurred. One of a number of
wells was pointed oi;t to us within a
circle, and we were told that they had
three or four which were all kept in
good order in the days of danger.
There is only one entrance to this circle,
and that is by a small entrance
scarcely four feet in height, to which
there is a stone door working with a
pivot and socket simil r to the ancient
stone doors found in the Hanran and
other parts of the Soudan. This stone
door of Lassrird is a very rude one, be
ing eight inches thick in some parts,
and it tells its tale of the existence of
great danger and the necessity for protection.
"Sir Peter Lunsden had a lon? con
versation with the Khet Khodah and
some of the principal villagers, and it
seemed that they not only ascribed tho
origin of Lasgird to-the Son of Noah,
42?u,' as they called him; but they likened
their strange dwelling-place to the
Ark. Extreme theologians, who iden
tify the church with the Ark, say all
who were in the Ark were saved; all
without were destroyed. This was exactly
the case with Las^iru. When a
Chupao took place all who got in were
secure; all who were left outside became
victims. A chronic state of war
??-a. ?3 ? J
eXISlrCU, unil iLkis JUi emeu. v.uiagc n?u
the result- The Government either
could not, or would not, defend the
people, and they had to take means for
their own safety."?London Daily
"Do you think his disease incurable,
doctor?" "He is a poor man, isn't
he?" Hasn't got a dollar." "Yes;
medicine won t do him any^oodnow."
t'tTo Vina i T-ir>n iiikJA xrVin has
to pay all expen " "Excuse me, if
you please," interrupted the physician,
waving his hand. "Never mind about
the rich uncle. As I was saying when
you interrupted me, I don't think medicine
will do him any good, but I never
?ive up a patient until he is dead."
The agricultural classes of Franco
have ?200,000,000 on deposit in the government
savings banks, on which are
paid 4 per cent interest.
V? IT ANI) UUJiOti.
j 0, say can you sec l>y the dawn's early light.
What you failed to perceive at the twilight's
I cranky concern that through the long
u cr xne dim wnerc you siept "was bu o?uvijjstreaming:?
The silk patches so fair,
Bound, threc-cornered. and square.
Give proof iliat the lunatic bed-quilt Is
0. the crazy-quilt mania triumphardy raves.
And maid, wife, and widow are hound as its
"There s a good time coming, noys.
So say the wisest men:
But if they're rijrht. will some of them
Please specify just when?
The cartoon now figures prominently.
The car-tune is,''Yourfare, please,
If a two-wheeled vehicle is a bicycle,
and a three-wheeled a tricycle, to what
cycle does the wheelbarrow belong?"
A woman at Pekin, III., has fingernails
an inch long. Her husband ?poes
creeping around as if he was walking
on tacks. * '
The conductors on street-cars in _
Mexico alway carry revolvers. Probably
they want to shoot the fares after
they have ktioc-ked them down.
n is wen cnougn to pui mu w
to keep on discovering gold mines, but %
when you are asked to buy stock is the
time for you to close your left eye.?
Detroit Free Press.
A man who paid the plumber $500
for putting the water on every floor of
his house said when the chimney
caught fire the engine company did the
same job without charging him a penny.
"Oh! yes," said the Kentucky man.
"We keen a cow, and also have a well.
We can't make the punches without
milk, you know, and a cow can't get
along" without water."?Philadelphia , .
A bashful youth, confronted with the
contingency of having to "speak to the
old man about her," was heard to remark:
"After a fellow pops, then
pop's the fellow that worries the
A Brooklyn man spilt some ink on a
rag and expended $3.65 to get the stain
out. As he could buy a rug for $1.75
he is correspondingly mad, and lays all
Joaquin Miller professes to have
"leaned against the warm, tremendous
mouth1' of the Mississippi. In the interest
of sane poetry, it is a pity the
mouth didn't open and take him in.?
Gen. Dan Sickles, who lost his leg in
the late war, was asked by a waiter in
a restaurant how and when he lost it.
Sickles says he replied: "Young man,
I lost my leg at the battle of Bunker
DTSll if "
ULlil, clilU UVU U JfV/U
At the recent Woman's Congress one
lady remarked that "it's a nice thing
for a man to keep his mouth fit to be
kissed." What has thct to do with
woman suffrage? Is this a forecast of
campaign tactics in the halcyon future?
The Philadelphia Call explains why
there are no lodges or clubs among the
mormons. "lx is uul uj. iue raugo
of possibility to expect to find
eighteen or twenty wives all asleep
whea the belated member gropfts kis
Miss Prettypert?"Why don't you
come over with your sister to our piaee~~
sometimes, Johnnie?11 Johnnie (rising
10)?"Well, it's like this, y'know,
Miss Prettypert. Where there's a
rippin nice girl like you,if I came often
people might think I had intentions,
and I'm not a marrying man!"
man m town received a note
nhTisfcmfis. in which the writer thanked
him for some conscience money, which
he supposed the man had sent. The
receiver of the letter wrote a note in
answer saying: "Your letter would be
correct but for two reasons. I never
had any money, and I never had any
conscience to" speak of."?Lawrence.
"When were the pyramids of Egypt
discovered?" asked the teacher. "In
the middle ages," replied the scholar
at the foot of the class." "What do you
mean by the middle ages?" further
questioned the pedagogue. "Why, the
pyramidal ages, of course." The boy
is at the head now. That is to say, ho
is earning board and washing in a barber
"Johnnie, have you been fighting?"
gravely inquired Mrs. Jarphly. "Xo,
main," answered tbe heir of the Jarplys.
"John Schermerhorn, -how dare
you tell me an untruth!" exclaimed his
mother. "Where did you get that
black eye, sir?" "I traded another
boy two front teeth and a broken nose
for it," replied Johnnie, as he crossed
? i ri'ji.r m
CDC wooa-pue.?ruLsourg k/htuuicik.
"How is it you never married, Charlie?"
"0, I don't know, except I remained
single from choice." "Why,
I heard that you tried to get that Podgkins
girl a year or two ago." "Yes, I
did risk her to marry me." "And she
would not have you?" "That's about
the size of it. So I remained single
e 1- -r T 5*
irom CtiOlCC?iici uuuiw, ^vu&uun.
When Mrs. Oieo, the boarding-house
mistress, was told that the inspector
of provisions had seized 468 pounds of
veal, ninety-two founds of poultry,
fifty-two pounds of bear meat, thirtyseven
lambs, six barrels of peas, and
200 boxes of herring, she remarked:
"Pretty good appetite; but nothing to
mir VrtnM (rVlf" tA
OVUi^ Vi iMI MVU4MV4?;,
see them when they're good and hun?
. . 11
gry- -J -
How Whittier Became an Editor.
Whittier, the poet, is reported as
saying to an interviewer recently:
"Trifles sometimes have an important
bearing on one's life. A "copy of the
JLL2HL1V1U llCl.iCLO ICxI UUUU Uij vjv,
and I determined to fend its editor,
George D. Prentice, a few poems, which
he kindly published. My contributions
continued, and when he resigned in
i order to live in Louisville, where he
made for himself a reputation as one
of the most brilliant journalists as well
as pungent and witty paragraphists in
America, he advised the publisher to
send for me to take his place. I was
out in the corn Geld hoeing when the
letter came to mc inviting me to take
editorial charge of the paper. I could
not have been more surprised if I had
been offered the crown of England.
I What education, what experience had
I for such a task! I knew little of men
and things or books. I was singularly
deficient in knowledge of the aflairs of
the day. And }et the task, formidable
as it seemed to me, was worth attempting.
So I accepted the trust I
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resolutely to fill the position, and I succeeded,
after hard work and patient
study, in making the paper acceptable
to its readers."
The Ottoman Empire is about to
take a een us, and oddly enough,
proposes to let the job out to the lowest
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