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Newspaper Page Text
- ior anc the College Humorist.
Pematnfial V10ctim4 of thle humorous
iaper at. Yale are the fainilliar caivpis
chuaracters. Jim Donnelly. tile police
lan; Pop Warner, the "tee:ing ex
pressiani." so called because he deliv
eers hMi goods in an atutomobile. and
iloselerg Sons. the suit pressers.
atbout whom. in a Pegasian flight of
<listress at the time of the Junior
prom.. the Record uttered these wing
Oh. Rlosenborg. dear Rosenberg,
Thy .ons wo'll no'er forget.
Timt rc:3L of clothes.
Gj(od only knows.
I'm waiting for thern yet.
1I m1in that train. I'l go insane
ATn rip and tear and cuss.
Jcst out of reach
There goes that peach
I've missed my chance to fuss.
With this same suilt presser as hero,
the story is told on a popular pro
fessor that In leading Chapel one morn
Ig h)e stopped short. leaned over and
'whispered exeltedly to the choir,
"*Wlmt's the naime of that song, 'Press
On. Cbrlstlan Soldier, Press On?'"
"tosenberg!" came fromti a dozen men
ut note. "We'll slug three stanzas of
:llosenberg!" said the leader, with cec
elesiastleal -ssurance.-E. It. Eibree
In a Nitroglycerin "Hill."
ti the "dainger atrea" the severest
ilscipline is nalintaiined. All entrances
aIre t.arefully guat rded by searcliers.
-wlo rigorousiy examine314 every ildl
vidual that desires to enter, relieving
ll"n of any metallic objects that imay
be carried upon his person. together
with matches and other suspelous ob
Jects which upon coming into contact
with the dangerous chenlicals used in
this zone might provoke serious trou
ble. No matter how often an employee
engaged within the hill may pass in
and out, every time he enters he must
submit to this preliminary and essen
tial operation. There are also some
GOO girls employed. and these aire un
der the charge of matrons. IHairpins.
ordinary pins, shoe buttons. metal pegs
'within the soles of the shoes, knitting
And other needles are all religiously
barred. Thelr hair is tied with brai
or ribbon, and. as with the male em
ployees. every timUe they enter the
"danger area" they are similarly
searched by the malatrols. - Selentitle
A Hard Knock.
* Rai'road claim agents have little
faith in their fellow creatures. One
said recently: "Every tiIe I settle a
claim with one of tllere hard headed
rural residents who wants the' raiload
to pay twice what lie woil hirge th
butcher if he gets a 'het'ep ki!led, 1
11i0i'.. of.. thi.s story. lust rat lve of till
'ay some VeopIle valt t) ild tle rail
road responsle for every nllle::1, 0,
whatever kin. that happenctils. TvI
Irlshmien wer divint. 13m Iro:'
town one night when their l-uggy rn:
Into a dith, overturnte!, an:1 hey were
both stunned. Whn a resc'r ::1ne
Along and)( revivord thCntho i:stthn
on1e o t i ahl was. 'Wheres the
lriniu ?' 'Whiy, t': :':'e's4 l 1 : 1ala a:-c cd.'
heC wa:s tichl. 'T!.e-. w'h'r:c th ra
ro.d?': r:::urb .
iles*. awy. e .:n ..ew.'
hec n me td ' ': o I !! :: t p 3
fyh n . Ini I intm ms itk o .
rai .lh i, "*i :.
krJ:mvw I ieel I were ac i.::i' hcc
I ween:c thc Wc1 nial D New. T1eata
The! rabb i turni3'ed ai sadc eyed gaze
"Yes., lcnndamcl."' 1h3 sa. "an3d. itf you
wvill reenll i, t hat. page is usualnc ly a bilank
She W~as n Bit Dashful.
M'tr. P'eeL, a3 very dlitlldenlt mlan, was1
unbl ci to icrdven3t hhnlfl~ being intro
dlucedl 0one even3ing to a1 fascinlatinug
younlg lady, who 1in.lisundlerst:tning his1
11nme cons.t:antly altirssed h33i a Mr.
Peters, much(1 to thie genitlemcan's (dis
nge, he eairnetstiy reon~straIted : "'Oh,
don3't call 331 Petcers. Call 1m1 Poet!"
"Ahi, but I don't khlow you well
enough, Mr. Peters." satid the young
lady, hlushing, asR she wlthdrewv be
h11nd( 1her fan1.-Londonl TVeiegraph.
Tho Onion In Cooking.
T1he grea test of Frenlch (cooks, being
askettd tom gIve tihe secret 01f hIs success,
an1swered : "T1he' ver~y f'ounda31tion3 of all
* good c)okinlg is butte ir and3( oniont! I
us13e them1 h i all mysauces anid gravies.
['Tey have thle eff'tect of mlakinig a cus
- temer~t come1 back for morae. IButter
withou)t 03ni0n will drlive tihe customer
awa~iy after' a few d'alys. Bll the On )tn
till it melts11 or entirely disappearsi
theni ath13 tihe butter and call the mix
;1aie Juliana hoerners, prioress of
he1 l1uiner$' of Sapwell, near St, Al
Ah,.s , iai..the author 'of thj
:~ci:~ I i! I's. (~:~~t ~~ett~d ~ ~t. hu i* foi~n~u
''how did ji:t w~t when you tisked
~e:y gent Ic a iid (011 rteous. It (IU Ito I
tOOk UIO by Sl1r1)Ii.~Q."
"I told l~Iia you Llse(l to lie a ~:gII
1st." - hIou~itoii Post.
~Iurtel-Wiiy (lldII~ you uuorry him?
lila ulloacy wa~ all goao.--New Orlouio
The Grcatost ~h'~u on Earth.
A quiestlcni which tr:ivelers often nsk
.~acli other Iii various parts of th~
world is. "What is really the greatest
natural wouiller on earth It Is e:av
to a nswer uuin~*. StRIPe the atiijx iidoa:~
(nhls of t he 7.0 III he'/.i ii vci have been
ill5CO~CP(!il. I hi 1*IiI l.Iv I fl~HtOi'it' (*;i
t'ie au~Iu Tall *the IIR)Mt woiiIez~'ul
Th t I hul(1 vlsI ted ti~ ~\ rriea: .\ u~
'.t.1 ~iae Imagines the spectacle of I
':~e of the worlds :i: 1gb t lest :1 vera.
~vo mu i'.ea ~vlde. fm~1!i:ug sheem* 42() fei't
It to I it)t ha rIl to agree ~v I lb oiie or tIC
4e't triveltwii a mid miuI~sIomiailt's t mt
I ~v~'i, lIved. Omit* own N bigura is uty
half a untie ~~'illo 011(1 ~S feet hlg'u
that it figures as a mere euscu~..~* i;i
coinpa rlson.-Tra v~oi M egazine.
We wish to thank our friends and cu
beral patronage they gave us during the
We are now replenishing our stock for
d e are going to offer you some spe
-ade with us.
Watch this space.
ThATH, BRUCE, MO
the old ti
stomcrs for the very
the spring business,
cial inducements to
rd of the South
me fish guano.
*o fol ,.a.