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H"feM-f ! 'i 1 1 1 i' H-H H llilllti IH-
Whether Common or Not
UH-t'H 1 8 I 1 I -H-M l-l M- H 1 I H-M"t"HH"t"fr
nan, Poor Alan.
Trusts in crudlcs and bottles und milk,
Trusts in wool and in cotton;
Trusts in needles and pins and threads-
Cursed by trusts when begotten.
Trusts in headgear und clothing and shoes,
' '"' ' Trusts in physio and lighting;
Trusts in everything he must eat .
' Life is a strenuous fighting.
9, 'Taxed by the trusts while a babe In arms,
"' Taxed late, early and of ten i
Taxed on the comforts of youth and ugev , . ,
Taxed lit last in his coflln.
Taxed on tho marble that marks his rest
And tells the world "Hie Jacet;"
This will explain why a man don't nceuV
, A shroud that has a pocket.
Syndicate 8 und H 2 0.
Trust Legalized grand larceny.
Subsidy Fruition and suckcrdom.
Constitution A manuscript collander.
Flag Corollary of commercial asset.
Patriot The man with the concession.
Assimilation Synonym of grab; a mask.
Duty Profitable linancial viewpoint.
Moral Code Product of an elastic conscience.
Aggression Refusing to be benevolently assi
milated. Infant Industry A key to a public treasury.
Sympathy Something that costs nothing. (Obs.)
CX SS IS H3
ft A Safe Inference.
"What are you reading, my son?" asked rapa
Wiscboy glancing at his son and heir who was study
ing a current magazine.
"0, Pin reading about 'The Famous Songs of
Famous Educators.' It's awful interestin'. What
do you suppose is Dr. Harper's favorite? "
"Well, I'm not acquainted with Dr. Harper, but
I imagine that 'Retreat' is his favorite."
"What makes you think that?"
"Because that's the song where it says something
about 'the oil of gladness on our heads.' "
Not a New Act.
"I notice, paw,!' remarked Mrs. Cornblade as she
stacked up the supper dishes, "that them scicntiiic
fellers out west are disputin' about whether a rattle
snake can crawl backwards into his hole. What d'ye
think about it?"
"I don't know much about snakes doin' the
baek'ard crawlin," replied Farmer Cornblade as he
laid his paper aside, "but I've jus' been readin"bout
th' republican party's movements concernin' th' in
come tax, th' revenoo tax, th' money question an'
sympathizin' with the people struggliu' f'r liberty."
As" patriot ho loved to pqse, y ..,,: -
And mako long, loud professions. ,
Hut soon tho people "all could sec
He shouted loudest just when ho
Secured some now concessions.
The Modern Version.
"What does it mean in Ecclcsiastes where it says,
'Wisdom is good, with an inheritance?' "
"That was the ancient way of shotting for the
old Hag, aud an appropriation."
The Twentieth Century Education.'
"Good morning, gentlemen, " said Professor Twig
'eiu, mounting the rostrum of the lecture room and
facing the multitude of students gathered from all
parts of the earth. "I am proud to see so many, of
you this morning.
A ripple of applause swept over the iecture room
as Professor Twiggem drew from hb Docket a roll of
manuscript and adjusted his glasses.
"We are here this morning, gentlemen, io
purpose of discussing the subject of 'Industrial Com
bination,' " said the professor. "We are to discuss it
with reference to its effect upon free "
"Pardon me, professor," interrupted the Academic
Censor, "but has your manuscripts been passed upon
by the manager of the Yardstick Oil Company?"
"It has, sir."
"And has the superintendent of the Consolidated
Embalmed Beef Promotion Syndicate carefully scruti
"He did that last night, sir."
"And has the third vice president of the Amalga
mated Steel, Iron, Brass and Copper Company placed
his oflicial '0. K.' upon your remarks?"
"He has, sir."
"Then, sir, may I ask if the Ancient and Acci
dental Society of Possible University Donors has
properly examined your manuscript?"
"It has, sir. All possible interests have been con
sulted and paciiicd.
"Then, sir," said the Academic Censor, "here is
your ticket which entitles you to proceed with your
A law moments later Professor Twiggem was
reading from his manuscript and the assembled
students were paying as little attention as possible.
"Good morning, Marcoiiius! And why this pen
sive brow, this deep thought, this air of abstraction?"
"Good morning, Itocksanimus: 'Tis well I met
thee. Behold here an ancient papyrus of the date
1900. Note well, Ilocksanimus, that it doth mention
'free speech.' Tell me, good friend, what meanest
"Tut, tut, Marconius; why botherest thou thy
head about such foolish research? 'Free speech?
"Tis but an idle fancy entertained by those who once
did flutter themselves that all men were equal. 'Twas
but'the fancy of brains diseased. 'Tis well that by
their scheming plans our forebears did cure the minds
and rid them of the idle fancies. Come, Marconius,
let us to the Street and shake the dice to see who
shalt have writ and warrant to seize and take what
poor deluded mortals in the fields think theirs by
right of toil and struggle."
W. M. M.
'Taint your oppyletts an' feathers
Make the thing a grain more right;
'Taint afollcrin' your bell-wethers
Will excuse ye in His sight;
Kf you take a sword an' dror it,
An' go stick a feller thru,
Guv'mcnt aint to answer for it,
God'll send the bill to you.
James Rubmslv Lowkm.
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The simple truth of the matter is that our immedi
ate necessities in the Philippines call for an army of
occupation 75,000 strong. Even with 75,000 troops
permanently assigned to duty in our new we might
say prospective possessions, we shall barely be able
to hold our present footing, such as it is. Events
have shown that General Otis was never at any time
within 1,000 miles of any true understanding of the
situation in Luzon. No one able to read the news
papers and the Congressional Record can possibly be
persuaded to give respectful audience to the foolish
twitter of the Philippine commission sitting solemuly
uttering oilicial nonsense. We arc face to face with
the facts. Why not recognize them with candor and
deal with them honestly and bravely? Washington
It is high time the American public got over its
delusions about this war. It has deceived itself too
long with the notion that it was fighting merely an
ambitious rebel chief, representing only a fraction of
a single tribe, and maintaining his power as much by
the terror he inspires as by any sense of patriotism.
We are not fighting a government or an army, but a
whole people. Rut if we arc going to conquer
the people we shall have to imitate the course of
Great Britain in South Africa. Where an armed body
of rebels appears wo must burn the village that gave
it shelter and destroy the crops on which it fed. We
must concentrate non-combatants in small garrisoned
districts, as the Spanish did. We must send all pris
oners to distant exile. We must execute promptly
any who arc detected in breaking their oath of alle
giance. We must make our soldiers a terror to the
whole population, because a people can be ruled by
force only after they have been taught to fear. The
work of tyranny can be done only by the methods of
tyranny. Buffalo Express (Rep.)
Is there to be no modification of the Administra
tion's Philippine policy? After nearly two years of
war what do we see in Luzon and the other rebellious
islands? Tho natives, though their armies have been
scattered, are fighting as guerillas with as much
resolution as ever against the invader who was wel
comed as a deliverer. Where it has bcen sought to
conquer peace and order, bloody anarchy exists. IJo w
long is tliis to last? The American republic
can afford to do what is best for itself, materially and
morally, even though that should involve the freedom
of the Filipinos. The democrats were quite right in
their campaign contention that the attempt to rule
the Filipinos without their consent and in spite of
their fierce and sanguinary protest docs violence to
the letter and spirit of the Declaration of Independ
ence. Had "imperialism" been the only issue Bryan
and not McKinley would today be the president-elect,
for there are millions of republicans who agree with
the defeated rather than the successful candidate on
this question. Philadelphia North American (Rep.)
Since August 0, 1898, we have sold to the people
in the Philippine islands goods to the amount of $!J0
000,000. To effect this sale we have expended up
wards of 8200,000,000 and sacrificed 3,251 American
soldiers, flow long will it take this nation to bank
rupt itself by securing trade and commerce at such a
cost? And how mucli more would we have sold to
the'Philippine islands in the same length of time if
we had treated the Filipinos on American, lines?
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The New York "Nation" outlines, on what it be
lieves to be excellent authority, the scheme with
which the United States government will attempt to
settle the Cuban question. To put it quite briefly,
this scheme is to call Cuba an independent and sover
eign state and at the same time to deprive her of all
rights which are generally connected with independ
ence and sovereignty. For instance, the Cubans
will be allowed no army and no navy, no diplomatic
relations with other countries (everything will be ar
ranged for them at Washington), and no right to raise
money by a public loan. This plan is said "by a
mouthpiece of the government to be in keeping of the
original promise made by congress "in a practical and
not in a sentimental sense." It is conceivable that in
the last two and a half years the government may
have juggled their minds into believing that this
would be a practical redemption of their promise, but
we who have not had the advantage of having our
minds so closely exercised on the subject cannot re
gard it as a redemption in any sense at all. The words
in the old promise which disclaimed "any disposition
or intention to exercise sovereignty, jurisdiction or
control" forbid us to think otherwise. And it is cer
tain that if the Cubans had foreseen in what practical
sense they were to be made independent they would
not have accepted the offer of American intervention.
If the United States government were to say that they
had made a mistake, aud were more or less honestly
to try to justify the repudiation of their promise,
though that would be a sorry course, it would.be bet
ter than this giving of a stone and swearing that it is
bread. One only hopes that the "Nation" is mistaken,
but its character renders this only too unlikely.
Manchester (Eng.) Guardian.
The democratic party is a corporation organized
to promote the general welfare, having at pi'esqnt
7,000,000 stockholders. A few gentlemen who were
formerly stockholders but sold out their holdings
four years ago, now want to "re-organ i'e" the corpor
ation. The proposition receives the same considera
tion from the 7,000,000 real stockholders as a similar
one would in any industrial company. Columbus
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