Newspaper Page Text
IS KfJJWW 'IV
Whether Common or Not.
The Annual Trouble.
I shudder when my work Js dona . .
And I approach my cottago door,
For fear tho yearly rout's begun . . ,
And I am in for it onco more.
Around tho corner near my homo
I slyly poop in doubt and fear
That to my eyes a sight will como
To banish hope and light and cheer.
For Dorothy tho last few days. ,
Has looked about with well-known gaze.
Tho symptoms fill my soul with dread
And fear my very boing racks;
For as I sleepless toss in boi
I think of rags and nails and tacks.
And at tho morn I know full well
Tho blow must soon or lator fall;
That' naught can break the gloomy spell
Which settles o'er us like a pall.
Afi'd"!'tls no longor wise to hope
To miss tho scont of paint and soap.
Washrags and piles of woll-worn clothes;
A scrubbing brush and cans of lye;
A broomstick tacked on bit of hose,
Stopladdor standing idly by.
Tho clothesline stretched from house to shed,
And mops and brooms in open sight
That's why I como with fear and dread
Homo from tho office ev'ry night.
I feel that soon tho awful blow
Will fall and fill mo full of woo. v
And when at laBt T see the sign
That I am up against it hard . , ,
Tho carpets hanging on the lino, -
Tho furniture strewn 'round tho yard ,
I'll know tho yearly week of dread . . .J
Has como, and that my loving spouse, r ,
With dust cap set upon her head
Has gono to work at cleaning house.
And then tho carpets I must beat " ,'
Arid'DW&oittent with scraps to eat ' -4
riodernlzcd Provcrts. ..' r
Tho world loves a cheerful loser.
Love never laughs at goldsmiths. '
A beer in the brewery is worth two in the hide.
Congressmen who vote franchises must not bo
A stitch in time may cure appendicitis.
War has its congressional grafts no. less
profitable than peace.
Never look a slot machine in the face.
Behold what a great smell a little cigarette
flodcra Business Methods.
Irato Customer "I thought you said these
Tvero fast colors!"
Smooth Clerk "Do not become excited my
dear madam. Let us understand each other per
fectly. If I say a horse is fast, do you understand
that I mean the horse will not run?"
Irate Customer "Why, no; I guess you
Smooth Clerk "Exactly, madam. You misun
derstood me when I said those were fast colors. I
used tho word 'fast' as you would. In speaking of a
Irate Customer "But "
Smooth Clerk "At the book counter you will
find a late and thoroughly revised edition of 'Eng
lish as She is Spoke.' Step that way, "madam.
Call again, please."
"I have noticed, remarked Uncle Eben, as he
replaced the lid of tho pickle barrel, "that th' man
who is alius quotln' scriptur' is a mighty good
man t watch in a hoss trade.
"An' another thing I hev noticed," continued
Undo Ebon, "it ain't safe f figure thot a man.anf
his wife Hvo happy jus' because they alius call each .
other pot names when company comes."
She'll be There.
A blooming young miss of Eau Clairo,
With lips like red roses a pairo,
Said, "Sure I will geau
To tho Buffalo sheau . , -If
papa the money can spaire."
Life's Shooting Gallery.
Somo men are sure to miss the goal at which they
But marksman, not the bow, is most to blame.
He who will always trouble borrow
Must-usury pay in shape of sorrow.
, All Alike..
"I see Carnegie wants to die poor."
"Well, he won't have any more than the rest
of us after ho is dead."
An Ancient Pigmy.
"How big was Alexander, pa,
That people call him great?
Was he like some' giant steeple tall,
His spear an hundredweight."
Then papa opened up his mouth
And this truth did relate:
"He wasn't half as big as some
Who run our ship of state.
V5 He wasn't big enough to form
' , I-; A. scheme within his pate
iv-. And -financier it till he had--
... ,v., -,, A-monster syndicate." . -
'Mi C s
Of Course. ,
"How did you like the new minister's sermon."
"Much better than I did that stuck-up Mrs.
Peachely's new spring bonnet.''
won't need flowers about'my head
When I am lying cold and dead.
But they will fill my soul with mirth
While I'm alive and still on earth.
With flowers the living's pathway pave
'Tis better than bouquets on the grave.
W. M. M.
"They tell me that Mrs. Whitney's hair turned
'gray in one night."
"Well, you see, a burglar frightened he in tho
night so that she was too nervous to put on her
blonde wig in the morning." Denver News.
I only wish and wish and wish
. That I could fish and fish and fish; . .
I'd like to sit the live long day,
Upon a bale of prairie hay,
Down where the river sadly wails,
And fish for suckers and for whales.
'Tis shameful that on this free soil,
. A man must toil and toil and toil;
And grunt and swear and strive and"groan.
And burst his martingale and moan:
Grow old and bald, before his time,
In following the -festive dime.
Ah, life would be a pjeasant dream,
If. one could sit beside a stream,
WUli rod in hand, at early dawn,
No comrade but his demijohn
(The latter filled with lemonade)
To-sit there in the drowsy shade -.
What higher bliss could mortals wish!
Ah, let us go and fish and fish.
An Example Inviting Caution.
The European country which is said to re
semble tho United States more nearly than any
other in industrial character and s;irit is Ger
many. And it is certainly true that both coun
tries adhere to the high tariff policy, both havo
been given over to the syndicating of production
above other countries, and in botn do we find an.
unequaled dash and enterprise in speculation and
But at the moment industrial conditions in
these two countries contrast strangely. ' Of the sit
uation in the United States we i-eed not speak. Tho'
tide of prosperity seems to be still rising, tho
combination and inflation of industrial and rail
way investments proceed on a scale not before
approached during four years of amazing expan
sion, and the Wall street speculation passes all
previously known bounds. Confidence in the future
is unclouded, labor is fully employed, and all goes
exceedingly well in the amassing of mighty for
The current dispatches from Germany reveaL
a very different situation there. The (speculative
breakdown and industrial reaction, which began
there about a year ago, continue, with deepening
adverse consequences to the people. The Berliner
Tageblatt of a day or two ago describes conditions
as so bad that charitable efforts are powerless to
cope with the situation. Cases of reduced produc
tion and dismissals of working people are so num
erous as no longer to attract notice. It is safe to
sL.-. says an Associated press dispatch of yester
day from Berlin, that 25 per cent of the working
people are either idje or insufficiently employed;
prices in many industries are so depressed that
there is difficulty in meeting the bare costs of op
eration; "many factories have closed, and in
others the hours of labor hae been reduced, whilp
workers crowd to the gates of Ue factories seeking
Another dispatch from the same point says
thL. the great Krupp iron and steel works havq
already dismissed 4,000 employes, and are about
to discharge 5,000 more, and it is added: "The in
dustrial depression continues. Accoroing to a re
cent estimate, one-fourth of the workers in Berlin
are very insufficiently employed or totally idle.
The distress of many is acute. There is no pros
pect of improvement."
, And this is the country of which it was re
ported barely two years ago that "every chimney is
smoking and every wheel turning," and of which
Consul General Mason at Berlin reported to tho
American state department: "The 200 trusts and
syndicates which were in existence in Germany at
the beginning of 1899 are increasing in number
day by day until there is scarcely a single im
portant product of manufacture of which the out
put, price and conditions of sale are not gov
erned by a combination or understanding between
producers." And this is the country where tho
belief obtained wide acceptance, as in our own
country, that the trusts and syndicates were estab
lishing a stability and evenness of Industrial con
ditions which would prevent a recurrence of pe
riods of overproduction, panic and depression. In
the trusts, it was thought, as a Berlin correspon
dent of a New York commercial organ recently
stated, the country had found a panacea for Indus-
This far-off situation may or may not be con
sidered as of domestic concern or bearing, as you
please. The common notion, supported by exper
ience, Is that the commercial natio-.s are so close
ly interrelated that no one of them can hope to
hold Itself unaffected by the influences and condi
tions affecting any of the others. The word of
caution is clearly in order at just this time in the
.United States, if it is ever in order where specula
tion appears to bo in danger of going mad.
Springfield (Mass.) Republican.