Newspaper Page Text
RISE OF Til K TELEGRAPH' Tho First Mossago that Ever "Went Over a Wire. Itnuiniscet;o of rrof snor Mors flivt-nto th l'ub.ic bv- One of His Eirlinst Friends. Bathetic pictures. Nays liz Ncio York Times, have been given by writers ga lore of tlio saddening experiences that with Prof. Morse's in the early days of his telegraph's inception scientists grimacing ninl politicians sneering, earnest endeavor rebuffed, proffered evidence scouted, hope kept over for lorn and halting. And tho lalo is twice told oven to school-boy ears now of Low, through these crowding trials and trooping disappointments, genius finally camo to its reward and gave to the bravo old man tlio glory of a liero to whom all human kind are debtors. Hut lias. tho story ever been told of the ila when for the first time his vis ions were materialized in public sight, of the day when for prom ses ho of fered proofs, when the people, forget ting all their tier shin, hurrahed for him in the streets because of tho wonder of his aeeomplishmcnt? Certainly it has uot been told, in print at least, by the one man now liv ing who best may loll it a man who was officially closo to tho hopeful in ventor in dark days, and who was beside him on tho eventful afternoon, unehronicled in passing histories, when exK!ctation bloomed finally into rap turous reality and huzzas chronicled the convcrsiuu of popular opin ion. A glimpse of it camo out a night or two ago, when, in easy-chairs up in the (Jilsey house, half a dozen friends men of consequence in this town discussed tho past and the present. 'What wonders have I oeu worked since Morse's day!" quoth three or four of the company at, once. Then the gray-haired man, JOHN w. KIIIK. noted in telegraph circles these many, many tears, broke his h lenee. '1 knew Morse," ho said, "knew him intimatelv, and was with him during the days that Were most trying to bin I saw him stretch his lirsL working telegraph line, helped hm encounter tho rebuffs that made up much of his experience just before lie was finally nud completely Micee.s-.ful, and on tho dav that that linal and complete suc cess came I was in his company still." Story! story! ' ran the ejaculation round. "Story! story!" And there was no escaping I he call. The grizzled and gray old gentleman dropped into reminiscence, ami for an hour or more attentive listeners ranged around de lighted. They hoard much that was new certainly much that before had never been mi d, except through sug gestion of scant gossip. Back in the w nicr of 1813-4 Mr. Kirk was taken from Ohio to Washington to look after bids that he and his business associates had made to carry tho mails over stage rouics to the west as tho towns of 1 its burgh. Wheeling, and Cleveland were then described. His business was not the task of a single day; it had mouths of wait ng in it. and Mr. Kirk settled down n the congress ional presence for the season. The postollico department saw a good deal of him before the winter was over. When you expect a bg contract you aro apt to bo gracious; and f genial, young, with spare turn) on your hands as Mr. Kirk's case was forty-four years ago an odd enterprise isn't like Iv to shock your tastes. Thus camo Kirk to know Prof. Morse. John A. Brvan. second assistant post master general at that t me, was one of tho cleverest Ohio politicians of tho day, a man of attainments in many de partments of learning, but inclined to all tho cautiousnoss of tho keen politi cal leader and withal excitable when affairs were not to his personal liking. "see iiekk!" ho cried one morning as Mr, K rk en tered his office. "See here! There's on abomnible scheme to ruin mo ruin me, sir?" Tho gentleman's languago was a littlo more ornamental than tvpe permits, as ho proceeded to make clear to his friendly callor that superior of ficers had plotted to saerilico him by putting in his hands the duty of hand ling the Hi rty thousand dollar appro priation which congress had voted in its haste to adjourn at a previous ses sion, had voted for clcc tr c experiments by Morse. "To bo identified w th such foolishness," declared this officer, was to commit "political suicide," for, of course, the end of tho whole business would bo that Morse would bo recog nized as crazy, and men consort ng with him would be looked upon w th lusp cion, as, tho assistant postmaster general seemed to think, they deserved to be. "You must help me out of tho Bcrape," he said to Mr. Kirk. "I want you to undertake the duty of look ng after Morse If ho puts up wires you see that its all right and I'll pay tho bills only, you see, I really can't af fort to have any closser connection with the thing." Morse had possessed himself of a lit tle room in the east end of tho capilol, and there, abstracted but active, the now attache ot tho postoffioo depart ment found him. a thin spare, careworn anxious man. in tho midst of confusing heaps of wire and pots and apparent debris. The worker paid littlo heed to his visitor. lie was on tho eve of a test whereby ho hoped to satisfy official doubters. A congressional committee was on its way to ee him and examine in practical operation the machine which ho had promised would trans mit iutoligcnt messages between points miles apart. Tho lino which started toward 1'alt more was bu It about fivo miles without tho Washington limits, and the "metalic circu t'. (before the day of ground wires), was in good working order. Tlio committee camo. Tho inventor was in high .nirit. En thusiasm made him almost a "ung man again. The f itno was arrived, ho felt, for a signal victory. No longer would anybody question his claims. Now for proof not to be gainsa d. Tho statesmen approached his Instru ment cautionsly.as if suspecting that it might suddenly got into nn exploding lit. They lifted Hi -ir foot high and swiftly over stray I nos of wire cross ing tho floor, fo il fill of shocks. The i skept cal countenances would have driven tho original Doubting Thomas wild withcuvi. lf.it finally they ranged themselves us closely as they dared bj side the animatedelectr can an I AWAITKI) HIS KXl'EUIMKN'H. ;sow, gentlemen, wnai snail wo send over tho wires?'' ejaculated the old man. "Pick out your own message ' and I'll show you how simple this! whole thing is and how It accomplishes j everything that I've claimed." j Tho gentlemen were hardly expect ing a challenge like this, but finally! congressional genius asserted itself, j and oue of tho party proposed that' this startlingly ori'g nal information bo j 11 as hd along: I Mr. Brown of Iudiana is here. j IYof. Morse bent over his instru-1 ment and pegged away. Tick, tick, i tick-tick-tick weuttho electric tapping, I and then a moment lator camo the Riimo rattling lino of signals upon an adjoining machine the indentation Morso register. Tho old man grabbed tho si p of pa per as it came released from tho instru ment, scanned it eagerly, and then with tho air of an emperor whoso crown is self-won, ho thrust, tho flutter ing white scrap forward. Wh::t to tho j coiigressmcujnppcarcd a eofused eollec t on of unintelligible dots and dashes stretched along tho paper. It was tho telegraphic alphabet, cxplaiuod tho enthusiast. "See!" and ho displaced another sheer on wh ch his dot and clash sign manual appeared "See! Take this for a guide and you'll find printed there the very words you asked trans nictted." Tho delegation did as directed, and euro enough they spelled out tho sen sational goings-on of "Mr. Brown of Indiana." Converted? Those congressmen con verted? Well, hardly. This is the re collection of Mr.,K rk: "One 4 them hunched mo and winked in a superior and knowing sort of way, wh In another wh'spoivd: "That's what I call pretty thin!" and a third remarked right out loud: lt won't do! That doesn't prove anything.' Boor Morse's heart was almost broken. II is triumph was turned all to bitterness. Kveiv oue of his vis tors went awa MOltK SKEPTICAL THAN KVF.i:. The public or so small a portion as took anv interest : the matter, generally attr butod the results that Morse obtained to diabolism, or (when the mom intelligent and scientific minds considered it) to mere legerde main. "Every bod'," continued Mr. Kirk, "thought it a good joke on me and I had lo stand lotsof obalung arouml tho cap tol. It wasn't long before I saw that Assistant Postmaster (Jenoral Bry an had a pretty level heal as a polin cian in not wanting to be mixed up with what he called 'Morse's foolish ness.' But 1 held on. The truth s. I had fallen in love with that resolute old man battling against such odds as prejudice kept piling up against h m." Morse worked only the liar lor after his failuro to convince tho wise men from congress by tho test of h s tive mile loop. Day by day more poles were pet and more wiro was stretched, and Annapolis junction half wav to Baltimore was just, about reached when tho whig nat onal convent on of May, 1811, opened in bdtinioro. Here, at tho suggestion of Mr. Kirk, Morse saw opportun ties beyond any that had come to hiin before. On the morning that tho convention organized he was able, by dint of work bv night as well as by day, to get connection through to Anuapolis junction from his littlo Washington machine-shop. lie had placed a bright 3'onng fellow at the An napolis junction, and with instruct ons to get information of what the conven tion had done just as soon as tho after noon Baltimore train arrivud at tho junction and telegraph it at once to Washington. Of course the capital was in a for raent; every citizen was anxious for tlio news from Baltimore; but till trains should arrive from the scone it was re cognized that nothing could bo known. TUB EARNEST OLD KKLI.OW spent that eventful aflernooti all alone, save for the companionship of John Kirk. Anxious, even to excitement, ho had fully succeeded in gett ng a satisfy ing inessago from the junction that all was right at that end of the lino and ready for tho transm ssion of the news as soon as the expected train should ar r.vo. It was an experience to leave life long mprcssions. and it isn't wonderful that Mr. Kirk still vividly re- alls that strange, remote room in" its forlorn trappings of wiro and pots and chem icals, set in its center with tho old uiAu, nervous, eager, veritably gasping, for the realization of his life's chief hope. Suddenly there camo an animated clicking. He who was most interested bout forward as If iutent on fairly con suming the strip of paper that crept out from the register. Thero was almost agony in his face, as. snail-like, the pa per halted and hesitated, spurted a little, stood still, made false starts and then spurted moro till the message completed Morse roso erect, looked proudly about him, and said as grandly as though he were distributing king doms: "Mr. Kirk, tho convention has ad journcd. Tho train for Washington has just left Annapolis junction. And tho ticket "ho hesitated, holding tin ally proof of his victory beyond all dis puting "tho ticket tho ticket is Clav and Frelinghiiysen!" "You aro quizzing us," was tho quick retort ho heard whou this was proclaimed outside. "It's easy enough for you to guess that Clay is at tho hoad of tho ticket, but for Frelinghiiysen who tho devil is Frolinghuysen P" "I only know," was the dignified an swer, "that it is telegraphy I mo so from Annapol s junction, where my operator had the nows fivo m nutos ago from the train that is bound this way bringing the delegates.'' IS TIIOSK DAYS the twenty miles from Annapolis junc tion to Washington inado up a trip of an hour and a quarter for tho expeopt ionallr fast trains, such as that which was bringing tho wh!g delegates to Washington.. Long before tho journey wai over tho nowspapors enterprising rvon in thes? days had extras on tho .streets, mi l the newsboys was crying lustily tlio chronicle that Morse had caiigiit flash ng through the twenty li'ilos of air. A groat crowd of people was at the station. The extras, with t luir oabufslio legend "By Telegraph," had whetted publ u ourio-ily to keenest edge. Out of tho jammed tra n camo tho delegates piling, each anxious to bo foremost in sending abroad to friends tho iup riting news that fortune was Willi Harry of tho West. And- how dumfouuded they were, finding in very tvpe before them the story they had believed exclusively their own. Certain they were that no railroad train had procoded their own. How but by a miracle could tho news have gained such headway? "Uy telegraph," so llits v read in tho headlines of tlio jour nals. "Uy telegraph! That pestifer ous Morso ! They hud sc.cn tlio wins si retching along the track all tho way from Annapolis junction to Wash ing; they had seen it, and they had joked about it glibly. Phew! It was hard to realize But but -but what can a man do when ho can't do any thing? Tho doubters and scoffers be came enthusiastically dumb. S. F. B. Morso had won. When ho next appeared in public tho people showered him with huzzas. He was no longer a dreamer; ho was a doer; and there were honors for him unstinted, let he bore all meekly, once in a wh.le tho calm of that strong face given way to a radiance seen there hut seldom in the later years. A ST It A NO E It, who had been soated close to tho little ompany attentive to this romiuiscenco trose as Mr. Kirk halted, offered his hand, and said: "This is a great big treat to mo, sir, and I hope you'll par don my intrustion. My name is Plumb Col. Ralph Plump they call mo out homo in Illinois, where they elect mo to congress. I just want to add one word to tho story you've told. I know somet ling of it myself. I was a dele gate from Ohio to that Clay conven- ion. I was on that first tra 11 to Wash ington. I remember the littlo shed at Annapolis Junction, where we slopped nn our way. 1 saw the man there who was ticking away on a 1 tile brass ma chine; I saw him and I talked with him. I wanted to know what, strange lh ng ho was doing, and ho said ho was telegraphing to Morse in Washington about our convention, and he pointed toward the wires overhead running in that direction, tho first wire ever put .10 for tol egraphing. In common w th all the re-r of the real wise ones of the lay, I hailed the aff.t r as a lingo joke, till, when we lauded in the Washing ton c ly slat on. Mire enough Mors ; had had the news an hour or more ahead :f us and the whole city was informed :f the fact that we had put a dark if rso on the ticket with our hero Clay. The evidence couldn't bo upset, of .oursc; tho most prejudiced of us couldn't presume to suggest that Morse's work was guessing for no man alive would have imagined that Frelinghiiysen could b. male tho nom inee for vice president. Yes. I'm down r gbt glad to have met you, Mr. Kirk; you make me feel oung again with the lain you've told. Now, can't you 001110 lown to Washington before this winter is gone? I'd mightily liko to biij' you me dinner." When tin gontleman from Illinois had sad good-night, leaving behind rather remarkable sensations, so Grange wan tho coincidence ho had poi 1 ted, Mr. Kirk told sonicth ng of experiences connected with tho early advances of telegraphy. "When I went west from Washing ton that spring." ho said. "I took along with 1110 samples of tho indent imI strip of paper as they came from tho recciv ng instrument. An enthu siast. I talked of telegraphy to every body I met In Columbus, C ucinnati, Indianapolis, and other western cen ters I met college professors business men. and other people ranked high for intellect, knowledge, and common sense, and all, or nearly all, wero pro nounced skeptics as to the practicabil ity of Morse's ideas. And I am put ting it a littlo m hi. I think, in saying that tho impression wasn't long in getting abroad that I was "a littlo off." 1 mount well, but I didn't know. Tho last I remember of somo of my friends out thero tliev were still pitying me. "I was in Indiana in the autumn af ter congress had made a thirty thou sand dollar appropriation to Morso for his experimental line. The congress man of that d. strict was up for re-elec-t on. Poor, deluded man, ho had un fortunately voted for that appropria tion. He had been for years tho pol tical pride of tho district The people out there would give him any thing he'd tako if they had tho g ving of it Of courso ho didn't doubt that he would be re-elected as if by accla mation; but before election day lie saw th ngs differently. A young man whom nobody had ever hoard much of beforo got nn opposition nomination, and went stump ng all over tho district, and beforo long tho light becamo very warm. 'I have not 0110 word to say against my opponent,' so the young man always began his speech. 'He's a gentleman; his character cannot be impeached; ho is honest, reasonable, well- nformo I, a good neighbor, ami a real 11 co man. But, gentlemen, while ho was in congress ho voted your money away upon c!ap-trap things' like this,' and the nominee, producing a congressional document, procoedod to read tho text of the bill which appropri ated the $,10,000 for Morse's experi ments. 'Thirty thousand dollars!' ho would exclaim. 'Thirty thousand of vour hard-earue I dollars, gontlemen. For what? Why, to settle listen to the bill, gontlemen, to settle tho prac tical) litr of sending messages by elec tricity over wires stretched long dis tances. What d, you think of it, gon tlemen? Yes, my opponent is a good man; lie means well; but really, has his resideneo In Washington helped him any? If he had staid hero at homo with us. would ho ever havo voted our money away for such a crazy purpose? Still, if you think it right to vote for a man who can bo fooled in this way, gentlemen, all right, but ' The old man was defeated. Mr. Kirk told this further incident, that from an irresponsible souroe would pound much like a romance: Just after the first telegraph ofllon was opened 11 Wi'8'1 ngton. occupying a littlo room over tho city postofUce. a member of the cabinet entered one da . in a Hurry and, handing in a bulkv document, directed the operator to "telegraph it over to Baltimore right away." It was closed with a groat seal, which the operator proceeded to break, much to thu astonishment of tho statesman, who. objecting, declar ed that tho paper couta nod a stale se cret, nuil of course must not be expos ed to any unofficial eve. "But I can't telegraph it .without I read it," insisted tlio operator. "Well. then, you can't send it at all;" and tho high official left, excited and threatening. Ho believed ho was be ing trilled with. His idea was that tho telegraph was a sort of aerial express for the whisking of packages through air probably by hitching ilicm on to tho wire by a good tough piece of twine. 1: A UN 1 NGS. Hero is entertainment in a transcript of the earnings of that original Wash ington telegraph office for tlio first week in April, 1815, that it was open for regular bus ncss: Aprd 1, 2 3, and 4 $ 01 April 5 l .e; April 7 IV 1 April 8 1 lij April 9 1 4 Total $:i i!Ma' And thero wero no deadhead mes sages iu those days. Now while congress M getting ready to debato propositions to establish a government telegraph system, involv ing tho expend turo of millions on mill ons, it is instructive to recall tho urgent but fut lo endeavor that Morse made to sell out his entire claims and profits for $100,000. The first corporation in tho country to extend any courtesies to the tele graph in its early day was the Balti more and Ohio Railroad company its directors voting that Prof. Morso might have right of way "for develop ment" along their tracks to Baltimore from Washington, "providing that nothing be done to interfere with the operation of the railroad." France an Orderly Nation. It is the custom of the average Amer ican commentator to pretend that Franco is a liekJo nation, governed by a number of eccentric individuals, who Haunt the roil Hag and light duels when they are out of tho parliamentary trib une. A belittling not on of a marvel ous people is thus fostered, end this is not so much at tho expense of Franco as American. When the American readies Palis ho sees the tine.-t city in I ho world. When he travels across France he bohol Is most frugal land ed proprietary that exists i.i any groat nation. It is idle lo class Mich people with the conspirators' class of an opera boulle troupe, but this is tin; concept that tho average Paris correspondent would project upon tho publ c mind. The election of .Saturday at Versail les discloses the act of a not on of many million souls who, in the mid-d of mon archies, and surrounded by standing armies, aro striving to govern them selves. F.nding tho Chief JiXocutivo either inculpated with thieves, or too complacent in the pres ence of theives, tlio French gave him the opportunity to es cape tho criminal pro-ccutioii that would have followed his refusal to re sign. The dearest gift of t lie people was then destowed on a citizen renowned for his accomplush ments as a mathe matician and constructor, and the whole election was made with far less ctlort than accompanies the fixing of the placo of holding a thud-party con vention in the United fctau s. Tho French nation oilers l ho most in teresting history; it has furnished the greatest sold or; it has offered tho most imposing oblations to liberty; it has given tho world a language; it lias bu It Paris, the model city; it has maintained the republic sixteen years, with Bis marck 011 ono side and British oppres sion and aristocracy on tho other; it deals with difficulties that have not ct como to America, and when those trou bles shall como it is to bo hoped Amer ica may bo as bravo and effective. For these reasons, and for many others, and in the name of liberty be" foro tho law, is should bo the aim of tho people of the new world to discuss tho affaiis of "Franco with intelligence andlwith deference lo tho object of our curiosity for the scant knowledge we have of all foreign peoples our interest Is curiosity, but thinly veneered with information. Tho French docrvo tho compliments of tho world on their peaceful Issue from a momorablo com plication, America could not havo done so well. Chicago ILraUU A Sound Decision. There is a story of Counselor Mc Farland, of New Jersey, in regard to an opinion given by Judge Depew. sa.s tho Albany Argus. The counselor was too much given to "looking upon wine when it is red" and to being "over como with strong drink," and iu tho latter condition ho one day addressed tho court: "Your honor, I wish to mako a motion." "Tho Court cannot hear you to-day," was the response. A minute later ho ejaculated: "Your honor, I have an important motion to make." "Sit down, Mr. McFarland," said Judge Depew, "tho court will not hear you to-day." "Your honor, 1 have been a member of tho New Jer sey bar for thirty years, and 1 would liko to know why I can't make a mo tion now." "Well, if you insist on it," said tho judge, "tho Court will in form you, you aro intoxicated." Mc Farland crammed his papers into his hat and started for the door, sayjng: "Correct. That is tho soundest decis ion you have given in a month." A Shrewd Man. 'Are you the lady of the house?" "Yes. sir." "Is the servant lady In?" "Yes." Would you request her to step to the door a minuteP Why do you want to sco her?'' "I would like lo know if she will permit your husband to sell this bouse and lot" Linen! n Journal. "RAT" ALLEN. Tho History of n lMillatlclphtn Po llcemnii. The Philadelphia news toll? tho fol lowing story, as rclutod by ex-Mayor llichard Vaux of that city. "It it" Allen was a street Arab with out a homo or homo connections. He slept in a market house or In huckster's wagons, or in any other shelter con ven eat to his haunts. Ho novcr re membered having had any other meal than his breakfast. Honker knew h fathei, a mother, nor had any relations Ho never was a child, but sprung from the earth, or dropped from tho clouds, ragged ami frowzy. Now and again lie would como by a book, and going oil" by himself into some lonely corner he would seat himself on a stone and struggle with tho print until ho master ed its contents. I had never so much as heard of him until ono day somo friends of mine who had taken an interest in "Bat" came to 111 olliuo and asked mo to appoint him to a placo on tho police force. "Who tho devil is "Hat" Allen?" 1 asked. Then they told mo how they wished to befriend the young mm whoso cour ageous spir t and desire for self-belter-ment wero well known to them. He had been iu some way brought to their notice an I they wished to enable h:m to riso from his very humble condition. They told mo candidly that ho was if r ty. ragged, unkempt, unwashed, and all that, yet they declared that under neath all his iincleanliness tho recog nize 1 a sterling character, and they fell .uro ho would do thorn credit if ont o appointed. I was surprised at their audacity in asking 1110 to mako such an appoint ment. "A pretty sort of i person to put on the police force!" I said. "Try him," they answered. "Now I111W can I appoint "flat' Al len? Just think of d. What would the people say if I wero to appoint him?" My fronds Urged, mo to give tho po r fellow a chance. "Does ho druik?" "Not a drop " "Is ho honot?" "As tlio sun, and his wont Is as good as any man's bond." 'Then br ng him up." They brought him up. and their de scription of h s dirty and unkempt con d tiou was verilij I. 1 directed that lie should b; taken away and washed. Two officers look "Hat" out and scrub bed him wilh M.t.ip and coirse towels. Not 0.1K Was his head, face and hands scrubbed but tiiey gavo him a thorough "sandpapering" from top to too- When they brought him ba-d; ho was a differ ent man. 1 thou gave him some in n ey and told him to go to a cloth ng store and lit h ins -If out With good clothes. I road in iioii 'st look ill his glowing face, and 1 knew ho would ex pond tho m jnoy as I had directed. When ho camo back to me in his good clothes I hardly knew him. A spirghtly. upright gait and carriage had take;; tlio placo of Ins old slouch ng shuill ', and ho.looked tho p cluro of a young athlete in prime cond tiou. I made him a p 1 cemau and assigned him to duty in the second d . strict I was never sorry for it. I watched him as a banker would a flow clerk of whoso character ho was in doubt I iiiqu red about him of lfn superiors, ami I even went over his le it at night. I never heard anything or saw any thing that could lead mo to think him anv thing but an upright officer. Ho gave such universal satisfaction that after three or four months' ser vice as a patrolman I promoted him to bo a sergeant. Ho was the best officer on tho fore without exception. Ho broke up a number of bad gangs, notably tho Car rol Hoso Company, and a tough gang thev were. lheir chief amusement was to go out in a body on a head smashing excursion, and they seldom went homo w.thout participating in some sort of a riot of their own ra sing. They went out ono Sunday morning as usual to get up a riot. "Hat" Allen was on tho lookout for them, and he went out too, with his squad. Clubs were trumps this morning, and the Car rol Hose Company never went out again. When they left tho battlefield, carrying their wounded w.th them, thev abandoned their hose, and "Bat" carried it off tho field as a trophy. Ho was ever loyal to duty, and, poor fel low, his loyalty cost him his life. Ono coKl night a lire broke out on Chestnut street above Third. Tho upper floors of the burning building wero occupied by a linn of jeweler3, and thero was a great deal of silvorwaro in tho place. "Bat" camo on t he scene with his squad and had the silverware removed, most of it with his own hands, and not a pennyweight was missing. IIo took It s stand in the doorway to prevent those from entering who had no busi ness in the building. Thero were plen ty in tho crowd who were only too anx ous for tho chance to plunder, and they were there in pretty good numbers, too. Several times they tried to press past him. but ho repulsed them every time. Ho maintained his position in that doorwav, while the water which had been poured upon the burning building fell upon him in streams. Whou he was relieved from duly ho was thoroughly soaked, and tho result was that he caught a cold, which set tled on his chest and eventually devel oped into consumption, from which ho died in a short time. Had To Pay To Hoar Hi Own Lecture. Theodore Tilton was about to lec ture at a well-known hall in Maino. IIo arrived at tho door unattended, and in quired for tho manager. Ho was in formed that ho was within, but could not bo disturbed as tlio lecturo was about to commence. Can I no in and speak to him he hum bly asked of tho highly Important ticket-taker. "Yes, if you havo got half a dollar." Tilton produced the coin and passed into tho hall to listen to his own leo turo. He enjoyed tho joke very much, and said it was a good lecturo and well worth the price of admittance. Fair field Journal PITH AND POINT, It is generally "all up" with a aiau when ho begins to go down hill. Lot' ton Courier. The wear and tear on contribution boxes is a very small item of church expenses. Life. Mastodons onco lived in Florida. Their place is now supplied by tho winter hotel keeper. Mucon Jvw- graiJi. Tobacco men will find no difficulty la turning over a now leat at the begin ning of tho now year. Kcio Jinvcu News. Tho dudes aro pract'eintr on tlie'ir largo canes until they get strong enough to lead a dog again. Albuny Journal. Nat tiro is full of w'so provisivu-s. Wives do their worst cooking wheu they aro young and irresistible. Oma ha World. Nature seems to havo ordered nil thiugs well. The blockhead fortunate ly never needs a frame of m ad. ijulutli I'tiutgraphcr. The people in tho audience who falk continually during tlio progress f a play should learn tho deaf an 4 dumb alphabet. IJonton (lazc't There is ono article that the averago man prefers to have bogus instead of real, when it is presented to him. That's a dynamite bomb. Tul-Uiti. Tho averago club man cares very lit tlo about music. If ho can only stnko tho key of the door with reasonable oe curacy he is content Burlington Fixe I'rcss. In Massachusetts they impose a small tax on dogs, but g vo the pro ceeds to tho public libraries, so that you can support a litter at vour option. I'hilmleip'iia Ledger. Buskin says "man should resemble a river." Wo do not know what ho means, but suppose the roaon is that in order to amount lo much 111 society ho should own a couple of banks. Lo we. H 'di.zcn. Kerly's now force, ho savs. is "vi bratory s nipathy." Now when you kiss your best girl, and she responds, there is vibratory Kvinvathy, but we never heard of its running a saw-ntill. Ac ' b n ri) it) i t lie i'( t!d. "What aro vou making such faces for?" said Mr. M . Odder to Mr. Dago. "There ain't anything tin! matter with that cigar I gave you. is there?" "No, 1 guess not, Flip," repl od Ins fr'uud. "Do I stay here, or do I go out in tho yard to d c?" I'.cL If lvl son pcrfei ts his phonograph the young men of the coin ng genera tion wou'i dare to go courting Sun lay night for fear that ono of the instru ments may be concealed in the parlor. It would bo difficult to oveicnno tho evidence of tho phonograph in a breach of promise trial. boston Ulobc. ' How aro you and your wife coining on?" nuked an Austin gentleman of a colored man. "bho I as run me off. boss." "What's the matter?" "1 ;s to blame, boss, 1 gave her a splend.d white ilk dress, and den sho got so proud she had no use for 1110. She said I was loo dark to match do dress." Texan St flings. A bright young man who lives in Hart county, recently vis ted a friend of his mother. She asked about his moth er and iuqu'red if she raised a good deal of poultry this year. Tlio young man scratched his head in perplexity and then replied: "N-n-no, ma'am. She planted a good deal, but the chick ens scratched it all up." Savttnnah Net vs. "Aro all arrangements for tho ban quet made?" "Very nearly; but we haven't selected am 111 to respond to tin; third toast yet" "Suipeworthy would bo a good man." "Snipeworlhv? Why, he can't mako a speech. Whenever ho tries it lie breaks down in tho first sentence and subsides." "Well, that is the reason why I Miggestod hU name. He's tho kind of a speaker to havo at a banquet." Nebraska Mat Journal. Robbing a Man With His Eyes Open. A jolly party was sitting around a table in a restaurant at Frankfort-on-the-Main, in Germany, talking about the numerous thefts of fall overcoats which had lately been reported from every part of the city. They all agreed that such a thing could not possibly happen to any one of them, as they had their eyes wide open. "Nevertheless." interposed a gentleman sitting at tlio next tabic, "I would, if ueed bo. under take to provo that any ono of yonr coats could bo easily abstracted from under your very noses." Tlioy wero astonished, but it was only necessary to engage a man in an interesting con versation, and while ho cont nued under the inllucnco to arise, tako his over coat, put it on, light a cigar, and leave the room with a bow. Thocnt.ro com pany kept up a continuous roar of laughter at the amus ng tale and tho still moro entertaining practical illus trat on with which tho relator accom panied his words and walked out of tho door. Ho did not como back neither d d tbo overcoat, with a pocket book with $100 in it Chicago Herald The Belled Buzzard Heard From. On last Thursday at noon the belled buzzard was seen at Boyle and Co's new mill, in District 11. The bell could bo distinctly hoard for 300 yards. 'Firs buzzard has attracted no littto atten tion in several sections of West Tennos 3ce and Georgia for somo time. The bell appears to bo as large as nn ordi nary sheep-hell and as this winged scavenger skims tho atmosphere to tho tune of tho jingling bell, ho creates no littlo excitement in the neighborhood through which he may happen to pass. A gentleman at our elbow, wh is in. every senso reliable, relates an incitlcnt which may serve to throw somo light, upon this mysterious visitor. Ten years ago a negro, nhel.ved in Gibson County, caught two rouiig bnzard and kept them for gome time as pets. One day, just for fun, he belled no of them and turned him loose. The jing ling of the bell so frightened the buz zard that ho flew away, and possibly is the samo ono that is go ne the round to-day. Obion Tenn.) Independent,