Newspaper Page Text
3Ite WixthiiK Jpailxjgaglc: jSttwifcnj SttoxnxiMj, August 9, 1891,
I TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.
WILLIAM NYE'S OPINION
tT IS NICE TO BE A CRITIC LIKE
"XJocause Toa Can Come to America and
Browse on Canvasbaclc Duck and Such
Things and Then Run Home and
Copyright, 1691, by Edpar W. Nyo.
i Last month another hollow English
taan with a dimresis over his name, hav
ing filled himself full of American hospi
tality and groceries, crossed the moaning
fiea, and after having taken the I0113,
wet trail for home, he sat down and
wrote a piece for a magazine, which it is
safe to say was in very bad taste. But
vo like fair play in America, and bo it
was read here by several people. The
ptray Englishman with dyspepsia, born
bo doubt of a former long and unavoid-
SERVANTS' MANNERS ARE PECULIAR.
fcble but involuntary abstinence from
food and the sudden hospitality of his
111 advised hosti wrote what he evi
dently deemed a scathing criticism of
Certain social aspects of American life,
Brew his pay for it and disappeared.
His name was Hamilton Aide.
He says among other things that the
"love of privac', so prominent a feature
in the English character, is unknown
lere, the privilege of exclusion so rigid
ly enforced in the walls and fences of
bur gardens, the closed doors of our
withdrawing rooms, on the first floor, is
Earely enforced here." But it is going
o be, Mr. Aide. We are going to be
more particular in the future. We are
getting acquainted with your methods,
p.nd we shall bo more careful in the years
If your nobility cannot play a fair
game of cards of an evening or over
come the pernicious co-respondent com
plaint, what may we expect of one "who
Is not nobloat all, and who visits in our
country only what is free, and who then
Imagines ho is familiar "with American
1 do not know Mr. Aide very well, but
It has been my misfortune to cross his
plague stricken trail once or twice to
gnaw at the closety cropped herbage
among the hills where yet . ll lingered
the et.no of his bray.
Judging by the sentiment expressed
by the low, coarse innkeepers along the
chicken feather trimmed orbit through
w'hich ho passed, it will be money in his
pocket if he will not come that way any
more. If ho should, there are intima
tions that a good recipe for removing
egg stains from weliring apparel will be
a great convenience to him on his steamer
Mr. AId6, whose signature shows that
be neglected to put up -his fly screens
until too late in the season, says that
manners among "servants of both sexes
( are peculiar, as indeed they are in all
1 the lower orders (if one may be allowed
! such an expression about Americans)."
Judgmg from Mr. Aide's familiarity
with American society, tlio article he
has written should have been entitled,
''Soma Aspects of Life Among Ameri
can Srvauts." Then this gentle criti
1 cism of mmo would have been unneces
sary and unwritten.
1 "Dinners," he says, "as a rule, in pri
vate houoes. aro less good and less well
Served than 1 expected to find them."
Von will notice a great falling off even
from this, Hamilton, if you will come
back here next season. There will be a
ery noticeable flavor of pounded glass
(n your pio, and every bed quilt in our
broad and beautiful land will contain a
1 little checkered sample of your loud and
Vociftrons panties pried from the un
willing 1 'w of the household dosr.
The brusque and fussy im
pulse of these days of false
impression would rate down
all as worthless because one
As if there were no motes
in sunbeams !
Or comets among stars !
Or cataracts in peaceful
Because one remedy pro
fesses to do what it never
was adapted to do, are all
remedies worthless ?
Because one doctor lets his
' jpatient die, are all humbugs ?
It requires a fine eye and
a finer brain to discriminate
to draw the differential line.
"They say" that Dr. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery and
Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescrip
tion have cured thousands.
" They say " for a weak sys
tem there's nothing better than
the " Discovery," and that the
" Favorite Prescription "' is the
liope of debilitated, feeble
women who need a restora
tive tonic and bracing nervine.
And here's the proof
Try one or both. If they
don't help you, tell the World's
Dispensary Medical Associa
tion so, and you get your
I money back again.
Thft honses given below are representative ones in their line, and thoroughly reliable. They are furnished thus for ready refer'
ence for the South generally, as well as for city and suburban buyers. Dealers and inquirers should correspond direct
with names given.
The Stewart Iron Works,
Architectural, Wrought and Cast
Iron Work lor Buildings.
Factory: South Washingtou AYenue
SWAB & GLOSSER,
And Jobbera of Woolens and Tail
jl5 y Main Street, - Wichita.
Established in 1877.
Hnse & Charlton Crockery Company,
Importers and Jobbers of
CROCKERY. GLASSWARE, LAMPS, PLATED-WARE and CUTLERI.
220 :s'orth, Maiu Street, Wichita, Kansas.
Jfail Orders Given Prompt Attention.
L. M. COX,
Manufacturing -. Confectioner
And jobber in Pips, Dales, Clears, Foreign and Domestic Nuts Cider,
Paper Bags, Paper Boxes, Candy Jars, Trays, Etc.
15 and 217 South Main St., Wichita, Kansas.
THE C. E. POTTS DRUG CO.
(Formerly Charles E. Potts & Co., Cincinnati, O.)
Goods Sold at SI. Louis and Kansas City Prices.
233 and 235 South Main Street, - - - - Wichita, Kansas.
LEWIS B. SOLOMON
W b.olesa.10 Cigars,
BOARD OF TRADE BUILDING, WICHITA, KANSAS.
Our lending brftnds of 5 cent cigars nre La Mnrca Do Jterlto. I.aFlor De SUdlej, La Pertf clo, Key
Ftoiie. Kins Coin, llaramili CIciros. Jlercliauts trDdlnc In orders ivill receive prompt attention, all
Loctlb Kuurantecd. We also tunv u lull Hue of Key est imported and Domestic Goods.
THE WICHITA OTEBALL AKD SHIET MAKUPACTUBING CO
JIANITACTURKRS AND J0BUEKS 01?
Overalls, Jeans, CasHJin ere and Cottonade Pants; Duck Lined Coats and Vestsj
Pan cy .Flannel aud Cotton Overahirts; Canton Plannel
L'ndevdhirtd, Drawers, Etc.
Factory and Salesroom l.'i'J K. Topcka, Wichita. Correspondence Solicited
"WICHITA BOOK COMPANY
W. H. II. TROUPE. Manager,
"Wholesale Booksellers and Stationers.
A complete line of School Books and Supplies at Eastern prices.
Mail Orderfa Respectfully Solicited, IIS Eabt Douglas Avenue.
"Some of the dishes are excellent,
but," he adds, as he dips his trenchant
pen in the bluing bottle at his cozy little
ball bedroom in Whitechapel street,
"the prevalent taste for inicookinga can
vasbaek duck generally renders that
ndmirable bird a forbidden fruit to me."
But that is not what renders it "a for
bidden fruit" to him at home.
The reason he does not keep his flabby
being continually upholstered with can
vasback duck at homo is probably the
same one that prompted him to have his
wine and the blacking of his boots
charged to Mrs. Stanley at San Jose,
Cal., in the spring of the present year of
our Lord and of the freedom of the
United States from the rule of Great
Britain the one hundred and fifteenth.
Mr. Aide accompanied Mrs. Stanley,
Mrs. Tennant aud Captain Jephson to
San Jose, where he registered as "Mrs.
Stanley and party." They stopped at the
Veudome, a first class, tip top hotel,
which had preserved a blameless reputa
tion up to that time. Mr. Aide, the now
Rudyard Kipling, who will doubtless
lecture here by and by, was asked to
register for the party, which he would
have done if he had ever traveled before.
He Hew into a beastly passion and re
fused to register or give names of any of
the party, insisting that it was a piece of
American impertinence on the part of
the hotel that he never saw equaled.
He finally told how many rooms they
wanted, to which he added a private
Everything was ordered sent to the
dining rooms wines, canvasback duck,
etc. In the morning tbe two gentlemen
left early. They paid their oioi bills.
The clerk too-'r their word for what was
theirs and what was not.
When Mrs. Stanley came to leave she
found of course wine she did not order,
and had to pay for blacking tho boots
of this keen critic of American manners
and cooker this able savant of British
cold victuals, this bright yonng hybrid
whose surprised and delighted third
stomach was tossed across the troubled
deep within tho year now only half
That is the reason why Mrs. Tennant
afterward spoke so bitterly of her bill at
the Vendonie. Her guest had "done her
up," as we say here in America, especially
among the lower classes, if one may
speak in that way here, and I think oue
may if one pays one's bills.
Hamilton suffered most severely in
the west. He found no congenial society
there, all tho Englishmen of his stripe
having been hanged on their arrival, or
on most anything else in fact that came
handy in a prairie country where timber
is rare and hard to get hold of.
Ho bears down especially hard on Col
orado Springs and Denver, two of the
most delightful cities in the world, for I
know, having visited Paris. London and
East Saginaw within the past two years,
paying my hotel bills and either "black
ing my own boots or gladly putting up
I call the attention of ever crowned
head in Eurooe to the fact thoz a-hil at
F. r. MARTIN,
Wholesale and Retasl
Artists Materials, Pictures, Frames,
Mouldings. Picture Glas. Easels. Screens, Etc.
First quality French Chins for decorating.
Everything in the line at Artists Materials at St.
LouU or Chicago prices. The only exclusive Art
Store lu the state. ilail Order promptly attended.
Catalogue iree. Telephone 29i
114: NORTH MARKET ST.
High Grade Baking Powders, Fruit
Extracts and Vinegars. Grinders
of Pure Spices, Tea ImPortera
127 & 129 Market St.
their tables I did not aAk what was com
ing next or what their victuals cost
them laid down. I am not regarded as
a stickler for social high church or mon
key business when I make a- formal call
on a monarch or a P. P. C. call on roy
alty, but when I cease to pay for the pol
ish that glints and glitters on my bright
young bunions, or fork over my liquor
bills for a W. C. T. U. to put up for,
may my right hand cleave to the roof of
my mouth, and an incensed people play
shinney o'er my forgotten grave.
Mr. AId6 did not like the "surprise
party" of the ranche out west. He will
like it less the next time he is invited.
Western people are informal, but their
hearts are warm. They are hospitable
to a degree that wonld naturally sur
prise and unman a real man for the mo
ment. It would not affect Mr. AId6 es
But the west hates to have an honored
guest walk on its wishbone with Mexi
can spurs. It feels hurt and resents it
1 have lived nearly all my life in the
west, and 1 say without fear of success
ful contradiction that any man I do
not refer now to Mr. Aide who has
been tho guest of the west, and who then
seeks to earn eight dollars and forty-five
cents by running down his host, is not
only a cad and a triumphant ass, but he
is unworthy in every possible way on
earth, and totally disappointing except
in the way of stimulation to a tardy to
After being a guest in the American
"parlour" he turns to and seeks to be
mire and besmirch, by satire and such
things, the furniture and decorations of
his illguided hostess, whose error was in
not showing him to the sty and letting
him look over the album.
Possibly I may be charged with speak
ing too directly on this subject, but it is
only my own opinion. I do not hold tho
paper responsible, and if Mr. Aide does
not like it he may readily reach me by
He says we pronounce vase as we do
gaze. This is not true. I have not pro
nounced it that way now for over a year.
Mr. Aide is too severe on us. He saw
our beautiful scenery whenever the rail
roads gave him passes, and he was en
tertained by those who had never seen
that kind of fauna before, and he went
home and tried to make a Rudyard Kip
ling of himself, thinking that he was a
critic when it was really colic that ailed
He did not like it because oar ladies
did not allow him to see them work.
This was in deference to him, for no one
ever saw him work. He says he pre
sumes that ladies here do secretly work,
but he missed "the pleasant litter of em
ployment." If he will come among us again at
some time in the future he will probably
notice the pleasant litter of employment,
and he will furnish the most of it himself.
Afterward a dejected Englishman may
be seen going home with his pancreas in
the morning paper.
He did not like our theaters; especially
those, 1 judge, who did not remember
him at the door, and who did nat fed
WHOLESALE BOOTS AND SHOES.
THE.G-ETTO-MCCLUNG BOOT AND SHOE CO.,
135 and 137 K Market Street, Wichita, Kansas.
Are now m receipt of lare consignments of Goods for the Spring
Trade, to which they invite the attention of merchants. Orders
by mail carefully filled. Send for price lists
THE JOHNSTON & LARIMER DRY GOODS CO.,
Dry : Goods, : Notions : and : Furnishing : Goods.
Complete Stock in all the Departments.
119, 121 & 123 N Topeka Ave. Wichita, Kansas.
Pianos and Organs
Sheet mnslo and book. Alt kinds oC innate
poods. Urass band and orchestra music KB Main
Btreer, Wichita. Kaunas.
E. VAIL & CO.,
CLOCKS AND SILYERWEAR.
106 IS Douglas Ave., - Wichita.
WICHITA EOTTLmG WOEKS,
01 TO ZI1IMERMANN. Prop.
Bottlers of Ginger Ale. Champagne
Cider, Sada Water, Standard Nerve
Food, also General "Western
Agents for 17m. J.Lemp's Extra Pale.
Cor. First aiid Waco Sts., - "Wichita.
Arkansas Valley Fence Company
Steel Wire and Picket Fence.
Dealers In Hardware, Lumber; Imple
ments or General Mdse. Write for
agency and prices. 109 "Wichita St.,
"Wichita, Kas. 78
LEHMANN-HIGGINSON GROCER CO.,
203 AIS'D 203 N. WATER STREET.
Solo Agents for the Celbrated Jersey Coffee, the best package coffee in the market.
WICHITA WHOLESALE G-KOCEKY CO.,
OFFICE AND WAREHOUSE 213 TO 223 SOUTH MARKET STREET
Keep everything: in the grocery line, sho-w cases. Scales and jrrocers fixture?.
Sole agents for the state for ''Grand Republic" cigars, also sole proprietors of
the "Royalty" and "La Innocencia" brands. d5
like giving him a box because he con-
WITH A LETTER OF IKTRODUCTIOK.
templated roasting the republic in a fu
ture piece. He says that our comedies
and comic operas are bad and our taste
vitiated. "Vigorous horseplay, comic
songs, breakdowns and a 'funny man'
satisfy the American," he says, and if
the lonesome managers of the dives who
gave the bright young snoozer passes do
not feel pleased with the above notice
they must be more careful in future re
garding whom they admit.
He then turns his little dyeing and re
pairing works on the press. "As a rule
the press," he says, "is utterly indiffer
ent to tho truth or falsehood of a state
ment," and so on. "Every small town
has its paper (price 2jd.), and there are
many who read nothing but that paper
every day. Habituating the mind thus
f) its morning mess of nastiness is a
great national misfortune."
That is true, Hamilton, but it is not
so bad as to live in a town where the no
bility do things so nasty that even the
London press dare not print them.
As Americans, Mr. Aide, we have our
faults. We know it and we are trying
to do better. When the people of your
country were of our age they had not
yet begun to walk on their hind legs
steadily at all, and most of your titled
people were squealing in th branches
of the umbrageous forest.
We know that we are still crude. One
of our greatest weaknesses consists in
being picked up and "dene up" by every
imitation man who gets a letter of intro
duction ifroin an English barber and
comes here with an appetite and a hat
box to frighten the food supply, founder
himself, write a piece and go home. We
have done that a good deal, and we
ought to know better; but we do not.
We go right on doing it, because we de
sire to encourage foreign emigration.
But it is being overdone. We need a
Therefore do not come again, Mr.
Aide, for quite awhile. Stay at home
and prepare your affairs so that yoc may
be readvjvhr.pvpr th tardvsnd over-
Children Cry for Pitcher's Castoria.
J. A. BISHOP,
Wholesale and Ret&U
Paints, Oils and Glass.
ISO 2V Market St., Wichita, Kan
102 E Boiifilaa A venue.
"Wichjtaf Kan. Telefflione Connection
BUTLER & GRALEY
Wholesale Dealer's In.
PIECED : &PKESSED
Job Work of all kinds promptly attended to,
213 South Main, Wichita, Kan.
CHICAGO DUMBER CO,
WHOtESAUt AND RETAIL
LUMBER DEALERS !
Corner First street and LawTence AYenne.
Chicago Yards. 35th and Iron streets. Chicago.
A. fcreitb, palemun. Geo. L. I'laU. urni Geo, TV.
Crois, Resident Partners.
worked fool killer of Gi:eat Britain gets
around your way.
Anything: to Suit the Crowd.
There was a fellow over on West Madi
son street the other after afternoon.
"Spelling booksl ladies and gentle
men!" he shouted, for a little crowd had
gathered. "This is a book for every one,
the book for everywhere, the book, tho
He tossed it up in the air and caught it
as it fell; went on: "The book for every
body, Eee? Encyclopedia of eighty pages
recipes for every dish that was ever
cooked all the new dishes that never
were cooked formula for tho toothache
agreeable stories for old women a
treatise for young women on tho art of
getting husbands how to cure a soft
corn without amputation how to plant
cabbages when the moon is not full
how to breed rabbits how to interpret
dreams how to tell fortunes how to
get a divorce how to reckon up the in
terest on a mortgage the book for
And after all this "spiel" no one bought
The fakir looked over tho crowd with
disgust that could not be disguised.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he remarked,
"I forgot to mention that in this incom
parable book there is a blank page for
those who cannot read!" Chicago Trib
une. Hired Man Time.
An oldish couple, who had come in by
the Erie road, were crossing on a Pa
vonia ferryboat yesterday, when the wife
asked her husband about the time of day.
It was about 2 o'clock by the nght time,
but he looked at his big silver watch and
replied that it was 3.
"But they said we'd get there about
2," she protested.
"Train might have been late."
"It wasn't quite 2 by the clock in the
"He took out his buDseye again for
another look, held it up to his ear to see
if it was going, and then suddenly ex
claimed: "Oh, pshaw! Tra an hoar ahead! Tve
had her set for the hired man to git up
by and forgot to turn 'er backf New
York Evening World.
Xo letting Go.
There was such a crowd of onlookers
to oversee tbe cable car excavaaag. ia
Broadway, near Fdton street, the other
day that a policeman seized a 3occg man
b- tbe arm and said:
"Here, you go on about yoar basinsisP
"My bizn&ssJ My bizntr exclaimed
the man. "1 guess yoc don't know xae."
"Are you ocs of tlie workmen?"
"No, sxr; but I've been hanging around
here every day for the last foor weeks to
see bow tits thing was dooe, aad I don't
propose to Jet go now. not if I know my
self I New York Evening World.
He Bought Slow Drying: YaraUh for His
It is perfectly right and proper to
gratify every reasonable wish of one's
wife, and that ia the reason I got into a
peck or two of trouble a short time since.
When my wife arose from the break
fost table recently she turned to me with
"My dear, can't you send down a cup
of varnish and a brush from the store
"Nothing easier," I replied; "but what
on earth do you want with varnish?"
"I want to varnish nay sewing ma
chine; it is looking awful rusty."
I did not know there were two kinds
of varnish a quick drying and a slow
drying so 1 simply ordered varnish
and a brush. They would be eent imme
diately. I went on to the office.
I took dinner at a down town restau
rant, and the varnish and brush had not
entered my mind during the whole day.
Just as I entered the gate in the even
ing I thought of them.
It was "good dark," but the hall lamp
had not been lighted.
And I think that was a part of the plot.
I opened the door hurriedly and started
in a brisk walk down the hall.
I had hardly taken, a step when 1
rammed my knee against a chair. An
other step another chairl Both shins
ekinned and in the dark! I took another
step and my foot landed squarely upon
the baby's little rocker, which proceeded
to turn bottom upward, causing me to
lose my equilibrium, and I went sprawl
ing to the floor, striking two or three
more chairs in the meantime.
It made a terrible racket, and my wife
"What's the matter, dear?"
"Oh, nothing. Just swinging corners
out here with chairs and things," I an
swered as calmly as possible.
I scrambled to my feet and started
again, when I struck that blasted ma
chine, varnish and all, which landed mo
this time smack into the baby carriage,
breaking the springs and very nearly
breaking my neck.
"Did you hurt yourself, dear?" came
that voice again, hich had the effect of
making mo feel like choking tho life out
of something or somebody.
"Did I hurt myself, you ask? Oh, no,
not much," said 1, "only broke a leg and
arm and punched one eye out that's
"Why don't you come in?" she in
quired in a tone of voice that was re
markable for its calmness under the cir
cumstances. "Come in?" I screamed, "how in the
name of sweet Solomon can I? Haven't
I been trying for the last ten minutes to
come in, and don't I run a treat risk of
losing my life every time I try it? Why
in the name of all the saints didn't yon
tell me this morning you wero going to
movo out into the hall, so I could havo
governed myself accordingly?"
Then she came to tho door with a
lamp, and I succeeded in getting myself
untangled from that baby carriage,
which presented the appearance of hav
ing been kicked by a Georgia mule.
I stepped into my room with a weary,
bruised feeling, and laid my hand on the
back of a big rocker.
"Don't touch that it is varnished!"
"So I discover," said I, as I pulled my
fingers from it.
I went over to another chair, and was
preparing to sit down.
"Don't sit there it is varnishedP
I made a dive for another chair, and
was stopped varnished!
The clock was ticking very lazily, and
I knew it wanted winding. When I en
deavored to take my hands from it, it
came with them. My fingers had again
stuck in varnish!
I was becoming desperate.
My next move was to try a trunk I
dared not risk any more chairs. I took
a seat before sho could interfere, this
time, and mined a new pair of breeche.1
by the operation the trunk was var
nished! This was too much.
"Now, then," said I, after pulling my
self looso from the trunk, "will you
please tell me, while I 6tand right stiy,
where and what you havo varnished?
I would like to move intelligently after
this. I see the baby has escaped, which
is explained, I suppose, from tho fact
that your stock of varnish was exhausted
before it came her turn."
She looked at mo a moment with a
pitiful smile, which smacked Bomewhat
of contempt, and replied:
"Don't talk foolioh now. Go and sit
on tho front stoop, everything will bo
dry by tomorrow morning."
"Sit on the front stoop, indeed! Havo
you, then in reality, smeared that stuff
"Don't my machine look better?" she
said, ignoring my question, and point
ing with a satisfied air at the machine,
which, by the way, was minus a leaf
jerked off in my last undignified fall into
the baby carnage.
"Machine? Hang the machinel You
did not stop with that; you've varnished
everything in the house, including the
house cat and window curtains! I ex
claimed, with more vehemence than dig
nity. At this outburst from me she langhed
with a heartiness that was quite un
usual with her, and replied:
"Well, everything needed it. I wan. j
you to send me another cup tomorrow
for the dining tab'! and s&fe.
"You do?" Well, I won'tl I wouldn't
trust yon with another ounce of varnifh
in this house for fJ.OOO.OOOl Do you un
derstand tho amount $-1,000,000! Now,
that's a fact; I wouldn'jr
It turned oat that I had purchased the
slow drying kind, of course, and for the
next month my fingers stock to every
thing I touched, and come of tbe articles
that fell a prey to tbe brush of that ama
teur artist are not thoroughly dry yet
three months afterward. J. M. Barron
in Atlanta Constitution.
Beth In Die Croe IVat.
OidClotbea Man Kve yo any old
clothes that you wast so get rid of ?
Travers No. Have yoe? Clothier
Tbe Aexne of Greatneo.
Johnny Lot's pfay war. Ill be th '
Duke of WeUimjtoa ad yea can fce Na j
Wtttte Thai writ rat. B-xupart
wm a good deal bttgr geoeial Uun tb
Duk of Wellington.
Johnny He got hcked &B Um am.
Wilho -That's ese he bad bad lock. ,
He coukl dows a.nj of ts wboo it com
to Vita a gantir&L Ho was a rsgwlar j
Anson that's what ho vraa? Chicago
Use S. S. &., when you need a tonlo.
JLf you do not, you should. It is the saf-
es t an d
For Old People.
My mother who la a very old
lady, was physically broken
down. Tba use cX Swilt'a
Specific (S. S. S. ) has entirely
restored her health.
K. B. DirtroRxn,
GrecaTille, S. C
son of any
en safely by the most delicate child,
tret it cures all blood troubles, from
tin ordinary face pimplo to tho worst
form of contagious Blood Taint
. BOOKS 01 BLOOO 4fD SKIft DISUSES flfE.
'The Swift Specific Co., Atlanta, Ga.
Chapleigh You blamed idiot! If you
had to shoot that bird on the ground,
why didn't yon shoot his head off? Look
at him just torn to pieces.
Hicks That bird's all right just
ready for fricassee. Harper's Weekly.
How He Did It.
"Darling," he murmured, "do yon re
member the night I loft you six yoars
ago, vowing that I woull not look you
in the face again until I counted myself
worthy? Tonight, my queen, I am a
rich man. Tell mo again that yon d
indeed lo.' icV
"I do," sho answered, as sho lay book
in his Btrong arms. "But tell mo, duar,
how you made your fortune."
"That is easily done," horoplied gay
ly. "After I left tho house that night I
hastily entered a cab, but had not driven
a block when tho driver fell off tho box
in an apoplectic fit."
"And then?" she questioned anxiously.
"And then," ho 'went on, an exultant
ring in his voice, "I took his place."
A Fiery Difference.
Mrs. Sanctus I am astonished to
learn that so many of tho congregation
wero wearied by Mr. Overzoor dis
course last evening. I thought ho was
fired with his subject.
Mr. Gruffly Indeed. Well, I thought
ho onght to have been. Boston Courier.
Tho Delicate Dude Did you bet at tho
waces, deah boj?
The Devilish Dude Of kawso I did. I
bet Nellie Neseelrodo n pair of glovoB
that sho couldn't namo tho winnah oat
of a bunch of elevon 2-your-olds; and, by
Jove! do you know, I won? Life,
Wool Why do they cull thoso cigars
Henry Clay, I wonder?
Van Pelt Couldn't Fay, unless it i be
cause Henry Clay is dead. Lake Shorn
Ho Wi nnl H Wurni't.
When Jonah created that stir on the hip.
And his comrades concluded they'd Antaktho
Without him, and care bus, an 'twere, straight
Which theyUd In a TeryhrJf mlanto.
And down in tho paunch of tho whale ho iru
Bo sadden ho cracked all tho rib when ho
This speech from his labial portals outcropped,
"I'm in itl Exceedingly ia iC
Bat whon.with his tonementtorely diiplrAAcd,
II o tore and he whooped awl ho yawped awl ho
Till he made the cetacean feel so dleel
He cenld no longer tnjor it and grin it.
Tho flsh made a apart for the aLero UMTabat,
And he rerved on his tenant a writ ftf net mU
And landing him tberetlid trinmpkaatlyskeut,
"Eh, Jonahi old boy! you're net In Itf"
A professor of Yale has confoMed to a
superstition. It consists of putting o"
and taking off hx clothes in a rcyiiU;
way. The right shoe, the right lag of
bis trousers, tho right sleevo to hirt or
coat, are always put on first, becauM of
a foolish idea that oinhow or othor
mishaps wonld follow favoring "th tft
shoes, sleeTes and ! in finch a way.
EW ENGLAND CONSERVATORY
OF MUSIC, jr. m,K.v";roi?itaKi:.
(Alt I. FAELTIIS IMreetor.
IWQTDMPTinU 1'iAyo. oitnAX
IRol riVbl IUN vmti nor.!, -t.
fylitmi'. i' trim irj t- t and prtntt liWMi.
Totioii. Ji& to in ior -j ' ua. iirrr4
Clafc-, Jrtnr, Itrc.lt;!, etc. IlJooa
tioo, Oratory and Drauiatle Action, rl
Art, Literature. IyB(rC Il t
Organ Tnnlnc COMKOItTAKIB IIOMU
for Lady btndenu. CleMr Fr
FallTorm bORlnsSopt. lO, 1891.
KlANK "W. HALK, Onral Manager,
Franklin Bquarti Boston, Msa.
i..:r CALTMOS trv. 1
rf OH ZKMJkarffM KaMm.
Ui- VON MOHt- CO..
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THE OLD DOCTOR'S
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ftr. WA2D fc CO., U7.3. Oth St.. St. li.
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