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URDAY PRESS SUPPLEMENT.
.Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands: Saturday, March. 15, 18S4.
,snni.i:in' i.v Tim ui.Osiir.
, 7 ( I, ,1,1 Till-,
I wis In llic cfvll service it Richmond.
Why I wn there fir wlni I tiki Is nolwdyV
affilr. And I ifo twit in thin paper pmvmc in
tell how !l liippcnrd (hat I wan In Nrw Vork
In Octnher, loo), on ronfidrnthl tmslmw
Knoitglj (li.it I win there, ami ihit It wn
liorictt htineM. 'I Jul Imsfneim clone, nil fur
ns it could lie with lire reminrrra entrusted tit
tin , I pr-inreri to return limn. Ami thereto
hangs llii (Air, and, im it proved, thi Title of
I r, of course, i wanted to take presents
home Hi my family, Vey Utile rpHMfori wait
there what these pre'ni should lie fur I
hid no lmy nor brothers. 'I he women of I lie
( onfederacj twd rm vvnnt, whldi overtopped
all others. They could nnkc coffee out of
lieansj pin llicy hid from Cnlnmlmii ; straw
hal they hrnlilcil iiiite well with llicir own
fair hands i snuff we could get lirtli-r limn )toi
ioiiM in "the old concern." lint wr bad no
hoop-skirl- skeletons, wc used to cnll them.
No fncniiity hid unde lliem. No liotintlca
hid forced them. The Hit, the (ireyhnnnd,
the Dcir, the flora, the J. C. Colih, the
Varuna, and the Forc-and-Aft all look in
cargoes of them for u in Kngland. lint the
lilt and the Deer and the l'lora were sclred by
block.idr.rs, the J, C. Colih sunk at sen, the
Forc-and-Afl ami llie Greyhound were net fire
to by thrir own crews, and the Varunn was
nevtr hand of. Then the Stale of Arkansas
oflVrfd sixteen townships of swamp lind to
the first inanuficliircr who would exhibit five
gross o a home-manufactured article, llul no
one ever competed. The first ittcnipts, in
deed, were put nn end to wken Schoficld
crossed the Illuc I.ick and dcslrojcd the dam
on Yellow lirancli. The consequence was
tint people' crinoline collapsed foster than
the- Confederacy did, of which that brute cr a
Ciricrson said there was never anything of it
hut the outride.
Of comic, then, I put in the liottom of my
new large trunk in New Vork, not i "dup'c-r
elliptic," for none were then made, hut a
" Bclmontc," of thirty springs, for my wife.
I bought, for iier more common wear, a good
"licllc-l'ontalnc." Tor Sarah and Susie
each, I got two "Oumb.llcllcs." lor Aunt
Fuuicc and Aunt Clara, maiden sisters of my
wife, who lived with us after Winchester fell
the fourth time, I got the ''.Scotch IfarcMI,
two of each. I'or my own mother I got one
"Utile of the Prairies" and one " Invisible
Combination C.ovsainer." 1 did not forget
both I old Mamma Chloe and Mamma Jane.
I'or tiiem I got substantial cages, without
names. Willi these, tied in the shiic of
figure eights in the liottom of m) trunk, as I
said, I put in nn assorted cargo of dry goods
above, and, favored by a paw, and Major
Mulford s courtesy on the llag-of truce boat, I
armed safely at Richmond before the autumn
I was received at home with rapture. Hut
when, the next morning, I opened my stores:,
this became rapture doubly enraptured.
Words on not tell the silent delight with
which old and Jou'ng, black ami white,
surveyed these fairy-like structures, jet un
broken and unmended.
l'crennial summer reigned that autumn day
in that reunited family. It reigned the next
day, and the next. It would have reigned till
now if the " Belmonfes" and the other things
would last as long as the advertisements de
clare ; and what is more, the Confederacy
would have reigned till now, President Davis
and General Lte! but for that great misery,
which all families understand, which cul
minated in our great misfortune.
I was up in the ceilar closet one day, looking
for an old parade cap of mine, which I thought,
though it was my thin! best, might look lietler
than my second best, which I had worn ever
since my best was lost at the Seven l'incs. I
say 1 was standing on the lower shelf of the
cedar closet, when, as I stepped along In the
darkness, my right foot caught in a bit of wire,
my left did not give way in time, and I fell,
with a small wooden hat-box in my hand, full
on the floor. The croner of the hat-box: struck
me just below the second frontal sinus and I
When I came to myself I was in the blue
chamber j I had vinegar ou a brown paper on
my forehead; the room was dark, and I found
mother sitting by me, glad enough indeed to
hear my voice, and to know- that I knew her.
It was some times before I fully understood
what had lupicncd. Then she brought me a
cup of tea, and I, imitc refreshed, said I must
go to my office.
"Office, my child 1" saiit she. "Your leg
is broken above the ankle; you will not move
these six weeks. Where do ) ou suppose j on
Till then I hail no notion tint it was Ivc
minutes since I went into the cloet. When
she told me the time five in the afternoon
! groaned in the lowest depths. Tor In my
breast pocket in that innocent coat w hich I could
now see Ijing on the window-seat, were the
duplicate dispatches, to Mr. Mason for which
Isle the night liefore, I hid got the secretary'
signature. They were to go at ten that morn
ing to Wilmington, by the navy ilopirmenl'i.
spcchl messenger. I hid taken them tn in
sure care and certainty. I had worked unlhcni
till midnight, and the) lud not liecn signed
till near one o'clock. Heavens and caith, and
here it was five, o'clock I The nun must lie
hllf-vvay to Wilmington by this time. I sent
the doctor for I.ifarge, my clerk. Lafargc, did
his prettiest in lushing to the telegraph. lul
did that dispatch ever leach Wilmington ?
No I A freshet en the Chowan Uivcr, or a raid
by hosier, or something, or nothing, hid
smashcdthclclcgraph wire for tliat night, And
the nny agent was In the oiling in the Sea
"But pci hap the duplicate got through'?'
No, breathless icadtr, the duplicate did not gel
through. The duplicate was taken by Fiucont
in the Inn. I uw it last week in Dr. Utkr'.s
hands, iu Washington, Will, all I know is,
that if the duplicate lud got ihiough, the Con
federate Gomnment would luivc lad in March
a cluncc at eighty-three thousand two hundred
itud eleven muskets, which, as it was never hit
Belgium. So much for my Heading into Out
blessed piece of wire on the shelf of the cedar
closet, up stairs.
"What was the bit of wire?"
Well, it was not telegraph wire, II it lud
lieen, it would have brokin when it was want
ic to. Don't you. know what it was? Go up
in your own cedar closets, and Hep about, iu
the dark, and see what brings up round jour
ankles. JulU, poor child, cried her eyes out
about it, When I got well enough lo gel up
and as soon as I could talk and iv'an with hsr,
she bioughld.mii seven of these old things
antiquated vUtluuMit4, Simplex Klliptics, and
honors without a name ami she uuuc a pili;
tti them in the bedroom, am! asked me, )'u the
irftfti pWiltCTt way, nal sly liild do with
" Vmi ran'l burn theni," mfil she " fire
won't touch ihem. Ifywi Imry them In the
garder, thy come up at thf second raking. If
you give them tn th utrvanta, they my
Tlmnk-e, rrrlstm,' and throw them In the
)ek rMMge. If yto ffr trrtiri fo (he poor,
they throw them into the street in front, and
do Hot My ' Thanfc-e.' Sjrih srnl seventeen
over to the sword factory, and the foreman
swore at the boy, am) toW Iiim he would flog
him within an inch of his life if he kronght any
more of his sniiee there j ami m and so,"
sobbed the poor child, " I just rolled up these
wretched Ihlngi, arid laid them in the cedar
ehsset, hoping, you know, that some day the
government would want something, and would
wlvtrtiae for lliem. Vmi know what o good
thing I mode (Hit of I lie bottle corks "
In fact, she had sold our boltle corks for
four thousand Iwo tmndrnl find sixteen dulls rs
of the first Issue. Wc afterward bought two
umbrellas and n corkscrew with the money.
Well, I dkl not scold Julia. It was cer
tainly no fault ol hers thtt I was walking on
lITe lower shelf of her cedar closet. I told her
to make a mtct of the things, and the first
tinie we went to drive" 1 hove the whole shape
lean heap into the river, without saving mass
Hut let nn man think, or no woman, that
tills was the end of troubles. As I look liack
on thai winter, and on the spring of 1S65, it
seems to me only the beginning. I got out
on crutches at last ; I had the office transferred
to my house, to that I.ifarge and Hepburn
could work there nights, and communicate
with me when 1 could not go out ; but morn
ings I hobbled up to the depaitment, and sat
with the chief, and took his orders. Ah 111c 1
shall I soon forget that dunp winter morning,
when we all liad such hope at the office ? One
or two of the army fellows looked in at the
window as they ran bv, and wc knew tint they
felt well ; and though f would not ask Old
Wick as wc had nick-named the chief what
was in the wind, I knew llie time had come,
and that the lion meant to break the net this
lime. I made an excuse to go home earlier
than usual; tode down lo the house in the
mijor's ambulance, I remember ; and hopped
in, to surprise Julia with the good news, only
to find lliat the whole house was in lhat quiet
uproar which shows that something bad has
happened of a sudden
"What is it, Chloe ?" -said I, as the old
wench rushed by ntc with n bucket of water.
" Poor Mr. George, I 'fraid lie's dead,
And there he really was dear, handsome,
bright George Schaff the delight of all the
nicest girls of Richmond ; he lay there on
Aunt Knnicc's bed on the ground door, where
they had brought him in. Ife was not dead
and he did not die. He is making cotton in
Texas now, Hut he looked mighty near it
then. The deep cut in hi; head was the worst
I had ever seen, and the blow confused every
thing. When McGregor got round, lie said
it was not hopeless; but we were all turned
out of the room, and, viith one thing and
another, ha got the Iioy out of the swoon, and
somehow it proved his head was not broken,
ino, liut poor (jeorge swears to this day it
was better it liad been, if it could only have
been broken the right way, and on the right
field. I' or lhat evening we heard that every
thing had gone wrong in the surprise. There
we bad been waiting for one of those early
fogs, and at last the fog had come. And Jubal
Early hid, that morning, pushed out every
man he had, that could stand; and they lay
hid for three mortal hours, within I don't
know how near the picket line at Fort Pow
hatan, only waiting for the shot which John
Streight's-party were to fire at Wilson's Wharf,
as soon as somebody on our left center ad
vanced in force, on the eneinv's line above
Turkey Island stretching across to Nansemond.
I nm not in the war department, and I forget
whether he was lo advance tn larbttle or by
hthn of infantry. Hut he was to advance
somehow; and he knew how, and when
he advanced, von sec, that other man
lower down was to rush in, and as soon
as Uarly heard him he was to sur
prise Powhatan, jou see; and then,
if jou hive understood me. Grant and lluthr
and the whole rig of them would have been
cutofffiom their supplies, would -have had to
fight a battle for which they w ere not prepared,
with their right made irto a new left, and
their old left unexpectedly advanced at an
oblique angle from their center ; and would
not that have been the end of them?
Well, that never happened. And the reason
St never happened was, that poor George
Schaff, with the last fatal order for this man
whoe name 1 forget I the same who was after
ward killed the daj before High Bridge), un
dertook to save lime by cutting across behind
my house, from I'ranUin to Green Streets.
You know how much time he saved they
waited all day for thu order. George told me
afterward that the last thing he remembered
was kissing his hand to Julia, who sat at her
bedroom window. He s-iiil he thought she
might be the last woman he ever saw this side
of heaven. Just after that, it miuit have been,
his horse thai white Messenger colt old Wil
liams bred went over like a log, and poor
George was pitched fifteen feet, head-foremost
against .1 stake there Was in tliat lot. Julia sm
the whole. She rushed out with all the wo
men, and had just brought him in when I got
home. And that was the reason that the great
promised combination of December, 1S64,
never came oil at all,
1 walked out In the lot, after McGregor
tuined me out of the clumber, to see what
they hid done with the horse, There he lay,
as dead as old Messenger hluuilf. His neck
was broken. And do jou think, 1 looked to
see what lud tripied him. I supposed it was
one of the wp! bandy holes. It was no such
thing. The jsoor wretch Im! tangled his hind
legs iu one of thoMj infernal hoop-wires lhat
Chloe had thrown out In the piece when I gave
her new ones. Though I slid not know it then,
those fatal scraps of rusty steel had broken the
neck lhat day of Kotiert Lee's atmy.
Tliat time ! made a row alwut it. I felt too
Imlly to go Into a passign. But k'fore the wo
men went to bed they were all in the sitting
roov together I talked (o them like a falhtr,
I did not swear, I liad got over that for a
while, in lhat sJx weeks on m)- Uitk. But I
did say the old wires were infernal luinits, and
that the hoese and pieinises must Ih made rid
of (hem. The aunlj laughed- though I was
so serious -ami tlp(icd a, wml to the gills,
The giils wauled to laugh, lmt were afraid to.
And then it came out that the aunts had sold
all their old hoops, (led as tighi'as they 'coukl
tie them, in a great mass of lags. The- had
nude a fortune by the sale I am sorry to sav
it was in olhsr rJgs, but the nags t(iy got wcie
new instead of old-it was .1 real Aladdin
luijjalii. The new isgs had blue lucks and
weieuumUied, someaskih iift dollar,.
The rsg-tnnn had been in a hurry, and had not
known what made the things so heavy. I
frowned at the dwindle, but they said all was
fair with a peddler- and I own I was glad Ihe
things were well out of Richmond. But when
I said I thought it was a mran trick, Lie and
Sarah looked demure, and asked whit in the
world I would have them do with Ihe old
things. Did I expect thern lo walk down
lo the bridge themselves with grr-at parcels lo
throw fnlo the river, as I had done by Julia's
Of cmirse.it ended, ns such ihlngs always do,
by my taking the work on my own shoulders.
I told them to tic up all they had in as small
a parcel as they could, ond bring them to nic.
Accordingly, the next day, I found a hand
some brown paper parcel not so large, con
sidering 1 and strangely square, considering
which Ihe minxes had mt together and left on
my office tabic. They liad a great frolic over
It. 'I hey had not spared red tape nor red
wax. Very ofiiciil it looked, indeed, and on
the left-hand corner, In Sarah's Ixddesl ami
most contorted hand, was written, "Secret
service." Wc had a great laugh over their
success. And, indeed, I should have taken
it wilh me the next time I went down to the
Tredegar, but tint I happened to dine one
evening with oung Norton, of our gallant
little navy, and a very curiour thing he told us.
We were talking nbout the disappointment
of the combined land attack. I did not tell
what upset poor SchafTs horse ; Indeed, I do
not think those navy men knew the details of
th: disappointment. O'Brien had told me, in
confidence, what I have written down pro
bably for ihe first lime now. Hut wc were
speaking, in a general way, of the ihsapjioint
ment. Norton finished his cigar rather
thoughtfully, and then said : " Well, fellows,
it Is not worth while lo put it in the news
papers, but what do you suppose upset our
grand naval attack the clay Ihe Yankee gun
baits skittled down the river so handsomely?"
" Why," said Allen, who is Norton's best
beloved friend, "they say that sou ran away
from Ihcm as fast as they did from you."
" Do they?" said Norton, grimly. " If jou
say that I'll break your head for jou.
Seriously, men," continued he, "that was a
most extraordinary thing. You know I was
on the ram. But why she stopped when she'
stopped I knew xs little as this wineglass
docs ; and Callender himself knew no more
than I. Wchad not been hit. We were all
right as a trivel for all wc knew; when,
Skrce I she began blowing off steam, and we
stopped dead, and began to drift down under
those batteries. Callender had to telegraph
tn the little Mosquito, or whatever Walter
called his boat, and the spunky little thing ran
down and got us out of the scrape. Walter
did it right well ; if he had had a monitor
under him he could not have done lietler. Of
course we all rushed to the engine-room.
What in thunder were they at there? All the)
knew was they could get no water into her
" Now, fellows, this is the end of the story.
As soon as thclmilcrs cooled off they worked
all right on those supply pumps. May I be
hanged if they had not sucked in, somehow, a
lung string of yarn inJ-cUih, nn.l, if you uill
Dcuevc me, a wire 01 some woman s crinoline.
And lhat French folly of a sham empress cut
short that day the victory of the Confederate
navy, and old Davis himself can't tell when
we shall have such a chance again I" EJivarJ
somk noon siiout snntms
THE STORY OP A LOST FORTUNK
I have alnaj-s had a lingering feeling of re
sentment toward my father because he was not
a millionaire, and did not leave me the inherit
ance of a great estate. This feeling was in
tensified by the knowledge of a custom preva
lent in his neighborhood and in his time that
would have enabled him to have become the
largest vvoolgrower of this or any other land.
feel stronger upon this subject because the op
portunity was oflered to him and he wantonly.
perhaps I should say thoughtlessly, threw it
away; and because it would have cost him
neither time, thought, care, nor labour, to have
produced the magnificent result which I willset
out in this paper. My father was born in centra!
New York in the year 1787; he is still living,
a hale, hearty man, at the age of ninety-two.
The custom to which I refer prevailed al the
time of his birth, and he received the benefit
of it. When he came into the world his father
presented him with a sheep, and by the custom
among the farmers of the neighbourhood, any
of them were glad of the opportunity of taking
sneep 10 double once in lour years. It was
understood that the quality of wool and the
character of the animal was to lie preserves!
and not. allowed to deteriorate. The farmer
guarcnteetl against all loss, accident, or
causaltj-. To illustrate: One fine-wooled
Merino sheep entitled the owner to luve
returned to him in four years two mer
chantable, fine-wooled Merinos, of proper age,
goo! health, and equal in all respects to the
sheep originally received. Four sheep in
eight years, eight sheep In twelve jcars, and so
n in geometrical progression. My grand
father having then just emigrated from Connec
ticut to Oneida County in New Yorkthe
Valley of the Mohawk then being the far
West gave to my father upon his birth-day
for his birth-day present a Merino finc-woolcd
sheep. This sheep was taken by Judge Rod
erlck Morrison, a well to-do farmer of the
county, upon the terms lo double once in four
years. At the age of twenty my father had
thirty-two fine Merinos, and there theaccumu
lation ended I am familiar with the Bibts
niralive of Jacob and Lalun; how Jacob was
fooled by Ihe old man, and had the elder
daughter plajed upon him; how patiently he
toiled another seven j ears for the girl he loved,
and how he plajed the old gentleman with the
ling-streaked am! speckled business, but
never knew exactly how Judge Morrison got
my father's sheep"; tlian i., I never knew the
paiticlars in detail, I only knew that the
cunning ol.l hcotcn gentleman tint gel my
father' thirty-two sheep, and gave him hi ex
hange for them his daughter, Clurlollc, aged six
teen, and a silver lupine watch with cylinder cs
capement and combircd Icier movement, run
nlng on jewels. You can see the ruby now un
dcr one of the pivots, for the w atch is still in Ihe
family, a much-piired relic of the olJcn lime.
I luve never itgarded my mother as a pa;t of
the transaction, nor looked upon her as a part
consideration for the sheep. I have looked
upon the wooing and the marriage of my par
nU as one of the natural incidents of the i-
tion, and luve believed thai they would have
marries!, and that I would have beeu born,
altogether Independent oflhc sheep transaction.
Perhaps if my lather had not married, and had
not made a Wedding excuisiiui tu Utica, he
night not have needed a Ltpine watch wjih
a C) lindcr rsapeuient, tunning ou lubies, and
might not luve In-tn Induced to uit wilh the
sheep, I luveaU jj-s uuknj upon (he trading
of the sheep for the watch, as an independent
transaction standing tqion its own merits, and
have binned my inHcrml grandfather for having
taken an undue advantage of my father at a
iwriod when he was susceptible to Influuices
other thin metcenary I Invc blamed mjr father
this time he was not more upon his guard, and
thnt he had not the prudence lo belter
protect the Investment mule for him by his
father, In view of the possibilities tint in lime
he might himself Iwcomc a falher, and have a
child, tn whom a large and multiplying herd
of fine Merino sheep would be n very desirable
inheritance. I hive carried on the cilculilion
and figured the Hock of finc-woolcd Merinos
that would now he awaiting me if my father
had not changed his flock for the silver watch
which ii now so (invaluable and uninteresting.
and indeed a inlnful heirloom In our family.
At twenty-four years of ge tny father would
have Ind slxlj'-fonr sheep) at Iwcnly-elghl
jenrs, one hundred and Iwcnty-cight. The
follow iug table shows the extent of the woolly
inheritance I would now enjoy had my father
lieen content lo have forgone the luxury of a
... 270, 144
I have mjself arrived at the age when I can
appreciate wool and know the value of sheep.
I am now fifty-one, very nearly fifty-two, years
old. I.et us carry on the compulation lo the
age of ninety-two, to which there is, of course,
every reasonable presumption lhat I shall attain,
and it will lie oliservcd that, not disturbing my
father's investment, and presuming that my
cousins, the Morrisons, would still find it to
llicir advantage to allow our sheep to remain
upon their estates, wc shall sec that our herds
will, when I shall have attained my father's age,
have increased largely. I continue the tabic,
starting with my present age, fifty-two years,
and, with S, 64 1, 608 Merino fine-wooled sheep,
it makes the following showing when I shall
have reached ninety j-cars of age. Infour jcars
from now I would have seventeen millions two
hundred and eighty-eight thousand two hundred
and sixteen sheep:
Now I respectfully submit that it demands
from me a degree ol filial regard to overlook
this most serious mistake of rny parent; and if,
in view of Jhe crosses heja? been compelle(Lt
bear through a long life from theTact of being
my father, I might be disposed to not treasure
against hunapersonalresentment, I am certainly
authorized to contemplate the transaction of my
grandparent, in selling us a silver Lepine watch,
with cylinder escapement running on jewels, for
eight thousand two hundred and eleven mi-
lions five hundred and sixty-six thousand five
hundred and ninety-two fine-wooled and me
rchantable Merino sheep, as a veryquestionable
transaction. Although blood is thicker than
water. I do not lorget this over-sharp tran
saction of my Scoth ancestor, and if I should
ever luve a child, and he should lie a boj-, I
shall name him Lilian, after my maternal grand
father. Frank M. 1'ixley, 1S79.
THE ROBnP.R WHO ROIIBEU HIMSELF.
The Bishop of Cashed, having occasion lo
visit Dublin accompanied by his wife and
daughter, determined to perform the journey
by easy stages, in his own carriage.
One part of his route was through a wild
and mountainous district ; and the bishop
made a point of quilting his carriage at the
foot of ever j- hill and walking to the top. On
one of these occasions he had loitered to look
at the scenery, and in so doing suffered his
family and servants to be considerably in ad
vance; perceiving this, he hastened to make
up for lost time, when a fellow leaped from
behind some loose stones, and accompanying
the flourish of a huge club with a demonbe
jell, demanded "Money I"
The bishop gave the robber all the silver he
had loose in his pocket, hoping that it would
satisfy him ; but he was mistaken.
"And is it with the likes of this I'm after
letting you off? a few paltry tinjiennies t
Arrah, don't stand shivering and shaking
there, but pull out jour purse Immediately, or
I'll bate jou as blue as a whetstone."
His lordship most reluctantly yielded his
well filled purse, sajing in tremulous accents :
" My good fellow, there it is ; don't ill-use
nie ; I've forgiven jou all, pray let me depart."
' Fair and softly, if you plase ) as sure as
I'm net a good fellow, I haven't done with
jou jet. I must sarch for jour note-case, for
I'll engage you have a few bits of paper paj--alilc
at the lunk; so hand it over, or joull
tup sorrow to-night."
It was given up. The bishop made an in
stinctive movement as though anxious to
escape from further pillage.
"Wait a while, or may l I shall get angry
with jou; hand over your watch and seals,
and then you may trudge."
Now t hapiKncd that the divine felt a paiti.
cular regard for his watch not so much from
Its lieing of considerable value, but because it
had been presented to him by his first nation
and he ventured to expostulate.
" Surely jou hive taken enough ; leave me
my watch, and I'll forgive all jou have done,"
" Who ax'd your forgiveness, jou old var
mint? Don't foice me to do anj thing I'd lie
soijy for but without any more bother, just
give me the watch, or "
And he jerked the bludgeon from his right
liand to his left, spat in Ihe horny iahn of ihe
lanner, and icgrasicd ihj formidable weapon,
as though seriously bent on bringing it Into
operation; this action was not unheeded by his
victim ha drew forth the golden timc-piece,
and, wilh a heavy sigh, handed it to the
spoiler, who, rolling the chain and seals round
il, found some wider aperture in his apparel
into which he crammed II ; ond giving himself
a shake 10 ascertain lhat It had found, by its
own gravity, a place of safely, he laid t
"And now, lc off with you, and thank Ihe
saints that you lave roe without a scratch on
jour skin or the value of jour htlhj rsntjef hull."
Il needed no peruasLoii to induce the bishop
to turn his luck upon the drtpoiUf of his
worMly goods, and, having no wtlghUp carry,
he set offal what equestrian tcimn'ahand
tcmtei." Scarce!, however, had he rcaihcd
Ihe middle of the precipitous rosd, when he
perceived his jwrieculor running after him.
"Slop, you nimble-footed ihlef of the
woild I" roared the roblr "stop, I tell ymi I
I've a tnrling word vvllh you yet,'
The exhausted and ilefrnscleM clergyman,
finding It Impossible lo continue his flight,
suddenly came to a standstill. The fellow
approached, and his face, instead or it former,
fcrocily, was lit up wilh a whimsical roguish
mm of expression, as he laldi " And Is it
likely V il let jou off with a liellcreoal on jour
luck than my own? and will I lie after losing
Ihe chincr of that elegant hal and wig? OfT
wilh Ihcm this moment, and llirm you'll be quit
Thofootjnd quickly divested Ihe blshopof his
single-breasted am, laid violent hands upon
the clerical Inland full-bottomed wig, put Ihcm
on his own tierson, and then insisted on seeing
his laic apparel used in their stead; and with a
loud laugh ran off, as through his last feat had
been Ihe moft meritorious of his life.
Thankful al having escaped with unhinken
Iraics, his lordship was not long in overtaking
"My dear Williaml" exclaimed his af
feciionate wife, after listening to the account of
ihrpcrilstowhlch her hushandhailliecri ex posed,
"for heaven's sake, lake off tint filthy Jickct,
and iIioa- It out of iTic window. You can pin
rny warm cloack over your shoulders till wc
reach the next stage, and Ihcn jou will be able
tn purchase some habit better suited to your
rank and calling."
"That is more easily 8aid than done, my
love," he replied; "I have lost all the money I
posxescdj not a single guinea is left to pay our
expenses to-night. My watch, too, that I so
dearly prized! Miserable man lhat I ami"
"Never mind jour watch or anj thing else
just now, onlj pull ofTlhat mat of filth, I Im
plore jou; who knows what horrid contagion
we may all catch if jou persist In wearing it?"
"Take it nil, dear pipa," observed the
daughter; "but don't throw it away; it may
leid lo the detection of the wretch who robbed
The obnoxious garment wis removed. The
joung lidy was aliout lo place it under the
real when she heard a jingling noiscthat at
tracted her attention, and, on examination found
secreted in various parts of the coat, not only
the watch, Hicketlxok, pulse and silver of
which her father had been deprived, hut a jc1
ovv canvas bag, such as is used by farmers,
containing about thirty guhVas.
The surprise and joy of ait parties may lie
imagined. They reached the inn where they
proposed stopping for the night, and as the
portmanteaus had escaped the dangers of the
road, the bishop was speedily able lo attire
himself canonicallj-; Before the parly retired
for rest, inlelligence arrived tht the highway
men had been taken after a desperate slrnggle.
MIIIO'S HORSE SENSE.
One day Zadig, walking near a little wood,
saw, hastening lhat way, one of the queen's
chief eunuchs, followed by a troop of officers,
who appeared to be in the greatest anxicl)-,
'iuiViirui-l.''- ' ""'KsniiemnsiTjpl;in
in search of some lost treasure.
" Young man," cried Ihe eunuch,
you seen the queen's dog ? "
Zadig answered modcstlj, "A bitch, I
hink ; not a dog."
" Quite right," replied the eunuch.
Zadig continued: "Avcrj- small spaniel,
w!-o has lately hail puppies; she limps with
the left fore-leg, and has very long cars.''
"Ah I jou have seen her, then?" said the
"No," answered Zadig, " I liav'c not seen
her ; and I really was not aware tliat the queen
possessed a spaniel."
By an old coincidence, at the very same
time, the handsomest horse in the king's sta
bles' broke away from his groom in the
Babj Ionian plains. The great huntsman and
all his staff were seeking the horse with as
much anxiety as was the eunuch and his peo
ple the spaniel ; and the grand huntsman asked
Zadig if he had not seen the king's horse go
"A first-rate gillopcr, small hoofed, fiv
feet high ; tail, three and a half feet long ;
check-pieces of the bit of twenty-three carat
gold ; shoes, silv er ? " said Zadig.
"Which way did be "go? Where is hc"
cried the grand huntsman.
" I have not seen nujtliing of the horse, and
I never heard of him before," replied Zadig,
The grand huntsman and the chief eunuch
made sure that Zadig had stolen both the
king's horse and the queen's spaniel; so they
hiled him liefore the high court of Dcsteilum,
which al once condemned him to the knout
and transportation for life to Siberia. But the
sentence was hardly pronounced when the
lost horse and spaniel were found. So the
judges were under the painful necessity of re
considering their decision ; but they fined Zadig
four hundred ounces of gold for sajing he had
seen that which he had not seen.
The first tiling was to pay the fine. After
ward, Zadig was permitted lo open his defense
to the court, which he did in the following
terms : "Stars of justice,, abysses of knowl
edge, iniirors of truth, who, gravity is as
that of lead, whose inflexibility is as llut of
iron, who rival the diamond in clearness, and
possess great affinity with gold since I am
permitted lo address jour august assembly, I
swear by Ormutd lhat I luve never seen the
respectable lady-slog of the queen, nor beheld
the sacrosanct horse of the king of kings. This
is what happened :
"I was taking a walk toward the little wood
near which I subsequently lud the honor to
meet the venerable chief eunuch and the most
illustrious grand huntsman. I noticed the
track, of an animal in the sand, and it was easy
to sec lhat it was that of a small dog. I-ong,
taint streaks ukii the little clvations of sand
between the footmarks con viced me lhat It was
a she-dog, with pendent dugs showing ttut
she must have had puppies not many days
since. Other scrapings of sand, which aUajs
by cjpsc to the marks of the fore-paws Indi
cated that she liad very long cars; and as the
Imprint of one foot was always fainter than
thoseofth; other three, I judged that the lady
dojj of our august queen was, if I may vcnUre
to say so, a little lame. With respect to the
horse of ibe king of kings, permit me to oh
serve that, wandering through the paths which
traverse the wood, I noticed the marks of
liorsc-shoes. They were all equidistant.
'Ah!' said I, ' this b a famous galloper 'In
a narrow alley only seven feet wide, Ihe dost
iim the trunks of the trees w-os a Iklle
disturbed at three and a half feet frost Ihe mid
dle of the luth, ThU horse,' said I to my
self, 'had a tail three and a half feet long, and
Lashing It from one side to the other, he has
swept away the dmt.' ' Branches of (lie trees
met ovjihwd at the height ol five fesl, and
under 1 saw., newly fallen leaves) so I knew
that the horse harbrushnl some W the buiuh
es, and was tkwrcforc rive feet high. As to hi
lilt, Il must have lieen made of twenty-three
carat gold, for he had rubbed it agilnst a stone
which lurneil out to he a touchstone, with Ihe
properties of whirh I am familiar by expert
nieiil Uslly, by Ihe marks which his shoes
left upon pebbles of an other kind, I was led
to think lhat his shoes were of fine silver."
All Ihe judges admired Zadig's profound and
subtle discernment, and the fame of it reached
even Ihe king and Ihe queen. From Ihe ante
rooms lo the presence-dumber, Zadlg nunc
was in evcrylxuly's mouth; and although many
of Ihe rmgi were of opinion that he ought to
lie burned as a sorcerer, the king commanded
that the four hundred ounces of gold whichlie
had been fined should lie restored to him. So
the officers of the court went In with the four
hundred ounces; only they retained three hun
dred and ninety-eight for legal expenses, and
Iheir servants expected Ices, Vellaitt,
THE LONIIHI YARN ON REC0RI1.
If jou can only spare the time lo read this
through, jou will lie satisfied lint the head line
is not a lict
There was once a certain king, who, like
many Kastcrn kings, was very fond of hearing
stories told. To this amusement he gave up all
his time, but jet he was never satisfied. The
exertions of his courtiers were In vain. He al
last made a proclamation that If any man
should tell him a story lhat should last forever,
he would certainly mitre him his heir and give
the princess, his (laughter, in marriage; but if
any one should pretend he liad such a story and
should fail that is, if the story did come lo an
end he was to have his head cut olT.
I'or such a price as n beautiful princess and
a kingdom, many candidates appeared, and
dreadful long stories some ol them. Some
lasted a week, some a month, and some
six months. Poor fellows, they all spun them
out as long as they possibly could, but all came
to an end, one after another, and the unlucky
story-tellers had their heads chopjicil off. At
last came a man who said he had a story that
would last for ever, if his majesty would lie
pleased to give him a trial. I Ic was warned
of his danger. They told him how many
others jd lost their heads; but he said he was
not afraid, so he was brought liefore the king.
He was a man of scry composed and delib
erate way of speaking, and, after making all
necessary stipulations for hi eating, drinking,
and sleeping, he Ihus licgan:
" O kingl there was once a king who was a
great tjrant; and, desiring to increase his
riches, he seized upon the corn in his king
dom and put it in an immense granary
which was built on purpose as high as a
moutain. This he did for several j ears until
the granary was quite full to the tcp. He
then stopped doors and windows on all sides.
Hat the bricklajcrs had. by'accident, left a
small hole near the top of the granary, and
there came a flight of locusts and tried to get
at the corn, but the hole was so small that
only one locust could pass through at a time.
So one locust w ent in and earned off one grain
of 'corn, and another locust went in anil
carried off another grain of corn, and then an
another locust went in and carried off another
grain of corn." ,
He nauuoneinus Irom morning till night
(except when hew a: engaged at his meats) for
about a month, when the king began to be
rather tired with locusts, and interrupted his
"Well, we have heird enough of Ihe locusts,
we will suppose they helped themselves to all
the corn they wanted to, tell us what happened
To which the story-teller answered deliber
ately: "If it please your majesty, it is Im
possible to tell what happened afterward before
I tell what happened first."
And then he went on again: "And then
another locust went in and carried off another
grain of corn; and then another locust went in
and carried off another grain of com; and then
another locust went in and carried off another
grain ol corn."
"Oh, friend, letup, I am weary of jour
locusts. How soon do jou think they will get
away with the corn?"
To which the story-teller made answer:
"Oh, king, who can tell? At the time to
which my story has come the locusts have
cleared a small space; it may lie a cubit each
waj around the hole, and the air Is still dark
w ith locusts on all sides. Hut let the king hav e
patience, and no doubt wc shall have come to
the end of them in time."
Thus encouraged, the king listened on for
another jear, the story-teller going still as
"And another locust went in and carried off
another grain of corn; and then another locust
went in and carried off another grain of corn;
and then another locust went in and carried of)
another grain of corn."
At last the king could stand it no longer,
and cried out: "Oh, man, tlut is enough!
Take my daughter! take my kingdom! take
anything, only let me hear no more of the abom
Suable locusts. "
And so the story-teller was married to the
king's daughter, and was declared heir to the
throne, and nobodj- cv er expressed a wish to
hear the rest of the story, for he said it was iin
possible to come (olhe olhci pari of it till he
had done with the locusts. frant K, SlMtjri.
A SHORT llUT YV.RV S VrlSKACTORY TALE.
In the city of Algammon resided the Prince
Ctumpou, who was madly enamoured of the
Lady Capilla. She returned his affection-
In the matter of luck-hair the Lady Capilla
was blessed even beyond her deserts. Ilerna
tural pig-t til was so Intolerably long tlut she cm
plojol two pages to look after it when she
walkesl out; ihe one a few j-atds behind her.
the other at the extreme end of the line.
Their names were Dan and Becrtheba, rexci
Aside from salaries to these dependents and
apart .from these considerations of macas
sar, the possession of all this animal hbmant
was financially unprofitable; the hair market
was buoyant, ami hers represented a brgc
amount of Idle capital. And It was otherwise
a source of annoyance and Irritation; for all
the young men of the city were hotly in love
with her, and skirmishing for a love-lock.
They seldom troubled Dan much, but the
oulljlng Hccithchahad an animated time of il.
He was subject lo constant Incursions, anil
wasaUajsin a riot.
Although the lady Capilla was unwilling to
reciprocate the passion ot Ctumpnu the man,
she was not adverse lo quiet interviews with
Ctumpou the prince. In the course of one of
these, as she sat listening to his carefully ie
heaistxl and really artistic arawaU, wilh her
ui lunging out of the window, she suddenly
"iff dear Iiince,H she said, "it is all non
tense, you know, to ask for rny heart; hut I atti
not moan; )uu shall have lock of my hair."
"IM you throk," leplicd the Hincr,
"llijl I eoud be sa sordid 04 to accsqx t sio-
gle jewel from that glorious crown? I love
llnshalr of yours very ileaily, I admll. Ian
only because of its connection wilh your divine
nenn, hercr that connection, and I shall
value It no more than I would a tail plucked
fmm its native cow."
Thlscomparislon seems lo me a very fine one
but tasles differ, ami lo the !.aily Capilla It
seemed quite Ihe reverse. Hiving indignantly,
she marched away, her queue runningin through
(he Window and gradually tapering off ihe in
lervlcw, as it were. Prince Champion saw lhat
he had missed hit opjiorliinlly, and resolved lo
reiiair his error. Straightway he forged an
order on Beershebi for thirty yardsof love-lock.
To serve this writ he sent hi Inislness parlner;
for Ihe Prince was wont to lieguile his dragging
leisure by lonsorlal diversions In an obscure
quarter of the town. At first Bcctsheln was
sceptical, but when he taw the writing in real
Ink his scruples vanished, and he chopped off
Ihe Souvenir demanded.
Now Clumpou's partner was the court
biibcr, and by the use of a. peculiar hair-oil
which Ihe two of ihcm had concocted, they
soon managed to balden the intes of all Ihe
male aristocracy of the place. Then, In sup
ply the demand so created, they devised
beautiful wigs from Ihe I-ady Cupula's lost
Ircsscj, which Ihcy sold at a marvellous profit.
And so they were enabled lo retire from this
narrative wilh good incomes.
It was known lhat Ihe Ijdy Capilla. wtrfj.
since Ihe alleged murder of one Bcershcba,
nan shut Herself up like a hcrmil, or a jack
knife, would reenter society, and a great lall
was given to do her honor. The lieauly, rank.
and fashion of Algammon had assembled in Ihe
Guildhall for tlut purpose. While the revelry
was at its fiercest, the dancing at Its loosest,
the rooms at their hottest, and the prespira
lion at spring-tide, there was a sound of wheels
outside, liegctling an Irulant hush of expecta
tion within. The dancers ceased lo spin, and
all the gentlemen crowded alioul the door.
As Ihe Lady Capilla entered, these instinc
tively fell into two lines, and she passed
down the space lietwcen, with her little tail
lichind her. As the end of the latter came
Into the room, Ihe wigs of the two gentlemen
nearest the door leaped off to join Ihcii'parcnt
stem. In Iheir haste to recover them the two
gentlemen mt eagerly forward, knocking
their shining pows together with a vehemence
that shattered them like egg-shells. The wigs
of the next pair were similarly effected, ami in
seeking to recover them the fait similarly per
ished. Then, track I ifat I faih at every
step the lady took their were two heads lhat
beat as one. In three minutes there was but a
single living male in the room. He was an
odd one, who, having a fat man opposite him,
had merely pitched himself headlong into his
stomach, doubling him up like a tcmon-
squeezer. And taking all the breath out of
the fat man's body, to the great benefit of his
It was merry to see the Lady Capilla'tloating
through the mazy dance that night, with all
those wigs fighting for their old places in her
pigtail. -A. G. Ihirtc.
1 1 . H '(iUUSE.1 '
Colonel Harding was one of the wealthiest
planters on the lississippi river. Although
he had been educated at the North, and was
something of a man of the world, he possessed
to the full all the distinctive characteristics of
the Southern gentleman. He was very fond
of entertaining and his dinners were known
the country round. The basis of much of
Colonel Harding's pomp was his cuisine to
the perfection of which his negro cook, Cesar,
toiled night and day with that unceasing in-dustrj-
that the negro only evinces when en
gaged in the fascinations of the culinary art.
But, alas 1 that I should have to record it
Cesar, like all great men, hid his weakness,
and that weakness was no less than the lazy,
impudent, shiftless, good-for-nothing Dinah
One Sunday, just as the dinner was going
upstairs, Dinah sauntered into the kitchen
th a sidling, shuffling gait, and with the
easy confidence of one who knew her rights.
Look hyar, you Dinah," said Cesar,
trembling with the foreboding of ill, "doin
jou come foolin' roun' hyar. I got no time to
bodder wid you. So you jess go long.
" I ain't foolin roun nobody," said Dinah,
sullenly, as, like one of Paul Jones's frigates,
she sidled up to the kitchen table.
rsow on that table, alt succulent in fixings
and gravy, lay a fat roast goose, browned 10 a
turn, and just ready to ascend to the colonel's
table. Iu the twinkling of an eje, and before
Cesar could prevent the mischief, Dinah
whipped off one of the legs and bolted for the
"Hyar t hyar ! nigger ga!, bring back dat
leg," rushing after her with the turnspit in hb
hand. " Bring back dat leg dis minut
But Dinah was now far away dandng In the
twilight, and munching away destructively at
her stolen property. Tocr Coar, in the
meantime, was in despair. He bustled around
ths, kitchen, racking Ms brains for some
remedy to repair the havoc Dinah had made.
Suddenly a thought struck Mm. With the
goose in his hands, he rushed frantically to the
range, boldly threw open the grate door, and
dexterously exposed the despoiled side of the
goose 10 the (lowing coals within. This done,
he caicfully deposited ihe goose, wilh the re
maining leg upward, on Ihe plate again, and
with trembling heart awaited the issue. The
situation was indeed critical. Soup lud been
served, and fish j they were now ixissing the
roost. It was time for tlut goose to appear.
With the natural instinct of self-preservation,
however, Cesar deferred the awful moment as
long as possible. In fact, he went solar in
his mental processes as to delude himself with
the hope that il might not be necessary to send
up the goose at all. He was rudely awakened
from this dream, however, by Ihe colonel's
body-servant coming down stairs and crying
"The kunnel wants to know why you dean'
send up dat goose ?
Resistance was useless. Caesar abandoned
himself to hU fate. In contrast to this scene,
all was merriment and laughter above stairs.
The colonel was in high spirits ; be had been
telling one of his favorite anecdotes, and it bad
been unusually well received, awl as the gune
was places! liefore hint hU eye gleamed with
further satisfaction. In nothing did he take
so much pride as his geese.
'Miss Jones," asked the colonel, blandly,
" what shall I help jou ta ? Will you take a
wing or a piece ol the breast r
" 111 lk a leg, if you please," replied Mis
Jones. . a
t'CeiUkly, Mis June t and what cart 1
help you lo, Mks Smith i"
After moMcni't hesitation, Miss Smith re
plied, bke Miu Jones, that she, loo, would
A puttbjj expression lnan to show Itself oa
the caioud's Uow, Look where he wustU he
costU iMt&BdUMt othei lag. lit Hutted th
goose over and over. In lift twrplesltr. he
looked around Ihe table, lo see If bv chance
Ihe leg had strayed on lo another plale.
Then Ihe thought began lodawn upon him
he was Wne trifled wilh, Insulted In his own
" Tell Cxsar," said (he colonel to one of Ms
servants, " I want lr see him Instantly 1 tell
Mm lo come up just as he Is. Ladies and
gmtlemen." wld ihe colonel, pointing non
distantly, wilh his carving-knife, lo Ihe goose,
"there II a little mystery here that I trust will
lie explained satisfactorily, I lutve only len
able lo discover one leg to" this goose, Inn I
hope In a few minutes lo be able lo ascertain
where Ihe other leg has disappeared to.
There was a steely look In'lhe cold, gray
eyes i something fiendish in h! very urbanity
Ann wncn Ir Cjwar apiiearrd lfore his
master, trembling In every limb, and the
pupils ol his eyes dilating with leiror, Ihe
sympathies of the company were entirely wilh
him, and not with his master.
"Cesar," said llie colonel, quictls-, "do
you see lhat goose 7" "
" Anil how did you come lo send up a noose
that had only one leg?"
" Cos, massa, your geese only got one leg,"
grasping, like a drowning man, al a straw.
" My geese have only one leg V
"Yes, sah I" defiantly. The vcrv novellv
of the Idea cmlwldeneil him.
"Do jou mean to stand there ami tell me
that my geese have only got one leg?"
" cs, cbcry one."
" Very well, Cassir, that will do for Ihe
present," said the colonel, with a grim smilr.
In the morning we shall see if you are riclu
But let me tell you, sir, If you are wrong. HI
leach jou to be more accurate in jour anatomy
In the future."
Poor Crcsar well knew what this meant. He
was most certainly in for a whipping. The
next morning the colonel am! his mints
walked down In solemn procession lo Ihe duck
iwnd; there, sure enough, were all llie geese
standing on one leg.
Didnt I fell you so? Didn't I tell you
so, massa?" cried Cscsar, Iriumpluntlj,
"hhoo ( shoo !" said the colonel.
Every goose put down his leg.
But C.-sar was equal to the emergency.
"Dat ain't fair, massa ; you know rial ain't
fair ! You didn't say 'shoo' to dat ge on
de tabic." yromt A, Hart.
What is thist
This, darting, is the son-in-law.
Oh! he is the viilimcf a nuther-in-lawt
Yes, dear, of a rich mother-in-law, who sup
That is what malts him so tired and
Partly, my precious.
And the other cause t
Well, he has lieen to dinner at Ihe club.
tiut why does he go home in that tcnditton t
Because all ihe other places arc closed.
Gracious I what will his molher-in-lma d I
,SI.,ir.l Ii ili 1 .1 m niiln i rwirfii.is
moving his boots.
Then the four stn-in-txa will not h clubbed
with a soujladle, lectured for tav hours, and
scalded half to death with toiling tea f
Hut if he is so dissifated, why docs the foor
mother-in-law fut up with him t
Because he gives her daughter position.
How " position t"
Well, before marriage the mother-in-law was
very rich, but was not "known" in society.
Now she is not quite so rich, -but she u
Through thi son-in-tawt
But the poor wife her daughter?
It Is Ihe same with her.
A re they satisfied
llut is getting into society so desirable that a
girl will marry such a man to accomplish it I
es, my precious.
iilyl Hut how for the pcor girls who can
not marry such men I
They are unfortunate.
fare they no consolation!
A meagre 00c.
And that t
They can die and go to heaven From
" Life's" Popular Science Catechism.
First Widow " I was happy with my first
husband. I may be happy with a secorxL I
shall marry again."
Second Widow" I was nol happy wilh my
first husband. I may have bolter luck wilh a
second. I shall marry again.
Third Widou- " I was happy wilh my first
husband, unhappy with my second. I roust
now play the rubber. I shall marry again."
First n'idcmvr" I was happy with my
first wife yes, very happy, I could never he
happier. shall nol marry again."
Second Widower" My married life wis an
inferno upon earth. I am now free. No, I
shall not marry again."
Third Hldouxr "Iilidnotlcadaverytuppy
life wilh my fist wife; it was worse still wilh
my second. I am not anxlont to know what
a third would be tike. I shall nol marry
again." tendon World.
Elder Sister (to little one who appears to
lake great Interes'. in Mr, SkibWns ) "Come,
Utile pet, it is time your ejes were stmt In
little Pet" Guess not. Mother told me
to keep my eyes open when you and Mr. hkiU
bens were together." Putt.
Customer " Look here, I his meal is
tainted. It's quite offenvitc.
ieitauraMt-heeper"'ti, I think jou're
right, but I didn't tell you I thought It wight
spoil your appetite. "John Bull.
landlady" I fear, Hrigitte, that iIkm two
herrings are scarcely sufficient for the whole
seven of us."
Brigitle " OuL uudame. I thought so,
too, and su I added the heads uf those we hod
Jcinnette. M, are you goir; lo give me
another piece of pie ?
Ma. What do you wont lo know tor?
Jeancette. Because If jou ain't I wont tu
cat ibis piece slowly.
A prisoner who has Uca convwted at lsvst
a doiea tissvn U placed at Ibc bar, .
" Your honor, I should hie to have wy com
postponed for a week. My lawyer U sit-k."
"Hut you wmc captured with jrxh hwd hi
this sjeMtauaa'a pocM. What tn yoM
counsel My its jpotsf ilssrier1
"Precisdy, yK Isugur. Thai I whl t m
loa. to Wusw" 1 .
cwietu to kaow,