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. GiYE US A CALL
THE
'M
warn News
i I W IS v
JflR
W f-fi V
.wa 7i r i w
By Salvatorc Farina.
Translated from the Italian by
Francisquc Reynard.
Translated from the French by
. G. B. Robertson.
BEFORE HE WAS EORN.
I
We were not waiting longer; to toll
the truth we never liad waited. Wo
married each other without anv ul
terlor purpose, only U be married,
and our wedding day appeared to
me to be the most beWtiful la my
life. To see anytlimg beyond our
profound lover to imagine a joy other
than that of traveling through life
hand in hand along the same oath.
Evangeline and me, seemed like the
taunt of the dwarf to the giant which
we nourished in our hearts. I write
'which we nourished", because
.Evangeline. -she also, loved me-very
nueh, without which she would never
huve consented to become Madame
Placide.
At this time, I had not yet dug
leep into the mine of the Code of
Civil Procedure, and the law practice
if Attorney Placido was as yet only
a good intention. Added to this, T had
then, and still havo today, agrotcsquo
baptismal name, and one that
( xtinguishes the fire of amourous
iovc. My wife called me Ondas
and this Is abapfsnalrame subject to
tribulations but my true name, you
may not believe it, my name, such as
it is, is Epamanoudas.
I say then that we wore not wait
!r.g any lougpr, that i:; to say, we
never had waited, because we mar
ried each other without any ulterior
purpose. And yet, encouragements
had not failed us.
On our returned from our weddin"
journey, parents,, relatives, friends,
ill those who awaited us at the sta
tion, welcomed us with certain smiles
which would have embarassed me if
I had not been prepared to laugh.
My Evangeline, ;onr child, was with
out defense, and the more I laughed,
the more she blushed. This was
what the parents and friends wished;'
our confusion added to their good
humor. '
Thou hast it? You have it?
And they gazed at my wife, with in
terrogations full of allusions of which
the poor little one did not understand
the. meaning; then they regarded me
with the air of acompliees, winking
and nudging me. My father-in-law,
a little man full of good
humor and vivacitv. turned to his
daughter and facetiously demanded
of her: Have you brought it to ine?
as if she might have it in her valise.
Finally, there was a professor of
arithmetic who, abusing his science
md his profos.-ion. made an auda
cious calculation before my Evangel
ine, and maintained that, as weweie
married in July, it should, arrive in
March, with the first violets. Xut
turlly, these good people did not say
plainly what they meant, and this
added salt to their pleasantries, but
it was not ditlicult to understand
that it was tho question of tiny son.
Then came Ihojn-oblem of sex, and
here tho diversity of prognostics
was complete. As for my father-in-law,
there was no doubt, it would be
a boy, (tin engineer); but the old aunt
Simplice. who offered to hold it at
tho baptismal font, said that it would
bo u girl, and intimated in a hundred
ways, without saying sO much, that
what the future little Simplice should
best do, would bo to copy, hi .time,
tho charming graces of tho god-
inowier. 4.0 sniisiy every one, i 111-
variaoly responded that that my
child would bo neither a boy nor a
girl, alid I said this laughting, witl -out
giving a a thought to tho torture
indicted on prospectivo fathers,
who aro obliged to adoro for Ion
months, a child without sex. Put
when I imagined that 1 had, by my
good humor, induced them to leave
my poor little wife in pence, it oc
curred to one thoughtful person,
more ready than T, to suggest very
seriously to my wife the best manner
!to satisfy both her father and god
mother: Make it twins lie said to
her, now that you are.
Put no, my good fellow, she wns
not. Petween our two selves, we
could well laugh . at the error of
these good people, if wo had not
felt some scruples. For wo felt
ourselves obliged to wait for him rc
vorently, the poor little creature
who .perforce mast come with the
violets; speaking of it sometimes as
if we really believed it, not wishing
to have the appearance of denying
ti it the caresses of pnfpa and mom
ma. The arithmetic of the professor be
gan to servo us also, but brought no
care or fear. We said: The violets
will come before him and we were
r 'signed to see him come with the
lilies-of-the-valley and the cherries.
Ar.d each month which passod,
during which wo read discourage
ment in the face of my father-in-law.
of the aunt Simplice, of relatives
and of friends, mingled with grada
tions of pity and forgiveness, made 11s
understand that we were two good-for-nothings.
We felt our honor piqued, but it
was inutile; tho violets came, the
lilics-of-thc-valley came, bringing
nothing but their perfumes; then
came t' c cherries, but ala , all a!one.
This son which would not decide
to bo born now began to trouble our
peace; I could well see that under
the light laugh of my wife was hid
den a secret anguish, and often 1
could not succeed with my kisses in
banishing the cloud from her brow.
Once, surprising lier seated in a
corner, bent over her sewing but
not taking a single stitch, her eyes
downcast, I approached her softly
and kissed her on the neck. She
was startled and said Wretch be
cause I had frightened her, and pres
ently she. showed me a sm'iling face,
but notwithstanding what she said
and did, I saw a pensive and fugitive
thought. What?
She spoke to mo one day: She trem
bled at the thought that she was not
able to make 1110 happy; she was
ashamed and affrighted that she did
not know how to make me a present of
a rose colored baby. And when 1
said that it- mattered little, that I
did not mind, she gazed into my eyes
md added:
1011 see now it is, marriage is
not what wo think, and when you
aro convinced that we connot succeed
better. . .
I would not let her finish the
phrase; I closed her mouth with a
kiss, I ma'do her waltz around the
room with 1150. and as if this were
not suflicient, T took her in my arms
like an infant and carried her through
all tho rooms in our apartments,
which were four, without counting
the little elrsot for tho servant. She
finishing by laughing.
My wife was not light,- and. I did
not deposit her in her chair without
protesting that, for a man like my
self, the weight of a wife like her
was quite sufficient, and that it
would be charity in her not to put 011
my shoulders a baby that 1 did not
know.
I lightly mocked at my future pro
goniture; I might have done worse.
I would not regret passing for an
unnatural father,' nor was it for me
to shew her what I was In reality,
nn oxemj lary hisbaiid.
Grace to these artifices, I succeed
el in persuai.iiig hor that it was the
best thing slio could do to show mo a
joyful visage, and to mukelifo happy
for 1110 with tho light of her sorqr.e
eyes.
One time she said to mo:
Is it.really truo that you do not
desiro him?
Whom?
Your son.
Never replied Isolenmly,
She jestingly pretended to bo seized
with horror; then she added:
Tho idea camo into my head
that you were waiting for him, that
you did not wish to wait much longer'
for him, that you loved him more
than you love md . . . and I was
jealous of him.
Pah! I cried since there is
still no question of him how could 1
be able to love.him?
That is what I thought also:
1
how can one adore an infant yet to
be bom. who ninv never be hot 11, for
tho only reason that he is to be your
son? Pa short, he is a stranger to us.
iVnd sometimes when I have glanced
at you secretly, 1 have seen you
pensive, and have said to myself:
"He is thinking of him, ho will not be
consoled, ho adores him."
Poor Evangeline! She loved me
well.
She loved also order, symmetry,
and it is neccessary not to confound
these two domestic virtues. Order
may be a habit, symmetry is an
affair of sentiment, and it is always
the most potent.
To understand how many little sacri
fices it cost me to satisfy ' this tyrannic
symmetry, it would be necessary for
oneself to be obliged to keep house
with a slim purse, and to have before
one's eyes four walls which could not
properly hold but four pictures, or
eight, when one has just half a dozen.
Pah ! my wife loved me, me first,
and next she loved symmetry, and 1
niainl ain in the face of all the world
that her affections were well placed,
at, least in this matter of symmetry.
When she took me by the hand ant!
led me mysteriously into my bed
room, and then abandoned 'me to my
stupifaction, saying Look and
when I looked and could see noth
ing, and when finally I saw and was
astonishe dthat she had been able to
find means to ameliorate a symmetry
which already appeared perfect,
t ion I never failed to cry Bravo!
Sometimes I added; Just see
these six chairs so well arranged,
two at tho head of table, four placed
is-a-vis in the corners of the room;
do they not seem to have a seuso cf
1 eason, and do they not appear to
a secret intelligence? Move one
and the intelligence- which seem to
an'mate them vanishes, they become
nothing more than mere chairs: they
are not as if they were made of pre
cious woods and draped with fine
damask, they ouly appear as chest
nut wood with straw-stuffed scats.
Evangeline laughed because she felt
well content, and 'I continued:
If this wicked boy who shoul.l at
this hour have already been born,
should decide to come into the world,
do you know tho grand feat which
he would undertake? He woulJ un
dertake to doranga your symmetry
and banish it from tho house, as do
certain artists whom I know, who, in
place of painting beautiful ' pifct
ures or writing fine books, find it
more easy to pass for geniuses by
making war on refined iustinets,
on conventionalism, and o.i accosted
sentiments.
You thiu1: of fiat still? asked
(Evungolliie wit'.i an adorable pout.
She was' alluding to 't'iis wicked
jboy."
I And I recommc.ico I to roroat to
! hor for tho 1 uivlrodt'i t:m ti.ut I
was lnpi y as I wes, that I desired
nothing, anl that, on tho con
trary. . .
Say it, say it; what on .tho con
trary? Could I in truth say it? Xol crly
j I was i appy t net desiro 1 nothing,
but it also seemed to mo tint m
infant woull givo me more chagrin
. t'iai 1 leasure. What would I do
' . .!H t 1 T 1 1 1
wiin an uoir iciore 1 nau succeeueu
in gaining a law practisa ta leave to
him in my old age? I was waiting
with some impatience for a clientage
yes, but as to progeniture, 1 could
not think of it without a littlo terror.
We lived a life shaped for us by ec
onomy, repressing desiro ton times
a day, and building cortain castles
which arrogantly defied all laws of
equilibrium. Poor us, Evangeline
with her tiny dot, mo with my Codes
and my diploma, we made for our
selves genuine pleasure in planning
for our future.
In thinking well of the matter, it
seemed clear to both of us that a babe
would bo a pernicious luxury; and 1
could not understand how my good
man, the father-in-law, who had bare
ly been able'to scrape together a dot
and my household' treasures, could
permit himself to indulge in such illu
sions, and to obstinately hold that the
addition of an infant was absolutely
necessary ior our happiness.
- - Infants - - said I philosophically, - -
come into the. world nude and full of
appetite.
And this simple yet profound max'm
inspired other reflections less simple
but not less profound, and my wife
was entirely of my opinion.
- - An infant said she - would like
ly be a very nico thing to' have, but
then it would bo necessary to go no
more to the restaurant or the theatre
- - As to that - - responded I - - it
would be .sufficient if I were to give
up smoking ... It is a sacrifice, but
for the sake of my sou l will make it
And thereafter I made, of mysc't
in effect, a hero every time-1 lit my
cigar.
(To be continued.)
Tlao Snlcsluly'4 nomancc.
"Yes, I'm In the uccktlo department
now. I like It ever so much better
than selling ribbons. Men aro so much
easier to suit tliau women. All you've
got to do Is suillo at them and you can
sell Uicm any old thing. Vho women
will linger over the whole stock ami
not buy 10 cents' worth just as If a
lady had nothing to do but show good3
Resides, I don't like the floorwalker
In tho ribbon depurtnieiSt. Tho ouo
we've got now Is lovely. Ills nauio is
1'orkms Horatio I'orklns and bo's
just an swell.
"And, say, can you keep a sccrct7
He's yon won't toll a soul? Well, he's
In love with me. No, he hasn't said so
yet, but I win tell by the way he looks
1 1 me never takes his 'eyes off me
from morning till night. He's Jealou.o,
too, and that's a sure sign. You ought
to'vo seen lilui yesterday when Ucorgo
uaiuo In to invito mo to the bill post
er's ball. George lie's my old steady,
you know well, ho and I was standing
there talking when Horatio I mean
Mr. Perkins came along, lie gave me
an awful llerco look, bat I never let
on that I seen hlui, but Just kept right
on talking.
"Then he stepped right up to mo and
says, his voice quivering with suppress
ed emotion, ho says: 'Miss Robinson,'
he says, 'are you awaro that there are
hull' a dozen customers waiting for
you?'
"I know ho only said that so as not
to betray his real feelings, because
when I turned around there wasn't any
six customers there at all. There was
only four." Now York Journal.
A How r.t tlio Slinw.
The lord mayor's show Is on annual
theme for the newspaper!?. Very littlo
can bo said about It that hns not been
said again and again. It costs about
2,000, the banquet from 2.000 to 3,
000. Tho show has sunk during tho
century to borrowing some of its splen
dors from tho "property man." There
by hangs u tale.
A certain lord mayor hired from tho
Surrey theater two suits of armor,
brass and steel, with n couplo of su
pers to go Inside them. The manager
of tho Surrey stipulated, by the way,
that the steel armor should uot be
used If the day bo a wet or a foggy
one. After the show tho mou lu armor
were taken to tho Guildhall, remalu
lug there several hours without food.
No one. It appears, was able to rid
them of tholr Ironmongery.
Wine was given them, and the man
of bras3 became Intoxicated. The by
atauders, thinking if he fell about that
he would Injure others a3 well as him
self, tried to eject htm. But he show
ed light, and. to add to their further
dismay, hla companion In anas Joined
him. They were overcome at last ouly
by sheer weight of numbers. Then
tho maker of the armor was sent for.
He eventually succeeded In freeing the
men. who were hi danger of belug
stifled by the weight of their cquip-meut.-Good
Words.
Treating; IiiHoutiilii,
So many people suffer from Insomnia
nowadays that It Is a wonder they do
not adopt the time honored custom of
Krench kings and Indeed of our an
cestors generally, tho "en cas" by the
bedside, the meal of fruit or bread and
cold chicken, put ready In case of
wakefulness. Many a merry little meal
might be eaton In the middle of tho
night, when thoughts crowd on tho
mind and care sits heavy. It Is the
wakeful digesllou that claims Us due
and clamors to bo fed. Our forofa.
I thers weie wise, and many a hunter
after old furnituro kuows the quaint
little cupboard with a grated door
which served for tho night meal and Is
now gouiotinie3 labeled a cheese cup
board. A bedside book Is of no uso
when the pnngs of hunger iniiko for
mastery, but with a book and a
"snack" olio can ccutrlvo to pass
sonic pleasant hours, even when sleep
does not touch one's eyelids and tho
sweet boon of unconciousness evades
one's' grasp. New York Times.
LIKED TO BE Off TIME;'.
GO MR. JOBSON. TOLD MRS. JOBSQN ,
REGARDING THE THEATER.
Anil tlur Good WIIo Vn Inconnldcr-
nc BnotiKh io Tnlse tllm nt nis.
Word, Mncli to III DlsBUnt nnd Un-'
Qiinlincil Amnmomcut.
"Mrs. Jobson," said Mr. Jobson
when he got homo nt -1:30 the other'
cftcruoon, "Just lot mo take this early
opportunity to remind you again that
we're scheduled to go to the theater
this evening. It Is my desire nnd pur
poso to reach the theater In tlmo to
too tho rlso of tho curtain on the first
act, for ouec In the who'lo course of
my married life, this evening. 1 want
to see the beginning of the show. I"
wns unable to get aisle scats, and I
feel unwilling on this particular occa
sion to trnmple seven or eight unof
fending men and women underfoot in,
order to roach my sent just 14 minutes
nftcr tho performance has begun,
when tho orchestra Is rendering shiv
ery music and tho abused and starving
woman with the diamonds Is narrat
ing the history of her' life. Nor do I
feel resigned this evening to tho spec
tacle of yonr completing your toilet
on tho street after wo start Just see
If von can't tog out In time for us to
mn'ko the break for the cars some
where in the neighborhood of 7:30,'
nnd you'll do rue a favor."
Mrs. Jobson smiled and superintend
cd the setting of tho table. Tho dinner
parsed off quietly. After dinner Mr.
Jobson settled himself In his easy chair
nnd burled himself In The Star. Dark
ness begin to creep on npace, as tno
ladv novelists pat it, and he illumi
nated the house. When ho finished
The Star, he picked up the copy of
"David nnrinu" that Mrs. Jobson had
boon rending and plunged luto it.
"This Is tho stuff they've been mak
ing such n row about." muttered Mr.
Jobson to himself when he satlown,
with tho book, and In less than eight
minutes he had read 12 pages of it and
had forgotten his name and number.
Mrs. Jobson had disappeared up stairs
some time previously, but he didn't
even hear her moving about In her
dressing room. After awhile, howev
er, she called him.
"It's getting late," oho said. "Aren't
you going to begin to dress?"
"Uh huh," replied Mr. Jobson, turn
ing over a page. Ho had only an Indis
tinct Ulen of what she was saying.
Ten minutes later she called to him
ngain.
"I am pretty nearly ready," she said,
"and it's 7:30. Aren't you going to
change your clothes?"
"Uui-iii, uh huh," answered Mr. Job
son, unconsciously digging into hia
locket and pulling out another cigar,
which he didn't light, but chewed on.
Ho was too much engrossed with tho
book.
At 7:25 Mrs. Jobson tripped down
Htalrs nil ready. Even her gloves wero
buttoned.
"Well?" said she, smiling at Mr.
Jobson.
"Huh?" he Inquired, looking up at
he'r. "Where ato you going?"
"It seems to me that we had Intend
ed attending some theatrical perform
ance this evening, had wo not?"
Mr. Jobson surveyed her In a mysti
fied way nnd then pulled out his watch.
"By JIng, I believe there was some
thing said nbout the theater this even
ing!" he exclalinod. "How's It hnppon
tlmt you're all ready? And why dl'du't
you Just tip me off, by tho way, that It
was tlmo for mo to bo getting arrayed
la purple and fine linen?"
"I called you several times," said
Mrs. Jobson.
He laid the book down aud regarded
her severely.
"Called me-several times, hoy?" snhl
he skeptically: "Mrs. Jobson, 1 don't
claim to be getting any younger, llko
some; people I know, but It's simply out
of the question for you to attempt to
make me believe that I'm as deaf as n
post. Don't you suppose 1 could havo
heard you If yon had leaned over tho
' banisters, and talked above a whisper?
; But I see through your little game.
1 Just bceni'so 1 hiinnoni'il to iimlnd vnn
this afternoon that It would bo a goo
scheme for you to be ready on time you
figured that It would be fuany to sneak
up stairs at about 5:30, walk around on
tiptoe while you fixed up and permit
mo. to doze off lu my chair hero, Ju'st
so's you could have It on me nbout not
belug ready myself. S'poso you thought
that was a really subtle scheme and
hard to see through, hey?"
And he went muttering up stairs to
get ready, no found the buttons all
placed In his shirt and everything laid
out on the chairs, but still he muttered.
Mrs. Jobson didn't stand in the hall
and sl'iout up to him, "Iley, there, aro
you going to be all night getting those
duds on?" ns Mr. Jobson would havo
done under reversed circumstances.
At 8:20 he clomped' down stairs with
his tie very much mussed nnd at ono
tide, his hair parted In several different
places and with tho sanguinary marks
of several cuts he had Inflicted upqn
himself In shaving still showing quite
prominently. They reached tho theater
at 8 MO, and seven pcrsous had to stand
to let them pass to their scats. Mr.
Jobson sat and watched the remainder
of the play In gloomy silence. Ho didn't
tay a word on the way home. As ho
got n bee line oa the bed, with his hand
l&n the gas key. preparatory to putting
lout the lights, however, he addressed
her thus:
"Mrs. Jobson. a Joke's a joke, but a
put up Job Is a different sort of proposi
tion. You weren't cut out for a light
comedienne. The nest time you feci
Inclined to bo funny just count up to
1S1 and tako Seven, steps to tho rear.
That'll give you a chance to decide to
pass up your elephantine manifesta
tions of humor. By thy tlmo xoa learn
your limitations you aro liable not to
have any husband, nnd he won't be Iq
Dnlf TTnl nlthpr" WnKhlnr. Oinr. '.
