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! THE PSYCHOLOGY
1 'OF COURTSHIP,
g A St, Valentine's Day Story,
By Arthur J. Stringer,
l'rofessor Edward Wlsingtou, lectin--tr
ou practical psychology at the Uni
versity of Elsewhere, was lu a great
illcmmn. The- more lie thought over
It the greater that dllctnum grow. So
It ended, oC course, lu his doing whnt
ho always did lu such cases-going
and asldug his sister Frances about it.
Frances, or Frank, as he iilwayi call-
M lief, was ouch a "wise little, woman I'm stuck!"
that Is. lu most tUIngs4 She. was al- "Which specie?" said Ernnl:, pass
vays disarranging ibis apparatus and ing him tho sugar. ' " '
fiilxlug up his papers, and she had "Why, the human species, dear men
sfomo mad Idea that a study tablo and women, you know." said tho
ought to bo cleaned op at least once a young professor In despair. ',
week, aud'and'was a little frivolous. "Oh, 13 that alir said, Frank, with
too, and said Hudson's law of psychic relief. ;
phcnom(!na"tv'a!s besh. Hut, then, said ""Isn't that enough? Thm most Ini
tho' young professor, with a "sigh, girls portaut part of the whole Work!" '
would bo gills. "Why, Teddle. It's tho easiest thing
lint he always called her his "right In tho world! Get; engaged 1" . ,
band man." Tills -was quite right, for "Engaged? I gut married? Why, ,1
Francos had foil ad she had to watch never did such a thing In my life!"
her big .brother like, a baby. t Some- "Of course you didn't. Toddle, you
times be 'even forgot his own name, stupid old fellowl But. why not try It
Frances blamed It all ou his five years nqw?"
at IToltfelbcrr;. lie had come homo' ' TJ10 young professor viewed the sug
froui '-Ccrmany able to think of .nothing gestlon as a wprklng hypothesis for
but' psycholcgy. si10 u.i t0 jqh i,liu several minutes.
When to ca .-ry an umbrella', and when "Really, that ecema a rather j:ood
to wear 1,1s greatcoat, and when to Idea, you know."
come to dinner, and which professor '.'It's the only Idea," said Frances.
il was borrowed his Baldwin's hand- "Of course It Is when you think It
book, and when he had or had not paid over." agreed the young professor.
Ilia' bills, and when he- should and "Out stop a minute!" He got up and
"TAKE HIS NOTEBOOK, "TIIEKE,
f mi m W
should cot call. So It was no wonder walked up and dovn In perplexity,
tho lerjrned psycht'.ugist went to his "Uui It's imposjlc. out of the ques
Uttle sister. tlon. absurd! Why. there has to be a
'. "You see. Frank, it's this way," said
be. sinking wearily Into a big chair by
the fire, while Frances fluttered about
making tea. "I'vo got an Idea, vou It' was the yomw professor's turn .to
know, a really excellent Idea, my dear. Mush. Much to his horror Franco
You know my first book. 'The Biology ,vras lu the habit of always asking
of Bea,utv,' and you remember the sup- friends of hers In for tea. Among
plementpry volume. The Racial Func- those who came ofteiiest was Doro
tiou of Affection I got hold of a new then Davidson.' Professor Davidson
field there, an absolutely new Held. 's the head of the moral .philosophy
Frankie. and now one more volume department of the university, and of
along that line of thought would eon- course that was why the young psy
stltute a trilogy of great psychological cholodst had treated Dorothea with
value. One more volume, my dear. less absentmlndedneus and abstraction
would do If." Xhnn lie dlspliiyjx, to tho ordinary
J The young professor paused and ran yov.us lady of Elsewhere. Jn fact, he
lilr. (lager perplexedly through his had even taken her to a coupic of polo
i,,,!,. . matches on tho university campus and
'iWd&nly he looked up and asked. ' upr 's two lK0 bonJ !" M
'Fran, were you ever in love?" "" morocco. But .me day jLUe
Frances blushed crimson, for. be it J01'11'11' ' ft' low ' matliemartcs
known, a big undergraduate of Else- 1I,,,e "0UM ?ly a,lusIon t0,t,le '" nml
T . ... .. . , lniinfhr flip -vomicr nrnfpMsnr nlwavu
wnere uao uecn seiunug uer roses ami
tiikln- her 10 fooib-ill matches for two
years. But the young professor was
always thinking of his psychology.
Sn l-'i-n iii-i.c Imi'.hiul iiml nM ll"hl!-t
VWby. of course, dear. There are lit woinpn. .-nd she know.whnt she knew,
iif 'em. vou know. .TeddU-. and If I So w, tho -vm",K vntvmor consld
didn't have to slay and take, care of w! suc;h an astounding proposal he
you I'd marry 'em ail!" llit' considerable embarrass-
The young professor looked reprov? Illl'ut
Ingly over his glasses at his sMer, , i.''But-er-Frank. tlK-cr-J.idy Jier
. "Frances." he saijl gravely. "I fear, "'If. J know? Sho-ho mightn't
you nrp frivplous. exceeding frivo- v that sort of tiling!"
Ions." Instead of denying t'm charge "Why. you foolish boy. that's where
(lie neeuse.1 voting lady deliberately courtship-comes In."
rumple.) up the young processor's lialr "r'"t. ' p!,.v Vrank. how-how would
,Jn a niiNt aC'eetlonaie iiainuer. She .vo advise a fellow to go about till
holloed there was Just a sreak or two son of rtdng?" ,
f gray coming in II. "How?" said Frances. "Why, It's all
, "We'll. Teildie. dear, wliacis the iJi'rd eay enough. Tomorrow Is St. Valen
volume to be about?" she finally said. ' 'J- sea1 Dorothen a valentine
giving III 111 his tea. in tin; first place, a nice one. with a lit-
. Whnt alwui? Well, ihafs limt It!" sentiment in It, you know, to show
i.-f.lfhe young prcres;nr pin down ids rr.-
-uiUJ mnl eheeknd ou wniothing on im
tl!)'r. "lt ought to Uc The I'sveholo-
' ay nf fourtsiiip.' you knew, but here's
ipt where I'm stu.-k. Tlie lioiible Is.
Hi- dear. l- don't know anything
Ly alvoiu eonrtshlp."
Bf . C'I'lin rn inir i,rnfBBr,p olnlip,! ntlil rn.
Ediln-.tho flro, w l i.tt loold of pensive;
wlstfulness. li"rnnk sighed, too, but
mid nothing. I
"Vou see, Frank, I'vo got tho first ,
three-quartern f tho thing done. I be-
s,' then thrashed out
Mahinmls. Then I .
The Mating of
went Into Tho' Courtship of Song
Birds' and reviewed all tho" animal
kingdom except one species. Arid thcro
DOLLY; THAT LI, FIX HIM!"
woman! And there Isn't nuyi'
"How about Dorothea Davids
" . " :
precipitately whenever he .found
that charming and quite harmless
young lady drinking tea with his sis
ter. But Frances wns a wise little
her you're ;ioi a htlek."
"uoes -tioes sne.reany tmnu 1 m a
stlckf". asked tho young proressor.
agha.1t. He had pever loofu-d at It in.
that light before.-. ,
"Of coin-. h(. (00,7 PptililuM tibials
auytinng ei.e. ieane. tKnir.. au,ii ijiny;
VOU Ve Sent her the Vnlentl)0 rW
ousuti to can or Vmeuimg m'.iu
you know, nud thetl t'll'tiRk Dorothea
over to ton with us, ami then and
llionob, thou you'll have to do all
the rest yourself I"
So Trances very wisely brought him
his pipe, tilled It for hlin and left him
thinking a woman wasn't a bnd thing
to have about, after all.
The young professor turned to his
books and' looked up St. Valentluc's
day and Its history. lie found the
original St. Valentino was a pious old
Msliop who wris put to death In the
reign of Emperor Claudius. That didn't
help him out very much. Ho made a
no'.'' of the fact, however, and said he
would see Professor Inehcnpo about It
i hi Hie morning. But. after all. this
,n. little to do with tin; matter. lie
would never get through this thing.
10 toi,i himself, If he stuck at details,
g0 10 took tils Indispensable notebook
valentine for D. D."
u, wrote: "SCo ltrown
Under Feb. 14
I.... U.lt,. lit. D,1u-a fr inn.lim
i 111- 11 tin 11. ivuuv. ,j t vj i.ji, i.iij.
plumage of- Cluctiluurus reglus
parotl.'i soxpennls. Ask Dorotln
sin- will- marry' hie."
That evening lib otolo out nud se
cretively purchased' a gorjtwjus valen
tine, a bewildering' creation of poetry,
perfume and pink and white satin. On
the back of It lie wrote, "With the
very sincere retmrds of Edward' Wl3
Ington." That did not seem satisfac
tory, so he carefully erased 'It nnd
wrote In Its place. 'To D. D.', with love
from B. W." That seemed better. As
ho' dropped It Into a letter box he saw
a group of undergraduates coming
('own the street. lie turned pink mid
lied hurriedly up a side street. He
felt thai (he Rubicon bad been crossed.
The young professor spent most of
St. Valentine's day lu the university'
library. When he came In for tea late
In the afternoon, he had fo'rgotteti ev
erything In this world but the fact
that he had found a 'most precious Ger
man monograph ou the generation pf
pedunculated elrrlpeds. and It had giv
en him at least a dozen new Ideas.
Ills jaw" fell when lie found Miss
Dorothea Djividson hi the big elialr by
the lire, with Frances sitting at her
feet. The anus of that big chair seem
ed to ling Dorothea In an almost hu
man way. The young professor did
not run away, but lie was oppressed
with a sense cf something forgotten,
lie felt sure It was something to do
with both pedunculated elrrlpeds and
Dorothea, but for the life of him he
could not remember what It was.
While taking his tea he decided to
slip over to his littered desk and look
for his notebook. He felt sure It would
be In liN notebook. Frances thought
he was trying to escape.
"Now. Teddle. you mustn't worit
when we're here!" she cried, catching
htm by the coattalls.
"No. we really won't let you work!"
said Dorothea, holding out her arms
and blocking tho way to' his desk In a
very tempting way. The young pro
fessor noticed she looked very lovely.
"But. Frank, dear, I"
"No. no! Teddle, you mustn't! Not
today. Take his notebook there, Dol
ly. That'll fix him!"
Dolly promptly did so. Vet she held
It with a certain reverence, for she bnd
always been half afraid of this big
young man whose name was known In
all Jhe sclontlllc reviews. t
"I wonder what Is so Important, Dol
ly? Let's And out. Something abuut
Isometric projections, is It, dear?"
Dolly ran her eyes down tho, open
page. Then she turned pale, dropped
the uotetiook and said she she really
must lie going? -1
"Why. Dolly, what Is It?," said Fran
ces, picking up the fallen notebook.
Then she rend aloud: 'Feb. It gee
Brown about plumbing.' That's all
right. 'Write to Dr. Roberts re mating
plumage of Clnclnnurus reglus' aud
Tar-pa rut la sexpennis.' That seems all
right. 'Ask Dorothea If she wlll'
Why. I I ob, there's, there's yes
I'm sure thero'u somebody ringing
down iitalrs. anil I must see about It!'
And Frances shut tho door quite
tight when she went out.
A .luko CoKt Clilcimo tile Con vc-nttoii.
ICehard C. Kerens of Missouri do-
clares that tlie little joke of I'resldent
Miller of the Hamilton club of St.
Louis being n suburb of Chicago cost
the latter city the convention, which
shows that it Isn't safe to t'i,t ou
facts. Members of the national com
mittee, however, say that Dr. Jamie
son Is himself responsible for the ,re
suit. He was one of the two tellers
Mr. Diirbln of Indiana was the otherjjJ
and (in the second ballot, being engag?
ed lu the perforinipee of bis duties,
forgot to vote. The polls showed
1 for Chicago, i-l for Philadelphia umUU
!w.. ?.. e r ' iti. .. .i..7
ehnJnnan announced that some one.
lind neglected to vote. Dr. .Inmlesou
i ----- - ---
went over t. Mr. Payne, made a con-,
fession and asked him to Insist upon
(mother ballot, whereupj JJr. Payne
silggt'Hted that Instead of passing; tlig
hat nround among the member, 'wligj
were scattered and constantly moving--about
tlie rooms, the roll be culled nivl.
every man step up and deposit Ills bnV
lot on the table. This was done, and
the result was that Philadelphia gain
ed two votes aud Chicago gained one.
Mr. Kerens and somebody else, who
had siiin;orifJ Chicago ou tlie previous
I ballot, threw jlmlr yotes to Philadel
phia, ajiu mo result was a inajority
for that cliy. -Chicago Record-
Itow to (Iron 11 Oyul.-rs.
Drain large oysters and to the liquor
add khiic dark, well seasoiHil beef
stock: cool; ten minutes together and
strain. In a spider melt some butler
nud let It slightly brown: then add
half the quantity of Hour as of butter,
tiieuii aim nrowu without iiuniing to a
rich darkness; add the oysters, mov
lug them about gently for a few see
flDdsjj tieii poiir, enough, of tlie. sirained.
F.iure 10 in i i;e. a sau(;e oi -iiieiiif eon-
Ser-e da suftilt noimds ot
THIS WRECK STREWN SAND BAR IS
DOOMED BY .THE 6EA.
One nt Iip Weird Imj?ii1k of Tliln
Ocean (jrn vc nrd A Woman In
White, n nici-illiift I'ui-clliiKcr null
u HIiik Hold In IliUtfux;
"Sable Island belongs to Nova Scotia,
t.4.115 tulles froln Halifax and 8." miles
east of Capo Canso," writes Gustav
Kobbo In Alnsl'eo's. "It Is u treeless,
shrublcss waato, senmtMl by elnd nud
wive and of over changing aspect. A
cone Khnpud hill near the east end,
once a mere undulation -of sand, Is now
over 100 fqet high and Is still growing.
Other hillocks are gradually being
mowed nway by Btormw. Tho hillocks
are liable to be undermined so swiftly
and swept out of existence that they
are ciwefully watched from tho various
stations on the island, there being
no cellalnty how far an Inroad of the
sen will extend after each successful
attack. Even tho coarse grass of tho
Island grows lu a different manner
from that of the mainland. It docs not
bear seed, but shoots up from roota
which run along under tho snnd. Dur
ing the Winter the sand Is blown over
the grass nnd buries It sometimes three
or four feet deep, but the hardy blades
grow up next season, as If tho Island
sands had protected them from the
colli of' "winter In order to mnko them
all thi stronger.
"The Island Itself Is lighting for self
preservation. It seems as If It drew
ships nto Its fatal embrace ns rallying
points for Its loose and shifting sand,
thus to protect itself by a bulwark of
wrecks against annihilation by the sea.
Tradition says that when Sable Island
was discovered by Cabot In 144" It was
SO miles long and 10 miles wide. In
1S0:, when a rescue station was estab
lished there, it was only 40 miles long.
Since then It has shrunk to but little
more than '20 miles in length, and In
width It is only a mile' at Its widest.
Within 2S years the western end lost
seven miles. Shoals over which tho
ocean now surges are pointed out as
former sites of Ilghthouseu. One of
these was so swiftly undermined by
the sen that It had to be abandoned
with the greatest precipitation. The
spot where once stood the superintend
ent's house Is now under two fathoms
"Tho Island, rapidly diminishing at
lln western end, Is slightly gaining at
Its eastern. Slowly, like a ship drag
ping its anchor, It Is moving eastward.
Will It ever reach the edge of the
shoals, stand tottering on the brink of
the abyss till it receives Its coup de
grace and plunge over the submarine
bank forever Into the depths? Unfor
tunately Its end will probably be less
dramatic. There is good ground un
believing that this gray sand bar will
slowly wear away until It becomes an
other submerged shoal added to an am
buscade already some QO miles In
length, for a line of breakers extends
10 miles from one end of the island and
'JS miles from the other.
"In the spneo of a single year Sable
Island claimed more' than -00 lives. In
fact, so many wrecks line the shoaU
of this ocean graveyard that tho new
pile up on the old, like bodies heaped
In one ditch. Tho Crofton Hall, an iron
sailing ejilp wrecked a few yenrs ago
ou the northeast bar, broke In two
about amidships. The pieces have
drifted together again, nnd tho fs!aud
ers suppose that she struck crosswise
upon an old submerged wreck nnd is
settling over It, which accounts for the
JwdL parts coming together. Nor Is Jhe
Island satisfied with the awful tribute
which it exacts from the living. The
same Informant who writes mo about
the Crofton Hall adds that tho bark
John Mcl.eod, which was wrecked off
Devil's island at the entrance to Hali
fax harbor, drifted ashore on Sable is
land bottom up, a wreck of a wreck!
'"One of the grimmest legends .of Sa
hie Island dates from the wreck of tho
Amelia, npd there Is enough evidence
of truth connected with it to show
what bloody deeds were added ou that
occasion to the terrors pf shipwreck.
Captain Tirrens, who commanded the
gunboat which was dispatched to Sable
Island nfter the wreck of tho Amelia,
was one of the survivors of the second
JJsnslcr. A passenger on the lost trans
port was Lady Copp);(nd, pn her way
tbJoln her husband. The captain of
.'irx 1...., t,..t 1. .if cl.n
UJUj uuuutib mill uwii ium in. lb isiiv;
wo,ro on ner roreuiiger a ring or pecui
Jar. art I lice.
jf'flio story has It that Captain Tor
reus, wajidering over the Island one
night lu search of possible survivors,
was attracted by the piteous whining
of ills dog in front pf a small, open
shelter kuown to have existed at that
time, but long sluce toppled (a pieces.
Approaching tlie shelter, he was star
tled to see the tlgure of a woman all In
-white aud holding toward him the
'deeding b(iiin) of a. forefinger. While
jidwns giizlug -it the. apparition It rose,
silently glided past him and dived Into
tfiowii," But tlnioat'd again thereafter
the white woman with bleeding fore
finger whs seen wandering over tlie
"It Is probably only part of the weird
legend that Captain Torreiis. feeling
Euro tlirtf a shocking crime had been
committed, tracked the guilty pirate
until, he discovered Ids family ou the
pons pf IfUbrndqr and enrned that the
ring had b"en sold In Halifax. It Is n
fa'st. Jipwever. that many yearn after
the disaster Lady Copeland's ring was
illtcovored In a Jewelry store in Hall-
1 fas a'n;. wns returned to her family.
i l,Vnii ittnl linnr linr i!wit litis r-enseil
to Uuiiut the Island."
-, jMcwatters Where are yon going?
2$iivt tors I'm going south for my
jMe&vrattors How did your health
GRIM SABLE ISLAND.
MEET HIM WITH A SMILBr
A Ilnlp Tlint nilcltn ft Protest l"ri
4 Married Woihen, u:.
"I do .irlsh xne.6no would write a
few rules for men,"' said n young mar
ries woman recently. "I'm awfully
tired of rending in magazines nnd
newspapers that 1 must-meet m.V hus
band when ho comes home from his
ollico 'pleasantly aud cheerfully,' that
tho house must Ve like a new pin, I
must bo prettily gowned, the dinner
must be daintily cooked and served
and that ho mustn't be worried with a
recital of tho troubles of the day, no
matter If delirium supervenes fur me.
'These precepts are nll.rlght theoret
ically and under qrdlnnry clrcum
utnnccs are practical. Every woman
follows them instinctively who wishes
to retain her husband's admiration, but
why aren't there n few laws ot this
sort laid down for men to follow?
'Why isn't there gome one to toll
them to look cheerful when they come
In and to forbear to gi'umblo If dinner
Is a trille late for any good reason, to
bo a little sympathetic aud affection
nte nnd remember that theirs nre not
tho only troubles In the house?
"According to the ordinary writer, a
woman's whole married life should bo
Bpcut In practicing expedients to keep
her husband's love from growing cold,
while he apparently may pursue any
course he pleases, civil or uncivil, ty
rannical or gentlemanly, and bo sure of
"This may not be the masculine idea
of the ease at all; tho sterhersex may
not really expect to get the whole
globe and give nothing In return, but
It Is not the writer's fault If they don't.
I sedulously keep all such articles
away from John, for lie's a very good
husband,' and I'm afraid such litera
ture would put Ideas Into his head and
"Now, poor unenlightened soul, ho
has an Idea that my side of the part
nership has its own worries, and he
tries to help me straighten them out,
but who knows how he would change
if lie ever discovered that he Is really
made of china and has to be handled,
with care to keep from being broken?"
LIKE THE LITTLE ONES.
Hen, ns n Itu2e. Are Fond of tho Fostt
er of Children.
"There's a very general Idea abroad
In the land that men don't care 'te
board In a house where there are chil
dren," said one of the sterner fcox yes
terday, "but that Is, I believe, a great
mistake, just as It Is an error to imag
ine that men generally don't like the
little ones. No doubt there nre a few
crusty old bachelors In tho world who
would be horribly annoyed by patter
ing feet aud shrill little voices In the
linlls and oh the stairs, but I must con
fess I like to hear these noises, and I
find by questioning a number of my
friends all young, unmarried men
thai: they dp aJso. The children give a
sort of homy atmosphere that's very
pleasant to even the most conifortleca
"Taking one thing with another. I
believe men nre fonder of children
than women nre anyhow. What I
mean Is thai more men than women
are fond of them. I know plenty of
the gentler sex who wouldn't think of
going to n boarding house where
youngsters were admitted, and I know
Just ns many men who seek out those
places and obtiiln a certain amount of
comfort and sa lisfaction In their lonri
ly lives lu making friends with tho
youngsters nnd spending valuable time
repairing sundry broken toys or telling
wonderful stories In which giants fig
ure to an amazlug extent,
' H. phlld's nffeptlou is n very delight
ful' thing, and most men feel flattered
to be. the object of oven a mild liking
.on the part of the small tyrauts. There
are half a dozeu little ones In tho house
where I board, and 1 am the famillar
frlend of every one of them. It's a
very delightful and absorbing ac
quaintance, and I'm fast developing
Into a story teller of such marked abil
ity that I'll make a fortune in tills
way, no dotibt, after- awhile." Detroit
A nidintirt-k Story,
In M. Georges Michel's llfn pf the.
late M. Leon Say some of the. ecqn'o.
niist's letters, are reproduced, (ud
among them Is one addressed to his
wife describing tho reception by Bis
marck at Versailles of the war fine of
3,000,000 that Paris had to pay. M.
Leoa Say was one of the commission
ers sent with the money lu bank notes
to hand It over German emnision
crs lu Blsmarckis proeuce, Tlie 8,-
000,000 was counted on a billiard ta
ble. When this was done, a receipt
was shown, to M. Say and then ploced
In an envelope which wns to be sealed,
The seal falling to bite Into ui.v,
Bismarck lnipate)tJr said to tho oc
rotary. "Vou do not know your busi
ness." He snatched the seal from him. rub
bed It for a short time on the hair of
his head anil then raid. "Try now."
Tho result was n clear impression.
Thi-y All I.Ike School.
"I'm not going to school today!" she
cried Jubilantly. "Oh. I'm sorry for
you girls who'll have to nit at your
desk? nt)d study,"
I ''.'Why aren't you going?" they nskel.
"Because." she replied. "I have to
go to the dentist's."
! Thus we learn tlie place that educa
tion takes In the list of childhood's
evlb. Chicago Post.
A I'raetlenl Motive.
Auut Gertrude Aud what will you
do when yen nre njhap.; Tommy?
Toumy I'm gohaj'to'gi-ow n bvard.
Aunt Gertrude-?. Why? i .
, niuiui.v i.i-)-iiii.so men i wont nave
nearly so lunch fauuto wish'oi
"" HERE'S A NEW IDEA
Which Would Knock All the Senti
ment Out of Wnrfnrc.
"A few days before I left lioiuei'!
said n visitor from Washington, "a hv
gal friend of initio called mo Into his
olllce and showed me a most extraoiv
dliiary mechanical monstrosity - upon
which he had Just applied for n pntent
I suppose the application has- beeir
pa-sod upon by this time, so there Is
no harm hi describing tho device.
"It was called 'the iiutdhintlo color
bearer' and consisted of d small fouri
wheeled truck made self propelling by
means ot a one horsepower gasollno'
engine geared to the axles. On tho'r
truck was a papier macho dummy of n '
,..,i,. ciipp-mint nosed In n heroic uttl-1
' tnde nnd waving a llag lit the air.- A
cord was attached to the starting Valve
of the engine, to be paid out as tho ma-'
chine advanced, so the thing co'uld bo'
stopped whenever desired by simply
giving It a gentle lug. :
"The Inventor, whOj'.vnS ah Iowa
man. began his writ 1611 si'ioclflcatlons
by calling nttetitlnn to tlie fact that
the llag had disappeared from the mod
ern battlefield. Mnchln; guhs nnd long
range magazine rifles had banished It'
from the scene of nctloiii and It Would
bo courting certain death for any sol
dier to attempt to carry it ttifo'ugh ther
zone of lire. Tlie consoquencct Wil's'that'
armies now went Into battle "without
the Inspiration of their national em
blem, and to remedy that grave doll
clency the gentleman from Iowa offer
ed his patent automatic coIoHicnVer. '
"His plan was to keep, it lno'in's con-1
tlnually In front of the firing lluo.'au'd;
he guaranteed It to stand nny sort of
fusillade without collapse. Ileitis 'ii'
me re shell, the dummy would blfer'ntf
resistance 'ti bullets, and they would
pass clear through It without Inflicting'
any damage except to make a small'
hole. The truck Itself was protected hi
front by a five-eighths Inch shell shield,
"My friend, the lawyer, nearly laugh;
ed himself Into hysterics while he was
explaining the machine, nnd ho said
that the Inventor fully expects to make
a fortune out of It. I would llko to seo
a brigade going Into action behind n!
papier macho color sergeant. It w'ould
be an Inspiring spectacle and the no
plus ultra of modern practical war
fare." New Orleans Times-Democrat.
I'.itthi-r He Itlch Vonnsr Widow.
Toss Old Mr. Do Semberl'ls very ln.
dulgent to his young wife, ls'n't ho?-
Jess Ves, and t know It Just wor
ries May sick.
Toss Gracious! Why should It If.
lie spondu all his money on her? f
less Why, she's' nfrnid lie won't
have any to leave her when b'e dies.
Jnggsby I'm nfiuld my wife's eye-,
sight is falling, doctor.
Doctor I'm sorry to hear that. What
makes you think such Is the case?
.laggsby Well, I went home last
night about 10 o'clock, and she saul.
"Good gracious. .TaggMry, this can't bo
you at tills hour!" Chicago .News.
.' -r. j
Ji:at Ahont the Demred Qiianttts'.
"I don't know; whnt I want." said the
dyspeptic guest, looking itt',the bill of
fare. " can't eat more than about two
biles, nnywny." '
"You might try n couple of our mut
ton chops, sir," suggested the. dignified'
wnltcr, unbending slightly. Chicago
Miles. l vant, to purchtw a Ubr
oughbrod cp.w, but, dou.'t know how
to look ip tile pedigree.
Giles-Why foWt you look In a eattle-
'S' . .,M
Xow Wo Have n, ;jv Word.
Dear me," cwinluu'd Old Subscrib
er, "the pnnpy fcamis to ho made up nk
most (?WlVfly of essays and cdltWn!s'
lu'lt"' TllCl"'S "1'ac,k'ally "0, iews
"It must have been fcheldonlaod,"
suggested Constant tfeadcr.-Cuteago.
Why tip lltix Started, V
"I notice that Cnhluir H,,.
l Boer man. Is off for tho 'IVansvaal a.t
"But he probably won't get there uui
til the lighting Is nil over."
"Of course. That's What finally In
ducod him to start." Chicago Post. 1
. ' i
lonom(onl ThuuKht. . .- '
Wlfor-My eauary Is dead. dear.
Husband Vou don't seem to be very1
sorry nbdul lt.
Wife I'm not Wry. Vou see. 1 'Can'
have It stuffed foe. my Kastetv bonnet.'
and then you'll not have to pav qnl'to
so muoh.-Pl:!ladelph!a Press. ' .
- . r . --'It
Ethel-Dii) .loe, pOie seriously ask
j on io marry mm
UUiei unatever did yon say? ' '
Maj-I told him I despised practical
Jokes. Philadelphia North American.
i-.oiver nnu uio Soil,
'Sir Tommy Lipton'si new boat f3 to?
. W""""" ie v.rii.