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THE MAUI NEWS-
-SATURDAY, MAY 18, 1907
Wanted to Find
CHICAGO, May 3. -Ernest Filer;
an alledged author, who desired
some "local prison color" for his
forthcoming book and threw a stone
througn a cigar store window In or
der to cet himself sent to prison, will
get his local color all right, and plenty
of It, but it will be at hard labor in
the workhouse. He selected a small
window, expecting to pay damages
and get out with a reprimand and a
day or so in jail. Instead the Muni
cipal Judge sent him to the stone
pile for four months, with instruct
ious that he be kept at hard labor.
Filer put up a terrible roar. "I
wanted material for my new book,"
heexplaimed. One of the principal
scenes will bo fnside a jail, and to
get real 'dope' well, yon know,
Judge, how It Is with us literary peo
ble. We want local color."
"All right," said his honor.
"Four months in the Dridewe'l at
hard labor will fix you all right. Lots
of color out there, I understand."
The Classes and
Masses in England.
Beginning with the well to do
classes, the Colonial discovers that
England is absolutely subjugated by
the desire always to be in "good
form," One must not be enthusiastic
about anything. After some months'
residence in London I have come to
the concluston that the majority of
the leisure class believe in nothing in
heaven or earth Fufticiently to raise
their voices about it. It would almost
appear that the Englishman is not
only superior to a!l the rest cf the
world, but is also superior to pas
sions and emotions. -
To be unobtrusive, restrained, in
dress and in manner like everybody
else, is obviously the one aim of high
er education in this country. Ori
ginality is looked at askance; an ex
cess of virtue is as much to be de
plored as an excess of vice. Vulgari
ty is Infinitely worse than wicked
I notice, indeed that while in the
West End of London there is, to the
Colonial mind, an extraordinary
toleration of persons of notoriously
vicious character, you have no sort
of use for the persons you are pleased
to call prigs and bores, which us
ually mean persons with some beliefs
and some ambition.
And it never occurs to the English
man that he Is wrong. Your news
papers are full of little slighting com
parisons, little patronizing jokes
about the peoples who have not at
tained to your own height of salf
suppression. The Londoner as much
as the Roman regards himself as a
person apart, and the whole rest of
the world are barbarians.
And the self satisfaction of your
ruling class is not only quietly as
sumed by Itself, but is also ' almost
joyfully acknowledged by their poor
There is no form of fiction so po
pular in your country as that which
has for hero the slight, handsome,
exquisitely dressed and fair-mustach-ed
aristocrat. Factory girls read
with delight of his victories over his
many rivals for the hand of the
equally picturesque lady he loves.
And it is a tradition among lovers of
novels of adventure that this hero,
finding himself in the "bush," shall
easily overcome a crowd of unwash
ed, bearded miners.
I am certain that if the governing
class in England has become, through
excessive conceit, incapable of prop
erly leading the people, it. has be
come so largely through the wild
idolatry of the rest of the nation.
In the Colonies there is a good
working theory of equality. Jack
does actually believe that he is every
bit as good as his master and his
master is of the same opinion, and be
would consequently be as little in
el'ned to patronize Jack as Jack would
be incMned to tolerate the patronage,
Out in England, in spite of trade
unions and the spread of socialism, I
find that if a man is born a carpenter
It never occurs to him that he can
be anything else but a carpenter
He may dislike his master, he may
combine with his fellows to tight him,
but he recognizes in his master
being of a different order. If he
came into the workmen's club lie
would bring with hlin a feeling of (J is
comfort. Between master and man
there is a great gulf fixed.
Political Institutions in England
may be dnmocratic; the laws may be
made according to the will of the
great mass of the people; but the so
cial life of England is almost as much
domino ted by caste as is the social
life of India. The class spirit in
fluences the life of the people from
t1 eir earlist childhood. The laboring
man, the middle class man and the
rich man send thier children to diff
erent schools. The bn at Eton rails
the boy at the grammer school a
"bounder," and the boy at the gram ¬
mer school regards the boy at the
board school as a "cad," and this
feeling is never eradicated. A Colo
nial in London Express,
Oat of Asia.
"How about our Oriental com
merce? asked a reporter of James J.
Hill the other day. "We haven't
any," was Mr. Hill's reply. Like
other intensely practical men, Mr.
Hill made a short cut to the truth,
having'in mind a commerce compar
able with that of Great Britain for
example, and not a mere rivulet of
trade such as that which trickles
from the Pacific Coast ports of the
"The commeree of the Orient" is a
rich, mouth-filling phrase, and when
orators have nothing better to say it
is easy to work up passing enthusi
asm with a picture of big-belliod
argosies whitening the Pacific and
drawing the white and yellow m.llions
together in exchanges of quaint and
costly merchandise. But the picture
does not come true very fast. Ameri
cans themselves are to blame, prob
ably, for the lack of a big Oriental
commerce. Their home market is
so much bigger and so much more ac
cessible and so much more profitable
that it is not strange that they
should give long-distance Chinese
business the go by while developing
business with white men whose needs
are understood and who are the best
spenders in the world.
The Japanese, however, are to
blame for the whittling away of the
small commerce that has been enjoy
ed by Americans in the Orient. They
are cutting down imports into Japan
and, at the same time, are increas
ing their exports to China at the ex
pense of the United States. The
wheat fields of Manchuria are being
tilled and soon Manchurian flour will
displace the California article. Now
comes the news that Japanese lum
bermen are at work in the Manchu
rian forests and are beginning to
supply uot only Japan, but China
with lumber. Japan's imports of
lumber from the United States were
less by several million feet in 190G
than in 1905, and Pacific Coast lum
bermen have said good-by to that
market They are now facing the
loss of the Chinese market, which
called for 102,000,000 feet last year.
An authority is quoted in the Con
sular reports as stating that "five
years hence the American shipments
of lumber to the Chinese empire may
be limited to general cargo carriers,
as is true of Japan today"
So, In wholly and partly raw ma
terials, as in manufactures, Japan is
rapidly elbowing the United States
out of Asia. Washington Post.
Make War Upon
Cornell Co Eds.
ITHACA (N. Y.), May 3. The
male students of the College of Arts
and Sciences of Cornell University
started a format campaign to night
in favor of th? segregation of the
sexes in the university and against
the co-ed participation in undergra
duate activities. At the first annual
feed of the Men's Association of the
college, faculty and students, joined
in the warefare. A large proportion
of the girls in Cornell are members of
the classes in this particular college,
and their presence has caused con
siderable hostility. Professor Olm
stead of the French department
strenuausly urged complete separa
tion and segregation, going so far to
demand separate classes, buildings
and teachers. This, however, was
recognized as impracticable.
Arthur W. Dubois, president of
the association, proposed to oust the
girls from all participation in class
politics and from membership on
class committees, organizations, pub
lications and every other form of ac
tivity. It was declared col'ege poli
tics had become demoralized because
of co-ed participation, that the votes
went to those who were the best
looking or did the most "fussing."
In Lighter Vein.
THE INGENIOUS MILITIAMAN.
Little nr nothing was known about
guard duty by the National Guard
regiments which went to carnp nt
Peekskill in 1883. On one terrible
night when It was raining cats and
rlos the poll enme. "Corporal of the
guard. Post 131" The corporal on
duty turned out, splashed across half
a mile of sodden ground, was ehnl
lenged and advanced.
"Well, what is it?"
"Tag! You're it," responded No.
No. 13 went to the guard tent un
der arrest. Arrived there, he re
marked: "Thanks! Just xaatly
what I wanted." Army and Navy
HE HAD THE COUNTERSIGN.
Lieutenant-Colonel Thurston, when
guard Inspector at the New York
camp at Peekskill, approached one
night a German sentry, who simply
looked at him and marched on.
"Well?" Inquired the Colonel, in.
tending to remind the man of his
"Veil, veil! Vot iss it?"
"Don't you want the countersign?"
"No, dot's all right. Der feller in
der guard's tent give it to me. I got
it." Army and Navy Journal.
A PARTRIDGE TEST.
An English squire was examining
an Irishman on his talents for the
position of gamekeeper. At last he
asked how Pat would tell an old bird
from another of later birth.
"By the teeth, eor."
"Hut partridges have no teeth."
"Begorra, I have." Judge's Li
"Ebenezer," called out Mrs. Jag-
way from the floor above at 3 A. M.,
"is that you?"
'What'sh use ashkin me thai?''
indignantly responded Mr. Jagway.
Don t y hear me fallin' over th'
furn'ture you put here in th' hall f'r
me t' shtumble against?" Chicago
COUNT THE LETTERS YOUR
Bacon What are the shortest
hours of the day?
Egbert One, two, six and ten.
HE WAS RIGHT.
"You're just a poem, Bess," I said,
And I was right, you see.
I knew the way she tossed her head
She was a verse to me.
A chappie in Kalamazoo
Attempted a damsel to woo.
"Pretty maiden," he said,
"Let us go and and be wed!"
And she blushingly murmured,
, "Sklddool" Exchange.
Tommy Pa, what is a comedown?
Pa Hanging on a strap riding
home from the autoshow. Broadwav
A REAL DILEMMA.
It was a steep grade in a mountain
division, and the old lady was a fid
gety, highly sensitive person. She
said to the conductor as he punched
"Conductor, is it a fact that the
locomotive is at the rear of the
train?" . .
"Yes, madam," the conductor an
swered. "We have a locomotive at
each end. It takes one to push and
one to pull to get us up this grade."
"Oh, dear, what shall I do?"
moaned the old lady. "Im always
trainsick if I ride with my back to
the locomotive P'Kansas City Times.
CAUSE OF GRATITUE.
"Does he really love her?"
"How can he help it she has re
fused him six times." Brooklyn
Editor That new man puts such
an unusual amount of fresh stuff into
Seasoned Reporter That's only
because he's so green. -Baltimore
MAKE THE BEST OF IT.
Doan' growl bekase dis woiT am not
Edzackly free from slu.
Hit's jes, de on'y woiT we got
To make our libiu' iu.
AFTER ACT THIRD.
Gerald I am going out to see a
GeraldlneYou seem to have quite
an extensive acquaintance. New
Kuicker Speech U silver, silence
Docker And letters a''0 pnper
currency. Ne-v York Sun.
HOW MANY HEM'LD
lie I am n com Mr, n-1 Imciielor.
She Iii(l""(1? w t nk Imw
m:inv t'i'ls p'.-.i-'o .1 , -t.p rmifirma
'ion? -Lippi!'fi't's .VJairnsiiif'.
ANCfF.XT AS "-CHILD BE
Mrs. Brvdi-n And i this chair
really an nnt.iiii iii'-r.- of furniture?
Dealer Antiqur . ni:n1-)m! There's
no doubt, about ihnt. Why. it. wnssn
worm-eaten when I bought it that T
had to have a new b-u-k and a new
seat and three new legs ni.nle for it.
Betty Mr. Cynique is very polish
ed, isn't he?
Will Oh! dear, yes. Everything
he says reflects on some one. 111ns
They had just extracted one of
little Pierre's first front teeth, and
as he gazed at the vacancy in the
looking glass he suddenly burst into
"Don't cry, dear," said his mother,
"it will soon grow again."
"Yes, but not in time for dinner,"
sobbed Pierre. Nos Loisirs.
A YACHTING TRIP.
Csptain Please, sir, your wife has
Owner Confound itl Another of
those sinking spells of hersl liar
ONLY DOING HIS DUTY.
O'Hagan Oi have found the man
that hit me wid a brick as Oi was
pasin' the alley, Mr. Murphy.
Mr. Murphy And what did you do
O'Hagan Nothin'. 'Twas all a
mistake the man was only doing
his dutv. He thought Oi was a com
stable in plain clothes. Smiles.
HUBBY'S TALES FROM HOME.
The fond husband was seeing his
wife off with the children for their
Easter in the country. As she got
into the train he said: "But, my
dear, won't you take some fiction to
"Oh, no," she responded, sweetly,
I shall depend on your letters from
home." London Tatier.
"Does your wife always talk back
'How do you manage to control
"I don't. She always talks first."
Lady And it was impossiblo for
you to rescue your friend from the
African Traveler Unfortunately!
When I arrived ho had already been
stricken off the menu card. Transat
UNKNOWN TO FAME.
Maggie You're not everybody,
Lizzie Well, Maggie do Almonds,
I never saw your name blown in any
bottle. Illustrated Bits.
CUT TO ANY LENGTH DESIRED
Delivered in Wailuku every Saturday
ami at I'aia and llamaktiapoko on
Wednesdays at lowest prices.
POTATOES, WATERMELONS, BUTTER, ECCS
POULTRY, SUCKLING PICS, CORN, ETC
Telephone Orders to
A. H. L n n d g r n f
Telephone No. 359.
quickly uftrertuiii our opinion free whether au
invention is probably patent utile. Communlm
ttoitsntrlctlrcmtldenttul. HANDBOOK on Patent
sunt free. OUlesl tu;eney for itecuniijr patwnta.
Patent taken tlirouyta Muim A, Co receive
tpteuU mtic4 without chflftftj, lu tu
A handnninoly tlluntrfttod weekly. I.nrust cir
filiation o( any wcifiitttir Journal. Toriim, f;i a
yer: four month, f L tMJhy nil Tu-wn.r-iiU r-
WUNN & Co.3B,Broad-- New York
ttittucb UlBwi, 0!i K BU Wauluuiiluii, 1. (..
AntAfla endlna A i ketch and deacrtntlon mv
IT DRAWS to ifself thesmall change f3
ijll which you formerly 'scattered, if ffi
starts a crowing DanK account
and CreaffelJa fund which will finals
rriake vou independent. MAKE THAT
FIRSf DEPOSIT TODAY. i&J&m
1 Ml Hh'li-lilUINi NATIONAL? RINKS
I II itIIJU l l J tJi lllillllil 1W1 I IIJLIIIU. UilllllU
Of trading at tlie LAHAINA STORE the depend
able store. You might save a few bteps by buying
elsewhere, but are you sure of the freshness and
quality ? Our goods in every department arc of the
best quality for the money. We would not make this
statement if we did not mean it.
The Best of Everything
t Live and Let Live Prices
THE : LAHAINA : STORE
Dry Goods, Groceries, Boots and Shoes, Notions, Plantation Supplies.
2 GEiNIiRAL BLACKSMITHING IIORSB SHOEING. S
S Alain St. near Market,
BISMARK STABLES CO. Lid
and SALES STABLES
The BISMARK STABLES
proposes to run the Leading Livery
Stable Business on MAUI
DRUMMERS' LIGHT ,WAGQNS
Exeuoio'.i Rates to lao and Ha'e
akala with competent guides
NEW RIGS- -NEW TEAMS
Give me the Kahului Harness Shop.
That you Harness Shop?
Say, duplicate that order just deliv
ered for double-set harness.
It's a Peach!
flic Kahului Harness Shop
Hello 324 : P. O. Box 72
ANTONE B0RBA, Prop.
Full line of popular brands ol
COR Dl LS. BRA N 1)1 KS
Celebrated Primo & Seatlie
25c 2 Glasses 25c
Pukalani Milk Dairy
If you want a daily supply of
fresh, pure milk, or fresh milk
When you want your carriage repaired to last
bring it to the right chop.
Wailuku, Mau 5
Machines for sale on the
Big Discount for Cash
Machines for Rent
By the Day, Week or Month.
DELIVERED and CALLED FOT
We have just received a new )
of Automatics and Family
chines and all kinds of Nee
S. DECKER, Agent.
Main Street, - - - Wall
Next Door to Wailuku Cash Stor
Penn, The Ha
CORXfcR HOTEL and F(-
Fop sale by
KAHULUI STORE, KAi
lAIA STOUE, f,
The Kahului Black
now open and ready l
eompi'teut mau is iu
shoeing a specially.