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THE MAUI NEWS-
-SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 190?
Tales of Olden Times Round
''That was only n sample of the
deviltries wo hail round this 'crc
town of Wailuku in those good old
times. Honest, I didn't think it
would shock you, else I would not
havo told you.''
"Well," said Jimmy Jones, "I
know Bill Jones of Waikapu hcfore
that. ( knew the times when he
could out drink, out swear, and out
light any man round these parts.
It was lucky for you fellers, when
he got into his fighting paint you
made tracks for somewhere else.
Ho could have laid out the whole
bunch of you as easy as turning
over his finger.
"I knew Bill Jones, when he was
the terror of Waikapu when he
got drunk of cause. I never knew
of anyone getting the better of
him at a show down with brawn
and muscle, except once and I'll
tell you that just to show you of
the narrow escape you fellers had
fooling round Bill Jones, when
he wasn't looking for a scrap.
His rule was to hit first, hit hard
enough to put you to sleep, then
bring you round later, and apolo
gize and tell you he didn't mean
it, which is mighty poor comfort
to the feller who got hit."
"Never mind preaching a per
nion Jimmy' said Billy Heed. "If
the story aint long, let's hear it.
We can sit round here and swap
'yarns a little longer before its time
for me to go home."
"Oh, I aint as long winded as
you are in telling what I know.
My rule is make it short and
sweet, get to tho point and the rest
is alKplain sailing.
"Well you know Bill Jones got
married to Maria, the daughter of
Kamaka, a toothless dried up old
woman, who had the awfulest
sharp tongue you'd ever want to
seo or hear."
"I know Kamaka, she is all you
say. But her daughter Maria,"
lrcamily remarked Billy Bead,
"was a peach! She is one of those
Waikapu girls, that mado the place
famous for lovely women! A re
putation that sent many a wild
young feller snooping around the
little burg looking for a chance to
get aquaintcd with Waikapu girls.
And Maria was the Waikapu girl
them days! Dark haired, fair
skinned with laughing eyes and
dimpling cheeks, of slender build
with red cherry lips well worth the
ransom of a king! I was one of
Maria's admirers them days!"
"Faugh! an old stick like you
ought to be ashamed of yourself
getting daft over girls like that! I
suppose tho next you'll say is
them's the kind that gives 'tasty'
"I was thinking of the picture
Maria made when she was in her
'teens at the time I first saw her,"
replied Billy Reed.
"Maria was nothing extraordi
nary. Sho had good looks alright
enough, but I'd sooner havo temp
ered girls than good looking ones.
She had points, I don't deny that.
All you fellers went daft over her,
I know that too. T hero was Syl
vester, he went daft over her, and
I think she was inclined once to tie
up to him. Ilomadoouta lot o'
poetry over her, as the 'Maui
"But Kamaka was shrewd enough
to seo that his spooning an' poetry
won't feed hungry mouths, and she
put her foot down and turned her
ton"guo loose on him.
"Sho. knew trouble of that kind
had to havo heroic treatment, so
when Billy Jones camo blunder
ing along, silly on hie looks like
tho rest on 'em, sho snapped him
up for a son-in-law and had tho
two spliced in a jiffy.
"As to her looks and figure Syl
vester says of her sho had 'opu
nowy-nowy' which in Hawaiian
lingo stands for being 'pot bellied.'
"Sylvester got sour for being
turned down and got that off as a
Citfy pootic rovengo which isn't
True and represents only so much
meanness." said Billy Uecd.
"And I don't approve of your sen
timent, for poetry has itu place in
any plan which makes life worth
"Faugh! such truck won't keep
tho pot a bilin'l See here, where
do I come in with you butting in
on my story? Turn and turn
about is fair play," said Jimmy
Jones, and Billy Heed meekly com
posed himself to take in the yarn
Jimmy Jones was going to inflict
on him, and seeing his friend in a
proper receptive mood, Jimmy pro
ceeded to make his hair stand on
end by telling ' the story of tho
taming of Bill Jones when he was
the terror of Waikapu.
"After Bill Jones and Maria had
married and gone to housekesping,
he kept sober and steady for a long
time, something contrary to his
usual habits, for ho was used to
having convivial times. Putting on
noso paint, going out for a social
time or a hot old time every now
and then had been the usual thing
with him and once in a great while
going olT on a roaring spree.
That's the custom them days ' and
Bill Jones kept bis end of it up
like tho rest of the boyB.
"Six months after getting tied
up he sneaked out with the' boys,
got full of bad whiskey and return
ed home beastly drunk; and Maria,
poor girl, got frightened out of her
wits and skipped homo to her
"You see, Bill Jones could no
more break away from his fixed
habits than you or I can. Habits
have to bo changed gradually.
After leading a bachelor life for a
few days he screwed up enough cou
rage to go after his wife to bring
"Then ho run into something
new and quite surprising to him.
"Old mothor-in-law Kamaka
was laying for him, and Bill Jones
in his innocence of tho ways of
women know it not. When he got
there Kamaka was there to re
ceive him, and she opened up on
"Ho was outclassed at the start,
but didn't know enough to run
for shelter. Kamaka held tho fort,
and gave him aqneco of her mind.
It was a big piece, baked red hot,
and she laid it all over Jones good
"Bill was a fighter from way
back and always had more courage
than.what was good for him, but
Kamaka with her sharp tongue
had him a-going from tho start.
Tho longer ho stayed the hotter it
got, until ho took a tumble to him
self and got away as fast as he
"Ho was too llabbergasted to
think what to do next, excepting
to go and get drunk, but Maria
followed and saved the day, for
"Sho took offense at tho way
Kamaka abused her simple, well
meaning spouso and promptly va
cating the parental roof she follow
ed and overtook him just as he
was making to go into Lum Sing's
back door where bad whiskey eould
be had on tho sly and towed him
home safe and sober.
"After that Maria took Jones'
convivial lapses as a matter of
course. But you can't tell noth
ing about women, she may go daft
on you so you could wipe your foot
on her and it would bo alright;
then again sho may get a sudden
change of ideas and .make a fool
of you, and you wouldn't know
where you are at.
"After a whilo sho got to giving
Jones curtain lectures, but his
habits couldn't change worth a
cent. Poor follow, ho tried hard
enough but just couldn't.
"Then she got to giving it to him
in a regular hot tamalo stylo,
handing it to him right out in the
open, but it didn't do no good.
"Tho next time ho camo homo
drunk she changed her tactics and
fired him bodily out of the house.
This happened several limes, until
the neighbors got to noticing it
and gossiped aboil, it.
"When Bill Jones became aware
of it he got awfully wild, got beast
ly drunk and started out 'to lick
"He ran amuck. He laid out a
man with one blow from his list,
threw another into a taro patch,
chased another into the cane-fields,
and got dangerously near knock
ing Major Cornwoll into the mid
dle of the next week The- major
saved himself by slaming theollieo
door in Bill Jones' face, and there
a spring lock on the door.
"Bill Jones raved and cussed
and dared any man to any old
kind of a scrap, and Jones was
powerful handy with his fists thou)
days. Some thoughtless fellow
sung out to him to go home ,and
have his wife box his ears for his
trouble, which gave direction to
his fury, and he lore home like a
"Some friends of the family ran
ahead to warn Mrs. Jones of his
condition, advising her to seek re
fuge elsewhere until Hie passions
of her drunken spouse had cooled.
"Mrs. Maria Jones was in the
cottage living room, where sho sat
mending clothes and sewing but
tons, humming a ditty over her
work. Her mother Kamaka was
with her, gossiping and sitting on
tho floor, sprinkling -water over
starched clothing preparatory to
putting them through the ironing
process. The dog lay stretched out
on the mat in the doorway and the
family eat was washing her face
under the table.
"To the warning of friends Mrs.
Jones gave scant heed, she tartly
reminded them to tend to their
own business, and remarked that
Bill Jones' drunken ravings weio
matters of little moment, so soon
had the timid girl got accustomed
to the brutal ways of her husband.
"In a minute Bill Jones burst in
on tlio domestic scene. Loudly
nursing he reeled into tho house
and laid hold of his wife. She
wrenched herself free and turned
on him, and it would have been a
great saving to his pride and feel
ings if he had ceased pestering her
then and there, but ho didn't
know when he was well off.
"He let out a string of cusswords
and bellowed 'I want you to know,
I'm boss here!'
" 'You boss nothin1, You're cra
zy drunk!' Bill Jones reached out
at her, a movement she nimbly.
avoided. He made another trrasn
at her and she got to tho other side
of the table and .still he kept try
ing to reach her.
"Maria Jones was getting mad.
and she had good reason to, so sho
picked up a long handled frying
pan and vith an overhead swing
brought it down slap bang on his
head. The bottom How off in bro
ken pieces, and tho ragged rim
bund ringed round the neck of Bill
Jones. Tho force of the blow sent
him reeling out the open door into
the yard. He staggered half sob
ered and turned to come in again.
But Mrs. Jones was coming with a
broom stick in her hand and her
tongue working loose a storm of
womanly wrath on him.
"Bill Jones was rattled. To
havo a woman making remarks
about him was more'n he could
stand so ho turned and ran with
tho rim of tho broken frying pan
dangling from his neck.
"That was something out of the
ordinary and exciting for the little
burg. People wagged their tongues
over it, and tho parson got some
ting realistic to freshen his ser
mons with for a long time.
"But it was hard lines for Bill
Jones. Tho blow sobered him,
and later ho felt soro and awfully
scandalized over it. 'J ry all ho
could tho broken frying pan rim
wouldn't slip off his head, so ho
had to havo tho v blacksmith, Mr.
Wilson, take it off for him. Iliun
iner and cold chisel couldn't be
used on it. It had to bo cut off
with a file, and it took all tho rest
of the day and pretty near all
night boforo it would como off.
"The squoazy rasping of that
file so near his ears was" an awful
torture, and Bill Jones expressed
his feelings over it tn a lot of pro
fanity, but it made him think, and
maybe ho earnestly began to reform
his habits from that time, for as
you say later he wouldn't drink.
WhereaB them days he was tho
worst sot I over set eyes on."
"You are pretty hard on tho
Waikapu girls, limmy," was Bill
"Sho! Was I?" said' Jimmy
"I should say so, when you
make out one of them nice look
ing gii Is to have'sueh tempers as
to hit a feller over the head with a
frying pan, why that's a pretty
"Well, it may be hard but its
the truth. I heard it, everybody
was talking about it them days.
But that's nothin'g, just a bit of
womanly temper. And I offset i:
all by saying that them Waikapu
girls are tho ones that can give a
feller what we call a 'tastky' kiss.
Now that's something fresh from
Waikapu, and worth knowing.
"What's a 'tasty' kiss anyhow,
since you seem to gloat and smirk
over it, tell us? said Billy Heed.
"Now you said, a girl had red
cherry lips, to kiss such a girl
would give you a ripe cherry taste,
that's what I mean." said Jimmy
"Ha, ha, ha! you're a joker al
right Jimmy! You took me in
that time," laughed Billy Heed.
Ami Jimmy seeing he had put
Billy Hoed in a pleasant humor,
proceeded like any successful pro
moter to carry a selfish design io a
He put on a wistful face and
looked in mule and eloquent ap
peal as it something and acicd
was on his mind. A confidential
matter to be only imparted to a
tried and true friend like Billy
Reed felt the unspoken appeal
anil asked pleasantly, "What is it
"It is this," remarked the wise
man Jones. He touched Billy's
arm, pointed to the neighboring
resort where bibulous cheer could
be had, then dramatically and
lovingly put his hand to his throat
worked off a grimace which spoke
plainer than words of a torturing
thirst which can only bo quenched
at the bar so near, yit without
price, beyond reach, lie put his
hands into his jeans to show
tho void, where neither price
nor scrip is to be had, and
once more the mute and touch
ing appeal shone softly from the
face of genial Jimmy Jones.
Billy Heed understood the pan
tomime and felt the touch of na
ture, and like a generous friend
drew out his well filled purse to
respond to the appeal of his friend,
but before passing over tho silver
quarter ho paused and said:
"Jimmy, tell mo how you camo
to bo in such a fix. I hope every
thing is well with you,- I hope ago
and want haven't drained your
purso so as to leave you in such
straits as you seem to be."
"It is this way. Mrs. James
Jones got it into her head to make
a New Year resolution. And with
tho unreasonableness of a woman
sho aimed it at me. Her resolu
tion is that I stay on tho dry dock
this year. We've been having
spats over it sinco New Year day.
Sho gathered all tho loose ends of
tho family resources into her
hands, and is holding it tight. She
won't oven trust me with a quart
er to buy fish! Sho is that suspi
cious. My God, just think of it!
Hero I'vo lived all my life trusted
by high and low, rich and poor,
alike, and now when I am old and
still respectable, my wife loses con
fidence in mo, and won't trust me
any more! Oh, won't that jar
"Thankee, thankpo, Sir) Its a
good turn you aro doing to a mis
erable old maul"
For Billy Heed, touched at tho
apparont distress of Jimmy Jones
had passed him the silver quartor,
"I thought, you claimed the pre
sent times better'n the good old
days," said Billy Heed as ho re
turned his purso to his pocket.
"So it is'', cheerily chimed the
irrepressible aspostlo of good hu
mor, Jim Jones. " 'Tis only a
temporary infliction, such as hap
pen now and again in all well re
gulated families. It'll blow over
by next month may he, and then
everything will be as serene and
lovely as usual.
"Won't you join me and have a
"No, thanks. I never drink,"
said Bill Heed, and he got up, and
went home pondering on how Jim
my Jones could manage to remain
so cheery and full of good humor
when things were squally at home.
And Jimmy Jones jmt up with a
benignant smile spilling into a
broad grin over his face, and cheer
ly stepped over to the next door,
cheerful as though he hail tho price
to treat the whole town, when tho
whole resource at his command
was just tho price of two beers and
a borrowed quarter at that!
(Continued from Pajje I.)
fertile parcels of land on which the
fruit grows to an average of l-?4
pounds without manuring, and
though this does not seem an ex
cessive size yet the growers here
boast that the total crop they obtain
per acre is not equalled on any
plantation of the other Islands.
Thus it is said a field of ten aens of
ratoons, i. e. the offshoots of the
first planting, pi odueed two-hundred
fifty tons of fruit or twenty-five tons
to the acre.
"The .Haiku Company buys the
fruit for manufacturing preserves in
slices, gratings and small cubes
called 'tid-bits' and also manufac
tures the necessary tins at the rate
of .'5,000 tins a day. The financial
results of the -Company have been
so satisfactory that the cultivated
area is constantly increasing; and
even in the neighboring district of
Makawao largo tracts are being
planted in view of taking advantage
of the local railroad to carry the
crops to the Haiku Cannery. The
Maui preserves are shipped direct to
San Francisco and New York on
the steamers which call at Kabului
to load sugar."
The Kaupakalua winery manufac
tures wines and brandies reputed to
be the best produced on the Islands,
and the largest crops of pines per
aero are produced on the Haiku
fields, adjacent to these lands, about
to bo opened for homesteads in forty
acre farm lots. These are establish
ed industries ready to take the pro
duce of the homesteader if he wants
to take up pine or grape culture.
Seeing is Believing;.
Wo havo in exhibition in our show room a choico
selection of nickel plated BATHROOM ACCESSORIES, such as
Soap Dishes for the Bathtub,
French Plate Glass Mirrors.
Soap Dishos for tho Wall.
Soapjind Spontro Holders,
Towel Bars in various sizes,
Towel Racks, 2-3 and 4 fold,
Comb and Brush Trays,
Tooth and Brush Holders,
Robe Hooks, etc., etc.
To roalizo thoir beauty anil usefulness thoy
must be soon and used. Takon as a whole thoso
fittings aro tho most artistic, practical, easily cloanod
and thoroforo tho MOST SANITARY.
Our prices bring thorn within to roach of all.
Wo invito your kind inspection.
KAHULUI RAILROAD COS
He does not have to hunt for or to
create a market for his produce, un
less ho wants to branch off in a
The Maui Agricultural Company
and the Hawaiian Commercial and
Sugar Company, controlled by
Mr. II. P. Baldwin and his
sons, are offering to dispose -801110
of their adjoining lands to settlers
which will open up more lands for
people who aro looking , ,,.
steads in this very desirable locality.
1110 Kaliului Hallway Company
proposes to extend its lino into the
region later 011 and in the meantime
has ordered two auto trucks foj,.
handling tho freight traffic between'
the Paja end of their system four
miles from tho proposed homesteads
and the Haiku region, and there is
also a gooil twelve mile government
wagon road between the Kuiaha
lands and Kabului which makes
transportation a simple matter for
As much as 1,000.00 was made
from one acre of pineapples, and
WSO.OU from an acre of grapes
grown in the Kaupakalua and Hai
ku regions. These are of course ex
ceptional eases, but they serve to
show the productivity of the land
about to be opened for homesteads.
News Items from
Old Hawaiian Capital.
Wireless Export Hawlston lectured
on Tuesday evening before tho La
haina Literary Society on Wireless
School Inspector Wells was iff
town last week on his way from
Honolulu where he had been assist
ing in making out reports.
Mr. Bortfeld, father-in-law of
postmaster Waal has been herefrom
Honolulu for a week or so on a
visit. Bo has a large; chicken ranch
near Diamond Head. -
I)r. Derby of Honolulu has been
in Lahaina about a week practicing
The Hev Mr. White and family
have returned from Honolulu where
they spent a few days.
There are twenty-seven girls do
ing fancy sewing in tho class con
ducted by Mrs. Simpson and Miss
Claphain of the Settlement.
Mr. Golding representing The
Star of Honolulu reports success at
Lahaina. Be has gone to Wailuku.
There was a heavy rain last Sun
day night in Lahaina. It has bene
fited the plantation very much.
Messrs. Conway and Green, two
commercial men of Honolulu, wore
in town on Wednesday.