Newspaper Page Text
THE MAUI NEWS, SATURDAY, APRIL 12, 1913.
XL. H. ft. "Hit Mew
HE WAS A GAY OLD DOG.
MigHouri man lassoed the record
of being the champion tightwad of
the Western World when he boasted
that during his sixty years of spark
ing he spent only $1.35 on the girls.
NOT NEW TO HARLEM.
The Russians arc all het up alout
a new invention called "minus ice,"
which is being shown in Moscow,
Consul General Snodgrass informs
us. Huh 1 We know what "minus
' is in Harlem. Wait a few
months, ask for a fifteen-cent piece,
measure it when you get it and the
neaning of minus ice will no longer
WHISPER IT TO WALDO.
Detroit has a dog-catching auto
mobile, a double-decker with
twenty-two compartments. Wonder
if the Police Commissioner could
adapt the idea and rig up a contrap
tion to catch the two-legged grafters
on the force. Twonty-four would be
a fine haul, thinks Mr. Whitman,
who is angling for big fish in the
local aquarium of crookedness.
TE8T EGGS BY X-RAY.
So that the people won't be fooled,
a group of poultry raisers that deliv
ers 200,000 erjgs a week to London
dealers tests the freshness of its
product by the Roentgen ray. The
egg is placed in a box, and if it is
the kind you have to pay 75 cents
a dozen for here in December it is
perfectly transparent under the ray.
But if it isn't absolutely fresh little
spots show, and when the exceed a
a certain size they indicate tiat the
eggs are not edible.
VELVET FOR M. POINCARB.
Besides the $240,000 that the
French will hand over to him each
year, President Poinacre will gei
vegetables for his table from the
gardens at Versailles, game from
the state forests and fruit from the
orchards of Pontainebleau, all free
of charge. Some difference between
his pay and the little $75,000 that
Professor Woodrow Wilson will be
gin drawing to-day!
OUGHT TO BE INVESTIGATED.
The Casino at Monte Carlo makes
a profit of $5,000,000 a year, and
there hasn't been a graft probo there
to see who is getting the police hush
money for years. Mr. Whitman
should take a trip there on his vaca
tion after he Las purged the New
York force. Might be something
Man named Horvath is suing a
tailor for 110,000 damages because
the tailor circulated a. photograph
showing him in police uniform.
Some men have made more than
the sum sued for in a few months
"! A. B
THE KING OF ALL BOTTLED BEERS
Itlaui Wine & Liquor Co-, Ltd.
by appearing in the same uniform.
If battleships were little creeks
And rivers of the nation,
There'd be a rush to see they had
A big appropriation.
One dreadnought's all we get this
"Economy" is the reason,
But lots of "pork" for streams that
Work in the summer season.
S. P- C. A. had to pay $50 for
ending the life of a cat. Lucky it
did not have to pay $450 at the
rate of $50 per life.
"Nellie Bly" has discovered that
it takes more time to go around the
courts than it does to go around the
FAITH IN HAKKI.
Hope is expressed in Europe that
Ilakki rasha will succeed in getting
Turkey eut of the Hanky Panky
POLICE AGRICULTURAL NOTE8.
There will be less grafting this
spring than usual.
Untrimmed beats ire being rapid
Leaks are growing larger.
Many new turn ups are expected.
Not so many 18-karata being dealt
Plums are scarcer.
Subway contracts will probably
not be signed with a Gould pen.
SOLDER AND GOLD.
Plumbers' certificate graft, $86,
000. If this charge is true, Schwa-
ger certainly enjoyed a lead-pipe
The Ship Trust owns the oceans wide,
To it we all must pay our fare
The land is owned by other trusts,
And now we find Wrights own
Poor old Castro I Once a revolu
tionary top liner, and now the Pre
sident of Venezuela says that he is
not even worth watching. Might
be if he joined a "movie" company
The Packard Motor Car Company
states that it now has on its books
a greater volume of new business
than ever before. Unfilled orders
aggregate to day more than $5,000,
These orders are for vehicles not
merely sold to dealers but to cus
The Packard Comnany has two
new sixcylinder models a "38" and
a"48,"both of which have left drive
with electric self starter and cen
tralized control board. Inquiry
letters sent out to all purchasers of
left drive Packards have failed to
brine? one renlv unfavorable to left
The Pipe of
It Becomes a Pipe of
hy CLARISSA MACKIE
"Never," snld Arlnna "Willis emphat
ically; "never will I marry a mnn who
smokes a pipe!"
Phllo StnndlBh opened his mouth In
such wide astonishment that the clny
pipe which had been the object of
Arlnnn's pointed remark dropped to
the ground, whore it wns shattered
against a stone.
"Sho!" ejaculated Thilo vexedly as
he stooped and picked up he smoking
bowl. "That's the fourth pipe I've
broken this week." lie knocked the
bowl on the fence rail and looked
darkly at Ariana's blooming trium
"You made me drop that pipe, Ari-
ana Willis! Confound it all, can't you
wlmmen give a mnn any peace?"
The smile faded from Ariana's face
and left it anxious but unrelenting In
its Judgment. "You know, I'hilo
Stnndlsh, that I've Joined the AVomen'8
Home Protective league, and we are
all pledged to break every tobacco
pipe we can lay hands on nnd if
we're married we've got to make our
husbands stop smoking, and If we're
not married" She paused and blush
ed. She was engaged to be married to
If you ain't married?" demanded
Phllo, with a threat in his usually
Why, we promise not to marry a
man who smokes!"
Phllo drew a deep breath and looked
her straight in the eyes.
And you ain't going to marry me
because I smoke?"
"Not unless you give up smoking,"
was Ariana's firm answer.
"Then," said Thllo Impressively, "yon
stand a good chance of dying an old
THE PIPE PBOPPP.D CXTTM8ILY FROM
maid, Ariana Willis. 1 wish you good
day. I'm going down to Hyman's to
get another pipe."
"The mean thing!" half sobbed Ari
ana as sho turned about and went back
home. She hud been on her way to
tb weekly meeting of the Women's
Home Protective league when sho had
een Phllo Standish leaning over the
rail fence that bounded his wheat field.
Then came the bitter thought that
she must confoss by her broken en
gagement that Phllo did not love her
enough to yield to her pleadings.
There remained an entire week, how
ever, before the next meeting of the
league took place, and in that time sho
hoped to be able to convince Thilo
Standish that his happiness as well as
her own depended upon his yielding to
this request. She would spenk tc
Phllo when ho called on Sunday night.
Thllo didn't call on Sunday night.
Ariana tossed her head and said sho
didn't care, but that didn't prevent her
from shedding tears on her milled pil
lowcase. The following Tuesday she
went to the meeting of the nomo Pro
tective league and heard some aston
"Well, Ariana Willis, we were Just
talking about you!" cried Mrs. Free
man Pike, fho president of the league
"We wondered If you'd heard the news.
But you must have!"
Conscious of twenty pairs of curlom
eyes fixed upon her, Ariana braced
herself to hear something dlsagreeuble.
"What news?" she asked, with as
sumed nonchalance, as she slipped out
of her cloak and laid it on the square
"About what the men are doing?"
"We thought you'd know!"
"Seeing that Thilo Standish got
"Whotever put it into his head?"
They paused for breath, and the color
came back to Ariana's startled face.
"X could answer your questions bet
ter if you'd tell me what you're all talk
ing about," she remarked rather tartly
as she sat down and took out some
looked at their president. Mrs. Free -
man I'!!;e shrilled her shoulders and
iniille 1 r:ither wryly,
"it seems the men folks have got up
j a league of their own," she admitted
J "Hut women don't smoke," protested
I the bewildered Ariana.
j "It isn't a smoking league it's an
ontl-possip league! Mrs. rike leaned
back In her chair and looked at Ariana.
"Phllo Standish got it up."
"What's it for?" Ariana's voice
sounded very small indeed.
"For the protection of men folks
from women's gossip and unnecessary
chatter," snld Mrs. Pike.
"What have they said about it?" ask.
d Ariiiua. She lived with a widowed
mother, and there were no men in the
Willis family to bring home news of
"Why, they all promise not to marry
my woman who gossips about her
"What are we to talk about, then?"
demanded Mrs. Lemuel Skinner impa
tiently. She was an arrant gossip.
"Oh. household mntters and things
like that!" laughed Mrs. Freeman like,
who wns a widow.
"And exchange cake recipes," sniffed
"And tell each other we've each got
the best nnd kindest husband in the
world," Hneered the pretty girl near the
"Ann IUnke!" chided the girl's moth
er. "What are you talking about hus
bnnds for? Yon ain't got any!"
"And not likely to have!" retorted
Ann with sudden spirit, and, being near
the door, it was easy for her to slip
out Into the hull and make her escape
from the lumso.
The remaining leaguers exchanged
glances of commiseration with Mrs.
P. lake. "She'll get over It. Mrs.
ltlnke." comforted Mrs. Freeman Tike.
"She wouldn't never be happy with
Benny Ilall so long as he smoked ci
garettes. If he wouldn't give 'em up
for a sweet, pretty girl like Ann there
ain't no hope for him."
Mrs. Rlake moved uneasily in her
comfortable rocker. "I don't know."
fhe said slowly. "Otherwise Benny's
n nice boy and works Industriously.
He told Ann he Just smoked 'em be
cause they was sort of stylish. lie
said he'd stick to cigars or a pipe If
she'd only marry him."
A murmur of disapproval went
through the room.
"It says 'tobneco In any form,"
quoted Mrs. Pike, referring to the pur
pose of the league.
Meantime Ariana had been thinking
"It's a great cause," she said meek
ly, "and we ought to be willing to suf
fer for It, only I hope that deserting
the men In this way won't result la
their going right straight to the bad."
There was stunned silence in the
"I never thought of that!"
"A man's got to have a woman's
"She cm do more in a quiet way
than to desert him nnd keep him riled
up. Iomuel's hardly spoken to me for
"Mr. Blake hos been so disagreeable
nil the week that the children declared
there wnrn't any peace at home any
more along with my belonging to the
Homo Protective league and their pa
Jolnl'ig the Antl-gosslp society." com
plained Ann's mother.
'Teems to mo If we're golnn to have
a Home Protective society It's poor
policy to lieeln by breaking up homes
nnd estronsing fomilies." ventured
"There's some truth In that. Ariana."
nodded Mrs. Pllie. "Of course men
folks nro hard to change. They're set
In their ways, but I've got some Ideas
that might work out Suppose we get
our sons to promise not to beglu to
smoke until they're twenty-one. Like
ns not by that time some of 'em won't
want to. And we might spend our ef
forts In having a social club to meet
around at different houses once a week
nnd let men. women nnd children Join
In and have a good time. And I guess
that'll promote good feeling all around
and kind of protect the homes"
"And shut off that Anti-gossip socle'
ty," put In Mrs. Lemuel Skinner so
energetically thnt everybody laughed
"Slmll we do it?" nsked Mrs. Free
man Pike, looking around at the inter
"Let's!" wns the unanimous decision.
Late thnt afternoon Ariana Willis
went homo by the road that led past
riii'.o Stnmllsh's wheat field. In her
hand she carried n smnll parcel wrap
ped In white pnper. Her face was first
Hushed and then pale with inner ex
Pl.ilo saw her coming and happened
to be near the fence. He was smoking
hnlf henrtedly at the clay pipe and
took pains to relight it as Ariana ap
proached. To his surprise, she came
straight to the fence and called him,
"Phllo!" she called softly.
lie turned instantly, and his hand
must have been shaking, for the pipe
dropped clumsily from his fingers and
was shattered on the same stone that
h:d witnessed the breaking of another
"Whnt is It. Ariana?" he asked, ig
noring the incident.
Ariana held out the little package.
"I'm glad you broke your clay pipe,
Phllo. I've brought you a nlce.newone.'
Phllo reached both hands and drew
Ariana close to the fence. He put the
plpo in his pocket and spoke tenderly,
"Thank you, dear. I've thought may
be you'd compromise oa letting me
smoke once a day and"
"No, no!" cried Ariana.
'Td like to fwl I was doing it for
you, Ariana. Io you know that tool
lsh lenguo I organized has busted up."
"When?" demanded Ariana.
This very instant." declared Phllo
1 us he kissed her on the Hps.
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A letter addressed to us will
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