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TITT'i GARDEN ISLAND, TUESDAY, FKniMTAltY 2S, 1022
American Legion Section
turn caamm'nirminaaEgi gTjy,:iTr""
Oh, don't you remember sweet Alys,
The chicken we met at Bordeaux!
In the days ol la guerro and the
When wo all were a part of the
Oh, we're back with the gang now
In civvies, Ben Bolt,
And the war's been forgottc n,
0 But my mind wanders back to sweet
And I wonder who's kissing her
(She was a sweetheart nnd pal and
a peach of a gal)
But I wonder who's kissing hor
(By Lewis Howard in Tho Ameri
can Legion Weekly.)
All of which means nothing to us
Louie since we did not fight the
Battle of Bordeaux, but if you were
versifying about Madelalne of that
little patisserie Just around the cor
ner from Cafe do la Gare in Charlons-sur-Marne
we agree with your sen-
tin.jnts and considerably more might
be said at that.
ARE YOU GOING TO FRANCE?
Of course you swore a million
times that you were fed up on
France and if you could ever get
on the west Bide of the Statue of
Liberty again you would be sure to
stay there. Things look different
now and there is an idea getting
more persistent every day that you
would like to take a trip back to
see if they are all still true to yoj.
Your French was put away with your
Other impedimenta and the chances
are that it Is a bit rusty by this
time. Do not fail to realize how
handicapped you will be on your
trip if you are unable to parley-voo.
It is true that you got by with very
little when you were over there
but things will be different this
time. The following true story ser
ves to illustrate what can happen
l one without a knowledge of the
' language of a country.
An American, who could not han
dle the language, and his wife who
could talk It as fluently as he could
hoist highballs were shopping one
day In Paris. They entered one of
those shops on the Rue de la Paix
to buy a gown for Madame, the
wife. A gown was found that was
suitable in color and material but
Monsieur, the husband objected to
the style. Madame, the proprietress,
ssured Monsieur, the husband, in
English that it would be altered to
suit him, then turning to Madame,
the wife, she said In French: "Pay
no attention to that pauvre poisson
1 shall fix as you want it."- Observe
what they put over' on hubby.
Realizing the difficulties you
would encounter without a know
ledge of French the editor of this
section has, In collaboration with
the seat of learning of Kauai com
piled a short course in French:
French As It Is Spoken.
Rule 1. If you don't know ih'i
French word say the -American word
but pronounce it In a way that
you can't recognise It yourself.
N'nety times out of a hundred thi;j
given you the word you want.
Example: For impossible, say am-PiR-see-buble.
for c.veFtion, sav kess-tee-yo-'g.
Tho ii iter of wonls thus bi-ns:
settled U in then ri ly necessaiy t'i
put ttntm together in the pvip r
way. jvnli'h is covered by Rule :'.
Rule 2. Construct your sentence
In such a way that anyone back
home would think you were a nut.
For "I am going to lunch."
Say "I myself am going to take
myself to lunch."
For "I do not know."
ay "I not do not know."
'or "You gave It to me."
Say "You it to me give."
These two rules will carry you
along splendidly but for those who
prefer ready made conversation we
have compiled the following which
will cover 75 of the conversation
needed by Americans in France. In
order to show exactly when to use
these phrases the following Is a
typical day for you over there. You
are spending your first day in Par
Is seeing the sights and being thril
lr with the spirltuelo beauty of
la belle Paree,
It Is morning between 10 and 11.
You enter a cafe. You repose your
self on a chair. You clapp your hands
vigorously together and when tho
waiter himself "approaches towards
you, say In a loud voice:
"Garsong, une beer."
At five minute intervals until 11
o'clock call loudly in tho direction
of the waiter:
At 11 o'clock you rise yourself
fTom the chair and say to the waiter:
"Garsong, the addition." (Apply
Rule 1) This means you want your
bill and does not refer to the ma
thematics used in getting It. The
calculation are: First it is added up
then increased by. 10 to cover
war tax, then 10 of the4 total to
cover tax on luxuries, then the
waiter doubles the whole sum. That
Is only 50 cents in real money and
Is fair enough for twelve beers.
Take yourself out onto the Btreet.
Walk yourself along the street.
It is eleven-fifteen. Enter a cafe.
Repose yourself on a chair. Clapp
your hand vigorously and when the
water approaches himself toward
you, you say:
"Garsong, a cognac."
At 11:30 and 11:45 you say:
"Encoro. But not of tenor than that
because this stuff has quite a kick
At five minutes to 12 you leave
out of the cafe and walk yourself
along the street. You pass and ad
mire the beauties (statues nnd build
ings) along the boulevard.
It is 12 o'clock. You enter your
self into a restaurant. Reposing
yourself in a chair you say to the
waiter: "Whlskee-soda." When he
has brought this to you, take up
the menu card and roughly esti
mate how long it is; say it Is ten
inches long, then starting at the top
point of the first line, skipping
about two inches down point to
that line and so on down the card.
The waiter will be looking over
your shoulder writing down these
items as you point to them. This
is called the "pointing rule." Never
fail to follow it as it will Invariably
give you a well balanced French
meal. After the first course, say
to the waiter: "A bottle of Barsac."
After the third course say, "A bot
tle of van rouge (rouge Is pronounc
ed the sama as that Btuft you wipe
off your lips after visiting your best
girl) When the coffee you will dis
cover that It Is made from cocoa
nut husks, which fact they have at
tempted to disguise by roasting un
til . charred. You will now be able
to drink it as It stands and you
should say to the waiter, "Caffay
o rum." He'll go out and get a bot
tle of wood alcohol and stick a big
slug of It in your coffee. The two
offset each other and you will be
able to get It down. If by any chance
you have been so unlucky as to
point to limberger cheese the thing
to do is to order another bottle of
wine and after drinking it you
should be in good condition to eat
the cheese. The last thing to order
is liquer. When thlB has been put
in the proper place, pay your bill
and take yourself out of the res
taurant. Walk yourself along the
street. You pass and admire the
beauties (statues and buildings) a
long the boulevard. You buy a La
Vie Parisenne. That's a magazine
that is conspicuously displayed at
all newsstands. You won't be able
to road it but the pictures are well
worth looking at. With this under
your arm you saunter back to your
It is 2 o'clock in tho afternoon
and you compose yourself comfort
ably in a chair before the window
of the bed room. You see a sight
seeing trip of the morning has fa
tigued you and you nod until din
It Is 6 o'clock. You are at a table
in a restaurant. You order Grog
Americalne. The dinner will pro
ceed in the same manner as lunch
with the following exceptions. You
use the "pointing rule" to orde'r
your meal but do not point to any
thing on the back of the menucard.
That can't be served because it is
what the orchestra Is playing. After
each course order a bottle of cham
pagne. After your meal order an
absinthe. Caution: drink very slow
ly and do not brink a lighted match
near your breath otherwise an ex
plosion Is likely to occur.
The conversation you will need
the next morning will be "Ice wat
er," but that can't be said in
Be careful of your manners while
in France. Nothing will brand you
as a vulgar American' quicker than
asking at 'the hotel for a room with
bath, or arranging for a bath on
any other day except Saturday.
My collaborator and I have gone
carefully over this course and are
sure that it will handle 75 of the
conversation you need, however if
you wish to bring tho percentage
tip to !t.ri you only have to learn
this sentence: "Madamoiselle vou
lez vous promenade avec moi?"
"Combination shot," murmured
the lady cue artist as she leaned
too far over the billiard table.
They told me that Marjorie was
Has Big Session
(Continued from page one)
Mr. Sloggett said that Chirman Rath
of Honolulu wrote congratulating
Kauai for her successful efforts and
saying that if other parts of the
territory do as well proportionally
a sufficiently large number of nam
es will be secured.
J. H. Moragne, of tho roads com
mittee reported that a good road is
being built from tho Lihue hospital
to Ahukini so that it will soon be
possible for cars to carry people in
any kind of weather directly to tho
wharf at Ahukini so that they can
walk directly onto the boats from
W. II. Rice, Jr., of the Hawaiian
promotion committee, reported that
tho number of tourists had not been
as great during the past year as
had been 'expected but that prospects
for a large number this year are
Inter Island Schedule.
K. C. Hopper called the chanir
ber's attention to the fact that un
der the present schedule of Inter
Island steamers we have no boat
that connects with tho outgoing
coast steamers and ho suggested
that steps be taken towards the
correction of this fault. E. F. Wood
said that under the present system
it is almost impossible for Kauai
people to send to Honolulu for ar
ticles and get thorn back the same
week. The connections in town are
L. D. Larsen made a motion that
the Inter-Jsland Steam Navigation
Co. be requested to arrange for a
steamer leaving Kauai on Tuesdays
so thut connection can be made
with coast boats. Seconded by A. D.
The meeting adjourned shortly af
ter 8 o'clock. Many people expressed
satisfaction over the new schedule
of meetings, stating that it is now
possible for many more members
to attend than under the old plan.
DROPS DEAD FROM
John W. Cathcart, veteran attor
ney, of Honolulu, dropped dead
from heart failure at his home, on
Pacific Heights, last Wednesday. Mr.
Cathart had been assisting the
prosecution in the Jap
anese conspiracy case now on trial
before Judge J. J. Banks, when he
was compelled to take to his bed
Buffering from an attack of pleur
isy. Friday, however, he appeared
to be very much improved. He had
been on his feet most of the day
and had gone into the bathroom to
shave when he was stricken.
Mr. Cathcart was to have succeed
ed Judge Horace W. Vaughan as
first federal judge. Tho fifth circuit
court adjourned Friday and tho flag
over the county building was placed
at half mast out of respect to him.
an old fashioned girl, but I didn't
believe them. I watched the way she
danced. Nothing doing! I looked her
over her shoes, her hose, her dress,
her make-up, her hair. Nothing do
ing! I listened to her line. It had
a day-after-tomorrow ring in It. But
one day she sat down, and I saw
the edge of a petticoat.
Yes, they are right!
Marjorie was an old fashioned
girl. Iowa Frivol.
She (just back from Paris) I
can't go to this dance tonight, my
trunks haven't arrived.
He Good lord, what kind of a
dance do yon think this is going to
IT HAPPENED ON KAUAI
During tho past week we learned
the commander of tho American Le
gion, Kaul Post No. 2 was ill. We
at once wrote an account of his life
up to the present, touching on his
sterling qualities and pointing out
how necessary he was to our com
munity, ending by stating that we
hoped he soon would recover. (That
last was to protect us against the
possibility of having to 4write an ob
ituary notice; they're so hard to
do). Today the commander came
Into our office and informed us that
he was not sick and had not been,
therefore, we have on hand one
brilliantly written article on a sick
man. We will be glad to use it on
any Legionairo who is sick. Send
In your name promptly.
Hostess (serving guest) Miss X,
you must havo some of these car
rots. They are splendid for the com
Miss X It's easier to buy it at
the drug store.
Since last going to press one of
our comrades had his car wrecked
to the extent of about $50. No, he
was not driving at tho timo. Ah,
forgot it! Can't a fallow let some
body else drive his car, especially
if they are really good pals.
T X THEN renewal time
V V comes, equip your car
with Vacuum Cup Fabric or
Cord Tires and forget the
dangers of "skiddy" pavements.
Forget also the disappointing
mileage averages other tires may
have given you. Buy Vacuum
Cup Tires you pay only for
the quality the safety costs
C. B. HOFGAARD & CO., Lid.. Agents, WA1MEA
CANDY CANDY CANDY
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and have just received
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1MMMT iin.l NUT CHOCOLATES
SWEET MEAT CHOCOLATES
NEW MILK CHOCOLATES
Tlil'E mi! IT CHOCOLATES
KAIXISOW MIXED, 10 uz. Jars
CAl'AMEL XOCOAT CHOCOLATES
SAT IX FIXISIl MIXED 20 oz. Jars
SAT1X ri N1S1I MIXED, 10 .. .Tars
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LIHUE STORE !
r.-q -ir n, .TlL7k::i.:3.
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