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TIIE GARDEN ISLAND, TUESDAY, MARcn 1 1, 1022
AMERICAN LEGION SECTION
REGULAR MONTHLY MEETING
The March meeting of the Am
erican Legion , Kauat Tost No. 2,
was held in the county building on
last Saturday night. The adjutant
had previously prepared an S. R. O.
sign but he hid no occasion to use
it at tho meeting. Aside ffom burn
ing a lot of good tobacco, consid
erable miRiness was accomplished.
Tho slogan this year seems to
be: "We want a homo," and at each
meeting we find ourselves a little
nearer to the goal. According to the
commander tho prospect looks
brighter now than ever.
The Kauai post is going to put a
little jolt of high life into the com
munity on April 22nd in the form
of a "Night in the Orient" ball. It
is to be under the direction of Frank
Timberlake. The ball is to be pre
ceded by a pageant which is being
arranged by Jimmy Bodrero and Is
therefore bound to be good, wo
should say, clever; just how good
it is going to be depends on how
much pressure is brought to bear
on Jimmy. During the discussion
of the plans the question came up
about what would be appropriate
costumes for a Night in the Orient
ball. A night in the orient, particu
larly if it were a warm night,
brings to one's mind costumes that
might well, you know. Anyway, it
was decided that no restrictions
should be made that might hamper
the creative imagination of any
costume designer or overwork the
imagination of the spectators oth
er than a costume must weigh ten
ounces, not including shoes.
She Don't you think that Myrtle
looks ugly in that ultra low-cut
He Not as far as I can see. Jes
ter. "And right . in the middle of the
floor she began to shake "
"No, the shimmie," Tiger.
He Let's kiss and make up.
She If you are careful I won't
have to. Gargoyle.
FOCH SENDS WORD TO
Brigadier Gen. Henry J. Reilly,
U. S. A., retired, editor of The Army
and Navy Jaurnal, returned from a
trip to France on the French liner
Paris, bringing a message from Mar
shal Koch, which read:
"Tell the Legion for me that I
shall never forget my trip to Am
erica and the great pleasure of
meeting, through their courtesy and
effort, tho great, young and vigor
ous American people.
"I am quite sure that just as in
the past the members of the Legion
showed their appreciation of tho re
sponsibilities of citizenship, by bear
ing arms against the enemies of
their country, they will in the future
set a high example of patriotism
and courage in all questions affect
ing the United Slates. They will al
ways have my best wishes and re
spect." New York Times.
I've completely recovered, surprising
From that love that I fell in a
short time ago;
It's such a relief to eat threo meals
But I wouldn't have missed it for
for anything though!
An Unfounded Rumor
Considerable anxiety has been re
cently felt on Kauai due to the
rumor that James Corstorphine was
suffering from writers' cromp caus
ed by having to make out so many
receipts for membership dues of the
American Legion Kauai Post No. 2.
On being Interviewed by the editor
of this section, he stated that the
rumor was unfounded, that he was
not suffering front writers' cramp
and furthermore that he had on hand
receipts made out for all the mem
bers of the Legion who are now de
linquent. He is very anxious to get
these off his hand this month be
cause after April 1st he is going
to be very busyevery Sunday morn
ing halting the pill around the sand
dunes of Walpoli. Come on, kick In.
LEGION AUXILIARY JS
URGED BY SUMMERALL
TO REMAIN INTACT
KAUAI AT YALE
A great future for the Abmerlcan
Legion Auxiliary was foretold by
Maj. Gen. Charles P. Summerall
when he addressed the Auxiliary at
its monthly meeting yesterilay af
ternoon at the quarters of General
and Mrs. Summerall at Fort Shatter.
"The greatest inheritance of the
war is of a spiritual nature and is
expressed by the women of America
and the women of the Legion Aux
iliary," said General Summerall "it
is the part of these women to pre
serve this inheritance and to re
main organized for future needs."
An interesting report from the
welfare committee showed that the
auxiliary is meeting all transports
from Manila, providing entertain
incut and refreshments for convnls
cent soldiers. Automobile trips thru
the city are today being given to 25
soldiers and sailors on the Sherman.
Patients too ill to leave the ship are
visited by auxiliary members.
The entertainment committee of
the uuxiliary is active in furnish
ing home parties every SaWirday
night, when some member entertains
a group of service men. Following
the meeting yesterday the auxili
ary witnessed a review by a detach
ments of the anti-aircraft force.
As she stiffled a yawn, she asked
sweetly: "Is your watch going,
"Yep," answered George.
"How soon?" Bunch Bowl.
LARDNER'S 1922 RULES FOR WAR
(By Ring W. Lardner)
To the Editor:
Maybe some of my readers will
recall how the writer was sent to
Washington early in November to
see that the boys got a good start
in their disarmament conference,
which begun down there about that
time and I hung around there about
a wk. and everything looked cherry
and bright and it looked like the
boys was in earnest and didn't need
nobody to watch them so I came
home and left them to their own de
vises. Well it is beginning to look
as if I came home too soon.
As I undedrstood it at the time,
the reasons for all the nations get
ting together was to see if maybe
they wasn't someway to fix bo
as we wouldn't have no more war
or at least lesson the danger of
having same. And that is what the
boyB started out to do, but in the
last few wks., as near as I can make
out they been devoting their tension
to preparing for another war and
what laws is going to govern con
duct of same and you .would pretty
near think it was the annual meet
ing of the intercollegiate rules com
mittee to discuss changes for next
Like for Inst. Asst. Coach Root
of the U. S. team has made 2 sug
gestions which it looks like they
would both be adopted namely:
(1) that submarines musn't at
tack nothing but warships, and
(2) that they can't no nation from
now on use poison gas.
.These has been agreed on by the
other members and are suggestions
w'hich meets with gen. approval
throughout the civilized world. But
how are you going to enforce same
is another question. According to
Mr. Root's dope the submarine that
shoots at a merchant ship will be
looked on as a pirate and the na
tion that uses poison gus Is a dirty
outlaw. But the people that done
both of them things in the last
war was called u whole lot worse
names than that and never batted
Penalties to Fit Crimes,
What the boys needs first of all
is suitable penaltys for violations
of the rules both new and old and
secondly they need somebody to
see that the same is carried out and
if I was running the meeting down
In Washington I would appoint Tiny
Maxwell and Walter Eckersali and
W. G. Crowell and Toni Thorp, Har
ry Heneage and etc. and assign them
to the next war and leave some of
them set In a boat out in the ocean
and handle the navy game while
the others officiates in No Man's
Land and I would tell them to see
that the rules was lived up to and
would give them a handy book of
same with the new rules listed sep
arate like as follows:
No submarine shall shoot at any
ship other than a warship belong
ing to a opponent.
Submarine must come up 5 yards
closer to the surface.
Neither side shall use poison gas.
Loss of 1-2 the distance to the
No regiment shall replaco- anoth
er with the regiment thus substi
tuting first reporting to tho referee.
For not reporting Loss of 5 yards.
From a recent letter written by
Homer Lydgate at Yale, we extract
the following description of a trip
to Mercersburg, Pennsylvania, on a
"We left New Haven Friday night
at 7 o'clock and took the 10:45 train
from New York to Harrlsburg, ar
riving there at 7 o'clock in the
norning. We then transferred to a
little one-horse train and rode thru
the Cumberland valley, which was
a huge disappointment, for the
country isn't half as pretty as the
name would seem to indicate, reach
ing Mercersburg ut 11 o'clock.
There was a big delegation nt tho
train to meet us We were .s.; rte(!
to the dining hall, where we had
lunch. Tho town itsslf was like hi.
many w saw in Pennsylvania, di
lapidated and dirty, with a crow.l
of bums around the ice cream standi .
The college was pretty enough, but
the fellows were mostly "hicks"
with hayseed still in their hnir. I
don't mind an intelligent country
hick, but these Pennsylvania Dutch
had the open-mouthed stare an.l
blank expression that marks thos.
mentally absent. However, . they
treated us very courteously and wo
have no kick coming about their
The meet was over by 3 o'clock,
so we caught the 3:15 to HarriK
burg and took a sleeper there, ar
riving this morning at 5:30 in New
Haven. I was pretty much fagged
after all the excitement and vowed
that I would make up for lost sleep
on the way back,' but no such luck
Some little kid started to cry about
2 o'clock and kept it up till we hit
j New Haven. When the kid wasn't
crying the fond mother cntertain
j ed the now thoroughly awakened
i crowd by telling us that he was usu
ally a perfect darling and seldom
I cried; but she couldn't fool us, we
: could tell that he was the kind thai
liked to cry for the fun of it.
Homer is doing uncommonly well
I at Yae. His latest grade average Is
I fil qq fifraltmt tlio ppnprnl rlnna Av
erage Of 70.
The Hele Loa club meets this
evening for another Hawaiian Even
ing at the home of Mr. and Mrs. J.
I The subject of the evening will
I be the story of the "Life and Times
I of Kaumu, the Last King of Kauai."
presented . by Mr. Lydgate, who has
made a careful study of the subject
from original sources, extending ov
er a number of years.
with old regiment before reporting
to the referee, loss of 15 yards.
Gunners must all be behind the
gun when gun is fired.
The gun shall be fired off again
from a point 5 yards farther away
from whatever they was shooting
No soldier of the side which is
going over the top shall be in mo
tion towards the opponent's trenches
before the signal is given.
Loss of 5 yards from the point at
which' he started.
They shall be no coaching either
by generals or other persons not
participating in tho action.
Loss of 15 yards by the side
for whose supposed benefit the of
fense was committed. The offender
shall be excluded from the neigh
borhood of tho field of battle for
the remainder of tho war.
Nobody shall attempt to crawl af
ter they have been shot down.
Loss of 5 yards.
In case of accident to a partici
pant, ono representative of his ar
my may, if he has first obtained
the consent of the officials, come on
to the field of battle to tend the
injured man. This representative
need not always be the same per
son. Rule XXVIII
No person not taking part shall
be allowed to walk up and down
No Man's Land.
Loss of both legs.
Upon one nation declaring war
on another, the other nation must
be ready to fight within 2 months
after receiving said declaration of
Forfeiture of the war.
San Francisco Examiner.
Under the heading of '"Gas Over-1
takes Girl White Taking a Bath," j
tho following appears in a mainland !
"Miss Cecelia M. Jones owes her 1
life to the watchfulness of Joel
Colly, elevator boy and Rufus Col-.
Tip Top Theatre
who looked Death mMfnWsi'
lathe eve time and fiMp IM
again to save one Mmk
sfe loved from the
vengeance of the lau
A Story of Love and vfeS
Romance and Adventure-
From the (ln Weekly S1
"black Reach" by Qalph
m SATURDAY Sl
' wV Reserved Seats on Sale at the Lihue Store I
David Powell in the Paramount Picture
Wm. Fox presents Hampton Del Ruth's
Hippodromic Comedy Special
SATURDAY, MARCH 25
NITA NALDI as "Temptation"
RICHARD BARTHELMESS as "Youth"
in the Paramount Production
For new regiment communicating
I ley, Janitor." Ghost. j