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TIIE GARDEN ISLAND, TUESDAY, MARcn 1 1, 1022 AMERICAN LEGION SECTION 1 3iiHtiiHiiH)nniin;ppirmi;if REGULAR MONTHLY MEETING The March meeting of the Am erican Legion , Kauat Tost No. 2, was held in the county building on last Saturday night. The adjutant had previously prepared an S. R. O. sign but he hid no occasion to use it at tho meeting. Aside ffom burn ing a lot of good tobacco, consid erable miRiness was accomplished. Tho slogan this year seems to be: "We want a homo," and at each meeting we find ourselves a little nearer to the goal. According to the commander tho prospect looks brighter now than ever. The Kauai post is going to put a little jolt of high life into the com munity on April 22nd in the form of a "Night in the Orient" ball. It is to be under the direction of Frank Timberlake. The ball is to be pre ceded by a pageant which is being arranged by Jimmy Bodrero and Is therefore bound to be good, wo should say, clever; just how good it is going to be depends on how much pressure is brought to bear on Jimmy. During the discussion of the plans the question came up about what would be appropriate costumes for a Night in the Orient ball. A night in the orient, particu larly if it were a warm night, brings to one's mind costumes that might well, you know. Anyway, it was decided that no restrictions should be made that might hamper the creative imagination of any costume designer or overwork the imagination of the spectators oth er than a costume must weigh ten ounces, not including shoes. She Don't you think that Myrtle looks ugly in that ultra low-cut dress? He Not as far as I can see. Jes ter. "And right . in the middle of the floor she began to shake " "The hussy!" "No, the shimmie," Tiger. He Let's kiss and make up. She If you are careful I won't have to. Gargoyle. - FOCH SENDS WORD TO AMERICAN LEGION Brigadier Gen. Henry J. Reilly, U. S. A., retired, editor of The Army and Navy Jaurnal, returned from a trip to France on the French liner Paris, bringing a message from Mar shal Koch, which read: "Tell the Legion for me that I shall never forget my trip to Am erica and the great pleasure of meeting, through their courtesy and effort, tho great, young and vigor ous American people. "I am quite sure that just as in the past the members of the Legion showed their appreciation of tho re sponsibilities of citizenship, by bear ing arms against the enemies of their country, they will in the future set a high example of patriotism and courage in all questions affect ing the United Slates. They will al ways have my best wishes and re spect." New York Times. 4, It's True I've completely recovered, surprising to say, From that love that I fell in a short time ago; It's such a relief to eat threo meals a day, But I wouldn't have missed it for for anything though! Contributed. An Unfounded Rumor Considerable anxiety has been re cently felt on Kauai due to the rumor that James Corstorphine was suffering from writers' cromp caus ed by having to make out so many receipts for membership dues of the American Legion Kauai Post No. 2. On being Interviewed by the editor of this section, he stated that the rumor was unfounded, that he was not suffering front writers' cramp and furthermore that he had on hand receipts made out for all the mem bers of the Legion who are now de linquent. He is very anxious to get these off his hand this month be cause after April 1st he is going to be very busyevery Sunday morn ing halting the pill around the sand dunes of Walpoli. Come on, kick In. LEGION AUXILIARY JS URGED BY SUMMERALL TO REMAIN INTACT KAUAI AT YALE A great future for the Abmerlcan Legion Auxiliary was foretold by Maj. Gen. Charles P. Summerall when he addressed the Auxiliary at its monthly meeting yesterilay af ternoon at the quarters of General and Mrs. Summerall at Fort Shatter. "The greatest inheritance of the war is of a spiritual nature and is expressed by the women of America and the women of the Legion Aux iliary," said General Summerall "it is the part of these women to pre serve this inheritance and to re main organized for future needs." An interesting report from the welfare committee showed that the auxiliary is meeting all transports from Manila, providing entertain incut and refreshments for convnls cent soldiers. Automobile trips thru the city are today being given to 25 soldiers and sailors on the Sherman. Patients too ill to leave the ship are visited by auxiliary members. The entertainment committee of the uuxiliary is active in furnish ing home parties every SaWirday night, when some member entertains a group of service men. Following the meeting yesterday the auxili ary witnessed a review by a detach ments of the anti-aircraft force. Honolulu Star-Bulletin. As she stiffled a yawn, she asked sweetly: "Is your watch going, George?" "Yep," answered George. "How soon?" Bunch Bowl. LARDNER'S 1922 RULES FOR WAR (By Ring W. Lardner) To the Editor: Maybe some of my readers will recall how the writer was sent to Washington early in November to see that the boys got a good start in their disarmament conference, which begun down there about that time and I hung around there about a wk. and everything looked cherry and bright and it looked like the boys was in earnest and didn't need nobody to watch them so I came home and left them to their own de vises. Well it is beginning to look as if I came home too soon. As I undedrstood it at the time, the reasons for all the nations get ting together was to see if maybe they wasn't someway to fix bo as we wouldn't have no more war or at least lesson the danger of having same. And that is what the boyB started out to do, but in the last few wks., as near as I can make out they been devoting their tension to preparing for another war and what laws is going to govern con duct of same and you .would pretty near think it was the annual meet ing of the intercollegiate rules com mittee to discuss changes for next yr. Like for Inst. Asst. Coach Root of the U. S. team has made 2 sug gestions which it looks like they would both be adopted namely: (1) that submarines musn't at tack nothing but warships, and (2) that they can't no nation from now on use poison gas. .These has been agreed on by the other members and are suggestions w'hich meets with gen. approval throughout the civilized world. But how are you going to enforce same is another question. According to Mr. Root's dope the submarine that shoots at a merchant ship will be looked on as a pirate and the na tion that uses poison gus Is a dirty outlaw. But the people that done both of them things in the last war was called u whole lot worse names than that and never batted an eye. Penalties to Fit Crimes, What the boys needs first of all is suitable penaltys for violations of the rules both new and old and secondly they need somebody to see that the same is carried out and if I was running the meeting down In Washington I would appoint Tiny Maxwell and Walter Eckersali and W. G. Crowell and Toni Thorp, Har ry Heneage and etc. and assign them to the next war and leave some of them set In a boat out in the ocean and handle the navy game while the others officiates in No Man's Land and I would tell them to see that the rules was lived up to and would give them a handy book of same with the new rules listed sep arate like as follows: Rule XV. No submarine shall shoot at any ship other than a warship belong ing to a opponent. Penalty Submarine must come up 5 yards closer to the surface. Rule XVI Neither side shall use poison gas. Penalty Loss of 1-2 the distance to the goal. Rulo XVII No regiment shall replaco- anoth er with the regiment thus substi tuting first reporting to tho referee. Penalty For not reporting Loss of 5 yards. From a recent letter written by Homer Lydgate at Yale, we extract the following description of a trip to Mercersburg, Pennsylvania, on a swimming contest: "We left New Haven Friday night at 7 o'clock and took the 10:45 train from New York to Harrlsburg, ar riving there at 7 o'clock in the norning. We then transferred to a little one-horse train and rode thru the Cumberland valley, which was a huge disappointment, for the country isn't half as pretty as the name would seem to indicate, reach ing Mercersburg ut 11 o'clock. There was a big delegation nt tho train to meet us We were .s.; rte(! to the dining hall, where we had lunch. Tho town itsslf was like hi. many w saw in Pennsylvania, di lapidated and dirty, with a crow.l of bums around the ice cream standi . The college was pretty enough, but the fellows were mostly "hicks" with hayseed still in their hnir. I don't mind an intelligent country hick, but these Pennsylvania Dutch had the open-mouthed stare an.l blank expression that marks thos. mentally absent. However, . they treated us very courteously and wo have no kick coming about their behavior. The meet was over by 3 o'clock, so we caught the 3:15 to HarriK burg and took a sleeper there, ar riving this morning at 5:30 in New Haven. I was pretty much fagged after all the excitement and vowed that I would make up for lost sleep on the way back,' but no such luck Some little kid started to cry about 2 o'clock and kept it up till we hit j New Haven. When the kid wasn't crying the fond mother cntertain j ed the now thoroughly awakened i crowd by telling us that he was usu ally a perfect darling and seldom I cried; but she couldn't fool us, we : could tell that he was the kind thai liked to cry for the fun of it. Homer is doing uncommonly well I at Yae. His latest grade average Is I fil qq fifraltmt tlio ppnprnl rlnna Av erage Of 70. The Hele Loa club meets this evening for another Hawaiian Even ing at the home of Mr. and Mrs. J. M. Lydgate. I The subject of the evening will I be the story of the "Life and Times I of Kaumu, the Last King of Kauai." presented . by Mr. Lydgate, who has made a careful study of the subject from original sources, extending ov er a number of years. KA with old regiment before reporting to the referee, loss of 15 yards. Rule IX Gunners must all be behind the gun when gun is fired. Penalty The gun shall be fired off again from a point 5 yards farther away from whatever they was shooting at. Rule XXI No soldier of the side which is going over the top shall be in mo tion towards the opponent's trenches before the signal is given. Penalty Loss of 5 yards from the point at which' he started. Rulo XXV They shall be no coaching either by generals or other persons not participating in tho action. Penalty Loss of 15 yards by the side for whose supposed benefit the of fense was committed. The offender shall be excluded from the neigh borhood of tho field of battle for the remainder of tho war. Rule XXVI Nobody shall attempt to crawl af ter they have been shot down. Penalty Loss of 5 yards. Rule VII In case of accident to a partici pant, ono representative of his ar my may, if he has first obtained the consent of the officials, come on to the field of battle to tend the injured man. This representative need not always be the same per son. Rule XXVIII No person not taking part shall be allowed to walk up and down No Man's Land. Penalty Loss of both legs. Rule XXX Upon one nation declaring war on another, the other nation must be ready to fight within 2 months after receiving said declaration of war. Penalty Forfeiture of the war. San Francisco Examiner. KEYHOLE PIRATES Under the heading of '"Gas Over-1 takes Girl White Taking a Bath," j tho following appears in a mainland ! paper: I "Miss Cecelia M. Jones owes her 1 life to the watchfulness of Joel Colly, elevator boy and Rufus Col-. Hi Tip Top Theatre THURSDAY NO SHOW Here uasT"!? who looked Death mMfnWsi' lathe eve time and fiMp IM again to save one Mmk sfe loved from the vengeance of the lau A Story of Love and vfeS Sacrfice-of Romance and Adventure- From the (ln Weekly S1 "black Reach" by Qalph m SATURDAY Sl ' wV Reserved Seats on Sale at the Lihue Store I SUNDAY David Powell in the Paramount Picture "DANGEROUS LIES" TUESDAY Wm. Fox presents Hampton Del Ruth's Hippodromic Comedy Special "SKIRTS" 0 SATURDAY, MARCH 25 NITA NALDI as "Temptation" RICHARD BARTHELMESS as "Youth" in the Paramount Production "EXPERIENCE" "THE SHIEK" Coming Soon o m For new regiment communicating I ley, Janitor." Ghost. j 3Ej 3