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FAKKAS STATE EWS.
county has nine news-
A street railway is now talked of for
College has an Athletic
The water works problem is being dis
cussed at Emporia.
A telephone has been established be
tween Lyons and Sterling.
According to the assessor' census the
population of Lyons, Eice county is 1,
107. A fire in the warehouse of Muse &
"Spivey at Newton caused a loss of .prop
erty valued at 400.
Sales of real estate are reported brisk
at El Dorado. m One man claims to have
sold $12,000 worth of farms in the past
Lawrence Herald -Tribune: The county
clerk has received in three weeks sev-entv-four
wolf and four catamount scalp3
at ?3 each, or a total of 234.
Lyons (Rice Co) Republican: The to
tal valuation of property in Lyons, ac
cording to the assessors' repoit.is 75,030
as against $56,483 in 18S4.
The hod-carriers employed by the dif
ferent contractors of Leavenworth have
struck for higher wages. They desire
an increase from 1.50 to 1.75 and
Burton Monitor: Mr. A. J. Smith's
barn was struck by lightning last Tues
day night, killing a fine span of mules
belonging to him and a fine brood mare.
Loss about 650.
A movement has been made to estab
lish in Kansas, a State Teachers' Read
ing Circle. The object is to provide a
uniform course of reading for all the
teachers in the State.
The work of taking the census has
been completed in three wards of the
City of Lawrence. It shows a popula
tion in the First ward of 2,345; Second
ward. 2,052; Third ward, 2,500. This is
-a total of 254 increabe over last year.
The citizens of Emporia held a meet
ing a few days ago and discussed ques
tions of importance to the city. Meas
ures were advanced to obtain mills, fac
tories and other institutions which
would have a tendency to build up the
H. A. Powers and wife, of Osborne, ac
companied by a lady friend, were swept
away by the current while attempting to
cross a swollen stream in the vicinity of
that city, and the women were drowned.
The body of an unknown child, eighteen
months old, was also found in the creek.
Osborne Times: Government land is
becoming very scarce in Osborne county.
The 40 and GO acre tracts are no longer
despised, but are rapidly taken up, and
even land so rough that there is barely
tillable ground enough on it to enable
the settler to come within the laws, is
being homesteaded by parties contemp
lating embarkation in the stock business.
A Deputy United States Marshal from
Texas arrived in Topeka the other day,
bringing a man named Wm. D. Stark,
who is charged with forging pension pa
pers in Wabaunsee county about one
year ago. Stark has given the officers a
long hunt, but he was finally nipped
when he least expected it. He was
. locked up in the county jail for safe
keeping, and will have a hearing in the
United Startes court at an early day.
A citizen of Halstead has invented and
constructed a new kind of a buggy
spring which is not only novel but does
away with that part of the buggy known
as the fifth wheel. The springs are bars
of steel extending from axle to axle and
are four in number to each wheel. He
had a buggy constructed in this plan,
on the streets one day this week, and a
Jaige number of our citizens took a look
at it. For easy riding we have never
seen the equal of this vehicle. The in
ventor will apply for a patent.
A fire occurred at Wichita the other
day w hich, before it could be subdued,
destroyed Loveland's feed mills, Ar
nold's "ham, Osgood's elevator, six hun
dred bushels of wheat and four hun
dred sacks of chop, belonging to Sher
man Cc JMdndge, Morris Uros. Wire
Fence factor' and McFarland's foundry
and machine shops. None of this prop
erty which was located in the vicinity
of the Fort Scott depot, seems to have
been insured, so that the loss falls upon
our citizens, home of whom are unable to
hear it, the loss being from 1,000 to
$S,000 to each burned out.
Emporia Republican: Ironton Fowler
married his sister's daughter several
Tnonths ago, obtaining the license to do
so, as we are informed, through the
Chase count y probate court. He lived in
tins vicinity a short time, but not wish
ing longer to confront the displeasure of
his father and mother in the neighbor
hood, he moved with his wife to JackBon
county, Missouri, where he was arrested
by Sheriff Wilhite under an indictment
by the grand jury, brought back to this
-county and lodged in jail, hiB marriage,
under the laws of Kansas, laying him
liable to prosecution on a charge of in
cest, punishable by a term in the peni
tentiary. JDodge City Times: The Eureka Canal
Is making progress at the rate of about
two miles per week. The ditch is exca
vated to a point within four miles north-west
of Dodge, on section 16, and will
shortly be on the line directly north of
the city. Five ditching machines were
at work when we visited the operations
the other day. The machines are moved
j twelve horses to each machine, and
the dirt is carried from the plows by
means of aprons and is conveyed to the
sides of the ditch, thus forming an em
bankment. The ditch is two feet deep,
and the enbankments are two or three
feet more. The width of the ditch is
only 16 feet The operation of the ditch
ers is a fine sight, and the expeditious
manner in which they work is a great
saving of labor. The company establish
camps at convenient points along the
"line of the ditch and at each 'camp a
well is drilled.
ers are beginning to look anxious over
their wheat, there being some kind of
a venomous bug that is cutting the roots
Junction City Union: One of the
effects of the severe winter is the de
s traction of grape vines. In some vine
yards near town almost one-half of the
vines are winter killed.
El Dorado Republican: The Hessian
fly is hatching out numerously, in the
winter wheat, promising to destroy what
is left from the winter. They are in all
stages, from the perfect fly, larva to the
Alma Enterprise: Farmers tell us that
every dav shows further effects of the
Hessian fly in the wheat. The wheat on
slope jand is badly damaged, but that on
the bottom seems to escape their ray
ages. Will some one please explain
Noteworthy Incidents Among The Farmers
of The State.
-A man down at Wichita sold 1S,000
sweet potato plants in one day.
Considerable wheat is being marketed
at McPherson says the Freeman
A man near Columbus, Cherokee
county, has eleven acres in strawberries.
Enterprise Anti'MonopolisU The farm-
Strong City Democrat: Farmers, as
well as other people, feel a little discour
aged over the continued wet weather.
The weeds are growing rapidly, corn is
not sprouting as nicely as it ought to,
and aogether the situation just at pres
ent appears a little aggravating.
Wichita Eagle: They feel all right
about the crops. One man says he has an
abiding faith in Kansas, and if we can't
have wheat we will have corn, fruit, hogF,
fine cattle and sheep till you can't rest.
Ross says he planted corn the 24th ol
May, Queen Victoria's birthday, and
raised seventy bushels per acre.
Independence Star: We were shown
a bunch of blue grass, which measures
48 inches in height. It don't seem as if
there could remain much room for
doubt as to the success with which tame
grasses can be cultivated here. The
present has been an unusually favorable
season for them; but blue grass four feet
high is a novelty anywhere.
El Dorado Republican: While the rain
has probably damaged the corn which
was planted but had not come up yet it
has has been a great thing for the wheat
raisers. Prospects for wheat are of the
best and if nothing interferes we will
have an immense yield of wheat this
year. It is not yet "time to growl. Put
it on till a later day.
Florence Herald: The wheat crop in
tnis county, is not at all promising at
this writing, and not near as large a crop
Till be harvested in this county this
year as last. The Hessian fly has
damaged the wheat, and some of our
farmers have already plowed up the
land they had sowed in wheat, and will
put it m corn.
Wellington Wellingtonian: Lately we
have heard some little talk in regard to
the ravages the Hessian flies are mak
ing on the wneat crop. The greatest
loss has been sustained in the southern
portion of the county near Caldwell, but
the whole talk is more of a scare than
anything else, and the wheat will not
suffer one-tenth the injury many sup
posed it would. Neither the millers nor
the injplement dealers feel uneasy on
the subject, and our farmers are not al
lowing the Hessian fly to cause them
any great loss of sleep.
Wichita Eagle: Senator John Kelley
says he has oneJiundred acres of corn to
plant and does not intend to plant for a
month unless he can plant without "hog
ging" it in. He thinks it makes no dif
ference when he plants,that he will raise
more corn than the man who "hoes" his
corn in the mud, and further says the
farmers in Attica are now convinced that
the prospect for a crop of wheat next
harvest is daily becoming more gloomy,
that fully half the wheat was plowed up
and every imaginable enemy of the
wheat rust, fly, chints bug, weeds, etc.
are working on the young sicklyplaut.
Wichita Beacon: B. F. Forrest is one
man out of a great many who can say a
good word for the wrheat. He has 200
acres mat iooks nne. ne nnisned sow
ing on the 15th of last September, hence
his wheat got a vigorous start and stood
the cold weather. There is no sign of
chinch bug or hessian fly, as the cold
wet weather has prevented the hatching
of eggs, if any were deposited. Mr.
Forrest has 3,300 bushels of wheat from
last year's crop. The corn has been re
tarded by the lateness of the Spring, but
on the whole he finds little cause for
Sedgwick City Pantagraph: W. C.
.Ragen brought in a sample of his wheat
Tuesday to have it examined by some oi
trie prominent wneat raisers, who after
a thorough examination declared there
was no Hessian fly about it. A good
many reports have been started that the
fly was in all, or nearly all the wheat in
this valley, but we have placed but little
faith in the reports so far, and are now
inclined to have less. It is true there
are some fields that are afflicted thusly,
but not so many as some would have us
believe. Mr. Ragen's wheat measured
twenty-six inches, and has a good
healthy color. He has about thirty-five
acres, and says it ia as good as he could
The farmers of Chautauqua county
have undergone severe losses and a good
portion of their crops have been washed
away, but this does not daunt them as
will be seen from the following taken
from the Sedan Graphic: We are glad
to see the best farmers of the countv.
taking hold again, with a determination
to do something yet this season, in the
way of raising crops. We have inter
viewed several of the most prominent
farmers in this part of the county, and
while they feel that they have sustained
severe losses, the are determined to
make the best of it, and are going to
work in earnest If all our people will
act in thft same manner, we will not
know that wc ever had any serious
storms by fall. We are confident that
many of them can still raise good crops,
and will if they go to work with a deter
mination to do so.
Items Gleaned from the Kansas Press Ap
pertaining to Stock and Stock Ital sing.
Jbat hogs bring good prices at Wichita.
Some fat hogs that average 360 pounds
brought $4 per 100 pounds at Newton
the other day.
There is a dairy-farm named the
"Junita" in Riley county which turns
out seventy-five pounds of cheese daily.
Oswego Democrat: Two thoroughbred
Short Horn cows were sold here last
week for $300 cash. Also a bull calf for
Nescatunga Kansam The stockmen of
the county nave held meetings and de
cided to oppose the enforcement of the
Several car loads of fat cattle have
been shipped from Girard to St Louis.
They brought $3 75 in Girard and are
said to have been a fine looking lot.
Troy Chief: The freight train going
south on the A. & N. Road, run into a
herd of horses, killing six mules and one
very fine mare. They were appraised,
the afternoon of the same day, at $1,
200. Abilene Gazette: John W. Hoover sold
i three car loads of cattle to Cooper &
Slough that averaged 1,460 to the head,
after a drive of five miles. This was as
even and handsome a bunch of fat cat
tle as has been marketed here this sea
son. There is a disease prevalent irr- Coffey
county near Burlingame, among hogs
which is rather unusual. It has the
same effect on the animal as paralysus
does on a human beings. It is puzzling
the stock raisers of that vicinity in no
Peabody Graphic: Dr. Lackey's
famous Rose of Sharon cow, "Arthur's
Favorite." gave birth this week to a
splendid cow calf, sired by the Imp.
Grand Duke of Barrington, one of the
best bred Bates bulls ever brought to
Osborne Farmer: B. F. Hilton, of Twin
Creek, last week sold 200 head of weth
ers to J. P. Rathbun, of Corinth, for 400,
Mr. Hilton to have the benefit of this
year's wool clip from the same. Shear
ing at the Hilton ranch will commence
about June 1st.
Peabody Graphic: The wet weather
this Spring is no doubt a blessing to our
farmers and breeders, for it is bringing
out their tame grass in a manner to de
light them. They realize no w that grass
and cattle are kings, and that herein
lies their big money.
About three months ago Edward and
Henry Case, living on a farm near Ef
fingham, Atchison county, absconded
with some $4,000 in cash which the
had succeeded in borrowing from differ
entarmers in that vicinity. After be
ing traced in different directions, they
were captured atMobeetie, Tex., and
brought back to the scene of their de
falcation. The citizens of Dodge City will vote
on a proposition to vote $2,000 bonds to
purchase a piece of real estate which
lands will be for the use and occupation
of beef cattle brought there for the stock
yards. In the surveying of said lands,
ample room will have been obtained for
the handling of beef herds close to the
yards, which is quite necessary to a
shipping point of the magnitude of that
Caldwell Journal: A. M. Closon wil
have his spring crop of calves all brand
ed up by the time the round-up strikes
him, and then the driving off of calves
whose "mammas" have got lost will not
be such a safe nor profitable business.
ae lavors early calves every time, for
the reason that an early calf is worth
one-half more than a late one, consider
ing the chances he takes in making a
live of it through the first Winter.
Burlingame Clironicle: W. D. Miner
& Sons have sold from their ranch this
Spring thirty, head of grade Hereford
yearling bulls for $2,250. Thirty-four
neaa oi grade snortnorn yearling bulls
for $1,360. Six head of thoroughbred
Shorthorn bulls for $900. Three head
of thoroughbred bulls for 450. Six head
of grade Hereford 2-year old heifers for
$450. Six head of grade Shorthorn heif
ers for $375. Recently they bought Mr.
Hiram Ward's entire herd of thorough
bred Shorthorn cows, making them now
a thoroughbred herd of fifty head of
Shorthorns and twenty-five Herefords.
Junction City Union gives the follow
ing as a cure for hydrophobia: "To one
and a half ounces of good, sound Elec
ampane root, bruised in a mortar, add
one pint of new milk, boil to half pint,
strain off, and when cold, take at a dose
in the morning, fasting. No food should
be taken for from three to five hours af
terwards. Repeat the dose on the third
morning, allowing one morning to inter
vene, and again on the fifth morning.
The above quantity is for an adult; for
cniidren give in proportionate doses,
say to one of 12 years, half that quan
tity. The most destructive cyclone that ev
er passed through Western Kansas vis
ited the eastern part of Rooks county
the other day. Twenty buildings were
destroyed. One life lost as far as heard
from, and twenty-two injured. Stock of
all kinds was killed. It commenced five
miles east of Plainville, and extended
twenty miles northeast, and was a quar
ter of a mile wide, taking every building
in l 8 way. The city of Stockton was
visited at the same time with wind and
hail. Three hundred and twenty-one
lights of glass were broken.
The Coldwater Star relates a story of
tne robbery ol a citizen of that place
named Bouville. He had just "proved
up" a claim in that section and sold it,
and by invitation from a couple of men,
rode in a buggy with them to Harper.
While on the road the men offered
Bouville some liquor, which he lightly
partook of but it seems the drugged liquor
failed to have the desired effect, so when
they reached a livery stable in Harper,
the two men brutally and cowardly as
saulted and robbed Bouville and while
he was insensible, they threw him into
tne buggy and after driving him four
or five miles into the country, they loft
mm au aione ana penniless.
Arkansas City Traveler: Imported
Jerseys are coming into market in Cow
ley county. L. C. Norton and N. T. Sny
der have just purchased of J. C. McMul
len the pure bred Jersey bull, "Endorus,"
on of the finest bred bulls in the TJnited
States. The grand sire took the first
premium at the Royal fair on the Island
of Jersey. The dam was a decendant of
one of the most celebrated families of the
Island, and imported to Kansas by A.M.
Harknes, of Philadelphia, and was pur
chased by Gov. Smith of Vermont, on
whose farm "Endorus was bred and sold
to Ezra Meech, of Winfield, and pur
chased by J. C. McMullen, who has made
a specialty of breeding Jerseys. He is
one of the most perfect animals of the
breed. His weight is 1200 pounds, his
style perfect and every way desirable.
by Bishop Fink, of Leavenworth, the
other day in the Catholic church of In
dependence. Plainville, (Rooks Co.) Ketct: There
is talk of a new Methodist church being
built at this place soon. The probable
cost will be $1,000,
Waterville Telegraph: The Lutheran
church now being built is nearing com
pletion. It will be a handsome building
and will improve that part of the city.
Some young people becoming offended
at the remarks made by the pastor of
tne .Baptist cnurcn ot Uolumbus a few
Sundays ago arose and abruptly left.
Chanute Times: Repairs on the M. E.
church building are in progress this
week. The tower is taken down, and
work on the addition is being advanced
Sterling Gazette: The Christians of
this city are talking up the matter of re
organizing their society, and endeaver
to build a church on the site of the one
destroyed some years ago.
Newton Republican: There is a move
on foot among the G. A. R. people to
buy a lot on West Broadway and erect
a one-story building for the use of the
post, the Sons of Veterans and the mili
A gentleman 80 years old addressed
the ladies of the M. E. church of Chap
man, Dickinson county, on the subject:
'Women and the Beautiful." The lec
turer was cei tainly old enough to have
some experience in the matter.
The MetbodisS people of Winfield
are pushing the various improvement
that is being done on their house of
worship to completion. Tt will be a very
beautiful house when finally completed,
so says the Daily Courier.
Humboldt Intnr Slate: Confirmation
services were held in the Catholic church
on last week; and about 70 boys and
girls were confirmed. A prettier scene
we have not seen for a long time. The
services were conducted by the bishop o
The seventh annual meeting of the
Woman's Presbyterial Missionary Soci
ety of the Pfesbyteria of Emporia, was
held in the Presbyterian church in Eldo
rado the other day. Tonsiderable inter
est was manifested in the meeting, and
the work of the year was reported to
have been quite successful. The attend
ance was quite large.
Osborne Farmer: The Congregational
people of Bloomington are circulating a
subscription paper for the purpose of
raising funds to build a parsonage in
that place. Rev. F. G. McHenry has
accepted the permanent pastorate of the
church, providing a house can be built
for him to live in. The erection of a
church building is looked forward to as
being in the near future.
Wichita Beacon: The district associa
tion of the German JVI. E. church has
been in session here for four days. The
district embraces the State of Kansas.
There were twenty-four ministers pres
ent from the State, and one from Vvar
rensburg, Mo. The annual re-union was
very much enjoyed by the Wichita con
gregation, and by the assembled brethren.
C. W. IT. STREET,
Stoves and Tin Ware, Wood and Iron Pumps, I X L Feed Mill,
Corn Shelters, I X L Stalk Cutters, Horse Powers,
Tanks. Also Agent for the
OLD. RELIABLE HALLIDAY STANDARD,
TWENTY-NINE YEARS IN USE.
All wanting to purchase "Windmills will do well to call at my Shop, opposite Post
office in Wa-Keeney, and get catalogue of prices before purchasing.
REFEBENCES-F. O. Ellsworth. 8, T. Bartlett, S. P. Bartlett, R. Hacker. A. C. Friek
W. S. Mead, Thomas Caddie, of Wa-Keeney; Samuel Bowman, two mills; Thomas Moore, aada
16-foot geared mill for Thomas Hindman, of Grainfield, and George B. Henn and John Collieyj
Graham county. Tne above list is a part of the mills I have sold and put up in the last year. I alee
manufacture and repair all kinds of tinware and flt up pumpa and gas and water pipe.
30 Years Experience FREE.
Of Nervous and Semina) De
umiy, eariy uecay, Loss o'
CURE YOUBSEtFl Eedpe A adWcp for feeU TteatmenL
- 5'!n,.BT,an2 MoaT. and ascid Qnnckry BOOK
tod Trial Pachas of Epmedies FREE Addips
. Dr T WTLLIA1IIS. Milwaukee. "Wis
A flORN RHELLER.
The new "Eclipse" Corn Shelter it the im-
plest, easieit working shelter on the market,
iud the only one that is cot forever out of
order. To introduce it into every town at once we will send one
Shelter, prepaid, to any person who will agree to show it to their
friends and tend us the names of fire farmers sons in their town and
So cents for the expenses of this ad ertisement. Addre8
A.C1EB MAnTACTTJBrrrG CO., IVOBYTOK, CONTf.
and all Bilious Complaints are relieved by taking
WRIGHT'S INDIAN VEGETABLE PILLS
Pntely Vegetable: ITo (Mticg. Prira S5c. All Druggists.
Items of all Kinds Concerning; Thetn.
The new Methodist church at Wichita
Fatner Rivers, of Clyde, has been as
signed to the Catholic church of Stock
ton. Abilene Chronicle: The "Wdinen'g
Relief Corps will give an entertainment
in a short time for the benefit of Abi
One hundred persons were confirmed
Cherryvale Globe: Rev. W. H. Hul
butt, the well known Evangelist, is con
ducting a very successful meeting at the
Baptist church in this city. Great inter
est is made manifest by members of the
various denominations, as well as those
of the Baptist persuasion, also by our
church going people who are non-members.
Packed houses every night. Last
Sabbath evening there was not room for
more than two thirds of those who de
Harper Times: The Baptist of Indi
ana evidently believe in southern Kan
sas. Within six months Baptist minis
ter from Indiana have settled in this
part of the state as follows: Winfield, J.
H. Reider; Wellington D. W. Sanders:
Anthony, J. R. Edwards; ElDorado, W.
E. Bates; Florence, N. C. Gartin and
Harper, A. B. Charpie. The Wichita
pastor W. F. Harper is also a Hoosier
and his uncle, Rev. Noah Harper another
Hoosier is invited to settle at Kingman.
Kansas Baptists evidently like the Hoo
sier type of piety.
Wichita Eagle: At the last session of
the Southern Kansas Methodist confer
ence, held at El Dorado, the buildine of
a denominational college was determin
ed upon and a locating committee ap
pointed and empowered to name the
seat for the institution. Notice was
given out to the effect that the committee
would meet in Wichita to receive propo
sitions from the various points desiring
such an institution. On the day of meet
ing delegations were present from Win
field, Newton, Harper and El Dorado,
together t ith a delegation of ministers
from the Northwest Kansas conference.
The latter delegation favored a central
western location with a view of uniting
the influence of the two conferences upon
the one institution The delegations
from the other towns came forward with
astonishing offers of aid, ranging in sums
from $15,000 to $25,000 it is understood,
besides valuable tracts of land, although
it has been found impossible to get much
reliable information from either the
delegations or committees upon these
points. It is understood that Wichita
will put in a minimum bid,butthis city's
head being set on commerce and manu
factures, no strenuous efforts will probab
ly be made to secure the school. After
a protracted session the committee re
solved that they would meet at Wichita,
Kans., on June 9, 1885, to receive and
open bids and to decide on the place of
location of the Southwest Kansas col
"Why, Sam and Bill Boggs have been
stealing horses in Kansas. Bill was cap
tured and is to be tried for it, but Sam
was shot and kilied while runing from
"You don't say so! Well, lam glad
Sam was killed. I knew them boys. I
am glad Sam did not survive, for he was
very high-toned, and it would have al
most killed him to have had his brother
convicted of stealing. He was to sensi
tive, Sam was he had to much familv
pnd6 to succeed in a rough frontier con
try." There is only one thing sadder than
death, and that is a seat in a theatre be
hind a four story hat. Boston Post.
The daughter of a New York million-,
aire has applied for a divorce on the
ground that her husband basely deceived
her. He assured her that he was a
coachman, but since marrying him she
nas aiscoverea mat ne was only an ed
itor. We didn't suppose there was such
a brand of heartless villainy abroad in
the land. Norrisloum Herald.
THE LIGHT RUNNING
H iVD w '
THE flNlY SEWING MACHINE
I - THAT GIVES - 2
.Wit and Humor.
Hostetter McGinnis, of Galveston, dab
bles in art. He painted a picture, put it
in a book store, and then stood around to
hear what people said. Gus De Smith
looked at it and said to a friend:
"That's the worst daub I've seen yet.
The man who painted that picture, ought
to be like his picture hung up to dry, he
is so green."
I want yon to understand, sir, that I
am the artist who painted that picture,"
Being anxious to excuse himself De
"I beg ten thousand pardons. I have
no knowledge of art whatever. I only
repeat what I hear everybody else say
about your picture."
Two not very prepossessing-looking
gentleman were toasting their feet at a
stove in the back room of a saloon. One
of them was reading a newspaper. Sud
denly he exclaimed:
An Oakland obituary notice referred
a deceased citizen as having "gone to
a happier hrme." The woman is about
bringing a libel suit. These Oakland
women are too sensitive for anvthinc
San Francisco Post
"Yseult Dudley!" called the court
'Je3uite Dudley!" shouted the clerk '-Result
Dudley!" yelled the tipstaff. "Yazoo
Dudley!" cried the gate keeper. "Iubult
Dudley!" howled the deputy. "Assault
Dudley!" shrieked the prison matron,
and a soft voice was heard sayinc: "Did
anyone call Ylrselt Dudley?" Pittsburg
The telephone in a doctor's office in
Brooklyn rang one afternoon and was
answered by the doctor's wife. After
the usual 'hellos" from both parties the
stranger inquired if the doctor was in,
and being told "No," said he would call
and see him. "Who are you?" queried
the lady. "Who am I? Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Why, can't you smell my breath?" was
the response. JV. Y. Tribune.
Straight whiskies make crooked roads:
Fall Rivtr Advance.
Many New York resolutions are like
some secrete "too good to keep." Low
If there is anything on earth that is
worse than a dunk en printer, it is two
drunken printers. Bloomington Eye.
There's a girl that is fairer than day,
A.nd by Jiukp, I can see her arar;
I'd call on that girl right away,
If 'twas not for her horrid old pa.
The young couple who before marriage
thought they could live on love are now
living on corn bread and hominy. Ken-
tucty State Journal.
A man never realizes how little his
word is worth till he receives a black
eye, and attempts to explain how he
came by it. Boston Courier.
A New York paper says: "The dead
Gen. Barrios owns a house in New
York." Wonder if he will use it as a
Winter or a Summer resort Brooklyn
Little Clara was taken with sudden
but not serious illness "Mamma." she
said, "do you think I shall get well?"
Mother: Of course you will, darling.
Clara: I don't think I shall, mamma, and
Iguessit's best I shouldn't. Being un
der five, perhaps I could get into heaven
for half fare. Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Brindle's face became as variega
ted as the complexion of a circus horse
when one of her boarders told her he
ould take his piebald. Yonkers Gazette.
Give the roller rink its due. It is sort
of an escape valve by which lots of per
sons avoid being sent to the idiot or lun
atic asylum. Detroit Free Press.
rjubby stubbed nis toe ana came in
crying to his mother. "There, there,
Bubby," she said, aftei she ascertained
that the injury was trifling, "you are too
big a boy to cry over a little thing like
that." "B-bat what a-am I to do, mam
ma?'' he asked sobbing; "I ain't b-big
enough to s-sware-" Reheboth Herald.
"Gentlemen," said an auctioneer, with
true pathos: "If my father and mother
stood where yon stand, and did not buy
this stew pan, this elegant stew pan,
going at $1, 1 should feel it my bounden
duty as a son to tell both of them they
were false to their country, and false to
themselves " San Francisco Argonaut.
A new fire arm has been invented in
France which can be discharged thirty
times a minute. Every one fighting a
duel with it requires two seconds. St.
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PHYSICIAN & SUROE0W,
OFFICE AT SCOTT'S DBUG STORE.
HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN & SURGEON
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