Newspaper Page Text
THE NATIONAL TRIBUNE: WASHINGTON, D. C, MARCH 4, 1882.
When on ray day of life the night is falling,
And, in the winds from unsunned spaces blown,
I hear far voices out of darkness calling
My feet to patlis unknown.
Thou who hast made my home of life so pleasant,
Leave not its tenant when its walls decay ;
0 Love" divine, O Helper ever present,
Be Thou my strength and stay !
Be near me when all else is from me drifting,
Earth, sky, home's pictures, days of shade and shine,
And kindly faces to my own uplifting
The love which answers mine.
1 have but Thee, 0 Father! Let thy spirit
Be with mc then to comfort and uphold ;
No gate of pearl, no branch of palm, I merit,
Nor street of shining gold.
Suffice it if my good and ill unreckoned,
And both forgiven through thy abounding grace
I find myself by hands familiar beckoned,
Unto my fitting place ;
Some humble door among thy many mansions,
Some sheltering shade where sin and striving cease,
And flows forever through heaven's green expansions
The river of thy peace.
There, from the music round about me stealing,
I fain would learn the new and holy song,
And find, at last, beneath thy trees of healing,
The life for which I long.
John Grccnlcaf Whitticr, in March Ailaniic.
NOW IS THE TIME FOR THE BABY TO WAKE.
Softly the shadows of night are departing,
Songs in the tree-tops the little birds make,
In the red East the big sun is upstarting
Now is the time for the baby to wake ;
Bonnie blue eyes which the white lids uncover
Sleep's rosy dreamland with laughter forsake,
Loud sings the Robin, the lark is a rover,
Now is the time for the baby to wake ;
Birds in the orchards and bees in the clover,
Now is the time for the baby to wake.
Flowers in the woodlands their eyelids unfolding.
Shake from their petals the gems of the dew,
Cows in the pastures a banquet are holding,
Soft wave the boughs where the turtle doves coo,
Lo, the white mist round the mountain tops sweeping
Borne on the morning winds scatter and break,
God shows his handiwork, who would be sleeping?
Now is the time for the baby to wake;
God shows his handiwork, who would be sleeping?
Now is the time for the baby to wake.
W. B. Preston.
One Christmas Night.
A STORY IN TWO CHAPTERS.
It was never known who fired the shot that
killed Dan Pearce, but the lieutenant naturally
guessed that the man who fired it was the mur
derer of Porter. Old Van der Meulen came in
the next morning, apparently unconscious of
what had taken place, and expressed great sur
prise and horror when he was told of it.
" Veil," he said, " dey are a rough lot here, and
I have seen enough of demto know dat dey tink
no more of killing a man than of drinking a cup
"The man who did it," said Charlwood, look
4sg4heold man full in the face, "knows some
thing about poor Porter, and if I stay here
twenty years I'll find it out."
The Dutchman puffed a great cloud of smoke
out and said, "Dat you never will."
Christmas approached, and nothing happened
to break the monotony of life on Tregannion
Cliffs. The lieutenant thought of. the jovial
party assembled in the old family hall far away
in Kent, but however much he longed to be with
them, his sense of duty was too strong to allow
him to apply even for a few days' leave of
"At any rate," he thought, "I'll have a little
celebration here on my own account." So he
sent notes to the parson, the doctor, and old Van
der Meulen, requesting their company to dinner
on Christmas Day. Of course all three accepted
cordially, and what gave him the greatest pleasure
was that the old Dutchman actually asked to be
allowed to bring Dolly.
Since the death of Pearce, the lieutenant had
seen much more of his sweetheart, and the old
Dutchman, far from discouraging the meeting
of the lovers, seemed anxious that they should
be together as much as possible. So the lieu
tenant, intending to be politic as well as
hospitable, resolved to ask the old man formally
for the hand of his daughter after the Christmas
About a week before Christmas, Logsdail the
boatswain came into the lieutenant's quarters
with a serious face.
"Well, -Logsdail, what is it?" asked the
"Well, sir," said the man, " we've been keepin'
a sharp look-out on the Cliff House as you or
dered, and we aint se'ed nothing, till last night.
I was asleep in my bunk about a quarter afore
twelve, when Tom Hoadley, what I'd put on
watch, wakes me up and tells me there's some
thing a goin' on at the Cliff House. So I goes
out. All was dark, so dark you couldn't hardly
see your hand. All of a sudden we sees a light
in one of the windows of the Cliff House, which
is very unusual at that time o'night. Then we
gets nearer and we sees the old mounseer go out
with a lantern in his hand. We follows him,
keepin' well behind the bushes, as far as Qtiel
ley Bay. There he meets other men with lan
terns, and they all keep talkin' together about
half an hour. Then mounseer goes back to the
Cliff House, and a man rides off on the Fowey
Road. Then all was dark again, and nothing
more was to be seen."
"Very well, Logsdail," said the lieutenant,
" post off to Fowey. No, go by sea. Take the
cutter, and tell the lieutenant in command with
my compliments to send twenty men a few
every day by Christmas Day. If anything's to
be done, they'll do it then. All Tregannion
knows about my dinner, and they think they'll
catch us napping."
Christmas Day came in a violent snowstorm.
The line between sea and sky was barely distin
guishable, but the roar of the breakers upon the
rocks below was audible above the sweep of the
storm. The wild barren country looked doubly
weired in its white shroud, and the only conso
lation that the poor blue-jackets on guard had,
was that there would be a good dinner at mid
day and a chance of something even better
before next dawn. The Fowey men had arrived
as arranged, slouching in as rustics, or creeping
along the shore in fishing boats. After having
satisfied himself that everything was in readi
ness for immediate action, the lieutenant set
about decorating his hut as best he could.
With half-a-dozen signal flags and some ever
greens, with the aid of a couple of nimble-fingered
blue -jackets, he made the little plain
whitewashed room look quite bright and cheer
fuL After the mid-day meal, he arranged his
liquor, unpacked a welcome hamper from home,
started Jim the cook at his work, and by six
o'clock was in full uniform, awaiting the arrival
of his guests.
He had not long to wait, for as the clock struck
the hour, the Eev. Mr. Carey and Dr. Windle ar
rived. From a slight incoherency in their speech,
and a more than slight aroma of alcohol which
they introduced with them, the lieutenant di
vined that they had been somewhat anticipating
the festivities of the evening by potations on a
"What a night for a run!" said the parson.
"Aye," remarked the doctor, "I've known runs
on worse nights than this. D'ye call to mind
when Porter "
Here he was interrupted by a violent kick from
the parson, which did not pass unnoticed by
Charlwood. Old Van der Meulen and his daugh
ter were not long after in arriving. The old man
was in excellent spirits, and shook hands with
the doctor and the parson as if he had not seen
them for years. Dolly was beautiful. Never had
the lieutenant been so fascinated with her; the
keen air had imparted a bright fresh color to her
cheeks, and she was becomingly, and for Tregan
nion, luxuriously dressed. Charlwood merely
pressed her hand, but old Van der Meulen sung
out, "Salute her, man, salute her! Dip your col
ors; I'll warrant that although you're a king's
ship and she's a stranger, she'll hoist hers." So
he kissed Dolly, bashfully, as if it was for the
first time, and Dolly hoisted her bright colors
Two brawny tars brought in the dinner. The
little room soon rang with jest and laughter.
The parson's puns were outrageous, the doctor's
yarns of old days side-splitting; old Van der
Meulen retailed some of the choicest of his varied
experiences, whilst Dolly laughed, and blushed,
and seemed thoroughly to enjoy herself. When
the plum pudding had disappeared, the table
was cleared, clean glasses and pipes produced,
and the chairs drawn round the fire.
"Excoose me one moment," said the old Dutch
man before he sat down, and he went out, pres
ently returning with two little casks under his
arms. " Now, my vary good lewtenant, I dake
the liberty to offer you a present. This is genu
ine right Hollands schnapps of de first quality.
You must not ask if it has paid duty. I can't
get any more, much tanks to you and your fine
fellows, but dat is no reason why you should not
So one of the casks were broached, and glasses
filled. The lieutenant arose.
"Before you drink, Miss Van der Meulen and
gentlemen, I will ask you to join me in one toast.
I'm not going to make a speech, but I'll simply
ask you to drink, 'The King, and God bless
This was drunk with much enthusiasm, the
parson and doctor in particular cheering till the
tears ran down their cheeks. Even Dolly drank
her glass of claret without leaving a dreg, a pro
ceeding which made her cough and caused much
merriment. Then the Dutchman gave a vigor
ous sea-song and chorus which he had picked up
in the Southern Seas, which was none the less
effective for being delivered in broken English.
Then the Rev. Mr. Carey made a long speech
about the fair sex, and asked the gentlemen to
drink "Miss Dolly Van der Meulen."
"And her husband that is to be whoever he is,"
added the old Dutchman, a speech which made
Dolly and Charlwood look silly and turn red,
and caused a hearty burst of enthusiasm. Then
the lieutenant gave an old Kentish plough song,
and the doctor proposed the lieutenant's health.
So the fun went on till the clock boomed twelve,
when the doctor and the clergyman, after having
found their legs with much difficulty, declared
that it was time to go. The lieutenant, observ
ing that they might mistake the path over the
cliff edge for the right one, offered them an es
cort, but they sturdily refused, so, with much
handshaking and tenewal of good wishes, they
went out into the night.
So Dolly, the lieutenant, and the old Dutch
man were left together. The first cask had been
emptied principally by the two departed guests
and Van der Meulen broached the second, say
ing: " Now, mine lewtenant, de oder cask was good,
but I tink you will find this better. I would not
open it before those two barrels of men, for they
had drunk just enough not to know good drink
from bad. It is vat you call putting pearls be
fore pigs to put good Neerwinden Schnapps
before dem." And he filled the lieutenant's
glass to the brim. "Take it off," said the old
man, "it is not strong, although it is so good."
Charlwood declined, but took a good sip. He
had scarcely put the glass down before the room
swam before his eyes, the figures of Dolly and
her father seemed to reel like two indistinct dark
masses of cloud; he just saw the old Dutchman
standing up looking at him with a diabolical
scowl, he heard the door burst open, a confused
sound of shouts and musketry, a scream from
Dolly and he fell senseless on the floor.
When he recovered his senses he was in a
strange room, and Dolly was bending over him.
He sat up and asked: "What is it, Dolly, my
darling? Where ami? Where are Carey and
the doctor, and your father?"
"Hush, my dearest," said Dolly. "You
must not talk, we've had a fearful night."
But with an effort the lieutenant rose, and
insisted on going out. Such a scene met his
gaze when he got outside the door as he had
never witnessed before, although he had seen some
service. He was in the entrance hall of old Van
der Meulen's house. In one corner lay a body
covered with a tarpaulin. The lieutenant raised
it and he beheld old Van her Meulen, with the
same expression on his face as when he last saw
him indistinctly in his own room. Every arti
cle of furniture was broken ; the walls were
splashed with blood and indented with the
marks of bullets ; the sturdy flooring was torn
up, and strewed with muskets, cutlasses, and
shreds of clothing.
"Go back to your room, my Dolly," said
Charlwood, " this is no sight for a woman. I am
all right now."
So Dolly retired, and the lieutenant went out.
In the garden lay in a row half-a-dozen corpses ;
the snow was torn up and scattered in all direc
tions, even the bushes were broken. Logsdail
"We thought you was dead sir," he said;
"the men will be mad with joy when they
know you are all right."
" Tell me all about it, Logdsail," said Charl
wood. "Well, sir," said the boatswain, "afore we
had time to alarm you, the beggars had started
their business. Old mounseer there played a
werry deep game, leastways as regards you, but
we weren't to be took in. There must have
been a hundred of 'em. They landed in the
snowstorm, from that schooner you remember we
sighted t'other day. They ran about fifty bar
rels up to the house, 'afore we heerd 'em. They
did fight like reg'lar devils, sir. I should think
we was at it for a couple of hours, all the way
up from Quelley Bay to the house, sir. P'raps
you'd like to see who we nabbed, sir, as pris'-
ners. This way, sir."
Charlwood followed Logsdail to the stable, and
there he saw the Rev. Mr. Carey and Dr. Windle,
tied up, under the guard of a blue-jacket. They
were clad in sea-coats and wore big boots, and
were as unlike orthodox members of learned
professions as could be imagined.
"Them two, sir," said Logsdail, "fought as
well as any of 'em. If that 'un," pointing to the
parson, "uses his tongue as well as he does a
cutlass, he'll do a lot of good at Botany Bay."
"How many men have we lost?" asked the
"Half-a-dozen killed outright, sir," answered
Logsdail, "and a round dozen wounded. Poor
Tom Hoadley got a bullet in the mouth, and
there aint one of us but has got a mark or two
some of 'em pretty ugly ones."
"And you've let none of the runners escape?"
"Not one, sir," answered Logsdail; "half-a-dozen
of 'em tumbled over the cliff, another half
dozen tried to get off in their boat, but we sank
her before she got ten yards from the shore. The
old man and his daughter carried you to the
house ; he was so savage with her for screaming
that we thought he'd have killed her. Then he
stood at the front door blazing away with his
pistols, until some one fetched him a cut on the
head and some one else put a bullet into him, and
between the two he fell, swearing away like a
good 'un in his own furrin lingo."
"Why did they carry me away?" asked Charl
wood. "Lor, sir," answered
lamp was bowled over.
and the whole
hnrnf r -nrt-f-H-i Tn " '"
'" than ten minutes arter
you was tool
mted to leave you, but
miss, she sal d shoot him if he did,
and it's my m.uu uiao sne'd have done it, for she
catched hold of one of your pistols, and looked
like a young tigress, so said poor Tom Hoadley."
To cut a long story short, by the failure of
this last desperate effort of the smugglers, a
deathblow was dealt to the trade of Tregannion.
The place, in fact, ceased to be inhabited ; the
landlord of The Brig took himself to a more
lucrative sphere; the quay gradually rotted
away; no fresh appointment was made to the
cure of Tregannion, and in a few years all that
was left was the preventive station on the cliff.
Dolly, by the death of her father, was left
homeless, and, with the exception of Lieutenant
Charlwood, friendless. So, of course, he obtained
an early leave of absence, took her home with
him, and the same Gazette which announced his
captain's appointment, set forth- that he had
made her his wife. When he left the service, in
course of time, John Logsdail quitted also, and
became butler to his old commander, and many
scores of times had they to relate their respective
adventures upon that Christmas night.
THE VATICAN'S RULING ON BAVARIAN
A writer in the JDeutsdies Montagblait gives an
account of a recent conversation with a German
Catholic priest, a member of a princely family,
who has more than once been reported as having
sanguine prospects of being made a Prince of the
Roman Church. The talk turned upon the
famous brew of the Munich Court brewery.
"Do you know," asked the Prince, "what they
think of Bavarian beer in Rome? Soon after
the year 18G0 I became parish-priest of a Bava
rian country village. One day the burgomaster
came to me and said he wished to have my judg
ment upon a very serious point namely, whether
it was proper to drink Bavarian beer in Lent." It
appears that the good old father of the commune
had observed with consternation that the con
sumption of beer increased to a great extent
during the forty days of the fast, the peasants
indemnifying themselves for their abstinence
from the flesh by extraordinary indulgence in
beer. The pastor replied that he thought that
moderate enjoyment of beer was quite lawful.
The President of the Commune, however, was
not satisfied. A few days later he again went to
his princely reverence and solemnly asked him
whether he could not make an inquiry in Rome
as to the legality of the wholesale drinking of
" Baierisch " during Lent. The clergyman gladly
assented. "I received a notification from the
highest authorities," he. says, "that no judgment
could be given on the beer question until the
beer had been seen and tasted." A small barrel
of the very best Bavarian was sent from the
village to the Eternal City; it was probably the
very first Bavarian beer which crossed "the
threshold of the Apostles." The decision came
hack from Rome without delay. The wine
drinking authorities in the Vatican ruled that
as much of this singular liquid might be drunk
during Lent as a man could bring himself to
drink ! Not only so, but it was even added that
it might be regarded as a sort of penance when
a man drank a large quantity of so bitter and
nauseous a concoction !
UNCLE TOM'S CABIN.
Bill Nye has been to see "Uncle Tom's Cabin,"
and he gives the readers of the Boomerang the
following brief synopsis of scenery, incidents, &c. :
Thursday evening the novel and startling
drama of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" was rendered
here by the Anthony and Ellis Company.
As the play is a comparatively new one, there
being only forty or fifty Uncle Tom combinations
now on the road, some traveling in special cars,
and others by hand car and special tie rates, we
give a kind of synopsis of the drama.
Mr. George Harris is supposed to be a calci
mined mulatto, who is perplexed with doubts
about who his parents were on his father's side,
and Eliza, his wife, is situated in a similar man
ner. Their little boy is the only member of the
family who has a pedigree that will bear investi
gation at all.
Mr. Harris and his wife are endeavoring
throughout the play to get to Canada, where
they intend to go into the restaurant business
and acquire scads.
Mrs. Harris, in making her escape across the
river, which is filled with large chunks of cord
wood painted light blue, is followed by two
bloodhounds with iron cake-baskets over their
heads and two men with false beards made out
of buffalo robes.
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" is an extremely fatal
play, there being four killed and three wounded
in three hours. Little Eva is the first to suc
cumb to the extremely malarious and unhealthy
climate. After that her father expires on a $2
bedstead, with a sheet thrown over him and his
boots on. They all die easily, to pianissimo mu
sic. Thursday evening, as Eva was dying, and
her little breath came thick and fast, the janitor
went around and filled up the coal stoves to hide
his emotion, and two gentlemen on the south
side of the opera house were so carried away
with conflicting emotion that they sought conso
lation in a four-quart job-lot of peanuts and
The next untimely death is that of Uncle Tom,
who is supposed to get welted over the head with
the butt of a loaded whip. This, however, is an
optical illusion, because we asked Mr. Legree on
the following day if he got a fresh Uncle Tom at
each and every performance, or how he fixed it,
and he said he wouldn't try to conceal anything
from us, but just tell us plainly how it was.
It seems that he does not kill Uncle Tom at
all. He said he had nothing in particular
against the old man, so he just backed him up
against the scenery and hit a glancing lick that
was more fatal to the scenery than it was to
Uncle Tom. He said that Tom stood in with
him, and when the proper moment arrived for
the sickening thud, generally clapped his hands
together to heighten the effect.
After awhile Mr. Legree i3 killed also. He is
massacred with a large bread knife, and is dragged
off the stage by a hired man.
The donkey generally brought in by Lawyer
Marks sometimes introduces a melodrama that
is not down on the bills. Once, while showing
in Utah, one of the university students, who sings
falsetto, got mad at the donkey because the ani
mal was attracting more attention than he was,
and so just before the donkey was to go on, and
while he was waiting for his cue, the. university
student poured about a gill of turpentine into
the ear of the timid little public favorite.
When he got in where the auction sale was
going on the meek little animal seemed excited
about something. He scattered Mr. Marks
around among the footlights and knocked Mr.
Legree through the base viol. Most of the actors
excused themselves and retired. Then the house
hold pet got over to the orchestra and went
through with some calisthenics. Also through
some of the musicians.
For awhile it looked as though not only the
entire troupe, but the orchestra and most of the
audience would go up the golden stair with little
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" has been on the stage
twenty years now, but it is about as reliable as a
promoter of the scalding tear as ever it was. It
is a play that takes first rate in this dry climate,
and saves the expense of irrigation, to a great
Dr. McDermott, of Monticello, Arkansas, has
invented a flying machine. It doesn't fly yet,
but is expected to between this and the next
Fourth of July. Dr. McDermott was led to
undertake the work through pride. He says :
"It is mortifying that a stupid goose or a buz
zard should go at will above the earth, and man,
the greatest of God's creatures, be obliged to
crawl around like a worm. I hope before I die
to. give a flying chariot to every lady in the
A sharp colored man recently constructed a
rude figure of a devil and placed inside the figure
a phonograph. By touching a spring he can
make the cylinder revolve and the phonograph
give forth sounds. The inventor is traveling
through South Carolina making money out of
ignorant negroes who really think that the fortune-teller's
devil is able to talk.
Texas is the healthiest country in the world.
We recently came across a San Antonio paper, in
which ibwas stated, in as many words, that
"the remains of a man, killed forty years ago,
were discovered ploughing in Central Gar
den." In no other State, and in no other
city in the State, is the air so salubrious that
the remains of a man killed forty years before,
can be seen ploughing. The attention of invalids
is called to this astonishing evidence of the salu
brious quality of the San Antonio atmosphere.
LIFE AND DEATH,
Two tired feet falt'ring o'er a stony road,
Two eyes forever dim witli bitter tears,
Two hands oppress' d by Pain's unceasing load,
A heart forever stirred by anxious fears,
A weary time of longings unfulfilled,
A dreary space of bitterness and strife,
A restless yearning never softly stilled,
And this is life.
Two quiet feet forever more at rest,
Two eyes by weary lids closed to all tears,
Two empty hands crossed o'er a pulseless breast,
A heart serenely free from doubts and fears,
The glad content of hopes at last fulfilled,
The tender utt'rance from a voice winch saith,
"Within my shelt'ring arms all fears are still'd,"
And this is death.
THE LAW EXPLAINED BY A VICTIM.
"I hate to live in a new country," said Jones.
" where there is no law."
"Yerbet yer," chimed in Thompson. "Law
is the only thing that keeps us out of everlasting
"Yes, indeed," said a legal gentleman present.
" It is the bulwark of the poor man's liberty, the
shield which the strong arm of justice throws
over the weak, the solace and balsam of the un
fortunate and wronged, the"
" Oh, stop, 'er," remarked a man with one eye.
" I won't have it that way. Law is the boss in
vention for rascals of all grades. Give me a
country where there is no law, and I can take
care of myself every time. Now, for instance,
when I lived in Ohio, I got a dose of law that I
will never forget. I was in partnership with a
man named Butler, and one morning we found
our cashier missing with $3,000. He had dragged
the safe and put out. Well, I started after him
and caught him in Chicago, where he was splurg
ing around on the money. I got him arrested
and there was an examination. Well, all the
facts were brought out and the defense moved
that the case be dismissed, as the prosecution did
not make out a case in the name of the firm, and
that if there was a firm the copartnership had not
been shown by any evidence before the Court.
To my astonishment the Court said the plea was
O. K., and dismissed the case. Before I could
realize what was up the thief had walked off.
Well, I followed him to St. Louis, where I tackled
him again. I sent for my partner and we made
a complete case, going for him in the name of the
Commonwealth and Smith, Butler & Co. Well,
the lawyer for the defense claimed that the money
being taken from a private drawer in the safe
was my money exclusively, and that my partner
had nothing to do with it ; that the case should
be prosecuted by me individually, and not by
the firm. The old 'bloke' who sat on the bench
wiped his spectacles, grunted round a while, and
dismissed the case. Away goes the man again.
Then I got another hitch on him and tried to
convict him of theft, but the Court held that he
should have been charged with embezzlement.
Some years after I tackled him again, and they
let him go. Statutes of limitation, you see.
Well, I concluded to give it up, and I did.
" But about four years afterwards I was down
in Colorado, and a man pointed to another and
said: 'That fellow has just made a hundred
thousand in a mining swindle.' I looked, and it
was my old cashier. I followed him to the hotel
and nailed him in his room with the money.
Now, I says, ' Billy, do yon recognize your old
boss?' and, of course, he did. Says I, 'Bill, I
want that three thousand you stole from me,
with the interest, and all legal and traveling
expenses.' 'Ah, you do?' says he: 'didn't the
courts decide that ' ' D n the courts,' says Ir
pnttin' a six-shooter a foot long under his nose.
' This is the sort of a legal document that I'm
travelin' on now. This is the complaint, warrant,
indictment, judge, jury, verdict, and sentence, all
combined, and the firm of Colt & Co., New Ha
ven, are my attorneys in this case. When they
speak they talk straight to the point of your
mug, you bloody larceny thief. This jury of six,
of which I am the foreman, is liable to be dis
charged at any moment. No technicality or
statutes or limitations here, and a stay of pro
ceedings won't last over four seconds. I want
$10,000 to square my bill, or I'll blow your
blasted brains out.' Well, he passed over the
money right away, and said he hoped there'd be
no hard feelings. Now, there's some Colorado
law for you, and it's the kind for me! Eh, boys?"
and the crowd with one accord concurred in the
cheapness and efficacy of the plan by which a
man could carry his court on his hip instead of
appealing to the blind goddess in Chicago and
St. Louis. Salt Lake Tribune.
THE GUILELESS WITNESS
"Do yen know the prisoner well?" asked the
" Never knew him sick," replied the witness.
"No levity," said the lawyer, sternly. "Now,
sir, did you ever see'the prisoner at the bar?"
" Took many a drink with him at the bar."
"Answer my question, sir ! " yelled the lawyer.
"How long have yon known the prisoner?"
" From two feet up to five feet ten inches."
" Will the court make the "
"I have, Jedge," said the witness, anticipating
the lawyer ; " I have nswered the question. I
knowed the prisoner when he was a boy two feet
long and a man five feet ten "
" Your Honor "
"It's a fac', Jedge; I'm under my oath," per
sisted the witness.
The lawyer arose, placed both hands on the
table in front of him, spread his legs apart,
leaned his body over the table, and said :
"Will you tell the court what you know about
"That ain't his name," replied the witness.
"What ain't his name?"
"Who said it was?"
"You did. You wanted to know what I knew
about this Case his name's Smith."
"Your Honor," howled the attorney, packing
his beard out by the roots, " will you make this
"Witness," said the Judge, "yon must answer
the questions put to you."
"Land o' Goshen, Jedge, hain't I bin doin' it?
Let the blamed cuss fire away, I'm ready."
"Then," said the lawyer, " don't beat about the
bush any more. You and this prisoner have been
"Never," promptly responded the witness.
"What?" Wasn't you summoned here as a
" No, sir, I was summoned here as a Presby
terian, Nary one of us was ever Friend3 he's
an ole-line Baptist, without a drop of Quaker in
"Stand down," yelled the lawyer, in disgust.
"Can't do it. I'll sit down or stand up."
"Sheriff, remove that man from the box."
"Witness retires, muttering, "Well, if he ain't
the thick-headedest euss I ever laid eyes on."
Desire is the spur of hope.