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THE NATIONAL TBIBUXE: WASHINGTON, D. C, JULY 15, 1882.
ANCIENT AND MODERN WAR.
THE THKKE SCAK5.
This I ffot on the day tlmt Goring
Poiipht thiough York, like ft wild beast roaring
ITh' rovris w ere blavk and the; streets wore full,
Tins .oors buiit up with puck. of wool ;
But our pikes made way through :i storm of sbot,
Barrel to barrel ti'l looks jrew hot;
Krero fell dead, nnd J.ucns was cone,
Bnl lite d urn ctill boat and the Hub went on.
This I cmtgiit from si swinging .abre,
A!l I bud from ji long night's labor;
-icn Chester flamed, and the streets were red,
Imsp'-ashing shower fell the molten lead,
The Are sprang up, anl the old roof split,
The fire-ball burst in the middle of it;
"With a elaOi and c'.ang the troopers they ran,
For the Meg- was over ore well began.
Vliis I got frsm a jistol butt
(Lucky j: head V not a hazel-nut);
The horT- Chey raced, and scudded and swore ;
There n -re Leicestershire gentlemen, seventy
ITp oame the " Lobsters" covered with steel
Down we went with a stagger and reel.
Sfmish at the Ask. I tore it to rag,
.And carried it oil in my foraging bag.
Waller Thanishury in Buffalo Courier.
Tnitnn 3101m scars.
This T got on the day that Jackson
Bent ns back in dire disgiaec ;
Strong men cried as they turned their backs on
Tliestorm of fire they could not face.
Prom front, from left, and from right, like a swarm
Of bocs hummed the minnie balls O it was warm
And deadly work ere the fall of the sun,
On that fatal field of Second Bull Run.
TIis was a stinging bit of a shell
That burst as it fell from a "Whilworth gun.
3 tell you, lwy.-;, it was ' merry hell "
In those woods, but the battle was nearly won.
Foot by fool did we forward press,
Fool by foot did the robs retreat ;
3'ctcrsburg, boy-, you can all of you guess ;
For 'twas the Johnnies' first defeat.
Tills I got from a bullet spent ;
Jl blackened this leg from hip to knee
1 tboHglil it was gone, but I felt content,
For far in front see the graybacks flee!
"Wo chased them up till the fall of night
'Twas Five Folks, boys how the memories come!
Then worn with marching and weary with fight,
The army slept and dreamed of home.
2nw York, June 5, 1SS2.
ROMANCE OF A GLOYE.
" Does it please yon, Katy ? "
"Oh, it's splendid! I could not have
suited myself half so -well Lad I been left to
"But yon have not seen the wine cellar
yet. It is a treasure of its kind. Let's go
They went down the stairs together, he
talking gayly, she with a troubled look on
her fiicc. After duly admiring the place
she put a timid hand on his arm and said :
"But, Arthur, dear, let's have no wine in
" "Why?" he asked, in surprise.
"Because I have resolved, if I am evertho
mistress of a house there shall be no liquors
kept in it no 'social glas3' for friends."
''Why, Katy, you are unreasonable. I
did not know you carried your temperance
opinions so far as that. Of course I shall
keep wine in my house, and entertain my
friends with it, too."
She raised her face appealingly.
"Arthur?" she said, in a. .tono;ofvpice
which he knew how to interpret.
Arthurs brow grew clouded.
"But you cannot fear forme?" he said,
with half-offended pride.
"I must fear for you. Arthur, if you begin
as he did. And I fear Jor others besides, for
the sons and husbands auI fathers who may
learn at our cheerful boud to love the
poison that shall slay them."
They went up the steps again and sat on
a sofa in the dining-room for a few mo
ments, while Katy put on her hat and drew
on her gloves.
The argument was kept up. It is unnec
essary that we should repeat all that was
add on both sides. It ended, at last, as
similar discussions have ended, before.
Neither was willing to yield Katy, be
cause she felt that her whole future happi
ness might be involved in it: Arthur, be
cause he thought it would be giving way to
a woman's whims, and would sacrifice too
much of his popularity with his friends.
He had bought this house, paid for it, and
furnished it handsomely, and in "a few
weeks was to bring Katy as its mistress.
But when Arthur closed tho door and put
the key it ln"3 pocket, and gave Katy his
arm to gee her home, it was all " broken up "
between them, and a notice, "To let," was
put over the door on the very next day.
It was the most foolish thing to do; but
then lovers can always find something to
They parted with a cool "Good evening"
at the door of Katy 'a lodging house. She
went up to her room to cry ; he went home
lurt and angry, but secretly resolved to see
her again, and give her a chance to say that
she was in the wrong. He would wait a few
davs, however: it would not do to let her
bee that he was in a hurry to "make it up."
He did wait nearly a week, and when he
called at the modest lodging house, where
he had been wont to visit so often, he was
told that Miss Gardiner had been gone
" Gone where?" he asked, slow to believe.
"She did not tell me, sir. She said she
was not coming back. Her aunt lives at
lie then took the next train to Bristol,
and investigated ; but neither there nor
in any other place, though he searched for
months afterwards, did he find sign or trace
of Katy Gardiner.
All this happened more than a year before
I saw Katy ; but we three " factory girls,"
who lodged at Mrs. Howell's with her, of
course knew nothing about it. She came to
the factory and applied for work. The
superintendent thought her too delicate for
Bueh labor, but she persisted, and in fact she
improved in health, spirits and looks after
she became used to the work and simple
fare of the factory girl.
She was a stranger to us all, and it seemed
likely she would remain so. But one day
Jrfxry BaKComs dress caught in a part of the
machinery, and before any one else could
think what to do Katy had sprung to her
sfclc and p..'ded her away by main strength
from the terrible danger that threatened her.
After that Jiary and Lizzie Payne and I, who
were her dearest friends, were Katy's sworn
We all lodged together, then, in the big
" .Factory boarding house." But Katy took
it into her head that we should have so
much nicer times in a private lodging to
ourselves: and when she took anything into
her head she generally carried it through.
In less than a week she had found the very
place she wanted, arranged matters with tho
superintendent, and had us sheltered under
Mrs. Howell's vine and fig tree. We four
girls were the proud possessors of a toler
ably large, double-bedded apartment, with a
queer little dressing-room attacked and the
liberty of the parlor to receive callers in a
proviso at which we all laughed.
This was "home" to us after the labor of
the day. In deed and in truth, Katy made
the place so charming that wo forgot we
were "factory girls" when we got to it.
She improvised cunning little things out of
trifles that are- usually thrown away as use
less, and the flowers growing in broken pots
in our windows were a glory to bohold. She
always had a fresh book or periodical on our
table ; and better than this, she brought to
us the larger cultivation and the purer taste
which taught us to use opportunities within
"What made you take to our ttylc of life,
Katy ?" asked Lizzie, one evening, as wo all
sat in the cast window, watching the out
coming of the stars and telling girlish
"Destiny, my child." answered Katy,
stopping to replace tha little boot she had
thrown off to rest, her foot.
"But. you might have been an authoress,
or a painter, or a book-keeper, or "
Lizzie's knowledge of this world was
rather limited ; Katy broko in upon her.
"There, that, will do. I was not born a
genius and I hate arithmetic."
" But you did not always have to work for
a living Katy?" said Mary. "You aro a
lady, 1 know."
Katy laughed a queer, short laugh.
" Yes,"' she said, " and that's why I don't
know how to get my living in any way but
this. So behold mo a healthy and honest
She rose, made a little bow, and a flourish
with her little hands, and we all laughed,
although she had said nothing funny.
"Miliy," said she, "please light the lamp
and got the magazines, while I hunt up my
thimble and thread. Ladies, T find myself
under the necessity of mending my gloves
this evening. Oh, poverty! where is thy
sting? In a shabby glove, I do believe, for
nothing hurts me like that, unless it be a de
Katy's gloves were a marvel to us. She
never wore any but of good quality, and al
ways the same color a brownish, neuttal
tint that harmonized with almost any dress
but just now a new pair would seem to be
the thing needful, from the appearance of
the ones she brought out.
She sat and patiently mended the little
rents, while I read aloud, and when she had
finished the gloves looked almost new.
The next day was Saturday, and we had a
half holiday. Katy and I went to make
some slight purchases and on our way home
stopped at tiie big-boarding house, to see one
of the girls who was ill. When we came out
Katy ran across the street to get a magazine
from the news-shop, and came hurrying up
to overtake me before I turned the corner.
She had the magazine open and one of her
hands was ungloved, but it was not until we
reached home that she found she had lost a
glove. It was too late then to go and look
for it. We went and searched, for it in the
morning, but could not find it.
Katy mourned for it ,
"It was my only pair, girls," said she,
tragically; " and it is a loss that cannot be
What people call a " panic " had occurred
in financial circles in the spring after Ar
thur had lost his Katy, and almost without
a day's warning he found himself a poor man.
He left his affairs in the hands of his credi
tors havingsatisfied himself that they could
gather enough from the wreck to save them
selves and set his face to London.
He had been educated for a physician,
though fortune made a merchant of him.
Learning from a friend that there was an
opening for a doctor in Fenwick, he came
thither and began to practice.
. Doctor Sewell had gone off on a visit, leav
ing his patients in charge of the new doctor;
and so it came about that on that Saturday
evening he was on his way to visit Maggie
just after turning the corner near the news
shop, he saw a brown glove lying on the pave
ment. He was about to pass itby;buta
man's instinct to pick up anything of value
thatseems to havenoowner, made him put it
in his pocket . He forgot all about it the next
But when he had made his call and re
turned to his consulting room, in taking a
paper from his pocket the glove fell out, and
he picked it up and looked at it with idle
It w.'is old, but well preserved. It had
been mended often, but so neatly as to make
him regard mending as one of the fine arts.
It had a strangely familiar look to him. Lit
tle and brown and shapely, it lay on his knee,
bearing the very form of the hand that had
And as he gazed at it there came to him
the memory of an hour many months past,
when he had sat by Katy's side on the green
sof.i in thediuing-room of their houso (alas!)
and watched her pnb her small hands into a
small pair of brown gloves so much like this
Ever since that never-to-be-forgotten day
the vision of his lost love sitting there in
the fading light, slowly drawing on her
glove, her sweet eyes filling as they talked
quarreled, we should say, perhaps had
gone with him as an abiding memory of her
until he had come to know each shade of the
picture the color of the dress, the ribbon at
the throat, and the shaded plume in her hat.
He looked at the littlo glove a long time.
He had thought itmight belong to one of the
factory girls, as he had found it near the
lodging-house. But it did not look like a
"factory-hand's" ;love. He wou1:! ask Mag
gie Lloyd, at any rate ; so he put it in his
pocket until he should make his calls the
He had suffered the glove to become so as
sociated with the memory of the past that was
sacred to him thathefclt his cheek burn and
his hand tremble as he drew it forth to show
it to Maggie, who was sitting in the comfort
of convalescence in an arm chair by the win
dow, watching the handsome young doctor
write the prescription for her benefit.
" By the way, Miss Maggie, do you know
whose glove this is ?"
Maggie knew it at once. It was Miss
The name made his heart beat again.
" Yes ; she lodges with Mrs. Howell, quite
out of town, almost. She was here to seo me
" Oh, I see!" said he, not the most relev
antly. " And caa you tell me how to find
Mrs. Howell's house? I suppose I could go
by and restore this glove to the owner?"
Mary and Lizzie wentto church that Sun
day morning. Katy declared she could not
go, having but one glove. I stayed at home
with her and offered to keep Mrs. Howell's
children for her and so persuaded that wor
thy woman to attend worship with the girls.
And this is how it came about that, while
wo were having a frolic on the carpet with
the children in Mrs. Howell's room, Ave heard
a ring at the door; and Bridgethaving taken
herself off somewhere, there was no help for
it but for one of us to answer the summons.
"You go, Katy!" whispered I, in dismay.
"I cannot appear."
Katy glanced serenely at her own frizzy
head in tho looking- rlass, gave a pull at her
oveiikirt and a toivh to her collar and
opci-ed the door.
Immediately afterwards I was shocked by
hearing her utter a genuine feminine scream,
and seeing her drop ou tho floor; and that
man, a porfi-ct stranger to mo, gathered her
up in his anus and bi'gan raving over her iu
a manner that astonisned me. He called her
" his darling" and " Ids own Katy," and ac
tually kissed her before I could reach her.
I was surprised at myself afterwards that
I hadn't ordorcd that gentleman out; but it
never occurred to me at the time, and when
Katy "camo to" and sat up on the sofa and
heard his speeches, shesceinedso well pleased
that 1 left them and took the children up to
tho room feeling bewildered all over.
What sli-dl I say further? Only that Katy
live3 in the pretty house in tho town known
as Dr. Ciaig's residence, where we three "fac
tory girls" have a homo whenever we want
it. And there are no liquors found on her
sideboard nor at her table.
One day 1 heard Arthur say, "you were a
silly child, Kate, to run away from me. I
should havo given up the point at last, I
"But there would have been the splendid
cellar and the ten thousand a year," answered
she. " It would have been such a tempta
tion. We are safer as it is, dear."
A MIGHT OF HORROR.
"And you arc sure you will not he afraid?"
they asked for tho hundredth time, as they
leaned from the carriage to bid me good-bye.
"But then, added mother, reassuringly,
"there is no occasion to be, with three ser
vants in the house as good as gold. Besides,
no one can possibly have heard of our going
to-night, as. we decided so suddenly; so it
will not be known that you are alone."
"No," I replied, laughing, "I will not be
afraid. Phill will be here until ton, you
know, and after that I shall sleep until
So they left me, and after a hearty supper
I sat upon the porch and waited, with no
more fear in my heart than if Caesar's
Guards had been stationed in the very yard.
"Afraid, indeed !" I exclaimed, indignantly;
then forgot all about it, and thought only of
htm who was coming. Even Phill seemed
worried over my being left alone, and wanted
to drive back for his sister to keep me com
pany; but I only laughed at hi3 nonsense
until he realized how silly it all was. As he
was leaving the moon shone down' upon ns
full, round and bright.
"The very idea," I said, "of robbers upon
such a night? Don't you know they hate
Ho took.my hand gently between' his own
and slipped over my finger a magnificent
"There, I have turned robber myself," he
said, "and your father is my victim. I have
robbed him of you."
Even in the moonlight it flashed brilliantly
as I turned to look at it.
"I have read somewhere," he went on
lightly, "that every wedding ring worn rep
resents a man's impudence and a woman's
folly. Do you think that of our engage
ment?" "Well, under oiher cireumstauces, I might;"
T returned, laughing carelessly, "but you,
oh, I have known you so long. That makes
all the difference in the world, you know. I
could never grow up with another sweet
heart. I havo crown up with you."
And then, well then he became serious,
and again anxious about my staj'ing in the
house with only the servants.
"It seems almost cruel to leave you alone,
little woman, brave as you are," he said ten
derly. "Are you sure you are not afraid ? Is
there any money or other attraction for
thieves about the house just at this time?"
"Only my ring," I returned, fhishing it in
1 fe covered that with his hand and then
"It is generally known that your father at
times handles considerable sums of money;
but there is no occasion to suppose that any
is on hand at present?"
"Yes, I remember there are some bonds in
the house now. I am to lock them in ray
room to-night, and father will place them in
"And is this known?" he asked anxiously.
" No; of that I am sure."
"Then there can be no danger. I would
leave you a pistol, only you are so unskillful
you might shoot yourself instead of the rob
ber. But there cannot possibly be any dan
ger," ho reiterated, and stooping over kissed
our ring, and then was gone.
1 know not how long I had slept when I
heard a noise as if some one rubbing and
tugging in tho effort of climbing, and then
a shadow fell in tho room from tho roof of
the porch. I turned my head but slightly,
and there was a figure in the very act of
raising the window. If they only spare my
life, I prayed, silently, they can take all else,
and then I thought of my beautiful ring. It
lay in the full glare of the moonlight, as my
hand rested upon the coverlid; but the win
dow had beea noiselessly slipped up by this
time, and one masked head was already in
side, so I dared not even move my hand be
neath tho cover. The bonds were in a small
cabinet, which I had placed on tho mantel
piece before retiring. The two muflled forms
madediivctly for that, which could be plainly
seen in the pale light.
"Here it is now," came in a distinct
whisper. "Is there anything else worth the
"Nothing worth the risk," the other re
plied, "except " and then they both
looked at my hand. One figure approached,
and stooping over, dropped his mask. It was
the work of a second to replace it, but in
that time I had recognized Phill. Ho looked
me full in the face.
"You saw me," ho said, in an undertone,
" bu t tho world shall never know ; and taking
' a rope from his companion, he commenced
lashing me to tho bed. I felt that it meant
death ; how, I could not tell, but if help had
been in the adjoining room I could not have
summoned it. There were dozens of yards
of the rope, which they wound round and
round me, until I was bound fast. The same
hand that had so tenderly placed the ring
upon my finger but a few hours before, now
roughly tore it from me; then they both
withdrew, leaving the window still raised.
I distinctly heard them descend the pillars of
the porch, and afterwards moving about be
low. A queer, cracking noise, that shortly
turned to a rushing as of wind, came in
through the open window. Surely there was
other light besides that of the moon. Yes,
there it was beyond doubt a luridglarc that
sent hideous figures dancing across the ceil
ing and drove out tho moonlight! This,
then, was to be my fate; I with everything
else was io be destroyed. As the horror of
the situation flashed upon me, strength like
that of a lion was given me. Working
noiselessly with my feet I managed to pull
the cover from tinder the ropes. This loos
ened the cords that bound me, and one arm
was worked out. By this time there was a
great shouting in the distance, for the flames
had awakened the neighbors, who called
lustily to each other, as they came rushing
towards tho house. I, too, screamed now,
but my voice was" lost in the noise of the
crackling flames, which completely wrapped
the end of the house in their writhing, fiery
arms. Working my way out of the ropes,
I somehow reached the window, and stand
ing upright in it, looked out at the crowd be
low. "Jump!" came thundering from the black,
moving mas3. "Jump!" it is your only
Closing my eyes tightly, I sprang out over
tho hissing flames into the darkness beyond,
but landed upon the soft velvet rug at ray
bedside, in the bright morning sunshine that
was streaming into the room. My ring
gleamed gaily from my finger, and a low
whistle came from beneath the window.
Hastily dressing I looked out.
"Is it you?" asked Phill, lovingly; "are
you well, and were yon afraid ! I have been
here for hours. I could not sleep for think
ing about yon, so returned. Come down
into the sunshine, won't you, and repay mo
for my long, louely visril ?"
THE TOMBS OF FOUR GREAT KEN.
Four of tho world's greatest composers
have found a final resting place in Vienna,
namely, Yon Beethoven, Mozart, Gluck and
Schubert. On Beethoven's tombstone is
inscribed tho simple word "Beethoven."
Gluck and Schubert lie close together, and
over Schubert's simple mound are the
"Here Vienna buried great gins, but even greater
"Here lies Franz Schubert."
Mozart lies in the old graveyard of St.
Marx, in the quarter for the poor. It is a
sad reflection ono of the world's mental
peers was buried as a pauper. Joseph
Haydn, "Father Haydn," as the Viennese
lovingly named him, lies far distant from his
loved Danube, in Hungary. Bach is sup
posed to lie buried at Leipzig, although
the exact location of his grave is unknown.
Handel reposes in that grand national
mausoleum, Westminster Abbey. Mendels
sohn lies in the old Jewish burying ground
at Berlin. Chopin rests in Perc la Chase,
Paris, and the tomb of Cherubini is in Flor
ence, surrounded by tombs bearing such
names as Dante, Galileo, Michael Angelo,
Medici, and others of no less note, which
seems to point to Italy ns the foster-mother
and cradle of music, as indeed of all the other
arts. These great minds are still with us iu
the spirit, and the fruits of their genius
still remain to purify, to ennoble and bless.
A number of yeais ago some miners in
Wales, in exploring an old pit that had long
been closed, found the bod' of a young man
dressed in a fashion long out of date. The
peculiar action of tho air of the mine was
such as preserved the body so perfectly that
it appeared asleep rather than dead. The
miners were puzzled at the circumstance.
No onein the district had been missed within
their remembrance, and at last j t was resolved
to bring in the oldest inhabitant an old
lady long past her 80th year, who had lived
single in the village the whole of her life.
On being taken into the presence of the body
a very strange scene occurred. The old lad'
fell on the corpse and kissed it, and addressed
it by evory term of endearment spoken in a
bygone generation. He was her only love,
and she had awaited for him during her long
life. Sho knew he had not forsaken her.
The old lady and the young man had been
betrothed sixty years before. The lover had
disappeared mysteriously, and she had kept
her faith during the long interval. Time
had stood still with the young man, but had
left its mark on the woman. The minors
who were present were a rough set, butverj'
gently and with tearful eyes they removed
the old lady to her houso, and that night her
faithful spirit rejoined that of her long-lost
rrudery is a perfumo that conceals viti
Happiness ia like the echo ; it answers you,
but it dot's not come.
Contradiction animates conversation ; that
is why courts are so wearisome.
None but the contemptible aro apprehen
sive of contempt.
Justice without strength, and stronglh
without justice: fearful misfortunes.
Many often judge the person, but not tho
cause, which is not injustico, but malice.
They that would not eat forbidden fruit
must not come near the forbidden treo.
The two powers which constitute a wise
man are those of bearing and forbearing.
Happiness is alwajs the inaccessible castle
which sinks in ruin when we set foot on it.
Never exhibit too great a familiarity with
a new acquaintance; you may give offense.
Tho power to do groat things generally
arises from tho willingness to do little
What we charitably forgive will be re
compensed as well as what we charitably
There is but one way to keep from being
dunned, and that i never to run in debt.
A woman's dress is like the envelope of a
letter the cover is frequently an index to
A failure establishes only this, that our
determination to do something was not
Our chief want in life is somebody who
shall make us do what wo can. This is the
service of a friend.
There are three ways of getting out of a
scrape write out, back out, and the best way
is to keep out.
WHITTIER ON ANNOYANCES IN HEA
VEN. I related something of a conversation be
tween Mr. Longfellow and myself on spirit
ualism a few months before his death, or,
rather, a conversation on the influence and
nearness which many persons experience in
regard to those who were dear to them and
fchave gone into the mysteries of eternity.
Mr. Whittier listened with interest, adding
that he was aware that Mr. Longfellow had
some remarkable ideas and sympathies of
the kind, but had never talked with him on
the subject, "and for myself," he added, "I
have felt but very slightly that closcuess
and nearness of tho unseen of which you
speak." After a few moments, in the pro
gress of our talk, he remarked: "Life is a
mystery death is a mystery." I am like
the Chinese philosopher, Confucius, who,
when he was asked 'What is death?' an
swered, ' Life is such a mystery that I do
not seek to penetrate what is beyond it.' "
"May I ask if yon believe in the progress of
the soul after death ? " "Why not? Surely
we are not to be placed in niches to remain
forever. We shall (fonbtless there have what
we lack here harmony and that is my
idea of heaven." "No troubles, no vexa
tions?" "Well, I do not think so. It seems to
me we must there, as well as here, have some
annoyances, to be quite content, in contrast."
This was a novel idea, and I laughed in ap
preciation of it, and said : " Then yon do not
fancy a supreme satisfaction and content."
" No, no, not I," laughing merrily. " Bnt we
meet people who are thoroughly delighted
with themselves and their surroundings very
frequently." "True, and thee hast seen
clams at high tide; they remind me of such
people. Ah! we shall have some trials in
the life beyond (and here the poet's fine
dark eyes lighted up with a rare intelligence)
but our happiness will be all the sweeter,
and everything will be harmonized." Mrs.
Ellen E. Dickinson.
AN ELECTRIC ICE STORM IN TEXAS.
Texas is a country of marvels. Wonder
ful things are constantly happening. Strange
stories aro told, and stranger truths are de
veloped. A week ago to-day a cloud a little
larger than a man's hand passed over the
Big Wichita valley, eighteen miles north of
us. It lingered but a moment, yet in that
moment unheard of things transpired. It
did not hail, but there dropped electric ice.
Pieces of ice five inches in diameter, fifteen
inches around, were hurled from the upper
realms, dashing upon the gronnd like cannon
balls from heavy artillery. Dozens of pieces
were gathered up and weighed and found to
run from fifteen to twenty ounces. One
piece broke through the new pine shingles
on Tom Gee's house, and descending went
through the pine ceiling over the sitting
room. At another house, Colonel Whaley's
we believe, a piece struck the stovepipe pro
jecting from the roof and cut itoffas smooth
as could have been done by an immense
clea r. A number of sheep on Stine Bros',
farm were killed, and we haveheard of a few
cattle having their legs broken. Fortunate
ly there were but one or two pieces to the
acre fell. Had they fallen in numbers like
hail stones usually come, the entire district
would have been one vast ruin a mingled
heap of animal and vegetable life gone out.
The other day the driver of a Baker street
car put his head in at the door and glared
around upon twelve passengers and called
" Who put that nickle with a hole in it in
the fare box?"
Every woman sat bolt upright, and every
man saw something through the opposite
" Who put that nickle in?" continued the
driver in tones that racked every breast.
Five women looked down on the floor,
and seven men looked suspiciously at each
" Because whoever it was must put me in
a good one," said the driver, as he glared at
each onein turn.
The suspense was now dreadful. The
women began to breathe hard, and fonr out
of the seven men turned red in the face. At
length as the tension became intense, a man
who had been deeply interested in a maga
zine, arose and said :
" It couldn't have been me, for I was try
ing to beat the company out of my fare; but
I will drop in a dime in order to-end this
melancholy scene and let the car go on."
" Which I don't want this 'ere occurrence
to occur again," muttered the driver, and he
shut the door and persuaded the horse to
awako and move on.
THE FIVE OBEDIENT HUSBANDS.
There were five of them together, and it
was late. They had been drinking. Finally
one of them looked at the clock, and said :
" What will our wives say when we come
" Let them say what they want to. Mine
will tell me to go to the mischief," responded
" I'll tell you what we will do. Let us
meet here again in the morning, and tell our
experiences. Let tho one who has refused
to do what his wife told him to when he got
home pay for this evening's entertainment."
"That's a good idea. We will agree to
that." So the party broke up and went to
their respective homes.
Next morning they met at the appointed
place, and began to tell their experiences.
Said No. 1 :
"When I opened tho door my wife was
awake. She said, 'A pretty time of night
for yon to be coming home. You had better
go out and sleep in the pig-pen, for that's
what you will come to sooner or later, any
how. ' Rather than pay for all we had
drunk last night, I did what she told me to.
That let's me out."
No. 2 cleared his throat, and said :
" "When I got home I stumbled over a chair,
and my wife called, ' There you are again,
you old drunken brute! You had better
wake up the children, and stagger about the
room for awhile; so they can see what a
drunken brute of a father they are aQlicted
with.' I thought the best thing I could do
under the circumstances was to obey ; so I
woke up the children and staggered around
until my wife hinted to me to stop. She
used a chair in conveying the hint. That
let's me out."
No. :i spoke up, and said :
" I happened to stumble over the pan of
dough, and my wife said, 'Drunk again!
Hadn't you better sit down in that dough ?'
So I sat down in it, and that let's mo out."
No. 4 said :
"I was humming a tuno, and nay wife
! called out, 'There yon are again! Hadn't
j you btter give ns a concert?' I said, ' Cer-
taiuly,' and began to siog as loud as I could,
', but she told mo to stop, or she would throw
something at me; so I stopped. That let's
i me out."
No. 5 looked very disconsolate. He said :
"I reckon I'll have to pay. My wife told
me to do something none of yon would have
done, if yon had been in my place."
"What was it?"
"Sho said, 'So you thought you would
come home at last ! Now, hadn't you better
go out to ,the well and drink a couple of
buckets of water just to astonish your stom
ach ?' That was more than-1 had bargained
for; so it's my funeral."
Tho LoTclinoss or Love How the Tcntler-hcarted
Chicago Swain is Captured.
" Yes, George, what is it?" replied the girl,
glancing shyly upward.
The radiant glory of a summer moon
shone down upon the earth this June night,
bathing in all its mellow splendor the leafy
branches of tho sturdy old oaks that had for
centuries shaded the entrance to Castlr.
McMurtry and laughed defiance to the
fierce gales that every winter came howling
down in all their cruel force and fury from
the moorlands lyinu to the westward of tho
castle. On the edge of tho broad demesne
that stretched away to the south stood a
largo brindlc cow, and as the moonlight
flecked with silvery luster her starboad ribs
she seemed to Myrtle a perfect picture of
sweet content and almost holy calm.
"Is it not a beautiful night, dearest?"
murmured the girl. "See how the moon
beams flutter down through the trees, mak
ing strange lights and shadows that flit
among the shrubs aud flowers in such a
weird, ghost-like fashion. The dell is in
deed 'clothed in loveliness to-night, sweet
heart." "Yes," said George W. Simpson, " this is
the boss dell" and then, looking down into
the pure, innocent face that was lifted to
his, he took in his own broad, third-baso
palm the little hand that erstwhile held up
Myrtle's polonaise. As they stood there
silently in the bosky glade George passed
his arm silently but firmly around Myrtle's
The noble girl did not shy.
"Do you love me. sweetheart?" he asked
in accents that were tremulous with tremu
lousness. Myrtle's head was drooping now, and the
rosy blushes of Calumet avenue innocence
were chasing each other across her peachy
George drew her more closely to him. If
a mosquito had tried to pass between them,
it would have been bad for the mosquito.
"Canyon doubt me, darling?" he whis
pered. "Yon surely must knowthat I love
you with a wild, passionate, whoa-Emma
love that can never die. Do you not love
me a little in return?"
For an instant the girl did not speak.
George heard the whisking of the brindlo
cow's tail break in rudely upon the solemn,
stillness of the night, and ever and anon
came the dull thud of the bullfrog as he
jumped into a neighboring pond. Presently
Myrtle placed her arms about his neck, and,
with a wistful, baby's-got-the-cramp look
in her sweet face, she said to him : "I love
yon, George, with a deathless devotion that
will eventually keep you broke." And with
these fateful words she adjusted her rumpled
bang and fearlessly led the way to an. ice
WIT AND HUMOR.
Why is death like a tin can tied to a yel
low dog's tail? Because it is bound to oc
cur. At Brighton, England, lives a very tender
hearted lady. One morning a blue-bottle
fly was bumping his head against the
window-pane. "Uane," said she to the
servant, " open the window and let the poor
fly out." " But it is pouring with rain I "
said Jane. "Yon have a kind heart, Jane;
let him into the next room, where it is
warm, and when the shower is over, let him
Two brokers were watching a lady who
was sitting in the gallery yesterday, and
wondering who she was, when they noticed
another broker walk up and speak to her.
" Now I know who she is," said one of the
brokers. " She's Jack's wife." " How do you
know ? " " Because he neither took off hi3
hat nor shook hands when he spoke to her."
That settled it.
A bad beginning: Hncle Nacc and Aunt
Sinkey, his wife, were out in Austin avenue
buying some things a few days ago. The
old woman bought a handkerchief, the color
of which did not suit Uncle Nace, and he
said, angrily: "You have made apoor
choice. You hain't got no taste." "I know
I has bad taste, but de fust poor selection I
made was when I tuck you."
Said the raster: "We never used to get
any money in the contribution box, but
lately I havo arranged to have two or threo
of our most prominent men and pretty girls
stand in the vestibule while the people coma
in, so they can see who puts the money in,
aud the box is doing quite well." It takes
a business man to run a church as well as a
" Are yon going to take that ngly pug
dog with you again, Carrie? " asked Charles.
" I really believe yon take him simply to
make yourself look prettier by the contrast"
"Don't be jealous of poor Pug, Charley,"
replied Carrie. " I'll take you some timo
when I want to look especially handsome."
Michael's wife was leaning over tho bank
of the canal washing some clothes. A boat
man on the towpath, observim her. snH
"MiKe, aren't you afraid r.lrs. afullanej
will fall in and get drowned r" ''Lwu.4
bit," responded her husband, "she can swim
like a tailor's goo3e."
Said Edith : Mr. Squire told mo last night,
when I was out walking with him, that ho
i would never marry." Said Alice : He
said the same to me when I was-wim mm
the night before, but he mentioned your
name immediately afterwards,"
Should and does: "Who shall decide
when doctors disagree?" We don't know
who should, but we know that the underta
ker generally doc3.
A philosopher says: "The man who
laughs is the sympathetic man." It is as
tonishing how many sympathisers a man
has when he falls down and hurts himself.
No woman would be happy to be the only
woman in the world and havo all tho men
worship her. She wouldn't bo satisfied.
She wanta anothor woman, to envy hex.