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THE NATIONAL TKIBUXE: WASHINGTON, B. C, SEPTEMBER 9, 1882.
GOOD-NIGKT, DEAR ONE.
Good-night! Good-night! The stars are out in
White points of lipht nlonj: the wide black nky ;
The earth is wrapped in darkness as a mnntle,
And sad and slow the whispering winds sweep
Good-nipht! Good-night! The morn that breaks
T.Iay dawn upon a brighter world than, this !
liny shine upon a land that knows no night-time;
Bond down and givo me, love, your good-night
One kiss before I close my eyes in slumber
Tired eyes, already longing for the light;
Pnrlmns. who knows, my dreams my be
So one hist kiss ! Good-night, my love, good
ROMANCE OF AN OLD MAID,
BY CHIJISTIAN L. WOODRUFF.
Don't think I know nothing of men be
cause I am an old maid. I have seen what
would have wrung tears of blood from my
eyes, had not my soul died long ago. "Walt
and I will tell you the story of Isabel Linar.
She was but you are not to think because
lhis Isabel was a willful girl and an heiress,
and because she had a handsome face and a
fine intellect, but a miserable body, curved
in the spine, bowed in the chest, stunted
and thin, that I am telling my own story.
"Who or what I am can't concern you ; and,
besides, I hate people who draw conclusions.
Suffice it, that Isabel's deformity was not
an inseparable bar between her und the rest
of mankind. Dresses skillfully made, and
her superb hair, that, tell in curls to her
waist, went far toward veiling the defects of
her figure; certain bonds and mortgages,
houses in town, and broad acres in the coun
try, of which she was sole heiress, did still
more. There were actually found two
broken-down sporting men and three wid
owers who for the above substantial consid
erations would have bestowed on her their
precious selves; but Isabel, with her usual
perversity, chose to consider it a mere mat
ter of business, and answered their proposi
tions through her lawyer. And so time wore
on, and she had reached her twentieth year.
I have seen her portrait taken at that
time. Her hair of that lovely brown that
here and there mellows into gold, hung in
heavy curls about her shoulders, and, to
gether with her superb shawl, almost con
cealed the peculiarity of her figure. Her
forehead was low, broad, and as white and
smooth asivory : her eyes large and intensely
black, with long lashes, and beautifully
marked eyebrows. The only feature of her
face that was not beautiful was her mouth, and
even that was small, with full, well cut lips,
and remarkably fine teeth, but a something in
the downward curves of the corners aud the
fine lines about it,not yet widened and deep
ened by the heavy hand of Time, betokened
she only shadowed forth the future woman.
Had she never gone but why anticipate
or regret? Not her own girlish fancy sent
her to Egerton, to spend the summer with
her Uncle David Linar a quiet place, shut
in among the hills, with nothing about it to
attract the petted heiress. It was fate in
exorable, unpitying driving a" child enrsed,
perhaps, for her parent's sins to her doom.
It is useless, then, to say: "Had she not
gone." She was forced there. ""--?
The family was small only her uncle and
his wife, sound, fresh, smiling old 'people,
-whom everyone calls benevolent because
they are too stupid and lazy not to take life
easy and their son, Philip no country
lad, but a man in the prime of life, well ed
ucated, smooth tongued, city bred one of
the finer specimens of snake, with shining
ekin and golden spots. How was Isabel to
know of tho deadly poison hidden under
that fair exterior?
Everything about the old house pleased
her. The rooms were wide and airy trees
shaded the doors aud vines clustered
about the windows; and such peace reigned
there that the simple girl took it for Eden.
She was in no way discontented by the
marked attentions of Philip, for love or
marriage had never been considered by her
as possibilities, and she received them all in
the light of mere brotherly kindness. He read
to her hour after hour, sitting on tho broad,
sun-flecked piazza leaves murmuring and
bustling about them, and water dancing in
the sunlight not ten paces from them. In
tbe long, rosy twilight they sang together
the cool, moonlight nights saw them gallop
ing miles over the surrounding country.
"Wceksrolled away, and to be together became
their habit Drop by drop the subtle poison
distilled itself through her veins, and she
dreamed of no danger until she found her
belf flushing and trembling at his approach,
her heart leaping up with a secret thrill to
meet him, while her manner, in spite of
herself, was formal aud awkward all the old
careless ease gone, and in its place a tremor,
and a hurry, and a pain that was, after all, half
pleasure. Then, being a sensible girl, she
called the thing by its right name, and
looked the "presence" that had taken up its
abode with her, uninvited, in the face.
" You are Love," she said boldly, " and I
have been a fool and let you in. But, since
you are here, you shall not rule me. If I
cannot drive you out I can starve you."
And, going up j stairs, she packed her
trunks, and announced to her aunt that aho
was going home that very day.
Philip heard, and waited silently till the
usual storm of arguments dissuasive aud
persuasive had exhausted themselves.
Then he took Isabel's hand and led her to
the window, where she could see the horses
"You will take one more rido with me,
will you not?" he murmured, with a glance
that she found it hard to resist.
She had promised to starve out her secret
heart-visitor; but it is probable that she
concluded to delay the process till she
reached home, for she went.
The ride was a silent one. Philip seemed
actually speechless. Isabel was busy re
proaching herself for her weakness, and
they might have gone the length of the
forest without a word, had not Isabel's horse
shied suddenly at something in the road,
throwing her heavily to the ground. In an
instant Philip was out of his saddle kneel
ing beside her.
"Iwibel! love! darling! are yon hurt?" he
asked, breathlessly. "Isabel, speak! how
can you torture me when I love you so
dearly ? Tell me, aro you inj ured ? "
Isabel, who was only suffering from mor
tification at her careless riding, opened her
large eyes in genuine terror
"Philip, are you mad?" she asked, trying
to free herself from his grasp ; " or have you
forgotten what stands between me and all
human sympathy ? " "What right have you
to utter, or I to listen, to such words? I,
the deformed the "
" Not to me," he interrupted, passionately.
" You aro fair as an angel in my sight. I
have read your pure soul in the depths of
your wonderful eyes; and it is that I love
not the shell, the baser part. 0, Isabel ! I
might never have dared to tell you, because
of your wealth ; but, truly, and fervently,
and unchangeably, I love you."
A month from that time they were mar
ried. Uncle aud Aunt Linar opened their
eyes, indeed ; but, as Aunt Linar said :
"Isabel was a good girl, and though it
was a strange enough fancy, Philip seemed
set on it."
The bonds and mortgages, and broad acres,
I doubt if she mentioned even to herself,
though the charitable world gave that fact
tho prominence, loudly proclaiming that
"Philip Linar had made a decided good
thing of it!"
The world, however, .might talk as it
pleased the young husband and wife heard
it not; nor would have cared if they did.
They were spending tho honeymoon in the
old homestead of Isabel's father's old and
somber no longer now, but airy and gay,
with its new frescoes and galleries and furni
ture as the spirit of the bride herself. Like
others raised to affluence from the depths of
poverty, she was prodigal of her new in
heritance of happiness. Now that she was
sure of it (for, until her wedding day, she
had lived beset by a haunting dread lest
some'thing should snatch it from her), she
longed to bestow a portion of it on others,
and so she wrote to Lina Haight the only
friend she ever had to como to her, and re
joice in the sunlight with her.
Invitations from people with eight or ten
thousand a year are seldom slighted, and a
week after Lina came a girl about Isabel's
own age, pretty enough with her blue eyes,
dazzling skin, regular features, and wealth
of golden hair, but a very marvel of beauty
and development. Her long, sloping shoul
ders, rounded chin, and pillar-like throat
melting into her white neck, perfect arms
and rosy, tapering finger.-, Avero the very
realization of a sculptor's dream ; and though
she had little character, small intelligence
and no intellectuality, all her movements
wore graceful, her voice low and pleasant,
and her manner shy, clinging and conciliat
ing. In a week's time she had niched her
self into the household and its ways. In a
mouth she had assumed various little respon
sibilities, and seemed fairly installed as a
member of the family, to no one's satisfaction
more than that of Isabel, especially as time
began to show her some flaws in her wedded
happiness and her need of other friendship
beside that of her husband. .
Like a cloud darkening a summer day
stole into her soul the first warning of evil in
an indefinable coolness between herself and
Philip. Heiress and mistress of large estates,
she had never learned to yield ; Philip must
be obeyed. There were no quarrels, but
secret heart-burnings and smothered anger.
Isabel stormed and wept, and was half the
time sullen. Philip preserved a cold equa
nimity, more exasperating than actual out
rage ; it ended, of course, in Isabel's deciding
to yield (Nature has so ordained it that all
men aro mean hypocrites and all women
fools). Being no exception, Isabel, after a
day spent in tears in her room, dressed her
self with unusual care and went down to
greet her husband with the news of uncon
ditional surrender. She waited till the usual
hour for his coming was past. Then, tired of
sitting alone in the fast darkening parlors,
she sent up for Lina; but the servant came
back with word that she was out. Half
vexed, she snatched up her garden hat and
went out toward the orchard at tho back of
There, under the shade of an old apple
tree, sat Philip, and by him Lina. Isabel
stood at the style like one thunderstruck.
She had been sitting at home waiting for her
husband, and he was there with her friend,
looking into Lina's blue eyes as once he had
looked into hers. Here came cooler thoughts
Philip often came that way to shorten the
road. Lina had strolled out there, or was
sitting under the tree, and he hnd joined
her. That was all. How absurd to-be jeal
ous; and yet, try as she would, she felt that
in spite of her, her voice was cold and al
tered, and her look suspicious, when the tru
ants at last came home.
"You are late," she said to Philip.
"Yes," he answered, with an affectation of
gayety. " I started at the usual hour, but
was detained on tho road, and came home
with fearful forebodings of your wrath, and
cold tea, till I was consoled by meeting Lina
at the gate a companion in misfortune,
having been belated also."
Isabel's heart sank within her. If there
was nothing to conceal, why should he stoop
to falsehood ? She glanced at Lina. Her
fair face was perfectly crimson.
"Slake no excuses, returned Isabel, coldlr.
"I saw you in the orchard, and can bear
witness that you both seemed to have excel
lent reasons for lingering."
Philip bit his lip, and Lina turned deadly
pale; but neither attempted an answer; and
all the rest of that long, miserable evening
the silence was unbroken till Lina rose, and,
bidding them a timid good night, hurried
from the room. Then Isabel laid down the
work over which she had been so uncom
monly busy all the evening, and folding her
arms fixed her brilliant eyes steadily on her
husband's face, who had tried to veil his
confusion under the pretense of reading, but
that searching look penetrated alike through
his book and his flimsy subterfuge. He
coughed, turned over the leaves restlessly,
shifted his position, jumped up and paced
the room, and still those flaming eyes pur
sued him with their scornful interrogation.
At length he burst out:
"The devil take it, Isabel! what fiend
possesses you ? "What do you mean ? "
"Mean? Have I said anything?" she
asked, with an affectation of surprise.
"No! I'd a thousand times rather you
had, than to sit there looking like like
Satan himself. Why don't you speak? Out
with it all! There's a pretty catalogue of
fears and suspicions, no doubt. A jealous
woman can't be called a sane person."
Isabel sat silent.
"Come!" he urged roughly, apparently
trying to work himself into a passion to stifle
his own secret upbraidings. " You needn't
be dumb now! I understand you thor
oughly. You are jealous, and of Lina."
"Well, have not I cause ? " she asked
meaningly, still keeping her eyes 'fastened
on his face,
Philip hesitated ; but her look seemed to
force tho truth from him.
""Well, if you will have it," he said at
length" yes. You ought to haye known
that I was acting under the influence of
moral delirium when I married you, and been
too generous to take advantage of it. No
man can long love an abortion, a monstrosity,
blot on nature. I was bewildered by your
arts. Now I am in my senses. If you de
sire to know that I love Lina I answer, yes.
She is fair and straight as I am. Our union
is monstrous and unnatural; one with her
would not be ; and though I did not mean
to tell you so soon, since it must all come
out, you may as well know that I intend
procuring a divorce."
" You cannot ! " answered Isabel, a great
red spot burning on either cheek and her
eyes flashing, but otherwise as quietly as
though engaged in ordinary conversation.
" I will not consent."
" No, never ! There is no cause, no legal
artifice by which you can make justice your
abettor in a crime. Much as Lina has
wronged mo I will save her from you at
least; and I will say again, I will not con
sent, were it my death warrant. More than
that, from this moment till the time that I
myself restore her to her father, Lina is under
Philip's eyes began to glow with a danger
"And I say further," continued the impru
dent Isabel, "that no selfish consideration,
no shame or pride, shall withhold me from
acquainting her friends and guardians with
the facts, and warning them against you.
She is both weak and false ; but she may
yet be saved. You "
Tho words died away in gurgling, inar
ticulate sounds. With a hoarse cry Philip
had thrown himself upon her, and, seizing
her slender neck between his hands, was
They found her the next morning appar
ently dead. Fate, however, had not been so
merciful to her. She lived, after weeks of
long and awful strnggliugs between life and
death. Tho guilty couple had fled, but she
made no efforts to trace them, nor was ever
heard to speak their names. She took the
wedding ring from her finger, put on mourn-
ing, aud called
But, because that was my name also, and I,
too, live in a villa on the Hudson that might
once have been bright and gay, do not think
I have told you my own story. Autobio
graphies, short or long, are humbugs, and I
A MARVEL IN STONE.
Liko a Iluqo Li rani, jet ('out!tcrfeitins tho Parts of
3Inny Other Creatures.
A remarkable Indian idol, says a Sedalia
(Mo.) dispatch, was recently taken from
Horse Creek, in Cedar county, Missouri, the
home of the last raound builders. Among
those who were present were P. A. Blair, the
owner and discoverer of the finest lot of mas
todon bones now in the United States, one
who has devoted all his leisure to the style
of literature that would make his opinion of
value in this matter. The subject is of such
importance as to warrant giving the descrip
tion and circumstances of tho finding of the
object the widest publicity. This Indian or
Aztec idol, as it believed to be, is four feet
long, and weighs sixty-four pounds. In
general outline of figure it resembles a huge
lizard or chameleon. It Is carved out of
a slate or lead-colored stone or composition
of moderate hardness, is as smooth as glass,
and shows that it is the work of a person of
fine imagination, intelligence, and skill,
whether he lived one thousand years ago or
is living to-day.
On a closer examination, the idol is found
to be made up of part of a dozen creatures
amphibia, carnivora, insects, reptiles, and
fowls. The top of the head has tho sem
blance of a flat bono plate, aud is shaped like
that of an eagle, with a long, sharp beak.
Near tho middle of tho beak is a horn', like
that of a rhinoceros, and of light yellow
color. The under part of the head is shaped
like that of a turtle or frog, and is of light
yellow. Tho eye is like that of an eagle.
It has four legs, two in front and two be
hind. The legs are shaped exactly like those
of an elephant, have four yellow toes on each
foot, and tho bottom of the feet have the
spongy appearance peculiar to those of an
elephant. Between each pair of legs on the
abdomen is the representation of tho plate
of bone like that on a turtle. On "the back
are two shields, or wing-covers, like those
on the back of a common beetle. Behind
tho legs, and about the middle of the tail, is
a fin divided into four fingers or flap3.' From
the point where tho wings terminate to the
end of tho tail extends a row of diamond
shaped yellow spots. Tho idol is in a perfect
state of preservation, and at a distance of a
few steps looks as if it were alive.
THE FUTURE OP THE HEAD.
Abundant hair is not a sign of. bodily or
mental strength, tho story of Samson having
given rise to tho notion that hairy men aro
strong physically, while the fact is that tho
Chinese, who are tho most enduring of all
races, aro mostly bald, and as to tho supposi
tion that long and thick hair is a' sign and
token of intellectuality, all antiquity, all
madhouses, and all common observation aro
against it. Tho easily wheedled Esau was
hairy. The mighty Caisar was bald. Long
haired men are generally weak and fanatical,
and men with scant hair are the philosophers
and soldiers and statesmen of the world.
ROMANCE OF AN ADOPTED DAUGHTER.
A suit has been commenced in the court
of Knox county, Ohio, to determino the par
ental origin of Mrs. Swann, now living at
Beaver Dam, "Wisconsin. Mrs. Swann, when
an infant, was adopted by Mr. and Mrs.
James E. Woodbridge, of Mount Vernon,
Ohio, her mother, Nancy J. Elliott, agreeing
never to claim her child or make known her
real parentage, and tho Woodbridges prom
ising that the child would be brought up as
their own daughter, and that at their de
cease she should bo their sole heir. In 1870
tho child, now grown up, was married to Dr.
G. E. Swann, both being entirely ignorant of
the real facts of the case. After the death
of Mr. Woodbridge his estate was taken pos
session of by his widow, who then informed
Mrs. Swann that sho was not her child. Mrs.
Woodbridge died in 1875, leaving a will and
naming her brother, It. W. Sheehan, of Tiffin (
Ohio, as executor. Mrs. Swann was unable
to fathom the deep mystery surrounding her
birth until in March, 1882, while on a vis.it
to Mount Vernon with her husband she ob
tained a clue that placed her in possession of
tho secret of her maternity. She now learns
that her mother on several occasions visited
at tho home of Woodbridge and wife while
her little girl was there, but that, pursuant
to her agreement, made at the earnest request
of Mr. Woodbridge, did not disclose to her
child that she was her mother. Suit has
I now been commenced to recover the whole
of the estate, and interesting developments
are promised, as the case will be hotly con
tested, at every step.
WELCOMING BABIES IN JAPAN.
One curious custom in vogue, writes a
Yokohama correspondent, is the exhibition of
a fish on every house where a boy has been
born to the family during the year. This
showing is made during the month of May,
and on the 5th of that month there is a high
festival held; the relatives and friends of
the family making it the occasion of present
ing gifts and toys suitable for boys, as well
as giving clothing fitting for the little chap.
All sorts of child's gear is to be seen on exhi
bition at this time, and no boy is neglected.
The boy is the pride of the household, the
parents testifying their joy in feasting all
comers who honor them by their remem
brances. The girl babies are not forgotten,
but they are accorded another day and a
separate festival time, this being the third
day of the third month the 3d of March.
Then, instead of the fish floating as a sym
bol, the doll is to be seen in abundance, and
all the toys known to the girl world are
lavishly displayed. There is very much of
prido exhibited on both of these child festi
vals, as the gifts presorted are ostentatiously
displayed by the fond parents for the admi
ration of their friends. Diminutive suits of
armor, tiny swords and bows and arrows,
toy horses, with full suits of trappings in
fact, every imaginable thing that goes into
tho make-up of the Japanese warrior of the
olden time are on parade on the oth of May ;
while the 3d of March brings forth all that
is representative of the life and fancies of the
feminine gender. There are many who are
not content to await the full advent of the
time for the display of the fish emblem, so
that during the latter part of April it is no
uncommon thing to see an immense fish,
sometimes two, so constructed that it is filled
by the breeze, floating from a bamboo pole,
heralding the glory that has its lodgment in
the house from which it is exhibited.
Their Antics at a Theatre Drinking Ont Of tho
A Berlin correspondent of tho San Fran
cisco Chronicle, in describing Teutonic pecu
liarities, writes : One sees now and then, at
a theatre, a pair of lovers, and, as German
lovers, especially among the middle classes,
are privileged characters, and do as their
own sweet wills dictate, it is well worth tho
j) rice of admission to see them enjoy them
selves. The first time we ran across such a
couple Chicago and I were shocked. Our
puritanical bringings-up could not reconcile
themselves to the open love-making. Wo
had been used to see love-making indulged
in in conservatories and dark hallways, while
all the public demonstrations that we had
ever been compelled to wink at were sly
hand squeezes and surrepticious glances.
But here the thing was different. This couple
had come to the theatre to amuse themselves,
and while they watched the performance
they did not neglect tho other business on
hand. It was very warm in the theatre that
evening, but tho heated air was not nearly
so warm as their feelings .toward each other.
So they aub very close to each other. Not
only that, but ho had his brawny right arm
around her by no means diminutive waist,
and every minuto or so he would give her a
hug that would nearly inako her black in
the face. But she seemed to like it, for
about every second hug she would look up
in his face with a very touching expression
of mingled lovo, trust and " do-it-agaiu-please"
on her face. And he, whenever this
opportunity offered itself, would imprint a
large kiss upon her upturned face, and gaze
down into her eyes with a look of love that
was truly touching. Between tho fervidity
of their lovo and that of tho theatre air tho
perspiration was rolling down their faces in
miniature cataracts. But that made no dif
ference; they would lay their cheeks to
gether just ns affectionately as if they had
been on the ivy-clad porch of an East Oak
land cottage, with the balmy air of a sum
mer evening playing about them. It seemed
to nle that kisses under such circumstances
must have been rather salty. No doubt they
were; but he seemed to enjoy them for all
their saltiness, while sho fairly reveleld in
them. On tho table in front of them was a
largo quart vessel of beer. Between hugs
and kisses he would hand her the beer; she
would tako a good long pull at it, and pass
it to him, and he, carefully selecting tho
place where her rosy lips had touched the
glass, would also drink. And though this
sort of thing was kept up during the wholo
evening, aud was seen by a large number of
people, no ono but Chicago and I paid any
particular attention to it. Onco in a while
some old, steady German would glance that
way, and his face would light up with a mean
ing smile as he thought of his own exploits in
the same lino "so many years ago," but that
was all. Tho lovers kept up their caresses
just as if there Avasn't another person within
a thousand miles of them.
This custom of several porsons drinking
beer out of the same vessel is not confined to
lovers. Ono sees families solemnly sitting
around a table, witli the beer circulating from
naud to hand, and each taking his or her
share in strict conscientious rotation. In
such cases there is no promiscuous grabbing
at the vessel, and a "first come, first served,"
appropriation of its contents. Like every
thing elso hero in Germany, there must be a
strict routine about tho thing. The father
of tho family always takes tho initiative.
He slowly aud calmly takes his drink. Then
the vessel goes to tho mother. Sho drinks
and passes it to tho eldest sou. From tho
eldest son the vessel passes down tho line of
sons in the'order of their ages. Then it cir
culates among tho daughters, beginning with
the eldest aud winding up with tho youngest
whence it goes back to its station before the
father. Of course, if. the first drinkers aro
thirsty the others do not get their full share.
But there is generally u sort of drinking
honor displayed which assures equal justice
to everybody concerned. And it docs tho
younger portion of the family no good to
look with longing eyes upon tho beer, for it
begins to circulate only wheii the father feels
A SYMPATHETIC WIFE.
It is related of Siebenkees, an eminent
German scholar, that having finished read
ing ono of his beautiful imaginings to his
wife, who appeared to be listening with
bated breath and oyelids cast down, ho closed
the book with inward satisfaction at tho
completion of his labors, only to hear the
sharer of his joys exclaim: "My dear, pray
don't put on your left stocking to-morrow
J see. there is a hole in it."
A Prisoner in a Georgia .Tntl Fasts for Two
The details of a most marvelous case, of
protracted abstinence from food, says the
Macon Telegraph, have just become fully
known, though it has been going on in For
syth, Georgia, for about two months. Perry
Coolcy, a mulatto, hailing from Anderson, S.
arrested about Juno 1, in Monroe
county, on a charge of burglary, and com
mitted to jail to await his trial at the August
term of court. He expressed his determina
tion never to go to the chain gang, stating
that he preferred to starve. He steadily
refused food for weeks, as can be testified
to by Sheriff C. A. King, and Deputy Sheriff
J. H. King, who has charge of the jail, and
sees to the feeding of the prisoners. He al
ways refused to eat, and while it was then
left in his cell the food was always found
He often begged Sheriff King to let him
have a razor, under pretence of wanting to
shave, and also asked the loan of his knife,
but as Mr. King suspected his intention he
was never allowed any kind of instrument.
But he still adhered to his purposo of self
destruction, and after a month's total absti
nence from food Mr. King called Dr. L. B.
Alexander in to see the prisoner to ascertain
his condition. He was found considerably
reduced, but free from all symptoms of in
sanity, beincr, in fact, quite rational and in
telligent. He reads and writes well, and is
much above the average of his race. Mr.
King and Dr. Alexander finally prevailed on
him to sip a milk punch, which he then did
under compulsion. But he has continued to
resolutely refuse all food and can be in
duced to taste only milk punch or wine
Like Dr. Tanner, ho drinks water freely,
but outside of that he hasn't taken enough
nourishment in over two months to keep an
ordinary man alive three days. He has lost
about sixty pounds of flesh, and is merely a
skelelon. He cannot walk a step, and can
only get up with assistance. When lying
down he has the appearance of a dead man.
. LEMONS AS AIDS TO HEALTH.
A good deal has been said through the
papers about the healthfulness of lemons.
The latest advice how to use them so they
will do the most good runs as follows : Most
people know the benefit of lemonade before
breakfast, but few know how it is more than
doubled by taking another at night also.
The way to get the better of a bilious system
without blue pills or quinine is to take the
juice of one, two, or three lemons, as the ap
petite craves, in as much ice water as makes
it pleasant to drink, without sugar, before
going to bed. In the morning on rising, or
at least half an hour before breakfast, take
the juice of ono lemon in a goblet of water.
This will clear the system of humors and
bile, with efficacy, without any of the weak
ening effects of calomel or congress water.
People should not irritate tho stomach by
eating lemons clear ; the powerful acid of the
juice, which is almost corrosive, infallibly
produces inflammation after awhile, but
properly diluted, so that it does not burn or
draw the throat, it does its full medicinal
work without harm, and when the stomach
is clear of food has abundant opportunity to
work tho system thoroughly.
WAVELET BATHING TOILETTES.
Great care is taken that the "wavelet"
pants sit smoothly over the hips, where they
aro held in place by a broad belt ; on the
outside seam of the leg runs a row of leaves
and buds, exquisitely embroidered in tinted
flosses. The jacket is made with vest cut
low at the throat, where a frill of narrow
lace lies against the skin. This garment sits
liko a Jersey, giving a perfect outline of tho
form; the sleeves are merely a strap, beneath
which falls a deep frill of lace, and when wet
this garniture prettily clings to the arm ; the
throat is left free; the back of the neck is
protected from the sun's rays by the wido
brim of a jaunty hat faced with oilskin and
adorned with dried wild flowers. Every step,
every motion of the bather clothed in tho
"wavelet" should be characterized by drawing-room
grace and easo of manner.
Two Viennese have started a
brokerage in New York. For a small fee
they agree to introduce men and women to
each other who may want to marry. They
claim that on the Continent of Europe there
are many such agencies, and that they fulfill
a useful purpose. Many marriageable men
and women lead isolated lives, and while
they may be anxious to secure life com
panions, are often so situated as to be unable
to do so. In ordinary society match-making
women perform a useful social function, but
still they do not cover tho whole field, as
there are many persons in every community
who would willingly marry if they could
find suitablo partners. In New York State,
however, tho law discountenances marriage
brokers. Very many years ago, Susan Craw
ford helped her friend Christina Roe to
marry a wealthy gentleman named Russell.
Christina signed tho contract agreeing, in
case she married Mr. llussell, to pay Susan
2,000 in cash, give her a piano and gold
watch, as well as educate her daughter Kate
Crawford. These payments were to be made
after tho death of the husband. This did
not occur for twenty years, but when Susan
presented her bill Mrs. Eussell declined to
pay it. Upon this a suit was commenced
and the contract put in evidence. It was
proved on tho trial that Susan spent time
and money in bringing about tho marriage;
but the judge decided that according to the
common law such bargains wero immoral,
as they had a tendency to degrade marriage
by bringing pecuniary considerations into
play. In such States, however, as recognize
the civil code, this kind of brokerage would
hold good. In country districts there is
little need of these agencies, every Jack in
time finds his Jill, and that too without
brokers or professional match-makers.
HE SHAVED OFF HIS BEARD.
St. Lonis Jinn's Experiment and tho Result.
A St. Louis woman waked the other night,
aud putting out her hand touched the smooth
faco of an unknown man. She jumped out
of bed and screamed for help. Her brother
who slept in the next room, entered, aud not
finding any matches, seized tho intruder by
tho hair of his head, pummeled him soundly,
expressing at tho same time, in the most
vigorous terms, his opinion of. the Ecoundrel
who would be guilty of such an act. ' Then
he dragged him into the middle of the room,
thumped him, kicked him, and threw him
out of tho window into the yard below.
The neighbors, aroused by the noise, came
in, and a light was procured,
been taken, and attention wa3 directed to
tho miserable object who lay groanin" in tho
yard: "It would," says tho St. Louis licpub
lican, "be useless to describe that face, with
it3 nose spread all over the middle of it, ono
eye bulging out and the other closed up,
both colored like an indigo bag, an open
mouth, and a row of twisted teeth, much
less to recognize it; but, as the excitement;
slowly Bub3ided and cool reason bean to
reign, a thought suddenly struck tho wifo
that made her turn pale with horror. " Whv
it can't be it must be yes, it is John ! He
has been to tho barbers!" It ras true ho
had. He was her husband, and on his way
home late in the evening, feeling his lon
and heavy beard oppressive in the heat ho
had had it shorn. His wife as asleep when
he crawled into bed, and he soon fell into a
comfortable nap, from which he was rudely
awakened to the experience above recorded.
She is now making the best poulticer
chicken soup for him she knows how.
A NEAT BUSINESS TRANSACTIC .
"Allow me to speak with you arm
on a matter of business." "What d
want?" asked tho banker gruflly. "
is money in it for both of us. If you
care to accept my proposition, ther
other bankers in Austin who will be g
do so." " Proceed." " Well, you see, 1
been contemplating suicide. "I've
thinking of throwing myself into the
rado Piver. If I do, a subscription w
raised for my destitute family. You
called on to contribute. You know
ladies who go about collecting mom
the destitute. They will not let yo
under 550. You will pay that much
left alone. You can't put them off like
can me." "Well, proceed. I know all t
"My proposition is this: I will giveu
suicidal ideas. You will not have tc
$50 for my distressed family. Thanks t
you make 100 per cent, on the investr
without having to do anything." "T
what next ? " " What next ! " "I want
10 per cent, commission, of course, whicl
j ust .?5. That's what next." Texas Sifti:
ONE LITTLE FAVOR.
He never told his love, their acqua
ance had been a very short one, and w
suddenly he had placed her arms at
his neck and imprinted a ki33 upon her r
bud mouth, she was naturally startled.
" Sir," she said, " this is insufferable."
" Forgive me ! " he cried. " I was ma
act thus. I beseech you, pardon me ! "
"No, I can never forgive you, never,
have forfeited my friendship. You r
leave me at once and forever."
Vainly he plead; she was obdurate
glaring an offence could not be condonet
And so he said he would go. His w
life would be embittered, for he felt that ' r
image could never be effaced from his he
"I will go," he said sadly, "butbefo
leave there is one boon that I would ask
feel that I am not unreasonable in desi
and expecting that you will grant this
little final favor."
" What is it ? " she asked, gently, ton .
by his emotion.
"Won't you please take your arms
around my neck?" Cincinnati SaL
WIT AND HUMOR,
Col. Percy Verger was complaining
dentially to Hostetter McGinnis of th
quency with which his mother-in-law
him visits that she came to see him f
five times a year. " My wife's mothe
sponded McGinnis, "ha3 visited me
once in the last five or six years. Ti
time she came to see mo was when I w
married, five years ago." "Lucky
When is she going to visit you a
"How can I tell? She ha3 not got tl
with her first visit yet but I can't see
the luck comes in."
A clergyman of this city was n: :
week by a woman who has little re',
for the cloth. "Tell me," said she,
benignant smile, which did not, hr
disguise the acidity of her question
you close your church in the summe -not
your parishioners require to be pr
from the evil one in the warm weather ;?
as in the cold ? " Oh, bless your so -
was the prompt response. "The e
never stays in town in July and Augu
follows the rest of the world to the wa
Mrs. Brown "Dear me, Mrs. Jot
those tall young ladies really yours?
no idea yon had daughters grown up.
Jones (who is still possessed of consi
personal attraction) " Oh, yes ! I wa
ried at 15, you know! And is that
gentleman really yonr son?" Mrs.
(who is also possessed of ditto) " Yes
was married at 12."
" What is the matter, old fellow ? yo-
worried." " Well, I am I'm being d
up hill and down dale by my mis
creditors." " Oh, you owe a largo si
niouey?" "No, but a great many .
sums; and debts are like children
smaller they aro the more bother they
One of the legends upon the wall oi
room ill which tho Wiscousin Dairymen's
Association held its recent annual meeting
was, ' Talk to your cow its you would to a
lady." Wo suppose when milking times
comes tho dairyman politely says to the
bovine, "Will you honor me with a 'teat-a
The horse has been spoken of as the noble
animal ; but the instantaneous photographs
which have been made of him threaten to
bring him into well-merited contempt. You
can't respect an animal who looks liko a kan
garoo with a broken back.
Pather a funny bull was that made recently
by a member of Parliament in discussing tho
question of trial by jury in Ireland. Becom
ing excited, he exclaimed: "With trial by
jury have I lived, and, by tho blessing of
God, with trial by jury will I die."
A Boston lecturer astonished his audience
by bringing down his fist on the table and
shouting, " Where is the religiosity of the
anthropoid quadrumana?" If he thinks we
have got it he can search us. We never saw
it in the world.
About tho dodo. "Student" wants to
know "What kind of a bird was the dodo?"
From the fact that the species is entirely ex
tinct, we suppose it was the fabled spring
chicken, of which we still hear so often and
see so never.
In a suburban town lives a relative of that
immortal, Mrs. Malaprop. The other evening
a Killer asked if Mr. was at home and
could be seen. " I think not," was tho reply,
"I believe my husband haa expired for the