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THE NATIONAL TRIBUNE: WASHINGTON, D. 0., THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 1882.
The National Tribune
"To care for him who has bohnc the battle, and km
HK YilQO ANO ORPHANS.'-AAHAM LlHCOLN.
"The vauwty cf the fooc debt of the Unitsd
states, authorizco by law, inctkot.no debt incurred fob
payment of nmow8 and bojkttcs' fob bebvlcis in &up
fremms wswwcotwk cw rcbcluon, shall hot be ques
TIONED.' SEC 4, AftT. XIV, CCWSTITUTION OF THE UNITED
" i conwoer it the ablest paper cevoteo to the inter
ests of the soldier publishes in the coon". ky. 1 earnestly
coe0 it to all 00mmdc6 of the order."
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CNTEfiCS AT TH WSHIN6TO. POST-OrnCE AS SECOND-CLASS VATTER.
The National Tribune.
WASHINGTON, D. C, KOYEMBER 23, 1832.
The nuyribcr of new subscribers to The Na
tional Tribune received since November 1st
An excjiang3 wonders whether Mr.
Oscar Wilde lias realized his expectations
from the ajsthetb reform ha intended to
inaugurate in this country. He probably
did realize his moat extravagant expecta
tions, as it is said that his lecture tour
netted him some two hundred thousand
It may be mentioned, as one of the sub
stantial evidences of the value of the work
which The National Tkiuune is doing for
the soldier, that the examining surgeons in
pension cases are now paid two dollars in
stead of one dollar for each examination.
The injustice which characterized Commis
sioner Bentley's administration is fast be
coming a thing of the past.
During the approaching session of Con
gress The National Thieune will devote
a great deal of space to the publication of
news touching the character and status of
measures affecting the interests of our ex
soldiers, and those who wish to keep well
posted in regard to the work of Congress
should send us their subscriptions at once.
"When we say that no veteran can afford to
do without The National Tribune we
simply reiterate the assertions of its own
subscribers, whose endorsement, we take it,
is all that could bo desired, and we trust
that the time is .at hand when no veteran
will be without it.
The National Tribune now goes to
8,05G post-offices, embracing every State and
Territory of the Union, or to 1,239 more
post-offices than it did on the first of Sep
tember last. This is a very gratifying show
ing, for it proves that its circle of readeis is
Bteadily and rapidly widening and its influ
ence becoming more and more national. It
is not enough, however, that The Tribune
should be read at every post-office in the
country. It should be read by every ex
soldier 'at every post-office. That is the
object of its ambition, and we appeal to our
subscribers to aid us in achieving it. If
they will but prepare a list of the ex-soldiers
residing in their vicinity, and take occasion
to make a personal canvass for subscriptions
to The Tribune, they will find little diffi
culty in accomplishing the desired result.
Now that the elections are ovor and thero
is no longer anything to distract the atten
tion of our comrades, we trust they will all
turn in and help us to take every veteran
into camp. Our ex-soldiers and sailors
should all be subscribers to The National
Tkibune and all members of the Grand
Said ono of our subscribers lately in a
letter to the editor: "I am not a soldier,
but The Tkibune interests me deeply."
Such expressions as this are by no means
uncommon, and they indicate, not simply
that The Tkibune is an interesting news
paper, bat that outside of the ranks of our
veterans there is a large class of people who
think as they do about questions of pension
and bounty legislation. Indeed, as we have
repeatedly shown, it is a great mistake to
suppose that our ex-soldiera are themselves
the only ones who are concerned in the
result of the contest which is now in pro
gress for the recognition of their rights by
Congress. On the contrary, the people at
large are heartily in sympathy with our
veterans, and can bo relied upon to render
them substantial support when the oecation
offers. The only danger is that they will bo
unduly influenced by the statements of such
unprincipled newspapers as the New York
Tribune,Sun and Hi raid, and in order to coun
teract the effect of these reckless publications
it is, therefore, of the highest importance
that the truths contained in The National
Tkibune should be dibfomiuated as widely
as possible. For this reason it is always a
cause of special satisfaction to us to receive
the subscriptions of civilians as well us ex
soldiers, and we hope our readers will bear
this point in mind while engaged in the work
of canvassing. It is the sinners, rather than
the righteous, that we are anxious to bring
to repentance, and we connot conceive of a
more effectual way of building up a healthy
public sentiment in favor of soldiers' rights
than to place a great soldiers' paper like
The Tkibune in the hands of tho maese3.
We are indebted to New England for our
Thanksgiving Da', and to the war for the na
tional observance of it. Originally a mere local
holiday, and partaking of a devout religious
character, it has come to have pretty much
the same importance in tho public estima
tion as Christmas or tho Fourth of July, and
is celebrated with almost equal enthusiasm.
During that memorable epoch in our coun
try's history when the Nation was in the throes
of civil war, there were times when the ob
servance qT a day of fasting and prayer
would have seemed more fitting than sitting
down to a feast, and, indeed, the lamented
Lincoln, on several occasions, recommended
the setting apart of special days for that
purpose, but, nevertheless, it was during
this period of doubt and anxiety as to the
future of the Republic that ho custom first
became firmly rooted in national favor.
And it is a gracious and beautiful custom,
not a mere "harvest home," such as the
ancients were wont to celebrate with baccha
nalian revels, pouring out libation3 of wine
and honey and oil to the divinities they
"ignorantly worshiped," but a public recog
nition of the blessings bestowed upon the
Republic by an All-wise Providence. Tho
Thanksgiving Day dinner is but a niero
incident, though a very delightful one, of
the festival. It is in the hearts of the cele
brants rather than their palates thnt Grati
tude has her seat, and be the viands ever so
tempting, they cannot be said to have the
true Thanksgiving flavor unless they be
seasoned with the spice of contentment and
good feeling. The most precious feature of
the festival is, indeed, the occasion which it
affords for family reunions and the renewal
of those social tics which time and distance
are so apt to sunder. It is a feast of tho
fireside, a blessing of the home.
There arc some, we suppose, who will bolt
their Thanksgiving dinner next Thursday
witout stopping to reflect what they have to
be thankful for, but all will not. be so heed
Jess. We are sure our ex-soldiers and sailors
will not commit the sin of thoughtlessness.
They have cause for gratitude in the faet
that the country to whose preservation they
devoted their lives has not yet entirely for
gotten their sacrifices, and that while the
work of adjusting their claims for pension
goes on but slowly, it still goes on. Their
enemies as yet have not succeded in turning
public sentiment against them. As com
pared with a year ago the outlook is bright
and cheering. It is true that the horizon of
their hopes is not free from clouds, but the
silver lining is plainly visible. They are no
longer powerless to strike a blow in defense
of their rights, and compelled to tamely sub
mit to the jeers and insults of the opposi
tion. A great and intrepid leader has been
raised up to them in The National Tkib
une, and it summons them to victory.
Others may prove faithless, but The Tkib
une will never swerve from its allegiance,
and that alone is sufficient occasion for
Ah, well! but for their prowess in the
field, their fortitude in battle, and their in
dustry in peace, Thanksgiving Day might
long ago have met the fate of heathen festi
vals in the decay and death of the Republic.
It is to them that we owe, under tho favor
of Providence, the substantial prosperity for
which thanks will be offeied on Thursday
next and when grace is said above tho
groaning board, let a blessing bo invoked
nnon their ebbing lives.
The V.'ar Is Ovor.
"The war is over." It is with this famil
iar phrase that tho enemies of the soldier
usnaliy conclude their arguments against
pension and bounty legislation.
Yes, the war is over. Tho Army of North
ern Virginia is no longer at Gettysburg.
There is a National Cemetery where onco
the stockade of Andersonville stood. The
Stars and Stripes are flying to-day over the
capiiol of the southern confederacy.
The war is over. The soldier has laid
aside tho aword and is driving the plough
share of civilization straight across the con
tinent. Elevators, choked with wheat and
corn, line the highways to tho sea. The
smoke from thousands of busy factories rises
to heaven like incense from the altar of
The war is over. The Government has
resumed specie payments. The national
debt has been reduced more than one billion
of dollars. United States three per cents are
at a premium, and there is a surplus of ono
hundred and fifty millions of dollars in the
The war is over. More than half a mil
lion immigrants lauded on our shores dur
ing the past year. More than ten thousand
miles of railroad have been built within the
last twelve months. More than six million
bales of cotton have been grown in the South
without the aid of slave labor.
Tho war is over. The Nation has grown
great and prosperous. It is as if the war
had never been. Yet what it is, it would
not be, if the war had never been.
The war is over. For thoso who had no
part or lot in that magnificent struggle for
the preservation of the Union yes. But it
never will be over for those who stood
shoulder to shoulder in the trenches. It
will live in their hearts so ' jng as Memory
holds her sway and Patriotism has a Hiugle
The war is ovor? Not so long as the dis
abled'veteran is compelled to beg his bread,
and tho widow and the orphan forced to livo
on private charity. When this rich and
prosperous Government shall have dis
charged to tho full its debt to the soldier as
well an to the bondholder, then, and not till
then, will the war be over.
Yes, "Slake tho Government Poor."
John 13. Gough used to tell a story in the
course of his lectures to illustrate the
thoughtless manner in which people will
sometimes rush into mortal danger despite
earnest warnings, nnd never realize their
situation until it is too lato to retrace their
steps. Thero was a party of excursionists
in a pleasure boat floating gaily down a
swift-running stream, the air was filled with
sounds of laughter and gay hilarity. An
old man on tho shore shouted, "Look out
for tho falls." They only answered, "All
right, old man, we'll look out for the falls
when we get there."
A little lower down another well-meaning
country wight hailed tho pleasure seekers,
and in stentorian tones cried out, "The falls
are near at baud ; be careful, or you will go
over and be drowned." Still the party
floated on with joy unabated, and barely
deigned to answer back the anxious coun
tryman flippautly, "Oh, never mind, we
know where we ate going."
They did not know where they wcro
going. A minuto more and the roar of the
falls burst suddenly upon them. For the
first time they noticed that they were pass
ing down the stream with tho speed of a
racer. Now all gayoty was dispelled. Their
laughter gave way to cries for help. They
seized tho oars with frantic energy and
endeavored to turn the boat once more up
the stream. It was no use. On they went,
pulling, struggling, screaming for help that
could not savo them. They come to the
verge of tho abyss of tossing water and over
they went, with shouts of terror and cries
of agony and despair. They paid tho pen
alty of their own recklessness.
The approaching Congress is in danger of
going down the stream while all is well,
until in u moment the tails are reached and
we are over the abyss in ono grand crash of
financial chaos. The cry comes up from all
over the country, " Reduce tho taxes, wipe
out tho revenues." Politicians have grasped
this as the straw is clutched by the drown
ing. In it they fancy they see political
salvation. Each party vies with the other
in plans to reduce taxation. It will take
brave and conservative men to stem tho
tide until the country has time for reflection
The reasons why we are especially in
danger of reckless legislation at this time
1. Congressmen believe that the great
mass of the people are in favor of the aboli
tion of internal taxes, and what Congress
men think thu people want is sufficient for
them. The people, however, aie not clam
oring for this tax reduction. The cry has
been started by the great monopolies of the
country, which expect and would receive
the whole benefit of it.
2. In certain sections of the country there
is a violent opposition to the internal-revenue
system. This applies especially to several of
the Southern States, where almost the only
means the farmer has of marketing his crop
is first to distill it into liquor, whether it is
corn or fruit. This is owing to remoteness
from railroads and the absence of stock.
These private distillers resent the interfer
ence of the Government in their business.
3. The high-tariff men in Congress think
that the surest way to prevent a wholesalo
reduction of the list is to cut down the in
come of the Government by the abolition of
internal taxes to such a point that the ne
cessities of tho Nation wiilforbid the further
contraction of its revenues.
These circumstances all converge towardts
one result, namely, tho abolition of the in
ternal revenue laws. All these elements are
united to one end.
The Now York Herald is ono of thoso
newspapers which has urged upon tho
country its theory for the reduction of taxes,
and now comes out boldly and accepts the
legitimate results of the plan it advocates,
as shown in The National Tkibune last
week. The Herald says : " Reduce the taxes
and make tho Government poor." It pro
fesses to believe that tho only way to cor
rect what it terms certain abuses, such as
liberal appropriations for the pension list
and internal improvements, is to wipe out
the Government's income and "make the
Government poor." Tho honesty and bold
ness of tho Herald, in confessing its appre
ciation of the legitimate results it advocates,
is at any rate commendable.
Yes, let Congress go ahead "and mnko tho
Government poor." "When the country is
made poor the people suffer. When the
Government is made poor banks will fail, sav
ings institutions will close their doors, iron
mills and cotton factories will shut down, a
bushel of wheat will sell tor less than it
costs to raise it, coal production will cease,
immigration will stop, and instead of plenty
and abundance everywhere with tho Gov
ernment rich, thero will be want, starvation
and hard times.
"Who will take tho responsibility end
"make the Government poor?"
"What is proposed to bo cured by the resort
to such desperate measures as the impoverish
ment of the Government? It is simply to
change a practice which some think right
and others hold to be wrong. It is to take
away the means for making liberal appro
priations of money for various purposes.
The taxes collected from rich corporations
or paid nnconsciously by the people are re
distributed among the masses by means of
theso appropriations. To a certain class of
statesmen this practice is ono of the most
baneful in our system of Government, and
in order to avoid it they would removo tho
A bill passed the House last session to
abolish tho tax on bank deposits, capital and
circulation, on bank checks, friction mutches,
patent medicines, perfumery and cosmetics.
Thua, in order to prevent Congress from
making very wicked appropriations, they
propose to relieve the poor bankers of various
petty taxoa, which amounted for the lineal
year ending Juno 30, 182, to $5,253,458.
With the same object in view, they propose
to tako the stamp tax off each bottle of
patent medicine, to relievo the proprietor,
who already makes about 400 per cent, on Ike
compound. It wa3 proposed alio to abolish
tho two-cent etamp which is required on
each bank check, whilo perfumeries and
cosmetics wcro to bo relieved, which, to
gether with patent medicines, paid $2,000,000
revenue. Such a proposition as a means for
correcting an alleged abuse is little better
than childish. Thore is a manly way to
meet the evil if it exists. Correct it. Stop it.
Ah another reason why these taxes Bhould
bo removed, it is urged by a certain class of
demagogues that it would relievo tho poor
peoplo of a burden of war taxes, which they
should no longer bear. Let us be honest
about this. Would a bottle of medicine be
any cheaper to tho people were the stamp re
moved, or would so much more bo added to
tho profits of the manufacturer?
Would the people find any more sympathy
or accommodation at a bank were the bank
ers' taxes repealed and over $5,000,000 taken
from the National Treasury?
Would a bottle of cologne bo marked
down to tho purchaser if the revenue stamp,
which now adheres to the cork, were abol
ished as n reminiscence of the war?
In conclusion, Congress will find it easy
to follow tho prevailing advice and " make
the Government poor." The question is,
will it pay? Congress made tho Govern
ment poor in a few months in 1837. Did it
Will it pay to bring misery and hard
times upon our people in order to effect a
questionable chaugo in the financial policy
of the Nation?
Ttio T.utest Attack on Genernl Dudley.
Having failed to prevent tho passage by
Congress, at its last session, of the bill au
thorizing an increase in the clerical force of
the Pension Office, the enemies of the soldier
are now endeavoring to bring discredit upon
tho administration of the bureau itself.
Says tho Philadelphia Times of the 18lh
"There are many accumulating evidences
that the largely increased force of inexperi
enced clerks in tho Pension Departmen t has
opened tho door fur fraud and extiavi'j::.nee to
rr.n riot in the adjustment of many of the so
called claims. Tho claims have accumulated
to such an extent that the Commissioner is
running tho bureau at hiijh pros aire in order
to clear up tho work and stop complaints. The
effect of this hurry, especially when the claim
ure to he submitted for examination to totally
inexperienced and incompetent nieu. in many
instances cannot he otherwise than detrimental
to tho hoi'rsL interests of the Government. In
justice may ho done in individual instances by
going slow, hut much worse injustice is sure to
result from loose nnd hasty consideration of
the great mass of the applications. The big
appropriations for pension purposes aro a stand
ing temptation for fraudulent and trumped-up
claims, and good care should be taken to sift
The statements contained in this articla
are plainly deliberate perversions of the
truth, and it is astonishing that a journal
with any pretension to respectability should
give them currency. Had they been made
by some obscure country newspaper, they
might be ascribed, perhaps, to the ignorance
of the editor, but in the case of the Times it
must be presumed that they were mad with
malice aforethought. Let us see what they
The Times declares that tho pension clnimn
have "accumulated to Btich an extent that
the Commissioner is running the bureau at
high pressure in order to clear up the work
and stop complaints." Now, what aro the
facts? Simply that at the opening of tho
last fiscal year there were 350,337 claims
on file in tho Pension Office, to adjust
which, with tho small force then at the dis
posal of tho Commissioner, would have re
quired at least ten years, and in all proba
bility a much longer period. To. havu com
pelled 350,337 claimants to wait that length
of time for the money to which they wer
entitled would clearly have been an act of
cruel injustice, and ono, too, for which, inas
much as the Government was and is amply
able to discharge all these obligations at
once, and tho question of their adjustment
is only a question of the number of clerks
employed for that purpose, no adequate ex
cuse could have been offered. Tho Com
missioner was not willing to be held respon
sible for such a stato of things, bu, at the
same time, as an honest and sensible busi
ness man, he felt that with the force then
employed in tho bureau tho rate of adjust
ment could not be expedited without
jeopardizing the Government's interests,
since, as a result of a too hasty examination
of pending claims, some might be passed
which really ought to bo rejected. It was
because he did not want to run the bureau
at "high pressure" that he asked Congress
to authorize tho employment of additional
clerks, and that he has not done so since tho
desired increase w:ts made in tho force, the
small number of pension certificates issued
We do not doubt that Commissioner Dud
ley is anxious, as tho Times intimates, to
"clear up the work and stop complaiuts."
He ought to be. He is a soldier himself, and
in a position to feel for those of his comrades
who aro compelled to battlo single-handed
with poverty and disease while awaiting tho
adjustment of their claims, Hut Commis
sioner Dudley ha3 too high an appreciation of
the duty which he owes the Government to
permit, as the Times insinuates, "totally inex
perienced and incompetent men " to examine
and pass upon the claims in his oflice, and
the fact is that the number of claims allowed
during the last three months has been really
smaller than it would havo been had the
force not been increased, for the simple
reason that to a great extent tho time of the
old clerks has been employed in instructing
the now clerks in their duties. From this
time forth, however, it is reasonable to ex
pect thero will bo a steady increase in the I
number of certificates issued, and that, too,
without running the bureau at "high pres
sure " or " opening the door for fraud and
extravagance," or .subjecting " the great
mass of the applications" to "loose and
As for the statement that " the big appro
priations for pension pnrposes are a standing
temptation for fraudulent and trumped-up
claims," it is a sufficient answer to call tho
attention of the Times to the fact aud we
heartily wish it were not the fact that the
work of the Pension Office is so much in
arrears, that it will be two or three years, at
the best, before tho claims now being tiled
receive final consideration. These "big ap
propriations," as the Times calls them, are
being applied to the payment of claims filed
long before the appropriations were made,
and which could not therefore have been
preferred as a result of the "standing temp
tation" to which the Times refers. Every
person of average intelligence knows this to
be the case, yet newspapers like the Times,
assuming that tho public will take for
granted that what they say is true, persist
in their atupid and malicious slanders. It
is high timo that our ex-soldiers and sailors
asserted their manhood. Their defamero
should be made to understand that they
will not tamely submit to this constant and
deliberate abuse and villification.
Commissioner Dudley has done and is still
doing all within his power to expedite the
adjustment of the claims still pending in his
office, aud at the same time has taken good
caro to protect the interests of the Government.-
It is the duty of our comrades to
give him their hearty and unconditional
Tho Comuinnder-iii-Cliorn Work.
It must by this time be apparent to every
body that in Comrade Paul VanDervoort
the Grand Army of the Republic has a very
active, earnest, and enthusiastic Commander-in-Chief.
At tho time of his election he
pledged himself to make a personal inspec
tion of every Department, nnd that promiso
ho i3 faithfully carrying oat. He has already
made the tour of New England and tho
Middle States, and the enthusiasm with
which he has been everywhere received
affords ample evidence thnt his labors are
appreciated. Elsewhere in our columns will
be found some account of his visit to the
Department of Ohio, and we give below his
appointments for Indiana, where ha is at
Fort Wayne, Thursday, November 23;
South Bend, Friday, November 24 ;
Lafayette, Saturday, November 25;
Madison, Monday, November 27;
Evausville, Tuesday, November 28 ;
Greensburgh, Wednesday, November 29.
Tuesday, of this week, Commander-in-Chief
VanDervoort was announced to spend
at Richmond, Ind., aud yesterday at In
dianapolis. It will be seen that his en
gagements are as numerous as those of a
stump speaker in a hot political campaign,
bnt his heart is in tho work, and his
enthusiasm is likely to beget enthusiasm in
I'.attlo of Gettysburg.
The graphic pen picture of the defense of
Little Round Top, given on our first page, ia
taken from an exceedingly well-written
book of pages, by Rev. Theodore Gerrish,
entitled, "Army Life : A Private's Reminis
cences of the War." Mr. Gerrish partici
pated in the scenes he describes as a private
in the Twentieth Maine infantry, aud there
aro few writers who have the faculty of so
chaining the readers attention. In the next
number of The National Tribune will
bo commenced a complete history of tho
Gettysburg campaign, compiled from official
data, and containing much valuable in
formation never before given to the country.
The article will bo illustrated with maps,
engraved expressly for this paper, showing
the topography of the country in the vicinity
of Gettysburg, nnd tho position of the con
tending forces. This article alone will be
amply worth a year'B subscription to The
Tho Stonemnn Raid.
This expedition, which promised so much
and accomplished so littlo, in proportion to
the loss sustained, is printed by permission
of the writer from a manuscript copy of his
personal memoirs. Few cavalry officers had
a mora adventurous career than General
Tho weight of his sixty .years sat so
lightly upon him that when he entered Ken
tucy in tho spring of 1S63 at the head of the
famous Fourteenth Illinois cavalry none
would have placed his ago at over forty-five.
Bravo as a lion, and always well mounted,
ho rode his spirited steed into the thickest
of the fight. His record before that which
we give in this number of The Tkibune
had been full of adventures. With a detach
ment of his regiment ho was one of the iivo
hundred to follow John Morgan in the
"race for life" of that noted raider from
Buffinglou Island through eastern Ohio to
near New Lisbon, where Morgan and hi3
followers weie captured, a lull account of
which was given in The National Tkib
nue in April last.
Colonel Caprou's turn to run for his life
took place after Stonemau's surrender, and
those who follow him in his thrilling
narrativo given in this and the succeeding
number, will wonder how he escaped with
Itoater of Surgeons.
A most valuable book for all ex-soldiers,
and all but indispensable to applicants for
pensions, is the "Roster of Regimental Sur
geons and Assistant Surgeons During tho
War of the Rebellion," which contains their
present post-office addresses, so far as it is
possible to ascertain them. Tho volume
comprises 320 pages and tho names of nearly
8,000 surgeons and hospital stewards, alpha
betically arranged by State3 and numerically
by regiments, giving the date when each
regiment was mustered out, and also tha
date when each surgeon left the service. In
many cases soldiers have met with vexations
delays in receiving their pensions, owing to
the incompleteness of the records in the
Surgeon-General's Office, whereby great diffi
culty is found in establishing to the satisfac
tion of tho Pension Office proof of the origin
of disability. This work enables tho appli
cant in most cases to ascertain the address
of tho surgeon under whose treatment he
may have been, and npon whose testimony
hia long-deferred pension may be granted.
Those medical officers who have died are so
reported in this roster, and the applicant is
enabled to at once secure such collateral
evidence to establish the cause of disability,
without wasting time in fruitless efforts to
ascertain the whereabouts of such an officer.
This work was compiled upon tho suggestion
of Commissioner Dudley, and is prepared from
various official records and other sources of
authentic information. The publishers of
The National Tribune will send copies
of this work for $1.50 each, postage propaid,
or will present a copy to tho getter-up of
a club of ten subscribers.
Mr. R. K. Helphenstine, the Ebbifrfc
House druggist, who is the proprietor of
Durang's Rheumatic Remedy, has been long
and favorably known as one of Washington's
most reliable business men.
A VERSATILE GENIUS.
The editor had completed hia hard week's
work, and had sent the last installment of
" copy " for The National Tkibune to tho
foreman, and was leaning back in hia easy
chair, enjoying a long-deferred rest, when a
loud knock was heard at the door of the aanc
turn. Tho editorial feet were removed from
tho editorial desk, and the editorial voice sung
out, " Como in." The door opened somewhat
cautiously and admitted a visitor of lank form
and decidedly seedy appearance, with a roll of
manuscript under his arm.
"Ara you the editor?" ho remarked, in a
voice whose melody appeared to be somewhat
impaired by the ravages of time.
The editor respouded in the affirmative.
" My name is Cyrus J. Higgins," said the
visitor. " You havo heard of me, I presume?"
The editor stated that he was forced to
admit that the pleasure of an acquaintance
with tho illustrious name was an entirely novel
"And such is fame!" said tha stranger, with
what ho evidently iifteiided for a bitter and
cynical smile, but what was really a most ex
traordinary distortion of countenance, convoy
ing no idea in particular to the dispassionate
"Sir," he continued, "I am a literary genius,
I am the most versatile writer of this or any
other age." 3
The editor expressed his gratification at be
holding so remarkable an individual.
"I have here," said the literary genius,
" some samples of my literary ability, which,
as certain of my personal effects aro tempo
rarily detainod by a relative, I am willing to
dispose of for a pecuniary consideration. I can
write in any stylo, and upon all subjects."
Tho editor remarked that such versatility
was an unusual gift.
"For instance," said Mr. Higgins, selecting
a sheet of manuscript, "hers is something of a
descriptive nature, which lays over anything
that iiulwer ever wrote":
" 'The pallid splendor of a silvery flood of lua
trous rays emitted from the midnight orb, show
ered its effulgent brilliance jithwart tho gnaried
and !4hiiK;ic branches of the giants of the forest,
thut like grim sentinels lifted their toivering forms
toward the cloudlet dome of Heaven.' "
"Thore," said the atrangor. " how doe that
The editor stated that he presumed thai the
idea intended to be conveyed was that the moon
shone in the woods.
" Exactly," said the genhi3.
The editor intimated that in hia opinion
Bulwer never wrote anything similar to that,
" Of course not," said the visitor, with a sat
isfied expression. " Now here is a poem that
would have immortalized Longfellow, had he
written it. Listen " :
' ' When silently the curtain of the night
Falls soltly o'er tho glory of thu day.
When saddened Nature weep? tho dying light,
And c-ouvent sisters kneel thorn down to pray;
Then comes U me the memory of days,
Loiik shrouded in the silent tievennoro,
When eri 1 Mole into my aunt's hack yard.
And sUmmed beer-bottlea at tha cut noxt
"Where is Longfollownow?" triumphantly
exclaimed the poet.
The editor remarked that ho believed Mr.
Longfellow was dead.
"Now, hero is something," continued tho
versatile writer, " in what I call the composite
style. Observe how beautifully the mediaeval
form of language is blended with tho modern":
" Now, by my halidom ! ' quoth the barkeeper,
thou shuJt not have another gm-ilz until thou hast
settled for the last round.' 'liow, niw, Vanctt'
npake lteginald do Montrose, 'wouldat insult tho
honor ol mine ancient name? In sooth, thou hast
an evil tonsuc, and my sword shall cleave thy
catqiio m twain, an thou saidst another word. L
prithee, Kt'id'e kniRlit,' spake the barkeeper,
lioot not oft" thy chin so loudly, lest ttio peeler
out.-idc .-iioukl tumble to the racket, and puU tha
"How's that?" said Mr. Higgins.
The editor admitted thera was considerable
blending in the style.
" Now," said the poet, " I propose- to revolu
tionize the whole system of reporting newa by
converting it into poetry. Now, suppose, for
instance, I was dispatched to write up tha
meeting of a scientific society, I would work it
up something in this stylo:"
"The Academy of Science convened tho othar
And slum; around the science In a sclentlrlo way.
Old I'cl-rwi'.-j entertained tho gang: with what few
facts he k.iew.
On Ite!ii!ls of Deep dea Soundlnjrs on tho ooartof
Mickey llkkey read a paper on tho ' Carbonlforiu
And Dr. Hump exhibited some fossil oyster soup.
Professor Jones palavered then with fluency aau
On " Experiments In Polarizing? Light by Means
of (. h-esw , "
Another duffer spoke about the 'Theory of Blla,'
And ' Alluvial Depceits at the Sources of tha Nile.'
'The ISttect of the Klectno Light ou Deliquescent
' Tho 2IiU mutton of the Speciss Kiiown. as Bojfe-
'On Aliutropie Forms of Gin Found In the Osoao
'On Traces in Ilobokcn of the Pre-IIiatorlc Celt.'
These were all submitted by some SclontitlcxdnLs,
Who used a ream of legal cap, regardless of ox-
"Now, isn't that an improvement on tho
present stylo?" said tho gifted being.
Tho editor conceded that tho stylo would ba
apt to attract attention.
"I will now give you," said the literary
phenomenon, "something in the lesthotio line,
that ior wealth or imagery would paralyze j
Oscar Vt'i " IJut bore the editor explained '
that he was so overwhelmed with his visitor's
genius that ho would b forced to discoutinuo
the interview, and by deftly inserting his (
hands on the inside of the stranger's paper collar
intimated to him that ho might withdraw, at
least the versatile genius so construed the
editor's meant ng, when ho picked himself up
at tho foot of tho stairs.
Be buks to read tho supplement to thi
week's i&iue cent out with sample copia.