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THE SUNDAY HERALD.SUNDAY, TULY 20. 1S90.
THE BIG DRUNK DEAF'.
.An Indian Sketch by ho T.ntcst KticllMi
Idtornry Lion, Kmlynrrt Kipling.
tRudyard Kipling is the oilil name of the
latest literary sensationalist whom the KnRlisli
public have taken up anil lionized. Kipling
has been n soldier in ludla, and not much over
a year ago landed in this country, whence he
wrote his impressions to Indian nawspapers.
In theso letters he made some scorching criti
cisms on American life and manners. Kipling
then went to London, and the flood of Indian
talcs and sketches he has pouted out since going
there has made him the lion of the hour. The
book stalls groan beneath his volumes and his
name is on everybody's lips. His style is
"fetching," his sketches of Irish character arc
capital, and his dialect well-nich perfect. The
following story will give a good idea of the sort
Of work he does :
"We're coin' 'omc. we're Koln1 'onto
Our ship is at the shore.
An' you 111118' puck your 'aversack,
For we won't come back no more.
Ho. don't yon grieve for mc.
My lovely Mary Ann,
For I'll marry you yet on a fourp'uy bit,
As a time-expired ma-a-an 1
Au awful thing has happened 1 My ftlend,
Private Mulvaney, who went home IntheScrapis,
time-expired, not very long ago, has come back
to India as a civilian It was all Dinah Shadd's
fault. She could uot stand the poky little
lodgings, and she missed her servant Abdullah
more than words can tell. The fact was that
the Mulvaneys had been out here too long, and
had lost touch of England.
Mulvaney kuew a contractor on one of the
new Central India lines, aud wrote to him for
some sort of work. The contractor said that if
Mulvnney could pay the passace ho would give
him command of a gang of coolies for old sake's
sake. The pay was S3 rupees a month, and
Dinah Shadd said that if Terence did not accept
she would make his life a "basted purgathory."
Therefore the Mulvaucys came out as "civil
Inns," which was a great and terrible fall, though
Mulvnney tried to disguise it by saying that he
was "ker'nel on the railway lino an' a conse
Ho wrote mo an invitation, on a toolindcut
form, to visit him, and I came down to the
funny little "construction" bungalow at the
side of the line. Dinah Shadd had planted peas
in and about, and nature had spread all manner
of irreen stuff round the place. There was no
change in Mulvaney except the change of rai
ment, which was deplorable, but could not be 1
helped. He was standing upon his trolly, ha- I
ranguing a hangman, andhis shoulders were as j
well drilled aud his big, thick chin was as clean j
shaven as ever.
"I'm a civilian now," said Mulvaney. "Cud
you tell that I was iver a martial man ? Don't j
answer, sorr, av you're straiuin' betune a com- I
pllmint an' a lie. There's no houlding Dinah j
Shadd now she's got a house av her own. Go
inside an' dhrink tayoutavchiuyiu the drrraw-
in'-room, an' thin we'll dhrink like Chtistiaus ,
undher the tree here. Scutt, ye naygur-folk !
There's a Sahib come to call on me, an' that's '
more than he'll iver do for you unless you run !
Get out, an' go on pilin' up the earth, quick, till
When we three were comfortably settled un
der the big sisbam in front of the bungalow, and
the first rush of questions and auswers about
Privates Ortheris aud Learoyd and old times
and places bad died away, Mulvaney said, reflect
ively: "Glory, be there'6 no p'rade to-raoirow,
an' no buuheaded Corp'ril-b'hoy to give you
his lip. An' yit I don't know. 'Tis harrd to be
somethin' ye niver were an' nlvcr meant to be,
an' all tho ould days shut up along wid your
papers. Evah I I'm growin' rusty, an' 'tis the
will av God that a man mustn't serve his Quane
for time an' all."
He helped himself to a fresh peg aud sighed
"Let your beard grow, Mulvaney," said I,
"and then you won't be troubled with those
notions. You'll be a real civiliau."
Dinah Shadd had confided to me in the draw-incr-room
her desire to coax Mulvnney into let
ting his beard grow. " 'Twos so civilian-like,"
said poor Dinah, who hated her husband's han
kering for his old life.
Dinah Shadd, you're a disgrace to au honest,
clane-scraped man!" said Mulvnney, without
replying tome. "Glow a beard on your own
chin, dailiut, aud lave my razors alone. They're
all that staud betune me and dis-ris-spect-abili-ty.
Av I didn't shave I wuil be terminated wid
au outrajis thmst, for there's nothin' so dhryin'
to the throat tib a bin billy-goat beuid waggiu'
undher the chin. 1'e wudn't have me dhrink
always, Dinah Shadd? By the same token,
you're kapln' me crool dhry now. Let me look
at that whisky."
Tho whisky was lent and returned, but Dinah
Shadd, who had been jubt as eager as her hus
band in asking after old friends, rent me with:
"I take shame for you, sorr, coiuin' down
here though the saints know you're as wcl
kira as the daylight when you do come an' up
settin' Terence'shead with you nonseiibo about
about i'what's much better'forgotten" He bein'
a civiliau now, an' you niver was aught else.
Can you not let the army rest V 'Tis not good
I took refuge by Mulvaney, for Dinah Shadd
had a temper of her own.
"Let be let be," said Mulvaney. "'Tis
only waust in a way I can talk about tho ould
days." Then to me: "Ye say Dhrumsticks is
we'll, an' his lady, too V 1 never knew how I
liked tho gray garrou till I wab shut nv' him an'
Asia." "Dhrumstlck&" was the nleknaino of
the colonel commanding Mulvnney's old regi
ment. "Will you be beein' him again ? You
will? Thin tell him" Mulvnney's eyes began
to twinkle "tell him wid 1'rivlt ."
"Mister, Terence," interrupted Dinah Shadd.
"Now th divll an' all his angels an' tho
firmament av hivln ily away wid the 'Mister,'
an' tho sin nv mnkln' 1110 swear bo on your con
fession, Dinah Shadd ! Privit, 1 tell ye. Wid
1'rJvit Mulvnney's best obedience, that but fot
me tho last time expiied wud be bill pullin' hair
on their way to the sea."
He threw himself back Jn the chair, chuckled,
and was silent.
"Mrs. Mulvaney," said I, "please take up tho
whisky, and don't let him have it until he bass
told tho story."
Dinah Shadd dexterously whipped tho bottle
away, saying at the same time: " 'Tis nothiu'
to be proud av," and thus captured by the en
emy, .Mulvaney i-pake:
"Tvab on Chucsday week. I was behade
rin' round wid the gangs on the 'baukmint I've
taught the hoppeib bow to knpe step au' stop
fjehreochlu' whin a head-aug-iuan comes up
to me, wid about two inches a shirt-tail hangin'
round his neck an' a distliressful light in his oi.
'Sahib,' bez he, 'there's a rig'mint an' a half av
soldiers up at the junction, kiioekin' red cin
ders out av iverv thing and Jvcrybody ! They
thried to hang me iu my cloth.' sez lie. :m'
Tuero win ue muruer an' ruin an'
place before nightfall ! T'uov
comiu' down here to wake us up.
rape in tho
we uo wju our women ioik?'
''Fotchmy throlly?' sez I; 'my heait'esick
Iu my ribs for a wink at anything wid tho
Quaue'6 unlformn on it. Fetch my throlly
m' six av tho jildiest men, and run mo up In
ulu tuk his bast coat," said Dinah Shadd re
Drink Tanntiauser beer. II. Deuzlcr.
" 'Twas to do honor to tho wlddy. 1 cud ha'
done no less, Dinah Shadd. You and your di
grosslilns interfere wid the course av the narra
tive. Have you iver cousidhcrcd f whnt I wud
look like wid mo head shaved as well as my
chin ? You bear that in your mind, Dinah,
"1 was throllicd up six miles, all to cot a
6qulnt at that draf. I knew 'twas a
spring draf going home, for there's no rig'
tnenl hereabouts, morc'a the pity."
"Praise the Virgin !'' murmured Dinah Shadd.
Hut Mulvaney did not hear.
"Whin I was about three-quarters av a mile
oft the rest camp, powthcrin' along fit to burrst,
I hcatd the noise av the men, an' on my sowl,
sorr, 1 cud catch the voice av Peg Barney bcl
lowin' liko n bison wid the bellyache. You re
miniber Peg Barney that was in D Comp'ny a
red, hairy scraum, wid a scar on his jaw V Peg
Barney, that cleared out the Blue Lights' Jubi
lee meeting wid tho cook-room mop last year ?
"Thin 1 knew it was a draf nv tho ould ric'
mint, an' I was conshumed wid sorrow for the
bhoy that was in chnrgc. Wo was hard scra
pin'fl at any time. Did I iver teel you how Hor
kcr Kelly went into clink nakld as Plwbus
Apollonltts, wid the shirts av the corp'rll an'
file undher his arrum ? An' be was a moild
man I But I'm dlgressln'. 'Tis a shame both
to the rlg'mlnts and tho arrmy sendiu' down
little orf ccrs bhoys wid a draf av strong men
mad with liquor an' the chanst av gettln' shut
av India, au' niver a puuishmout that's lit to bo
given light down an' eway from cantonmints to
tho dockl 'Tis this nousluse. Whin I am
ecrviu' my timo I'm under the articles nv war,
an' can bo whipped on tho peg for thlm. But
whin I've served ray time I'm a reserve man,
an' the articles av war haven't any hould on
mc. An orf'ccr can't do anythlu' to a tlme-cx-pirod
savin' conflnin' him to barricks. 'Tis a
wise rig'lation, bekaso a time-expired does not
have any barricks. bein' on the move all tho
timo. 'Tis a Solomon av a rig'lation, is that.
I wud like to be inthroduced to the man who
secreted ut. 'Tis easier to get colts from a
Kibbcrecu horse fair into Galway than to take
a bad craf over ten miles av country. Consi
quintly, that rig'lation for fear that the men
would be hurt by the little orf 'cer bhoy. No
matter. Tho nearer my throlly came to the res
camp, tho wollder was the shine, an' the louder
was the voice of Peg Barney. ' 'Tis good I am
here,' thinks I to myself, 'for Peg alone is eui
ploymiut to two or three.' He bein', as I well
kuew, as copped as a dhrover.
"Faith, that rest camp was a sight ! The
tent ropes was all skew-nosed, an' the pegs
looked as dhrunk as the min tifty of tbim
the Bcourin's, an' rinsiu's, an' divil'slavin'snv
tho ould rig'meut. I tell you, sorr, they were
dhrunkcr than any men you ever seen in your
raortel life. How does a draf get dhrunk?
How does a frog get fat ? They suck ut In
through their shkins.
"There was Peg Barney sittiu' on the groun'
in his shirt wan shoe off an' wan shoe on
whackiu' a tent-peg over the head wid his boot,
an' singin' fit to wake the dead. 'Twas no
clane song that he sung, though. 'Twas the
"What's that?" I asked.
'Whin a bad egg is 6but av the army he sings
tho Divil's Mass for good riddance; an' that
manes swerrin' at ivrything from the commander-in-chief
down to the room corp'ril, such
as you niver in your days heard. Some men can
swenr so as to make greeu turf crack ! Have
you iver heard the curse of an Orange lodge ?
The divil's is ten times worse, an' Peir Barnov
WHO eflirri,,' llf nllnnl'in) Vltn .4- .... .. .l.n
head wid his boot for each man that he cursed
u.u.ii vm, iiuuwim mu iuin-Jt;ii uu luu
A powerful big voice had Peg Barney, an' a
a hard swearer be was whin sober. I stood for
ntnst him, an' twas not me ol alone that cud
tell Peg was drunk as a coot.
" 'Goood niorniu', Peg,' I scz, when he dhrew
breath aftber curMu' the adj'tlnt gen'ral: 'I've
put on mo best coat to see vou, Peg Barney,'
" 'Then take it off again, sez Peg Barney,
latherlu' away wid the boot; 'take ut off an'
dance, ye lousy civilian !'
"Wid that he begins cursin' ould Dhrum
shticks, bein' so full he clean misremimbcrs the
brigade major, and the judge advokit gen'ral.
" 'Do you not know me, Peg V' sez I; though
"iu iuuuu wub uoi in mo win ueiug called a
"An' him a decent married maul" wailed
" '1 do not," sez Peg, 'but dhrunk or sober I'll
tear the bide off your back wid a shovel whin
I've stopped singin'.'
"'Say you so, Peg Barney ?" says I. "Tis
clear as mud you've forgotten mc. I'll assist
your autibiographo.' Wid that I stretched Peg
Barney, boot an' all, an' wint into the camp.
An awful sight it was !
" 'Where's the oflicer in charge av the detach
ment V sez 1 to Scrub Greene the meanest little
worm that ever walked.
" 'There's no orf cer, ye ould cook,' sez
Sciub; 'we're a bloomin' lepublle.'
" 'Are you that?' sez I; 'thin I'm O'Connell,
the dictator, an' by this you will larn to kape a
civil tongue in your rag-box.'
"Wid that I stretched Scrub Greene an' went
to the orf'cer's tent. 'Twas a new little bhoy
not wan I'd iver seen before. He was sittiu' in
his tent, purtendin' not to 'ave ear av the
"I saluted but for the life av mc I mint to
shako hands when I went iu. 'Twas the sword
banging on the tent-pole changed my will.
" 'Cau't I help, sorr?' sc I; 'tis a strong
man's job they've given you, an' you'll be wantin'
help by mindowu.' Ho was a bhoy with bowils,
that child, an' a gentleman.
" 'Hit down, sez he.
" 'Not before my orf cer,' sez I; an' I tould hiin
fwliat my service was.
" 'I've heard av you, sez he. 'Vou tuk the
town of Lunghlngnen nakid.'
" 'Faith,' thinks I,' 'that's honor an' glory,'
for 'twas Lift'nintBrazenose did that job. 'I'm
wid ye, horr,' sez I, 'if I'm av use. They shud
niver ha' sent you down wid the draf. Savin'
your prchiuce, sorr,' I sez, ' 'tis only Lifnlnt
Hackei6ton iu the ould rig'mint can manage a
" '1 niver had charge of men liko this before,'
sez he, jiluyln wid the pens on the table; an' I
see by the rig'lations '
" 'Shut your oi to tho rig'lations, sorr,' I scz,
'till the tluooper's into blue wather. By the
rig'lations you've got to tuck thlm up for tho
night, or they'll bo ruunin' foul av my coolies
an' inakin' a shiverarium half through the
counliy. (Jan you trust your non-coms, sorr?'
, " 'yen,' hezho.
1 " 'Good,' sez I; there'll be th rouble before the
ulghl . Are you marchin', sorr V'
" 'To the next ntatlon,' sez he.
I " 'Better still, sez I; 'they'll bo big throuble.'
I " 'Can't be too hard on a home draft,' sez he;
I 'the gi cat thing is to get tbim inship.'
l'Hiui, you'veiarnt tiio nan av your les
hou, son,' he.s I, 'but av you sthick to tho rig
'lations you'll niver get them Inship at all, at
all. Or there woun't be a rag av kit betune
tbim whin you do.'
" 'Twab a dear little orf'cer bhoy, an' by way
av kapln' bib hearj up, I tould him fhwat I
saw waiibt in a draf in Egypt."
"What was that Mulvaney?" bald I.
"HIviii an' iilty men sittin' on the bauk av a
canal, laughin' at a poor little squldgeteen av"
au oil'cer that thoyd made wado Into the sliibh
an' pitch tho things out av the boats for their
lord high mightinesses. That made me orf'cer
bhoy woild wid indignation.
" 'Boft an' aisy, bor,' sez I; 'ou'vo niver had
your dial' iuhand since you left cautonmints.
Wait till the night, an' your work will bo ready
to you. Wid your permission, borr, I will in
vestigate the camp an' talk to my ould friends.
'Tis no manner of use thryin' to bthop the divil
"Wid that I went out into tho camp an' iutro-
Di ink Tannhauser beer. II. Uenzler.
juced myself to Ivry man sober enough to rc
mlmbcr mo. I was sonic wan In the ould days,
an.' tho bhoys was glad to see mc all cxclptPcg
Barne', wid n eye like a tomata flvo days in tbo
bazar, an' a nose to correspon'. They como
round 1110 an' shuk mc, an' shuk me, an' I tould
tbim 1 was iu privit employ wid an Income nv
mo own, an' a drawin'-room fit to bate tbo
Quanc's; an' wid mo lies an' 1110 stborlcs nn'
nonsinso giu'rnlly, I kept 'em quiet, in wan way
an' another, kuockin' renin' the camp. 'Twas
bad even thin when I was an angll av peace.
"I talked to mo old non-confs they was so
ber an' betune mo an' thlm we wore the draf
over into their tents at tho piopor time. Tho
little orf'cer bhoy he comes round, dcclnt an'
civil-spoken as niicht be.
" 'Bough quarters, men,' sez he, 'but you
can't look to be ns comfortnblo as in barricks.
Wc must make the best av things. I've shut
my eyes to a dale nv dog's tricks to-day, an' now
there must be no more "nv ut.'
" 'No more we will. Come an' have a dhrink,
mc sou,' says Peg Barney, staggerin' where ho
stud. r Mc little orf'cer bhoy kep' his timper.
" 'You're a sulky swine, you arc,' sez Peg Bnr
ney, au' at that the men in the tent began to
"I tould you 1110 orf'cer bhoy had bowils. Ho
cut Peg Barney as near as might be on the ol
that I'd squashed whlu wc first met. Peg wint
spinnln' acrost tho tent.
" 'Peg him out, sorr,' scz I iu a whisper.
" 'Peg him out!' sez 1110 orf'cer bhoy, up loud,
just as if 'twas battalion p'rade, an' ho plckin'
bis wurrds from the sargint.
"The non-coms tuk Peg Barney a howlin'
handful he was an' in thico minutes ho was
pegged out chin dewn, tight drawn on bis
stummick, a peg to each arm an' leg, swearln'
fit to turn a naygur white.
"1 tuk a peg au' jammed ut Into bis ugly jnw.
'Bito on that, Peg Bnrnoy,' I scz; 'the nii;ht is
settin' frosty, an' you'll be wantin' divarsion be
fore the morniu'. But for the lcg'lntlons you'd
be bltlu' on a bullet now at the thriaugles, Peg
Barney,' sez I.
"All the draf was out av their tents watchin'
Barney bein' pegged.
" ' 'Tis agin the rig'lations ! He strook him !'
screeches out Scrup Greene, who was always a
lawyer, an' some of the men tukupthcshoutiii'.
" 'Peg out that man,' sez mo orf cer bhoy,
niver losiu' bis timper, au' the non-coms wint in
and pegged out Scrup Greene by the aide av Peg
"I cud see that the draf was comln' roun'.
The men stud, not knowlu' f what to do.
" 'Get to your tents,' sez mc orf'cer bhoy.
'Sargint, put a sintry over these two men.'
"The men wint back into tho tents like jack
als, an' the rest av the nlcbt there was no noise
at all excipt the stip av tbo sentry over tho two,
an' Scrub Greene blubberin' like a child. 'Twas
a chilly night, an' faith, ut sobered Peg Barney.
"Just before revclly my orf'cer bboy comes
out aud sez: 'Loose those men an' send thlm to
their tents I' Ssrub Greene wint away widout a
word, but Peg Barney, stiff with the cowld, stud
like a sheep, thryiu' to make his orf'cer under
stand he was sorry for playin' the goat.
"There was uo tucker in tho draf whin ut fell
in for the march, an' divll a wurrd about 'Ille
gality' cud I hear.
"I wint to the ould color 6argint an' I sez:
'Let mc die in glory,' sez I; 'I've seen a man this
" 'A man he is,' sez old Hother; 'the draf s as
sick as a hcrrin'. They'll go dowu to the sea
like lambs. That bhoy'has tbo bowils of a cau
tonmint av gin'rals.'
" 'Ainln,' sez I, 'an' good luck go wid him
wheriver be be, by laud or by sea. Let mc know
how the draf gets clear.-'
' 'An' do you know how they did ? That bhoy,
so I was tould by letter from Bombay, bully
damned 'An down ta -the dock, till they cudu't
call their sowls their own. From the time they
left me of till they was 'tween decks not one av
tbim was more than dacintly dhrunk. An' by
the holy articles of war, whin they wint aboard
they cheered him till they cudn't spake, an'
that, mark you, has not come about wid a draf
in the mim'ry av livin' man ! You look to that
little orf'cer bhoy. He has bowils. 'Tis not
ivry child that wud chuck the lig'lations to
Flanders an' stretch Peg Barney on a wink from
a broklu' and dilapidated ould carkiss like me-
sui. ret oe proud to serve "
"Terence, you a civilian," said Dinah Shadd,
"So I am so I am. Is ut likclv I wud forget
ut ? But he was a gran' bhoy, all tho same, an'
I'm only a mudtipper wid a hod on my should
thers. The whisky's In the heel av your hand,
sorr. Wid your good lave we'll dhi'ink to the
ould rig'mint three fingers standin' up!"
And we drank
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!p30 reduced to $0 '
$35 reduced to $25 $&0 reduced to $4,0
$40 reduced to $30 $GS reduced, to $50
Special Attention Given to tho Repairing oi' Trunks ami Harness.
KNEESSI'S, 425 7th St., next to Odd Fellows' Hall.
IcELROY'S ART STORE,
1003 PEOTA. AVENUE.
Summer Discount Until Further Notice
Etchings, Engravings, Water Colors, Photographs,
and all Pictures in Stock Except Artotypes
At 20 Per Cent. Discount!
Special attention paid to Framing, Regilding, Moving
and Boxing Pictures and Mirrors.
W. B. HIBBS.
Sfriotlv on Commission