Newspaper Page Text
jStock, SikI returned to enjoy tho long
Gathered in ft comfortable room,
those Mho, iu youth, had known other
scenes, told stories of Now KUghind,
of the old Dominion, or of other
distant places, Perchance one lmd.
"crossed the plains" in enrly days.
If so. he related the adventures of
that long nml perilous journey, re
hearsed his stories too often repeat
ed of the El Dorado, and described
the return by way of the Isthmus,
ever mindful of the cupidity of tho
Spaniards and of the voracity of the
mosquitoes at Panama and AspimVall.
Then news from the multeilng south
returned to inliril, niid they vehem
ently spoke of Buchanan and of
treason. Meanwhile the children
had been given the freedom of the
dining-room, which also served as
kitchen in winter. Of this the older
ones had taken full advantage.
Thence rang out the strains of "King
"William,-''. '"Charles," mid VJosie,"
sung by happy voices, till parents
gave notice that it was time, to go
homo. Brief good-byes weie (said',
Then nil, wrapped, rode home
,, throught the still cold night, bum lug
with them pleasant memories 01 a
JT Merry Christmas.
HIS PA CATCHES ON.
"Where have you been for a week
back?" asked the grocerymuu of tho
bad boy, as the boy pulled his tail
board out of the delivery wagoit
accidentally and let rt couple of
bushels of potatoes roll out into the
gutter. "I haven' t'Bceii you around
here, mid you look pale. You
luivcu't been sick, have you?"
"No, I have not been sick. Pa
locked nic up in the bathroom for
two days mid two nights, and didn't
give me nothing to eat but bread and
water. Siuco ho has gob loligion he
seems" to be harder than'cvcr on me.
Say, do you think religion softens n
maiifH heart, or does it give him a
caked breast ? I 'spect pa will burn
me at tho stake next."
The proceryman said that -when a
man had truly been converted his
heart was softened, and ho was
always looking forn chance to do
good nnd be kind to the poor, but if
he only had this galvanized religion,
I his roll-plate piety, or whitewashed
reformation, he was liable to be a
harder citizen than before. "What
made your pa lock you up in the
bathroom on bread and water?" he
"Well," says the boy, as he cat a
couple of salt pickles out of 'u jar on
the sidewalk, "pa is not com cited
enough to hint him, and Iknowcd it,
and I thought it would bo a good
joko to try and sec if ho was so
confounded good, so I got my chum
to di ess up in a suit of his sister's
summer clothes. Well, you wouldn't
beleivcmy chum would look so much
like a gill. He would fool the oldest
inhabitant. You know how fat he
is. He had to sell his bicycle to a
slim fellow that chrkh in the stoic,
cause he didn't want it any moie.
J lis neck is just as fat and thcie lire
dimples in it, and with a dtcss low in
the neck and long in the trail he
looks as tall as my ma. Ho busted
one of his sister's slippers getting
them on, and her stockings wcro a
good deal too big for him, but he
tucked his drawers down in them
and tied his suspender around his
leg, above the kjicc, and they staved
on all right. Well, ho looked killin,'
I should prcvaiicate, with his sister's
muslin dress on, starched as stiu as
n shirt, and her reception hat, with
a -white feather as big as a Newfound
land dog's tail. Pa said ho had got
to go down town to sec some of tho
old soldiers of his regiment, nnd I
loafed along behind. My chum met
pa on the corner aud asked him
where the Lakcshoro park was. 'She'
said she was a stranger from Chicago,
and that her husband had dcbcrtcd
her, and she didn't know but what
she would jump into tho lake. Pa
looked in my chum's eye and sized
her up, and said it would be a shamo
to commit suicide, and asked if she
didn't want to take a walk. My
chum said ho should titter, aiid-he
look pa's arm and they stiollcd tip
to the lake and back. Well, yod
may talk-about joinltig'thc church on
probation all you please, but they'
get their arm around a 'girl all tho
bamc. Pa hugged my chum till he
says he thought pa would bleak his
sister's corset all to pieces, and he
aqucezed my chum's hand till the
j ing cut right into the finger and he
has to wear a piece of courtplastcr
on it. They started for the court'
house' pink, as I told my chum to do,
and J went aud got ma. It wa
about time for tho soldiers to go to
the exposition f or tho evening biz
jicss, audi told ma wo could go
down nml hco them go by. Ma just
flowed a shawl over her head and
we started down through tho paik.
"When we got near pa aud my chum I
told ma it was a shame for so many
,pcoplo to bo Bitting 'around lallygag
ging right before folks and sho said
,111 wus iliHg'usliu'hnd tbvn'I pointed
I MY ELEGANT STOCK OF GOODS
1 Suitable for the Season,
Are Now Open and Ready for Inspection !
1'i.koant Ni:w Dkhiosp in
New Designs In Solid Stirling Silver (Gurluuii)
, Wiili'lice, In Gold iintl Sler See my window.
PERFUMERY & TQI'CE.T JUTICkES,
Hosiery mill Furnishing Good",
'Ladies Bags and Satchels, Now Styles ;
" ' GlovbVTios, arid Suspondors, in'gfeat variety.
In fait, everything unliable for Young and Old !
A What d' yo lao Is ?,-, ,
ltlntiiiel'H CologiicH, Cnrd Ohmcm.
PliiMh Albania, Font, Feather. Flower.
1UC11U8, &., In
WSHITB Y JET JE WE LB Y.
For all these and many other articles suited for
A. W. Richardson & Co.
&J An; now olVuiiugMnne of the finest quality of M
I GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS jf
?s i i
, eer imported Into this Kingdom. Amougnt lliein arc 4'C
I musiMrw j&,sr wbms m&m i
Vt in the most ftiuioimblo shupo. ' s!
$ B-STCICIjE SHIBTS-oaly o, fo-w loft. J?
,vi Fancy Neck Wear for
Invoice of French Gaiters, which are just to hand.
Call aiul purchase from
A. W. JUC1IAIIDSON & Co.,
J, T, WATERHOUSE,
2nTo. lO FORI' STREET,
)-'s. .-,.h.)(liin:fi Mi) . .
'llV!' i '! - ' -. '
'llf. .i'.O,,! l-i
V, I t
At the Fort Street Store,
The usual display of TjBoful Goods, for all soasonB,
will bo found at
v' . L' U" ' I
mfi " 1 1
. . M
What d.' yo lack ?
to A. M. MELLIS',
101 Fort Street.
every occasion. And an
Corner of Fort and Meicliimt Streets.
H I !
tho other Stores.
" '' '.
to my ehiini who had hisMiend on
pa's bosom, and pa was patting my
chum on the cheek, while ho held his
other in m around his waist. They
was on the iron seat, and we came
light up. bohiiuLthcm, aud when'mn'
enw-pa's baliUhoad'l "thought she
would bust. She, knew his head as
soon as Mic sol eyes on it. My chum
asked pa if he was married, and he
said he was, a wldoyvcr. Ho sajd his
wife tiled fourteen 'car ago, of liver
complaint. Well, ni.i shook like
a leaf, and I could 'hear her
new teeth rattle just like cjiwitur
strawberrtes ,ylth sand. In them.
Then "my chum put. ,hts arms
around pa's neck and said, ',If you
love me hiss me in the mouth.' Pa was
just leaning down to kiss my cluun
when m.a couldn't stand it any longer,
and slic went light around in front
of them, and sho giahhcd my .chum
by the liair, aud it all came off,, hat
and all, and my chum jumped tip
iimr TOlTffcrTitclrOiniTnriii 'Ihb'facc,
and my cluun tiled to get his hand
kerchief to Avlbc off the blo0d on his
noseT" Aliuintt,filie turned to pa and
he turned pnlc and then hIio' was
eoliiit for inv chum.nuain wlien she
said, 'Oh, Jtifc upon a fcller' and
he see slip wns mad, vnnd he grabbed
the hat and hair off the gravel walk
i and took the skiit of his sister's
tliess. in liiSp baud, and lited out for
"home on a gallo). aud ma took pa
by the elbow and said, ' Vousaie a
nice old party! ahi'tou'cSJ! am
dead, lUUjL?. Uledof liver'complaint
fouiteen.years ago, did I? You will
iind nn animated, corpse on your
hands. AtouiUI kissing spry wim
men out -in the nisilit air.' AVlien
they' started h'omepa sccincd tov be
as weak as a cat, and couldn t say a
woi d, and I asked if I could go to the
exposition, and they said T could. I
don't know what happened after they
got home, but pa was setting up for
me when I ,got,back,and he wanted
to know what I brought ma down
thcie for, aiid howtl knew ho -was
there. I thought icn would help pa
TjuVftlib'SbrnpcThnd'lo'I told him
it was not a girl he was huggihg at
all', but it was my chum, and he
laffed at first, and told ma it was not
n gill, but ma said she knew a darn
sight better. Sho guessed she 'could
tell a gill. Then pa was mad, and
he said I was at the bottom of the
whole bizness, and he locked inc up,
and said I was enough to paralyze a
saint. 1 told mm tlirougn tne kej'
liole that a saint that had any sense
ought to tell a boy from n gill, and
then he throwed a chair at me
thioughthe transom. The worst of
the whole thing is, my chum is mad
at me because ma sciatched, him,
and he says that lets him out., lie
don't go into any more schemes with
mc. Well, I must be going. Pa is
going to have my ineasiiie taken for
a rawhide, he says, and I have got to
stay at homo fiom the span ing match
and leai n my Sunday school lesson.
Milwaukee iSiui .
WAS IT PERJURY 7
.lames llalfstop, in order to appear
as a bondsman, swore before a Little
Kock Justice of the. Fence thai he
was woith twenty thousand dollars.
Shortly afterward the justice, learn
ing that llalfstop was not; worth
twenty-live cents, aud that he lived
on a ion tod swamp faun, scut but a
warrant for his an est. The man ap
pealed in coin t , bunging with him
his wife nnd two boys.
"Mr. llalfstop." said the justice,
"what have you to say why, you
bhould not be committed, for
"How have I committed perjury?"
"You swore that you arc w,oith
twenty thousand dollars, but the fact
has been established .that you arc not
worth anything,' This is a clcnrycnse
of perjury so clear, sir, that -the
penitentiary gate is opening to ieccVu
"'l said' exchpnied Mr. llalfstop,
"that 'I mil worth twenty 'thousand
dollar. and I' Mick to it. 3im,' he
adde(l. addressing one of his sons,
"stand up here, .before the judge.
"Now, sir, this boy is oitl(,nA'e
thousand dollars. Ilririged if I'd
take that piilo for him! Net, my
son, you stand im. i Judge, tliiSboy
is also woitli(llyc thousand, dollras.
Sue," ho' continued, nddicssing his
wife, "stand i. "Now Bmile for the
judge. Now laugh a little. Seivthat,
judge? That woman's worth .ten
thousand dollarsyif she's .worth n
ccntv --That makes-twenty tliousand
dollars. Now I am worth five
thousand iloHnrs wpuhjn' t, take, taJco
that amount for myself. But I
didn't claim (o rcpicscnt mine than
twenty thbustmd dollars: don't 3911
The justice reflected for a uibniont,
"I guess j'oiijrc' rjgh't, sit1. ' fTlio
ptntntcii arc' not pfaiu 'on the suhje,
but I'll discharge Vdu'." "r '
Sa3 -for 'instance',' a ' dog ,lo8cs ldj J
jjiny ,11111 11 ruypiur ivava 1119 ,'",'' i
ylocs it make' orphan's 01 'tlicn'i ?:
FaTlsobts. f II
tM ff ' S t
tho milky wav.
Th'c matcrit'il for
A pah- ofj3lif)f)cis Thc,oraugc
Strangers in a stratigo land:
llauauas iu Nova Zcmbla.
What's r,thct extreme penalty for
bigamy? Two mothers-in-law".
The flisC case of black male, Ilatn.
HOston Commercial Bulletin.
A movement on foot trimming
corn. THnciiinnti Saturday Night.
Verj few milk dealers will acknow
ledge that they know how tp swim.
Suiqnco says it took millions of
year-s.to evolve man from tho oyster.
The waist of time can always bo
found- In 'thc'hoi'ir-glass. Boston
If It wasVtior tho belles a good
many people' woild miss being
church members. Exchange.
The ciicus lidcr'jdst elected tothe .
Italian Pnrliamcnt.wns a ring candi
When the average man lapglis ho '
gets fat. When the printer gets fat
A simple but significant inscription
in a Western cemetery: "Tho editor
A piece of steel is a good deal like ,
a man when you get it 'red hot it
los.es its temper. ,
To reprove a fool is simply lost
labor; tlieieforc do not sit down and
A dead-lock Tho fastening of a
ccmetciy gntc. New Yoik Com
"Alcohol will oloan silver.'' Yes,
alcohol will clean all the silver out
of jour pocket. , ,
The fisherman beats the buyer by
weighing fish in its own scales'
New Orleans Picaj'ime. ,
A stump speech: "Gimmo the
butt of yer cigar, mister?" Boston
A buffalo is not a birdj but' wo
have often heard of 'a buffalo( bil,'
The mnn who scissors off coupons
is" the genuine revenue cutter.'
Burlington Hawkcyc. '
Agitation is the method thati plants
the school by the side of the ballot
box. Wendell Philips. ,
Georgia exports 500,000,000 feet
of lumber annually, which strips
93,00P acres of timber land.
Children aro like boils. Every
body knows how to take care of
those that belong to other people.
The cieme do la cicmc of soclctj
souis on 111.1113' aspiring people.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Costumes arc to be less clinging
this season, but prices will stick.;
New Yoik Commercial Advertiser.
To get up a dinner of great variet3,
cooks should be allowed a wide
range. New Orleans Picayune.
'Observation," Josh Billings sa3s,
"snows mac 11 laKcs less incii a
minute to transfer the oyster to
A clergyman has said that modern
3'oung ladies are not the daughters
of Shorn and Ham, but of Hem and
Which word would you rather write
"tweedledum" or twccdledee"?
' 'T eedlcdee, ' 'becniise it is wi itten
with moiu ease c'j".
" How could you think of calling
nuntic stimuli G9 to her Immedi
ately and tell her you arpj sorry."
Freddie goes to inuitiu nnd says
"Auntie,, I am sorry .you 1110 so
stupid.." ' ' r
The Lever that Sloven the World.
A woman, latch looking at it'priut-ing-press
at (wdrk turned to her com
panion, and in a most earnest manner
inquired "Well, Chailcy. an' thciu'rf
the things as wiites the papers. Bes
them what they call editors?"
Fritz "Midler! To-day is my
birthday."' Emma': '"And in.ti6,
too." Ovarl: "Mine, too!" Bertlia:
MMinc, tool'' Ida: "Mine, too!''
Mullci':i "Why, what a , remarkable
coincidence, neighbor.!" ,M6ther:
"Ah, 3os ; youscotwo cclebrateithcin
all on tho , same day because nit's
cheaper. "r-iFHeyeude Bluttef.
When "MrH. Homespun, iwho' had
lived Ull hori Hfo 'in a settlement iu
the Far West, heard of tlio political
assassinations in Ireland, and that
tlic.v were attributed to tho Irish, sho
exclaimed, Massy sakes! Ybi
don't tell' mo tho IHsh have g"ot 'into
Ireland? 'Well Svell, I bellcVc
they'ic everywhere!" ' ' '
' , pirici VistvvA'fXqur boyjJK's
jfiy badK Mrs, , Jpnep ; what's, fip
miittcr?" Mi-s. Joiies--,Yea,,'ift'"n,pi,,'
he jio very )nul. nud,whnVp more,, tho
(Innfni'a linu unndfi.liitn Tirirtan'' T'ni
Y " f....v.v, ...... v.rr.nf..
.rfM-ftri sy Hit i i l"" 1 r j
7uYvijeiY m mwmngjuipje, -, t(i j
W ' '
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