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NEW STEAMSHIP LINE TOCHINA.
A rumor, which seems to Have
somo truth in it is now current thnt
the 1'ncific Mull Steamship Company
fc, mid the Oregon Railway una Nnvi-
gatlun Company have entered into an
agreement to transport Chinese pas
sengers anil frgight from Hongkong
to Portland and British Columbia by
3k wnv of Snn Francisco. Tlic steamer
C. T. Hook was sent out with .1 mis
ecllaneous cargo and laborers for the
Canada Pacillc Kailroad as nnexperi
mctit, and the venture was found so
promising that, it is slated, it was de
termined to establish ji monthly ser
vice. The route determined on is
Portland, San Francisco and Hono
lulu on the return trip. Thu steamers
to be employed belong to Howard &
Co. of Hongkong. It is also stated
that an arrangement lias been made
by which the Pacillc Mail Company
receives $10 and the Oregon Railway
and Navigation Company receives
810 for the transportation of Chinese
passengers from Hongkong to British
Columbia. Edwin Goodall, of Good
all, Perkins & Co., admits that sonic
such agreement had been made and
states that provision has been made
for the joint maintenance of the
Chinese in transitu while waiting here
for the departure of the steamer for
Victoria. The agreement has already
gone into effect, and at present a
considerable number of Chinese la
borers arc awaiting transportation to
scenes of activity on the Camilla Pa
cificA. F. Bulletin.
THE ROLLING-PIN BURGLAR ALARM.
Well, let us suppose that the
burglar is in one of the upper rooms
unci j-ou want to catch him. You
just get the rolling-pin, two or three
of them, if you can, and lay them
on the stairs. Tlmn make a row and
the burglar will run down, but he
won't run far before stepping on a
rolling-pin, and then you descend at
your leisure and capture the remaius
of him at the foot of the stairs. It
isn't a good plan, however, to keep
rolling-pins on the stairs. habitually.
The wrong person is sure to forget
thcin, and then there is trouble and
a doctor's bill.
"While a doctor was visiting a sick
woman in Rolaudsville, Pa., two
children poured out a pint of mol
lasses into a silk hat, which he didn't
notice till he put.thc tile on his head.
Medical professor to raw student
"Where is the glottis?" I don't
know, sir. I think you put it on
the shelf in the dissecting room with
the rest of -your surgical instruments. ' '
At a medical examination a young
aspirant for a physician's diploma
was asked, " When does mortification
ensue?" "When you propose and
are rejected," was the reply.
The longest sentence on record
was pronounced by an Irish Judge.
Ho sentenced a murderer to im
prisonment for life, and afterward
added two more years to the sen
tence, because the prisoner called
him "no gentleman."
An English Bishop querulously re
marked to his servant that lie was
dying. "Well, my lord," said the
good fellow, "you arc going to a bet
ter place." "John," replied the pre
late with an air of conviction, "there
is no place like old England."
A woman lay throe- days in a
trance at Big Rapids, -Mich. On
recovering she believed that hlic had
died and conic to life! as another
person. This delusion cannot bo
dispelled, though in other respects
she is sane. And her husband will
be to all the trouble and expense of
courting her over again.
Here is a pretty story from Boston :
A woman recently annlied for State
aid, and the blank was produced and
the usual questions asked. She ans
wered them freely until it camo to
"Your age?" "Have 1 got to tell
that?" she asked. "The blank re
quires it. ma'am'," was the reply.
"Well, then," said she, "1 don't
want any Stnto aid," and she flounced
out of the olllce in high dudgeon.
A New Enghuider who has just
returned from a trip to Peru was the
other day telling how greatly the
currency of that country had depre
ciated, and turning tp 0110 of his
listeners ho added: "Why, just think
of their asking mo 140 for a break
fasti" "But you didn't pay it?"
"Certainly not. No, sir! 1 lived on
two meals a day until they camo
.down to 139 50."
One of the many pretty girl- in
Chicago, in behalf of all the other
pretty girls asks the superintendent
of one of the street railways to havo
the purplo glass removed from the
car windows as It makes their faces
look sickly. They will not object to
pink, as it has 11 tendency to add to
THE FRECKLE-FACED GIRL. '
" Ma's upstairs changing her
dress," said the freckle-faced little
girl, tying her doll's bonnet-strings
and casting her eyo about lor a tidy
large enough to servj as n shawl for
that double-jointed young person.
"Oh, your mother needn't dress
up for 111c," replied the female agent
of the missionary society, taking a
Rflf-s:itisfled view of herself in the
mirror. " Run up and tell her to
come down iustas she Is in her every
day clothes, and not stand on cere
mony." " Oh, but she hasn't got on her
every-day clothes. Ma was ail dressed
up In her new brown silk, 'cause she
expected Miss Dimmond to-day.
Miss Dimmond always comes over
herc.to show off her .nice things, and
ma don't mean to get left. When
ma saw you coming she said, 'The
dickens !' audi guess she was mad
about something. Ma said if you
saw her new dress she'd have to hear
all about the poor heathen, who don't
have silk, and you'd ask her for more
money to buy hymn-books to seiid'cin.
Say. do the nigger ladies use iiymn-
book leaves to do their hair up on
and make it frizzy? Ma says she
guesses that's all the good the books
do'em, if they ever get any books.
1 wish my doll was a heathen."
"Why, you wicked little girl,
what do you want of a heathen doll?"
inquired the missionary lady, taking
a mental inventory of the new things
in the parlor to get material 'for a
homily on worldly extravagance.
" So folks would send her lots of
nice things to wear, 'and feel sorry to
have her going about naked. Then
she'd have hair to friz, and I want a
doll with curly hair and eyes that roll
up like Deacon Slidcrbaek's when he
says amen on Suuday. I ain't .a
wicked girl, either, 'cause Uncle
Dick you know Uncle Dick, he's
been out West and swears awful and
smokes in the house he says I'm a
holy terror, and he hopes I'll be a
angel pretty soon. M a' 11 be down in
a minute, so you needn't take your
cloak off. She said she'd box my
ears if I asked you to. Ma's putting
on that old dress she had last year,
'cause she said she didn't want you
to think she was able to give much
this time, and she needed a new muff
worse that the queen of the cannon
ball islands needed religion. Uncle
Dick says you oughter go to the is
lands, 'cause you'd be safe there,
and the natifs'd be sorry they was
such sinners anybody would send you
to 'em. lie says ho never seen a
heathen hungry enough to eat you,
'less 'twas a'bfind one, an' you'd set
a blind pagan's teeth on edge so he'd
never hanker after any more mis
sionary. Uncle Dick's awful funny,
and makes pa and ma die laughing
"Your Uncle Richard is a bad,
depraved wretch, and ought to have
remained out West, where his style
is appreciated. He bets a horrid ex
ample for little girls like you."
" Oh, I think he's nice. He showed
me how to slide down the banisters,
and he's teaching me to whistle when
ma ain't round. That's a pretty cloak
you've got, ain't it? Do you buy all
your good clonics Willi missionary
money? Ma says you do.
Just then tho freckle-faced little
girl's ma came into tho parlor and
kissed the missionary lady on the
cheek and said she was delighted to
see her, and they proceeded to have
a real sociable chat. The little girl's
ma can't understand why si person
who professes to ho so charitable as
the missionary aprent docs should go
right over to Miss. Dimmond's and
say such ill-natured things as she
did, and she thinks the missionary is
a double-faced gossip. Jioston
Visitor (to disconsolate one)
"Rejected you, did she? Oil, what o'
that? Often do at fust. Try Her
again. You're not pertinacious
enough. You should havo pressed
her." Dejected one "Yes; but
confound her! she wouldn't let me
come near her!"
A young man out West recently
heard that Prof. Tyndall is of the
opinion that an nccordcon player
may render his listcnc.-s temporarily
insane by striking tho right chord.
Ho thought he would test this on
his girl's fnthcr, so he got an ae
cordeon and droppedinrouud to tho
house. Ho is now of the opinion
that Prof. Tyndall is right, that he
struck tho proper chord, and that
the old man was rendered tem
porarily insane ; because, when the
young man struck the chord, tho
old man just giabbed him, shimmed
him around for five minutes, danced
on him, and leit him in such u
condition that he couldn't walk for
several days; and how ho thinks
his once prospective father-in-law
was anything but sane at tho time
the proper chord was struck. . Ho
would aho like to meet Mr, Tyndall
in Iho woods,
-' A RAJAH'S MUSICAL BED.
The latest freak of a foreign visi
tor to Paris is without doubt the
order for a musical bed. Such an'
'arliclo of domestic comfort was
thought to be a myth, but nn Indian
rajah has just ordered one from
the celebrated firm of Christopher
Brothers. The bed is made of ma
hogany, embossed with silver plates,
nitislienlly carved to represent Venus
and Cupid. The ornamentation is
principally in the Indian style, but
the carved roses and entwined
flowers are planned on the delicato
French stylo that is so attractive.
The value of the material alone that
has been used in the construction of
this novel piece of furniture is
18,000 francs, and before it is com
pleted it will be woith 1)0,000 francs.
The mattress is covered with light
blue damask satin, and embroidered
with gold filagree silk. The act of
reclining upon this piece of beautiful
work starts the musical box, which
plays selections from Gounod, the
"Funeral March of a Marionct"
being the most attractive. The
greatest piece of mechanism yet re
mains to be told. The spring that
sets the musical box in motion con
nects also with each corner of the
bedstead where- four figures of wo
men stand, carved life-size and
painted to represent living creatures.
On being started, they gently wave
the plumed fans that are placed in
their hands, and move their eyes so
naturally that n casual observer
might mistake them for animated
beings. This is a somewhat strange
bed, even for an Indian prince, but
as the world grows to appreciate the
sight of wealth more and more in
every day life, it is t,o be presumed
that many innovations of this nature
will find their way into the mansions
of the wealthy.
Another lot of those Handsome
" Daily Bulletin "
Job Printing: Office,
An undergraduate at St. Ed
mund's Hall, Oxford, chalked on his
door, "Out till 2; after that shall be
in." A passer, seeing tho notice,
transposed the "out" and "in" a
reminder of a livelier piece of
"Scotch wut." Prcfcssor Blackie
chalked on bis notice board. "The
Professor is unable to meet his
classes to-morrow." A waggish
student removed tho "c," leaving it
"lasses." When the Professor re
turned, he noticed the new render
ing. Ecpial to the occasion, the
Professor quiotly rubbed out the
"1," and joined in tho hearty laugh
ter of the asses.
A couple of bootblacks were stand
ing near the entrance to a colored
church just as the dusky damsels and
sable swells were coming out. "Say,
Jim, let's get out o'this," exclaimed
ope of tho guniins. "Naw 1 won't,"
said the other ; "I'm going to wait
till the 'elouds"roll by."
The following is told of one of' the
Roths-childs lie of Frnnkort : Came
the Baron Von (J. into the office of
the great banker, "lake a chair,
sir," Said he, not even raising his
head from his writing. '-' Sir," said
(!., " why, sir, I am like yourself,
n Baron of the Empire, and, I think,
should be addressed as such." "A
thousand pardons," saiciRothschild,
"a Baron of the Empire? Then
take two chairs until I can nttend to
A St. Louis paper has n depart
ment devoted to "colored society,"
and the other day the foreman got a
lot of society items relating to white
folks, mixed in with those under the
heading epioted, aud tho editor of
that paper says ho never had such
particular hades to pay round his
ofllco before, for 20 years.
Professor Young of Princeton
College, says: "Take i railroad
from the earth to the sun, with a
train running forty miles .1111 hour
without htops, and it would take
about L'lio years and ft WUp oyer to
make the journey." Ho estimates
the faro at a cent per mile to be SUM,
000. The fare is low enough, but
we cau't spare the time for tho trip
jiM now, iV, r, Vwi' 4dv,
ELECTRICITY LET LOOSE IN NEWARK.
Apropos of tho dniigor to tele
phone and telegiaph wires resulting
from contact with aro light wires,
tho following paragraph, clipped
from tho New York Sun of March
3d, will bo interesting:
All the telephones on tho talking
circuit at the different fire engine
houses in Newnrk were burned out
last night by electricity. The acci
dent was caused by tho contact of
the fire department" wire with an
electric light wire. The shock was
felt in the Central Telephone office,
when all tho indicators suddenly
dropped. Tho current was so strong
ill the office of the Superintendent
of Fire Alarms that the wood work
surrounding the instruments burst
into flanies. In some of the engine
houses the men were driven out by
tho play of electric flames.
"Too full for utterance" Dead
One can learn to play on the tele
phone by ear.
Young lady "Isn't this child a
little Frenchman?" Nurse "I can
not tell; the father is a German, the
mother French." Young. lady "Ah,
then we shall not be able to find out
until the little fellow can speak."
Brooklyn young man who comes
to bid his sweetheart good-by
"Well, Lizzie, I'm off for Cincinnati
to-night." Lizzie, whoso counte
nance is expressive of the utmost
alarm "Off for Cincinnati ! Why,
gracious heavens, Charley, I thought
you told :11c you couldn't swim."
Rev. 'Mr. Talmagc says the eye
winks thirty thousand times a day.
When the owner of that eye enters a
drug store, the clerk behind tho soda
water fountain can pick the right
wink out of a hundred the first lime.
Mr. Talmagc fails to explain this
wonderful mind-reading power on
the part of the clerk.
"What's the crowd about?"
asked a stranger, as he noticed a
stic.un of visitors going into a
fashionable residence. "It's a silver
wedding," obligingly replied his in
formant." What's a silver wedding?"
"Why, a chap has been married
twenty-five times, and he's a celebra
tin' of it."
"What d'ye leave that door wide
open for?" exclaimed the gentleman
in tho office to the intruding ped
dler. "Oj. thought, suit," was the
quick reply, "that ye moight want
to kick 111c down stairs, and Oi
wanted to make it convanicntrfor ye,
suit." The gentleman was so taken
aback that he bought two apples for
five cents, pnssing off a bad quarter
in the transaction.
An Austin young lady, who has
enjoyed the advantages of a. classical
education at a Northern female col
lege, happened to be at home when
her aged grandmother was stricken
down with a fatal illness. The en
tire family gathered around the
deathbed of the old lady, who in a
feeble voice said: "Good-by to you
all; I am gwine tcr peg out."
"Grandmother!" exclaimed the
voting lady, in a tragic tone of
voice, "please don't say that. Don't
Bay 3011 arc gwine to peg out. Say
you arc going to expire or that you
contemplate approaching dissolution.
It sounds so much better."
The fashion of men wearing brace
lets, the Court Journal says, is on
tho increase in' England among tho
aristocratic circle, thus following the
example set by royalty. It is, of
course, purely continental in, its
origin, the Austrian and Italian gen
tlemen especially favouring the
fancy; but it makes only slow
progress among the Parisians. We
sec by a photograph of 'the heir ap
parent of the Austrian throne that
the Archduke Rodolph wears a
massive bracelet niicl chain. The
King of Italy also in 'His latest port
rait displays a, bracelet.
During tjio palmy days of, the jn
comc .tax, and when blanks yero
mailed to even tailors' apprentices,
a farmer living near Columbus, Ohio,
called upon a lawyer In that city and
said: "I'm afraid I'll havo to pay
an income tax on about $800.,' "Is
that so? That would be too bad."
"Yes ; tho baro Idea makes 1110 feel
terrible. I want to figure with you
and sec if wo can't beat the Govern
ment." Tho two sat down and went
over income and expenses a dozen
times over, but figure as they would,
there was 800 on which income
shpuld bo paid, "Idmvo it I Havo
it!" suddenly exclaimed the lawyer
as a light broke in on him. "You
must return 8800 as lent on a note
for a year; I'll give you my note,
take the money, and Uncle Sam may
whistle." "I'll bo Hanged if I don't
doit!" cried old cornstalk j ami
do it Hu did. He Hadn't boon able
to collect anything on the note up to
ti year ago, but Ho beat the Govern
WClt oil the. Slime, '"
THE RECKLESS BEE.
An experimenter in Southern
agriculturo told mo tho following
histories of Northern bees in tho
South. Ho took a colony of tho
little gratuitous Honoyniakers down
to Florida. Tho first year they
revelled, throvo and stored Honey
nearly all tho unvaried Summer
time. But the second year n few of
tho more reflective bees evidently
turned tho thing over in their minds
thus: "This country lias no Whiter
to provide against, what is tho uso
of laying up honoy, when tho
flowers blossom nil the year round?"
Thcso bees exerted enough in
fluence among their mentis to keep
a good many bees from laying by
any sweet merchandise tho "second
year of their exile.
.But the prudontinl instinct so
strong in tho little insect prevailed
with the majority. They evidently
said to themselves: "I'erhnps thjs
has been an exceptional year.
Ncxt'sca3on may bring cold and
snow and dearth of flowers." So
thoro was quite a stock of honey
laid by. The third year tho conviction
had evidently thoroughly penetra
ted tho bee mind that it was foolish
to lay up in a land of , eternal blos
som. They made just enough to
last from day to day, abandoned
themselves to living from hand to
mouth, as recklessly as docs any
tropic born butteilly. Washington
A philosopher informs us that a
bonnet is no longer a bonnet when it
becomes a pretty woman. ,And the
'inference is that a woman is no longer
a woman when she becomes a "poke. ' '
Young widow to the marble-cutter
"Tell mo, must I put on the tomb
of my Husband the words, 'Eternal
Regrets,' or simply 'Regrets?' "AH,
madam," replied the marble-worker,
with his inost charming smile, "that
is for you to decide. Does madam
think of marrying again soon?"
Just exactly the same : An Austin
gentleman, who was listening to tho
commander of a colored militia com
pany drill his men, was very much
struck with the lucidness of the ex
planation of the difference between
"right about face" and "left about
face." "Tcnshun! Loft 'bout face
am perzactly tie same as right 'bout
face, ccptin' Hit am dc oppersitc."
An old story is being revived of a
prayer-meeting held for a poor fel
low's relief who had broken His leg.
While Deacon Brown was praying a
tall fellow with an ox-lond knocked
at the door, saying, "Father could
not come, but sent His prayers in the
carl," They were potatoes, beef;
pork and corn.
A Troy man had his eor ripped off
by a buzz saw. An excited young
doctor who had been starving for
seven months for His first case,
stuck it on, backward, sewed it fast,
and it grew, And now that man
looks like a crack trotter waiting to
get the word, aud he can Hear Half
way round the square in both direc
tions. Heaping on the horrors: Lady
Midas "And wc were bustled into
the train anyhow, my dear Mrs. Do
Tompkyns; and only imagine our
horror, when the train Had started,
nt discovering that wc were in a
second-class carriage!" Grigsby
(innocently) "Dear ine ! Yes J
Very awkward, in deed I You'tl
taken third-class tickets, I'suppose?"
(Horror of Lady and Miss Midas,
who generally take a saloon carriage
all to themselves.) London Punch
"Do you. keep coffee .here?" lie
asked, as he entered a Woodward a
ventie grocery. "Yes sir." "Do you
ronst it yourself?" "Arc do." "Is
Iho adulterating all done on your
premises?" "It is. We have a clean,
airy adulterating room, free from ash
Heaps, old hats, broken bottles nnd
oyster cans, and the man who mixes
in the beans, peas, ground cocoanut
shell aud parched corn uses nothing
but the best Hair oil and toilet soap.
How much will you have?" "Two
pounds," was tho bland reply, nnd
Ixo walked off apparently well pleased.
A man in Fort Worth Texas, pur
chased u mule from a farmer for
scvcnty-llvo dollars. Somo days la
ter ho returned, His countenance
glowing with an expression of grati
tude, and begged the seller to nccept
twenty-live dollars more. "But I
got nil I osked," remonstrated tho
honest agriculturist. "Never mind,"
persisted the man, "make it a clean
Hundred." The farmer reluctantly
accepted the money, nnd the 'two
were about parting, when tho pur-
chaser of the animal said: "You'll
come to the funeral, won't you?"
"Whoso funeral?" asked tho other,
with a puzzled look. "My wife's.'
"You don't tell mo she's dead, poor
thing?" " Yes , tjo mule kicked h,M
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