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A FEW.AUSTRAUAN YARNS. .
(lly .XkIcs In tlio Austinlnslnii.)
It happened in n tovMiship north
of Adelaide. Tlio locnl lawyer had
bought a liorso rather low in condi
tion, and ho asked the local banker,
who says the smart tilings of the
township, to givo the bleed a name.
"H'm," said the banker, assuming
the knowing air which characterises
men skilled in horses. "Seems to
want ilbsh." " Well," said the law
yer, who always begrudges full as
sent to anything, "ho might want a
little flesh perhaps a pound or so."
" Oh," said the banker, " if that's nil,
there's a naino to your hand call
him Shylock."
In former times lire insurance
companies used to nlllx to the build
ings upon which they took risks
plates more or less ornamental, and
which answered the double purpose
of advertising the extent of the com
pany's business nnd might perchance
stimulate a Arc brigadier or iv shnic
holdcr to especial offort if a confla
gration occurred. The following
story suggests the notion that it
might not be amiss for the componics
to indicate nowadays where there
risks existed. A squatter, who was
addicted to the frequent use of the
words "you see," had his woolshcd
burnt down. Shortly nfterwards he
observed written on one of his gates,
MJVIr. Macphairshon you sec, if
you had fed the swagmen you sec,
your woolshcd would not have been
burnt down you sec." Mr. M.,
awaro of his pcculiaiity, took out a
pencil and wrote underneath,
"Youfro a fool you sec. The
woolshcd was insured you see, and
we've built a better one with the
money you sec."
On therbanks of the Murray there
lives a rich wool-producer of High
land extraction, whoso education was
Badlyfncglected in his youth. Thus
to, his storekeeper: "Hae ye,bookit
that chaque to that man O'Shavor?"
"Yes, sir; certainly, sir." Squatter,
turning over the leaves (with book
,upside down), 'I canna seo it; ye'll
just book it again, Mac Duncan,
.tjook them tilings as aften qs yc think
o'them. Ye canna book them too
aftqn. If there's any mistake the
men will tell ye of it!"
A lady and her, son of somei 12
summers were visitors at a small
sheep station in New Zealand,, work
ed by tho owner himself. With the
latter the,boy frequently, went about
as attention was, required at differ
ent portions of tho property.. One
day they; set off together with a
bullock dray -tm, ,a comparatively
long, expedition! HtutwMhqHr-iifter-wards
tthe boy returnedfrhiinsclfv
The wife of the stntion-owhotlooking
up ,0s the lad approached exttaftned,
"There, I told Fred,(her busted)
the. bullocks could, never crops &u(tt
dy, Creek." Tqe visitor (astomV
eel), "IJow. can you tell .what ho it
doing?" "Easily enough. He has
sent your boy. back so as to be able
toi swear comfortably at the bul
locks." A New England' physician says
that if every family would keep a
box of mustard in the house, three
fifths of the doctors would starve.
We don't exactly see how ,that
Tfould, affect the doctors, but we
know that if a box of mustard were
the only, provisions in a house the
entire family, would starve.
IJE'LL.NEVER TELL THE-TRUTH AGAIN.
I. heard , a good story the other day
of a Brooklyn gentleman who is now
a member, of the State Assembly.
He belonged to a club in South
Brooklyn.to' .which a number of poli
ticians belong and every night there
was aygome of- poker at the rooms.
KJtia yngub nc. utjcaiuB ay iiiccresteu in i
tbc cranio that lie did not quit till !
nearly G o'clock in the morning.
Whan he got home he (found his wife
sittitog up fr him,
'What has kept you out so late?"
the gentle Bp$uBo,iquired.
"Well, my dear, I. was down at
tho club and cot playing poker. I
was, out and couldn't leave till I got,
even."
"Well, go to bed," suggested the
loving wife,
As soon as the poker player was
safely asleep his better-half put on
her street clothes.and proceeded to
the club house touscertain whethpr
or not her liege lord was telling the
truth. Arriving at tho house she saw
tho colored steward John by name.
"Has Mr. beenhereto-iiiglit?"
she OBkcd of tho dusky youth.
"Ycs'm."
"What time did ho leave?"
John thought it would never do to
Bay about 6 o'clock in the morning,
bo with n view of smoothing things
over ho determined to tell a lie.
" 'Bout 11 o'clock, missis," ho re
plied. Tliero was fim ' ". , , ,
She rushed home at breakneck speed,
and when alio reached it ilcw iijto tho
bedroom and woke up her sk'eping
husband.
t'You'io a wicked liar!" she said.
Royal Hawaiian Agricultural
IEiE3SIX3BaiT'T : HIS MAJESTY IKE XCXaSTG-.
His Majhstv
Hon. A. S.
Mr. A. Jaeger,
The Society's First Annual Agricultural and Horticultural Show
Will, by permission of His Excellency tho Minister of Interior, be held on tho ri-clainicd ground, mauka of Ilulckuiiiln, street, on
TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY & THURSDAY,
JUNE 12th, 13th ani 14th.
Thiough tho liberality of tho Legislature the Board of Management arc in n position to put forward tho following extensive list of
for to be competed for at this Show. Tho money values of tho different pi izes and the forms in which they will be given, will be:
will offer to be competed for at this Show. The money values oi tlio uiucrent pi izes ami tne torins in wincii inoy will be given, will be announced
at a later dote. In tho case of all tho more Important classes tho Prizes will be given in BUch a form as to ba worthy of preservation as mementoes
0fth0OVCnt- SOHEDtJLE OF PRIZES:
DIVISION l-NEAT CATTLE.
1 Betlmpoitcd Bull, Duihain
2 Second Best Imported Bull Durham
3 Beet Imported Bull, Hereford
4 Sceond Best Imported Bull, Here
ford 5 Best Imported Bull, Angus
0 Best Imported Bull. Jersey
7 Bet Imported Bull of nny other
breed
8 Best Xntlvo Bull of anybiccd
0 Best Diiiluim Cow, full blood or
fradc, native born
lest Heieford Cow, full blood or
Sradc, native born
est Angus Cow, full blood or grade,
nntheborn
12 Best Jersey Cow, full blood or grade,
native born
13 Best Imported Cow of any breed
14 Best Native Cow of any bleed
15 Best Yoke or Working Oxen, native
born
1G Best Fat Ox, over four years old,
native born
17 Bet Fat Steer, under four years old,
native born
18 Second BcstFatStcer, under 4 years
old, native born
10 Best Milch Cow, imported or native
ttt-Second Best Milch. Cow, Imported
br native
(Division 2 HORSES.
I BeBtlmported Stallion, for carriage
use
2 Seconal Best Imported Stallion, for
carriage tthe
3 Best,lMQ6rtad Stallion for draught
4-Second TteW, Imported' Stallion for
draught UN&,,
5 Bcstlmpoilfcu Stallion for saddle use
6 Second lien i imported Stallion lor
saddle .use
7 BosbNatlvo
oBrAuion,'"over4 years old
re BlnUlon, under. 4 years
8 Best Native
0 Best Imported Mne forcarrlago use
10 Bestilmportcd JwVfe for saddle use
11 Best Imported MSWMor draught use
12 Best Mare andiFbaU native
13 Second Best MnttJ UndFoai; native
14 Best Gelding, IWUVPi
!& Snunnd
-Second Best GcuUUg)
native
lARfHtlKillv
17-iSbond Best I'll
""?.. torn.
native
18 BtffttjNatlvc aiuie: u
10-Secofil Best NatiVe Mb
20 llosk Ilf of iNiltlvd lib
T" :L7.Vi; .. - M
lie
21 BestiPtttof NattWfflhiiiEl
rses1
;lit Horses
, DylBioN3J-8UBEl?.
A BestlftttjOrtcdBiltti tr wool1
SfcconaBebUuipdrraaKatn, for wool
BABest'Ilnlrtbd Ittlllii lOriinutton
'4-Second. m IliiliUlfell. ,Ilain, .for
, Wtotton. ,, ,,,, lifti..
frHBeit TWA jmnorteu awes
fl-Seepbd Bettfl.Vo llripbi
drted. Ewes
7i-Brf
M Mm
8 S
Jtafclftitlvl
0 Be
10 Best
t-feb Native Bees
mm 4-mviNE.
1-BesV!
2 Soeoi
TjliDdrtiid Bo
3 Best
mAh
4 SocOk
5 Best i
0 Secoi
MUhtM.mw
mini : 'U:
"Jta babH
ililj ilU.i .ji. ,i..
IUO V1UII iBUUIbllU UUl
eft dtii.b'ciock. ru
till 8peiia bur evenings
fchvduVA
key say
find out ,i
withy yoU,
And ttti
4k rushed It her devo-
,tcdlordi
iPvohlhijkJmakingthat
sec ins .w
.while tbJ;
n-chatterlng. After a
jhlty-fMSfiettled; but
the Assol
Han liwl Jot boon out:
after aitfMlgu i BinoOrrtbat is,- wbon
hetainBlBllM&n. itt York Star.
i i'i , I 1 1 i tn'i.'
hJWAmi'away!"
A shfltfcf iiifie itil says the Salt
Lako Trlbiilioi brfiht looking Da
nish bojf itblipotl Into a4awyor's of-
fir on1
"I w4i
i toll' mo who I am,?'
lavinir
on the desk at tho
sanio tlffib;
Tho t iftfyrj peeping alternately
at tho oof and at tho $5 bill, shak
ing hill hoail, replied:
"It seems you nro a funny hoy?"
Nt funny at all, You will IM
it a vcr serious matter,"
"Well, go ahead and explain it,"
"About twenty years ago a wcnl.
thy Danish lady, hoing a widow,
camo over to this cquntry with her
two daughter, Thoro was a Nor
wegian and his boy, The father
married both tho widow's daughtorSi
Onn yeav aftor, tho Norwegian's boy
married tho wonlthy widowj Tho
rpsut of that marrU
iv... - r as another
w, , i.ju u ji dm sure, I am tWat boy.
Tho Norwegian's boy dicdi Tho
Danish widow was a widowtagtfin,
but tho old Norwegian married her
too. Aftor that tho old ladyUied,
and one year ago tho old gentleman,
too, after ho had made hunsejf the
BOARD OF MANAGEMENT:
President. Hon. H. A. Widemank,
Cuxinoim, His Honor Chief Justice Judo, His Honor First Associate Justice
Dr. R. McKinntx, Dr. G. Tkousskau, Mr. A. W. JJtfsii.
'. Treasurer. Mr. J. S. Wemj,
7 Best Litter of Pigs under ten months
old, native
8 Best Fat Pig, natlvo
0 Sceond Bct Fat Pig) hntivo
Note By "native" Is meant an ani
mal born In this Kingdom, lircspcctlvo
of pedlgice.
Division 5-POULTJtY.
1 Bct White Leghoin; Booster and 2
Hens
2 Best Brown Leghorn ; Booster and 2
Hens
3 Best Black Spanish; Rooster and 2
Hens
4 BetDomlnlck; Rooster and 2 Hens
5 Best Three Dometlo (Jccso
0 Best Pair Native Geese
7 Bct Pair any other breed
8 Best Three Muscovy Ducks
II Best Three Aylesbury Ducks
10 Best Three Canton Ducks
11 Best Three Turkeys
12 Best Three Varieties of Pigeons
Division 0 DOGS.
A show of thoroughbred dogs w ill be
organized, and prizes will be) awarded
for deserving exhibits.
Division 7 DAIRY PRODUCE.
1 Best Firkin of Butter. 10 His' or more
2 Second BestFlrkln of Butter, 10 lbs
or more
3 Best Pound of Butter, the exhibitors
being house-keepers and making
their own butter
4 Second Best. " " "
Division 8 FISH.
1 Finest Specimen Imported Ficsh
Water Fish
2 Second Best Specimen Imported
Fresh Water Fish
Division O-DOJlESTfC'MAXU-FACTURES.
1 Best Variety of Mats
2-Bcst Exhibit of Men?s Hats
3-Bet Exhibit of Women's Hats
4 Best Kapa
5 Best Exhibit of Calabashes made
from Hawaiian woods
6 Best Exhibit of 'Bow IS of Wood and
of Cocoanut
7 Best Exhibit of Ornaments: ICukui,
Shell & others " '
8 Second Best Exhibit oi Ornaments :
Kukui, Shell, & others
9 Best Exhibit of Artiticial Flowers &
Wi paths
10 Best Exhibit of Carving on Wood or
stone
11 Best Home 3Iadc Saddle
12 Best'Homc'Made Harness
DlVlSiONHO AGRICULTURAL
PRODUCTS.
Class 1 Sugar Canes.
1 Best Bundle of Sugar Cane
2 Second Best Bundle of Sugar Cane
3 Laigest Collection of Diffeicnt va-
licties of'Sngar'Cane
4 Best single stictof Sugar Cane
Class 2 Forage Plants.
1 For the greatest variety of Forage
Plants, repicsenting fields of not
less -than one acie
2 For the introduction of any uefnl
foreign plant piovcil to Mieeced in
any portion of the Kingdom (peel
men plants to b'e exhibltcdjat the
show)
owner of his third wife's property.
Now, when I claimed abut property,
my sister said: 'Stop, you can't bo
the heir at all!' You are our lato
husband's, grandchild. By her mar
riage with hiinou became your'
mother's grandchild, too, and after'
.she died, webecame your mothers,
and you never oan inherit the pro
perty before vfo are dead, That's1
what my sistor mothers say, but ,1
think that can't bo right, autj there'
must bo some mistake in polygamy.
Now, sir, pleaso to i tell mo what I
am who I am."
Tho lawyer, thrusting his chin
into his neck, answered pathotically:
" You are a polygamistako!"
. i .
Scidlitz, the farn;yus general of
cavalry, when still a young offlcOr,
used to maintain that; nny mounted
soldier wliq (Mowed himself to be
Wu piMnpv, togothcr with his
hoi se, was a scamp nnd a coward.
He once rode in the suit of the. king
oyer the biUlgo lending into tho
fortrofcS of Otlogaus, When thoy
had reached tho middle of the bridge,
t a signal from tho king, the two
drawbridges in front nnd behind were
drawn up, and tho King turned to
hPUllltii with tuo words? No"
nix my pi Wonor. ' ', j"
Mnjestv" , ,ot yet, your
v , answered the bold horse
man, as he gave the spurs to his
horse, leaped over the parapet into
tho Oder, and swam safely to shore.
He was only a cornet when he sprang
into the water, but ho found himself
a captain by the time he got to laud.
Definition of n soldier of fortune
A soldier who has uone.
Class 3 Other Products
1 Best Kalo
2 Second Beit Knlo
3 Greatest Number of Varieties of Kalo
4 Best exhibit of Rice In Ear, or Paddy
5 Best sample of Coffee 50 lbs
0 Best collection of Native Grown
Fibrous Plants
7 Bet Pumpkin
8 Best Sweet Potatoes
0 Best IrMi Potatoes
Class 4 Pibducts iW Manufactured
for Export.
1 Bet sample of Sugar
2 Second best ditto
3 Bct sample of Rlee
4 Sceond bet dlttb
5Bcst exhibit of Fibre from any na
tive or Intioduecd plant grown beie
6 Best exhibit of any kind of Dried or
Pi escrved Fruit grown lii tills cbun
try Class 1 Plants in Flower.
1 Bet collection olRoes
2 Bet half dozen Roses
3 Bet Roe. single plant
4 Best eoll6etion of Gei alliums
5 Best half dozen Geraniums
0 Best Geranium, single plant
7 Best collection of Pinks
8 Bc.it collection of Carnation
fl Best collection of Gladeoll
10 Best collection' 6f Pnnlcs
11 Best collection of Fuchsias
12 Best collection of Dahlias
13 Best collection of Begonias
Class 2 Useful and ornamental Trees
.and'Pbmts (growing).
1 Best collectloh'of Ferns
2 Best half doen Ferns
3 Best Fern, single plant
4 Best collection of coloied leaf Bego
nias , 5 Best'collectlon of Shrubs
u JJCL UU11CCI1U1I Ul U1UIUI1S
7 Second-best collection of Uiotons
8 Bcst.collectloii'of Hiblsel
D Best collection of Giacai nas
10 Best'collectlon' of Palms
11 Seeoiid1 best'collectlon of Palms
.12 Bi!st collection of Forest Trees,
suitable for country
13 Bet collection of Native Trees
14 Best geneial collection of Plants
Clas 3 Cut Flowers.
1 BCsfBouquet of Flowers
2 Seeoiid best Bouquet of Flowers
i3 Best collection of Roses
4 Bct one Rose
5 Best exhibit of diied and pressed
Floweis
0 Best exhibit of diied and' pressed
Plants
Class 4 Fruits.
1 Best Bunch of Bananas
2 Largest collection of Bananas
3 Best Grapes
4 Best Pine Apples
5 Best Alligator Pears
0 Best Mangoes
7 Best Oranges
8 Best Olives
9 Best Peaches
10 Best Almonds
11 Best Figs
12 Best Guavas
13 Best Cocoanuts
14-Best'Breiid Fruits
Ralnll Onrhif.. nn inrroninna t.wnlvo
,year old boy of Honeybrook, Ches
ter county, j.'a,, nas uevisea a. novel
wav of srettinor rid of rata whinh in-
ifest his father's cellar. He has con
structed out of old fruit jars a bat
tery of three Leydcn jars', which ho
connects and places upon a large iron
plate which touches the tinfoil on the
outside. The bait is so arranged
that when the rat steps upon tho
plate and seizes the bait he at once
makes, the connection between the .
outside and inside of the jms. nn
,they arc discharged throUjjh "" " ,, '
hgutmW Hc chrgC8 by
means of an electric machine, also
constructed by himself. He ran a
CQijplo of wires through tlio floor to
tho cellar from tho loom above, nnd
as soon as hc would hear a rat
squeak ho would immediately re
ehnrgo tho battery. The first timo
ho put the machine in operation he
slaughtered 25 rats in tho spaco of
threo hours, and in two days tho
cellar was entirely cleared of tho
pests.
e.7, ,- - t -
I 'Never milk while the cow is cnt-
ing,"is tho advice of a bucolic con
temporary. Judging from the cha
racter of much of tho milk that
comes to maiket, it would bo more
to tho point never to milk while tho
cow is drinking.
A collection of human skulls num
bering upwards of G000, of nil nation
alities mid all periods, is 'owned by
Professor Vircliow of Berlin.
Society.
Vice-President.
McCuu.y,
...,..; .Secretary.
Prizes they
15 Best Lemons
10 Best Limes
17 Best Loiniats
18-Best Vis
ID Best Chcrelnoyas f
20 Best Dates
2l Best Pomegranates
22 Best Water Melons
23 Best Mush Mclohs , . '
24 Best Basket of Assorted Fruits
Class 5 Vegetables.
1 Best Aspaiagus
2 Best Green Peas
3 Best Carrots i
4 Best Turnips
5 Best Cabbages
0 Best Caullllow crs
7 Best Pumpkins
8 Best Squash
0 Best Beans
10 Best-Egg-plant
11 Bct Radishes
il2 Best Koheiabls
13 Best Celery
14 Best assortment Of Vegetables
Division 11 HORTICULTURE.
Division 12 AGRICULTURAL LM-
PLEMENTS AND MACHINERY.
23 Best collection of Foiest Trees,
suitable for the country
24Best'collectiontof Native Trees
Prizes will be given for the best cxhl.
bits of Implements and Machinery
specially adapted to tho Agricultural in.
dustries of these Islands, and to tho pre
ipnration of our Agricultural products
for exportation, and especially for now
inventions of value in tills department. I
AWAims will also be made for merit
orious exhibits of articles wbiph may not
be included in the above list; and all ex
hlbits that will be of interest to tho
Agriculturalist, the Mill Owner, or the
Hprtlculturalist are earnestly Invited.
If in 1111V CUSO tlin illdirna ql,,lll (Wtiln .
that the exhibits in a Class are not of
Mifllcient merit, no prize will be award,
cd. The freight, to and fro, of animals
sent from the other islands solely for tho
purpose of exhibition at the Show will
be refunded to the exhibitor by the
Society.
The following arc the Standing Committee!
of the Society for the present year:
On Houses Hon. A. F. Judd, (Chair,
man); Hon. J. A. Cummins, and Messrs.
S. M. Damon, F. S. Pratt and C. Lucas.
On .Neat Cattle Hon., W. H. Rico
and Messrs. J. W. Wright Jus. Camp,
bell, B. F. Dillingham and M. Rose.
On Sheep Messrs. J. E. Barnard, F.
Sinclair and F. Spencer.
On Swine Messrs. Allan Herbert, C .
T. Gulick and Geo. N. Wilcox.
On PodXtiix Messrs. R. F. Bicker
ton, Cecil Brown and W. R. Seal.
Dahiy Pkoduce Dr. Whitney and
Messrs. Henry May and S. J. Levey.
On Aomcoi.Tun.vi. Implements
Slessrs. W. W. Hall, J. B. Atherton and
H. R. Macfarlanc.
On Hoiiticultuiie Mcssis. J. II.
Paty, F. A. Schaefer, C. O. Bcrgor, Rio
menschneider, Kidwcll and F. L. Clarke.
By order of the Boaid,
J. 8. WEBIVSec
Thctimid folks arc anxiously arid
fearfully looking- forward to the
possible destruction of the world by
the prophesied comet falling into the
stm. They believe it's going to
happen,' but1 they want just as big
prices for their freehold property, as
other people. Melbourne Bulletin.
Tho shorter tho 'tunnel tKeaweetec
tho kiss.
Salmon! Salmon!
E. C. McCANDLESS
OFFERS F01J SALE
Bblb'C. E. Salmon, extras
Bbls Skeena Biver Salmon,
Bbls Frazer Biver Salmon,
Hlf bbls Salmon, choice,
Bbls & hlf bbls Plant. Salmon,
Kits Salmon Bellies.
Stalls, Nos, 2 and 3
FISH MARKET, '
300 lm
HONOLULU.
Correct TraiMlHtioiiM,
FUOM English into Hawuiiau, done
by J, SHELDON. Leave orders
at the oftlcQ of this puper, 401 3w
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