Newspaper Page Text
- ff- J 4 Oi
,i i, -"- iYr
.Tii 'It "F.-' ' lVlfwP
none! And then, at this point our
information ceases. But do we not'
know sufficiently? Are we not cog
nizant of enough?
v " Would we dare to pierce the veil
that shrouds the ulterior fato of Old
Mother Hubbard, the poor dog, tho
cupboard, or the bone that was not
there? Must we imagine' her still
standing at the open cupboard door,
or depict to ourselves the dog still
dropping his disappointed tail' upon
tho floor the sought-for bone still
remaining somewhere else ? Ah!
no, my dear brethren, we are not so
permitted to attempt to read the fu
ture. Suffice it for us to glean from
the beautiful story its many lessons ;
suffice it for us -to apply them, to
study them so far as in us lies, and
and bearing in mind the natural
frailty of our nature ;'to avoid being
widows ; to shun the patron3-mic of
Hubbard ; to have, if our means af
ford it, more than one cupboard iti
the house, and to keep stores in them
all. And oh! dear friends, keeping
in recollection what we have learned
this day, let us avoid keeping dogs
that are fond of bones. But, brethren,
if we do if faith has ordained that
wo should do any of these things-let
us than go, as Mother Hubbard did,
straight, without curveting or pran
cing, to our cupboard, empty though
it be let us, like her, accept the
inevitable with calm steadfastness;
and should we, like her, ever be left
with hungry dog aud an empty cup
board, may future chroniclers be
able to write also of us, in the beauti
ful words of our text.
" 'And so the poor dog had none.' "
HE GAVE IT AWAY.
He was trying to sell tho stranger
his house and lot, and after tho pros
pective purchaser had wandered
through the attic, and nosed around
tlio'kitclien, and poked into the clos
ets, and rattled the windows to sec
if they iwerc 'tight, and swelled of
the cistern water to see how much
dead cat it would assay to the, gal
lon, the owne of the property took
him down into the cellar, which he
had spent all nightin whitewashing.
Tho meter, which was stuck up on a
shelf in oue corner of the cellar, at
tracted the stranger's attention.
"How much does your gas' cost
you a year?" asked he.
The householder gave a knowing
wink, poked the stranger in tho ribs,
"You don't look' like a man who
would give the thing away, and see
ing as you're going to buy the house
anyway, I don't mind' telling you
It don't costiino a cent."
"It don't?" 6aid tho stranger
with evident surprise.
"No, not a red," said the other,
"and it's all owing to a little obser
vation on my part as to the workings
of tho meter there. I'll explain.
You bee, when I first moved into tho
i-ouse I was doing a good business,
and so I had everything fixed up in
a tony stylo, chandeliers in every
room, in the house, kitchen included,
and other luxuries to correspond.
But after awhilo mv business began
to run down, and I had to shut down
on expenses. My wife suggested
that we economize on the gas bill;
so I bought a, lot of lamps, and we
stopped using tho gas-burners, ex
cept in tho parlor, when we had com
pany. When tho man with the lan
tern came around to look at tho me
ter I fairly kicked myself with joy
to think how it would astonish him.
But it didn't.
"The bill for that month was just
as big as it was the month before,
anu when 1 squealeu there was tuo
meter to back them up. I couldn't
rn. nrnnnrt ttinf "Wrll. nnt. ninntll
i? .. :r :vrr " . ' ;. , v
l thought 'a experiment, oo i
put the lamps away in thcgarret,
and used every gas-burner in tho
house. Kept two chandeliers in4lie
bedrooms going day and.night, just
for luck. Bill'for that month just
the same. Then I thought I might
as well be getting all the goo&out of
that meter that it would stand, so I
told the gas company I'd hko, to have
i a couple of chandeliers put in the
stable for the use of the hired man.
Thev came and put them in, and
that very same day a man came to
fix up the meter. Said some of the '
meters were wearing out inside, and
had to have some of their driving
. wheels lenewed, or something of
that sort. Tho hired girl said that
he took out a cog-wheel and put in a
larger one, and then wound it up
like an eight-day clock. At the end
of that month the bill was about
twice as big as before
"Well, that month' s bill settled
me, you can just bet. I -tapped a
hole in the pipe leading to the barn,
ran another pipe over to oyr next
neighbor, and let him have 'all .the
gas he wanted for 10 per cent off.
Inside of two months I was supply
ing the whole square, and it didn't
cost a cent moic than it, did to
supply my house and stabler By
this little scheme and by strict econo
my I have beeii enabled to amass a
hapdsome sum of money, and as
soon as you take this house off my
hands I'm going to move into the
big brick down on the corner.. I'll
turn this little monopoly right over
into your hands. It's a little dan
gerous, but if you've got the nerve
your gas needn't cost you a cent,
and as I said at first, and "
" My gas isn't likely to coat me
anything,, anyway," said the stran
ger, interrupting him for the first
"Because," said the stranger,
solemnly, "I'm the now Secretary
of the gas company." Boston
HAIR, TEETH, PORES AND THE'.SENSES OF
TASTE AND SMELL WANTI YG lift .MAN.
A man without hair on any part Ct
his body, who never had any teeth,
who is entirely destitute of the sense
of smell, and whose taste is just fine
enough to detect a piece of limburger
cheese from a stone, was oxh' jited
to the physicians of 'the Philadelphia
County Medical Society at its last
meeting. What is still more astound-
i ing about the man, and upsets nil
the theories that have been novanceu
by medical men, is that tho man. has
,no pores in ms sKin. neretoiore h
has been maintained that a man
could not live without a porouB skin ;
but the most careful examination
under the microscope failed to re
veal a single pore in the body of the
patient. Tho man's name is Peter
Wendling. He was born in Leba
non County, Pa., forty-eight years
ago, and is now living in Bismarck,
a small village seven miles south of
Lebanon, with a wife and eight
children.- The latter partake of none
of their father's peculiarities except
that, not a child has, n perfect set. of
teeth. Mr. Wendling experiences
great inconvenience from his inabili
ty to perspire. The body being de
prived of this means of cooling be
comes intensely hot, and it is neces
sary to pour water over his clothing
to keep the man cool. In working
with heavy tools the man has to
wear gloves to get a firm hold. Mr.
Wendling is tho youngest of twenty
one children, and, with the exception
of the peculiarities mentioned he lias
good health and has never been sick.
He was brought to this city,by Prof.
S. H. Guilford, and first shown to
the students of the Philadelphia
Dental College. He has since re
turned to his home in Lebanon
County. Philadelphia Record.
There is now only one street in
Paris lighted by electricity the
Place de Carrousel at the expense
of the municipal exchequer. The
Jablochkoff light of the Avenue de
l'Opera has, after a long trial, been
extinguished. The system of elec
tric lighting is nevertheless making
some progress, although erratically.
After having been employed to ad
vertise itself, it is found useful as au
advertisement to enable one shop
keeper to outvie another.
This was a club dialogue and its
sequel: Q. "What are you smok
ing?" A. "An imported Havana."
Q. "How much docs it cost?"
A. "Aquaiter." Q. "Howmanv
Everybody goes to, Saratoga to
drink the water, but that doesn't ex
plain why bar-tenders thero are
Enid 200 dollars a mouth, and it is
ard to get them at that. Jturliny
A WHITE ELEPHANT.
P. T. Barnum has for some time
been seeking a whito elephant. To
accomplish this wo learn that one of
Mr.-2?xirnum's best agents was dis
patched" to Slain. Tho king of Siam
was approached through tho resident
United States minister, and asked
whether ho would sell or lease one
of these animals. Tho king shrugged
,his shoulders, and asked if they
know that the spirit of Budha was
in a white elephant. It was sugr
gested by tho U. S. Minister that
Buddhist priests .might accompany
the elephant to this country. The
king has deferred his deoision in the
matter and Mr. Barn u in has de
spatched ,000 to his agent, de
siring him to inform tho king that
money is no object, provided tho
elepliant can bo procured. Mel
do you smoke a day?" A. "Half
a dozen." Q. "How long have
you smoked ?' ' A. ' 'Thirty years. ' '
Advice "My friend, with that a
mount of money you could have
bought a house on Fifth-avenue."
The parties quitted the Brunswick
and strolled up town. As they came
near the Windsor, the smoker asked :
Q. "You never smoke?" A.
"Never." Sarcastic reply "Then
point' out your house." Music and
A NATURAL CURIOSITY.
Mr. H. Baulderstonc, of the, Pier
Hotel, Milang, has sent to the
Register a remarkable curiosity in
the shape of one of Several turtles'
egg8) which he states were, picked
out of' about two solid feet of lirae
stdne'rock in a cutting of a railway
line. Two of the eggs on being
opened were found to contain young
turtles, fully formed and alive.
From the position in which the eggs
were discovered, they must have
been there for over foity years, as
the place has been,known by those
living in that locality tovhave been
undisturbed for at least that period,
and it is quite possible .that the eggs'
arc much older. Mr. Baulderstonc
placed one of the young turtles im
mediately on being taken out of its
shell in a glass of water, and it is
now thrhiug. S. JP. News 'Letter.
AN AUDACIOUS THIEF.
"What," exclaimed an Austin
justice to a coloured culprit, "have
you the audacity to say you do not
recognise this pockct-Tjook?" "Yes,
sab." "But it was found inyour
possession." ''In my what-did-yer-say,
jedge?' "in your possession.
This pocket-book was found in your
pocket, sir." "Jedge, you has done
tole two stories about dat ar. Fust
ycr said hit was foun'. in myperses
sion, an' den yer 'lowed hit was
foun' 'in my pocket. Bofe dem yarns
can't be true. Ef de jedges on de
bench can't tell de troof, hit's no
wonder dat a poor miserable niggah
like me got led astray." The jus
tice drew along breath, and, once
more producing the pocket-book,
said "You denied just now that
you had ever seen this pocket-book.
I now ask you again, did you eer
sec this Vocket-book before?" "Why,
of course ! Hit am de same one you
showed me a minute ago. Yer must
be losiu' yer mind, jedge." He
manded to gaol.
Burglars may bo kept out of any
house by leaving tho valuables out at
iJigbt on the front door stops,