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gazed nroinul thu horizon, he failed
to find any glare standing up as the
signboard of a raging conllngrulioii.
He held converse with the cab
man, and that wot thy suggested
that, as it was the 1st of April
'Tarnation I' screamed the Super
intendent of the File Brig.rles.
That's it! Drive me home again.'
Then the disgusted Superintendent
went back to his bed, and swearing
himself to sleep, he slept the sleep of
the just. Melbourne Bulletin.
THE GREAT MOGUL AT WINDSOR'
The following good story comes
from a quarter where we arc' assured
"it correctness can be vouched
for." Many yeais ago, at the time
of a gieat eeremonv, Windsor Cas
tle was honored with the presence
of three sovereigns. After breakfast
the three potentates walked and
talked on the celebrated "Slopes,"
and were, of course, in "mufti."
They were delighted with the
grounds, and presently entered into
conversation with a gardener, who
evidently took them for a party of
"gentlemen's gentlemen" out for a
stroll. After some little affable talk,
he could not resist the query, "Now,
who may you gents be?" "Well,"
said the spokesman, "this gentleman
here happens to be the King of
Prussia ; that one standing by your
hide is the Emperor of Austria;' and
ns for myself, I am the Emperor of
Russia." This was carrying the
joke too far, thought the gardener.
"I've seen a lot of queer furrin
gents here lately, but this bents
me;" so he burst out in a rather
rude guffaw. 'iWcll, my friend,"
said the Emperor Nicholas, "you
seem amused ; perhaps you will tell
- us who you are." "Oh, certainly;"
so taking up the skirt of his coat
-with the action of a great eagle
spreading out his wings, and spin
' ning round on his heels, he said, "If
you are all what you say you are
why I am the Great Mogul!" The
three Majesties roared with laughter,
and, returning to the Castle, told the
story at the luncheon table to the
immense" amusement of the Queen
and Prince Albert. London So-
CHAS. KINGSLEY ON BETTING.
The following letter written by
Charles Kingsloy to his son, a
public school boy, who wrote to say
that ho had put into a lottery with
out thinking it any harm, was
written rainy years before: "My
deakest Hoy, There is a matter
which gave me much uneasiness
when you mentioned it. You said
3'ou had, put into some lottery for
the Dei by, and hedged to make safe.
Now, all this is bad, bad, nothing
but bad. Of all habits gambling is
the one I hate most, and have avoi
ded most. Of all habits it grows
most on eager minds. Success and
loss alike make it grow. Of all
habits, however much civilised men
may give way to it, is ono of the
most intiinsically savage. Histori
cally it has been the peace excitement
of the lowest brutes in human form
for agej past. Mb.-niiy it is un
oluvnlrous and unclnistian.
"1. Ilgnius money by the lowest
and most unjust means,' for it takes
money out of your neighbour's
pocket without giiug him anything
in return. 2. It tempts you to use
what you fancy your superior know
ledge of a. horse's mciits or any
thing else to your neighbour's
harm. If you know better than
your neighbour you .arc bound to
give him your advice. Instead,
you conceal your knowledge to win
from his ignorance ; hence come all
sorts of concealments, dodges,
deceits I b.vy the devil is the only
father of it. I'm sure, moi cover,
that the head-master would nhiimt.
seriously to anything like a lottery
betting or gambling. 1 hope you
have not won. I should not bo
sorry for you to lose If you have
won I shall not congratulate you.
If you wish to please me, you will
give back to its lawful owners the
money you have won. If you are
u loser in gross tne.-cby, I will gladly
reimbuise your losses this time. As
you had put in you could not in
honor draw back till after the event.
Now, you cau give back your money,
saying you understand that tile
lic.ul-mus.ter nnd your father dis
approve of such thing, and so gain
u very great moral influence. Re
collect always that the stock3
argument is worthless. It is this :
'My friend would win. from me if
he could, therefore I have an equal
right L) win from hira. Nonsense. The
same argument would prove that I
have a right to maim or kill u man
if only I give him leave to maim or
kill me if he can and will. I have
spoken my miud once and for all
on a matter on which I have held
the same views for more than twenty
years, nnd trust in God you will not
forget my words in after life. I
have seen many a good fellow
ruined by fiucling himself one day
short of money, and trying to get a
little by play or betting and then
the Lord have mercy on his simple
soul, for simple it will not remain
long. Mind, I am not the least
angry with you. Betting is the way
of the world. So are all the seven
deadly sins under certain rules and
petty nanies, but to the devil they
lead if indulged in," in spite of the
wise woild and its wny. Your lov
ing lather, C Kingsley."
An exchange announces in a tone
of surprise: "The Czar and Czarina
have been dancing at a ball. ' There
doesn't seem to be anything out of
the way in such conduct. That is
what balls at e for. Now, if they had
danced at a prayer-meeting comment
would have been in older. JVomVf
A freeze show-Ice cream.-Harieuj
tnnv pivi f.n w'liln . i
NINETY-NINE IN THE SHADE.
Oh fir nlolgc bin garden of cucumbers;
Oh tor an Iceberg ortwont coutiol;
O.i f r a v.Uo w hlcli ut midday the dew
Oh for n pleasure trip up to the I'olc!
Oh for u lutlo one-ban cl thermometer,
V ith nothing but zeros all rnnccd in
Oh fo a doublo, two.barrel hydrometer
To measure the moisture that rolls
from my brow!
Oh tint thU col 1 wo 1 1 were twenty
O Mr" aJ "r0t, !!'? r?TNffd other'' read
Oh what it comfort an ague would be!
Oh for a grotto to typify he iveu,
Scooped In the rojk under cataract
Oh for a winter of discontent even;
Oil for wet blankets judiciously east!
Oh for .1 sola fount spouting up boldly
"" winy uui jump post nguinsi tue
Oh for the proud maiden to look on mo
Freezing my soul with a glance of
Then oh for a diaught from a cup of
And oh for a resting-place hi the cold
AYith a bath.in the Styx, where the thick
slindnw lie i on
And deepens the chill of a dark run.
A PITTSFIELD EDITOR'S POETICAL
The editor of the Pittsfield Sun
believes in makiug his paper attract
ive. He prefixes the announcements
of births with the following from
"Meintimc a smiling offspring
And mingles both their graces."
Burns is thus levied upon for a
heading to the marriage record :
"Husband, husband, cease your strife,
No loueer idly rave, fir;
Though I am yoar welded wife,
Yet I am not your slave, sir."
And above the list of deaths is Sir
Walter Raleigh's contribution :
"On death and judgment, heaven
and hell '
Who oit doth think, must needs
This is an editorial procedure
which is calculated to rob birth of its
uncertainty, marriage of its nonsense
and death of its terror.
away some lonur eVnniiur.i!
Can you place a newspaper on the
lloor in such ti way that two persons
can easily stand upon it and mil In
utile to touch one another with their
Yes. By putting the papi-r in the
doorway, -one-half insilu nnd the
other half outside of the room, mid
olosinsr the door over St. tun nuivm
eiui easuy stand upon it and still be
throne to be used at the
coronatioii has alreadv been
ordered. It will be made of black
oak, richly carved in antique Sla
vonic patterns, and will cost over
2,000. The canopy will lie sup
ported by columns 10ft. high, and
will be ornamented by the Imperial
eagle and a scroll-work bearing the
06 coats of arms of the Government
of Russia. Crimson velvet hangings,
embossed in gold, will shelter the
Impel ial chairs, which will'btund on
In 18 1G Lord Schworterbtiry gave
10,500 francs for a tooth of Isaac
Newton, which is now set in a ring
and worn by the eldest branch of
Can you put one of your hantN
where the other cannot, touch it?
Easily by putting one hand on
the elbow of the other aim.
' Can you place a pencil on the
floor in such a way thnt'no one can
jump over it?
Yes, if I place it close enough to
the wall of the room.
Can you push a chair through a
Yes; by putting a ring on the
finger aud pushing the chair with the
You can put yourself through a
key- hole by takiug a piece of paper
with the word "yourself" wiitten
upon it and pushing it through the
You can ask a question that no
one can answer with a no," by
saying what doe y-e-a spell ?
You can go out of the loom with
two lcjrs and return with "ftiv. lv
bringing along a chair with you. .
A famous North-country clergy
man, whilst preaching a few Sundays
since from the text, "He giveth liis
bclocd sleep," stopped in the mid
dle of the discourse, gazed upon his
slumbering congregation, and said,
"Brethren, it is hard to realize the
unbounded love which the Lord ap
pears to have for a large portion of
"Henceforth we meet as stran
gers!" exclaimed Brown, in a fit of
anger. "Thank you, Brown, my
dear fellow!" gushed Fogg effusive
ly; "you always did treat strangers
better thanyour friends and acquaint
ances, and you make me exceedingly
happy that I am henceforth to share
in your distinguished consideration.
A Cincinnati man who suddenly
got rich in uhog speculation has read
somewhere that cveiy family, the
richest mid the proudest, has a skele
ton in its closet, and now he's skir
mishing around to buy a skeleton,
as his wife and daughters watit to be
in style. lioston Post.
Ait piofessor "You linvc seen1
the cathedral at Florence with your
own eyes. I have not been so fortu
nate. What struck you as most
noteworthy in it?" Pupil "A very
pretty English gill.""
Stage "sticks" burn for the fire of
public upplause.-Ncw York Ad-vertlser.