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7 ' H
EVENING BULLETIN, JULY 2, 1896.
I m iiwiwiu wwtwrf '''l )'
ONE OF SYDNEY SMITH'S JOKES.
The Son Wat a Sport, but the Father
Took II Im Down.
Tho famous Sydnoy Smith had a son
vrho was interested in horses, dogs and
sport Ho was a talkativo young. man
and an agrocnblo companion for thoso
who had. tastes similar to his own, .but
ho was out of placdatliis father's tablo
when distinguished prolates and digni
taries of tho church wero present When
tho father wns entertaining guests of
this class, ho soldoni allowed tho young
man to bo present
Ono night tliero was to bo a dinner,
to which tho bishop of London and oth
er clergymen of high rnnk had been
invited. Tho son begged to havo the
privilego of n placo at tho tablo, re
marking that ho soldom wns favored
Witli tljo chnnco of making tho acquaint
nnco of tho grt clergy.
His father in reply said that tho com
pany would not bo interested in s.torios
nbout horses, dogs, racing and such
matters, and that ho feared his son
would bo unablo to adapt Ills conversa
tion to their taiitcs. Tho young mnn
promised not to talk, but to listen, and
was given perm lesion to bo presont nt
Ho was as good, as his word until tho
company wero' nearly through dinner,
when thcro was an awkward pauso in
which no ono scorned ready to start n
fresh subject In this crisis tho son
nbruptly tumed to tho bishop and aston
ished tho company by asking!
"Is your lordship ablo to toll mo what
Was tho condition of Nebuchadnezzar
whon ho camo off tho gross?"
1 Sydney Smith, sitting at tho head of
tho tablo, was horrified by this familiar
application of sporting phrases to an in
cident of religious history, and quickly
changed tho subject, after remarking
Grimly to tho bishop:
"I havo always told my friends that
my son possessed what might proporly
bo called a stublo miud. "
Tho company laughed ovor tho pun,
and tho young man, after turning red
in tho face, relapsed into silenco, and
mado no further attempt to adapt his
Bpccial knowlcdgo of horses nnd racing
stock to tho entertainment of clerical
society. Tho sccno between father and
son on tho following morning is not re
corded, but tho father evidently enjoyed
tho joke, and frequently told tho inci
dent to his intimuto friends. Youth's
"Ladies and gentlemen," said tho
gifted tragedian Mr. Pshucks, coming
forward to tho footlights and Bpenkiug
in a voice that roso high abovo tho din,
"if thero is nny inoro hissing, howling
or cat calling, or anything inoro thrown
on tho stago from tho gallorios during
tho further progress of tho performance
this evening, as suro as I stand hero I
shall relato half a dozen or moro of Dr.
Ohauncey M. Dcpow's freshest and best
, A. shudder passed through tho audi
euco, and in tho midst of n profound,
unearthly silenco tho gifted tragedian
proceeded with his lines. Chicago
The Dealer Privilege.
"But, your honor," shrieked tho
young lawyer, "you cannot flno my
client $5,00. Tho law says that $25 is
tho cxtrenio limit"
"young man, " answored tho Okla
homa justico of tho peace, "it might jest
as well bo understood that I am doin tho
dcaliu in this yer game, and I allow I
kin raiso tho limit cf I so bco fit "Cin
PerlU of Shopping.
Mrs. Dearborn I And it doesn't pay
to hurry when you nro shopping.
Mrs. Monroe Did you nioko a rnis
tako? Mrs. Dearborn I married n man yes
terday, and today I hud to go to tho
clork of tho divorce court and got im or
der to chango him. Now York World.
AsUIdk a Favor.
Good Looking Young Girl Will you
do something for me, Mr. B. ?
Mr. B. With pleasure, my dear Miss
A. What is it?
"Well, I wish yon would propose to
mo, so that I may crow over my cousin.
I promiso I won't accept you. " Satur
ir Women Were Absent.
"Ah, mo!" inspired tho poet as ho
fluishod a sonnet to his mistress' ey'o
brow. "What would bo tho condition of
n country without women!"
"Stag nation," softly responded the
humorist Boston Courier.
A Uttlo Mliunderstaudlnc. '
Tho Foreigner Did I understand you
to say that your friend was Lord Baron
Tho American No. I said ho was a
lard boron. Indianapolis Journal.
"Do man dat doan, nobber kick 'tall, '
Bald Undo Eben, "on do man dat keeps
kickin nil do tlmo am two peoplo da
ginerally gits do worst ob it in ilia vero
lifo." Washington Star.
A now and bouutiful lot o pic
ture frames just received nt King
A. J. Derby, D.D.S., Dontnl
oflico Cottigo No. 100, Alnkoa
street, telephone) No. 015. Oflioe
hours 9 a m. to 4 r.M.
Mechanics' Homo, corner Hotel
and Nuuunu streets, lodging by
day, wok or month. Terms: 25
aud 50 contH pur night $1, and
31.25 por wtjek.
To ittanfftrlnc wllh Throat, T.nn or Wtttlnir DImmci
BtonHcbCtUrrli.BcrofoU, AHlhrna, or Nron Debit
i.W!f,i.3!",.,) ,Tn MrnJ'l oottln of DIU OOK
'"n" WOCOLATB KMUMTON for trial. Call
Mora of If ouiiTtaf Vtvg Co , Honolulu, II. X, "It M
Genoral Manager of
The Equitable Lifo Assurance Society
O! tho United States for tho Hawaiian
Onwi Merchant stroet, ITonolnlu.
ATLAS -'.-ASSURANCE-:- COMPANY
Assets, - - - $10,000,000.
H. W. Schmidt & sons,
Agonts for the Hawaiian Inlands.
Dr. W. L. Moore
Special attention given to diseases of the
Oflico hours lljm-
I a to 4 pm,
Wftlonnenuo Ave. near Court House. G3-tf
:- Dr. Russel, -:
Oflico, Masonic Building.
Hours: : 0-11 am, 8-5 pm. -:- Telephone 484.
Hcoldcncc, Telephone 070.
Geo. H. Huddy
Fort Street, orr. Catholic Mission.
Hours from 0 a.m. to 4 r.u.
Dr. C. B. Higri,
into Philadelphia Dental C(
Graduate 1'hiladolphia Dental Collece.
A. O. WALL, D. D. S.,
Hotel Street, Arlington Cottage.
DR. JENNIE L HILDEBRAND,
Office: Cornor of. Fort and Berotarala
Offico Hours: 9 to 11 a. m., 1 to 4 p.m.
Sundays, 0 to 10 a. m.
I. MORI, M. D.,
Office, Fort Street, near Borotania.
Residonco, Arlington Hotol.
Hours: 7 to 8:30 urn; 4 to 8:30 p m; Sat
urday nnd Sunday, 1 to C p m. Tel. C30.
GEORGE A. DAVIS
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Honolulu, If. I.
1ST Oflico : 114 Merchant street.
GILBERT V. LITTLE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
A. V. GEAR.
Telephone 250, : :
No. 009, King St.
TYPEWRITING AND COPYING.
MINS Iff. P. LEDEHEK.
Office: Bruce Waring & Co., Fort
A RECORD OF BARBARISM
"DARKER THAN DARKEST
AFRICA. . . .
(By Hov. Edwin M. Bliss.)
jfP Prospectus and subscription lists
The ilawaiian News Co.,L'd
rvlerolrmnt Street, Honolulu.
In ono vol. cloth, $ 2 00
In one vol. cloth Kilt 2 50
Iu one vol. Unit-Russian gilt, 3 CO
" '-u. ' '! JijfjBitri A iiMiMBfltfifttSllw. ximNWlmm!nfffi3NMA itarWJI'"imiwn WinttBalillf Xt AtLf'L':' lUMjJKwwiitiiiM naiftMfflfmriiirfioiif i J 'mtlMtfi ttoiBwii$l3L'JiHbmi'i - zili1wWkr3 mtilUm:
Castle fe Cooke
G. irwin & Co.
Wm. O. Irwin, - Preflidont nnd Mnnnger
Glims Sprockets, - - - Vice-President
W. M. Gilford, - Secretory and Treasurer
Thoo. O. Porter, ... Auditor
AGRNT3 OP TAB
OOEANIO STEAMSHIP COMPANY
OF 8AN FKANOI8CO. OAL.
Terms Reasonable T
Beretania, near Fort Street.
H. J. NOLTE, Proprietor.
The Best Lunch in Town
Tea and Coffee
at ami nouns.
THE FINEST BRANDS OF
Cigars and Tobacco
A1WAT8 ON HAND.
Eagle -:- House
CilRL KLEMME, Proprietor,
Airy, Commodious and Nowly
Furnished .Booms to Rent
AT GREATLY REDUCED RATES
At this hoautiful place. All modern conven
iences. HF" Fivo minutes from tho Post Office.
Cars pass tho door.
P. O, Box 401.
A FAMILY IIOTEL.
O?. Kroiiso, - - - Frop.
Por Week 12.00
Opaclal Mommy Hsctoal
Tho Best of Attendance, tho Beat Situa
tion and the Finest Menls in this Oity
DB .A. DEC BR ."2" I
Hotel streot, near Fort im,.
BREAD, PIES And CACHES
ui oil muds.
fWThe Finest Imported andllome
The Elite Ice Cream Parlors
219 Headquarters for Island Curios.
0. BREWER & COMPANY, LIMITED,
Qneen street, Honolulu, H.I.
Hawaiian Agricultural Company, Onomra Sugar
Company, Honomu Sugar Company, Wailuku
SuRar Company, Wa lice Sucar Company, Makce
Sugar Company, Hnlcakala Uandi Company, Ka.
papala Ranch. -- Planters' Line San 1'ranclsco
I ackcts, Chaj. Urcwcr & Co.'a I.lnc of Itoston
I'acktts...ABcnt lloston Hoard of Underwriters.
Agents riilladelphla Hoard of Underwriters.
LIST OV OKFICEMt
P O Jones, President; GcorRO II Roljcrtson,
Manager; E F llishop, Treasurer and Soo.
rotary; Col. V F Allon, Auditor; 0 MCooke,
II Waterhouso, A W Carter, Directors,
TWO GREAT WORKS
Coliimiii ill?.! linalNovels
TKS VOnitUll ACUC1TEU AS TIIK
By the IcuJIdr Colleges and most noted States
men oud Writers
Of the World.
Tho lnttor ns tbo
History of America
- READ A FEW OPINIONS: -V
l'rnf, Hlmlor of llnrvnnl mii
"It will rcmaiu an outluriug monument
to tho labor of its editors."
l'rof. Snjcoof Oxfnril UiiltnraKy anyn t
"It will desorvo all of the encomia passed
l'rof. Wheeler of Ynlo nnys
"Cloar, conclso, accurato, comprehon
sire." The Historical Novels.
By Profoaaor John R. Muslolc
Win. MoKlnley, Oovernor nfOhln, anyn
"Ono of th most beautiful productions
of tho American press I havo oxer seen,"
Tho 111 un Ilouilllill, !.!. , lit,.!)., IlUh.
op nrilio IU. K. :imrcli, lUlnftourl. unynt
"I have rbad 'The Columbian Historical
Novels' with cront pleasure. Any ono, I
hluk, can read thesa books with plcasuro
II. I,. AVIiitmnii, D.I)., T.L.O., lrCN.
dent r Colby tlnlvernltr Mulue. Harm
" 'The Columbian Historical Novols'
have a welcome place in my homo. Thoy
have quickened interost iu tho study of our
national lifo. I know of no more valuablo
helps to bo placed in tho home."
EJv Address P. O. Box 307, Honolulu,
or call at tho I. X. I,. Storo, cornor King
and Nuuanu streets.
BRAUNStHWEIGER - & - CO.
Importers andLIquor Merchapits.
No. 5, Druram Stroet, - San Francisco.
FOR SALE IN BULK.
American Boimno.v WmsKiFi in Bond per
barrel containing about 40 gallons each
at various prices according to age and
California Grape Brandv in Bond pet
barrel of about 40 to CO gallons.
Also the celebrated Caie mikies:
"Extra Pony" Bourbon Whisky, 12 bottlos
3 gallons por case. "
"Bearprass" Uourbon Whisky, 12 bottlos, 2
2-5 gallons per case.
"Old I'loncor" Bourbon Whisky, 12 bottles.
2 2-5 gallons per enso.
"TonnoHseo White llyo" Whisky, 12 bottles''
2 2-5 gallons per caso.
CALIFORNIA. ToTlT WINES, BnERKIEB,
Sendordors by jsail. Satisfaction gua.
Braunschweiger & Co.,
HMin No. 0, Drumm street.
A general Btook of Liquors, Ales and
FRKS1I HEEIt ALWAYS OX DRAUGHT.
OUR PORT AND SHERRY,
Are of tho finest and como to us
direct from Europe
OUR MCBRAYER WHISKEY
Imported straight from Louis,
JAMES OLDS, Prop.
Cor. Kuunuu aud BerctauU SU.
T. KKVUN, Ifluimcer.
COOL FRESH BEER!
On Draught and ttio Standard Brands of
FINE WHI8KIEQ, BRANDIES, WINES AND
TAIII.r CI.AHET A Sl'ECIAXTV.
KINO AND NCUANO 8TKF.KW.
The celebrated Enteupiusk
Beeh on Draught and in
Is tho disinfectant that tho world
Is talking about. In tho United
States its merits aro becoming
known. The 1 people, aro using; It.
Purlflno possesses many points in
Us favor ovor other preparations.
It is odorless, and in employing it
as a disinfecting ngent, does npt
creato another odor as offensive as
that- which it subdues. Non
polsorioU8 too. That's an advan
tagechildren will meddle; ser
vants misunderstand; then there's
trouble Some ono Is poisoned.
Thoso who uso it speak its praiso
in convincing language Hero's oao
from the Department of Medlclno
in the Unlvors.lv of Mini.
in the University of Michigan.
"Wo uso Purlflne and find it very
good for deodorizing sinks and
boxes, etc., nnd for washing sponges
used about subjects for dissec
tion. V. A. CAMI'DCLL,
Demonstrator of Anatomy."
upon you and explain tho merits of "Purifiue" and tho' "Au
523 Fort Street.
Tm a Dandy lut Tm no Dude.
Telephone 240. Ill Port
J. S. WALKER,
ROYAL INSURANCE COMPANY, LIVERPOOL,
ALLIANCE ASSURANCE COMPANY OF LONDON,
ALLANOE MARINE & GEN. ASSURANCE CO. OP LONDON
SCOTriSEI U.MON and NATIONAL INSURANCE CO.,
WILHBLMA OP MAGDEBURG GENERAL INSURANCE C01
SUN LIFE INS. CO. OP CANADA,
LIPE, FIRE and MARINE RISKS,
TAKEN at REASONABLE RATES.
Booms 12 SPREOKELS BLOCK Honolulu, H. I,
r-: AT THE:-,
Gitv Furniture Store,
(Corner of Fort and
Just roooived Ex. Bk. Alhort
REED FUJRNITTJjtlE. X- f "&
TKLKI'HONK 08 1-. O. HOX 145
H. E. McINTYRE & BRO.,
IUrOKTERS AND JJCALEIIB IN
Groceries, Provisions and Feed.
New Ooods Received by Every racket from tho Eastern States and Europe
FRESH CALIFORNIA PRODUCE BY EVERY STEAMER;
All Ordoru faithfully attended to and Goods Delivered to any
Part of the Oity FKEE,
Island OnDKtts BoLioiTicn, Satistactiow GuAiuimuffl
EAST OOKNER JTOBT AND KING STKEETH.
Telephone 58. fl B" P. O. Box 222,
Oalui Lumber Building Co.,
King Street, near Oahn Kailwny & Land Co.'a Depot.
Lumber Merchants, Contractors and, Builders.
iMroiiTEna and dealehs in
Doors, Sasli, 331inds, Faints, Oil,
Builders' Hardware, Etc., Etc.
PUEIFINE is for salo by
j.i tt t n
tho HoLLISTEIt DllUQ Co. in
25c., bOc, 75c. and $L.50 bot
tles. Tho "AUTOMATIC
D1ST1UBUTOBS" aro for
rental. Our Agents will call
Exclusive Ajronts for the Islands.
LEWIS & CO.
Are having a big rush
Hams & Bacon.
E" Catch on or you will
get loft. - - ' - -
Street. P. O. Box 147.
H.H. WILLIAMS, (Manager)
Undertaker nnd Embalmor
I JiiriAaiL i. A-iuAftiwiffiiru.'