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CUE ARIZONA KICKER
A CONTEMPORARY ATTENDS MRS.
BEECHEM'S "AT HOME."
The Editor of The Kicker Exposes an Im
postorA Warning to Old Jim Ilewnon
nnd Ills Crowd The Death of a Sinn
With a Short Neck.
Wednesday evening last Mrs. Gcnor
kl Booolicm gavo nn "nt homo" in or
tier to show off n $40 dross sho ha" Into
ly received from Chicago, nnd ns eho
had her invitations printed nt tlio ofllco
of our estcomed contemporary sho felt
nnder obligations to inoludo lilm in tho
list How tho old critter over worked
up nervo cuougli to attend is a mystery
to as, as tlio only Bociety ho is used to
is that of Sing Lung, his Chinese, laun
dryman, nnd his old bobtailcd clog. In
paying his respects to tho hostess ho fell
over a $5 gilt chair and broko it to
pieces, nnd in swallowing n glass of
punch ho got somo of tho liquid down
tho wrong way nnd almost coughed ills
blamed old head off. Later in tho even
ing ho wiped his chin on n window cur
tain ami broko tho glasses with his el
bow. As a grand culmination iio called
Major Shorter n liar nnd was flung out
doors in tho limd. .Mrs. Bccchcm's em
barrassment nnd vexation could not bo
concealed, but sho has only herself to
JUlamo. A blooming old cadaver, who
"InoTcr oven attended a dog fight or a
spelling school, can't bo expected to
minglo in high toned society and niako
much of a success of It.
Not With the Kicker.
At a lato hour Tuesday evening wo
wcro called up by tolcphouo from Bak
er's Bond to giro information regard
ing n stranger who was about to bo
hung by tho vigilanco committee Ho
was described us a ono eyed man with
n stiff kneo and nn old navy revolver
nnd had been caught in tlio act of steal
ing a cnyuso tied to n post in tho vil
lage. Tho man claimed to bo our agri
cultural editor, out on a hunt for now
species of grassos, nnd ho nppearcd 60
earnest nnd truthful that tho committee
telephoned to find out about it. As wo
knew our agricultural editor to bo in
tho Bald Eaglo poker rooms at that very
moment, hunting fox aces instead of
grassos, wo woro obliged to answer that
tho strangor was an impostor. Ho was
allowed to step to tho tolephono nnd
call us a liar, but wo received his com
pliments moro in sorrow than in anger.
Ten minutes after his words reached us
ho was hanging up and down and tnk
ing no further interest in horses nnd
agriculture. Our thanks nro duo tho
committee, and wo trust that it may bo
thoir luck to put us under further obli
gations. A Grand Snccem,
Tho Booth Dramatic association left
Ijero Friday noon for tho railroad nnd
California loaded down with money.
Tho two night pcrformanco was tho
grandest success of tho season, and wo
rathor prido oursolves thut wo wcro tho
causo of it When tho manager arrived
hero, wo sat down with him and told
him what would tako and what would
not with tho peoplo of this town. Ho
was scusiblo enough to soo tho point nnd
to cater to tho idioms of theater goers,
nnd everything passed off ns smooth us
a bn'sted bar'l of luolusses. Instead of
running tho tragedy tho company gavo
us a rnixturo of "Hamlet," "Undo
Tom's Cabin, " ' 'Lady Audloy 's Secret, ' '
"Buffalo Bill," "Tho Merchant of Ven
ice," "Tho Robber's Roost" and "Bluo
and Gray." Thoro woro heroism, lovo,
villainy, olog danoing, Bongs, Indian
fights, nbductioua nnd lots of other
things nicely mixed together, nnd thoso
who had como with two guns prepared
to shoot woro so captivated nnd carried
away thnt they fired allvor dollars In
utead of bullets among tho actors. Wo
do not plumo oureolvos on being a thoat
rlcal critio, but wo do know what will
mako n go of it in this town, nnd wo
stand ready to oxtoud our fathorly ad
vico to othor managers.
Mr. John Hopkins, tho woll known
nnd highly esteemed banker nt Pino
Hill, armed in town Wednesday morn
ing on a visit to his aged mother. Ho
had scarcoly clasped her to his manly
breast and takeu n drink at tho Whito
Dog saloon when 10 citizens of tho Hill
1 nppearcd nnd demanded an interview
with him. It soemshohad left Pino
Hill without saying anything to nny
body nnd had only placed $000 on tho
counter for his cashier to do business
with for tho day. As soon us this was
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ascertained tho pcoplo becamo excited
and held n mass meeting, nnd tho re
sult was that 10 dclcgntes wcro sent out
to ovorhnnl Mr. Hopkins. Ho could
have explnlnod matters to their satis
faction, no doubt, but they wcro so
earnest about it thnt ho decided to ro
turn with them nnd mako n public
speech. Noxt day wo got word that ev
erything was lovely. Whllo Mr. Hop
kins had no idoa of leaving tho country
nnd only had $10 in cash with him, tho
publio cannot bo blamed for being n bit
ovcrzcalous. Nothing but a squaro deal
It Mnst Stop.
This town is lighted nt night by six
kerosono lnmps, nnd old Jim Howsou
and his crowd get together regularly at
8 o'clock ovcry evening and shoot tho
six lamps into tho middlo of tho next
day. This has been going on for about
four weeks, much to tho nnnoyanco of
citizens and tho financial damago of tho
town treasury. His honor tho mayor
(who is oursolf) gives publio notico
that from nnd after this evening ho and
tho city marshal will bo abroad after
lamplight, and any found popping nt
tho public lamps mny look out for a pop
Friday morning a halfbreod named
Joo Chin was found dead in tho road a
milo west of town, ond n coroner's in
vestigation rovealod tho fact thut ho had
drank tho contents of n two quart jug
containing horso medicine Joo Chin is
tho critter who stolo nnd ato fivo pounds
of roller composition belonging to Tho
Kicker ofllco. It gavo him cramps for
tlireo or four days, but ho oventuatly
becamo frisky again. Ono of tho ingre
dients of tho medicino was antimony,
but it took tho full two quarts to mako
Joo lie down.
Ho was tho biggest thief and liar for
100 miles around, nnd no ono will ro
gret his tnking off. Why tho vigilanco
committco didn't hang him long ago is
a matter to bo wondered over, though
it may bo that tho shortness of his nock
had pomcthing to do with it. It could
not havo been broken by anything less
than n fall of 50 feet. It is no uso hop
ing Jim is with tho angels. Ho's gono
whoro it would burn tho feathers of an
gola ' wings like dry gross.
AND HIS CROWD.
Tenacity of Face.
"Adiou," ho whispered nnd departed.
But her faco was still with him.
Hor faco was still witli him, although
he literally conked tho shoulder of his
coat in benzino and nmmouia tho min
uto ho got home. Detroit Tribune.
There Are Drawbacks,
Sho throw nsido tho papor nnd looked
at him as if sho woro about to givo him
a wholo problom novel at ono volley.
"Wouldn't you like to bo n king or a
priuco or somothing in tho lino of roy
alty?" sho nsked.
"Woll. I don't know," ho replied
doubtfully. "Royalty has a good many
"Yes, I supposo it has, " sho admit
ted, "but it must havo a great many
pleasures too. Think of tho wealth and
position and power for good."
"I do," ho answored, "but there's
moro to bo considered than that. I'd
want to know who was going to bo poot
laurcato boforo I'd even consider a
proposition to sit on a throne" Chica
"I was very glad, Mubcl, to boo you
among thoso who wero received into tho
church last Sunday."
"Yes, auutio, but I was bo provoked
with tho clergyman. Ho gavo me tho
old stylo, unfashionable handshake And
ho gets a salary of f 0,000 a year."
You're Noticed It.
"Thcro is ono queer thing about all
theso inou who got nominated for high
"What ts it?"
"Thoy nro always bo happily mar
ried. "Chicago Record.
"When tho sleeping car wont ovor
tho embankment, woro you hurt?"
"Oh, no. Tlio porter bold mo up. "
Detroit Freo Press.
A. J. Dorby. D.D.S., Uontol
iftlco Cottrtgo No. 100, Alulton
troet. tilnphono s o. (515. Oflice
hours 9 a m. to 4 p.m.
Castle & Cooke
G. Irwin & Co.
Wm. G. Irwin, - President nnd Manager
Glaus Spreckols, - - - Vice-President
W. M. Giffard, - Seoretnry and Treasurer
Theo. C. Porter, ... Auditor
AOKNTS OF TIIB
OCEANIC STEAMSHIP COMPANY
OF SAN FRANCISCO. OAL.
0. BREWER & COMPANY, LIMITED,
Queen street, Honolulu, II.I.
Hawaiian Agricultural Company, Onomrn Sucnr
Company, llonomu Sucar Company, Wallufcu
,... ..mmi iirtiiicia Line oiin rrancnco
. ve, w.M.0. uicnu Clt .tt B 1II1C Ol JlOMOIl
riLMlSj-.iKenH Iloston Board of Underwriters.
Agents riilladclplila Board of Underwriters.
LIST OF OFriCKHS!
P 0 Jones, President; George II Robertson,
Managorj E F Bishop, Treasurer and Sec
retary; Col. W FAlleu, Auditor; OM Cooke,
II WaterhoUHO, A V Cnrtor. Director.
Fort St. Opp. Pantheon Stables.
l'ACiirco & Fehnani)i:z - . Pnops.
A Dolicnto Touch I
Keen Razors !
Artistic Hair Cutting !
Comfortable Chnirs I
Wo employ nono but tho most ex
perienced Tousorinl Artists. Tho most
Luxuriously appointed Shop in the Isl
ands. Beaver Saloon,
H. J. NOLTE, Proprietor.
The Best Lunch in Town
Tea and Coffee
at all nouns.
THE FINEST BRANDS OF
Cigars and Tobacco
ALWAYS ON IIAND.
Eagle -:- House
CARL KLEMMB. Proprietor.
New management. Commodious rooms.
Table board tho llnost, including muuy
1'alatablo German DIbIius.
Board mi Room, per week $6.50 to $7.50
Table Board, per week $5.00
A FAMILY HOTEL.
Por Day 8 2.00
Per Week 12.00
Spcil Moxitlilsr XIataol
Tho Best of Attendance, tho Best Situa
tion nnd tho Finest Meals in this Oity
-B -A- :ez is zes it i
Hotel street, near Fort.
BREAD, PIES and CAKES
Of all kinds,
fi?" The Finest Imported and Home
The Elite Ice Cream Parlors
From 6 A. m. to II r. m. nu enn cot a Cup
of Heal Koim Coiree at tuo "Elite" Ito Cream
SEPTEMBER 20, 1890.
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BRAUNSCHWEIGER - & - CO.
IMPORTEF13 ANOLlQUOn MEPCHANT8.
No. 6, Drumm Street, - - San Francisco.
FOIt SALE IN nULK.
Amemcan BounnoN Whiskies in Bond por
uarroi cuniHiniug about 4U gallons eaeb
at various prices according to ago and
OALtrotiMA ORArE BiuNnv in Bond pox
uuitui oi nuoui w to DV gnilouB.
Attn the rtlehrnltil Cm H1,,I:. .
"Extra Pony" Bourbon Whisky, 12 bottlc3
3 gallotiB por case.
"Bearf-rass" Hourbon Whisky, 12 bottles, 2
2i eiillniiH nor pnsn
"Old I ioneor" Bourbon Whisky, 12 bottles,
.! uuuuua pur cuHe,
"Tenuessee Whito Ityo" Whisky, 12 bottles
2 2 C gallons por caso.
GALIKOltNU TOUT WINES, BHEimiEB,
Bend orders bv ranll. RtHofnoH
Braunschweiger & Co.,
141-lm No. C, Drumm street.
A genoral stook of Liquors, Alos and
FRESH BEER ALWAYS OX DRAUGHT.
OUR PORT AND SHERRY,
Are of tho finest and come to ut
direct from Europe
OUR MCBRAYER WHISKEY
Imported straight from Louis
JAMES OLDS, Prop.
Cor. .Numinii and Iterolnnln SU.
T. KEVEN, ITInnnscr.
COOL FRESH BEER !
Ou Draught and tho Standard Brands ot
FINE WHISKIC8, 3RANDIE8. WINE8 AND
TIIt,E CllUrr A SlKOIAIiTY.
KINO AND NUPANO STIIEETS.
The celebrated Enterprise
Beer on Draught and in
43 Meroliont Street.
Lands For Sale situated
at Kaneolie, Oalui.
Lot near Lunalilo Home
Lots at Pearl City.
Furnished, Rooms To Let.
42 Uorchant street.
R. C. A. PETERSON,
Custom Ilausa Broker,
3STotarv -- 3?ublic,
General Business Agent.
Collections carefully attended to.
312 FORT STREET.
W. H. RICKARD,
General Business Agent
Will attend to ConvGynncing in
all its Brnnohefl, Collecting
and all Business Matters
All BusinosB entrusted to him
will recoivo Prompt and Caroful
Hcnokaa, Hamakua, Hawaii.
A New AlDStraofc Office.
Ab a result o 15 year's oxpori
onco in the Abstract Business, I
am prepared to mako Abstracts of
Title in a most thorough, accurate
and complete manner, and on
F. "NV. Makinney.
In W. O. Smith's Offico, 818
Fort Street. 215-tf
JSP85 1 1
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As the Hunting Season is now open, it behooves every
Sportsman to see that his Dogs are in proper condition. Wo
carry a full stock of all best Remedies for Diseases of Dogs,
Sergeant's Sure Shot
ad Humphrey's Remedies
LEWIS $ CO.'S
Telephone 240. Ill Fort
J. S. WALKER,
ROYAL INSURANCE COMPANY, LIVERPOOL,
ALLIANCE ASSURANCE COMPANY OF LONDON,
ALLANOE MARINE & GEN. ASSURANCE CO. OF LONDOH
SCOTTISH UNION and NATIONAL INSURANCE CO.,
WILHELMA OF MAGDEBURG GENERAL INSURANCE CO
SUN LIFE INS. CO. OF CANADA,
LIFE, FIRE and MARINE RISKS,
TAKEN at REASONABLE RATES.
Rooms 12 8PRE0KELS BLOCK Honolulu, H. i,
r". AT THE:-,
Gitv Furniture Store,
(uornor 01 fori
Just roooived Ex. Bk. Albert
H.H. WILLIAMS, (Manager)
Undertaker and Embnlmcr
tblepmonk oa ' o. uox t
H. E. McINTYRE fc BRO.,
IMPORTERS AND i)EALEH8 IK
Groceries, Provisions and Feed.
New Gooda Itecolvod by Every Paoket from tha Eastern States ond Europe
FRESH CALIFORNIA PRODUCE BY EVERY STEAMEEJ
All Orderu foitbially attended to and Goods Delivered to any
Port ot tho City FREE,
Ihlawd Obdkbs Bouoitkd, Batimactioh Quuuntxhi
EAST CORNER ifORT AND KINO STREKfH
Telephone 53. 59ff B P. O. Box 222.
Oalui Lumber Building Co.,
King Street, ncor Oohu Railway & Land Co.'a Depot.
Lumber Merchants, Contractors aad Builders.
IMIORTEUB AND DEALE118 IN
Doors, S'asli, Blinds, IPaints, Oil,
Builders' Hardware, Etc., Etc.
Street. P. O. Box 147.
na xicreutuw bu-oom,;
& assortment of
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