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EVENING BULLETIN, NOVEMBER 13, 189G.
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ONE OK SYDNEY SMITH'S JOKES.
Tli Sou Whi i Piir(, lnt tho rather
Took I I ill Dewn,
Tho famous Sydney Smith had n Bon
-who was Interested in horses, dogs" and
port. IIo was n tnlkutivo young mnu
nnd an agrceablo companion for thoso
who had tastes similar to his own, but
ho was out of plnco at Ills father's tnblo
"When distinguished prelates and digni
taries of tho church wtio present. When
1ho father was entertaining guests of
this class, ho seldom allowed tho young
man to bo present
Ono night thero was to bo a dinner
to which tho bishop of London and oth
er clergymen of high rank had beer,
invited. Tho son begged to liavo the
privilege of a place at tho tablo, re
marking that ho Koldom was favored
with tho chance of making tho acquaint
ance of tho grut clergy.
His father in reply said that tho com
pany would not bo interested in stories
about horses, (legs, racing and such
matters, and that ho feared his son
would bo unablo to adapt his conversa
tion to their tastes. Tho young man
promised not to talk, but to listen, and
was given permission to bo present at
Ho was tut good as his word until tho
company wcro nearly through dinner,
when thero was mi awkward pauso in
which no ono seemed ready to start a
fresh subject. Iu this crisis tho sou
abruptly turned to tho bishop and nstou
ished tho company by asking:
"Is your lordship ablo to toll mo what
was tho condition of Nebuchadnezzar
whon ho camo off tho grabs?"
Sydney Smith, sitting at tho head of
tho table, was horrified by this familiar
application of sporting phrases to an in
cident of religious history, and quickly
changed tho Bubject, after remarking
grimly to tho bishop:
"I have always told my friends that
my sou possessed what might properly
bo called a stablo mind."
Tho company laughed over tho pun,
nnd tho young man, after turning red
in tho face, relapsed into silence, and
mado no further attempt to adapt his
special knowlf dgo of horses and racing
stook to tho entertainment of clerical
society. Tho sccno between father and
son on tho following morning is not re
corded, but tho fathor ovidently enjoyed
tho joke, and frequently told the inci
dent to his iutimato friends. Youth's
"Ladies and gentlemen," said tho
gifted tragedian Mr. Pahucks, coming
forward to tho footlights nnd speaking
in a voico that roso high abovo tho din,
"if thero is any moro hissing, howling
or cat calling, or anything moro thrown
on tho stago from tho galleries during
tho further progress of tho performance
this evening, as suro as I stand hero I
shall relato half a dozen or moro of Dr.
Ohauncey M. Depcw's freshest and best
A shudder passed through tho audi
ence and in tho midst of a profound,
unearthly silenco tho gifted tragedian
proceeded with his lines. Chicago
Tho Dealer's rnvllcRO.
"Bnt, your honor," shrieked tho
young lawyer, "you cannot fluo my
client (SGOO. Tho law says that $25 is
tho cxtremo limit"
"Young man," answered tho Okla
homa justicoof thope.ico, "it might jrst
us well bo understood that I urn doin tho
clealin in this yer game, and I allow I
kin raiso tho limit ef I so beo fit. "Cin
r.irlld of Shoppllic
Mrs. Dearborn I find it doesn't pay
to hurry when you aro shopping.
Mrs. Monroe Did you inako n mis
take? Mrs. Dearborn I married ti man yes
torday, aud today I had to go to thf
clerk of tho divorco couit and get an or
der to chungo him. New York World.
AsklnR a Favor.
Good Looking Young Girl Will you
do something for me, Mr. li. ?
Mr. B. With pleasure, my dear Miss
A. What is it?
"Well, I wish you would proposo to
mo, so that I may crow over my cousin.
I promiso I won't accept yon. " Satur
If Women Were Absent.
"All, mut" inspired tho poet as ho
finished a sonnet to his mistress' eye
brow. "What would bo tho condition ot
n country without women!"
"Stag nation," softly responded tho
humorist Boston Courier.
A IJttle Mliumlertanillnc.
'Tho Foreigner Did I understand you
to say that your friend was Lord Baron
Tho American No. I said ho was a
lard baron. Indianapolis Journal.
' 'Do man dat doan, nobbcr kick 'tall, "
eaid Unolo Eben, "an do man dat keeps
kickin all do timo am two pcoplo da
glncrally gits do worst ob it in dis two
life" Washington Star.
Ueautiful, artintio, accurate,
charming island viows at King
Bros. Every pvomiuent point on
the inlands is photographed by us
and painted by tlio liest of our
The Platinotypo Pictures by
Mr. Ilonshaw at tbo Pacific Hard
ware Co. are the finest oxamplcs
oE photogiaphio art ever neon in
Honolulu. Just tho thing to sond
away to your friends.
108 KINO STREET.
Q. J. Walt, it u ... Manaqkk.
WHOLESALE AND BETAIL
CONSTANTLY ON HAND.
Metropolitan Ifjeat do.
WM UP 104!
The Central Meat Market
214 Ntjuanu Stiieet.
For Your Clioico
eMgeiiated .-. Mbq60
Always on Hand Ordors
promptly and cirefally attend
WESTBR00K, GARES & SOHLEIF,
JnsBpti Tinker, - - Prop,
Of tho Finest Varieties.
Mnkcrs of tho Celebrated Pork Sausage.
310 Nuuanu stroot, opp. Chaplain lano.
Tei.mmione oai, l O. Box 301.
City Feed Store
Beretunlu on J Punchbowl.
L. H. Dee & Co.
If you want your cow to clvo milk jret her
mu Alfulfa Hay at City Feed Storr.
K3f Will have on tho IStli u supply of
i-oti Potato, Caacailla Flour ar.d silver
For tho Equine Tablo iu tho
way o nil kiuils JFirBt Ohss
HAY, G-RAIN ? PEED
Aro on sale by tbo
WASHINGTON FEED flOM'Y
138 Fort St Tol. 422.
Big! Fat! Tender!
They me tho Very Fiuost BpecimoiiH of tho
Noble Amencnn Bird ever offered
for Bftle here at
V0ELLER & CO.'S,
CO Borotnnia Strcot, Waring Block.
BST Telehionb (580 "a
H. iviy $ co.,
Wholesale and Retail Groceries.
515 & 517 Fort St., Honolulu
Telephoner 2ii P.O. Box 470
livening liullcli" 75c $er month.
HhlnUrUL lAfl ibAI Ul,
. G. Irwin & Co.
Wm. G. Inviu, - President and Manager
Clnus Spreckols, - - - Vice-President
W. M. Giffnrd. - Secretary uiul Treasurer
Theo. 0. Porter, - - - Auditor
AOKNTB OP TUB
OCEANIC STEAMSHIP COMPANY
OF 8AN FKANOISCO. OAL.
0. BREWER & COMPANY, LIMITED,
Queen street, Hunolulu, H.I.
Hawaiian Agricultural Company, Onoinca Sugar
Company, Hoiiomu Sujrar Company, Walhiku
Sugar Company, Wallicc SiiKar Compan) , Makcc
Sugar Company, llalcakaln Kancli Coniimiy, K.
papala Kancli. I'lantcrs' Line S.ui Francisco
Packets, Chan, ltrcuer & Co.'s Line of Boston
rackets.--Agents Huston Hoard of Underwriters.
Agents Philadelphia Hoard of Underwriters.
list of omeKRs:
1' 0 Jones, Prosidont; George II Itobortson,
Mnungor; E F Bishop, Treasurer nnd Sec
retary; Col. W F Allen, Auditor; CM Cooke,
II S titerhouwo, A Y Curler, Directors.
0. J. NOTrE, Proprietor.
The Best Lunch in Tovn
Tea and (Coffee
AT AI.Ii HOUns.
THE FINEST BRANDS OF
Cigars and Tobacco
ALWAYS ON HAND.
Eagle -:- House
CARL KLEMME, Proprlator,
Now management. Commodious rooms.
Tnblo itounl tho llucst, includiug inuny
Palutnblo Qorruttu Dislic-rf.
Board ami Room, per week $6.50 to $7.50
Table Board, pjrweet. $5.00
A FAMILY IIOTKL.
T. ICro-aoo, ... 3?rop.
For Day 8 2.00
Per Week 12.00
paddil XXontloly XJatoa I
The Beat ot Attendance, tho Best Situa
tion nnd tho FinpHt Meals in this Oity
SINGER'S -:- BAKERY
King St. noar Ttioinos Squnro
Ho me-Made BREAD I
BSySorved Frosh ovory Day
Cakes : and : Pies : to : Order
H. F. SINGER,
Tolopbono 872. Solo Prop'r.
Jc3 a, JsZ. -Lzi jEw ju I
Hotel Ktreot, noar Fort.
BREA33, PJES and CAKES
Of oil kinds.
jTJCTuo Finest Imported and Hoinci
The Elito Ice Cream Parlors
From 0 a. m to II f. j. jou con set ft Clip
of Real Konn Oolite nt tin. "Elite" lie Cream
3 (nko plpiiourcin announc
ing to you tlmt I Imvo rcmov
ftl to my nnv o'mrters nt NO.
Jlt.rOKl ! ,.:i-,KT nudam
p'imnsl it i vouulo nil orders
jA-iidii it-,.' to niy business.
Jmwliy Repairing, Wntcli
llopitii'ing, l,1iuo Engraving,
etc., etc. I lmvo a lmndsomo
Btock oE Wntches nntl Jowol
ry to bIiow you including n
largo variety of valuable Isl
and Curios. Your patronngo
is respectfully solicited.
To My Patrons:
It gives me much pleiiauro
to nnnonnce that MR. M. II,
COUNTEK, ono of the most
sitillud ivittclimiikers ever in
those Islands, is now managing
my repairing depnrlniont No
watch is so complex in its
mechanism but wo can givo por
foct putisfuction in correcting
tho ovils to which watches aro
heir. Watches are delicate
things to handle Wo guuranteo
that they will recoivo no injury
at our bands aud will leave
our ntoro iu nerfect rojair.
E. A. JACOBSON,
(507 Fort Street.
JH. G. JBIAJflT.
101 Fort Street.
Mea Snjtfi Watt
O na Puna llakana
Kft Hiwahiwa oi loa aku o
ku Nani Makamnu.
E Hiki ke Hoomaemae
pu ia nn Witi poiuo it mo ka
haki o ke A-u.
Alanni Pupu, Icokokoalnnui Moi.
608 Nuuanu Stiieet.
Harry Klemme, - - Prop.
Tho "Best in
lh "World - - -
Best of Liquors Wines.
CJv. Our Silooti in thoroughly renovatoJ
nnd TctiirnUheil nnd wo trust that onr
stock will pluuso every Unto.
COME AND SAMPLE IT.
A t;ononil nlook of Liquors, Alos aud
PKKSH BCEIt ALWAYS OX D1UUOHT.
OUR PORT AND SHERRY,
Aro of tbo fluent nnd come to ub
direct from Buropo.
OUR MCBRAYER WHISKEY
Iuinortod straight from Lonls
KINO AND NUDAND STnEBW.
Tho celebrated Enterprise
Beer on Draught and in
GONSALVES & CO,
WHOLESALE GROCERS AND
225 Qnoen stroot, Honolulu, H. I.
G. R. Harrison,
Practical Piano Maker aud Tuner.
Con Furnish tho Bast
Office, Fort street, opposite Cntholio School.
Telephone 231, 412 and 190.
B Orders promptly nt tended to.
MISS CHARLOTTE H. FARHELEE
Is now preparod lo tulro n limited nutn
gj&T IlCkidvncoi 220 Bciotnnla htieot,
oppottite Hotel yates. 148 lm
Wo havo received an immense slock of Infants and
Invalids Poods, consisting in part of ...
Mellms', Nestle's, norlicks,
Lactated, Imperial Granum,,
And last, but not least, the only
fiy Wo haven't any particular hobby to force on you,
but if 3'ou want food for Infants or Invalids, the place to
get it is at the .......
H0LLISTER DRUG CO.,
TifBO lr DiVlES Ci
Commission . Agents I
H. HACKFELD & CO.
Importers and Doalors in
H. HACKFELD & CO.
201 to 215 Fort Street.
Just Received and Tor Sale
At the New Stand, King Street,
(Adjoining the Arlington.)
Whole Wheat Flour,
Goldon Gate Flour,
Fresh Almonds and Walnuts,
Cal. Block Butter,
Onions, Etc., Etc.
H. E. McINTYRE & BRO.,
IMrOllTKRS AND DEALEIIS IN
Groceries, Provisions and Feed.
Now Goods Itoceivod by Every Tucket from tho Eastern States and Europe
FBESn ' CALIFORNIA PRODUCE BY EVERY BTEAMER
All Orders faithlnlly attendod to nnd Goods Delivered to any
Island Obduw Bolioitiu), Batihvactiom Gcaiunimi)
EAST COBNElt tfOKT AND KING STllKEn'B.
212 Kinjr Street
r. O. BOX 48