Newspaper Page Text
When The Youngster Crawls Into Bed
There's a half-smothered yawn from tho cot where he lies,
Supposed to be soundly asleep.
Ills chubby brown flats rub tbt "sand" from his eyes,
And tho covers fly off In a heap.
Ills little bare feet strike the floor with a whack;
They raco llko a young thoroughbred;
They slide like two Icicles over my back,
As tho youngster crawls Into my bed.
"Now tell mo a story; please, popsle," pleads he.
'A gruff, growling protest I make.
I am too badly tongue-tied tn say A II C,
And my brain's but n frpctlon awake.
Hut growling and snarling don't terrify him.
"You's a bear, nro you? Just growl ahead
And I'll be a billy goat br-rr limn-ullm!"
And he butts me half out of the bed.
Hit scoffs at my pitiful bribe of n dime.
He snuggles against my warm breast.
And cocks up his ear for the "Once on a time"
That ushers In all of tho rest
Of the Mother (loose talcs end the storybook lore
And tho yarns I spin out of my head;
And when I'm pumped dry, It Is "Please tell me some more."
When tho youngster crawls Into my bed.
After stories galore, then a irlllcklng play
With happiness fills up Ms cup.
"What fierce, hungry cub has crawled In here?" I say,
"Oh, please, tiger, don't tat mo up!"
Then he roars and ho ramps, with an awful hubbub.
Ills feet beat tattoo on my head.
Ills knees my poor ribs llko a washlngboard rub,
When fiie youngster cravis Into my bed.
So he grapples me tight "twlxt his arms and his legs.
And ho holds mo there, (!trgcd and grim.
"Only five minutes more, Pop!" he earnestly begs;
Hut tho shopbell won't tarry for him.
nut they make my heart light all the rest of the day,
Those pictures that come In my head.
Of the capers he cut In thnt rollicking play
When tho youngster crawled Into my bed.
Teacher Holds Spanking .Championship
Fortvtscven punitive performances
In thirteen minutes this Is the record
hi caking score made by Professor F.
A. Llllle, of Manchester, Conn. Trans
lated into New England vernacular,
this means simply that Professor Ml'
lie has broken all previous spanking
records his own Included. It means
that by his recent wholesale chastise
ment of unruly boys nnd girls at the
rate of three and eight-thirteenths
spankings per mlhutc, the Nutmeg
State schoolmaster has become tho
rl.i inplon spanker of the world.
"Pooh! I don't mind Professor Mi
He's spanking ono mite,' said a tiny,
ml checked, curly headed miss tn her
strlll, childish treble. "He thinks hd
licks hard, but it didn't hurt at all.
At least It didn't hurt us girls. We
went to school that morning prepar
When asked what she meant by go
ing "prepared," tho little maid hung
her head, blushed and murmured
"Why, every one of us girls wore
three or four extra flannel petticoats
"Hut j on all screamed and cried,"
It was Insisted. I
"Oh, well, wo have to do that to
lool Professor I.lllle. He's foxy. My,
but he' n foxy duck! And If we hadn't
made believe to cry ho'd have bus
rcctcd something wrong nnd then he'd
Itvc given us something to make us'
howl In earnest. ' I
"Never touched me!" declared one
of the ringleaders of the boys when 1
questioned him. "Never touched mol
Never touched any of us! He had his
itroublo nil for nothing. Think wo
would go and do a fool thing like thnt
nnd not wear plenty of pads?"
The urchin winked knowingly.
"What did we wear? Oh, lots ol
FUNNY NAMES FOR FUNNY FOLK
BY HORACE SEYMOUR KELLER.
Tl ere was a very- funny boy.
Whose name was Tommy Small.
At sixteen years of age the lad
Was orer six feet tall.
Joe Long he was another chap
Whose name was very queer.
At fifteen years of age he reached
Just four feet high, my dear.
There was a very funny girl
Whoso name was Mly White.
Her face was black as ebony
Or black cats in the night.
Here's Hronnle Dlnck, whose face Is
names do disagree!
They ought to be all changed nbout
Until they fit, you see.
Horace Seymour Keller.
Perhaps you haven't a mu
sic cabinet, or if you have one.
It doesn't suit. Wo vould
llko to sco you It such Is the
Somo folks have music racks
and stand their music on
edge, wnlch soon has it In a
dilapidated condition. Our
cabinets are tho best for
keeping music In ordor and
In oak or mahogany, from
$7.50 upward, to match furnl
turo or piano.
Projlrcus Block, Port Bt.
1 GRAVE IN THE SEA I
wall paper !
The prettiest nnd swellcst of
moderately priced wall papers.
Very handsome with appllquo
Wo havo every shade under
the sun In Ingrain Papers, and
all tho now Art Nouveaus.
Everyone Invited to see tho
LEWERS & COOKE,
Motor Carriage and Machine
REPAIR AND BUILD
ALL KINDS OF : :
Bare Work of All Kinds.
Etc, Etc., Repaired.
UNION STREET, near Hotel.
Phone Dlue 721. P. 0. box 112.
J. W. 8CH0ENIN0, Managsr.
l.lttlc Alfred was coming from Eng
land to America, on the great ship St.
I .fills, with his mother.
Alfred was quickly becoming the
ret of all on board the ship. Ills firBt
acquaintance was an old, old man.
Thnt gentleman would sit, with Al
fred on bis knee, telling tales of his
boyhood days to his very attentive
listener. Tho child Boon learned to
cull him "Urandpn."
'Twas the day before the great ship
was to land at Hoboken, when Alfred
ccmplalned of a soro throat. His
mother took him to tho ship doctor,
who, after examining his throat, said
that he had "a touch of pneumonia.
At midnight the steward, on pass
inp Alfred's cabin door, was frighten
ed By a scream emerging from the
iiiom. Ho broke In the door, nnd what
net his sight little Alfred 'lying like
a marble statue on the berth, his moth
er on the floor In a dead faint. The
steward touched tho boy dead!
That same night n little coffin was
lowered down the side of the great
ship, and the kind ocean received It
'n Its wide arms. A tear, like a dew
drop, shone In every eye. but "Grand
!n" was the only stranger whose frlef
. f .
Mrs. Hasty's Three
Names In One Day
In tho Circuit Court of Lebanon
Ky, a divorce was granted Mrs. Ella
i'owoll from William Yowell, on tho
grounds of abandonment, and she was
restored to her maiden name, Ella
Murphy. Dy special request of her at
torneys tho decree was entered at
or.co and Judgo Patterson left tho
bench to sign the order. Immediately
niter It had been signed by tho Court
nnd the parties legally separated,
William Hasty walked from tho court
loom, where ho 1733 been engerly
watching proceedings, to the Clerk's
office and applied to the Clerk for n II
censo to wed MIsb MurpTiy. It was
Rinnted and tho Bamo nfterrioon Miss
Murphy becamo Mrs. Hasty. This
might bo regarded as a Hasty proceed
The number of gentlemen In Wash
ington who nio rcudy to testify that
Dr. Chilstmns Is a stranger to them
must bo a source of dismay to Dr
The Allied Third parly demands a
"scientific currency." What's really
needed Is a currency that Isn't evasive.
It takes a real genius to oilglnut)
new Ideas In love making.
things all the flannel shirts wc had
ere: our football trousers under our
That Is the version given by tho
buys and girls spanked, none of whom
I wilt confess having been the leaet bit
hurt by the operation.
And now for Professor Ulllle's side
o' the story, which docs not differ
materially, except 'that he appeared
when talking ti me to bv perfectly
l.moccnt of tho rtiae played upon him
Professor Llllle Is not, as might be
rupposed, an old fashioned demagogue.
II.' Is the principal of the Manches
ter Public Schools, which arc eight In
number, accommodating Ave hundred
pupils nnd omplovlng twche teach
ers. Ho has occupied his present' po
sliion for nine years, ronilng to Man
Chester from Middle Iladdam, where
he distinguished himself In like man
ntr while principal of the public
schools lit thit city.
He looks like a man who couldn't
hurt a spider, let nlond spank a boy
or girl, however naughty and deserv
ing of It.
"Of couro I did H spanked forty
seen of them In not quite thirteen
minutes." ha aald. "and, do you know,
I believe I could havo done It In ten.
"Deny Itl Of courso not. I did It,
nnd I'm willing always to stand by the
things I do. Besides, the little ras
cals all deserved It. and I have the
support of their parents."
tntstjnJzstrtMnniV-nrt-nT-j5- rjrrt--r n-(Vn.s-nrt-n J'
I 4 WOMEN WHO WHISPER
-f -f -f-f - -r-f
. . . '
Why Is It that women have so much Is ns soon as they can get at It, begin women, and I am certnln that no worn
ot a confidential nature to communl- whispering. This Is nearly always ac-'au In n street car woMld be comfort
cste to ono another In whispers in companled by giggles, single and able If she saw two men communlcnt-
puhllc? Is the question of a curious double. I mi' In the way I have described.
"How seldom It Is that you see men . "I nm satisfied that this whispering
"It is particularly noticeable," ha wllsperlng. I have seen two women In public Is a habit. Just as It Is a hab
rrtds, "In the cars. I don't expect chat on a street corner, forty feet j II for most women to giggle and laugh
thim to discuss their affairs for the nwny from any other person, and then every tlmo thoy meet. I am a lover ot
leneflt of other peoplo In the car; ns they were about to separate, wills- J n hearty laugh It denotes a healthy
loud talking Is quite as bad form as pel in the most confidential way and liver and Indicates home living but I
some other things. , then giggle. huvo noticed that laughter between
"Hut I havo noticed, not recently but "I beg to Insist that this criticism, n'c-n In public Is an exception, while
for years, that when two women who , if It mny be so called. Is not Idle cii''wlth women It Is the rule. Are worn
know each other touch elbows In a r'oslty. No gentleman would witling en happier than men, or Is laughter
street enr they almost Instantly, tiiat ly overhear n conversation between with them mechanical?"
WHERE PRESIDENT WILL SUMMER
BBBBBiliiiKhiiMillCiiMllB-TiiLl wa mud iiJfttmrnffi
rsew ork, April 21. Immediately after the adjourn'-jen of Congress, 'n Juno, President r.ooaevelt will lepalr
to his summer homo at Oyster Day, L. I., where he Inten Is to spend tne (.renter part of the summer vacation. Mrs.
Itoosovclt nnd .he children will probably start for Oyster Cay bclorn the r. joi.rnment ot Coughs. Toddy Tloose
clt Jr. will accompany his mother The President's eld st born Ib puking up wonderfully slueo his sickness and
ho manifests a Keua delight at the prospect of going to Oyiter Hay. whu- ne knows every nook ami cranny.
Where Nerve (The Land of
Was a Fine Art " I Don't Want To."
Not many men can stand being
r ade conspicuous If the attendant
circumstances havo In them any elu
irent of humor. Hut It didn't feaso
tne Handsome Man a bit ho went
mrough tho part allotted to him by tho
Leading Lady without bo much as tho
H cker of an eyelash. So far as ap
'pearances were concerned, nn oh
MTver could not havo told that tho
iiamlsomo Man know ho was doing
what ho did.
Tho Leading Lady was sealed In a
Columbus avenuo car. Slio gripped a
button on the overcoat of tho li mil
somo man, who stood fJefoio her, nnd
jeiked It persistently.
Sho W8B a very ordinary, elderly
woman. Tho gentleman who bent
over, In responso to tier unique srin
mons, was noticeably well groomed
pnd distinguished looking.
At first ho seemed not to catch whnt
tho had said, for sho pointed in tho
olhor Bldo of tho car. He turned ln
qulringly In thnt direction Closo to
the door, at tho feet of another man,
was tho glimmer of something w'lilto.
With unmoved dignity, tho Handsomo
Man mailo his way down tho halt fill
Tho car gavo n sudden Jerk, at tho
Fifty-third Btrect curve, so ho had to
giab a strap to savo his equilibrium.
A little gill wns out of sortB,
And so one day Bhe planned
' To lenvo manjnia nnd go Into
Tho "I don't want to" land
Shu thought 'twould bo so easy thera
To live wl.'i naught to do;
She would not have to mind nt all,
You wo. tho wholo day through.
And so Bhe went, -and for awhllo
'Twas bright and happy there;
Mill by and by the lights went out,
I And chill was In tho nl,-,
And horrid noises smote her ears,
And It began to rnln.
the fled from "I don't want to" land
And caimt back homo again. .
When the swaying permitted, he stoop-
id, grasped tho white linen gingerly
rnd aroie, rather rpd of face, paced
sli wly hack to tire Heading Lady, nnd,
villi a bow, lestmed to her her lost
pesKC'Sslon her pocla-t handkerchief.
'Thank j on," sho vouchsated conde-
"You are welcome." ho said distinct-
lj, then stood nonchalantly nToof.
, It becamo appaient that they were
rot together, that the woman did not
know him. How did Bho over havo
the sublime nervo to send that unnp-'
proachablo looking man, lackeywlBe,
to do her bidding? Oh, for tho beau
tltul intrepidity of tho uninitiated!
The Sioux Falls dlvoico colony Is
M owing Into quite massive propor
tlonu. It la estimated that at tno
.iicsent time In tho ncignborliood of
thiee hundred females and males, who
i.uve attachments to them In the shopo
i.f hualinnds ami wives, are either in
tl.o city sojourning or are paying for
rcom rent horo, while cnjojlng tho
li.xmles of tho far Eau. Somo of tho
dlvorrees nro going on the theory that
so long ns they pay loom rent and
c aim their losldence ns Sioux Falls,
tl.ey aio exempt from living hero dur
ing the seven niontht, necessary to
t"t the deereo of eupniatlon fiom un
There are all giades, kinds, colors
rnd degrees of divorcees here; fiom
the kind that nio compelled to' work
tcr a living In order to make both ends
meet, to tho aristocratic Herman
Count and prominent citizens of Now
i c.i It. tho latter generally profurilng
to temaln In Now York to residing
here. Then thoro Is n prominent
coach for a famous football team who
is represented In Eastern pnpors ob
viHltlng occasionally nt Sioux Falls
to look after some patients he has
hf l e.
Among tho mnlo divorcees thero aro
st mo that certainly need to be caged.
HOW WE LOVE THAT OLD ARM CHAIR
"Wo love It, we love It, nnd who shall daro
To chide us for loving that old arm chair?" " '
A homely, wooden old affair that shows tho scars and stains ot time,
And one that you would never tlilnl; would lead tho thoughts to run- -
A silent echo from the past, a relic of tho long ago
When furnishings for home wcro built for comfort rather than for
Those daubs of paint upon Its back may onco havo been sweet birds
Or oven bright-winged butterflies I espangllng fair, hand-painted bow
ers, ' v
Dut now have grown so Indistinct 'twere difficult to tell Just what
The artist called them when his hand tho red and yellow work had
No patient mother, white of hair, c cr sat In that old hallowed seat
And listened to the nightly praycra of woo ones kneeling nt her feet
And sent them to their trundle bed with kiss of sacred mother love,
Her whispered words commending then to caro of Master up above;
At last not to the knowledge of the chap who lounges In It now
And sends the Binokc from briar plpo upending o'er his wrinkled brow
We bought It at an auction sale, and ever slnco have blessed our
Foi it Is quite beyond a doubt the easiest chair we ever struck.
"Wo love it, we lovo It, and who s'inll doro
To chide us for loving that old arm chair."
WEALTH, POWER AND HAPPINESS
Once upon a tlmo thero lived a king,
and he had three sons. Their names
were James, John nnd Iltchard. When
the princes were old enough and
ictdy to go put Into the world and en
ter the battle of life the king summon
ed them beloro him.
"My sons," said he, "you are nbout
to enter upon a terrible struggle tho
battle of life. It Is my will that you
be well equipped and have all that you
desire. Mjr friend, tho Wizard Wise
man, has promised that each of you
shall havo his wish. What do you do-sl-o?"
James, tho eldest prince, stepped
fuiwnrd. "Tell him I want riches
.old. Give me wealth and I shall go
-oi th and conquer tho universe."
"You shall havo your wish." Then
'.ie turned to Ms second son. "John,
ttlnt do you want?"
'Olve mo power." said John. "1
wrnt to bo n great ruler. Olve me
tcwer, and I will bring the nations of
tho earth to my feet."
"It shall bo ns jou say," said the
Iving. Then he tuined to his youngest
n.n. "What Is your wish, nichard?"
"Nor power nor wealth do I want,"
stId tho gcntlo nichard. "Olve ma
enly the gentle art of making friends.'
Then tho brothers went forth Into
tho world. All that James touched
turned to gold. He becamo rich bo
yend his wildest dreams, but he was
the unhnpplcst man In tho kingdom.
He married, but his young wlfo left
him because ot his arch cruelty. His
Ally Bon grow up a spendthrift nnd,
niter Jnmes hnd died In mlsory nnd
alone squandered tho wealth Ms
father had garnered after many years
Tho second son, John, went forth
into tho nrcha and becamo a mighty
despot. Nations trembled at his nod.
Ills power was unquestioned, but ho
was unloved, and ono day his coup
tiers formed a plot and assassinated
"nichard," said he, "you clioso wise
ly. Wealth Is wonderful and ncconv
pllshos much, power Is great and
earns a great reward, but the gentle
crt of making friends brings happi
ness." And Richard married a beautiful
princess und they 'lived happily over
SOME FUNNY DUCKS
t.i t ..'wwlll.'4tit;.U'.lUt!tl.l
If ou over go to Hankow, China,
don't forget to visit the duck farms.
Thoro nro a gieat many of them, and
tl.ey are really very funny. Hankow
Is built along the river, and tho peoplo
livo by catching fish nnd raising
diickB. Closo to the water nro the lit
tle slieiln In which the ducks sleep at
night. Early ea:h morning tho doors
' these sheds nro opened, nnd the
ducks go out upon the river and
swim nbout all day. Al sunset the
owner claps hU hands and the ducks
rush from all directions nnd there Is
I most deoporate scramble. None ol
tnem wishes to bo the last duck to go
thmiigh tho door. They have tho best
of reasons, too. for a Chinaman sits nt
the door with a long bamboo rod In
.its hand and the last duck always gets
i sharp crack. It Is very funny, too
tn sec theso farmers driving their
d-.itks to market. They never walk,
but rldo In tho oddest sort of boats,
nnd tho ducks swim on before.
Should one Bwtm to cither side he Is
quickly brought Into lino again by nn
in mlstakablo hint from tho bamboo
stick which his master always carries.
It would undoubtedly be a disagree
.Llo experience for them If they
should bo idling In tho country and
meet somofnrmer lad who was out
hunting. Tho fnrmer lad would bo
jut tilled In thinking ho saw somo new
sjecles of something and taking a
shot at It. Then there nro the female
dvorcces, nearly all of whom aro
good looking. Somo arc qulot nnd do-l
muro sort of individuals, and huvo
their brothers (?) with tnom, whllo'
thero aro others who aro trying to
turn tho heads of some of tho travel-!
ling men nnd gay members of this city
end aro appaiently succeeding In rret
ly good shape,
Tho divorce colony as a wholo Is a
ptetty good thing for tho merchants
rf this city. Thoy nro all money'
spendeis and thoso who havo tho
coin want tho best going. They nre
naturally a restless lot, having noth
ing In particular with which to inter-j
ctt themselves dining their sojourn
here, nnd aio naturally ready for any-,
thing that will pass tho time, which
niffllinta tif tiitmn nf 41 lis . I
... . w..w iwi pumu in iiiuiu Killing
B16 Fort Street,
Honolulu, T. H.
Victor Safe & Lock Co.
Ideal neady Mixed
Improved Stono Filters.
And the Stoel Aermotor.
NO FLAT BOTTLES
At the Dinner Table
A Diluter for Wine
STILL wines aro made spark
ling when mixed with " " "
white rock water
They aro, In this way, given a
zest and life, unequaled except
by the best champagne. The
diner out or tho gontleman who
must entertain much at his club,
will do well to note that tho ta
ble will bo supplied with this
water. It Is given a prominent
place on tho wine list ot the
most excluslvo clubs In America,
and has boon honored by Presi
dential approval when sorved at
tho. Inaugural nail Banquet tn
Washington. Tho palate of epi
cures Is gratified to tho utmost
by WHITE ROCK WATER.
W. G, Peacock & Go,, Ltd,
being gay.-Sloux DURABLE and ACCURATS
Aud now tho biowery workmen In
Milwaukee aro threatening to quit
work. It is noticeable, hnnnvnr. thn
the Froth niowers' union never strikes, '
Tho girl who uses a gold hook when
fishing for compliments needs no bait.
The Keystone Watch Caw Co.
,iTtiiiiB mi Phltltfilphls.U.S.A.
vMf.3i. AmBncTs uiaest ana
& T Largest Watch Factory
For salo bv
' The Principal Watch
wy 'mufti 'nr.rumi