Newspaper Page Text
hvunino iiiii.t.r.TiN, tinNnt.tii.it, t. it.. 8ATtiitn.v. Jan. sb, imt.
It's Great To Be
Famous, Says Dooley But
Buy Up Bi-ographers
IJY 1. !'. llXXI
(CopyiiulK, 11I0IJ, liv II. II. .MiClnro - Co.)
r.l.l., Mr, .-ail I .Mr. Uonlev, "lln'-mi inm ik-uii in iicrc llm
nflorniKin, tin I've lir-t-ril Hum- M'amliil tnlki-il thin I ivi-r
iLuiil'IiI wii in tin wnrlil."
"Hopin linil MiIiim- ki-i-p quiet," iniil .Mr. Hriiiii',v. "If lie pit--
pin'iiliiiiii' iiiinv hlnrii1-" ulmui im- I'll "
"Vc nwln't worry," !uiil Mr. Dooley. "V didn't comlM-ciid to
talk iiliinit uiinvwnn iv' vt-'ri infu-rynr Million. If vi- want to 1h- tli'
'mlijick iv our M-unil'lou-. ilii'tni-i- yc'd U'ttlicr pit out 1111' iniikc n
rcjiytntioii. Xo, ir, our tiilk win i-ntoin-ly nliout tli' (ir-rrnt tin'
illlistrioiW, mi' it run nil tli' wny fr'ni .litliii" Cii.vr.ur to l'l.vr (Jnint.
"Di'iir, oil ilciir, 1-tit they were tli' Itnd lot. I'liiuik ill' lord iioIkmI.v
knows ulxiiit mi. 'I'liiuik tli' lonl I luid tli' -,'immI iini' to retire fr'ni
'iollytiuk' whin me repytntion had tprc-tiil ns fur a- IliiNled Stlirirt.
Jf I'd let it go ii liloek further 1'd've Ik-i-ii Mtrr.v f'r it th' ivs-l iv me
life mi' Miine rnr- nfther me deuth.
"1 utiuted to In fmiimw in thiin day-, whin 1 win youn an'
fixilMi. 'Twin tli' dhreiini iv me life to have people miy ns 1 wint
liv: 'There Doolev, th' ur-n-iitett ittiti-iiinii iv liin niie, nil' lmve
I'hlldher Hit onietiinen to liinnllf, nn llml Mir had lo darn hi xoek.
Neutl.v nil ill crii-nl men had -tmielhiiu; th' mnlther with iheir wlti-.
I iilwiiy Ihonulit Mr. Wiili'nlon, who m1 th' wife Iv tli' father l
our ooitiithry, tlioti.'li l'lilldlc lu-rllf, wnn iiIkiiii riplil. She looki
good in tli' pileliern, with n idinwl around her ntrk an' n frith d nijilit
eiip on lit r head. Hut llijuii ny lie hud n tongue idinrper thin
(.leoigeii MMird, fhe insulted nil liW friinl, he m much older thin
him, mi' ho liked food thnt they eiidden't keep nnnv lonuer in th'
ict-Ikix. Ah f'r (Jeorp. he Wii u eue. I
itidlf n diir-reiit futher. A (jr-ieat niornl
i!inrvin a lieilher puient.
"They were nil alike.. I think iv llohhy IIiiiih n-t a mini that
wrote good iiiiigi, even if they were in n tnir-lirniw ueeint, hut I Input
thiuki iv him at liuviii' a load nil th' time an' heiu' tli' scandal iv hie
parih. I rnyiniiulier Aiulhrew .luekiou iw th' man that lieked th'
IlritMi ul Xoo Orleans Ik ihrowiu' eottou IiiiIim at tliiln, hut Unpin
rii.vminilKT-i him u ii mini thnt euddcn't spell an' had u wife who
Flunked u eorneoli pipe. 1 nmniinlier Ahruhiim Lincoln f'r fieein' th'
Klnve-", hut Unpin ru.MuiinlK'rs how he nl to cut Ikic yurnt thai
uiadi th' hut tinder cliake th' ."love harder thin il needed. I riivmim
Iter (hunt f'r what he done around Shiloh whin he win uiip hut
Ilogmi riiyiiiimU'rii him f'r what he done around Xow York whin he
"An' mi it goc. Whin u hid with nawlliin' el.-e to do turtri out to
write u lii-ogruphy ulmui u fr-rt-iil man, ho don't go to th' war depart
mint or th' public lihrnn. Xo, Sir, lie hegiu to m-uivIi th' liureau
dhrawei", old pigeon hole, th' record iv th' polii court, an' th' rceol
hcliouH iv th' hired girl. lie like, letter ltctthed thin iiiiiiything
ele. Ik don't cure much f'r th' kind hcpiiniu': 'Dear wife, I'm
M!ttiii' in front iv th' cuinp fire wenrin' th' thinuel i:het protector ye
made me, an' dhieiimin' iv ye', hut if he can find wan hegiuuin',
'Little llright K.ves: ''I'h' old woman Iiiih gone to th' eounlhry,' he's
ih' happiest hi-ographer ye cud w-e in u month's thravel.
"Ilogan had wun ivsthiiu Iwioks in here th' other ilnv. 'Twin writ-
I ten li.v a friud, so ,vt- cuii see it wasn't piejiuliccd wnn wn. or another,
'iIiimm lien. Ciiii'i e Ind me otne elder fr'ni ih' finiu.' ' In
I Ml. lie ttii iiivum-iI iv emlK'rleiuiut, hut tli' cluugcM niter renchel
hU ear or Ih' piihlle'n until eight ,enin uflher hin dcnlli. In
'I7 hi foler hiolher, thai he had negleeled IiT" Kann City, ullpped
on hlx hallriMim Hun mi' hroke hi leg. In '70 hl wife died
nflhcr lortiirlii' hint f'r fifty enr. TIip.v wen n elnguhirly Imilly
innlcd i-oitple, with n fnin'l.v iv fourleen el'iihlher, hut he did not live
long lo enjoy hi ha)pilie. I'r come ienon lii niver left hi houe.
Wi-Ii Ih eounlhry had got hill pacsed away within a mouth, one of ih' gr-ientest men the'
'llijiiun eounlhry like h. einchr.v him uojihni-(I. For further detail iv th' wrong ihingi he
ilone see tli notes nt tin end iv Ih' volume.
"It seems lo me, Ilituii-'My, that thii hen thing called hiograph.v
is a kind iv an nl'set f'r histhry. "lINlhr.vlii on wan side, nit' hi
ogmpliy comes along mi' makes il rowl over an' lie on th' other side.
Ilislhry says n man is nearly a Uawd; hi-ography says lie' ou'y a
poor knnl iv a man. 1 he liistorxnu says, go up; th lu-ographer says,
come ibiwii among us. I don't lioliovo nyether iv ihim.
"I was tnlkin' with I'nlher Kelly iiIhiiiI it nfther Ilogan wint out.
'Were they all so hud, ihim mill thai I've liccn'liroiight up to think
so gloryous V says I. 'They were men,' snysl'uthcr Kelly. 'Vc
mustn't lielieve nil ye hear uhout thiui,no uiallher who says il," says'
he. 'it's a thrail iv human nature to pull down th' gr-reat an' sthmug.
'I h' hero sthruts through histry with Ids chin up in th' air, his -ciplcr
in his hand an' his crown on his head. Hut In-hind him dances it IkkiI
lilack iiiiitatin' his walk an' makiii' faces at him. Fume Invites a liiini
out iv his home to Ik crowned f'r his gloryous deeds, un' surves him
with n wnrruift f'r hutin his wife. 'Tis not in th' nature iv things
that it shuihlcit't Ik so. We'd nil perish iv humilyntion if th' gr-rcat
men iv th wurrnlil didn't hnvu nnehrnl low-down tlinuts. If thev
.i i. ..i.! i .. I i i i . ' i! :... .
I nil i ii e uiiiiii'is puinvisr nvmniis. ciiioii ihi. o, un i ti-vi Mviiiiry ... ,, ... , .i i i i ..:.. i .. i .i . i . i .
. . . '')'. r i i . i . . .hi i .i . . . .i At this tune, snvs the Isxik, 'nn ivmt happened that was defined to
.ff.li.... ..in .III 1.1. til I .Itful ,.i lult'i. It l.tl, 111 til luli.L'U tllilt 'nt tllldl . . T. ' .
II. III. I III., llli illllll . ill. l.r nil. II lilll III III ini.F..-. iiiiii m iiii-.
critical iM-vryoiI in th' liistlirv of Aincricn then wns need iv u mini
i . i i . j . i i " i . . i
who co'mhiucd'strdiitli iv chnnickter with love iv ctiuuthry
mini win' found, in Mint in Dooley, a prmu'iicnt
in Ar'rchev ro.ul.' That's what I wanted, nn' I'm glad I didn't get
me wMi. If I had.ytiri little nttiution to me din rack! cr that th'
istoks iv wlnit Ilogan Wills hi-ography wild pay, hut u good deal to me
ilehts. Though they miiitioned th' fact that 1 resked death f'r nn
ndopted fatherland, they'd make th' more iuthrcstiu' story aliout th'
time I uluiot met it Ik- fiilliu' down stairs while ruiiniii' away fr'ni u
pnlii.ui.iu. F'r wnn puge they'd print uhout me Jove iv coiiuthry,
they'd print fifty iiIkmU me love iv 1mol.
"Th' things thiui gr'reat men done wild givethim u pluco in
Ityrnes'ti lsiok. If .liilius Cuysar was nlive today he'h he doin' u lock
step down in .loliet: -He was u corner loafer in his youth an' n roh
Iter in his old age. lie hunted into churches, folded around with other
men's wives, curled his hnir with u poker, an' smelled iv perfumery
like a Saturday night ear. An' his wife was a siispieyous charackter
nu lie turned iter uwuvi aiiolvon isonypart, nnpror iv tit i-r-rincn,
'liimgi' th' whole course iv our hero's life. Wan ilnv, while in
sthrcet car, where he lav doin' fr'ni dhriuk, he nwoko lo see
der puff. Th'
oiiuii ii : . i i . t
I luullltltlll tl'.llll.lll lllHItm' (. till, I it lll.ll-Ol til .1 li.illl, H
t i I I I'vuiuiiiti win ii il nil ill t iiimi ii ii i ri in 4i , 1 1 (
. . . .. . . i liriitnl iiiiiliiititr fnu'nrml nVi'f 1 i r . nil it wiiii iiinrn tlitu tli fl in'riil
......... ........... T ...... ........ ... -.......
cud I -car. Kisiu' to his feet, with un outh, hu pulled th' rope iv' th'
fare register an' fell off th' car.
"Th' incident made u deep impression on th' Gin'ml. 1 have no
douht he often thought iv his beautiful .Madonna ivlli' throlly, al
though he niver said so. Hut wan night ns he staggered out iv th'
ilinin' riMiiu nt th' German Ambamadure's, where he had cotisiuued
his eii-loin'ry four ImiuIcs iv brandy, who aliud ho run acrost hut th'
fair vision iv 'th' surface line. She curtsied low tin' picked him up,
an' there heguu u friudship so full iv sorrow un' liuppiucss to both iv
Ihim. He seldom niiutioirWl her, hut wan night he was heard to
mutter: 'Her face is like wun iv Keiuhriind's saints.' A few his
loryuiis coutiml that what he said was: 'Her face looks like u rem
nant side,' hut I cannot ln-lieve this.
"They exchanged brilliant letters f'r ninniiy years, in fact until ih'
win fur too guy uven f'r tliini friy'lous people, un' hail lits. IIis.i-Mimniitlircss was loekeil up. 1 lmve not licen nlile. to liml .limy iv
first wife was no lK-tther thin she shuil he, an' his second wife didn't 'his letters, hut hcr's fell into th' hands iv wim-iv his faithful servants,
car f'r him. Willuui Shakespeare i well known us an author of plays who presarved an' published thiin. (Love an' Letters iv Giu-ra
that no wan can pi ay j hut he was Ix'tthcr known, as a two-handed' Dili eadnaiight an' Alfaretta Agonized; Stolen, Collccled an' Kditci
ilhrinker, a had actor, un' u thief. His wife was a common cold un'lhi- .hunt. Snodgrass.) Xext year was miiii-nihl" f'r hi
led him th' life he deserved
"Thev niver leave tli' ladies out iv the-e stories iv th' gr-rcat. A
woman thnt uinries a Junius has a fine chance iv her false hair Ikcoiu-
iu more immortal thin Ins gr-rcatest deed. It don't make auu.v dm
reuee if all she knew alsmt her marital heio was that he was a con
sistent feeder, a sleepy husband, un' un indulgent futher to his
u ' !
Mr 'li ".'"''
K.' -! i ' '
Ek:. i ONES t
"jWrafV ,( . iicellectlotu of thr Private Life of Napoleci
MHE& ri.c Cvsulng Cillelln one yeir
WhI i i
Rj ' '!" '
HSU M i
glor.ou4 yicthry ut I'liukhcim, all ,th' more wnndlu-rful ls-canse nt ih'
lime our hero wns snlft-riii' fr'ni ileleervvimi threiuciw. ' ll shows th'
fortitude iv-th' (iin'ral an'that he whs as gr-rcnt u liar us I have indi
cated in th preccdin piikcs, that with th cheers iv his soicrs rnmin
in his curs nn' pink monkeys ilunein' hefure his eyes, he cud still write
home to Ins wife: 'Or girl I can't find aiiuythiug lit to dhrink
Rev, E. W. Thwing Tells
Of Beauties Of The
I,. , . . . , ... ,. llllll llll.t-l llllll-ll. iiiiiu .11111 IIIU
ilon t liappen to possess thiin, we make some lli f r thiin. t- nllow mountain of lavn was a fur
no man to tower over us. Wun wuv or another we level th' wnrrnhl . siicdnclc iimn I liml tiiiii,lm-l
to our own height. If we can't icucli th' hero's head we cut
legs. It nlwii.ys makes ine fii-1 uisier iilxiut me silf whin l i-reuil how
ImiiI .liilius Cnyzar was. An' it stimylates coinpylition. If gi-rcnt-icss
nn' goodness were hand in hand 'tis small chance uiiuy iv us wild
hnve iv seein' our pitchers in ih' papers.'
" ' Hut,' says I, 'no wnn wild iver ihry to Ik gloryous if ho know
thnt he wns on'y openin' up th' way f'r u careful inquiry into his per
sonal habits,' says J. 'Yc'd catch mi leadin' an' ar-rniy again' a lot
of la-ads with cannon if I though thai it wns goin' to make sonic fel
low begin lo call on me dentist lo lind where I Itought me teeth,'
Til n I i nTituu tli u luiltfiiii lifWMititi nnu tiinuu nt
"icil niver stop to tliiuk, says lie. '.No wan iver ilocs. Ulory i , t-iMyliiK uml IiIuiIiik lava am! it uin
a chaiiet like th' other thing. Il all comes or doesn't conic out in tliulnut lio ileserllipil In tiny vay xii-it at-
day's job, an' ye can't stop or help it. An' no wan will talk had about
yc nfther ye ar're dead unless ye've done somethiii' thnt miikcs people
tiilk good ivyc. I'd have some throiihle gettiu' un nujiencc f'r u story
iilMiut Ilogan, hut lave me whisper: 'Did ye hear thnt ynru alsmt
G rover Cleveland,' an' I can go on un' lie to me heart's coutiiit.
"An' so it is that the buttles ye win, th' pitchers ye paint, tli' peo
ple ye free, th' chihlhcr that disgrace ye, th' false step iv ye' re youth,
uml the false tooth ivye're age nil go thuudheriu' down lo immortality
together. An' nfther nil isn't it u good thing t Th' on'y hi-egrnphy I
cure iilmiit is th' one Mulliimu tli' stonecutier will chop out f'r me.
"'llm hIkIiI of Ii1 Kin H" Mni i
iilrW'iit lull It rnniiDt for a ilinin' lit
roin'Mire wltli Hint nt Kltatirn nt pri-s-tut
11 Ik tiumi-tliliiK so inaKiiltu-oiit
Itint It Is Inipossllilc lo pxugKi-rate II.
Tin Ili'V. K. V. Tjiwlnx, wint mine
In thin inoriiliig on Hie Klnuii, Is I
(IKjiisllilt for Hip Occlariilloii nlKiv.
Ho uml nil Ha- oilier pass-liners of the
Klnuii wlm vlslleil Kllnm-ii In Hu- ..rt
week say Hint thu slKlit Www Is so
l-eniitlful that It passes the hoainls ot
ull ilcsrriptlnn ami must lie seen In
uriler to In npurcclnleil ut ml,
In tellliiK of his triji to lliunll ll.i
Itev. Thwing salili
"1 went lo the Kan flow nix) tlmtishl
that thu sight there was the finest Hint
f hml pver Keen. Wii uem mi lift fnr lis
the (ioerniiieiit rond nml thu imnli.n
olT his wlii-n we eiilili) lind. I went up In Ijl-
luiieii. tin nun up lo Hiitimliiy t.'i:v
was only Ihe onllnary illhtiirhai'.ie
whkli has heen kiiIiik on for the :st
two months hut on Sunday pfternoiii
It hmkn out Inlii what wns the nt-ixf
innKlillUent sight that I ever expect
tu see. It would Hiiout, up lu fiiiintiilus
or fire ami form a blanket, of fire on
one vide of the Jilt iiid tlieil swcip
'over to thu olUt-rldn In folds of flame,
which (inild (liDhreiJiisi, .u plain') In
Ihe day limn uiciiUilKllt. Th- soil livl
I like .Mulligan's style, f'r he's no llntthrer, an' hu has 'wan model
iv hi-ogrnphy that he uses f'r old nn' young, rich un' poor. My. merely.
writes something to th gin nil ctlcct Hint tu deceased wns u pencil,
un' lets il go ut that. Hut if uiiuy wan wants to write u hi-ogrnphy
iv me mi' cniithrihute some fun to this weary wnrrnhl, let liim do it,
says I. Xuwthiu' wild plcusc me bctth-.-r thin to know that some day
ye will think ye ar're u bctthcr man thin I am,' Hut not f'r th'
prisint,' says he."
"Which wild ye rather Ik, famous or rich?" asked .Mr. Ilennessy.
"I'd like to Ik famous," said .Mr. Dooley, "un' have money enough
to huy off all thrcalenin' bi-ographers.''
n sight of superlative gruudeur.
"Kvcryoue there, h.ijk tlr.l 111') rlkht
Is hy fnr the, flam sluc-i tlw disturb
ance of 1894 mid wo cjtluiaUtl Uml
there were at least 1!. lines of hliulni;
lavu In the jilt nip I thai It Is il-.tng a'
the rate of twenty to. a dn).
"It seems to ho et'ln.t iiinic in-llw
and I only wish Hint I eo-ild hu May
eil hintier Iiimi I did. I .ippni one en
tire nlglit ut the "r.i'j- aim wou'il roi
have missed It fo- an UiIhr und Is
Ides this I wns there for several .Ins
and you could hardly havudiuggdl me
away from the glorious sight."
The KIiiqii mrlvliiK tills morning
from llllo und llnwull isirts, hiought
tnu following freight: 23 cases cnli
hagu, 8 cases pines. 29 empty kegs, 20
sucks of polatoos, 43 hogs, 3 dogs, 12
empty wine casks, C barrels talluw,
fi crates chickens, 24 barrels empty
bottles, 41 bags empty bottles, Jfj
Dags uyrn, 3 barrels dried fish, 134
UULLfcTIN PUBUSHINQ CO.,
HONOLULU, T. H.
FlnajB.iolsttJ 4 fer which plesie ttnd me the
(erite to cult)
for month, to begin and
i i i i
' -CITY '..J,
P. 0. BOX.
That's Bigger and Oetter than Ever
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These are the Books and the Terms Offered
Ul ! IS
I W If I i
RCCOLLEU7ION0 OF THE PRIVATE LIFE OF NAPOLEON.
stalit, Prc.nl or Wlet de Chambre. Translated by Vilter
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