Newspaper Page Text
EVENING BULLETIN, HONOLULU, T. H., SATURDAY, SET. 9, 1911.
L V lU 4h.A A .,taMM4
Ye Old English Scribe
Legal Documents Et Al
Now It chanced Unit So scribe, dur-lho could not tinttcrstnnd yo document,
Ing yo course of hys life In yo city, land neither could yc opposing coun-
w anted to glvo a friend of hys n dog, Isle, although ho would mnko yo great
nnd In order that thcro might bo no
mlstako ho went to hys nttomey and
asked hym to make out yc document
slating that yo doc w;as now yo prop
erty tf yo other person. TMb was
on account of yo fact thai yo pot dog
was yo valuable one.
Now yo attorney started to inako
out yo document, and after lie had
been writing for yo bent pari of nh
hour o scribe nsked hym what ho
was doing, whereat ho replied that
ho was ovch making out yo document
as requested and that ho had just got
nbont half way through. "Half way
thiongh!" exclaimed ye scrlbo. "Yes,'
show, telling yo Jury that this could
not bo yo dog becauao they would
note thpt ho had only two blue hair
on the end of hys tall, whereas "tya
document stated three, Then yo de
fending coilnscl would point dut to yo
twclvq Intelligent gcntlcmcn.that yc
dog tiad bitten one off chasing ye
small butiactlve flea, and that ye caso
would hnveMo be continued until yo
hair 'should grow again. And so yc
caso would go on, yo dog always
biting one or two off, ns Is ye habit
when searching for Jhclr familiars"
'Yo scribe came nway milch Im
pressed, hut at yo samo time wonder-
was written so that ho could not fall
to understand it Ho Is still won
replied o attorney' -'I have lust got Ing how It was that yo ntforncy's bill
down to yo last hair on ye top side
of yo tall, and am now going to start
along yo under sldo." Yo scrlbo
rcnclied for liya gun and then i cached
for )o paper, thinking that ye attor
ney was Just nhnnt h yo lit condition
to go Into yo bughouse.
"Whereas," yo paper read,
English Hcrlbo on yo one part nnd 0
Jonah whalo on yd other part hne
agreed that ye aforesaid Yo Old Eng
lish Scrlbo on yo'ono pari nnd yo
Jonah Whalo on yo other part shall
mnko an agreement that Yo Old Eng
lish Scrlbo nn'ye one part and yo
Jonah Whalo on, yo other part" hero
yo scrlbo turnod over ten pages of yo
document nnd comcth to yo 999th
mention of hym and hys friend ton
their parts After yo duo nnd dili
gent search lie camo to yo part In ye
document where je'nttorncy had de
scribed yo doff, although no mention
of o giving had been yet made. Ho
found that o document stated that
In o first part there was a dog, and
that vo dog ofyo firsl part had yq
bluo nose, which Was peculiar to Jfl
aforesaid dog of ye first part which
was yo property of jo said Yo Old
English Scrlbo aforesaid, and whereas
ye s.ild dog wllli yo said. blue nose
but once more he turned to yo part
of yo document whero o attorney had
been when ho first Intel ruptcd hym,
nnd there he found that yc document
stated that yo dog had on ye top side
of jo end of yo aforesaid tail three
bluo hairs, which wcr. attached,
fixed and otherwise permanently stn
tloned on yc top sldo of yo Raid end
of yo aforesaid tall, which was part
and parcel of ye dog, which was ye
property of yo nforosald Yo Old "Eng
lish Scribe, nforo nnd after always
known as yo grantor,
Yo nttorncy through up hys hands
and passcth yo document over to yo
scribe. Then ho dlppeth hys pen In
yo Ink again and wrltcthHwo or three
words This he passed over, and yc
scrlbo observed that It was ye bill for
five plunks. - '
"Hut," protested yo Scribe, "I did
not want all this All thnt I wanted
was to have something mndo out
which would state that I did not w'ant
ye dog, nnd gave him to my friend.
Noooay. could understand mis.
"Ah," chuckled yo attorney, as he
wrote out yo receipt for five bones,
"that is just yo point No Judge would
over give a decision against your
friend on ac( ount of tho. ., fact that
fcxprrlcncci of ii Tourist.
Ye chnngo of weather at yo endiof
yo present week started a train of
Yo 01d thought In ye scribe's mind, nnd h6
followed out hjs own suggestion nnd
wotted much by doing so Now It
happened that ye good steamship
Sierra arrived In port yesterday
morning with yo largo number of fat-
pursed tourists on board, ana in a
short time Whey were beating It all
about ye city.
Ai yo rooms of o promotion com
mittee many of Uicm baited nnd se
cured yo beautiful literature, In which
je city of Honolulu 'is shown as ye
wonderfully beautiful place, nnd with
ye books In their hands they wanr
dered off to inspect yo same, Now It
chanced that ye rains of ye night be
fore had had yo bad manners to fall
on yo streets, and as a conscnucnce
had wet all o dirt which yo SufW-J
visors arc, wont to describo to jo pub
lic ns topdrcsslng In many places It
lay Inches deep, anil yo townsfolk, be
ing used to It, splashed through it
Just In yc ordinary course. With yo
tourists, however, it was different.
Yo first to come along wanted to
climb aboard ye street car, and stood
waiting on yo corner of King and
llcthcl streets Sho was a rich-looking
old' maid, who had yo small pot
dog undor one arm and yo cago full
oi parrots at homo in her palatial
She was not evidently In yo luck's
way, however, as first of all yo enor
mous automobile came around yo cor
ner wlthot any warning, and yo rear
wheel striking ye hole in yo road,
which was full ot liquid mud, sent
jo substance flying in nil directions
Most of It Bcemed to alight on yo rich
old lady with ye dog and yo parrots.
By yo time sho had finished scraping
It out of yo smnll dog'a left ear,
and had also finished looking at her
ruined dross, yo nutomobllo had
splashed many people and was out
of roach of ye valiant ofllcor with yo
motor cycle, pill Chilton.
Then ye street car enrae ajong, and
ye old lady had perforce to. walk to
yo car through yo slime of mud and
dirt with which roads of ye streets
of Honolulu are topdressod. Yo scribe
stood In yo.. shelter of ye cigar shop
nud thought many things ns to yo
1 cleaned up
W I Vm nl.nn.flll l.tlnl .if (a trill...... 1.1A,
IV UIVVI ,111 It'll, I. Ul JU THIMBU llll'l
jo scrlbo during yo week, and draw
ing hym asldo whispered Into hjs car.
"Say, Do," ho said, "1 huvo on Idea"
Yo scribe looked at hym In yo piti
ful way, and out of pity for yo poor
fellow nsked hym what it was. "Let
us get Barnctt, yo mnn with yo green
eyes, to hypnotlzo yc Supervisors nnd
make them think they nrd thcro to do
yo bist Tor yo populace and not to
secure ye fat Jobs for their friends."
Coming from yo cheerful Idiot, yc Idea
was to bo looked on with dtslrust,
but yo scrlbo thought thnt ho would
even glvo jo scheme n 'try out,
Harnett, when ho whs nsked, nt
first said (hat although ye Idea was
n good ono It was Impossible. "1 can
hypnotlzo anything, from a innsqulto
thnt Ims been trained by yo Hoard
of Hcnlth to a homesteader but a
Supervisor, that Is Impossible." At
last ho was persuaded to try it, how
ever, nnd attended a meeting of ye
city fathers. fe sat In yo corner t)f
yo room, nnd looking straight at ye
assembled board, touched off yo bnt
tery nnd sot jo hypnotic waves In
Now It happened that ye consid
eration of ye ronds of jo city was
under discussion .and ono nnd all of
yo city fathers had told jo assembled
delegates of yo Improvement clubs
thnt although their hearts ached to
niako ye necessary Improvements,
they could not find ye money to do
It., Likewise, when yo delegates wot
ted not, they tipped a prodigious
wink to one another.
Then yo work of yo hypnotist com
menced to show. Father Harry Mur
ray stood up and stated that it was
ye deplorable stato of affairs to find
thnt it was costing yo city $8000 for
every $2000 worth of work done, nnd
proposed that yq,(rcport Bhould bo
made. Yo Infhienep had touched yo
minds of others, nnd they agreed So
a committee was formed, with liana
wakl at Its head, to curry out ye
necessary work, and yo meeting ad
journed, leaving yo gentlemen of yo
press, who nro generally susceptible
to nothing, speechless.
From thnt out and during yo follow
ing weoks it was n revelation to yc
populace. Hnlf of yo road fnrco were
presented with ye noblo order'of yo
can, and ye others were made to
work Yo city Btrcots wore cleaned,
and yo bid and muddy ones pavod
Ye town was put in ye thorough good
order, and It was ye goncrnl opinion
of yc assemblage at yo Union Grill
that ye city fathers wore ye lit and
proper candidates for yo bughouse.
Then came ye thno when yo hypnot
ist wanted to go nway, and he waked
yo fathers, out of their dreams.
They looked nt yo streets nnd won
dered, and hearing yo good tilings thnt
wero even being
all sides, held yo
that ye cheerful Idiot butted In and
told them yc whole story.
At ye next meeting ye road forco
wns filled up again nnd a luna wns
appointed to every two men; all work
on yo roads was immediately stopped,
that ye fathers might think
ling news Now on jo duys hon Jc
Governor hath ye great and glorious
ktory ho pilllcth n long face am! re
truirkctli on yc warmnesi, of jo weather.
To jo mill Hi till reporter this feels ns
though sotuo kind friend had thrown
yc blanket, previously dipped In Ico
water, over hjm. To yo knmanlnu,
however, It Is jc Jojful news, fi.r ho
hnowcth thnt deep In Jo Hovcrnor's
eju Ijleth n Bhidnmo twinkle. It Is'
o mnnncr Jn which f yo Oovcrnor
irntketh hjs lilggcst Joke. 1
Yo reporters tVvlll rise nnd get ns far
ns K door when tliey nro called back
j'6h, by jo waj'," jo Hovcrnor will say
In jo most unconcerned voko, "1 knowt
not whether It will IntcrcM joii, hut 1,
luiin Just appointed Link McCmidloss
lis rhlef Inspector ot jo Home for Lost
I'ol Dogs." Whereat yc gentlemen of
ye pnxs will sent themselves vvhllo yo
Governor dlscnurseth on the imllllea-i
tlons of jc said Link for je Jolt J
Llkculso Jc reporters try to trip up
jo Governor, but he hath nu answer for
their iiuettloii", and not once do they
manage to make him scratch hjs head
and think, for ho hnth Jc long right
nnd Injeth hj's plans many months,
nhend, or so It seemoth In very sooth
In Lighter Vein. .'
Most folks haveje Idea thnt Oovcrn
or Prenr Is nn nuxtcro person and that
jc last thing ho would think of Is tn
craik a Jokp Wliereas In truth ho Is
Just jo oppotlte. Yo Oovcrnor denrly
lovith n Joke, hut ho crnrketh It noti
In jo ordinary manner. It Is yo priv
ilege of jo gentlemen of jo press, iih
those In high position sarcastically are
wont to tall them, to discourse with)
jo Governor nt noon on each dnj At4
least, thnt is jo arrangement as It Is'
supposed tn exist. Owing to jo stick-'
fai-t linlilt of jo late president of jo
Ilonrd of Health, however, jo gentle
men of jo press hnvo often to .wait
many weary minutes while jo genial
Mott-Smlth tellcth jo Governor of yc
Intfst Joke from yo University Club. I
Upon jo entrance of ye said gehtle-"
men, who represent je pipers ot yo'
town, jo Oovcrnor looketh up ns"
though ho hid oven forgot their exist
ence Thcj' takcth their scats nnd
wnlteth for jo sensntlonal nnd stnrt-
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' J; .
innu inn imrv I
a it mi aran raavi
Not Enoiinh Instructors.
Although thcro nro now fortj-sov
Mrvlran Border Quiet. Inc for the establishment of
' Uric. Gen. Joscnh W. Duncan. U. crnn soldlcrB' homo nt Knrt
S. A , commanding tho Department of Walla, Wash , which' has boon nban
TcxaB. hag written the Wnr Depart- doncd. Another .resolution favored
I iiicnl that conditions nro now so rav- mo retirement or soldiers nt ine kc
stations at New Orleans and I'pnsa-
Mr. William Dcrgcn Clialfant, In a
letter to the Scientific American,
1.1 il A.t ...... ..... 4kn ..l i ........ ..f ln ... .Ula 1. a ..
en officers serving as Instructors with ' "mo ?"mp ",H " ' " '" "" ""..,-,,'. . urges that the Panama Canal will set
Iho Organized Mllltla there Is only an ' ouM Jtal " rcstrlc- crvlce. Moro libera pens on aw , ,mt , ,no ,, f ,nrsllp. llo
Incrcnso of thirty officers on detached """" i"""' ''""" "".v-.. ..."" . .......v... - i- '- snjs:
service since the passage of tho Ex- ".listed men with regard to making hat widows of Spinlsl. Vr vetenns CHlmli t
tra Office! s hill. Last jcar at this
short trips Into Mexico bo now re-
...... .t '.- " . moved. After conditions Improved
ume mcro were zs omccrs on gen- . , , .t . .,
cral detached service:-while t nres- fighting ceae,!. these restrict ons
' mnA nnnaml ii WllttlpaB n ntnAlil in
nviu fuiiv I l i n nuuinn "p vawi'v
, n,,, ,i ,n.l tnt "" wnr Department Is furnish- , ' .,
nil vn nvnrds T n fln.1 nn. wh.f1 '"B tn0 M"'"" wh "U ' " Instmc- ' """' ""?', "'" T . . I
.all yo,records to find out what " . .,, .. , ccmmcndnllon is to do nway with tall
born, j matter. Then It was "" ' '" ' ?rt'"f- ,A"a ' .cs.rlctlons. whatsoever.
ond is not jet. It Is tbo policy of the
War Department to return as many
officers as possible to their regiments. Against Canteen.
Wherever it Ib possible to relievo The United Spanish Wnr Veterans,
thorn from detached scrvlco officers In lliclr Teunlon at Oklahoma, Aug.
nro being sent to their regiments. A 22, went on record as opposed to tho
nwr groat manv rcnuosts for ml ltarv nt- re-estnbllsnmeiu or tnc Army can'
yo proposition of how much money, laches by the Stale Department aro teen. A number of resolutions boar
they could allow yq populace, and ye being received by tho War Depart- Ing on national legislation were psss
wnnderful time was pan I incnt. ' ed, one of tho most important be
lie placed nn an equal footing with
widows ol Civil War vetorans O, T.
Taj lor, of Pennsylvania, Is ono of
three nomluecs for comniandcr-ln
Orders hnvo been Issued for the
withdrawal In tho near future of tho
marines stationed at New Orleans and
I'cnsncoln Naval Stations. Tho dc
dachmentu .JI. bo dhtrlutod among
other stallabnaj Limit. Tjiomas E.
1 brasher, Jr., U. S M. C , la in com
mand of tho Now Orleans detachment.
This movement of tho murines Is car
rying out tbo policy of Secretary
Meyer for Iho gradual abolishment of
After having constructed tho
would bo superlative madness
to neutralize it by building ships
which could not use It. Ily Increasing
tho coefficient of fineness, n somewhat
larger tonnngo might be obtained
llenco it would seem that the utter
limit in slzo of our battleship Is
roughly 40,000 to 411,000 tons. From
1907 to 1911 tho tonnage hits Jumped
from 20,000 to 30,000 fifty per cent.
At the samo rato of Increase, In 191.1
tho limit will have been reached, nnd
the battle of displacement will hnvn
given place to the battle of calibers."
J. W. Leslie of Altoonn, Ta . shot
und killed his wife and then ended his
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