Newspaper Page Text
Dr. Richmond SupperJ
A cruel trick \v:is played upon thfi
Well-known diner-out. Dr. C. M. Rich
mond on Saturday night at the Lyceum
theatei, says The New York Sun. Th
-doctor, with a party of lady friends, sat
in a whiskers of the distinguishen bon
vivant were glossy with brilliant inc, and
his shirt bosom and white waistcoat
were made radiant by large gold buttons*
the same having no relation whatever
to the doctor's profession of dentistry
nd tooth filling, as was suggested re
cently by a New York paper. Im
mediately after the first act the docto,
leaned affably over the edge of the box
fixed an usher with one of his glitter
ing eyes, and said:
"Hist!"
The usher rushed forward.
"If," said the doctor, *'a latter comes
here addressed to G. M. Kichmond,
please bring it down to me.
The usher nodded. When the cur
tain fell on the succeeding act the doctoi
glared up the aisle and asked the usher,
in a loud tone of voice, if that letter had
arrived yet for C. M. Richmond. Th
usher said it had not. Th doctor
looked annoyed, and fully, half the
people in the audience shook their heads
dismally aucl wondered what had be
come of the letter. Again the curtain
rose and fell, and once more the doctor
wheeled around and stared at the door,
as did most of the peoplo in the
audience. To the intense relief of every
body the u&her ran beaming down the
aisle with a large white envelope in his
hand.
"The fact is," said the doctor in an
explanatory and affable manner to his
friends, I found myself without change
when we arrived here, and, as I thought
we would like to take a little bit of
biipper after the play, I sent a check
for $50 that I had in my poekes up to
my friend Fond, with a note asking him
to cabh it so that we could buy some
biippe^ This is the answer."
D'The doctor look the envelope, tore in
open in full view of the audience and
hi-, friends, and drew out one large and
smoking clam fritter, and a cardwhich
read:
-DE VK DOCKEY Have supperw this
me. I keep the chek. Yours,
441
POND.
SIBERIA.
Its Secrets Kovealod George Kennan's
Wonderful Journey.
MOST interesting contri
bution to secret history
will be the illustrated pa
pers on "Siberia and the
Exile System," by George
Ken nan which are to begin
the May Ccnlurif maga
zine. They will embody the
results of what is be
lieved to be the first suc
cessful attempt by a com
petent investigator to make
a thorough study of the
Russian exile system. Be
fore undertaking his ardu
ous journey of 15,000 miles,
the interest of The Centu
ry, Mr. Kennan, author of
Tent Life in bibetia, etc had spent four
years in Russia and Siberia, was thorough
ly conversant with the people and the lan
guage, and had reached the conclusion that
the Russian Government had been misrep
resented, and that the exile system of Sibe
ria was not so terrible as was supposed.
Knowing that Mr. Kennan held these
views, the Russian Government gave him
every facility for a thorough
INSPECTION OF M1M 9 AND PRISONS
of Siberiathe most thorough that had
ever been made by a traveler. Armed with
letters from the"Russian Minister of the
Interior and other high officials, Mr. Ken
nan went everywhere, inspecting mines and
prisons, convict baiges and hospitals, and
traveling with chained exiles along the
great Siberian road made the intimate
personal acquaintance of more than three
hundred exiled "liberals" and Nihilists,
many of whom wrote out their histories tor
his use. The actual fads, as revealed by
this searching investigation, were far re
moved from Kennan's preconceived
ideas, as this thrilling narrative of fifteen
months' privation and adventure will show.
As is already known, th publication of
Mr. Kennan's preliminary papers has re
sulted in his being placed
ON THE fclAlK LIST
by the Russian Government, and copies of
2 he Vcntwy containing them have the ob
jectionable article torn out by the custom
officials before being allowed to enter the
Czar's dominions.
expected, of course," says Mr. Ken
nan, a recent interview, to be put on
the Russian black list. The stable-door is
locked, but the horse has been stolenand
I've got him
BOARDING A CONVICT BARGE.
Mr. G. A. Frost, artist and photographer,
accompanied Mr Kennan, and the results ol
his work will form a wonderfully interesting
series of pictures of Russian and Siberian
life and scenery.
The articles begin in the May Century,
which is a great issue in many othc re
spects, containing also an interesting illus
trated article on ranch life, first chapters
of Tho Liar," a novelette by Henry James
the exciting narrative, A Locomotive Chase
in Georgia a suggestive paper on "The
Chances of Being Hi in Battle," an essay
on Milton by Matthew Arnold
4 A Love
Story Reversed," by Edward Bellamy, etc.,
etc. Our local bookseller will have the num
ber after the first of May.
After removing the mulch in the
spring from the strawberries hoe be
tween the rows after the soil shall have
become somewhat waimed, as that will
let more warmth and air down to the
roots. A small portion of wood ashes
scattered along the rows after hoeing
would be Vftry beneficial.
NERVES! NERVES!!
What terrible iisions this little word brings
before the eyes of the nervous.
Headache, Neuralgia,
Indigestion, Sleeplessness,
Nervous Prostration,
All stare them in the face. Yet all these nervous
troubles can be cured by using
elery
(ombouiui
For The Nervous
The Debilitated
The Aged.
THIS GREAT NERVE TONIQ
Also contains the best remedies for diseased con
ditions of the Kidneys, Liver, and Blood, which
always accompany nerve troubles.
It is a Nerve Tonic, an Alterative, a Laxativ*^
and a Diuretic That is why it
CURE S WHEN OTHERS FAIL
$x.oo a Bottle. Send for full particulars.
WELLS, RICHARDSON &, CO., Proprietor
BURLINGTON, VT.
KB
REPUBLICAN PRINCIPLES.
Private Joe" Filer's Able Speech Be
tore the Republican State Central Com
mittee of IllinoisWhy the Grand Old
Par ty Is Bound to Succeed Next Fall.
MR. CHAIRMAN AND GENTLEMEN: W nave
heard many good speeches and many good re
ports from the different sections of this great
State. I hail, not fo Anpomattox and the
celebrated apple tree exactly, hut from the
next best place, the fair county of McLean,
which, geographically and ornamentally, we
somet'mes think is the breast-pm of this gal
lant Republican State, a county where Repub
licanism is a constituent of the common air,
and where the soil is too good to grow the nox
ious weeds of Democracy, a county in which,
under the wise admonition of that great father
of Republicanism, Abraham Lincoln, this Re
publican party was born a county which gave
Grant 2,500 majority, and proposes to beat even
her own splendid record at the coming election
in November. And what I have said in regard
to the Republicanism of McLean County will
apply with eniul force to the entire country.
A party asking the support of the free peo
ple should be able to look forward without
fear, and backward without shame. Twenty
three years have bi ought us beyond the sound
of Grant's cannon at Petersburgh. A new gen
eration with faces toward the rising sun are
upon the stage. In the race for industrial suc
cess men look more to the future than to the
past, and, in my ]ud?ment, the party that suc
ceeds in the coming Presidential election must
show not only abetter record, but also a better
prospectus than its opponent. If a record
alone insures success, the Republicans would
never have lost power. If a record alone could
defeat a party, the Democrats could not, any
time in forty years, have carried the fllth.est.
ward in New York City.
But three years ago an inscrutable Provi
dence, moving in a mysterious way, permitted
this Democratic party to come into power in this
country. For twenty lour ears the Republic
an party had triumphed at the polls but now
since the advent of Democracy its gieater tri
umph is the servile imitation of its de
fauiers. The pjlrty in power has in three
years proved itself the most musty and noisome
depository of political vacuitj and decay to be
found in the world. There are barely enough
live men in the Democratic museum to exhibit
the mummies and take gate money. The public
service runs to-day solely upon the momentum
supplied by Republican foice and ldpas, and
those in power, though having the desire, have
not the courage to change its course. All they
can do is to ride
The Democratic party arrived at tho White
House without a single sincere conviction it
dared avow. The barbaious ideas which had
once vitalized it for evil had all been consumed
years befoie in the white heat ot the aioused
public sentiment of Christendomin fact slam
by the rising spirit of militant Republicanism
Through all the grand jears of Republican
progressthe grandest years in Ameucan his
toryaye, the grandest years in human, history
the leaders of the Democratic party sat like
,d.ized owls upon a dry limb of the charred and
blackened trunk of rebellion, and solemnly
hooted that constitutional liberty wag being
destroyed by the Republican party. The great
statesmen and patriots who arose to immor
tality out of slavery's decline, and stand to-day
canonized in the grateful memoues of a race,
were all, in the active days of their glorv, the
targets of Democratic abuse The politics of
each succes ive Demociatic campaign consist
ed in taking back an old falsehood and telling
a new one. Even the sweet uses of adversity
seemed lost upon the Democratic managers.
But we can afford to forgive all the hard
woids said of us Dy the Democratic nart\, in
v.ew of tne great admiration attested by their
actions, which speak louder than words. Imi
tation is the highest possible praise Through
all the years of Democratic abuse, that party
has been industriously padding out its witheied
frame and shiunken shanks, in the vain hope
of making them till the Republican pattein,
and, really, it is not their fault if our oldmight
clothes don't fit them. Through the dust and
debris which marks the historic course of Re
publican achievement, the managers of the
Democratic party have crawled slavishly on
their bellies after the advancing Republican
column. They wear no plume to-day they did
not pluck fiom the tail of the Republican eagle,
and, usually, about the time the bird was leady
to shed.
Seaiching around in dark political corners,
the Democrats at length found in their paity
a "village statesman so obscure as not to be
widely odious They took this man up and
loudly proclaimed him a great sa\ant and
political leformci. Tme, he had then never
reformed any thing, and has not yet, but theie
seems to be a theory that he can. Anthems
were sung over his discoveij in which Mr
Curtis and Mr. Schur/ earned the alto and
tenor, and the leformers of Tammany fur
mshed the heavy bass. This champion of
Democratic reform was altogether too lofty to
become interested in the little questions that
tioubled Lincoln and Grant twentv-h/e years
ago. The reform ear was not attuned to hear
the guns of Sumpter, or the echoing call of
Father Abraham for three hundred thousand
more." The eye so keen for the penny abuses
of the en il service, could only see the glory
of the coming of the Lord" through the me
dium of a substitute, and when peace and
freedom blushed over a giad lana the heait of
the reformer thrilled strictly by proxj
Theappointed
great moral movement of the centuries thun
dered itself through the hej-day of Grover
Cleveland's -youth, and he made no sign. Such
small things were beneath him. He was, evi
dently, waiting for the disabled soldier, on
whose scarred and shrivelled person he might
illustrate the beneficence of modern Demo
cratic reform
Impartial history will write it down that this
Government had never, since Washington's
flist inauguration, been more faithfully, more
honestly or more efficiently adrainisteied than
it was on the day Arthur passed iu over into
the hands of Cleveland, and yet a campaign
or the most viruleit abuse and falsehood de
ceived some Republicans into believing there
was corruption in high places, and that the
public good required change."
The vain efforts of Mr. Cleveland to carry
jut the false pretense of the campaign and
pose before the world as a great refoimer have
been painful in the extreme, and remind one of
nothing so much as a hippopotamus trying to
balance on a slack-rope. His whole administra
tion has been a solemnly stupid masquerade,
with spoils and party gieed as its real motive,
and Civil-Service reform as its false and dis
honest pretense. Despite the v.gilance of Illi
nois' own great reformer, Mr Oberly, the pub
lic service has been made the battening-ground
of campaign strikers, where the dirtiest party
service finds high and sure reward. It was, I
believe, a member of the President's own party
who said tried Democrats were all right, but he
objected to tried and convicted Democrats.
Not least of the duties of the next Republican
canvass will be to tear the mask from this re
form humbug. The facts ai eat hand and the
fraud under which Democracy came must
be exposed, and when exposed the American
people will lash it from its gh places with
whip of scorpions.
The President, realizing the thinness of the
ice beneath the Democratic reformatory, has
lately made a feint in the direction of the sur
plus and the tariff. One naturally asks, in view
of his present alarm, why he did not mention
the subject soonei. Emerging from the fog of
his own turgid rhetoric, to make his first intel
ligible utterance on any question of National
importance, Mr. Cleveland proves mself the
sworn enemy, not of the inequalities of the
present tariff, but the enemy of the principle
of protection. The Republican party long ago
set the example of revising the tariff, and may
be relied, on to correct all its present and its
future inequalities. But there is one thing the
American people will never allow. They will
never permit the men who can only view the
tariff from the cupola of an English factory,
through the free-trade goggles of Richard Cob
flen, men to whom Ame-iean soup tastes bet
ter out of English spoons, and who think this
country should confine its manufacture to split
ting rails and half-soling boots the people, I
say, will never allow such men to lay their un
holy, unwashed and ignorant hands upon the
citadel of American industry.
The Democrats are rapidly preparing the
trap doors in the political bridge through
which, on next November, they will fall for
ever. A commonwealth larger in population
and wealth than Virginia was, 1790, filled
with intelligence and wealth, and all the best
elements of Northern progress, knocking
vainly at our Northern door for six years, has
been denied Statehood for the crime of being
Republican. At the same time by the avowed
consummation of the most enormous unpun
ished constitutional crime of the age, forty
men, all accomplices in the act, sit in Con
gress upon the basis of a disfranchised con
stituency, and vote that Dakota must stay out.
Under color of a forced interpretation of the
words of a treaty, the plainest commercial
rights are with circumstances of studied out
rage, denied American fishermen by a petty
British province, and a nerveless and pusillani
mous State Department lifts no hand to aid
them or to vindicate American honor.
Can the downfall of a party responsible for
such outrages, be doubtful before an intelligent
public? The reform mask is already worn out
and discloses the hideous features. The people
demand the substance and not the flitting
shadow of reform. They have now learned,'
too, that such reform must come through the,
success of the Republican party which has.
given to this Republic every principle and
every idea of real value which has crystalized.
in the medium of American politics in the last
fifty years.
DRIFT OF OPINION.
Jte^Postmaster-General Dickinson is
nervously prostrated.
1
1 So is the
mail service.Cleveland Leader.
JD^Tlie biggest political machine in
this broad country is the whisky ring
It appears to have a large slice of the
Democratic party by the tail. Atlanta
Constitution (Zem.).
JKlrTo talk of a Democrat being
"bette than his party" is absurd. If
there is such a man, he is no longer a
Democrat, but has become a Repub
lican. Chicago Journal.
JS^*For years and years tho Demo
cratic party of Kentucky has suffered
from a sort of dry rot. Windbags have
been elevated to the rank of states
men.Memphis Avalanche (Zem.)
JJSfThe developments in thelard in
vestigation at Washington bear a close
resemblance in point of general filthi
vxss to the revelations which accom
panw a trial of Democratic tally-sheet
Sorters.St. Lotus Globe-Democrat.
$aP"New quarters have been leased
for the post-office at Washington.
Congress wbnlcl make an appropria
tion for a new office, but the money is
needed for buildings at cross roads in
the South, and Washington citizens
have no votes.Indianapolis Journal.
J3@
assurance of Ben Harrison
that Indiana will east her electoral
ote for the nominee of the National
Republican convention, no matter who
he may be, has the melody of real
music about it. That is the sort oi
talk the country wants to hear from
Indiana this year.Philadelphia Press.
JSSP^The Republican party under
stands perfectly that it has a difficult
task before it to win in the approach
ing political campaign but Democrats
who are counting on weakness and
timidity on the part of Republicans
will find themselves grandly mistaken.
The record shows that the Republican
parly fights best when it is apparently
in a minority. I is then most aggres-,
sive, united and triumphant.Albany
Journal.
JSig^It is a source of great regret tc
Mi\ George William Curtis that Mr.
Cleveland is a Democrat. He is con
stantly endeavoring to prove thai
Cleveland is not very much of a Demo
crata sort of Democratic mugwump.
Mr. Curtis should bear in mind tha i
mugwumps can not nominate anybody
oil elect him. It is to the Democratic
pai ty that Mr. Cleveland must look for
the nomination, however much he
like to bo in perfect accord with
Mr. Greoige William Curtis.Kansas
City Journal.
J&^A leading aspirant for Demo
cratic Presidential nominations, now
dead, called Lincoln a smutty old
tyrant." A prominent journal now
training with the Democracy cartooned
him as leaning drunk against a saloon
bar. A Democratic sheet once called
Grant the blear-eyed thief of the
White House." A leading Democratic
journal of this city to this day refers to
Hayes as a fraud and a thief. Com
pared with these coarse malignities
Mr. Ingallb' definition of Mr. Cle\c
land is as polished and elegant as it is
vigorous. N. Y. Press.
BiS^A Chicago paper complains that
some circulars mailed from its business
office seven weeks ago are just now
being delivered, and thinks the Demo
cratic postmaster ought to do better
than that. As the Chicago paper sup
ported the Democratic President who
the Democratic postmaster,
it should not complain about a little
thing like seven weeks
1 delay in the
delivery of its mail. The resurrected
postmaster doesn't know any better,
probably, and is running things in the
good old Democratic style that pre
vailed "befo1
Pioneer-Press.
the wall."St, Paw
"CLEVELAND'S RECORD.
Accom.
What His Administration Ha
plislied in Three Years.
The six definite enterprises which
constitute the whole book of Mr.,
Cleveland's policy, so far as his Acl
ministration has had a distinctive polij
cy, aie these:
The reform of the civil-service on
the so-called non-partisan or mug
wump plan
The suspension of silver coinage in
order to avert a predicted financial
panic
The negotiation of an extradition
treaty with Great Britain
The settlement of the fishery troubles
by the negotiation of a treaty with
Great Britain
The reduction of the surplus by
means of an extensive reduction of
customs duties retaining the internal
revenue taxes
The Pan-Electric suit to annul the
Bell telephone patents
In every one of these six cases the
result of the undertaking can be re
corded in a single word:
The Administration's Civil-Service
reform policyAbandonment.
The Administration's demand for
the suspension of silver coinageRe?
linquisment.
The Administration's extradition
treatyCollapse.
The Administration's fishery nego-
tiationsSurrender.
The Administration's surplus reduc
tion planRepudiation.
The Administration, Pan-Electric
suitDisgrace.N. Y. Sun {Bern.).
Colonel Ingersoll's View.
Colonel lngcrsoll says he is a Re
publican and wants the Republican,
party to win, as he believes it can doi
this year. The thing for the Repub^
lican party tq do is to unite and har
monize itself. "It is not, he says,
an easy party to keep together. In
telligence will not, as a rule, submit
to the discipline of organization, and'
there is too much intelligence in the.
Republican party to make it possible'
for a leader, for any great length of
time, to remain in power. If the Re
publicans are unitedthat is to say,
all the voters in the country who real
ly prefer Republican to Democratic^
ruleif they all vote together, success
is absolutely certain."Swa Qijiy
2Jfe
$-
Senator Sherm an Answers the Question
to Every Intelligent Voter's Satisfaction
A Pe Words in Praise of the Histori
cal Returning BoardA Dignified He
p'y lo an Attack Made Dy V.est, Mil.
sourl.
WASHINGTON, April 19 Mr. Sherman a
Iressed the Senate yesterday on the bill for
he admission of South Dakota as a State,
ndthe organization of the Territory of
North Dakota. Why, Mr. Sherman asked,
should South Dakota not be admitted?
Simply because the Democratic party did
lot want that State admitted. Dakota
would be kept out until some other Demo
cratic State less entitled, should be at
tached to It and hauled on its skirts.
There was no use, therefore, in wasting ar
gument about it.
Commg down to the discussion Tuesday
between Senators Yest and Edmunds, he
ild an issue had been made relative to the
election of President Hayes, and ought to
be discussed If there was any doubt about
it He undertook to convince Senators by
evidence taken at the time when the events
were fresh that the Eepubhcans were right
1876 He proceeded to give a history of
ohe returning board of Louisiana and of
che two commissions sent thereone
by President Grant, composed of distin
guished men of both side*, and one by the
Democratic National Couunvctee. I had
appeared, according to the vote as actually
cast, that there was a Democratic majority
in Louisiana, but, acting under the laws of
the State, the votes of parishes had been
excluded where there had been fraud and
Violence, and the result of that exclusion
had been a majority favor ol President
Haves If the actual results of the election
in Louisiana had been made known, he be
lieved thei-8 would have been a majority of
from 10,000 to 20,000 favor of Mr.
Hayes. As to the Electoral Commission bill,
no one had resisted it more than he and
Senator Morton, of Indiana. Twenty
six Democrats and twenty-one Eepubhc
ans had voted tor the bill, and fourteen Re
publicans (including himself) and but one
Democrat had voted against it. There had
been the same kind of vote the other
Housa The bill had been supported by the
Democrats as a means by which the de
cision of the returning board of Louisiana
would be overthrown and the people de
prived of the President elected by them in
a legal and constitutional way. The very
description-of the frauds in Louisiana al
most appalled Mr. Sherman, even after the
lapss of so many years.
Recurring to the election of Hayes and
the non-election of Packard, Mr. Sherman
said both had been fairly and legally
elected, and explained the diffeience in
the result by stating that the question of
the Presidential elect on had been decided
by the Electoial Commission, and that of
Gubernatorial election by the Louisiana
Legislature, which, after a contest of two
months had been Democratic The Demo
cratic party had not only by fraud and vio
lence sought to control the Presidential
election, but it had actually succeeded in
depriving of their officss the duly-elected
Governor and members of the Legis'ature.
Then he read extrac's from a speech made
in that State by Senatoi Eustis in which he
declared it to beth determmatioa of the
white men of .Louisiana to solve the race
question without regard to Northern senti
ment, and predicted that the final lesult
would be the overthrow of negro rule and
the establishment of white man's Govern
ment If that, said Mr. Sherman, was the
determination of the white people of
Louisiana the constitution of the United
States would nave to be changed That
constitution declared that a Republican
form ot government should be guaranteed
to every State. When it was said that the
black man should not rule it was said that
the maionty should not nVe.'ior he be
lieved that the blacks weie lii a majority
there, and they had behind them a great
many white Republicans who were among
the highe^f of the people Louisiana
wealth, social standing, and influence
The people oE the South, instead of
seeking to win the colored people by
kmrlnehs (he wished to God they
would, and he did not care how
many votes they got in the process) had
maintained a system of dommesring crime
and violence. Not only dirt the returning
oaid of Louimna have sufficient evidence
before them of fraud and violence and
outrage the election of 1876. but the
present Governor and one ot its Senators
had confessed all, and mora than had ever
been claimed by the returning board. If
ever any body had any doubt the
election of Mr. Hayes, that doubt had been
removed by the admission of the very men
who hid participated the wrong of that
day Louisiana, and hereafter, when any
man asserted of President Hayes that he
had been elected by fraud or wrong, or
had not been duly elected, he (Mr. Sher
man) would hold him in contempt as ut
tering that wLich was not true, and which
was denied by the very men who over hrew
local government in Louisiana in 1876.
Senator Vest (Mo attempted to reply to
Senator Sherman's remarks, and stated that
Casenave and other members of the return
ing board had been rewarded by President
Hayea At the conclusion of his remarks he
asked why the vote which gave the elec
toral vote to Mr Hayes was not good
enough to give 10 Mr. Packard the Gov
ernorship of Louisiana, quoting at the same
time passages from Mr. Sherman's Nash
ville (Tenn.) and Springfield \J1L) speeches.
Mr. Sherman thanked"the Senator for
reading extracts from Mr. Sherman's
speeches. Every word those speeches
he would utter again if opportunity of
fered. Who removed Packard
9 Had Pres-
ident Hayes power to elect Packard to of
fice or to recognize him before the Legis
lature of the State had duly elected him?
President Hayes had no more power over
the returns sent by the returning board to
the Legislature than he had over the Koran
of Mohammed. Packard had never blamed
President Hayes for his course. After the
Democrats had driven him out it
was not in the power of the Presi
dent of the United States to recognize
him without usurpation. Packard was
properly appointed to an office, and de
served a better one. was one of the
best and Durest men Mr. Sherman had ever
met Casenave was an honest and good
man, but poor, and Mr Sherman was wdl
ing to give him $100. "How many broken
down ducks in the Democratic party," he
asked, "have each of you paid to get back
to their homes?" [Laughter.] Anderson,
of the returning board, was also a brave
and true man, and Mr. Sherman wished he
could have appointed him to abetter office.
Making an Ireland of Dakota.
It is amusing to read, from time to time,
in reports of Dsmocratic State conventions,
soul-stirring resolutions favoring the ex
tension of home rule to the people of Ire
land. It ib not a little inconsistent, to say
the least, that the Democracy is so solicit
ous for the liberties of a distant island while
it persistently denies the same liberties tc
its own Territory of Dakota?AT.
Y. Press.
Business in Politics.
The business interests of the United
States elected James A. Garfield President in
1880, and the business forces of the United
States will once more be felt when a Demo
cratic Presidential candidate again comes
before the people. Miluaukee Wisconsin.
A child who had just mastered her
catechism confessed herself disap
pointed, because, she said, "thoug I
obey the fifth commandment and hon
or my papa and mamma, yet my days
are not a bit longer in the land, be
cause I am still put to bed at seven
o'clock."
He was a base-ball player, and he
asked a girl to marry him. "Out on
first," she said, with a cold, rejective
smile. 'Don't flatter yourself,'' he re
plied, ash picked himself up, "it'
"out on third."Critic.
Scintillating with Sarcasm and
F\/ Truth.
5
W%*
%tK ^pf? Neva York Letter.
Chap. Has Malaria goes to Floridistt."
Chap. DL "Overworked goes to Europev.
Chap. IIL Has Rheumatism goes to E2a&.
Chap. TV. Has a row with his Doctor.
I have read a deal of sarcasm in my dap
but I never read anything equal to the sar
casm contained in the above four chaptered
book, written by some anonymous. I sus
pect the experience portrayed is a personal
one the author intimates as much on page
3L Let me give yon a synopsis:
Malaria" as it states, is the cloak with
which superficial physicians cover up a
multitude of ill eehngs which they do not
understand, and do not much care to in
vestigate. I is also a cover for such dis
eases as they can not cure. When they ad
vise their patient to travel or that he has
overworked and needs rest and is probably
suffering from malaria, it is a confession of
ignorance or of inability."
"The patient goes abroad. Th change is
a tonic and for a time he feels better. Comes
home. Fickle appetite, frequent headaches,
severe colds, cramps, sleeplessness, irrita
bility, tired feelings, and general unfitness
for business are succeeded in due time by
alarming attacks of rheumatism which flits
about his body regardless of all human
feelings.
I is muscularin his back. Articular
in his joints. Inflammatory, my I how he
fears it will fly to his heart 1
Now off he goes to the springs. Th
doctor sends him there, of course, to get
well at the same time he does not really
want him to die on his hands!
That would hurt his business I
Better for a few days. Returns. After
a while neuralgia transfixes him.
bloats can not breathe has pneumonia
can not walk can not sleep on his left side
is fretful very nervous and irritable is
pale and flabby has frequent chills and
fevers everything about him seems to go
wrong becomes suspicious musters up
courage and demands to know what is kill
ing him!
"Great heaven!" he cries "why have
you kept me so long in ignorance?"
"Because," said the doctor, I read your
fate five years ago. Tl thought best to keep
you ignorant of the facts."
dismisses his doctor, but too late i Hi
fortune has all gone in fees.
But him, what becomes of him?
The other day a well known Wall Street
banker said tom "it is really astonishing
how prevalent bright's disease is becoming.
Two of my personal friends are now dyi ng
of it. Bu tit is not incurable I am certain,
for my nephew was recently cured when
his physicians said recovery was impossible.
The case seems to me to be a wonderful
one." This gentleman formerly repre
sented his government in a foreign country.
knows, appreciates and declares the
value of that preparation, because his
nephew, who is a son of Danish Vice-Consul
Schmidt, was pronounced incurable when
the remedy, Warner's safe cure, was begun.
Yes," said his father, I was ve ry skep
tical, but since taking that remedy the boy
is well.
I Never Fails.
Durang's Rheumatic Remedy will cure
any case-of rheumatism on earth. It is
taken, internally. Write for free pam
phlet to R. K. HELPHEXSTINE, Druggist,
Washington, D. or ask your druggist
Boston v^ants to erect a monument to
Mother Goose. Why notl Detroit has so
honored a Michigander.
FREE! A 8-foot French Glass, Oval
Front, Nickel or Cherry Cigar Case. MER
CHANTS ONLY. E. W. TAXSILL & Co.,Chicago.
AT all eventsthe prominent citizen
Washington Critic.
IF afflicted with Sore Eyes use Dr. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water.Druggists sell it 25c.
J.HE pickpocket Is no resnecter of nurse
ling.
THE MARKETS.
1
I happen to know What it was that cured
the boy, for Genl. Christiansen, of Drexel,
Morgan & Co's., told me that it was that
'wonderful remedy Warner's safe cure.'
Well, I suspect the hero of the book cured
himself by the same means.
I can not close my notice better than by
quoting the author's advice:
"If, my friend, you have such an experi
ence as I have portrayed, do not put your
trust in physicians to the exclusion of oth
er remedial agencies. They have no monop
oly over disease and I personally know that
many of them would far prefer that their
patients should got Heaven direct from
their powerless hands than that they should
be saved to earth by the use of any un
authorized means."
No better use can be made of the
small potatoes than to cook them for
the hens, and if fed alone they will re
quire no other handling it is only
necessary to mash them when some
thing else is to be fed with them. Po
tatoes make excellent food at this sea
son, and for ducks and geese are su
perior to any thing else.
Woman's Work.
There is no end to the tasks which daily
confront the good housewife. To be a suc
cessful housekeeper, the first requisite is
good health. How can a woman contend
against the trials and worries of house
keeping if she be suffering from those dis
tressing irregularities, ailments and weak
nesses peculiar to her sexl Dr. Pierce's
Favorite Prescription is a specific for these
disorders. The only remedy, sold by drug
gists, under a positive guarantee from the
manufacturers. Satisfaction guaranteed in
every case, or money refunded. See
printed guarantee on bottle wrapper.
A PLAT on words betting and promising
to pay if you lose.
NEW YORK, April 35.
LIVE STOCKCattle $Z 10 6 60
Sheep 3 60 5 91
Hogs 5 60 5 75
FLOURGood to Choice 3 45 4 90
Patents 4 bO (ft 5 00
WHEATNo. 2 Bed 94
No.2 Spring SBH'fo
CORN
OATSNo. 2 White
RYEWestern
PORKMess 14 50
LARDSteam 7 90
CHEESE 12
WOOLDomestic 23
CHHICAGO.
BEEVESShipping steers $4 50
Texans 2 00
COWS 2 25 (& 3 35
2 80
380
3 25
5 75
6 75
23
Stockers 2 45
Butchers'Stock 3 10
Interior Cattle 2 00
HOUSLiveGood to Choice.. 5 35
SHEEP 400
BUTTERCreamery 18
Good to Choice Dairy 15 20
EGGSFiesh 12 a 1214The
BROOM CORN
Self-working
Hurl Crookeri ig 2 S
POTATOES (bu 70 95
PORKMess 13 87'/^14 10
LARDSteam 8 00 8 14
FLOURWinter 3 90 4 s
Spring 3 40 4 20
Patents 400 4 35
GRAINWheat, No. 2 80!4@ 81
Corn. No.2 !3%& 53M
Oats, No. 2 32y3 33
Rye, No. 2 64 6414
Barley, No. 2 77&@ 79
LUMBER-
Common dressed siding 20 00
Flooring 32 00
Common boards ]2 50
Fencing 10 50
Lath 2 00
Shingles 2 10
EAST LIBERTY.'
CATTLE 84 45
Fair to good 420
HOGSYorkers 5 45
Philadelphias 5 65
SHEEPBest 4 80
Common 3 05
BALTIMORE.
CATTLEBest 84 90
Medium* 3 05
HOGS 6 85
SHEEP-Poor to choice 3 00
HIGH ScraimFiC AuTHORrTT.The Jour
nal de Medicine de Parts reports the meeting
of a Society composing some of the most
distinguished physicians in Paris. M.
Duarcuer Beaumets called attention to the
great use of POND'S EXTRACT. After de
scribing experiments, he spoke highly of its
value in treati ng pain, and especially Folea.
used it externally and internally.
HE canned article that goes the quickest
is a dog's tad. Boston Bulletin.
in
Prom the Frying Pan Into the Fire.
The man or woman who seeks* relief from
testines. Not so Hostetter's Stomach Bit
ters, which relieves without pain and per
manently. For disorders of the bver, fever
and ague, nervousness and debility it is also
signally efficacious, and its remedial utility
in kidney affections is well ascertained.
CAN actor knows his lines when they are
oast in pleasant places.iV. ft Picayune.
A General Tie-np
of all the mea ns of public conveyance in a
large city, even for a few hours, during a
strike of the employes, means a general
paralyzing of trade and industry for the
time being, and is attended with an enor
mous aggregate loss to the community.
How much'more serious to the individual is
the general tie-up of his system, known as
constipation, and due to the strike of the
most important organs for more prudent
treatment and better care. If too long neg
lected, a torpid or sluggish liver will pro
duce serious forms of kidney and liver dis
eases, malarial trouble and chronic dys
pepsia, Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Purgative Pel
lets are a preventive and cure of these dis
orders. They are prompt, sure and effective,
pleasant to take, and positively harmless.
mt
THE rising generation in cities is chiefly
made up of mdkmen and hired girls.Bur~
ungton Free Press.
live Coming Comet.
It is fancied by a grateful patron that the
next comet will appear in the form of a huge
bottle, having "Golden Medical Discovery"
inscribed upon it in bold characters.
Whether this conceit and high compliment
will be verified, remains to be seen, but Dr.
Pierce will continue to send forth that won
derful vegetable compound, and potent
eradicator of disease. It has no equal
medicinal and health-giving properties, for
imparting vigor and tone to the liver and
kidneys, in purifying the blood, and through
it cleansing and renewing the whole sys
tem. For scrofulous humors, and consump
tion, or lung scrofula, its early stages, it
is a positive specific. Druggists.
i
"WITH regard to sparking over the front
gate, a good deal can be said on both sides.
Siflings.
POND'S
CT.
iwrrinn r.r,
En LETTERS FROM TH GOVERNORS. Hfe
uu
um,u
It is a well-known fact that Pond's Extract
is used anid recommended by more. distin
guished people than any preparation or remedy
extent.
iiRPf onr fo nmm
In fact, there are distinguished people, who
would not allow their names to be used for
anything else, who make an exception of
Pond's Extract on account of its standard, un
failing, never disputed excellence of hall a
century's standing.
It is used in the household of the President as
well as that of the humblest citizen. Members
of the ai my and,the navy, the Bar and the
Bench, the pulpit and thatfMWMM^all ranks and
classes of peoplehave sent their personal ex*
perience and thanks for the last forty years
until their letters have filled volumes, testify
ing to the wonderful cures effected by Pond's
Extract.
To further illustrate this fact letters were
sent to the present Governors of the different
States in the Union, asking their opinion of
Pond's Extract. I
Strangeno, not strange, but as a matter of!
coursethey all knew, with scarcely an excep
tion, of the excellence of Pond's Extract, and
nearly all used it and recommended it. With
their permission, we will publish, from time to
time, some of these letters:
ftnfs Mlract Company, 2fo. 76 Fifth avenue,
New York City
GEMXEMEN: I have used Pond's Extract in
my family for several years, and have found it
a most desiraDle and valuable lemedy.
Yours truly,
MOODY CURRIER.
U-xecutive Department, the State of New
Hampshire, Concord, N. H., Dec. 3, 1887.
Rnd's Extract Company, No. 76 Mflh avenue.
New Yotk CUv:
GENTS: Thanks for your note of the SOth
tost. It is unnecessary to acquaint me with
the virtue of Pond's Extract. I has been a
valued reliance in our familvfor several years,
especially in relieving the "aches, sprains and
bruises Incident to children. Very truly yours,1
JAMES A. BEAVER.
executive Chamber, HarnsDure, Pa. Nov
30, 1887.
Ibnd's Extract Company, No. 76 lifth aienue,
New York City:
DEARSIR: nav
94^
99 68
41M
73 68
CBl 25
8 44
13
3714
5 50
3 25
n)a
and say that Pond's Extract
use( Pond Extract, and have derivendv greaatr benehjt
and relief therefrom. Tours truly,
_, K. S. GREEN.
Trenton, N. J., Dec. 5, 1887.
Zbnd's Extract Company, No. 76 FL avenue,
lnew York:
GENTLEMEN: On my return home from an
^tended trip East I find your favor of Sept.
14. Permit me to thank you for your courtesy,
haslong
Aad"
inv.
place the medicine Chest of farnlv II
nRRiirp xrnn thot T., "'""J" improvement introduced by them in 1882, now known
assure you that we have found it a ready and as the JIA&ON & HAMLIN PIAKO STRHJCEK." *V,
valuable agent to relieve pain in many cases, I Particulars
and that very promptly. We cannot well
keep house without it. I am, truly yours,
J. C. SMITH,
Lieutenant-Governor State of Illinois.
General Assembly and Senate Chamber, Oct.
10, 1887.
Excellence invites imitation. Beware
worthless imitations of Pond's Extract,
MEMORY
-MAKES-
SUCCESS
'Wholly unlike artificial systems.
Cure of mind tvanderinar.
Any book learned none reading:*
Classes of 108 7 at Baltimore. lOOS at Detroit.
15 atPhiladelpbia, 1150 at Washington, large
classes of Columbia Law students, at Yale Welles.
ley.Oberlin University of Penn Michigan Universi
ty, Chautauqua, &c, &c. Endorsed by RICHARD
PBOCTon.the Scientist.Hons.W. W. ASTOK JUDAH
P. BENJAMIN. Judge GIBSON, Dr BROWN E. H.
COOK. Principal N V. State Normal College &c.
system is perfectly taught by correspondence.
Prospectus POST FREE from PKOF. L01S3BTTJ5.
23T Fifth Ave.. New Vork.
9-XAHE THIS PAPB erelj flme jou write.
FOR STATE MAP AND PAMPHLET,
giving climate, resources and capabilities of the
Golden State,write to or call on C. H. STREET &
CO., successorstoImmigration Association of Cal
ifornia, 415 Montgomery Street, San Francisco.
Mention thispaper and enclose stamp.
FREE
2100
34 00
12 75
13 50
2 10
260
By return mall. Fan description
Moody's NewTailor System of Dress
Cutting. MOODY*CO.,Cincinnati,O.
C3-NA&B THIS PAPSB BTj time jeawin.
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440
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3 *M apmN to trmL Ke*ptU) ot Ulkiagt aHlwrMS, StlMy
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9
5 20
None femrifis tmlen
itamped with the above
nUOBKARK. TKAD8 MARK.
SLICKE._
Ag
5 JACOBS OIT.
FOR POULTRY,
CURBS
Chicken Cholera and all
Diseases of Poultry.
tS-QENERAL DIRECTIONS,Mix a piUef
bread or dough saturated with St. Jacobs 0d. JJ
Vie fowl cannot swalilow force it down the throat.
Mix some corn-meal dough vnth the Oil. Give
nothing else. They vtOl finally eat and be cured.
Sold by Druggists and Dealers Everywhere.
TH E CHARLES A. V0GELER CO.. Baltimore. MA
HAT Oft I
AILS
YOU?
Do you feel dull, languid, low-spirited, life
less, and indescribably miserable, both physi
cally and mentally experience a sense of
fullness or bloating after eating, or of "gone-
ness," or emptiness of stomach in the morn
ing, tongue coated, bitter or bad taste i a
mouth, irregular appetite, dizziness, frequent
headaches, blurred eyesight, "fioatTng-specks"
before the e\es, nervous prostration or ex
haustion, mutability of temper, hot flushes,
alternating with chilly sensations, sharp,
biting, transient pains here and there, cow
feet, drowsiness alter meals, wakefulness, or
disturbed and unrefreshmg sleep, constant
indescribable feeling of dread, or of impend
ing calamity?
If you have all, or any considerable number
or these symptoms, you are suffering from
that most common of American maladies
Bilious Dyspepsia, or Torpid Liver, associated
with Dyspepsia, or Indigestion. The more
complicated your disease has become, the
greater the number and diversity of symp
toms. No matter what stage it has reached.
Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery
vrdl subdue it, it taken according to direc
tions for a reasonable length of time. If not
cured, complications multiply and Consump
tion of the Lungs, Skm Diseases, Heart Disease,
Kheumatism, Kidney Disease, or other grave
maladies are quite liable to set in and, sooner
or later, induce a fatal termination.
Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
covery acts powerfully upon the Liver, and
ttuough that great blood-purifying organ.
cleanses the system of all blood-taints and im
purities, from whatever cause arising. I is
equally efficacious acting upon the Kid
neys, and other excretory organs, cleansing,
stiengthening, and healing their diseases. As
an appetizing, restorative tonic, it promotes
digestion and nutrition, thereby building up
both flesh and strength. I malarial districts,
this wonderful medicine has gained great
celebrity in curing Fever and Ague, Chills and
Fever, Dumb Ague, and kindred diseases.
Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
covery
CURES ALL HUMORS,
from a common Blotch, or Eruption, to the
worst Scrofula. Salt-rheum, "Fever-sores,"
Scaly or Kough Skin, short, all diseases
caused by bad blood are conquered by this
powerful, purifying, and invigorating medi
cine. Great Eating Ulcers rapidly heal under
its benign influence. Especially has it mani
fested its potencySwellings,g in curin Tetter, Eczema,,
Erysipelas, Boils, Caibuncles, Sore Eyes, Scrof-.
8
0
8 *}P
tt"u
Liver,
Hip-jom Disease
'^Vinte8 Swellings," Goitre or Thic Neck
Whit Swelling-s, Goitre or Thic Neck
and GlandsTreatise, Send ten cents
Janiargea uianas. Sena ten cents
Bt,aniPEnlarged
S for a large with colore
,i.j -K plates, on Skin Diseases, or the same amount
for a Treatise on Seiofulous Affect.ons.
"FOR THE BLOOD IS TH E UFE."
Thoroughly cleanse it by vising Dr. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery, and good
digestion, a fair skm, buoyant spwits, vital
Btrength and bodily health will be established.
CONSUMPTION.
which is Scrofula of tho jLnugs, 13 arrested
and cured by this remedy, if taken in the
earlier stages of the disease. Prom its mar
velous power over this terribly fatal disease,
when first offering this now world-tamed rem
edy to the public, Dr. Pierce thought seriously
of calling at his CONSUMPTION CUBE," but
abandoned that name as too restrictive for
a medicine which, from its wonderful com
bination of tonic, or strengthening, alterative,
or blood-cleansing, anti-bilious, pectoral, and
nutntive piopeitic?, is unequaled, not onlv
as a remedy for Consumption, but for all
Chronic Blscascs of the
BSood9 and Lungs.
For Weak Lunjrs, Spitting of Blood, Short
ness of Bieath, luonic Nasal Catarrh, Bron
chitis, Asthma, &c\oie Coughs, and kindred
affections, it is an efficient remedy.
^Soldby^ Druggists, at $1.00, or Six Bottles
T" Send ten cents in stamps for Dr. Pierce'a
book on Consumption. Address,
World's Dispensary Medical Association,
663 Main St* BUFFALO, N.3&
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Warranted no Shoddy
and sold as follows:
SIZES 8 to ID,.
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name is on the bot
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PISO'S CURE FOR CONSUMPTI0N
A.N. K.-Q. 1134
WHEN WHITING O ADVERTISERS
please state that you saw the advertise
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