Dear girls, are you in search of a hus
That is a pumper, and you are not re
quested to say "Yes" out loud, but are
expekted tew throw yure eyes down onto
the earth as tho you was looking for a pin
and reply tew the mterrogatery with a
kind ot draulin sigh.
Not tew press so tender a theme until
it bekums a thorn in the flesh, we will
presume(tew avoid argument) that you are
on the lookout for something in the male
line. Let me give you sum small chunks
ov advice how to spot your future hus
1. The man who is jeallous ov every
little atteDshun which ou get from sum
other fellow yu wud find after yu are
married to him he luvs himself more than
he duz you, and what you mistook for
soliseitude yu will discover has changed
Jellosy isn't a heart diseze, it is a liver
2. A mustash is not h.dispensibie it
is only a little more hair, and is much
like moss and other excressences often
doz the best on sile that won't raise any
thing else. Don't forget that those things
which you admire in a iellow before
marriage you will probably dislike in a
husband after, and a mustach will get to
be a very week diet after a long time.
3. If husbands co'ild be took on trial,
as Irsh cooks are, two-thirds ov them
1 would probably be returned but there
I don't seem to be enny law for this.
Thefore, girls, you will see that after yu
git a man yu have got to keep him, even
if you loz on him. Consequently,
if yu have got enny kold viltles in
the house, try him on them once in
a while during scouring' season, and if he
swallers them well, and sez he will take
sum more, he iz a man who, when blue
Monday cums, will wash well.
4. Don't marry a pheller who is alwus
tellin how his mother doz things. It iz
too hard to ween a a yung one.
5. If a young man can beat yu play
ing on a pianner and kant hear a fish
horn playing on the street with
out turning a summersault on account of
-he music that is in him, I say leave him
he might answer to tend babe, and if yu
.set him hoeing out the garden, you will
find that you have got to do it yourself.
A man whoze whole heft lies in musick
(and not too hefty at that) ain't no better
than a seedlitz powder but if he luvs to
'jsten while yu sing sum gentle ballad,
yu -will find him mellow and not soft.
But don't marry enny body for just one
virtew eony quicker than you would flop
man for jist one fault.
fi. It is one of the most tuffest things
or a female to be an old maidsuccessful-
y. A great many has tried it and made
i bad job of it, and had a hard time.
3very body seems to look upon old maids
ist as they do UDon dried heibs in the
,arrethandy for sicknessand there
fore, giils, it ain't a mistake that you shud
e willing to swop oph with some true
farted phellow for a husband. The swop
a good one but don't swop for any
lan who is respectable jist because his
ither is. You had better be an old maid
4,000 years, and then join the Shakers,
ian tew buy repentaece at this price.
o woman ever made this trade who
dn't get cither a phool, a mean cus, or
3lown, for a husband.
7. In digging down into this subject 1
'id the digging goes harder the further
zet. It is much easier to inform yu
not to take, for the reason there is
don't think you will foller my advice
I give it, and therefore I will keep it,
I look upon advice as I do oastor-ile
a mean dose to take and a meam dose
give. But I must say one thing, girls
spile. If you can find a bright-eyed,
':11 balusted boy who looks upon pov
az sassy az a child looks upon riches
who had rather sit down upon the
rbstone in front of the Fifth Avenue
"te and eat a ham sandwich, then go
ride and run in debt for his dinner and
thpickand who is a man with a sort
pluck that mistakes a defeat for victory
advice is to take him body and soul
re him at onst, for he is a stray trout,
reed very skaise in our waters.
'ake him, I say, build onto him as
i^nets build on a tree.
A I'ractocal Joke.
German journal gives the following
mnt of the disagreeable consequences
nding a practical joke: A young
Lent of the university of Prague, Baron
,^JUrlcs di Klaversburg, when on his way
'Vienna, toward the end of last month,
Spped for the night at the Black Eagle
jtel, in the small town of Aretstadt,
ar Banzlau, in Bohemia. Having been
guested by the landlord to inscribe his
me in the traveler's register, the young
itl eman had the impudence to write
il column headed, "Object of the
irney," the words "to blow out his
itins." The landlord, without reading
lit the baron had written, sent the
to the burgomaster in the even
in conformity with the police regu-
IQUS. About ten o'clock, as the travel
had gone t bed, a soldier entered his
rn drew his sabre, and sat down on a
lir by the bedside.
3n the baron asking the reason of this
rusion, the soldier replied, I am sent
keep watch over you, and shall be re
.ced in two hours by one of my com
le/s, who will be succeeded by others
ten o'clock in the morning when vou
I be taken to Banzlau." As the sol-
,r had said, the young baron was next
srning put into a carriage and taken to
zlau, where, by order of the director
the police, he was examined by two
ysicians, who declared that he was not
ane. He was, nevertheless, constantly
(tched by sentinels, one ot whom, in
,ww to his inquiry why he was thus
ited as a criminal, replied, Because
declared your intention to kill your
and his magnificence, the burgomas
has forbidden suicide under any pre
whatever." It spite'of all the baron
Id say in explanation of his ioke, he
5 detained in close custody, and in due
brought to trial on the charge of
U'ng what was immoral in a public reg
jr. The tribunal declared the offense
established, and condemned the ac
id to a month's imprisonment, a fine
00 florins (about 20), with all the
ense3 attending arrest, custody and
In Fort Wayne, Indiana, 8,000 have
signed the pledge, and the revival is still
Thirty-five counties voted in favor of
Ihe Local Option law at the recent election
The Murphy Temperance movement
has heen inaugurated in Salt Lake City,
and hundreds have signed the pledge.
The Life Boat is the name of a new
Temperance quarto-monthly, edited and
published by Rouzer & Mowry, Dayton,
Ohio. The first number sparkles with
It is estimated that our city receives
from license fees $300,000, and pays for
paupeiism and crime $7,000,000. The
enfoicement of the License laws would
greatly reduce this last sum.
The National Temperance Society an
nounces a neat pamphlet edition of the
address on the Wine Question," recent
ly delivered in Cooper Institute by the
editor of The Christian Advocate. Price,
ten cents. Address J. N. Stearns, 58
Reade Street. N. Y.
Mr. P. T. Barnum last week caused
quite a sensation in Bridgeport, Conn.,
by asserting during a speech on Temper
ance that the assessors had raised the
tax lists of certain property owners solely
because they were temperance men. He
said he knew from personal experience
that this charge was true."
"I made $10,000 by rum-selling in five
years," said a well-known resident of
Schuyler County, a reformed liquor seller,
at a Maxwell meeting a few nights ago.
"During the past five months I have
returned that, and $5,000 besides, to the
families of men I know were wronged by
the place I kept. In helping to forward
the Murphy cause I will use all I have if
What does Satan pay you for drink-
ing?" asked one gentleman of another.
He don't pay me anything?" was the re
ply. "Well you work cheap to lay
aside the character of gentleman to in
flict so much pain on your friends and
civil people to suffer and lastly, to risk
losing your own precious souland all
for nothing! You certainly do work
ceapvery cheap, indeed!"
"I have been counsel in twelve murder
cases," said Ex-Congressman Horace
Bemus, of Hornellsville, at a meeting on
Thursday night. "In every case rum was
at the bottom of the crime. I bought
supper for a man to-night who was worth
$50,000 eight years ago. His wife was
a judge's daughter. She is in a pauper
asylum for the insane to-day. Every dol
lar of the $50,000 went for rum.
Dr. Willard Parker, in a recent lecture
in this city, made a notable statement
"Alchol,'' he said, "is generally regarded
as a stimulant, but it is not. It is simply
an irrirant, like a grain of sand in the
eye. It may act as a stimulant in this
way, but only by overtasking the nervous
system and proving a waste instead of a
help in the end. We commend the state
ment of this eminent physician to the at
tention of certain pretentious physicians
who have advanced a contrary opinion.
It is said that Prince GortschakofF, the
Russian Premier, never uses wine or to
bacco, and that he is vigorous at the age
of seventy-eight. Dr. Cuyler said re
cently, that he had preached for thrity
years and had only lost two sabbaths
during that time by ill health. He at
tributed this to having kept these rules:
Use no stimulants, take abundant sleep,
never touch a sermon on Saturday night.
Edgar Allan Poe was a drunkard, and
died at thrity-eight. Lord Byron was a
drunkard, and died at thirty-six
To quote Napoleon, Christ's greatest
miracle undoubtedly is the regin of char-
ity." There is no sin, no wrong inhuman
nature, or in human life, but tl love of
the Christ has shown its power to uproot,
subdue, and overthrow. And this, not by
force, which is unequal to it nor by fear,
to which some are not susceptible nor by
exhortations to prudence,which many will
disregard nor by abstract ideas of virtue,
which only a few appreciate but by the
controlling and elevating power of a new
love, capable of coming to ail,which swal
lows up all lesser attractions, as the sun
puts out the stars.W. J. Savage.
We find in the Troy Times a graphic
report of the new Temperance Reform
movement in progress in Western New
York We quote: One of the first con
verts of Francis Murphy in the southern
tier was William H. Maxwell, of the El
mira Advertisei. "I was drunk thirty
years," says Max ell, in one of* his tem
perance lectures, I had the delirium
tremens six times and been in a county
jail in every State in the Union but six:
for drunkenness." Since his reformation
he lias lectured almost every night, and
reclaimed over 8,000 drinking men in
this region. It was through his efforts
that not a drunken man was seen in
Hornellsville at the time of the Erie
strike. His lectures are the wittiest,
most eloquent, and effective of any of the
Murphy speakers in this part of the
The following is an extract from one of
tho lectures of J. J. Talbot, who died late
ly at Elkhart, Ind., from the effects of a
But now the struggle is over, I can
survey the field and measure the losses.
I had positson, high and holy. The
demon tore from around me the robes
ot my sacred office, and sent me forth
churchless and Godless, a very hissing
and byword among men. Afteward I had
business large and lucrative, and my voice
in all large courts was heard pleading tor
justice, mercy, and the right. But the
dust gathered on my open books, and no
footfall crossed the threshold of a drunk
ard's office. I had moneys ample for all
necessities, but they tooK wings and went
to feed the coffers of the devils which
I had a home, adorned with all that
wealth and the most exquisite taste could
suggest. The devil crossed its threshold,
and the light faded from its chambers
the fire went out on the holiest of alters,
and, leading me from its portals, despair
walked forth with me, and sorrow and an
guish lingered within. I had children,
beautifulto me, at leastas a dream of
the morning, and they had so entwined
themselves around, their father's heart,
that no matter where it might wander it
ever it came back to them on the bright
wings of a father's undying love. His
destroyer took their hands in his and led
them away. I had a wife whose charms
of mind and person were such that to see
her was to remember, and to know her
was to love For thirteen years we
walked the rugged path of life together,
rejoicing in its sunshine and sorrowing in
its shade. The infernal monster would
not spare me even this. I had a mother
who tor long, long years had n? left her
chair, a victim of suffering and disease
and her choicest delight was in reflection
that the lessons which she had taught at
her knee had taken roof in the heart of
her youngest born, and that he wa9 use
ful to bis fellows and an honor to her who
But the thunder-bolt reached even
there, and there it did its most cruel
work. Other days may cure all but this.
Ah! me never a word of reproval from
her lips only a tender caress, only a
shadow of a great unspoken grief gather
ing over the dear old face only a tremb
ling hand laid more lovingly on my
hand, only a closer clinging to the cross,
only a piteous appeal to heaven if her
cup at last were not full. And while her
boy raved in his wild delirum two thous
and miles away, the pitying angels
pushed the golden gates ajar and the
mother of tbe drunkard entered into rest.
And thus 1 stand, a clergyman without
a cure, a bairister without"brief or busi
ness, a father without a child, a husoand
without a wife, a son without a p-irent, a
man with scarcely a friend, a soul with
out hopeall swallowed up in the mael
strom of drink."
After the Storm.
All night, in the pauses of sleep, I heard
The moan of the snow-wind and the faea.
Like tfre wail of Thy sorrowing children, O
Who cry unto Thee.
But in beauty and silence in the morning
O'erflowingcreation the glad light stream
And earth stood shining and white as the
Of the blessed redeemed.
Oh, glorious marvel darkness wrought!
With smiles of promise the blue sky bent,
As if to whisper to all who mourn
Love's hidden intent.
A Petrified Papoose.
There recently came into Washington,
without company of kith or kin, an In
dian papoose, of the Arspahoc tribe. He
is a little fellow and is petrified, and, has
been set in state in the Smithson
ian. He was found in a wild lonely mount
ain gulch in Dakota, in a hollow tree, in
which were also conveniently placed
knife and food in the gripsack for use,
until his spirit should reach the happy
hanting-grounds. His face is painted
red streaks, and his garments are fine and
gaudy. A rare Arapahoe blanket, made
by hand by the tribe, and which would
bring fabulous prices among connoisseurs
was wrapped about the little fellow in his
pine-tree cradle. He is a very small
wanderer from his Western camp-fire,
and looks lonely 'enough peeping from
his glass ca at the living throng of pale
faces and the ghastly multitude of skele
tons that rear their wire-tied bones in the
great museum hall. He probably does
not enjoy his visit to civilization as much
as he would if he conld walk the streets,
surrounded by a crowd of yelling gamins
and crowding nurse-girls if he could
take one squint at the shop-windows, or
visit the big east-room of the Great Fath
er see the steam street-car that now rolls
down the avenue without the aid of
hoises, or watch the yellow lights blaze
out at nightfall like summer fire-flies,
swarming over the marshy city of tbe
nation's capitalit would be jollier for
him, but not for us. For dirty live In
dians we can see nearly every day, but
not a grand frozen little warrior like this.
Washington Cor. Chicago Times,
A lamp Man.
Cheek! Why, that's no name for it. He
was an itinerant vender ot lamp-burners,
this one, and he generally gained his end
when ever permitted to enter a house.
Yesterday, while traveling about the city,
he wandered into a house in the southern
part of the town where sorrow evidently
reigned. The lamp man, finding the door
open, walked light in, and there found a
poor woman in tears, with a friend or two
trying to console her for the loss of her
husband, who lay dead in the same
"Can't I sell you my new patent lamp
burner, ma'm?" said the render.
"No, sir," replied the woman, between
her sobs, "I don't wish anything of the
"Please let me explain its beauties,
ma'am," he said, "and I am sure you'll
take one. You see this"
But I don't want it, sir." she said "I
wish you would go away. Don't you see
my poor dear husband lying there?
Leave me with my sorrows."
O, yes'm, I sympathize deeply with
you, ma'am. Excuse me. I can't keep
back these tears. O, ma'am, if you only
knew what a consolation these patent
lamp-burners of mine are, on such occa
sions as these, you would not be without
one a single minute. Why, ma'am, mit
one of these in his hand and it would
light him through all the darkness he has
to pass through without any trouble, and
when you come to die he could hold the
lamp ior you when you go to ascend the
And that precious scoundrel kept on in
that strian until he had sold half-a-dozen
to every female in the room. Cheek!
O, no!Louisville Commercial.
Caused by Cosmetics.
One cause of acquired deformity is the
slow poisoning of the system by certain
metallic poisons. Chief among these are
the salts of lead, and one of the most
characteristic deformities, produced in
consequence of poisoning by these salts,
is what is commonly known as "wrist-
drop," caused by the use of villainous
cosmetics. The use of cosmetics has
within a few years become so very com
mon, even among the better class of so
ciety, and as most, if not all of them, are
equally dangerous to use as the particu
lar one described in this report, I have
deemed it my duty to place these cases
before the profession, that, knowing their
injurious effects, they may guard their
patients against thus voluntarily poison
ing themselves through ignorance. This
deformity, incompletely developed, can
be seen every day upon the streets of this
city, for there is many a fashionable lady
who suffers from it in consequence of her
own folly. Her hands are held in a pe
culiar, yet fashionable position, a sort
of kangaroo style, and many of them fan
cy that they are i oitating the fashion ad
mirably, while they are simply obliged
to carry their hands in this position, be
cause the extensor muscles are not strong
enough to hold them up. The polish
they put on their faces has manifested it
selt in producing partial paralysis of the
forearm, and the fashion has been intro
duced to accommodate the deformity.
A Zoofr Into the Grave.
1 look, through tears, into the dust to find
What manner of rest man's only rest may be.
The darkness rises up and smites me blind.
The darknessis there nothing more to see
O, afterflood,andfire,and famine, and
The hallow watches we are made to keep,
In our forcid marches over sea and land
I wish we had a sweeter place to sleep!
Mrs. Piatt, in Appleion's Journal.
The Intrepid Mother.
A. Traveler's Tale.
The diligence from Paris to Chalons
stopped one evening, just after daik,
some miles beyond the little town ot*
Rouviay. to set down an English lady and
her child at a lonely roadside auberge.
Mrs Martin expected to find a carnage
ready to take her to the Chateau de Sen
art, a distance of some leagues, whither
she was repairing on a visit, but was told
that it had not yet arrived. The land
lady, a tall, coaise looking woman, who
showed her into the vast hall that served
at once as a sitting-room and kitchen,
observed that the roads were so muddy
and difficult at night that there was little
chance of her friend arriving before the
morning. You had better, therefore,"
she said, make up your mind to sleep
here. We have a good room to offer you,
and you will be much more comfortable
between a pair of clean, warm sheets
than knocking abount in our rough
country, especially as your dear child
Mrs, Martain, though much fatigued
by her journey, hesitated. A good night's
rest was certainly a tempting prospect
but she felt confident that her friends
would not neglect her, that, after a mo
ment, she replied, I thank you, mad
ame I will sit up for an hour or so it is
not late, and the carriage may come, after
all. Should it not, I shall be glad of
your room, which you may prepare for
me at any rate."
The hostess, who seemed anxious that
her guest should not remain in the great
room, suggested that afire might be made
above but Mrs. Martin found herself so
comfortable wheie she wasa pile of fag
gots was blazing on the vast hearththat
she declined atfirstto move. Her daugh
ter about five years of age, soon went to
sleep in her lap, and she herself found that fftUcesa'n8d
whilst her ears were anxiously listening
to the carriage-wheels, her eyes accasion
ally closed, and slumber began to make its
In order to prevent herself from giving
way, she endeavored to direct her atten
tion to the objects around her. The apart
ment was vast, and lighted more by the
glare of the fire than by the dirty candle,
stuck into a filthy tin candlestick that
stood on enc of the long tables. Two or
three huge beams stretched across half
way up the walls, leaving a space filled
with flitting shadows above. From these
depended a rusty gun or two, a sword,
several bags, hanks of onions, cooking
utensils, &c. There were very few signs
that the house was much visited, though
a pile oi empty wine bottles lay in one
corner. The landlady sat at some distance
from the fireplace with her two sons, who
laid their heads together and talked in
Mrs Martin began to feel uneasy. The
idea entered her mind that she had fallen
into a resort of robbers and the words
"C'*Wte," (it is she), which was all she
heard of the whispered conversation, con
tinued to alarm her. The door leading
into the road was left ajar, and for a
moment she felt an inclination to start up
and escape on foot. But she was far from
any other habitation, and if the people of
the hous really entertained any evil de
signs, her attempt would only precipitate
the catastrophe. So she resolved on
patience, but listened attentively for the
approach of her friends. All she heard,
however, was the whistling of the wind
and the dashing of the rain, whicn had
begun to fall just after her arrival.
About two hours passed in this uncom
fortable way. At length the door was
thrust open, and a man, dripping wet,
came in. She breathed more freely, for
this new-comer might frustrate the evil
designs of her hosts, if they entertained
any. He was a red-haired, jovial-faced
looking man, and inspired her with con
fidence by the frankness of his manners.
"A fine night for walking 1" cried he,
shaking himself like a dog who has
scrambled out of a pond. "What have
you to give me? I am wet to the skin.
Hope I disturb nobody. Give me a bot
tle of wine."
The hostess, in a surly, sleepy tone,
told her eldeat son to serve the gentleman,
and then addressing Mrs. Martin, said:
"You see your friends will not come,
and you are keeping us up to no purpose.
You had better go to bed."
"I will wait a little longer," was the re
ply, which elicited a kind of shrug of
The red-haired man finished off his
bottle of wine, and then said
"Show me a room, good woman. I
shall sleep here to-night."
Mrs. Martin thought that as he pro
nounced these words he cast a protecting
glance towards her, and she felt less re
pugnance at the idea of passing the night
in that house. When, therefore, the red
heired man, after a polite bow, went up
stairs, she said that as her friends had not
arrived they might as well show her to a
"I thought it would come to that at
last," said the landlady. "Pierre, take
the lady's trunks up stairs."
In a few minutes Mrs. Martin found
herself alone in a spacious room, with
a large fire burning on the hearth. Her
first care after putting the child to bed
was to examine the door. It closed only
by a latch. There was no bolt inside.
She looked round for something to bar
ricade it with, and perceived a chest of
drawers. Fear gave her strength. She
lifted, half pushed it against the door.
Not content with this, she seized a table,
to increase the strength of her defence.
The leg was broken, and when she touch
ed it it fell with a crash to the floor. A
long echo went sounding through the
house, and she felt her heart sink within The dreadfnl
her. But the echo died away, and no silent
one came so she piled the fragments of uvfrii
the table upon the chest of drawers ma TwS
E.fefied in this directionThe Bed"befaS
proceeded to examine th win,*,,, I*?*0 proceeded to examine the windows Tbt
were all well protected with iron bars,
rhe walls were papered, and, after care
tui examination, beemed to contain no
signs of a secret door.
Mr3. Martin now sank down into a
chair to reflect en her position. As was
natural, after having taken all these pre
cautions, the idea suggested itself that
tfrey might be superfluous, and she smiled
at the thought of what her friends would
say when she related to them the terrors
of the night. Her child was sleeping
tranqu lly, its rosy chocks half buried ii
the pillow. The fire had blazed up into
a bright flame, whilst the unsnuffed can
dle burned dimly. The r3om was full of
pale trembling shadows, but she had no
superstitious fears. Something positive
could alone raise her alarm. She listen
ed attentively, but could hear nothing
but the howung ot the wind over the
roof, and tbe petering of the rain against
the window-panes. As her excitement
diminished, the fatiguewhich had been
forgottenbegan again to make itself
lelt, and she resolved to undress and eo
The oosition was an awful one and
probably, had she beeen8 able to direct her
attention to the surrounding circum
stances she might have given way her
^deavored to raise theto house
by screams. The fire on the hearthun
aitenied tohad fallen abroad, and now
gave only a dull, sullen light, with an
occasional blight gleam. Every object
in the vast apartment showed dimly and
uncertainly, and seemed endowed with
a restless motion. Now and then a
mouse advanced stealthily along the floor,
but, startled by some movement under
the bed, went scouring back into its hole.
The child breathed steadily in its uncon
scious repose the mother endeav
ored also to intimate slumber, but the
man undev the bed, uneasy in his posi
tion, could not avoid occasionally mak
ing a slight noise.
Mrs Martin was occupied only with
two ideas. First, she reflected on the ex
traordinary delusion by which she had
been led to see enemies in the people of
the house and a friend in this red-haired
man and, secondly, it struck her that as
he could fear no resistance from a woman
he might push aside the chaiis that were
in the way, regardless of the noise, and
thus avoid the snare that was laid for
him. Once even she thought, while her
attention was strongly directed to one Vo I
spot he had made hfsLSW ?}^^el spot, he had made his exit,iand was?lean
ing over her but she was deceived by a
flickering shadow on the opposite wall.
In reality there was no danger that he
would compromise the success of his
sanguinary enterprise the shrieks of a
victim put on his guard, might alarm
Have you ever stood, hour after hour,
with your fiishing-rod in hand, waiting
with the ferocious patience of an angler
for a nibble? If'you have, you have
some faint idea of the state of mind in
which Mrs. Martinwith far other inter
ests at stakepassed the time, until an
old clock on the chimney-piece told one
hour after midnight. Another source of
anxiety presented itselfthe fire had
neaily burnt out. Her dizzy eyes could
scarcely see the floor, as she bent with
fearful attention over the head of the bed
the terrible noose hanging, ilke the
sword of Damocles, above the gloomy
aperture, "What,"she thought, "if he
delays his appearance until the night has
completely died away? Will it not then
be impossible for me"to adjust the scarf
to do the deedto kill this assassin
to save myself and my child? O, God!
deliver him into my hands 1"
A cautious movement belowthe drag
ging ot hands and knees along the floor
a heavy,suppressed breathingannounced
that the supreme moment was near at
hand. Her white arms were bared to the
shoulder her hair fell wildly around her
face, like the mane of a lioness about to
leap upon its prey the distended orbits
ot her eyes glared down upon the spot
where the question of life or death was to
be soon decided. Time seemed immeas
urably lengthened outevery second
assumed the proportions of an hour. But
at last, just as all lines and forms be*a
to float bgfore her Bight through an indis
tinct medium of blended light and dark
ness, a black mass interposed between
her eyes and the floor. Suspense being
over, the time of action having arrived,
every thing seemed to pass with magical
rapidity. The robber thrust his head
cautiously forward, Mrs. Martia bent
There was a half-choked crythe
sound of a knife falling on the floora
convulsive struggle. Pull! pull! pull!
Mrs. Martin heard nothingsaw nothing
but the scarf passing over the head of the
bed between her two naked feet. She
had half thrown herself back, and, hold
ing her scarf with both hands, pulled
with desperate energy for her life. The
conflict had begun and one of the other
must perish. The robber was a power
iul man, and made furious efforts lo get
loose but in vain. Not a sound escaped
from his lipsnot a sound from hers.
Her heart leaped into her throat. For
a moment she seemed perfectly paralyzed.
She had undressed and put out the can
dle, when she accidently dropped her
watch. Stooping to pick it up, her eyes
involuntarily glanced towards the bed.
A great mass of red hair, a hand, and a
gleaming knife, were revealed by the
light of the fire. After the first moment
ut terrible alarm, her pesence of mind re
turned. She felt tfrat she had herself cut
off all means oi escape by the door, and
was lelt entirely to her own resources.
Without uttering a cry, but trembling in
every limb, the poor woman got into bed
by the side of her child. An ideaa
planhad suggested itself. It had flash
ed through her brain like lighning. It
was the only chance left.
Her bed was disposed that the robber
could only get out from beneath it by a
narrow aperture at the head without
making a noise and it -was probable
that he would choose, from prudence, this
means of exit. There were no curtains
in the way, so Mrs. Martain, with terrible
decision and noiseless energy, made a
running knot in her siik scarf, and held
it poised over the aperture by which her
entmy was to make his appearance. She
had resolved to strangle him in defence
of her own life and that of her child.
mAi. e V'cried ayoung*-
of the auber^ ni
Has my mother arrived?"riht
iJv lady, who seemed quite eoad-natured
after her mghfs rest. "There is T&
up stairs waiting for some friends: bat
she does not speak French easily and
seemed unwilling to talk. We could
scarcely persuade her to go to bed."
Show me tbe room cried Arthur
running into the house.
They soon arrived by the door
"Mother! mother!" cried he, but re
ceived no answer.
The door is only latched, for we have
no robbers in this part of the country
said the landlay.
But a formidable obstacle opposed
their entrarcc. They became alarmed,
especially when they heard the shrieks of
the little girl, and burst open the door.
Ihe first object that presented itself
was the face of the robber, violently un
turned from beneath the bed, and with
protruding tongue and eyeballs the next
was the form of Mrs. Martin in the posi
tion which we left her. She was still
pulling with both hands at the scarf, and
glaring wildly towards the head of the
bed. The child had thrown its arms
around her neck, and was crying but she
paid no attention. The terror of that
dreadful night had driven her inad.
A luckless wight from dungeon gate
Peered forth. His glance all hope had fled.
He sighed and cursed his wretched fate.
Said he:. I stole a loaf of bread."
A wealthy man went riding by,
With coachman, footman and postilion
A merry twinkle in his eye.
Aha," quoth he," I stole a million."
George Catlin, Ar.
"Would you like to have some candy,
grandma?" "Yes, my boy where is it?"
"Why, if you will buy me ten cents'
worth, I will give you half."
Hearing that Mr. G. F. Train now lives
on a piece ot dried apple a day, the Buf
falo Express inquires with intense feeling
"Are our dried apples to be wasted in
A one of the schools in Cornwall, Eng
land, the inspector asked the children if
they could quote any text of Scripture
which forbade a man having two wives.
One of tbe children sagely quoted in re
ply the text, "No man can serve two
A poetess weighing one hundred and
sixty pounds yearns to twitter as a bird
on some lone spray." When she gets on
a spray and begins to twitter there is
going to be an item for the local paper,
unless the spray is as thick as an under
ground gas pipe.Norristown Herald.
After the rain one evening a Somer
set woman found her husband on his
hands and knees in the back yard trying
to crawl through a puddle. In tones ot
anguish she asked him what he was doing
there. "Sh!" he said, "the d'rect cable
is broke, an' (hie) I'm grapplin' for it."
New Y&rk Herald.
Whatever you do, never set up for a
critic. We do not mean a newspaper
one, but in privite life in the domestic
circle it will do you harmif you object
to being called disagreeable. If you
don't like any one's nose, or object to
any one's chin, don't put your feelings
into words. If any one's manners don't
please, remember your own.
Mackey, the California millionnaire,
came to this country a poor Irish boy.
Stewart, the New York millionnairestrS"e,r cam
to this country a poor Irish boyt. W
might give other illustrations,^but these
tw are sufiicin sho that our strug-
take by not coming to this country poor
Irish boys.Norristown Herald.
People are not all made to suit one
taste, recollect that. Take things as you
find tham, unless you can alter them.
Even a dinner that is swallowed cannot
be made any better. Continual fault
finding, continual criticism of the conduct
of this one and the speech of that one.the
dress of the other and the opinion of an
other, will make home the unhappiest
place under the sun.
"What is your religion, my friend?"
asked a clergyman of a tramp with a cal
cium nose. "Me? I belong to the Noth
inarian demonination." "Indeed! I never
heard of that sect. What are its tenets?"
earnestly inquired the parson. "Why,
we believe, ye see, thutwe believe thut
wallwe believe thut whutever hez
happened wuz to be, whether it comes to
pass or not."
Two religious shepherds,as they appear
to a deck-hand on a Brooklyn ferryboat,
may be seen in this word-picture: ""You
know Talmage, the dominie, don't you?
Well, he's a curiosity. He always sidles
on to the boat, and acts kinder modest
like till he meets some one he knows, and
then he talks so the whole cabin can hear
him. He's a very nice talker, but he
tries to be funny, you know. Beecher is
another talker. Every one knows him,
and he keeps his head bobbing till he
gets through the cabin. He generally
stivers straight through, and if he has
any women folks along they have to find
their own way. When he, gets outside
he talks. Generally somebody speaks to
him, and then he leans back against the
rail and talks."
TJie Routed lawyer.
Jack Holmes, a man about-town, living
no one knew how, was under cross-exam
ination by a certain sergeant-at-law, who
knew his man too well. Now, sir," said
the learned gentleman, "tell the jury how
"Well," said Holmes, '-a chop or a
steak, and on Sundays perhaps a little bit
of fish I am a very plain-living man."
"You know what I mean, sir," thunder
ed the questioner. "What do yon do for
"The same as you, sergeant," said the
witness, tapping his forehead suggestive
ly "and when that fails, I do"going
through the pantomime of writing across
his hand"a little bit of stuffthe same
as you again."
"My lud, I shall not ask this obtuse
witness any more questions," said the
"Brother," said Baron Martin, "I think
you had better not."
y\ i. "araa-
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