Newspaper Page Text
Items of Interest.
A steak-holderThe gridiron.
A righting bookThe dictionary.
Net cashThe fisherman's proceeds.
Sharp practiceDissecting a subject.
Fish expressed it not implied C. O.
What beats a good wife? A bad hus
How to get a long weftHave it dug
Molasses candy would taste just as
sweet by any other name.
There are over 1,650 convicts in the
Sing Sing (1ST. Y.) prison.
A female gate-keeper has been remov
ed for deadheading her sweetheart. She
never tolled her love.
The man who invented the firei moni
tor has now invented a torpedo to blow
her up. Few men are so consistent.
The arrival of a hand-organ man is the
last pleasing sensation in the Black
Hills. He reminds the boys of home
and old times.
It seems hard, says the Cincinnati
Breakfast Table, to discover a great man
who has not at some time worked in a
Now digs the boy the garden plot
With energy intense,
Until he bags a tribe of worms,
And then he skips the fence.
A man who is uncertain about using
the term bicycle speaks of them
"those tilings, you know, that they
and look into second-story
The German emperor keeps a diary of
everything he shoots. In 1819 his gun
was discharged by accident, and ne had
to enter up, "Forefinger right hand."
"Slowtown!" shouted the brakeman,
as the train slowed up to the station.
"Five years for refreshments!" yelled
a passenger who said his son had grown
up since the train started.
"What did the prisoner first strike you
for?" casually asked the judge of the
complainant with a bandage over his
eye. "He first struck me for a five dol
lar bill, your honor," was the feeling re-
"Sales by candle" was the method of
sale during the seventeenth century. A
wax candle, about an inch in length, was
set on the edge of a knile, and he that
bid most before the candle was out, was
When you put your pen-holder behind
your ear be sure that you have the pen
to the front. Ideas ot great profundity
are sometimes banished hopelessly f'-om
the mind by failing to observe this rule.
Robinson's show elephant got so riled
at having t cross a North Carolina river
in a ferry-boat lately that he picked up
a colored boy, who aided to drive him on
the boat, and squeezed him to death with
Thfre are in this country about 700
carpet-making establisments, and they
represent a permanent investment of
$13,000,000. Tne annual production of
carpets, with a good market, is in the
vicinity of $24,000,000.
In 1877 there were 2,999,677 electors
in Great Britain and Ireland, or more
than one in twelve of the population.
There are about nine million qualified
voters in the United States, or one in
every five of the population.
It is estimated that the use of the
Moffat bell-punch in New York City, by
a simple tax of two and one-half cents on
alcoholic drinks, and one-half a cent on
cider, ale and beer, would yield the treas-
$12,000,000 per annum.
it's all very well to talk about economy,
but the difficulty is to get anything to
economize. The little baby who puts
his toes in his mouth is almost the only
person who in these hard times manages
to make both ends meet.
According to the statistics of Secretary
Porter, of the International Sunday-school
convention, there are 6,504,054 scholars
in the Sunday schools of the United
States, and 339,943 in those of Canada.
The whole number of schools is 83,441,
and of teachers and officers, 894,793.
The Samoan Islands are the great co
coanut-producing islands of the globe.
The inhabited ones are nine in number,
and have a population of 35,000. One
German firm, dealing in the staples of
those islands, does a business of $5,000,-
000 a year. Pago-Pago is the harbor
which the United States have lately
A poor woman in Denmark, the wife
of a laborer, past fitty, observing a few
month ago three children who had fallen
through the ice on a lake, rushed into the
water, and at the imminent peril ot her
own life rescued the children. The
King decided that this act of bravery
should not pass unrewarded. The woman
was sent up to town from the ceuntry: a
room was prepared for her in the royal
palace, where she stayed a couple of
days to see the sights of Copenhagen,
and she received from the hands of the
King, in the presence of the royal -fam
ily, the medal and ribbon for civil acts
ot bravery, being the first woman in
Denmark who has received this honor.
The King secured a place for her and
her family in the Royal Theater, where
she was the observed of all observers.
Of any more substantial compensation
for her act of bravery there is no record.
A shoit time after the ship Ilio quitted
Callao, Peru, the captain discovered two
stowaways on board and put them in
irons. During the following night a
Chilian, who had hung his hammock in
the quarter of the ship where the prison
ers were, accused one of them of having
stolen his food. The accused explained
that this was impossible, as his chain pre
vented his reaching it, whereupon the
monster of a Chilian struck him down,
and deliberately proceeded to cut off his
head and throw it into the water. He
then wished to despatch the trunk aftei
it,was prevented by its being attached by
an iron ring fixed to the bridgeby a chain.
Whereupon he hacked away at it and
cast it piecemeal into the sea. The oth
er stowaway was meanwhile in such an
agony ot terror that he did not cry out.
The assassin was placed in the hands of
the authorities at Iquique.
I did not love him: Long ago,
Instead of yes, I gave him No.
I did not love him, but to*day.
I read his marriage notice. Pray,
Why was I sad, when never yet iff
Has my heart known the lea&t regret^.
Over that whispered No? and why,
Reading the notice, did I sigh
No analyst can guess the cause
A woman's reason laughs at laws.
Sure, I am glad to know the wound
I gave is healed that he has found
Love's blessedness and peace and yet
To-day I seem to see him stand
With every glance a mute caress,
Still pleading for the longed-for Yes.
His early love for rae is dead
Another lives in that love's stead:
And if he loves her well, as men
Should love their chosen ones, why,thcn
He must be glad that loDg ago,
Instead of Yes, 1 gave him No.
Perhaps that is the reason why
I read the notice with a 6igh.
The History of Diphtheria.
Diphtheria is believed to have origi
nated in Egypt, more than two thousand
(2,000) years ago. It prevailed in Egypt
and Asia Minor, to which it extended,
during the first five hundred years, and
hence was early called Egyptian or
Having invaded Europe, the disease ap
peared at Rome A. D. 330 and being
akin to the plague, of which it may be a
remote modification, having had xhe
same origin, with some similar character
istics, and being like it and malignant
typhus highly contagious, the disease, in
its iitteen hundred years' transit on the
continent of Europe, affected mainly
rural districts and garrisoned towns. It
had extended to Holland, in which it was
epidemic in 1337 to Paris, in 1576 and
appeared in America 1771 it having pre
vailed more extensively in France in 1818
and 1835, and in England and the United
States from 1750 to 18G0, and more or
In our own country it has thus been
more prevalent during the past twenty
one years, from 1850 to 1877 and rural
districts appear to have suffered most
during the early part of this period,
probably on account of a greater preva
lence of marsh miasm, which, combined
with the animal, may generally, together
with the contagion, produce this disease.
But during the latter part of this period,
the rural districts, having been more
cleared up and drained, diminishing the
amount of paludal poision, and country
people having learned, as well as those
in cities, to avoid, to some extent, the
causes liable to generate animal miasms,
our cities, or some of them, appear to have
produced nearly if not quite as many
cases of diphtheria as the rural districts
Syracuse. New York, Brooklyn, Phila
delphia, Boston, and many New England
and other cities having suffered more or
less from it during 1876 and 1877. The vi
tal statistics of Massachusetts for the year
1876 shows diphtheria occupies the
second place in the list of fatality, two
thousand six hundred and ten persons
died of the disease during the year in
that state, and only five thousand and
twenty-seven of consumption. Whether
this may be an average for other states or
not, its ravages have been fearful in many
parts of our own and other countries.
In both city and country, more cases
have occurred, other things being equal,
in warm autumal and winter weather in
damp localities, where the air is almost
destitute of ozone, a powerful disinfect
ant, and being saturated with moisture is
in a low or negative electrical s'.ate, thus
letting down the possitive electrical con
dition of the nervous system, and corres
pondingly diminishing vitality in those
predisposed to the disease. Damp air
also doubtless, by diminishing the cu
taneous exhalation,and otherwise, may in
crease the predisposition to this as well
as other kindred diseases.
The annual flooding ot the Nile in
Egypt, affording, witfcfthe moisture thus
produced a generation and mingling
marsh and animal miasms, with the var
ious imprudences of the Egyptian people,
may readily have originated this disease.
Asia Minor, probably the next most pre
disposed country and people, was next
invaded, as might have been expected.
Then in its turn, the south of Europe,
burdened with the imprudences of the
third and fourth centuries, with its influx
of the northern hordes upon the Roman
empire. Later still, central and northern
Europe, distracted with the turmoils and
degraded by the pollutions ot the dark
ages, became ripe for it. Finally, other
parts of the world, including America
had become sufficiently predisposed,
and the United States having either pro
duced in or received it from the Old
World, has hence suffered a due share of
its ravages down to the present time.
Every step of the progress of this dis
ease, has thus been invited, and every
epidemic has had its cause no case ever
having occurred anywhere, unless con
tracted by the contagion from another
patient, without some general or local
cause usually local and discoverable,
from which may have emanated animal
as well as marsh miasms or poisons. The
fact of its increased pievalence in our
own country may very likely be due, in
part at least, to the more artificial mode
of treating children, its more common
victims. For it is a shameful fact that,
as a result ot modern fashion few chil
dren now among all classes, have proper
clothing or covering for their limbs and
a still smaller numbei take their food
with a strict regularity, abstaining from
it between meals, as well as from candies
and other injurious and indigestable
Sagacity of a Pair of Swallows.
At Rosenberg, in the neighborhood of
Graz, a pair of swallows had built their
nest in the floor of a peasant's house.
When the door was closed, the only en
trance to the room was through thewin
dow near by. One evening at harvest
time all the inhabitants of the house
went to the meadows situated at the foot
mountaio, almost two miles dis
tant from the dwelling. The wife forgot
to leave the window ot the cottage open,
and scarcely was the work of harvesting
under way, when a pair of swallows flew
around her with loud twitterings, bitting
her on the head and shoulders with their
wings. At last it occurred to the woman
that these were certainly her swallows
and that their entrance to the nest had
been closed. In spite of the distance and
pressing work, the good woman went
back to see, and if so, to put her dear
"swallows to rights.'' She opened the
window and had the pleasure of having
her supposition confirmed.Animal
Out-Door Sports for the Season,
The season has now arrived when out
door sport are apropos. The caterpillar
has left his den, the masquito has turned
over in his den and uttered a warning
shriek, and big green worms are skylark
ing around on shade trees and netting on
their chances of dropping behind a man's
One ot the leading lawn sports is
called "Push and cut." It is played with
a machine called a lawn mower. These
machines are neatly put up, beautifully
painted, and will make a racket in any
climate. The player seizes them by a
convenient handle and pushes them to
wards the grass on a trot. The game is
to find an old hoopskirt, paint-keg, oys
ter-can or catsup bottle in the grass. Af
ter two or three lessons the player will
be amazed at his good luck in finding
these things and making tally marks.
Some players take a flying leap over the
machine when it hits an old beef-bone
in the grass, but the rules of the game
are liberal in this respect. The player
can, if he prefers, rush against the handle
and knock a coiner off his chin or bang
his chest-bone back into a corner.
Another interesting lawn game is play
das follows: At the supper table the
"James, I want $10 to fix up my sum
mer silk. Don go away without leav
James makes no reply but manages to
slip out of the house unseen. He is seen
stealing softly across the lawn to jump
over the fence at the corner, when his
wife comes rushing out and exclaims:
"James! James! See here!"
He begins to squint into a cherry tree
and talks about moths.
"You walk back here and nand over
that cash or I'll send for my mother to
come and stay all summer!"
According to the rules of the game he
turns and looks at her, and mutters to
"That wilts me!"
"The idea of your skulking off like
that!" she continues, when he advances,
hands out the "X," and if he can convince
her that he had as soon give her $20 as
$10, he wins the game.
Another out-door game is played be
tween ten o'clock in the evening and
midnight, in order to avoid the heat of
the sun. It is played altogether by
married people. Nine o'clock having ar
rived and the husband not having reach
ed home, the indignant wile nails down
the windows, locks the doors, and goes to
bed feeling as if she could smash her
partner in a minute and a half. Uong
about eleven o'clock Charles Henry be
gins to play his part in the game. He is
suddenly seen under one of the kitchen
windows. He seeks to raise it. He tries
another and another, but the sash won't
lift. Then he softly tries all the doors,
but they are locked. The rules of the
game allow him to make some remarks
at this juncture, and it generally begins
to rain about this moment. As he gets
under the shelter of tne garden rake he
"Nice way to treat me because I found
a stranger on the walk with a broken leg
and took him to the hospital."
As the rain comes harder he boldly
climbs the front steps and rings the bell.
After about ten minutes the door is
opened, a hand reaches out and pulls him
into the hall, and the game goes on:
"Oh! you vile wretch!"
"Darling, whaz mazzerwhaz is it,
"Don't darling me. Here it is almost
daylight, and I've shivered and trembled,
and brought on a nervous fever which
may carry me to the grave!"
"Jarling, I found a leg on the sidewalk
wiz broken man and"
This game is always won by the wife.
Another, and 1he last, out-door gam
to be described here, is called "Waitmge
for her Darling." A woman waits Tor
her husband to spade up the flower-bed.
The Eastern question absorbs his whole
time. She goes* out to wield the spade
herself. The game is very brief. She
tries to dig in the spade by pressing with
both feet at once, and when she gets up
and dashes it into the house she realizes
that she rolled aver three times, and
barked her nose against the iron vase and
that four carriages were right oppos
ite the house at the time. She may have
a speech to deliver when her husband
comes to dinner, but the husband wins
the gameit is so in the rules.
Hall's Journal of Health don't believe
in too much water, for it says on the sub
ject of bathing: Once a week i3 often
enough lor a man to wash himself ail
over, and whether in summer or winter
that ought to be done with soap, warm
water and a hog's hair brush, in a room
showing: at least seventy degrees Fahren
heit. Baths should be taken early in the
morning, for it is then that the system
possesses the power of re-action in the
highest degree. Any kind of bath is
dangerons soon after a meal, or soon after
fatiguing exercise. No man or woman
should take a bath at the close of the day
unless by the advice of a family physi
cian. The best mode of keeping the sur
face of the body clean, besides the once
a week washing already mentioned, is as
follows: As soon as you get out of bed
in the morning, wash your face, hands,
neck and breast into the same basin of
water put both leet at once for aboat a
minute, rubbing them briskly all tne
time then with the towel, which has been
dampened by wiping the face, feet, etc,
wipe the whole body well, fast and hard,
with mouth shut and chest projecting.
Let the whole thing be done in less than
five minutes. At night, when you go to
bed, and whenever you find yourself
wakeful or restless, spend from two to
five minutes in rubbing your whole body
with your hand, so far as you can reach
in every direction. Thi? has a tendency
to preserve that softness and mobility of
skin which is essential to health, and
which too frequent washing will always
lntereatinc: e*criutton orthp Peculiar
Imu irment* Use* by VroresMlonal
The appliances of the first-class burg
lars are changed to meet almosot all tho
changes in preventive inventions. The
hydraulic jack to force in safe locks, the
cylinders of compressed oxygen and hy
drcgen to burn through steel, and th oth
er scientific as well as ingenious applian
ces used by the big operators show this.
The first and simplest tool in a burglar's
outfit is a window knife. This is a thin
very flexible, broad-en
ed knife, more
resembling a paint knife than anything
else. With it, in two seconds the clum
siest burglar can turn back the simple
catch so generally used throughout the
city to fasten windows. The thin blade
can be easily twisted up between the two
sashes, and a '.ight pressure throws the'
catch to one side or the other, and leaves
the window free to open. This is as use
ful as it is simple, and the wonder is that
style of fastening is so generally used.
Lately, however, a new brass catch, which
works up and down, and is fastened by
a pia, has been invented, and is proof
against the knife. The art of window
opening, however, makes necessary in
some cases a diamond to cut the glass.
This brings into requisition a "sucker"
a disk of wet leather with a string tied
to it, such as boys use as a plaything.
This is first fastened to the upper pane
and the cutter run around it in a circle.
When the glass is severed it clings to the
leather and the piece is removed to the
outside without noise or fracture of the
Another and a simple method in avoid
ing: noise, utilized in breaking into stores
with thin glass windows, is to paste a
large sheet of stout paper over tne
glass till it adtieres firmly in eveiy p?rt,
and then break the glass, The pieces
'ing to the paper and nojingling or noise
of any kind is made, and the window
can be neatly taken out in fargnients.
The next article in the outfit is a skeleton
key. These are as old as the invention
of "tumbler locks. Betore that invention
it needed little skill or practice, by aid
of a crooked wire, a notched knife-blade
or anything else that came handy, to pick
the simple lock. The new invention,
however, brought skeletons into vague.
A skeleton is simply the simplest shape
of key. The shank is filled down thin so
as to enter any lock easily, and the ward
ot the key is the same sieze as that of
any key, but cousists only of the same
size as that of a small T" shaped piec
ot steel or brass as the casi may be. This
is the simplest variety, and will suit the
laigest number of locks. There are some,
however, in which the wards are a trifle
more complex, which suit different brands
of locks. N 3 respectable thiet nowever,
is without two or three keys.
The next implement is a pair of Dip
pers, or 'nips," as the police abbreviate
it, which are used when a key is turned
and left in the lock. "Nips," are pairs of
pinchers which are inserted to grasp t*e
end of the key. The clutching portion
is so small as to easily enter a lock, and
when closed the end appears like a hol
low piece of steel no thicker then a key
shank. The ends are notched, however,
just as a pair of pinchers are roughened,
so as not to slip when the end ot the key
is grasped, and as most keys
are pointed at the end, the operation of
grasping it is faciliated. Some original
ity is displayed by thieves in getting up
these, and some years ago the work of a
burglar named Winter, since killed in a
tight, was always detected by a pair of
"nips" which he used. Instead of having
little notches all around the end, he had
only four, equally distant from each oth
er, the marks on the brass key which his
instrument left were always detected. The
"nips" are largely used, and are effective,
the only prevention against them being
something that will make the key im
movable. Of these preventives the best
is a thick bent wire, in the shape of a
pin that hangs down from the shaft of
the door-knob and passes through the
ring of the key.
The commonest burglarious instrument
is the "jimmy," and its uses are manifold.
It is a bar of steel, one end of which is
curved at a right angel. Sometimes one
end is sharpened to a point and sometimes
both,or one is flattened out and sharpened
like a crow-bar. They are of various
lengths and weignts, and a well to-do
burglar generally has several. They sub
serve all the uses of a crowbar and drill.
With them it is no trick at all to force
open a wooden door, breaking the lock or
twisting it out of place by main force. It
ist also a very suecessful tool in prying
open the door ot a building or a safe,
being used in the latter case when a par
tial entrance has been made. Bull's eye
lanterns, so loved by dime novel writers,
have passed out of date, small candles be
ing used. This calls to mind the fact
that the work of Root and Schacht, the
companions, was always spotted by the
candle grease which they lett behind
them, their custom being to use the small
Christmas tree candles.
Masks are rarely used, and if worn are
usually of the simplest construction, a
piece of black cloth with eye and mouth
holes serving both the purposes of dis
guise and terror, in case a startled indi
vidual awakes at night to find a ghost
with a candle, a black mask and revolver
bending over him. With regard to skel
etons one ingenious style, the invention
of a Sidney thief, has strangelyfallcn into
disuse. There were a number ot wards
to it which could be fitted to the shank,
one after the other, a small screw in the
end of the shank holding them in place.
The possessor could try one after the
other, and' eventually unlock any dcor
fastened by any ordinary key. A simple
bolt is the best protection for a door, that
being, in police parlance, "the only thing
that'll beat a thief." Their only" means
of opening the door is to bore through
and saw around itan operation involv
ing much time and trouble.
A Convincing Argument.
He was squirting tobacco juice over the
floor of the saloon, and telling how capi
tal oppressed labor, when one of the doz
en men in the place inquired:
"Air you one o' them communists?'
"I hold, that we must have an even dis
tribution of propertyyes, sir, or we'll
fight, sir!" was the pompous reply.
"Stranger, kin ye lend me a chew of
tobacco?" asked the inquirer.
A box full of fine-cut was handed him.
He put it in his pocket, and was walking
away, when the communist called out:
"Beg pardon, but you are carrying off
all rights' all right," replied the
other. "I was out and you have plenty.
We've got to even this business up, you
know, and you keep the box, and I'll keep
the tobacco." ft
He was too big tolick,' and the com
munist put the empty box in his pocket,
and refused to laugh with the crowd.
The maple does not shed its leaves
In one tempestuous scarlet rain,
But softly, when the south wind grieves,
Slow, wandering over wood and plain.
One by one they waver through
The Indian Summer's ha/.y blue,
And arop at last on the forest mold,
Coral and ruby, and burning gold.
Our death is gradual like these:
We die with every waning day,
There is no waft of sorrow's breeze
But bears some heart-leaf slow away:
Up and on to the vast To Be,
Our life is going eternally!
Less of life than we had last year
Throbs in your veins and throbs in mine
But the way to heaven is growing tlear,
And the gates of the city fairer shine
And the day that our latest treasures flee
Wide they will open for you and me.
Opium and its Antidote.
Opium is the juice of the poppy, and,
as there are many varieties of the poppy,
so, too, are there many kinds of opium
the mode of collecting the juice is, how
ever, always the sime. In Egypt, Syria
and India, the three countries which pro
duced opium, a number of semicircular
incisions are made in the capsule of the
poppy, and the juice which exudes is
carefully gathered. This juice in being
dried in the sun becomes of a daik color,
thickens, and forms a brown, firm paste
this is opium. Laudanum is a solution
ot opium in aichol and water. Opium
may be regarded as a mixture of several
similar substances, among which may be
named morphine, nicotine, codeine, etc.
A curious fact about these opium al
kaloids is, that they do not act alike on
man and animals, as has beeri demonstrat
ed by Claude Bernard. Man is especially
sensative to the action of mcrphine, while
thebaine, another factor of opium, is al
most without effect upon his nervous
system. Animals, on the other hand,
feel the eftect of morphine ody when
given in large doses, while thebaine is for
them a violent poison.
Opium is one of the most powerful
agentb we possess for modifying the sen
sibility, but wliether it does this by act
ing upon the sensor nerves or on the brain
is not certain. Opium differs widly irom
alcohol. Alcohol is cumulative in its
effects, ana the more one is addicted to
its use the more easily is he intoxicated
by it. One does not become habituated
to alcohol intoxication, but with opium
the case is different a person may become
so accustoned to it as to be able to diink
daily a litre of laudanum, twenty drops
of which would be a strong "enough
medicinel dose ior a non-habituated per
son. Opium has its antidote just as we
can produce sleep, so, too, can we pro
duce sleeplessness, by the employment
ot a mind poison whoie effects are
diametrically opposed to those of the
narcotic. The antiuote of opium is coffee.
One hundred years age coffee was almost
unknown, but now there is hardly an
other beverage that is so widely distri
Coffee is said to produce cerebral
anasmia, while opium and alcohol cause
congestion but this theory still needs
confirmation. Nevertheless, the part
played by coffee in general nutrition, is
very well understood". It retards organic
combustion. In the normal state there it.
always going on within our tissues a
multitude of chemical actions, the final
result of which is heat-pro-luction and
liberation of carbonic acid. This carbon
ic acid passes into the venous blood, and
from thence into the lungs. Thus the
quantity of carbonic acid is, to some ex
tent, the expression of nutritive activity.
On taking coffee, though no greater quan
tity of oxygen be inhaled, and without
increasing the ration of food, the quan
tity of carbonic acid is reduced, and yet
the amount of force is not lessened
Hence coffee is a food-stuff with moder
ate nutrition, and checks waste, by les
sening the activity of the chemical trans
formation incessantly going on within
the tissues.National Repository.
The Marriage of Great Men.
Robert Burns married a farm girl with
whom he fell in love while they worked
together in a plowed field. He was ir
regular in his life, and committed the
most serious mistakes in conducting his
Milton married the daughter of a
country squire, and lived with her but a
short time. He was an austere literary
recluse, while she was a rosy, romping
country lass that could not endure the
restraint indorsed upon her. So the sep
arated. Subsequently, however, she re
turned, and they lived tolerably happy.
Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were
cousins, and about the only example in
the long line af English monarchs where
in the marital vows were sacredly observ
ed and sincere affection existed.
Shakespeare loved and wedded a
farmer's daughter. She was faithful to
her vows, but we could baldly say the
same of the bard himself. Like the
great poets, he showed too little discrim
ination in bestowing 1 is affection on the
Washington married a woman with
two children. It is enough to say she
was worthy of him, and they lived as
married people should livein perfect
harmony with each other.
John Adams married the daughter of
a Presbyterian clergyman. Her father
objected on account of John being a law
yer. He had a bad opinion of the mor
als of the profession.
John Howard, the great philanthropist,
married his nurse. She was altogether
below him in social life and intellectual
capacity, and, besids this, was fifty-two
years old, while he was but twenty-five.
He would not take "no" for an answer,
and they were married and lived happily
until she died, which occurred two years
Peter the Great, of Russia, married a
peasant. She made him an excellent
wife and a sagacious Empress.
Humboldt married a poor girl because
he loved her. Of course they were hap
It is not generally known that Andrew
Jackson married a lady whose husband
was still living. She was an uneducated
but amiable woman, and was most de
votedly attached to the old warrior and
John C. Calhoun married his cousin,
and their children fortunately were neith
er diseased nor idiotic, but they did not
evince the talent of the great state's rights
The Farmer's Front Yard:
Most farmers,even the poorest of them,
have a desire for trees, plants and flowers.
They enjoy a well-kept place. If is a
veiy rare thing to find a front yard with
out some attempt at ormentation. The
shrubs and flower-beds and the grass are
often neglected and allowed to struggle
with each other in their own way. Some
work is occasionally done at odd intervals
A small tpot is dug in tne grass for a sin
gle rose-bush, another for a small Spiraea
one for a Lilac, another tor a Pteony, and
perhaps seveial othprs, two or three teet
across, for small beds ot flowers. In this
manner the grass plot is broken up and
frittered away by numerous single plants
or small beds scattered all over the yard.
Except, perhaps for a few vines, we
should set plants a little away from the
house. Besides this, for unpretending
yards oy farm houses, we suggest a plan
which at a le^s cost, we think, will make
the yards look uetter than they now lock.
The ground for the lawn should be
nicely graded and enriched, taking care
in most cases to preserve the natural gen
tle undulations. In se\nral places here
and there, depending on the size of the
grounds, sec shrubbery or flowers in mass
es of not less than ten feet in diameter.
Plants in small beds cut out of turf sel
dom thrive well, because the gra^s roots
run down beneath the plants, otten for
three or four feet, robbing them of moist
ure an^x nourishment. In the plan leave
clean open spaces tree from everything
but grass. This can then be easily mow
ed several times a year.
If the land is lich and well graded, the
grass can be easily mowed and it will
furnish a crop which will be handy to
feed the horses or tome other slock. Lo
cate the trees and shrubs somewhat with
reference to making it easy to mow the
lawn. The patches or groups of shrub
bery should be often cultivated, at leaht
till they become well established. A
nice lawn is the most beautiful part of a
well-kept front yard
How Old He Was.
Smith II. is a notorious jokerone ot
those queer fellows who joke everywhere,
in all company, and fiom force of habit.
He was attending court in answer to a
subpoena, and was dining at the public
table. He began to chat with an ac
quaintance, who presently asked:
"Smith, how old aie you?"
'If I live," replied Smith solemnly,
"till the 30th of next month. I shall be
A lawyer who sat opposite here looked
at him with an expression of surprise,
but said nothing. Tiu? next day Smith
was called as a witness, anu alter giving
his name and residence, was asked his age.
"Fifty-three," was the prompt response.
"What!" exclaimed the lawyer, ""didn't
I hear you say at the hotel yesterday that
ycu would be seventy-one it \ou lived 1o
the 30th of this month?"
"A/ext month, sir with that correction
I did say so."
"And now you swear you are but fifty
"Weil, sir, tell us what kind of a wit
ness you arM any way. What do you
"Why, I think that if you live to the
30th ot next month, you may be a hun
dredbecause, sir, next mext month is
February, and hasn't but twenty-eight
days, and wnen I see the 30th cf Februa
ry I expect to be seventy-one."
The court, the bar, and the auoience
all join in the laugh, and Smith's exami
nation was proceeded with.
Anecdote ot iturns.
Andrew Hornor and Burns were pitted
against each other to write poetry. An
epigram was the subject chosen, because,
as Andrew internally argued, "it is the
shortest of all poems." In compliment
to him, the company resolved that his
own merits should supply the theme.
In seventeen hunder thretty-nine
and he paused. He then said: "Ye see,
I was born in 1739 (the real date was
some years earlier) so I niak' that the
commencemen'." He then took his pen
in hand, folded his paper with a con
scious air of authorship, squared himself
to the table, like one who consideied it
no trifle even to write a letter, and slow
ly put down, in good round hand, as if
he had been making out a bill of parcels,
In seventeen hunder thretty-nine!
but beyond this, after repeated attempts,
he was unable to advance. The second
line was the Rubicon he could not pa^.s.
At last, when Andrew Horner reluctantly
admitted that he was not juit in the
vein, the pen, ink and paper were hand
ed to his antagonist. By him they were
rejected, for he instantly gave the follow
ing, viva voce:
In seventeen hunder thrett-nine
The deil gat stufi to mak' a sw me,
And pit it in a corner,
But, shortly after changed his plan,
Made it to something like a man,
And called it Andrew Horner.
"Schouvaloff,'" said the czar the other
evening, as the two sat smoking ten cent
cigars on the steps ot the dtr:al palace,
"what sort of a snide rooster is that
Beaconsfield, anyhow?" "Sire." returned
Schouvaloff, as he struck a match on the
sole of his patent-leather boot, "I could
pull the wool over the home secretary, I
could close up the eye of the new secre
tary for India, and I might even get Sal
isbury where the hair is short, but Bea
consfield is a man who wont have any
taffy." "Did you try him with sugar?"
inquired the czar, as he smashed a
spring-style potato bug that was srad
dling into the parlor. "I had not
thought of that," said Schouvaloff.
"Then try him," said the czar, "and if
that won't do, I guess we'll have to buy
a few more Americon ships and sound
the loud tocsin of war."
Imaginary evils soon became real ones
by indulging our reflection on them as
be who in a melancholy fancy sees some
thing like a face on the wall or wainscot,
can, by two or three touches with a lead
pencil, make it look visible, and agree
ing with what be fancied.