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VVTP IM VV 1 TF? H T)K !
r.Vlll I 1 1.1 1 lA ITi
RIGHT SCRT OF RECIPROCITY FOR
Equal P-ivilejr for Our Exports In
All fie M.irkrts cf the World and no
Ta-iff Discritrm.ition for or Against
What We In-port.
There '." v. tVnt the I'nited
S'a'e can get all t!.r r cipr.M i:y tu n-.in-
:t warts iriii:i i,-:pire tn if It will
ti f!:.it r::.'. est dt.wi: ? i !!'.. i .n 1 1 y Its
;!., Cvo .i.iv.s in;.', mine sacrificial
-r.r.gs of it- 1 . t i . . indus-trics. It
amy Io e'a-.tn. 1 !'..n y iti.-tntiri s and
pi r ? . ; ; s iTimn :n i- me that the par
ihi.'ar s.n r.fb - l- m.imb il are small
ii . ' ii-1 i - i- u.'li the general advan
tage tn bo ca n.'.l; I 1 1 .-ueh I'.-iisoiiin
wi'.i tin. r ! i-fnnory to III" itidtis
t:. t i I... ,: r-.ti.-t .! 1. 1- p-fiit.li-.l. ik r
is ;t at all !.!. : u T do!! abb t tint
will -vi r place unrest rvodly
r ' 1 1 sl.inthtt r jitntc.-t iv !u-
I a- '
!.o hands i t f I'rosbb tit. w ho
,, !!- '1 it- and events lniht
r-'i liy an in or anxiety to make
a n t-:pr
ity to p!
'!' r rd or even by host il- i
" in 1'iiii' il'le. So tho !
thi.H'et'.eil i'.et. n I th. ni- ;
m-.v.k t'.roni--li 'heir tn. i .U In ( on- (
gv -s iir.d have the nioial Miep.nt out- ,
side of people w l:o Witli.illt lieltm well
a-lvis.-d in the pretnit s ln-lieve in
fair pl'iy to u. rv It gititna'e Ameri
tan ii.dustiy an l : v.- with ins'lnctive
s;:spi.-ia:i ary toposi'ion to find a
f. r i:ti market for si tin products !y
iitip.ii i ?r.g the lionie market for other
pie. in. is.
Tr-un ail (f which it appears not
inertly that it .-ipioi ity. as if has lit en
n. ciitly ptoiiose,) has failed to work,
but that frvin the cotidit ions surroiind
it l- it it was trotn 'h-' start destined
o failure, and may as well now he
relegate. definitely to the limho of
nttra. tivt hut iuiptiu t.i aide schemes.
A. ct ptati' e of this situation should
not. howe.r. .any with it abandon
Jli.l t of t ffoits to promote the fort-lull
trade and i etiJtn t rial expansion of tile
Is it Possible That Cat
coiir.uy. liiHher i hoiild the frank ri le- j
gniioii of any unav ailable instrument i
make easier the s. an h for an .-He. live
weapon for a most proper purpose.
Reciprocity at best is a piect meal
proposition. Invohing a haule with
each separate nation mer tlio mutual
concessions to he made, and by its nec
essary and iiil. i ininable .1, !as weary
ing it friends and ilii-gu.-ting every
one. The dignity of the rnit. il States
and tho practical necessities ot the
rase alike .1. maml the adoption of
some policy that ihail be s ihi-. pi i'.lt
if geneial application, that shall pro
tert the An.etiinii piodu.-cr and ship
per against petty cxa.-tions and .lis
criminations in fonivu markets, and
that shall. In short, compel In every
quarter the "op.-n door ' for Aen ii. an
trade, but that shall be lout.nt when
that door Is just as open to Ann in au
trade as It Is to any other trade.
Tho time was hen the l iiited States
was not of sulllcient commercial const-
quence to enable it sip . esfully to in
augurate sin h a policy, but lh" Mine is
when the I'nited States with its ini
menso population. uiipr billed
wealth and uiiapproat hod consuming
capacity for nearly all sorts of prod
ui ts Is in position, if It adnnts Mc
products of another nation upon the
same terms as it admits the products
of all other nations, to demand from
that nation like, treatment I't.r its own
To ask more would be to ask what
other nations are vt ry likely prohibit
ed by their existing agreements from
granting, but equality of ticatnicnt the
I'nited Slates may justly and s-hoiild
in self respet t insist upon, and tho na
tion which denies this miu h should ho
made to pay upon nil its exports to
this country a il;s.riiii:iiaiing duty,
either uniform for all nations of its
class or graduated according to the
discriminations which American ex
ports suffer in its markets.
By such policy of dignified Insist
ence and retaliation must the United
States In the end protect its interests
In the markets of jealous nations, and
with such protection assured tin re is
every reason to anticipate thai the era
of American commercial expansion
will Boon appear to be only well be
gun. Nevada (la.) Representative.
Montana Would Suffer.
The people of Montana are Interest
ed In the question. They have experi
enced the benefits of protection and
bava seen uotblng to convince them
''a 'nls,!' so) dangerous nr.4
damariiig a), ti demand that the pro-
... it.... .1.1 I.. ....I .. itU
i live policy should bo Interfered with
npi.ti tlio excuse that the abolition of
duties would destroy trusts. As to
reciprocity, among tlu treaties hung
tip in tin- Senate Is one with the Ar
t'i utiiif Hi public, opening our markets
fur Arm tit itio wind anil hides In rrtiml
for opening tin- tuatkots of that conn
try t.i the maniitactiires of t In I'liltcd
States. Tills wi'tili) mean ruin for the
wool mill ruttle glowers of the West
in return for something to he gained
by the KaMern manufacturers. For
t'niiti'ly the people of MntitHtiA and
the Wi"t rim lit pi nil upon a Repub
lican Congress to protect their Inter
ests and to consent tti no changes In
the tariff that would tend to make
larger prosperity fur one (lass nt the
expense of other classes of Americans
Helena (Mont.) Itecord.
Our Annu.il Gift to Europe.
Tin' annual exodus to Europe tins
liemin. A single steamship last week
took a thousand first-class passengers
and $r,ini. niHi In gold, which ahout eov
ers the expenditures of the tourists at
an average of I.Vmi eai li ii very con
servative estimate. Here we can ae-
,.,,( f,,r ,,t ,.nK, $7,-,,onii,Oou a year
f r fnvoratile lmlaiicr, and it must
i, r..in..iiili..ic.l tl.nt thin fT.. ikiii 000 or
,m.(1 ls KII,,,!. a Kjft t F.urope for
wlilh Wl, ,, Im,(Tiul cotntnodities
in return. It Is spent in transporta-
t ii m. hotels and fdght seeing, most
i-oinmendalile ways for those who cn
afford them. At the Fntun time tlio
millions are dumped Into Kngllsh and
t'oMinoiitnl pockets with no appreci
able return. All of which proves our
wonderful prosperity and wealth under
our excellent tariff.
As to Cummins.
The "Iowa Idea." advocated by Gov.
''umnilns and his followers, If put
into practice, will knock IIiIiirh end
wise In that fctate. If Gov. Cummins
thinks for one moment that the Re
publican party ls to be frightened Into
adopting a free trade policy by his
ranting he Is greatly mistaken. Oth
ers have snarled and tried to flag the
Has Come Back Again?
union on this same line, but where are
those fellows to-day? A llttia cheap
notoriety for tho sake of coming Into
the light will result to Cummins as
that of the moth that hovers near the'
uas burner. Hu will soon disappear
I rout the horizon as an enemy to his
state nnd to this nation. No man can
urge free trade for the United States
and be a good citizen at the same
time. Pueblo (Col.) Opinion.
A Loss of $10,000,000,000 a Year.
There were, according to the census,
'.i.uTI.117 persons engaged in gainful
ct upatlims In lftoo. There must be
iully 3I..-iio.noO new. The income of
these people will certainly average
over $2 a day, or $20,ooo,ooo,000 annu
ally altogether. The sum is probably
nearer twice that amount. Hut sup-
pose we were to lower our tariff or
j abolish it as the free traders wish, our
I I m nines would certainly but cut Into
j and reduced by at least $10,000,000,000
a year. In ten years that would be a
sum equal to our total wealth. Think
of what the loss of $10,000,000,000
oar in Incomes means. No wonder
the great mnjorlty of tlio people want
io let well enough alone, and put off
revision either up or down till some
Our Drink Bill.
Our drink bill last year amounted to
tl.lii'.o.o'.iSTC, about iio per cent more
Mian in lSiui. The quantities of the
i four leading beverages consumed
Coffee 1.4'JS 910.304
Spirits and wine 157,2O0,5ril
Wu might get along on milk and
water, but we don't, not when protec
tion gives such prosperity as we are
A Good Thing to Keep Out Of.
Tariff discriminations and recrimi
nations have brought on a warm llttia
row between Canada and Germany,
Canada began it by giving Great Brit
ain a 33 1-3 preferential tariff rate on
manufactured goods. Germany retali
ates by clapping higher duties on Can
adian wheal. It Is a natural and in
evitable outcome of the system of pref
erential trade arrangements commonly
railed "reciprocity." It Is chiefly pro
ductlve of reciprocal hatred and 111
will. A good thing fur any country to
keep out of.
BACK IN THE DAYS OF '44.
Some Opinion Regarding the Great
Flood at That Time.
KANSAS (.'ITY, MO. (Special.)
"Yes, It has In .n a fearful flood, and
tli damage It has wrought la unprece
dented, nut the volume of water liaa
not nearly equaled that of the flood
of 1st I." said William Mulkey, mo of
(ho few survivors of that historic
event. Mr. Mulkey sat on the ve
randa of his home on the point of
the bluff at Thittteiilh atm-t, look
ing down at the wide expanse of river
and fhc busy wholesale district direct
ly below lilm.
"Flity-nine years ago-." he contin
ued reflectively, "I stood on this same
place and watched the water risp i.o a
height that passed all belief and then
fall again, leaving desolation and ruin
behind. Hut, of course, you under
stand It was no muh ruin as we spe
down there," with a waive of his hand
toward the wrecked bridges and rail
road yards that, could be plainly seen
below. "Then It was nature ruined,
now It Is man. The bottoms then
were absolutely unimproved, not more
than a dozen families had '.quatted
there, so that while tlio water was
Just aa terrifying (hen as It has be"n
this time, vet the dnneer to life and
destruction of property were al
most nothing in comparison.
"At that time fhe bottoms were o
different in appearance from what
they am now that I almost !?el like
Tlip Van Winkle wh"n I look down
there. The channels of lxith rivers
were altogether (liferent. The mouth
of the Kaw war. hen Just this Mile of
xvhat Is railed Jersey creek. Turkey
rreek flowed then uf-t this side of
where lvdd'3 pnckltig house now
stands, and emptied Into the Missouri.
The flood at thit time came ihnvn the
Missouri, came down In a tierfret wall
of water that backed up Into the Kaw.
The Kaw wm unusally high Just then
from exressive ralnall v.n In Kansas,
and the two combined pave us just a
little more wpter than I evor raw
before or since in this part of the
country. The rise ot the rlvev was
much more rapid than It was this
time. One day the river was In its
bnnks, barely it is true, but still there
the next It hrd broken through,
and the water extended twelve or
fourteen feet deep rlar from bluff to
bluff and It was terrible, and If the
Another thing that allows how
bottoms had then been settled as they
are now. the loss of life would have
'As to the depth of the -water I
cannot say. The mark on the Hannl
bal bridge lg nlmos-.t correct I think,
but It Is, If nnything. too low. The
way I gauged it was this you see
down there" pointing with hi3 stick
over the edge of the bluff, "there
are two benches or shelves below this
one that the hoiiFo Is on. Wfll, on
June la, 1811. the water was just
up to the edge of that lowest shelf
tliTo, and the dry when the water
was the highest here a couple of
weeks ago, that shelf was fully alx
:feet above 't. Now, that Is proof
'enough, l:;n't it?
deep the wrter xvas: a big river steam
ier came up from the Missouri, crossed
directly throuch the liottoms, where
.tho I'nion depot now stands, on
'throuirh over where the stock varrts
are, and so Into the Kaw. I do
jnot believe that could have been done
at this flood, do you?
"The lxittoni", were 'hen a grove of
rot ton wood trees, tall ones, too. as
Kansas eottonwoods are. but. when the
water w as ovr the bottoms tlut time
Ithe tops of them were just .'ticking
UP above the surface. I was surprised
durl-.f? this last flood at th.? small
(quantity of grtrn drift that came down
'with tin eiiiT?nt, but I presume that
it was be-arse the riiver bottom has
(been alaiost wholly clearer! of timber.
!ln 1844 ihe drift was almost all of
green trees, big ones, snapped off like
jp!petems. and coming bobbins; along
li Uo a floating rrovo.
"Most of th drift crime down the
Missouri, but aa there was only one
liMle settlement between liTe i;lld St.
Joseph, and nothing b-tween then
r.r.d ).rahr. you ran see that the drift,
r.rart from the trees, amounted to
comparatively little. 1 remember one
house though that came down from
where Pnrkvllle now Is. It was a two
story frame dwelling, very fine for
those days when everythina; was
built cf logs, and belonged to a widow.
Some other hoys and 1 caught It over
In t':e K'ist liottoms, and anchored
It there until th water went down,
the woman came down the river
As soon as it wan possible to travel
hunting her house. The furniture In
the secoi'.d floor was uninjured and
she took thPt away with her. but she
gave me the house, and I tell you 1
was proud of my rapture.
"I was 20 years old nt that time and
big and Rtnm.t. That last quality en
abled me to earn $75 from the flood.
Thcrn were three men here who had
to get over to liberty, flood or no
flood. They offered $2.rt apiece to any
one who would take them across 1o
Po-.ndolph. I volunteered and took
them a-ross in a row boat, it was
hard wor' ar.d dams reins too, and I
earn"d every rent of the $7!."
Mrs. .fulK',y was also living here
at the time cf the flood, and though
she wes only 12 years old her recol
lection of it In vivid and dear, and
she quite njirors with Yr. Mulkey as
to the comparative depth of the two
Mrs. Mulkey was the daughter of
Mr. Drlpps, who was agent for all the
Indians west of the Missouri, and
who was himself niarrlul to a half
breed Indian woman. The Drlpps'
homo at that Umo la a log cabin
on the pr"3ont site of the large flat
hiiibllnr; on Thirteenth street, between
Summit and Madison. It directly over-
looked tho flooded dl trlct, and Mrs.
Mulkey snys that child 03 she was she
si ill remembers the Impression that
tho Mvlvlins water and tho roar of It
made on hir.
'We were aa fascinated by It then
as v.-e were thin time," she said, "and
us -ii to a:t for hours cut there on the
ledge from whe-.c v:e watched the pres
ent flood, and look at the tops of tho
trees showing their , heads above the
yellow foam and wonder what would
liave happened to people If many of
them had lived down there.
Uut one of my most distinct recol
lections of the great flood," she con
tinued, "la of the pest of mosquitoes
that followed It. It was simply ter
rible. Everyone suffered, bottoms
and bluffs alike, and If we have any
thing like it this time I do not know
wlu.t will become of us. There was
a great deal of sickness that summer,
toiv -ague we called It. then, hut It goes
by the name of malaria now. Anyway
It all amounted to the same thing.
Everyone who had been In tin water
or near It even suffered and a good
ninny who had only, viewed It from
high on the bluffs
"From this ledge up here I have
wati lied two great floods. One of them
wiped out all vegetation In the valley
for miles across and left a thick cover
ing of sand on everything. The other
wiped out valuable pioperty in tho
anme territory and left n3 much mud
as the other had sand. I do not know
what the next one will do. but I have
had enough. I do not want to see
The following article was written
by the late John C. McCoy on tne
flood of 1844 r.nd published la The
Kansas City Journal about 1S70.. Al
though not a scientific, Mr. McCoy was
a practical engineer of considerable
ability, and hl3 wide experience and
good Judgment made his onlnions valu
able. I'p to the time of his death,
which was in September, 1880, he
wat.-hed with Interest and considera
ble solicitude the development of the
vast commercial center known as West
Kansas, and often expressed his fears
of a calamity such as we have recently
had. Ke feared It would come from
one of these causes, viz., a flood such
as we have just had from excessive
n.infall in the West at a tlmo when
the Missouri wan high; from the con
stant narrowing of the rivers' channels
bv accretions which would not permit
the egress of the waters; or that largo
numbers of low bridges being built
of their fulfillment. This is very
across the narrow channel would form
a barrier for Ice:
Th subject of floods In the Missouri
and Kansas rivers In the past and the
probabilities of their recurrence in the
future Is neither a pleasant nor popu
lar theme to talk or write about just
now and thoso who Indulge In specu
lations or predictions of danger are
looked upon as croakers and birds of
evil omen, especially by those whose
Interests would be in jeopardy In event
plainly shown by the way many per
sons interested In West Kansaa Ciry
and the bottom lands of the river have
received warnings and statements of
the I'nited States engineers as to the
probable danger of ndevasting flood
in the Missouri river, and which ap
peared in The Journal a few days ago.
His statements have. I think, provoked
a gooddeal of unjust and unnecessary
criticism and comment. ll. Is a
?tranger to me. but holding the posi
tion of trust and responsibility that
he does in the engineer service of the
government we may safely construe
that lie is at least theoretically com
petent and certainly possessts the most
correct Information obtainable io en
able him to form the proper dangers
to be apprehended. Not only this,
but It is his especial business to study
of all the fads and facilities requslle
to form a correct conclusion in the
Now, grunting that it is iiis deliber
ate judgement formed from thfse
sources that the dire calamity of a
devastating flood was likely to sweep
over the West. Kansas City bottom",
causing the loss of millions of dollars'
value in property and perhaps, many
lives, his failure to give timely warn
ing would under the circumstances
bo looked upon as little short of
murder; and then, if his predictions
failed and the elements over which
he had no control are propitious: why
then he subjects himself to ungenerous
flings and leers. His situation in the
premises Is one of great responsibility
and certainly by no means to be en
vied. Having some knowledge of
facts connected with floods in ths Mis
souri river. I will venture, disagree
able as (he subject may be to many,
to briefly state them. Physic, albeit
nauseating. In sometimes very bene
ficial to general health. W may
sineerly hope that the general health
in this case Is In no danger at present.
The records of the past tell us of only
three floods that may be regarded aa
devastating, viz: in 1782, 1S2I! and
1844. One other in 1843 only ;a"tlally
so, and many others where the over
flow caused little or no damage. Ac
cording to my recollection the. over
flow of 1X43. occuring the last of May
and the first of June, reached a height
about six feet lower than of lh" suc
ceeding year of June. 1844, and ihe
damage was correr pondingly lr?:i. The
winter of 1842-43 was a long, hard one,
with much snow toward the moun
tains. In January there viui a general
thaw and breakup with fine weather,
lasting nearly three weeks, and the
steamer "lone" ascended the river to
Kansas City. On the day of her arri
val It turned suddenly cold, the river
froze np again and so it remained un
til the first of May, during which time
the boat remained at the foot of Grand
Th rle of the water of 1813 was
high enough to wash away some new
one story log houses standing near
the river bank nt the lower end ol
Harlem, which I had put up at the be
ginning of the winter. I stood on the
levee one day and witnessed thc'r
departure; with sudden lurch and a
graceful sweep of the upper end to
ward the river they mingled and melted
away In the boiling flool. Have I told
this story so often that I really believe
that It was an actual occurrence, and
that, rumors- of the anowflelds in
the Northwest caused me as soon aa
the b e was out of the river to vamoose
(he Imperiled ranks? Nay even before
that occured, that I pulled down one
house and hauled the hewed logs
across on the Ice and put thetn up to
live In near the foot of William street?
loes anyone doubt the correctness of
this statement? And his occurred in
1843. the year before the great flood.
I hope not. for I am now ttolng to
say something of another flood that
far exceeded this one In Its devastat
ing efforts that which occurrd frcm
the 13th to the lfith of June, 1844. The
water rose to a length of six fret or
more above the previous year. The
Missouri river at about the 13th was
only a few feet over the bottom lands,
but the great volume of water that
came down the Ktnsas river madly
rushing against the mighty Missouri
caused the seething waters to pile np
at the vicinity of the mouth, no doubt
several feet higher than they would
havd done had they met at the point
of juncture more obliquely.
On the morning of the 14th Col.
William Chick, who wan temporarily
occupying with his family a house he
owned, which stood on the east side of
Turkey creek, not far southeast of the
State Line house, was surprised to find
the water Just rising above the banks
of the creek. By 9 o'clock it had
reached the doorsteps and the ground
was lower toward the bills eastward,
he deemed It advisable to seek a place
of safety on higher ground, which they
succeeded in doing with the aid of a
ranoe or small boat. His daughter,
Mra. Peery, went to the hills near
Twelfth street on a horse, tho water
being then ahout mid-side to the horse
near the hills. From there she made
her way by horse, two miles south of
the city, and astonished me by her
statement of facta. I galloped down
to the ferry across the river, which
I owned and ran at that time, and
taking a skirf with Col. John Polk,
we made our way, with great diffi
culty and danger, up through the
woods to the house, where we arrived
about 12 o'clock and found the water
about waist deep on the lower floor.
We secured as many articles as our
skiff would carry, placed the balance
out of the reach of the water, and
made our way back to the ferry, where
I Immediately secured a party of about
ten persons to take up the ferry flat,
to secure that which was le'.L
The seething, foaming flood of water
was not only dashing madly onward In
the river channel, but it swept across
the heavily timbered bottom of West
Kansas, from bluff to bluff, with a roar
almost deafening. With the aid of
twenty or more men in rounding the
rocky headland above the bridge, we
finally reached the but'ding about 4
o'rlork p. m.. when we found that
water had reached nearly to the up
per floor. Placing the boat beside the
house we tore off a portion of the
roof, the eaves of which were prob
ably five feet above the boat the up
per window being too small to pass
out the furniture. Being now nearly
dark we held a council and decided to
tie up for the i.lght, deeming it unsafe
to venture in the river in the dark.
So we ran up to the smoke house, built
of heavy logs. In which about 5.000
pounds of bacon were floating about,
and there spent the long, dreary hours
of the night In roasting bacon and
hams, and telling marvelous tales of
blood rurdling scenes that never hap
Now. those who feel disposed to be
lieve (he above statement of facts enn
make their own estimate of the rapid
Ity of the rise of water In twelve
hours from the morning of June 14.
I make It from eight to tn feet. Is
this incredible? If so. a6k Colonel
Polk, Allen McOee, William Mulkey
and others who spent the night In
that flood of water.
I will now only mention another
rplnode of that eventful day In West
Kansas. Daring the night of the 15th
and the next morning, from time to
time loud cries of distress were heard
over In Wyandotte in the direction cf
the residence of Inils Cromley, who
(hen lived near the Missouri south
bank, just east of the state line, 'luose
who listened to those cries knew full
well that the old man was In deep
trouble, as well as deep water, but
the Impetuous Kaw forced Its mad
waters Into the broad sea of the Mis
souri with a rurrent so rapid that It
was Impossible to get tho ferry flat
accross the opposite woods (for there
were no lianks then) without cordel
ling the boat some distance up the
Kaw, and before this could be done
darkness had overspread the desolate
scene. At early dawn brave heard
and strong arms were ready for the
rescue. Isaiah Walker, Rthan Long,
Russell Garrett. Havld Kroman and
Tall Charles of Wyandotte soon made
their way with the host, cutting their
way through the woods, to poor old
Cromley, whom they found perched In
a tree, and a few hundred yards furth
er on his wife in another tree, and a
short distance farther his boy sitting
a straddle of the comb of tho houses,
which was just beginning to Bway into
tho seething waters of the river.
J. M. CROMQR.
The Tyrant of the Household.
"No, I am sorry I can't be with you
this evening. I'm obliged to stay at
"No, our 14 year-old daughter Is go
ing to a party this evening."
"Does that keep you at home?"
"Of course It docs. Sao has to have
"But, couldn't you go out and stay
if you wanted to?"
"I suppose I could, but daughter ob
jects to having us out so late."
She Received the Invitation.
"And when you marry," she softly
said, "I hope you'll remember to invito
me to the ceremony."
He looked thoughtful.
"It will be awiully crowded, no.
doubt." he said, "but I think I can ring
you In somehow." '
And a moment or two later she de
clared the ring an astonishingly good
They Needed Him.
He He's gone to the bad.
He The missionary, of course.
"I'm afraid my husband doesn't love
me any more," said the bride of six
months, wita an overgrown sigh.
"When did you discover the
"When I discovered that he had qulv
leaving any change In his pockets."
replied the young wife, sadly. Ex
change. Lost His Identity.
"So you want to get married?"
"Yes, suh I'm resigned ter it."
"Ever been mamc before?"
'Two or three times, suh."
"Don't you know for certain?"
"No, suh; atter de third one got me
I never knowed who I wuz, or how I
come here." Atlanta Constitution.
Judge What do you know ahout
Witness I seen him bring the stuff
Judge That will do; step down. I
cannot listen to such an abuse of lan
guage. Discharge the prisoner.
"Do you "think your father would ac
cept me at a son-in-law?"
"Why not? Papa Is often of a very
different opinion from me." Dorf
barbler. Unreasonable Sister.
Mamma Why, Herbert, what In the
world ts the matter with sister?
Herbert Aw, we was Just a-playln
haunted house, an' she was the ghost,
an' I give her the little chain to swal
ler so's she would clank every time
she moved, an' now she's a-cryln' an'
says she don't want to be the ghost
any more! Magazine of Humor.
Any Present Surprising.
Mr. Krorhett I'm going to surprise
you on your birthday.
Mrs. Krotchelt coldly) Indeed?
Mr. Krotchett Yes; can't you guest
what It is?
Mrs. Krotchett If you really mean
to surprise me I suppose you're going
to give me some sort of a present.
The Cut Direct
The Fork What would you do if a
man should cat with you?
The Knife I should feol inclined to
cut him. Philadelphia Record.