Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1756-1963 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the National Endowment for the Humanities external link and the Library of Congress. Learn more
Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC
Newspaper Page Text
16 MRP. PAVE SHOPPED FOR CIGARS. BHK "MATCHED" HER HUSBANDS KIND MUCH AS SHE U •!•:.!> BUY RIBBON. From Thi i hi ago X Ura i- .■ • ii married very long, so her chief stu life is pleasing Mr. Page. That young m hi r adulation w .th i om i il tie short oi ;■• rfectl m In his ey. . '' ;Vr DO «t of Uf del ■ ping in hi r hands. Thr oth'i day he Invil d ; .■■ mci friends up to dinner i he had lisl 1 to his wife's prospective ■ i tpr ssed perfect satisfa.;tion. ••That' ' he said. "1 hat's j ist t: c sort of ,■ nner thai « ill pit .< ■ :!■ in. I'll set somi I cigars dow town and we'll be ail fixed." Mr.-. !■:.-■ felt a little 'r.irt over the latter part of li.-r husl md's remark. Why did Henry always tr.^is 1 on lying his own . i^a-rs'. 1 Si:.' could get UKCIJcI SAM IP a FELLOW IS A LITTLE PA tIENT HIS ".VN GET MOST ANYTHING CHEAPER AFTER Till: UOUDAYS. (St. Paul Pioneer Press. th. just as well as not while she was purchasing the other things. 80, after arraying herself in her street frock and hat, ihe went Into Henry's "den" to find one o.' his cigars. Luckily for her there was one left, and taking it ■ lit of the jar ;;ho wrapped it car .-fully in tissue paper. Then she carried it o\er to the drug store In her muff. There were several men in there waiting for n car, for it was a frosty day. Mrs. Paßi- attracted .considerable attention as she swept past them, because she is what her husband slahglly calls a "looker." Appro ■■_■■:. clerk she said in her Bweetest, clearest tones: "I want to buy some cigars." "Yes. madam." said th« young clerk, smilingly. "What price cigars did you want. ' "Oh, 1 d n't know anything about the price, but I want some just like this one. He— my husband always smokes this kind, ••> I brought it over to match it." Meantime she had been unwrapping her tissue paji.-r parcel, which crackled loudly and Una! closed a somewhat crumple,] cigar. Thi re was a murmur oi suppressed mirth among the waiting men, bul M• - Page n 1 - Cully . I THINK III: IS I BOUT Till: MAN Pi IK TIIKSK Kit] SHOES." iPh , | .::-r Morning, Noon and Niyht Fast Irdins to Tlte West — Via NEW YORK CENTRAL NEW-YOKK TRIBUNE ILLUSmVTKD SI IMPLEMENT. WITH Till: CARTOONISTS WO THE JOKE-SMITHS. it She did not even notice how suddenly the clerk turned away, nor how red be got Ik hind his ears as he sought the back of the store. There was a whispered consultation back there between the clerk and the proprietor, who asked in Sherlock Holm.* tones: "Is she pretty well dressed? Well, give her ten straight mild llavanas." The clerk did so. Mrs. Page received her cigars and went on to market to buy her dinner. That night, as she had expected, her absent minded better half forgot to bring home any cigars. "Never mind, Henry; l got some this morning. 1 knew you'd forget them," said Mrs. Page, sooth ingly. But Mr. Page did not look soothed. Instead he seemed decidedly anxious. "You got some cigars!" be exclaimed, "Let's see 'em. Where did you get them, and how much did you pay?" He bit the end off one nervously and lighted It with studied care. "Why. that's not half bad." he said, cheerfully. "Dow on earth did you do it?" But Mrs. Page refused to telL Duly after dinner did she divulge her secret. Then, while the men were enjoying their smoke, they plied her so hard with teasing questions that she weakened and triumphantly told her little scheme. Roars of laughter greeted her story. 'Sh.- matched it!" said one jovial guest, pound ing Henry on the back In sheer excess of enjoy ment. "Matched it as she would a piece of rib bon!" "Well, anyhow," retorted Mrs. Page, nettled at their mirth. "I seem to have succeeded better than one of you silly men would have done if I had given you a piece of ribbon to match." And they were forced to admit it was true. _ a IRISH WIT IS BATTLE. A IK I. SON hit TAKKN AND TO UE TAICKN. Krora The Chicago Inter Ocean. ■| carried a green dag." said the sergeant. "In a . .mi,! many battles of tbe t':\U War. In most cases ,:■ regimental or State Bag carried with the colors ur the Stars and Stripea waa solid blue. The Irish regiments, from some of tbe Statea at least, carried ..f. . n flags instead ol blue, and it always made my heart .-well with pride to see that the green Bags in the charging line never lagged behind. Nearly uvery Irish regiment in the Union army made a guoj .. • .-ord, and 1 have always been sorry that so many anecdotes of every day experience have not : a permanent place In the war literature. "For example, there was an Irishman of tl. who while in the skirmish line at Dallas saw a pood chance to rapture a rebel. He availed ■ of tii" opportunity, captured his man, and ■ : to the rear with h:s prisoner, when ■ i out to him. Pat, let me ! .\ iil t.iK. him over to < !en< ral <;r.. s, nur ■ '' : mtli 'Nlver mind, me hoy,' replied Pat 'I W( ' k over the hill Hi. r.. ■:• yourself and fetch one of the lads , . r ..n 1 iak< h m to I;• ncr il < Sross.' \ member r>f the Chifago Irish regiment, which ,t the t me waa In the Fifteenth Corps, became very \,ii..l because he couldn't force a cartridge into his musket, fouled by continuous flrlti.^. He •... { md tried again, and at last 'ailed out t» his colonel explaining why he could not load. I; was In the mi. Ist of a furious engagement, and the id I •■! him to try aga n. Pal tri.i again, : l ■ iir the • nemy, came to an NO, LNCLK SAM ISN'T DOWN THERE lul! HIS HI.AI order arms, and stood like a statue. The colonel asked him what be ant, and Pal replied. 'Shure. I'm Jlst waitin' for a Johnny to come up till I can knock his brains out with me musket I am waitin' for him. and In the midst of the hottest possible fire be waited until the regiment charged forward." •I remember a case." said the captain, "in which an Irishman named Casey, a little mite of a man. distinguished himself at Bull Run. After everybody had been withdrawn from our line Casey remained loading and Bring, unconscious of the fact that th. regiment had retired and that be alone was holding i he advanced line. Finally he was surrounded, and a rebel grappled with him, ordering him to sur render. Casey caught his m.i ii. and shouted back to the regiment reforming in the rear, 'Colonel, Oi have a prisoner here, but he won't let me bring him in.' Casey was rescued, but he lost his pris oner." Tin: DAVUSULWD "/ Till. HEARTH. KromtThi Chi .i~'> Tribune. "Lobelia," Bait) .Mr. .M Swat, looking with crush ing sarcasm at tbe new aud shin] brass andirona in the .'!:• phi ■■■. .1" you im j;i to tell me UuU'i your taste iii firedogs?" ■■1 thought thej you, Billiger " faltered M:s. BlcSwat. 'They *•:■■ t.;.- nicest 1 could find." ■'I .:.)UKht they would suit me, did y .i? Thought I hadn't .my i«l< i metrj and beauty, dal you? Any oid kind of trap thai will hold up a stick of wood is good enough for me, is it? My taste isn't wortn consulting when you want to add to the permanent .irt treasures of ttu apartment, isn't it? Is that what you meant when you promised the preacher yeai I iuve, hiwiHT ml eh( risn me, in sli kneaa and In health" "Billiger McSwat, you're talkii •••, and j .v know it What"! the matter with those" And when I promised that I would love, honor and cherish you, !.<>:■. ;a Grubb, do y..u suppose I ■•• :U have anticipated a time when you would defile the sacred hearthstone of our home with a t- iir of hi leoua, misshapen, crippled, d. ■formed, on shjhtly, disfigured moi . ■■ . }< aa those" — "While you are about it, s:r, .jo you suppose I could ever !ia\<> anticipated a t:ir..> w hen the man who was to me the embodiment of ail that is noble, kind, gracious, manly, i . tie and •• into a fretful, sarcastic, s::a:!i!: ' i mated, tyrannical, un l >\ Ing, churlish, n Now, sir, what ia "Can't you .-■•••. my dear." s.i:d BUUger, feebly, "thi y're I on REMOVING THE CAUSE. From The Salt U.K.- Herald. The colored prisoner waa hustled before the bar of Just I i "What is the charge?" demanded the judge. "Inciting riot, jour honor," said the otlicer. •What did be dot" "It was this way. your honor: Colonel Julepson's stiver mounted corkscrew mysteriously disappeared from Its accustomed place on his sideboard. This nigger had been Been hanging around the place, and suspicion naturally fell upon him. A crowd of Indignant citizens got a rope and started to hunt for him. but 1" fore they found the nigger Colonel Julepson discovered that the corkscrew was in his hip pocket." "One hundred days at hard labor. This tendency to mob violence must be checked. Call the next '■a.s«." ANTICIPATED THE l't.i:\l isslnS . Prom The Dulutb News-Tribune. M' • >ti ra b ive many Interesting ai <\ amusing ex peri< :: ii clergyman was engaged in conversation witb a number of friends the other day, when ■ u-h started telling storiea . t" weddlnga be h.id per- I. One of :!;>' party bad tola to offer: Some time ago a great big fellow, roughly dressed, and a wee aatte of a young woman came to him. They had no Witnesses, and. in fact, did not care to have any. Nevertheless, a bridesmaid and groomsman were selected from the householl and the ceremony b<gar. They had promised to love and obey and all me rest of the serTtct; whea the preacher announced: "Kiss the brije." The bridegroom, on b»-nd«-d knee, hesitated a lit tl>-, tried to say something and couUia't. "Kiss the bride." saiil the pastor. "Why, parson. I did. afore I come here at all,* r«-piitd the bridegroom, whose fact- had taken :a» color of a June rose. The witnesses burst fonh in laughter, while the minister had all he could do to reuun the serious expression which he always wore vthtn wedding people. rllli. I.). I •■• it It That is U | Urn d i • ra me" FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION. From The Cleveland Plain Dealer. "You know what abomi::. ; . : table wine my Ven erable father-in-law-to-b..- .-tt.> txit." "Yea. It's tierce." "Well, X was his birth. ia. i 1-; S inday, and I i ok around a bottle of the b»si .iartt 1 could buy aai toll Lucy to ;>ut it at M~ elbow. Ar.J what do >oa suppose the old fellow ~^ i : " "Give it up." ' H :.Vy had ■ D From The V i.iv.- - ■ ri.iys tbe ■ : eh] Till: DACusuvsn again. .... Berlin letter in Th<> Chicago Record-HerattL - - A Yankee youngster who saw a O»rman dachs hund for the first ;im. tbe other day described it as '-half a dog high and ;i dos; and a half long." PRACTICAL CHRISTIANITY. I-.VCLE SAM— HERE. JOIIX. I'M. RE HPN'EST nu YOU; SEVE9I SIItXJONS WILL COVP? TV All DAMAGES.— ilUlumurc N«W9