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but nevei once did Grant refer to us as Rebels,
always pointedly speaking of us as "You fellows
on t hat other side.'
Grant was deeply interested in the battle i >f Gettys
burg, of which he knew only by reports, and one day
at the close of dinner he asked Pickett to explain
certain movements, marking the tablecloth with his
spoon in his inquiry. Pickett, taking up his spoon,
slowly drew on the cloth a diagram, deliberately
explaining the position held by the troops as he
went along.
"Bring me a blue pencil," ;aid Grant, as Pickett
finished, and when it was broughi he carefully
marked the lines <>f the spoon in the sofl cloth.
Thin he said, "Now bring me the shears " lie cut
out the map. t.x.k the spoon from Pickett's hand,
and carried it and the pieceof I iblecloth into the
smoking room.
Genera] Grant seemed surprised by mj
hi-* past life and in him, knowing how !>itter my
feelings had been, ami to. .k particular pains to tell
me many a little incident about himself To my
inquiry about his liking v - •H;<-:,' life, he replied;
Had S«Kiner Bo a Farmer
Nt); on the contrary. 1 preferred any other occu
pation, that ■>f stage driver, farmer, anything
to being a soldier. Whin my father t<»l<t < »I< Ime
that he had secured for me ;in appointment to West
Point I said, '1 sha'n't go. 1 M\ father replied, '1
think you will.' 1 thought so too, after
Grant concluded
If Grant had any distinct aspiration when he was
in the academy I hold
a professorship of mat •. lie modestly said
that he might have stood very near the head of his
if it had Keen t uriled '
■ : ins give him a; • the line I.
Grai ■ of a fight
iving
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1 up< 'II belli;; in
■ er, " You have
'
no other i
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I ' ! ' •:!!'. all 1 <
11 .id
•; file
lie 1 . .-.leer.-,
AFTER DINNER SPEAKING
-V T
sp-akri ,■.
tion from the ■■■ i ion, I lan, or the pre
i edin,- ■ his audience he
place, the hour, and the wine may rob one
• ■ !:.. i, in itead of nutting words
into !. It emph old axiom, "A
■ imai h i . ihe i I
dinnei ■ no one can always do his best or
ill extent ■ ty; out he can do the
ite for th ■
'.at 111 th(
! or in 111 1 m I it . und after dinner aud
n under I •. >ement.
No Monopoly in America
IT i i ommon mi ,• America
has a monopoly of po .tprandial orators, and that
evei \ I hinj> heard atn lor ped .gical;
but I do believe that the American will taki
prize upon his delivi ; . 1 1<- itands up and says what
he ha it any "Ifs" or " But .." and
striki from the shoulder, sending forth
•! iatire or philosophy with an unpre
meditated air; while the Englishman punctuates his
speet h with "Ahs" and "Urns" to a painful ■:■
The French are noted for wit, and the An
for humor; and if humoi • le ins a keen idea ot the
ludicrous, giving grotesque descriptions ami unex
pected contrasts, then Simeon Ford is among the
foremost speakers in this country. What could be
funnier than Sim's speech at the bankers' annual
banquet, which he started of! with:
"If you really want to know the meaning of the
terms 'marble heart" and icy eye,' go into one of
these refrigerating plants for a loan when money is
tight. It is prudent at such times to wear ear muffs,
and red mittens fastened together by a tape so they
can't l>e lost, for you will need 'em. As mm.ii as you
reach the outer air. which will be m about a second,
run home and plunge the extremities in hot water
and place a porous plaster on what remains of v..ur
self esteem. Sometimes I've thought I'd rather go
without the money than gel a congested chill in a
bank president's office, and have him gaze into my
eyes, and read the inmost scents of my soul, and ask
unfeeling questions, and pry rudely into my past , and
throw out wild suggestions about getting Mr. Asu.r
to indorse for me, ami other similar atrocities."
It is, after all, the timely speech that tells, and add
to this capacity the call for litness and you will Ik.
SUNDAY MAGAZINE FOR APRIL 28. 1907
and was elected Colonel. Another man. wh
higher aspirations and thought thus a stepping stone
t" the attainment <>f his wishes, confided his desire
to (Irant. who told him thai he was n<>? a candidate
for the place and would not accept it He
p mied the regiment !•> Springfield, where ':
asked by the Governor if he knew how many men
it t.idk ti> make a company and how many were
required for a regiment. Upon satisfying the Go -
ernor of his acquaintance with these details, '.
requested ti> take a place m the Goven
and assist in detail work.
Would Do as He Was Told
GOVERNOR YATES asked a caller what kii
man (Iran! was, saying that though lie was a
Wi ■ Pointer he would noi ai i epl v
he had been elected The caller replied that Grant
Itelonged to ilar army, where there wi
elections; that if the Governoi
>uld aj>|x»i«t him to any j ►« >->it i. >n hi
consulting him, and (irant would accept it 1\
upon the Governor made him <'"!"iiel of a regiment
<-t Illinois volunteers, and (ira:
impression that h<- was ab tdder
of military promotion as he was ever lik<
After tin' war, when there was a senatorial contest
n Vatesand Washburne Isof Wash
burne i 'aimed especial considei
date on the plea that he gave Grant
\ ites replied, "God gave t'.rant I intry,
and 1 signed las commission." and raising hi
hand he added, "The most gloi
fingers ever did was to writ . nature : "
the surrender of an
unconquered in
and ci overwhelming ftened
He Traced ihe Lin.-« on the Tablecloth
By PATRICK FRANCIS MURPHY
•■'us with applause The only talent that you
can rely upon from those who hear you is the over
stimulated •ii j- of humor; for all regard is given
now unreservedly to the feast ol folly. They sit
down to eat and drink. and rise up to play; and for
such ■ speech made bj lob lledg<
New England dinner »as specially adapt ive. 1 1<
"This Mayflower tradition which has been rudely
attacked here to-night trout-led my soul l(
didn't come over in the Mayflower, wl
1 d 'ii't km iw, and 1 <!• >n't care. If i >ur ancestors had
over in the Lucania, they would have been
failures. There would have been nothing accom
1 I lad they found ready made homes, they
ir individuality. The necessity
intain life and insure peace caused
mental and moral growth. Struggle and
rnonyms. Early momentum will not cai
Our ancestors survived by commu
nity of effort ; we live b) individual effort, forj ■
oftentimes that we arc but parts of the community.
Preserve the Government
Wive such faith in the way our ancestors run
the Government they founded that we leave
red relic. It should be frequently
reserve it. Adoration for the past
will not maintain the present. We are not entitled
to enjoy without paying the price in aggressive
lnj) for our privileges. I don't agree with the
peakei and lam speaking now wit!
temerity of youth on the subject of immigration.
1 think the great danger to this country is from the
over educated, the men who know all and do
not lun-. We are suffering from a superfluity K>i
ideas. Every once in awhile some great statesman
issues a Clarion note and then retires He awakes in
the morning expecting to find a ran- regenerated,
and is astonished that is it not Is it possible
that we don't think except in moments of extremity?
"No nation can conquer this great country The
only people on earth who can defeat the Americans
are Americans, ami the chances are in their favor.
I believe that we are a part of a providential dis
pensation. 1 am hound to believe that while we
workout our own destiny we are bound to work out
the destiny oi others And 1 say. as we rise in the
scale, the greater our responsibility. No man can
live alone and be happy No man should live alone
and be allowed to be happy. If it was in my meager
great hearted man whom destiny had led to the
dominant place in this impressive scene. In after
years General Grant explained that the story that
General Lee offered his sword and he refused it was
pure fiction. The thought of side arms had not once
entered his mind until he was writing out the tenria
of -surrender. Chancing to look up. he saw General
Lee glance down at the magnificent sword given to
him by the State of Virginia. It Hashed upon htm
what an added heartbreak it would be to the great
soldier to part from a weapon so endeared to hi •■ ;v
sacred memories, and he immediately inserted the
clause which reserved to the Confederate officers the
right to retain their side arms.
After the surrender not .1 sound was heard in 'he
Federal camp. Not a drum beat nor a shout broke
the stillness that tell over the Army of the Pbtcrnac.
A stranger looking on might have thought that
Grant's men were keeping the sullen silent v of a
defeat . After I >ng and weary years of war peace hid
come. The roar of the guns had died away among
the hills. The sweep* of the sword no longer Sashed
lightning across the vales. But there was nol a
sound of joy nor a note of triumph. In solemn
stillness the great army kept watch beside the grave
of a dead nation and a sorrowing people's !.<>j>os.
Grant had issued an order that there should be no
cheering.
Parting ot the General*
THE tendei
•;
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now • '. |
I i an
I shall never
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the human race to do as 1 would have
them, because I might If wrong. It seems almost
impossible, but still I might be. But 1 should asfc
them to think, which sometimes isadimcul: th:::-^ to
do; l>eeause some people think and others •■ r'.ly
imagine.
"Of course, it is a simple and foolish thing ' ". ry
to instruct the New England Society on anytl !;».
1 understand that this society is It. and that a
question properly accepted here is a concluded
proposition. 1 was warned by a member bet re 1
spoke that it was seldom that this society invited
a man a second time, and I made up my mind I
would have a good time even ii I presided at my
own wake.
Something to Be Thankful for
THANK God there is one man to follow me and
JL by keeping him waiting I am getting even
on many an old score! Standing as I <.\o upon the
threshold of to-raorrowr, knowing how nncomlortaW«
the gentleman is who is to follow me, I just wan!
say to him that 1 have been there myself. Knowing
now that my life as a guest is about to !>e snuife I
out. 1 want to say to you gentlemen that I have had
a pretty good time; not quite what I had antici
paled, but still I have had worse. Whatever I lack i:
from inexperience and not endeavor But the last
man— l could deliver a panegyric upon the last man
"With a patience synonymous with my Christian
name. I have sat through many an evening and bet
with myself on the number who would remain, and
lost, until 1 am hardened to everything except
physical violence; am! yet 1 d^ appreciate this com
pliment. I am not going to take the chance that
some of the gentlemen have taken, and say. "I am
about to close"; not at all. because I am not about
to close. 1 waited for this for ten long years, and
while it has not come in just the way I wanted it.
thank God it has come! And now 1 will pick up the
tangled threads oi my discourse. Nevertheless. I
am indebted to you, beggar thai I am. 1 am pool
in thanks, but still 1 thank you. and am really about
to sit down. But Ido not wish to leave you without
the thought that while I enjoy being here, and
enjoy your applause — and you know I have r ru-d
to earn my ten-dollar dinner— in my heart '. must
concur inmost that has been said, and, gentlemen, 1
leave this table with solicitation; and 1 wish to say
further, you have the advantage of my distinguished
consideration.".
