THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF
MARK TWAIN
I- . I
■a> bom heedless: an i
therefore 1 was con
stantly, ... un
consciously, commit
ting breaches of the
minor proprieties
which brought upon
me humiliations which
>ugbt to;have humili
ated me but didn't,
because I didn't know anything had
happened. But Livy knew; and so
the humiliations fell to her share.
poor child! «'ho had not earned them
and did not deserve them. She always
said I was the most difficult child she
had. She was very sensitive about me.
It (Sstresse : her to see me do heedless
tiisg* vhi h could bring me under
ailaasm in I so she %vas always watch
fa! and alert to protect me from the
tsd -y. transgressions v.hich I have
been spc iking of.
When i svas leaving Hartford for
Kashmgton upon the occasion referred
to. she aid. I have written a small
traminc ,: i put it in a pocket of your
cress \-r • When you are dressing to
po to th auth us' reception at the
White ii • :. '. iv will naturally put your
fcger- is . ur vest jtockets, according
to you: . ■ :: and you will find that
l.ttk note there Read it carefully,
and d-j as it tells you. I cannot t>e
t^ith v iv and so I delegate my sentry
teks ft::- httk note. If I should
give vju ihe v.-arning by word of
month now it would pass from your
he^d.iri be forgotten in a few min
ctes.*'
Itv.i-, I'r- ident Cleveland's fir-t term.
1 hid never seen his wife.— the young,
the beautiful, the good hearted, the
Sjnjpatfaeti . the fascinating. Sure
no-igh. jut as 1 had finished dress
t'j go to the Wh:te House I found that
little note, which I had long ago forgot
.... It v. 15 a grave little note, a
Brians little note, .-—-.• but it made me
l*ugh. Livy's gentle gravities often produced that
cfect upon me, where the expert humorist's best
joke vould have failed, for I do not laugh easily.
Wh-n v.- reached ••:■ White House and 1 was
thaiinf hands •-• ith the President, he started to say
"Thing; .;....-. an<3 said:
*If Your Excellency will excuse me. 1 will come
tick in a m rment; but now I have a very impor
tat matter t . attend to. and it must be attended to
at once."
I turned t i Mr-. Cleveland, the young, the beau-
■ •■■■.• fascinating: and gave her my carl, on the
backof which 1 had --•••• "He didn't." and I asked
•*rto sign her name bdow those words.
Sbesaid, 'He didn't! He didn't what?"
"Oh," I ;i-i. "never mind. We cannot to
discuss that now. This is ... Won't you please
£:gr. wnrmme?" I handed her a fountain pa
"Why," -h- said. "I cannot commit myself in
Cat«ay. Wh • is t that didn't? And v.hat is it
that he did:.'-''"
■'Oh.*' 1 sai i, ••time is flying, Pying. flying! Won't
Ton take me >ut of mv distref tnd sisn your name
t3 it": It's all right " 1 give you my vrord it's all
I ?ht."
She looked nonplussed; but hesitatingly a::d me
thaEicallv she took the pen and said, "I will sign
*- ] will take the risk. But you must tell me
£ " about it right afterward, so ... you can be
*~«ted before you get out of tne house in case
t •■ should be ....... about this."
Jnensh- signedfand I handed her Sirs: Clemens's
to te, ■Rhuh was very brief, very simple, and t-> the
Kj?*- I- -.at-i. ' D'jnt wear Your arctics m the
Kisite House."
• ' made her shout; and at my request she sum
ccntd a messenger, and we sent that card at once
■the mail on its way to Mrs. Clemens in Hartford.
Mark's Political Pull
V^niEX the little Ruth was ... year
t : ". »* a halt" old; Mason, an old amd valued friend
I j pane, u-as Consul General at Frankfort- m-the
*^^- 1 had known him well in 1867, 66 and '6q in
J: tr:ca . »ad J and mine had spent a g'H.d deal of
«ne v.,th him and his famfly ....... -,
i/^' as a taorotsghly ■•■•;• and con-
JPWfaOUS oflk-iai. Indeed he jKissessed these quali
,l? ! ? Vj Ja^e a degree that among American Con
£* th a " Kht kaly be said to be monumental. f<»r
thiri' •' t:mc " ur c'*nsusarc '* nsu sar service was largely. an 1
-_^J_may bay roainlyj in the hands of ignorant,
. • ■• ■
Having Fun with the Clevelands
-fa Buffalo You Were Nothing but a Shenff. I Wat m Society. Sa.J Mark I warn.
vulgar. and mca-übk- men who had ...... political
heelers in America, and had been taken care oi by
fansterence to consulates where they could be sup
ported at the Governments expense instead ot
i,eing transfer! I to the poorhouse. which would
have beer, cheaper and more patriotic. , ■■
■■■-..: been Consul General tn frank
fort Several vear>-fuur. 1 think. He had come from
Marseilles with a great record. He had been Consul
there during thirteen year... and one part 01 ......
v as heroic. There had been a desolating cholera epi
demic, and Mason was the only representative of
any foreign country who stayed at his post and saw
h through. And during that time he not only repre
sented his owi, country, but he represented all trie
other countries in Christendom; and did the:^,,
an ,l did it well, and was prated for it b> them in
words of no uncertain sound. 1 his great Kcoraoi
Mason's had saved him from official decapitation
StrSht along while Republican Presidents
nied the chair; but now it was occupied b> a Demg
£at Mr. Cleveland was not seated in it— he was
not -efnau-urated. -before he was deluged with
,l«-ati:!n. from Democratic politicians desiring
ne appointment of a thousand or so PoHticaUy
ireful 1 Democrat, to Mason's p^.ce. (*%££;*&
later MaSon wn-te me and asked me if I couldn t do
something to save him from destruction . ■
1 v.-as very anxious t<. keep him m his place * but
■ lt •■ • I could not think ..1 anyway to help him
f,,r I-as a mugwump. We. the mugwumps) a little
SmpanyfnSdf u P of the unenslaved ot both par
ti, >. the' verv best men to be lotmd 111 the t«u great
, ); , rtlt , s ._ t hat was our idea of it— voted sixty
i,,usand strong for Mr. Cleveland g^J^J*
and elected him. « »ur principles were hign and %
definite: We were not a party; we had
« had no ■•-■■-.'■...■;-
By our r - ask ' " °™
n. regard
name. We had no other creed. Vote for the best
man— that was creed enough.
Ruth as Intermediary
s-v ; ■ .; ■
save • ■ •■"'..-.
. .. . : . ..... , • ■ lutj to try to keep
... .... . hen he was alread) there M •
.- .., eas> n■■ Ii 1 ■-'- nc»i be quite d<
fora ■ 11 ptoapproa ; I"; ideni dii
b u t i .1. I ippr ... h him 1 lirectl) with all deli
( -v smce us that case n A ■■■ »urtes> would re
quire him to take noti t oi ai application whi h n 1
one could pr »ye had ever rea hed him.
Yes it was easy and simple sailing now. 1 • ■•■.. 1
• lV ,. -. lt l •: before Ruth m her cradle, and wail
, .....•• 1• • »te the little child, and said I
aU thal 11 : ■■■ • been a; ing about mug 11 p
.:.. ..,-. , i ■ tation whi< h they pul up >n
..;.. ] .. ..... : - • • »ul 1 not be proper I
. [;ither m Mr Mason's behalf; but 1
ed to her Mr Masons high and honorable
/. , i; . 1 U g g estedthal ;he take the matter m her
n hand md do a patriot! work which I felt
I , ih - /enturuig upon myseU. 1
iske ,i her to i »rgel thai he. I ither was only 1 resi
.. ■...,-• .:. i her subjeel 11 i
. • [asked her noi I 1 pui her application in
. , , mm an I. ;'-;; '-;- • ■ modify tt. and Rive
h ... nctitiou md pleasanter form ol a mere re
.,- ■ ■■:. ib. :. 1 harm to let him Rratity
...... ■ .. •" that he was independent
and( ..; i , he pleased in the noatter 1 begged
;.,.. . . . .- •■ , : I plei • •■- it, upon the proposi
...... .. ..-, \, ,- •• in his place would <■■ a
........ t ] . n ,•; m . to enlarge upon tnat,
, U 1 .:: other msiderations.
•■",'.':,,. ...V. ,r., r . rived a fett^from the President
. . ; . hand, signed b) his own han I.
■ ■ ; . intervention, and thanking
. . ... . . ■ , the countn the
I in( j a servant asMason
Sd t£nkmg g m, ib for the ..U-taiU-d lullm- .:
Paris.
When He Met Cleveland
DURING the time that we were living in Buffalo in
•-o '-i M- Cleveland is sheriff; but I never
happened'to make bis acquaintances even see him.
I- fact I suppose 1 was not even aware of his tx-
Se?ce : .Fourteen years later, he was become the
ereaSt -nan in the' State. I was not living in the
State at the time He was Governor, and was about
, ■■;., .. , the post of President of the United
States! At that time 1 was on the public highway
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