THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF
MARK TWAIN
The Coming American Monarchy -- Fooling a Mesmerizer
[Dicta-:: Uecejibek i;. i r o<»]
A 6 r- : U the coining American monarch)-: It
A,- .:. of moo had been
- ■• [State bad been
*- heard from that the chairman of the ban
quet said
*In thi urr.e of unrest it is of great satisfaction
that sue:. ;i man as you. Mr. Root, is chief adviser
of tht- !':• : lent."
Mr. Ro -. then got up and m the most quiet and
order!-, a :.:u-r touched off the successor to the San
Franc ••;>. . nthquake. As a result, the several State
prremtaeals were well shaken up and considerably
eeakene.J Mr. R<x#t was prophesying. He was
prophes} .. and it ■ -•m- bo me that no shrewder
■adsnrtar forecasting ha been done in thi- country
*>r a good ;:ianv years.
He <i: ■; not say m so many words that we are
proceeding :n a beady march toward ev.-ntual and
unavoidable replacement of the Republic by mon
archy; but I *up]*»e he was aware that that i- the
case.' ]]..■ notes the several step>. the customary
steps, wh h m all the ages, have led to the cons-.li<la
&o of loose and scattered eoyernmental forces into
bnmdable centralizations of authority . but he stops
there, and doesn't add up the >urn He is not tm
"aie that heretofore the sum ha> l>een ultimate
nwoarchv and that the same figures can lairly l>e
uiK.n to furnish the same >urn whenever
and rherever they can »■ produced. -■ l""g ;t>
buman natme shall remain as it is : but it was not
maKm that he do the adding, since anyone can ao
«: neither would it have been gracious in him "
do it
In observing the changed conditions which m the
course of time have made certain and sure the even
tual seizure by the Washington Government ol a
nasaber <.f State duties and prerogatives which nave
'•w betrayed and neglected by the sewral states
he d, not attribute th— • changes and the vast
-esults v huh are Vj nW fr-»m them to any though*.
•at policy f any party or of any body oCdreamers
«»r schemers but mperly and rightly attributes
them- that Stupendous power. Circumstance
•hich- by laws of its own, regardless ol panic*
and policies, and whose decrees are final, and mv» 4
>- obeyed by all— and will be The railway is a
drcumstaiice'. the steamship is a Circumstance, we
tefcfrapb is a Circumstance. They were mere nap-
I^b R s. rid to the whole world the wise and the
■BbsK alike, they were entirely trivial. who!l\ m
ct »aiequential ; indeed silly, comical, grotesque, -^o
?*n. and do party, and no thought out pob saiOj
'Behold, v.c ■■ ill build railways a— d steamships ana
graphs, and presently you'wili see the condition
aadjvay of life of everym an and woman and child
... .. v ■ : _. • Bim i*
1 Perec. ved That S.mmon, Wm * .H.n* 'Me *h AH H. 5 M.gnt
in the nation totally changed : unimaginable
of law and custom will follow, in spite of anything
that anybody ■ in do to prevent it
Knows What He Talks About
THE changed conditions have come, and Circum
stance knows what is following, and will foUo*
So does Mr Root Hi- language is not ant-tear
it is crystal :
Our whole life ha* swung away from the old State cen
ter-; and i^ crystallizing about national centers.
The old barriers which kept the States a
separate communities are completely lost lrom sight.
That [State] power of regulation and control
is T J-r n « l into thehands of the national Govern
'"■!".. ...,-ih- l.v an assertion of the interstate cotrmerce
-v «; \<"net.rm- l.v m assertion of the taming pow . the
ffi. ot neces^ry control where the States themselves
[33 in the performance of their duty .
81#iliH
not the slightest control
The end i- not yet. . , , ,
I, is a true »<ml. We a re on the notch; 1>». at
(l ' vt - nin "' :it . ,.r thlt has i smister meaning
1^ —
Can't* Help Being Born So
i ..h.titi- I suppose we must
UIMAN nature U-.iik «h. »^ |■. I I , b h
nature: we re .t!i alike, wo human
beings: iind :n >ur ■■::■•
and ineradicable^ we carry the seeds
..\tt of w huh monarchies in.l aristoc
racies are grown: worship of : gauds,
titles; distinctions, power. We have
•... worship these things and their
:h: h is.-,«.-sst >r> . — we are .ill born so, and
we cannot help it. We have to U
despised by somel>od> whom we re
gard as above us. ->r we ■'■■ not
happy: we. have to have somebody
tn worship and envy, .>r we cannot
be content
In America we manifest this m
all the ancient and customary ways
In public ■..• * ■:• at titles and
hereditary privilege; but privately
•.<• hanker after them and when we
get a chance .•■ buy them for cash
and .i daughter. Sometimes we -''" !
a good man and worth the price;
but we are ready to take him any
way, whether he be ripe or rotten;
whether he U- clean and decent; >t
merely a basket of noble and sacred
and 1""X descended offal. And when
we get him the whole nation publicly
chaffs and scoils.^-f-and privately
envies.— an.i also is proud >f the
honor h has been conferred upon
us. We run over our list of titled
purchases every now and then in the
newspaper and discuss them and
caress them and ire thankful and
happy.
Like all the other nations; we wor
hip money and the possessors of it
— they being our aristocracy^ and we
have to have one We Like to read
about rich people in the papers: the
papers know it. and they do their
best to keep this apatite liberally fed.
The , even leave out a football bull fight now and
then' to get room for all the particulars of how , at
cording t.. the display heading "Rich Woman Fell
Down Cellar-N..t Hurt- The falling down the
■ell is of no interest to us w hen the woman is not
rich? but no rich woman can fall down cel lar and
; not "Jam to know all about it and wish it was us.
In almonarchy the people willingly and re,..,. -
mclv revere and take pride in their nobilities, and
; em, humiliated by the reflection that tins humble
and hearty homage gets no return but .... -.|
Contempt does not shame them: the> an. used .
it and they recognize that it is then propn due
\Ve re all" made like that. In Euroi»e we easil>
and learn to take that tb
sovereiens md the mst<K racies; moreover.
C-, ,T^rv.-.l th.,T vhen -■ get the attitude we go
.ervile than the natives, and nine '' «■ ;l; u^
kingship, not !>\ popular vote ltnavoida ble is I
mmmm
archy can W- postiwned for a g 1 wnik yet.
Coming of the Mesmer.rer
[Dictated December i. iqo* .
'a V exerting event in our village (Hannibal) was
A\he mval of the mesmerizer. 1 think the year
meim "thas Served them carefully and Bung away
things of real value to give them space and mate
AeTcomfortabk The truth . a . nieiMor •■
haTno more sense than his conscience, and no
'.Vn-Uat^n whatever of vato« an.i I'^l-rt,.^
However, never mind those trifling incidents; m>
subiect is the mesmerizer no« - .
It adverted his show, and promised marvels.
\, missiun S usual: tuentv-tive , ent and
XeSoWtaS price The village had heard of«W-
S m a general way but tod not
it vet. Not many people attended the first nigfct;
r