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New-York tribune. (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, July 05, 1908, Image 56

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5
WIT FLEES BEFORE THE GUEST BOOK
When Torture Volume Con
fronts One, Origi
nality Wilts.
Life is full of surprises, few of which are mor»
disconcerting than the sudden presentation of a
"guest book" to one who has been pleasantly en
tertained, with the request that he inscribe in it a
sentiment before his departure Those hostesses
v. ho employ this form of torture— and. thank Heav
en: they are not as numerous as they used to be
put the big. leather-bound book before the victim,
as though conferring upon him a favor. To make
it worse, the hostess oftea confidently intimates
that the lines the guest will pen will fairly scin
i:».ite with brilliancy and originality. In the face
t,f such pleading and expectation that is a cruel
fate which suggests nothing better than:
] thir.k and think and think, in vain:
At last I think 111 ■■::•.• my r.ame.
Or tout .other sentimental standby:
The rose is red. the violet blue:
Pupa sw«-et, and so are you.
Aft<=r a hearty dinner guests have been known
to take refuge in lines more true and trite than
eloquent, and write- in the guest book,
Too lull lor utterance.
TEE EUROPEAN HOTEL GUEST BOOK.
Somehow, few mind inscribing their sentiments
in the hotel guest book so ramiliar to European
travellers. We have spent such pleasant hours on
& rainy day poring over the illustrations which
thes? books often contain, sketched with reference
to local happenings: the skits and rhymes with
which former hotel guests have filled its pages,
and their contributions have proven so provocative
of gates and good comradeship that few have
felt unwilling to add their effusions, however weak.
for the amusement of those who will follow. The
matter takes on quite another appearance, how
ever, when one is brought face to face with the
proposition of recording in a private guest book
the heal that is in one in poesy art or prose, where
It will be subject to the critical examinations of
friends who know us and of people whom we want
to know and- who, perhaps, might have wanted to
know us before they read that :ndj-x to our minds
or dispositions in the lateful guest book of a pri
vate house.
This kind of guest book, like the human nature
which it represents, has its good and bad qualities.
For one thing it incites in many a desire" to write
legibly, tat there are those who do not hesitate
to carry on their correspondence in characters not
i.ways known to the world and which will require
a Rosetta stone to make intelligible to the next
generation, who nevertheless think so highly of
the matter to be inscribed in the guest book that
they want to write it so that "all who run may
read "
Or. the other bawd may be found person* wio

AN EXPEDIENT.
Mr*. Exe Goodby. I'm sorry my husband isn't in. I wish I knew some way of t^ep/ng
t\m at home a little more.
i Mrs. — Let him buy a motor car.
Mrs Exe — Why, he'd be out more than ever then.
Mrs' Wye— Oh dear, no! Mrs. Dasher tells me her husband bought a motor a few days ago,
mr-* *ho doctor W* he won't bo out for six weeks. —Jliuur-ua Biu.
"° . ■ i "
HE'D RATHER WALK.
— I>es Molnes Register and Leader
take a mischievous delight in so inditing their
w;t and wisdom as to nuke it undecipherable to
the uninitiated.
RECALLS FORGOTTEN EPISODE.
Betides encouraging the almost lost art of a culti
vated handwriting, the guest book, while inviting
the outpouring of soul and flight of sentimental
fancy, really acts as a monitor, inculcating reti
cence and prudence.
"Have you ever." asked a young matron the
other day. "turned the leaves of a guest book with
your good man, John, and come suddenly upon a
love affair of your own, facetiously set forth and
illustrated by a certain gay Charles of your ac
quaintance? Do you recall how John glowered as
he read the text below a sketch of two lovers in a
buggy, oblivious to the fact that their vehicle is
stuck fast in a muddy road, which ran thus:
The mud -was soft and so was Bess.
And that mi why Tom squoze her;
He didn't (last to let her go.
For fear that he might lose her.
"There is more of the doggerel, for Charles goes
on to say— and to Illustrate— the napless and
happy levers were discovered, to the vast enjoy
ment of everybody except the parties most con
cerned. You berate the abominable misuse of Eng
lish and good taste on the part of certain person
ages, and John agrees with you" but he doesn't
do it pleasantly nor does he treat the matter as
one too trivial to deserve attention.
"The guest book has taught many a man the
folly of wooing where wedding was not within im
mediate contemplation, or. perhaps, not within the
cardiac horizon at all. Not until Arthur has In
spired his Maud with interest in a. merry picnic
party, of which he formed one the previous sum
mer, does he come upon a forgotten page in his
hostess's guest book wherein a being very like
himself is depicted kneeling before a goddess who
does not bear the least semblance to Maud. His
discomfiture is complete when Maud remarks
bttingly: "No wonder you treasure such fond rec
ollections of that picnic'"
STIRS PLEASANT MEMORIES.
On the other hand, the guest book is full of
pleasant memories, even Though these sometimes
turn up. like Tennyson's "crown of sorrows." to
remind of "happier things." It is delightful to
come unexpectedly upon characteristic sayings of
dear and distant friends— to be brought, as it were.
face to face with their smiles, within sound of
their laughter. It is sweet to read a sentiment
clothed in a handwriting once dear, and remem
bered only with sore cloth and rue. Between its
covers the guest book holds the epitome of life, but
most of all it aims to hold the light of laughter
and the lilt of song.
To many, however, the guest book is an enemy
to peace. It becomes an obligation not to be
avoided. Inspiration is a tricksy jade and wilfully
evades the man who would wrest from her sent]
ments of proper appreciation of the hospitality he
has enjoyed. Pointedly and charmingly to epltom-
NEW-YORK DAILY TRIBUNE, SUNDAY, JULY 5, 1908.
ize the delights of a visit and the delightsome-ness
of those who have engineered its enjoyment re
quires a readiness of wit and facility in the art of
expression which few possess. Curiously enough,
those who do possess these qualities complain that
they are deserted by them at the very moment a
guest book appears.
This fateful volume assumes the place of the
old-fashioned autograph album, but it-Is more ter
rifying because it demands more. The beau of
twenty years ago could copy any bit of senti
mental verse in an album, or even escape by
merely writing his signature. He has no such
pleasant task to-day. He must be original, even
if the only original possession he has been born to
is original sin. If he assures his hostess of this
fact she smilingly assents that she knows it, but
that she feels sure he can think of something nice
to sny He tries to remember all the nice things
he thought of before the guest book appeared and
fails.
GUEST BOOK STILL PURSUES.
H*» wonders miserably whether another invitation
to this delightful house depends upon his success
in properly expressing enjoyment of the visit just
terminating. His hostess appears satisfied with
anything at all in the way of a sentiment, but all
the way home he thinks of things that he might
have written and wonders how he could ever have
been foolish enough to write what he did.
There are men who evade this manifest duty
and who even have confessed to hiding the volume
they dreaded. Success has not rewarded their ef
forts. Scarcely has such a man reached his home
when a flat package reached him containing a
blank page and accompanied by a note from his
hostess, who laments that the guest book was un
accountably missing at the time of his departure,
and assures him that she has had her book made
with detachable leaves especially for the con
venience of guests.
His fate has overtaken him. He resigns himself
to it with a groan and realires that the guest book
is an affliction of Providence which he can no
more eatily evade than he can avoid paying his
dinner calls.
THOUGHTS ON AIRNOTS
And Also on the High Passenger
Rates for Balloon Travel.
Hiishimura Togo, in Collier's Weekly.
I am givpn to understood by newspaper infor
mation thai Right Bros, famous airnots, has
solved problem nf air navigation again by very
delicious wreckage. Them Right Bros fly-tests is
always shot on* with entire secrecy, so that Jap
anese navy won't be there to represent itself. This
time them sky-boat manoever were witnessed by
les? than two thousand persons, mostly reporters,
inventors & foreign powers, who seen very nicely
from bushes twenty-five miles away where they
was hid out of range of Hon. Right's shoot-gun.
New airship of Right Bros is called Mad Hen 11.
because them crafts should all be named after
some bird what they act like. Hon. Bell's airboat
are called "White Wings" because they never
grow weary of trying to. That Mud Hen II are
a 6-cylinder, runabout type of airoplane built on
model of 3 pancakes and worked with strings
which Hon. Right have attached to thumbs & toes.
To start them ship Hon. Right lays himself on
etummick and runs the engine with his teeth.
When he wish to go up he raise elbows & de
presses toes. When he wish to come down he
6tand on his head.
On this trip Right Bros start navigating from
Killed Devil Hill, which is in Southern States.
After considerable scientifick prepare them ship
were seen to make following emotion:
I— lt went up.
2—lt2 — It came down.
After successful flight Orville Right were found
comfortably setting on his airship in middle of
Elkins swamp. Except for - vings fraxured. en
gine twisted off, propeller gone & framework on
fire, them machinery landed without a mishap.
Hon. Right were congratulating himself by
6haJcing his broken hand
I am morely pleased that aireal navigation will
be very cheap sport for poor mans. Hickory wood
are cheap, canvas are cheap, nails are cheap & life
are cheap. Ail them Is necessary for one good air
ship. You can borrow 1 gas engine from another
automobile. Next choose some bird what look safe
& Intelligent & built your fly-machine to resemble
it. If you admire for pidgeons, then built one
pidgeon-toe airplane. If you think hawks is most
pleasant fliers, all well; then make a. hawkish air
boat. Nail all them airship together with consid
erable canvas & light hickory corners, fasten on
them gas engine what you have borrowed, carry
such machinery to vacant plains & teach it to fly
like the bird what you admire most much.
AH airships can fly, but some of them Is very
hard to teach.
Last yesterday I was tooking a feetwalk by
lonesome hill of Berkeley. Among daisy-cup grassy
of steep slope I seen some machinery In attitude of
mechanical expectation. It were a very cross-look
ing machinery like a blsickel whose mother was a
eallboat. Several Hon. Professors was standing
around to encourage Hon. Airnot with statistlk
about dying for science. Hon. Airnot speak of
relatives in Kansas City and regret sinful youth
with considerable paleness.
"What you so tremble for?", eject Professor with
Ben Tlllman expression. "Are it possibly that you
are afraid to go up?" _■<■'
"O earnestly no!" collapse them Airnot, . "I are
•OLu fearless about going up, but it are thoughts
CAN HE MAKE IT WORK?
of going down what give me them quaker feeling
at elbow."
More excitable preparation then. One Professor
arrive with, tex-book entitle. "How Do It to Fly";
yet some other bring telescope for see him long off.
One medical Doctor was also present with muck
rakes, etc., so as to scrape them Airnot off trees
in case of. Nervous tense enjoyed by all.
So Hon. Airnot say farewell speak to persons
present, including Hon. Wife who was in Chicago.
He also mention several technical terms with con
siderable emotion & all Scientists present weep
with eyes. Next he place self carefully to seat
with assistants of one Irish man what was there
mereiy to labor. Silence for pulses.
"Are you ready?" inquire Hon. Professor v.'lth
voice.
"Are!" response them birdy hero.
"Then go it:" suggest Hon. Professor. Awful
breathlessness. Hnn Airnot with brave grasp of
wrist throw handle-crank to start engine. Nothing
happen. Surprise frcm all. Hon. Airnot then speak
automobile language & pull more crank-wheel with
thumbs. Complete indifference from them engine.
"Chaloric energy are hypnotized," say one Scien
tist who supposed he knew.
'You have forgot-it to put in gasolene." corrode
Irish man what was there to labor.
"So have!" say Airnot. So Hon. Gasolene was
poured to engines with can.
Once more prepare to start. Hon. Airnot take
seat. Quick jerk to crank-handle. O banzai! Whirr
of angry rages from engine. Entire fly-machine
get palpitation to resemble rooster severed from
its b-ains. Irish man give shove, & entire bird-boat
inoi . along ground on bisicke! wheels. More fast
& more faster it go, kicking up pebbles in frantick
enjoyment, some time rising to astonishy hight of
X inch, now & yet bumptious to large stone and
appearing anxious to fly, but not sure how; till of
suddenly it make very restful flop against fence
post & stop desiring to continue.
Loud shouting from all Aero Clubs present.
"I ask to know." I require, "for why does all
make such pagan noise of gladness?"
"For following reason. " decrop one Professor,
"because aireal navigation are solved. "
"All airships is modelled to resemble some kind
of birds," I say for interview. "Some to resemble
sparrows, some to resemble hawk— what species or"
birdy are this fly-boat modelled to resemble?"
"It are modeled to resemble a ostrich," say Hon.
Airnot. picking up some fingers he lost.
"But a ostrich are not able to fly," I suggest.
"Neither are this airship," say Hon. Airnot in
whispering voice so as U. S. Govt might not over
heard.
Bo all sujurn to Airo Club banquet with excep
tion of Hashimura Togo & Hon. Irish which was
not invited. We set together on grassy hill for
slight conversation about human progress.
"Of surely. Mike," s>ay Irish with smoke-pipe of
dangerous shortness, "Airshiyping are a grand
sporty."
"It are still a low-down science." I mangle.
"Why a package of foois should do ft. I am will
ing to be ■earcLed," A* dib. "They spend I,ooo's
of dollar to make such £ meciwuiieal rooster what
we seen this afternoon. They work for 2 year to
nail it together, they hire famous Airno*. froor
Kansas City, they get names in paper & all
Science mu^t stop thinking sLout serious things
because they are bo excited. Then great day ar
rive. All ready— whoof! $6,000 airDoat make Hop
ping emotion and go bust by fence-post, livery
body happy to go home & construpt marc air
boats."
"Great things of World axe built in them way,"
I corrode for dignit> .
"Southern Pacifick Railway were not built in
them way, you can bee it," say Irish.
"It will be a cheap way to travel In future," I
nudge.
"It are not cheap way to travel in present." do
try that Hon. Irish. "By counting up all uxiJems,
break-ups, refusals to go, unwiUliigeuss to stay up
when started there etc . It arc computed by Scien
tists tliut airships has cost JI.OOU for every yard
they has; flew through air.
"Such an expensive car-fare!" I derange.
"Rates like them should be regulated by Con
gress." negotiate Hon. Irish, collecting together
fractional pieces Of airship what wab strewed apart
over hillside.
ITALY IN NEW YORK.
In the lower part of New York, on a corner
of Washington tniuare Park which is crowded
on sunny days with dark eyed, bareheaded
women and children, and where of a. Sunday
one sees gay spots of red. blue and orange,
and one hears more Italian than English, theru
is a straw colored stone church that strongly
recalls Florence. Upon a clear day it makes
the same contrast of pale gold against a deep
blue sky. And at the corner of the church each
day a dark skinned Italian carefully spreads
out a few oranges upon the cream colored ledge
of a little fountain built into the wall of the
church, Just as was his custom, no doubt, at
home. The artists of the neighborhood linger
to stare at him as they pass. His neck scarf is
emerald green, and as he stands there beside his
oranges he is a picture ready made, and various
dwellers on the square with memories of Italy
stop to buy his wares, anxious to keep him in
the picture.
The Italian has excellent reason to feel at
home on that square, which stands at the upper
edge of one of the largest of the Italian settle
ments in New York. Walking down Macdougal
street toward the south, one passes among the
cheerful, dilapidated houses many an old home
with a wrought iron balcony that was the
centre of wealth and fashion fifty or sixty years
ago. Now gay colored rags of unconjecturable
purpose are suspended from those balconies, re
peating the hues that may be seen in touches
upon the garments of the loungers in the street.
Also signs may be seen suspended from the Iron
railing** telling the passer-by in his own tongue
— Minneapolis Journal.
NOT AN EXACTING GIRL.
"Your love," he cried, "would give me the strength to lift mountains!"
"Dearest!" she murmured, "it will only be necessary for you to raise the aust.
CAUTIOUS.
Amateur Photographer — Look cheerful, old chap.
Subject — Oan't: this is for my wife, who's out of town. If I looked cheerful she'd bs baca
to-morrow. —Tie MM
EXACTLY.
She — I hear that Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed have just joined the church.
He— Well, turn about is fair play. Didn't the church join them? _uM»tr»t*i »»
that excellent mandolin music is furnished for
entertainments by the dwellers within. The
shops along the street contain principally arti
cles In demand among- Italians, and the fruit
sellers standing beside their little carts freighted
with gQlden oranges, lemons and bananas call
their wares in their own tongue. And if the
day be sunny and warm, whatever the season,
the street will be full of an apparently leisure
class. For. although the Italian seldom fails to
improve his worldly condition in the New World,
be teems also always to nave time to enjoy a, bit
LIGHTER THAN AIR.
• — ————— ,{
of sunshine. Black Hand associations »•*
and personal vendetta, may add zest .to *J JoC
even death, but th<» American who "IT-JSJ*;
enough in the neighborhood of those <- w »
emigrants from that land of dreams «*
harsh and non-beauty loving soul a "" f w«orl*
not enjoy the sight of them even if "J^S*!*
of hygiene are imperfectly developed-
all come right in another K«' n " raU hA ;
time they are happy and beautiful. ""*£jiflr
does one ask for one's neighbor.' M . w .--•
mao ,f -
PM'juMchJ* Zaaulrar. .

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