THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF
[Dictated October
3, 1007 ]
IX some ways I
was always hon
est : even from
my earliest years I
could never bring
myself to use money
which I had ac
quired in question
able ways Many a
— ~ * utu. uiu ,•. ... , •■ .-..!> always stronger than
'lesrre. Six ort-iui:; mi nths ago Lieutenant General
Xekm^A. Miles w:;.- : a great dinner party in
\'ew York and wht : • and I were chatting to
gether in the drawing rx> m before going out to
inner he said :
!ve knows y >••. ■ . ich as thirty years, isn't
I said, "Yes, thai •' u1 it 1 think."
™ m*JM.-i a". • • •.- - two and then said. "I
border wt<;i.:r.'- mcci in Washington in iß'>-. You
Boet&erestthat time, vveren^t you'"
I sad. "'Yes; bui then R-as a difference. 1 was
Mtjfasnnj then: I • • begun to bud — 1 was
.- ' ';^\\— '■ ■"■- had been adding to your
™c uv3 War rec : you had just come back
:rprr. vqijt bnlsiar.-. : - in campaign in the Far
«esi. and had bee: - raided with a brigadier
gooaldq) b the regular army, and everybody
!"** **™S about ■ ■•. and praising you. If you
?an. »d me. yon wouldn't be able to rememlier
'■'•■'■ uaSess ■- ••■• •-.:.• ual circumstance of the
F"™>S had burni into your memory. It is
years ago, an : people don't remember no
-xuesovera -•-■ time like that:"
i * w ' sn *" v ntinue the conversation along
r^Kne: so I changed the subject. I could have
r^ven to hi- srith any trouble, that we did
*^n K^asiingi 1867: but I thought it
--rSt emnarra,. •• the other of us, so I didn't
"*- I TOierr::.-:- the incident very well. This
v « >.ac way of it
: :: "i) 4t ~
1" " .J v; "- co:r.(_ trom the Quaker City ex-
Xw 73 , 03 - a " d ha - ' -■• a contract with Bliss of
— -and to write The Innocents Abroad." I
•^sf*Vi ~ on< > - : ! ■'•:■• down to Washington
S£j S^ ■'• ' j • houM wnte the I>ook !
TOer : 'v : " : ton; brother of the astron
3 »J,'.?" nc *°gethei - invented a scheme for our
"tfectf KiSt ? nanc(J became the fathers and
tew v 0^ 01 °*at L mmon feature in the news
110"- the s > nd icate We became the
T - ,..'.. " rst r; '" v >aj.>er syndicate on the planet
*»ISra^f? — "" : h;: * IS USUaI With untried
&t cr s)n:s5 )n:se s. V lt - had twelve journals on our
-ad -! 1 ■" Were •''*■ ■■■' " ''■■'■ : '' < - all "I>scure and rx^r.
•3*21! I*^— f ar away among the back sc-Ule
jHs^ ,11,, 11 , was : - Proud thing for those little news
'^*ru* I. I* a Washington correspondence, and
ibout J r f-" : " r .'- * ::a: thc >' fc!i in that ™ a y
'•'eek fro-n » *"' •;•'■ took two letters a
I ,'^' at ■ dollar j>er letter; each of us
ceus ttfjtf***?-^ veei and sent off - six <iu P ls '
'•tetr-fonr T J J ,t, t^ I< - - v ' -<nef actors, thus accjuiring
*&> di «. r ClOi '" r - week to live on, which
Jaartejj i^*- ! -f.. ua our cheaj> and numDle
. Qiaton wa<. o^. ( , ..-.•- , . ,
I h ' ' J ' nearest and loveliest human
-icteace v T,t V(;r kn °- vri - a "^ w e led a charmed
50 bfJuaHc r " :n a conten tment which knew
J!e ea'n^"K " !: " tOn a 'as refined by nature and
5?; beiaTiS?, 3 gentleman by nature and breed
«t- he v X y < '' iu ' aa ' t "2: he was of a beautiful
lS ootdm^ in hcan and speech: He was
*^«ldaSi ' i ' r '- silV '^n,-a Presbyterian
aa F en - : --'' schoolj l^ing honest, and sin
** Pate JIi ' ;v-' : : " v:n - iT - and finding serenity
™ badn't a vice— unless a large
?*3 SS? ?P^ hy wnh Scotch whisky may be
""*»* he^s? 3^: J cWn't regard it as a vice,
'^Sco'chTv,^ v >cc ' Jtl -hTnan, and Scotch whisky
ftfcmSn!- ' : . ;: * i;i ;' cent « milk is »» the rest
*^ J aot -4Ti . i:r110 " s case 3t was a vinue,
M a *eek -.^V"" 11 '^ 1 <J^- Twemv-four dol
? biJfS "sally have been riches to us if
y^-and ary't". j^ vays SailJ "J- r pretty dose to the
" ° u r iacxroj. r ~ ness :n :^e arrival of any part
'^sice. ~ ;:r< ' '° c; iuse us some incon
t^toh-.-^ l imv "* en a shortage occurred.
V*<** thTH c ' rw * dullar '- and we had to have
*<= W.^-' " ! the <:LiV - l "^'t kn « w now
"^^H W:int all that money at one
In i«7O.
MARK TWAIN
When He Sold Gen. Miles Another Man's Dog
time; I only know we had to have it. Clinton told
me to go out and rind it: and he said he would al>o
o; 0 out and see what he could do He didn't seem
to have any doubt that we would succeed: but I
knew that that was his religion working in him. 1
hadn't the same confidence: I hadn't any idea
where to turn to raise all that bullion; and I said
so. I think he was ashamed of me privately; !*■
cau>e of my weak faith He told me to give my
self no uneasiness, no concern; ami said in a sim
ple, confident, and unquestioning way, "The Lord
will provide." I saw that he fully believed the
Lord Would provide: but it seemed to me that it
he had had my experience —
But never mind that: l*?forv he was done with
me his strong faith had had its influence and I
went forth from the place almost convinced that
the Lord really would provide
I wandered around the streets for an hour try
ing to think up some way to get that money: nut
nothing suggested itself.' At last I lounged into
the big !<>}>'•>■ ot the Ebbitt House, which was then
a new hotel, and sat down Presently a dog came
loafing along. He paused, glanced up at me and
said with hi^ eyes. "Are you friendly?" I answered
with my eyes "that I was He gave his tail a grate;
ful little wag and came forward and rested his jaw
on my knee, and lifted his brown eyes to my face
in a winningly affectionate way. He was a lovely
creature, as beautiful as a girl, and he was made
all of silk and velvet. I stroked his >nn>oth brown
head and fondled his drooping ears, and we were a
pair of lovers right away.
Pretty soon Brigadier General Miles the hero oi
the land, came strolling by in his blue and gold
splendors, with everyl>ody's admiring gaze upon
him. He saw the dog and stopped, and there was
a light in his eye which showed that he had a warm
place m his heart for 'logs like this gracious creature .
then he came forward and patted the dog and said:
•He is very fine: he is a wonder. Would you
sell him ':"
I was greatly moved. It seemed a marvelous
thing to me. the way Clinton's prediction had come
true. I said. "Yes." . ,
The General said. 'What do you ask lor turn :
"Three dollars'"
The General was manifestly surprised. He said,
•Three dollars! Only three dollars? Why. that
dog is a most uncommon dog: he can't possibly be
worth less than fifty. If he were mine. I wouldn't
take a hundred for him. I'm afraid you are not
He Said. "Do You Mean to Tell Ms That You Were Selling Another M*n * Do*?"
7
■ hi ::;■■
ish : i '■•••'
But ii ■:< had kn< >wn me, hi
r >nging him ihan
- ging me i ed with the same
That
veil, ma ■ i poi I aid the
tne thret 10l ars, and U
■
T
*■ ntlemai ilong and began to loot around
md ever
I
Yes; have
Yes,' I said, "he was here a minute ago, and I
saw hii entlei : 1 think I could
>uld liki ■ • •- ■ try."
I hav< seldom seen a i" ok so grateful,—
voice ton when he
ded that Ik- would like me to try. I said I
do it with greai pleasure: but that as it
time I hoped he would not mind
■ . • xraiething for my trouble He said he
osl gladly. — repeating that phrase
-. ; asked me how much. I aid,
"Three d< ill
He looked surprised, and said. "Dear me!
■_:' 1 will pay you ten quite willingly."
Bui I -aid " No, three is bhe price," and I started
:■ dting for any further argu
forClinton had said thai thai was the amount
that th< Lord would provide and it seemed to me
ild be sacrilegious to take a perm;
* r as promi
I goi the nun ■ Gen< raj 3 room from the
is 1 passed by his wicket, and when 1
• i the room 1 found tin General then- caressing
his dog and quit* happy I said
I ;•• -■< bul I have to rake tlk dog again."
He seemed very much surprised and said "Take
him main' Why he is my dog! You sold him to
md i 1 oui ou n pri< ■
"Yes, 1 I said, "i lis true but I ha 1
; : nni again."
' Wha; man ' '
" The man that owns linn lit- wasn'l my dog '•
The Genera] looked even more surprised than
and !<>r a moment he couldn't seem to rind
his voice Then he -.n<l. "Do you mean to tell me
you were selling dog and knew it?"
"Yes I knew n wasn'l m> dog."
•'Then why did you sell him?"
I .., .; W e li us question to ask I