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' FROM THE CA&TGONISTS diSw *<AND FUNNY MEN re>
HE'S GOING TO
MAKE MILLIONS
BUT TIE CAX'T SUPPORT
ins spouse.
If lie IVould Onht Sci Soap She
Wouldn't ll arc io Work 1o
Toy Rent.
(By th« 'Wife Who 'Work*.)
TJany a wife whose husband earns a weekly wage
fwls her condition to be one of semi-poverty, but
If I had my life to live over again and ray husband
fchojld cay to mac
•Now. I -pill let you decide. If I take a *sti£dy
Job" I can earn $10 a -week us long- as my robust
constitution will permit me to work. If I make
■my living by my wits, there may be weeks -when I
earn nothing, weeks when I Bball earn IS, $SO, $100
or more. Arid if 1 get hold of a biff enterprise of
the right kind I'll land a ban ■ million or more."
If my husband were to say that to me. and I
lin<°w what I know DOST, I would Fay, "Get a
'Ftiddy Job* and bates DM home $10 every Saturday
night." I would Ray it because of this experience.
By way of preface. I may mention that I was a
teacher before I v.as man led. and since at times.
My husband is a salesman, one of the best, with
F'-ap as) a specialty; he knows soaps, coarse and
fine, laundry and toilet, and you know that a great
majority of the world's population will use soap. If
niy busband would Eti'K to his profession his earn
ings n^-d never fail below $4i> a week. };ut he says:
"What's forty dollars a week? Or a hundred
and forty, lor that matter? I want to be a man
e<nong men. It tea no mm energy to put
through a deal Involving millions than Jt does to
*-ell a hundred gross of soap; and, look, you. when
voii'ie done with one. you've made something worth
while. When you're done with the other, you've
made nothing but a bit of beggarly brass. When
you're at the as job you can feel that you are
working at something worthy of your brains. \Vh-:i
on are at the other, you're nothing but a nisger
between two overseers, eacb witii "• whip— the
nan for whom you sell, the man to whom you
I sell."
f Now. my husband is a good, energetic, sober man.
He never did anybody a wilful wrong in hi life:
not even me. although at limes, not clone have I
beer obliged to hustle for our bread, bat it has
happened more than obwb that we have not had
bread.
It has happened more than once that our land
lord, who is rt-ally one of the most considerate men
In the world, has served us six dispossesses in as
BBBBV consecutive months. (We never really were
put "out. because I, by private tutoring, managed
to get the money just in time to save us that
humiliation.)
And ill this time my husband was working with
unkiilable optimism u]>o:i some "enterprise" which.
If he could put. It :•:;•.;:«;!.. would net him a hun
dred thousand or kg in commissions, stocks, bands
and the like In the company being formed. And
mere often than otherwise my husband walked
both tip and inn town— round trip of about ten
miles— while ha was thus employed.
THE SIMPLE LIFE.
•Tf yoii were tc put more water into the meal they'd digest It In haJf the time."
•Toiroe taint of no 'count to these 'ere pigs, ouster." fc -4te T»aa*» .
IN THE TARIFF REV!3ION SHOP: NO CALLS FOR A CLOSE SHAVE.
Tears agn both he and I cut out luncheon as a
need!ess meal, an expensive and injurious habit.
My husband actually did raise $1.500,000 toward
building and equipping a railroad. His commis
sion was to be M per cent on the sum he raised.
By come roguish clause he had with those who
were "promoting the enterprise" be did not get
hip commission. He sued, and the very men who
had ir-duced him to give up his time to this enter
prise went on the witness stand and swore that
they, and not my husband, first presented the en
terprise to the multimillionaire, who. with his as
sociates, afterward built and equipped the road.
While this deal was going on so was our rent,
for my husband had hypnotized the landlord Into
believing tlxat it could not be possible ho would
get nothing. It could not be possible those people
would even let the case go into court, where they
were bound to bo beaten and "shown up" as well.
Four months at $35 a month Is $140. which I paid
KIND HEARTED JANE.
Mistress— Have you made the chicken broth,
Ja ja e ne— Yes, mum; and fed the chickens with
it, ages ago. - c " m '" l ' u:B '
off on the Instalment 1 tan as 1 earned the money
at private tutoring.
The next rainbow my husband chased was la
belled "t!ie building loan."
When a man pets a building loan mad- to him
,„ i s BOpposvd to have .if his own money avail
able for t- '<? work not less than one-fourth of the
sum it would require to construct the proposed
buildlngl Ms" husband, liteially. did not ha • cue
dollar.
But first he trot under the management of a
shrewd unscrupulous Hebrew broker in real estate.
This man assured my husband thai then was really
not a shadow of doubt as to his ability to get the
bunding loan made, as the man who contemplated
making' it was a friend of his, and would take his.
the brokers, word tor It that everything was all
Now how a shrewd descendant of Abraham could
make a building loan of |28O,«O0 to my husband on
the assumption that the latter had $50,000 of ready
cash, when the pocket edge of my husband's trous
ers was worn to the white lining, is more than I
can either understand or explain, but he did make
It. which goes to prove that facts an curious con
tradlctera of theories.
The bi-IHUng loan man afterward laughingly tola
me that he had never considered it anything short
of a miracle- that my husband did put up that
$300,000 building. And this in spite of trouble with
the city on account of the cavins-in of the wall
of the next door bouse. in spite of two or three
stoppings of the work on account of mechanics
liens-the hardest thing In the world for a builder
to get over.
But the house stands there to-day. In the busiest
NEW-YORK DAILY TRIBLXE. SUNDAY. JANUARY 3. 1909<
centre of the c'ty, and I shall always think of It
as a monument of the pluck and perseverance of a
penniless man.
Do you think we ever got a copper out of It?
If so, think again.
When the building was ready for the permanent
loan the Hebrew broker Insisted upon a half In
terest In my husband's equity in the property. I
begged and cried and scolded at my husband, by
turn?, to try to pet him to give the Jew anything
he wanted, provided there was enough 'eft to pay
our debts. All to no avail; he would give what he
had originally agreed to give, but not a crooked
sixpence morej bo the Jew broker, in his tin, tied
the property up In some. re-, tape knot.
He not alone did that, but be actually got my
husband m Jail, although th« sole offence of which
the poor man was guilty was of not contradicting
the Hebrew broker when the man told bis "friend"
who was going to make the building loan that
"these builders are a rough and ready Pft. they
are no dressers; lots of them even go ragged, but
they can take care of their end of the contract all
right."
In the end »he "friend" who made thu building
loan p"t tho property, and neither my husl md nor
the Hebrew broker r- I r : r nearlj
a year's worn.
Now, these are Just two earn] lea of wl
p.. ing on for years. Bui what can a ■».:■•
s;.-h a man? My husband does the was!
Sundays, ho does the Ironing evenings, K<; gets up
WHERE HIS DINNER WENT.
Little Harry — I'm hungry! I didn't q".t half
enough dinner.
Little Elsie — What did you have for dinner?
Little Harry — Company! 1
e;ir-;y arnt cooks the breakfast, he m
dishes and cleans up the hou •■ bet :
downtown. He do**:, not Bupporl me?
No. But he is the tlon of kl
to me. and ';>> man on earth works b I 1 than
he does.
WE HAVE OBSERVED.
That the more v wife
water the less tender he becoi
That the young woman «j3th t..-t.\ :.
rarely as dun)
That .'" man :s really aa ■ ■ •- 1
thinks he Is.
That while a woman <>f thirty ■.
in.] over twentj i '.\. a woman of sb
she Is seventy-five.
Thai the way some wives breal I plr band's
iron will is by rusting it out with itcr
Thai while matrimony was onre look<
a life journey, it now proves too often n j an
excursion uij>.
That while Love may laugh at locksmiths, the
milliner a'".'l the dressmaker make him feel mighty
serious.— Huston Transcript.
A PRACTICAL SUGGESTION.
"It's ail nonsense." said -Mr. Chuggins, as he
went around » corner at high speed, "to haw a
policeman following an automobile on 11 bl :
'•That's rKiht." answered the nei voua I
"What good 1* a blcvolo? They ought to have 111
A FELLOW FEELING.
Convfvlal Autoist (getting home late and seeing a burglar under the. bed) — Whash masher,
o)' chap machine out of order?
(Item BrewAlac'a ai*e*ala*. Cortrrif**, 4 acm, iur Brownlas. JUa# A v Itow T*tm.> '.
— innn«aj»:!» Journal.
red w' >v -. a motn:- ami ila c." STashlnaton
HE WON.
The ofTV«TB' mess was discussing r!fl^ shooting.
•Til bet any om i:«-r..-." Bald one«young lieu ten
ant, "that I can i'.i-m twnty shot." at two hundred
\jirds u'i<l c:ill ea<-li shut correctly, without wait-
Ing for the niJtrker. 11l Btuke a bos of cigars that
1 can."
■•Donel" cried a major.
'[•),. whole mesa whs «-n hand early next morning
to see the experiment tried.
The lieutenant fired.
■Mi<s." he calmly announced.
A second shot.
•■Miss." he repeated.
A thini shot.
"Here there! Hold on!" protest »d th» major
"What am you ... do? You're not shooting
for the target at "all." ..r.
"Of course not." admitted the lieutenant. I m
firing for those cigars." And he >■•■' them.—Every
body'd Magazine.
NO HARM DONE.
"A distressing error found it- way ..... paper
tills morning. I>id you see It?"
"Cmss not. What was it."
••I wrote that the President's itimmkc would
have vetv little effect un the stock nnrk-t.
••Well?"
-It was printed 'stork market.'"
1 Let it go. The public Will think J oil meant it.
—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
TAKING IT IN SECTIONS.
"Forgive and forget," Baid the generous man.
"That's tny motto." ,
••i don't" know about forgiving. answered Mr.
Dustln Stax "But it would ho hard to get through
the'so investigations without knowing how to for
get."—Washington Star.
A BITTER PILL.
MUlj And bow >i">^ your brothei take married
U Tl'm He takes It according to directions. His
mother-in-law Uvea with him. Illustrated Hits
BUFFRAGISM IN THE BARNYARD.
SOME SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO MAKE RURAL LIFE MORE PLEASANT. Mb 11H Os»sv> — ■
THE TOP DOG.
The Rescue Man — Hi! you, there! If you can get up as 'igh as that, why don't you *•*
out?
Victim of the Diszster (in deep water) — Not much. I nn't going' to move off this ■"■ w
what I'm standin" on. • ? '** w *
Bystander.
THE THRIFTY SCOT. %
Macdougall (to his new fourth wifei — The meeni 3 te.- doesna approve o' my marryin J*
•n' sac young a wife too. But. as I tell't him, I canna be ay« buryin', buryin'. -*«•■"
CONVINCING. j
Judge— have not yet established the prison- ',
er's Insanity.
Attorney— But, your honor, we mean to Introduce !
witnesses to show that the prisoner habitually '
4i|-.m politic* with. vomao^Puak. . ~V^ [
A RESPECTABLE FORTUNE.
Uttle Willie— Say. pa. what ♦• • " T ** ? *'^
foiliiajs **? _,„&• ■% P^**^
Pa-One that Is largo enough to ma*. ***
tor opinion on *n>- «ui^«ct res* *•'■*
Ciilsfcgo Krw*
