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«IP^ND FUNNY MBN
THE REASON.
Bariowe— I'm going t0 bring my wife round t*
call on you to-night.
Ocfcs/n— That's right: but do me a favor old
,n. Don't let her wear her new furs. I don t
ant my wife to see them just now.
EarJowe— Why? That's what we are coming
f or- — riluitratcd BHi
Queer. Tales With
Sea PitAygß^jk^.^
BOBS REDEMPTIO.V
P' TV. W. 4ar«b#.
"GrßTitoofi?:"" paid the nipht watchman, with a
herd laujrh. "HnT Don't talk tit me abool
gntUtoode; I've seen too m-jch of it. if people wot
Tve heJr-ed in ray time "ad only done arf their
<ioniy— arf. mind you— l should bp lidine in my
carriage."
Forgetful of tlie limitations of soap axes he at
tempted to illustrate his remark by iollinK. and
fjearK- went over backward. Recovering himself
by an effort lie gazed sternly across the river and
«tnok*>d ••■.-•:■.. It aras i.'»H»nt that !he was
fcroodinp over an ill used paFt
** 'Ary Thomson was one of them," ha <=aid, at
last. "For oier f!x months 1 wrote all 'is love let
ters for him. > i'fir.e an iggerr.erant sort of man
and only being able to do the kisses at the end,
which he always insistr-d on doing 'imse'f. being
jealous. Only three weeks arter he was married >
c«:ne up in wh?rt 1 was standing one day and set
about m«> without s«yinK a word. I was a single
man ct the time and 1 didn't understand it. My
id«-a was that he "ad Rone mad. and. being pretty
artful and always '.'nini: a horror of mad people. I
Jet "iiii chase me into a police statioi). Leaatwajw, I
••riuld ha' let 'im. but he didn't come, and I all but
jrot fourteen days for bctac drunk and disorderly.
•"Then there was B d Clark. He 'ad been keeping
(.-omjVriy with a sal and got tired af It, and to
oblige "im I went to her and told 'er he was a mar
ried man with five children. BD was as pleased
as Punch at first, but as soon as she took up with
another chap he cany uuinii to s=ee m«; and said as
I'd ruined his iif>>. We 'ad words about It natMl -
all>— and I did ruin it then to the extent of a
coup> o* ribs. I went to see "im in the horsepittle
—a place I've always keen fond of— and the lan
gwidge he used t<> me was n bad that they sent for
the Sister to "ear it.
"'That's on"y two out of dozens 1 cou'd name.
Arf the unpleasantnesses in my 3ife 'aye come out
b( doing kindnessos to people, nnd all the grati
toode I've "ad f>>r it 1 couid put in a pint pot with
a pint o' s<eer already in ii.
"'The only case o" eal grai ■ I ever heard of
"appened to a shipmate o' aatoe a youngr chap
niirsed Bob Evan*. Coming home from Auckland j
5n a barque catted the Dra«osi F'.v he fell over
board, and tnattMr ebia named George Crofts, one
«• the best swimmers 1 ev«r knev. wpn ' overboard
arter "im and saved has life.
"We mma hardly moving at the tim«. nnd the sea
... a duck pond, but to ea- Bob Kvans talk
you'd ha" thought that George Crofts was the
bravest "arted chap that ever lived. He 'adnt
liked him afore, same as the rest of uf. George
being s. sly. mean sort o chap; but arter George 'ad
saved hi? life > ■:.<'." •. praise im enough. He
*aid that so long a« he ""ad a crust OWMae Bhould
share it/and wotcver Georp* asked 'im M should
'
onfortnlt part of it was that George took
"im al his word, and all the re«t of the v'y'ge he
acted as though Bob belonged ■■• "mi. and by th
t'me w« pot into the London river Bob couldn't
cart his eoul "is tou. He need to take a room
when lie was ashore anJ live veiy steady, as c was
savin? up to pet mair:<-d. and as soon as he found
ihat out George invited 'lmseif to stay with him.
- 'It wx«it cost you & bit Baordr he ses. not if
you work it properly."
" -Bo»» didn't work iv properly, but George aving
ta\e-J his life, and never letting "im forget it. be
<;idnt li"ne to ie!l Uta» «•- He thought he'd let im.
E€t giadual that he'd got to be careful becaoac of
'is sal. and the fust evening they was aalioM c
took irn alons; srfth im there io tea.
"Gerty MHchell-tbat was the gaTs name— "adnt
heartl of B<3bs aixidenu and when she did she gave
m. little stream, and putting 'er arms r..jnd his
seek, becan lo kiss "im right in front of Qaetae and
hei- mother.
-• 'You oushl lt> Sivt- liim one ,-t<>«.' tes Mrf
AMuhtli. rioii'-iiiifr to Georgt.
"Gcurgt- Killed 'is mouth on the bade of Sis and,
but oeny pretended not to 'ear.
'■■••• "Faccy if >ouu been drownded!' *re «es, hugg
las UoS> SEi:;.
""He *.v pretty ne&r." ses George, ehak..-?g hia
'ciuL I'm a pore swimmer, bat i BSMIe up iuj
..!...•! <i;a\r to «»av« 'lai Qr eise. .so. down to k
■watery myself.'
I "He »"tpeO his lauuth t«n the back of his aiid
.'£,»;-., bui .iJI the notice Gerty look of i; was Is
rcud her i*>ung brother Tod ov;' fo: some beer.
Tnea th«-> &:i 'a<* sup-pvr together, and iiis.
llitccell" ursiik ccod luci u» George ia a Ria« o"
1-ccr. «tiiu z*':2 she •ed thai ,'«r own boy would
sroiv up liic him. • I.'' f.m |:o» up a good ana
brave man. thit » ;i'l I :nk,". Fha ses. "I don' , care
s.boat 'is Icv&s.' -
"'He flight tave both.' •€» G«orge, sharp-like.
■
"Mr*. Mitelieli eaid she ■ M»used be might, ana
thej she cuffci youn? Ted's ears tor making a
r.«>i*e »b::*,v *-as "e.itSns, .•iJ then --ufreu mi agin
Inr Kj-.yiny mat. he'd finished 'is tap;ei five min
utes ejp3.
U*ort;? wrid-Bcb walked om» aajatka and all
tfj* wry 're <;toree sa;d Xt « avatt) jcal Gerty
■was un "on lu.t;; tl wan tor Bob that he adn't
bee.-i drowndtJ. v* *cni round to tea with ':m ih«
tti-t „» |« -J -. • .«. *J aui«f i«a, m a *a
; >_■_ •■-■ .:■■" ■■'■• v * :" ...- ■ * :. ■:■ ".- - ■ -■-_■■• -..-' ■-■■•■■■.-.
A MILLINERY EPISODE.
Tre c-igm of the new hat.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS.
Gardener — here is a tobacco plant in full
flower.
Lady— How very interesting! And how long
will it be before the cigars are ripe?
Ti!u>>ira < Bit».
__.s.
Bob and Gerty said they was going out to spend
the ereninc together, got "imself ask»>o. too.
"They took a trarncar and went to a music hall,
and Bob paid for the three of 'em George never
eeemed to think of putting his 'and in Mi pocket,
and even art^r the music ball, when they all went
into a shop and "ad stewed eels, he let Bob pay.
"As I said afore. Bob Evans was chookfull of
gratefulness, and it seemed only fair that he
shouldn't grumble at spending a little over the man
wot *ad riaked 'la life to save hla; but wot with
keeping George at his room, and paying for 'im
every time they went out. he was spending a lot
more money than 'c could afford.
" 'You're on'y young once. Bob.' Georg» said to
him when 'c made a remark one arternoon as to
the fast way his money was going, 'and if it hadn't
ha' been for me you'd never 'aye lived to grow old."
"Wot with spending the money and always
>v!nif George with t':.em when they went out. It
wasn't long afore Bob and Gerty 'ad a quarrel.
'I don't like a pore-spirted man.' ■ c se?. 'Two's
company and three's none. and. l.<-aide«. why can't
he pay Fot 'imself? He's hie enough. Why should
you aaend your money on 'im? He never pays a
farthing.'
"Bob explained iha: i.»- couldn't m anythmc be
c-a-ise 'c owed his life to George, bul > might as
vet] 'aye talked t" lamp poet, The more he ar
gtied the more an;' Gert] Ro'. and at last she
THE DIFFERENCE.
"Who teaches you at school. Nora?"
"Miss Brown."
"And who teaches you at Sunday school?"
"Miss Brov.n — with a hat on!"
- Tlie Tbreaa.
ses, 'Two's company ar.d three'e none, a:..! if you
and me can't go out withoul George Crofts, then
BW and "!m "11 j?o out without you.'
"She wa? as good as her i ord, too. and the next
night wnile 800 'ad gone out to get some 'bacca,
she -went off a!onc wit' George. It was 10 O'clock
afore they .'::n.< back agin, and Gerty's eyes were
a!! shining and 'er cfaeeics aa pink as roses. • She
shut >r mother up like a concertina the moment
she beiran io find fault wit!i 'er. and at supper she
sat next to George and laughed at everything >
scid.
"George and Bob walked ail the way "ome arter
supper without saying a word, but alter they got
to their room George took ■ side-look at Bob, and
then he ses>, siiiVUiilllii . 'Look- 'ere: . i saved your
life, didn't I?'
. •■ 'You <l!d.' ses Bob. 'and I thank you for it.'
"'1 snved oir Bfe.' sea George agin, very soi
emn. "If ii hadn't ha" be/'n for me you couldn't ha"
Married anybody/
" 'That's true." *es Cob.
"' m- aad Gt-rty 'aye be*:i having a talk." se»
Georso; bonding down to undo bis boots 'We've
been getting on very «'«H together; you can't elp
your feelings, and tii» long and the short of it is,
tli- pcre gal has fallen Ea tova with me."
"Bob didn't say a word.
"*lf you iook at || thfe way it's fair enough," ses
.G*-org*. "I gave you your life lni i you clve me your
gal. Were Quits now. You don't owe me any
thins and T don't owe you anything. Tbat'l th»
way Geny puts it. an.l she told me to tell >..u so '
" a— it nUt don t want mt lin * *grteab;e, sstr t
XEW-YOBK PAII.Y TRIBUNE. SUNDAY. APRIL. 4. 1909
COPYPIGHT EXPIRES.
German Tar— "We don't want to fight, but. by jingo, if we So.
We've got the ships, we've got the men. w« ye got the money, too.
John Bull — I say. that's my old song.
Ge-rnan Tar — Well, .fs mine now.
Bob. in a choking voice 'We'll call it qultt h:ul
next time I* tumble overboard 1 'ope you won't »>?
handy.'
"He took <'-'.■ • ph< '- 1 rap oui of Ms bo and
banded It to George. 'You've got more rtsht i-> it
now than what I 'aye/ he ses. I rtia'n't go round
there any more: I shall look out for a ship to
morrow."
"George Crol ?aid that perhaps it was the b.>st
thing he could do and c asked "Im in a offhand
sort o* way "o\v U.ng th< room was paid u;> for.
lira Mitchell 'a.l a •'• w word* u> say about it
next day. but Oert; t->M 'er.to save "er breath f<«^
walking upstairs. The on'y thine that GrorK*- didn't
like when they went out was thai young Ted «vaa
with them, but Gerty said sh«* p«-eferred it till she
knew Mm better; and she 'a<l .^-> much to say about
Ms noble behavior in Baring !if>- that George gave
way. They went oui looking at the s!i«j>s. George
thinking that that was the cheapest way of spend
ing an eveninjr. an.i they w^re as happy hs possi
ble till Gerty sa« a brooch sh<- llk-d so much In a
window that he couldn't get *r away.
"• 'It is a beauty.' sho sop. "I '■■■ '' know when
r V s<-en a brooch i lik-.l b*tt« Look here!
Lets all guess the price and then gr> in and se»-
WhO'S ripli! '
"They '■•<- their guesses, mnl then they went It:
and asked, and as soon as Gertyj found thai It was
only three-and-ai she began to feel in her
pocket for "er purse, just !!k«> your wife does when
you go out with >r, knowing all the time that it's
on the mantelpiece with two-pence-ha'i>enpy and a
cough lozenge in it.
•••!;■ ha" left it at 'ome/ slie sps. looking at
George.
•'•Jußt.wot I've done." «<*<= George, arter patting"
Ms pockets.
"Gerty bit V-r lips ainl for a minute of two be
civil to George she could not. Then she gave ■'
little smile and took 'Is arm agin, and they walked
on. talking and laughing, till she ' rned round of a
sudden and asked „ big .hap as was passing wot
> was shoving '•*'' for.
"'Shoving you?' mlh "Wot do you-; think 1
want to shove you for."
"'Don't you talk to me." ses Gertv. tirinff up
"George, make Mm beg my pardon. '
•• 'You ought to be more careful.' ses George, In
a gentle sort, o' way
•■ '.Make Mm be e m-. pardo amplng
;.f don't. kno< k »'lm down.'
■ "Yea. knock 'ira do^i big man, taking
ap and i umpling hi* '.lii
rge. who was nei'ei much with 'ii<
lit "im in th< id the nexi momeni h<«
was on 'is back iii the mlddU o" tl ad wi
Ing woi had 'appeied lo "Im By the lim^ '•• ;■■ t
ui> the other man was arf a mile awaj . and young
Tt,i stepped up and wiped "im Bowr with :■ pocket
•andkerchlef. whl ed to "im 'ow -h»
fru "im slip "ii •< ii- ••■ •■ banana i- el.
■ 'it'K 'ard ltn« b." she w " nd. you
frightened im away, and I don'i wondei ai II r '"i
do look terrible when you're angry, George I
didn't know jou ' ,
"Sh»- praised lm ml the waj oni . arid if It 'adn t
been for :ii<= mouth and nos< George would '.ne
A LA DIRECTOIRt.
"My dear lady. I am without either petticoat
or corset."
"The same as I. It is ihe latest fashion."
Journal Amusant.
S
en.lo.vrd it more than ■■ <M<\. Sh< told 'ci mother
how r e had flown at a big man wot ad Insulted her.
and Mrs. Mitchell ihoi her "cad al 'im and said
his bold spirit would lead "im into trouble before he
'ad done.
"They didn't seem to be able to mr.ke enough of
"im. and next day when he went round Gerty was
so i^iset at the sight of 'is bruises that ho thought
she was goinc to cry- When he had 'ad his tea
she Rave 'mi a ctgai she had bought for 'im her
self, and when he 'ad Ished smoking ii site
•mi'ed si him. and said thiat ilve waa going to take
"im out for a pleasant evening to try ■] tnake up
to Mm for ■ ot he '.Td Buttered for 'er.
" 'We're all going to si id treal to each other,'
she se?. "Bob always would inaial on paying for
everyti:ir,p. but i 1W to feel a bit independent.
Gl\e and take— that'a the waj I like to i!i. things."
" 'There's nothing like being Independent,: ses
George. 'Bob ought to '■•' kfcown a t."
" 'I'm sun it's the best pirn.' ses <;<•■: 'Now,
e°' your "at en. Wr're going to a theayter, and
Ted «hal! pa) the "bUJ farec. 1
"George wanted to ask aboui Ibe theayter. bul t
didn't Ike to, and arter ■•--• was ...... they
went out an.J Ted paid the bus fares like a man.
■* c l|orp you are." sos Oerty a? the 'bus stopped
outside the tiienytor. 'Hurrj ip and get the tick
ets George: ask. for three upper circles."
"She isi led George up to the puy place, and a! *
soon as she 'iid picked >ut the. seats she grabbed
V>!d of the tl-kets and told George to mak» haste.
■" -:ve shilling it is." ses th« man. as George
put down »rf a crown.
• Tn • ■ ■ ■ -
•Tv ■ . ' '
o i'v< ad
"George wnn going i-> fetch <l"rty bark and "aye
rh(Bii»r «-ea!«. r.ut »»-.*• "a<i soup Inside with young
Ted, and at fast, arter making an awful fuss, he
paid the rest o" tlie money and rushed In i'rt«>;- her,
arf crazy at the Idea b" spending m> much money.
" 'Make 'aste/ ses Gertyj afore he could say any
thing; "the band "ns just begun.'
"She started running upstairs, and si • was »o
excited that, when they K'-'t their seats and George
started complaining about the price, she didn't T'-i>"
any attention to wot he was saying 1 , but k-i^ point
ing out ladifs' dr« ssc* to im In w'lspets and won
derlns wot they "ad paid for their:. George gave It
ut> at last, and then hts sat wondering whether he
'ud done tißlit arter all In taktng Hob's gal away
from him.
VGerty enjoyed it very much, but when the cur
tain came down after the first act she k-ane.j back
in her chair and looked up m George and kid she
felt faint and thought .«h<»"«i Ilk» to 'aye an Ice
cream. "And you 'aye one, too, dear,* she ses, hen
A DREADFUL DILEMMA.
G ues t — Won't you ask young Squalls to re
cite?
Hostess — But I don't like recitations.
Guest — Neither c*o I. But if the young beggar
doesn't recite he'll sing.
niuatrat«d Hit*.
young i>d 'ad «"' up •■ •' ''■ koned t" the g.ni. 'and
Ted 'ud like on >. too. I'm sure '
■•gl, e i,i hei 'cad on George's shoulder h: d
looked up :i< 'Ini Then she l".:' ter 'and »n hia
and >!i"k.d It, and George, reckoning that niter
ail ice-creams were on'y i ha'penny or at the iiu>s;
a penny each, altered "ia mind about n"t spending
any more money and ordered thret
"The way he carried on when lie pui said they
waa three ahlllinr" \\ ;>^ alarming. At fust >
though) she waa 'aving a joKe with 'Im, ;uid it took
another fral and the Breman and an <>:,| j;.>tii!.-
man wot was sitting behind im <•< persuade 'ten
different. H< was so upsei tliat '.■ couldn't eat hi^
arter paying foi It, and Ted ;ui'l Gerty had to
finish it for 'im.
"They're • :pen»iv« ley're worth ihe
money.' bos Gertj 'You are K"otl to
I could ;.;" on eating era ;iii night, but you mustn't
fiiii^ \ciur money awaj like tiii.-; ;■■•
••■I'll see to t!;.-u.' sea George, verj ii;i p '1
thought w< - to stand treal to each other 7
Thai waa i lie Idea, I undei stood
" *So we an Q 'T« d I i Ihe boa
tares, didn't
•■ •] | ,ij,i • ies George, ■■..', there was of 'en; but
;wot about you?"
" '.Me* sea Gerty, drawing her 'cad hack* and
stariim at 'im. 'Why, 'aye you ' ■■' got that cigar
already. George 7'
"i Seorgi opeo« i "is riiouth, but '« couldn'i speak
a word. lie sat looking ai >i and making a gisp-
Ing noise in 'is threat, and fortunately Just as 'c
got Ms voice, back the curtain .went up agin, *tnd
everybody -ai«t. "H'sh"'
"He couldn't enjoy the play at all, 'c was «o
upset, and l*e began t<» see more than ever 'ow
wrong lie "ad been ta taking Bob's y-u\ away from
'im. He walked dowßataira into tie street like a
man in ■ dream, «it i Gerty BtickinK to "is arm
ii, .l j-oui Ted treading on is heels behind..
" 'Now. you mustn't waste any more money;
George." «es Gerty, when thci got outside. "We'll
walk orac.'
"George ad got arf a mind to saj something
OUR BETTORS.
The Customer— l say, d'you know you haf»
poisoned me with those beastly mushrooms I
liad here last week?
A Mysterious Whisper — Then you owe me six
pence. "Erbert. I told yer so. tfet «ket?h.
ANOTHER BORING QUESTION
"I say. pa, is a man from Poland called a
Pole?"
"Yes. my son."
"Then, pa. why isn't a man from Holland
called a Hole?" '*u««.
about a 'bua, i' t he remembered in time 'hat very
likely young Ted hadn't sot any more money. Then
Gerty aakl ahe knew a short cut. and «h<» took
them, walking along little, dark, narrow streets
and places, until at last, just aa Geertre thought
they nust I c pretty near 'ome. she began to dab
her eyea Ith >r pocket 'andkerchief and say
>;!>• d losi "er way.
•• "You two go 'onie and leave n.e.' she aes. arf
mini; "I can'l wiilk another step.'
" 'Where are we?' ses George, looking round.
"'I don'i know.' sea Gerty. 'I covildn't tell you
If .r»-: ral<l me. 1 mist 'aye taken a •■> as; turn
ing. Oh, hurrah: Here's a cab"
"Afore Georgi could stop 'er she held up '»r um
brt-lla. nn-1 i ansom cab. with bells on Its horse,
crossed tl;e road and pulled <i? in front of "rm. Ted
nipped in first nnd G«>rtv followed Mm.
"" "Tell "im the addraaa dear, and make "aste
and get In," sf s Gerty.
lirnrs^ told the cabman, anil 'hop he en- la »nd
A FACER.
He — You have iooked on my face for the last
time!
She — Why? Are you going to grow a beard?
snt on Ted's knee, partly on Gerty's umbrella, and
BBOStl} on nothing.
" 'You are good to me, George.' ccc Gerty. to ■< h
ing the back of Ms neck with the brim of her hat.
it ain't often i get a rid* In a ca)>. All the time I
was keei - company iritli Bob we never 'ad mn
oorc I onlj wlafa I'd got the money to ray for it.'
"George, who was going to ask a question,
topped "lmself. nmi then h« kept striking matches
Bnd trying to read all about cab fares on a bill In
front '>f 'in:.
- " "Ow are we to anow "ow many miles it Is?' he
ses, at lasi
" 'I don't know." lea Gerty; 'leave it to the cat>
man. It's hla blsnes?. ain't It? And If c don't
know he must sufftr for it.'
"There was hardly a *ou! in Gerty's road when
they got ther<\ but afore George "ad settled
with th» oabtnan there wjs> a policeman mov
in«: th* crowd on and arf the winders in the
road up. Fly tiie time George had paid mi
and tin- cabman 'ad told him wot "c iook»d
Uke Gerty and Ted "ad dtaaypeared Indoore,
nil tii" lights was out. nn<l In a stnte »' mind that
won't bear thinking of Gaofge nnlke.i 'ome to Mi
lodging.
"Bob was asleep when he got tliere. but "c »ok* |
"im up and told 'mi about it. and then arter & ;
time lie said that he thought Bob ougni to pay
arf-bceaiise lie 'ad saved 'is life.
.-. " 'Cert'nlj not,' sea Hob. "We're quits now: I
thnt was the arrangement. I only wish It was me I
spending the money on her: J shouldn't srumbl?.' .
"George didn't get a wlnß o" sleep nil night for i
tiiinklnu of the money he *ad spent, and next day j
when he went round he 'ad almost made up 'Is
mind to tell Bob that if "c liked to pa] up the !
money he could 'nve Gerty back: but she looked I
ao prett.\. and praised "im up so much for 'is Ren- i
eroslty that he began to think better of it. One i
thing 'c \v:is determined on. and that \>.<<» never ta I
Spent} money like tljat agin for fifty Gertys.
"Ther«- waai a ver\ sensible man there tliat even- j
ing that George liked very much. Ulfl name was
Uncle Joe, and when cierty was praising- Cwig< \
to 'is face for the money he 'ad heen spending"
Uncle Joe. instead o' looking pleased, shook his
'cad over it.
" Young people will be young people. 1 know." tie
ses. 'but still 1 don't approve or extravagance .
Bob Evans would never 'aye spent al. that money
over you.'
" - Uo.> Evans ain't everybody," *e« Mr*. Mitch- j
ell, standing up for Gerty.
" "He waa Rteudv, anyway.' ses I'nele. Joe. 'Be- :
sides, Gerty ought not to ha' let Mr. Cro.'ts ups-nd '
hl« money like that. She could ha' prevented it If ;
she'd ha' put >r foot down and insisted on it.' j
"Me was so solemn about it that everybody be-*
tan to feel a bit upeet, and Gerty barrowed 'i>a s I
pocket 'andkercluef. and then wiped >r eyes on tne i
cuff of her dress ir.Btead. i
" Well, well.' ees Uncle Joe. 'I don't mean to
be 'ard. but don't do it no more. Tou are younjf
\>i> pie and can't afford It.' . _-.• l^.-k
•'.'We must aye a little pleasure sometimes.- ses '
Gerty.
•• Yes. 1 know.' »es Uncle Joe. 'But there* .
moderation in everything. L.ook 'ere, it s tlm* ;
somebody paid for Mr. Crofts. To-iaOtrOW'a Satur- '
day. and, if ou like, I'll take sou ill- to. Ih* ,
CrjstaJ FaUce.
THE LANDLUBBER.
Small Boy — Did you ever catch any whaleef
Bail«r— No.
Small Boy — Ever shipwrecked?
Sailor — No.
Small Boy — Ever cast on a desert islandf
Sailor* — No.
Small Boy — Ever caught by cannibals?
Sailor — No.
Small Boy 'disgusted) — Why, you might aa
we'l have stayed on land!
A DOUBLE EVENT
Mrs. Highfly — has she»really got two •«?•
vants?
Vrs. Flutter Yes one coming and one going.
—comic Cutt.
"Gerty Jumped up off of 'er chair and Uaead iw,
whi> Mrs Mitchell sa!d she knew is bark -»sj
worse than '■• bite, and ■flfeai 'ta who was wast
ir.r his money now?
" 'Tow m»et me at I^ondon Bridge ■aattea at 3
o'clock." ses i_"nc!e Jo«. Retting up to K'-> "It a:r.
extravagance for a man as can afford it."
""He shook "ands with ';»rg» Crofts and went.
and. arfer Ge->r*"e "ad stayed long enough to hear
a lot of things about Uncle .Toe which made Mm
think they'd get on very well together, be »ent
off. too.
They all turned \ip very early the next artef '
noon, and Gerty was dressed so nice that Geors*
couldn't take hfs eyes off of her. Besides ■*•-
t. re was Mr» Mitchell and Ted and a. fri»n<i of
'Is named Charlfd Smith.
"They waited gome t:m<». but Uncl* Joe didn't
turn up. and they all got • kiag at the clock aa-J
talking about it. aad "f'plng he wouldn't make >3l
miss the train
" "Here he comes" ses Ted. at last.
* "Uncle Joe came rushing in puffing and Koinnjr
as though he'd bust. "Take >m on by this tra-o,
will you?' he sea, catching "old o" Ge rg« by th*
arm. 'I've just been stopped by a bit b>" .sines*
I must do. and I'll come on by the next, or as
so«"n arter ea I can." *
"He rushed off again puling and blowing - •
"ardest. in such a hurry that he forgot to give
George tbe money for • — ticket*. |»»i»ii G*or*»
borrowed i pencil al Mrs. Mitchell in the train,
and put down on paper 'of much tiiey cost, and
Mrs. Mitchell said if George didn't !ike to remind
im sh» would.
"They left young Ted and /"harlie ti> star n»a
the station when tbey got la the Pa!ace. Untfi
Joe '»v!ng forgotten to say where M me-t "em.
but <raln after train .am* In without im. and a:
lasr tbe two boys gave it up.
'" We re n;re t.. run across Mm so«>ner or Ut«r.
says Gerty. 'Lot's 'aye' aaaactMag to •-a?: I'm ♦>
hungry."
"Georg« aaM som?tbing about bans and miti. but
Gerty tcok im \;p Bbaip Bans and mtlk?" »t»
laaa 'Why. uncle would aarer forg e us if »
spoilt hla treat like t'.iat."
"She walked into a refreshment plac and they
'ad ccld meat and bread and atcl n and beer and
tarts and cheese, till »v#n young Ted said he'd al
enough, but still they couldn't see an/ ■ gas «*
Uncle Joe. They went on te the roundabouts tr>
look for "im. and then Into all sorts •>" shoos at
sixpenc* a head, but still tiier* was no *;grw <^
Mm. and George "ad 'ad t«> start on » fre=ii bit o'
paper to put down wot he'd s;>ont.
" i suppos? h» must ha" been detains! on impor
tant business." se<« Gerty. at last.
■ t'aleea hi one o" "Is jokes.' s»« Mrs. Mitch*!!.
shaking er >ad. 'You know wot your uncle 1».
i Gerty."
"' Ti:er« m»« i n?ver thought o tlu*..' ses j ru.
with a start: "praps It is."
j "' 'Joke?" sea George, chokin* and *!arm? frf>a»
one to the other.
""I was wondering where he «•■ t!: a n;nW
; fioni. ses Mr« Mitchell to Gerty. I -'* it »U
! now-; I never see such a man for a bit o" fun in all yJ
my born .'.»..-• And the solemn W«: be went ea
' last nigi.t too. Why. he must ha" been !a:KhlsJ
lln Ms sleeve a : l the tin-*- It's as good a« a p!ar
11 "Look here!' «c* Georste. bar able to sp-a«:
'do you mean to tell me he ne\er m?*t to - -me.
" I m afra'd not." Ma Mrs. jftteheO. knowir* *(Tt
he is. But don't yi»u ■worry; I'll glv* hrn a bit «>
my mind when 1 BM 'mi.'
"Oee«ta Crofts Ml ai thousii he'd biir»t. and
then c got Ms breath, and rh^ thins* V said about
I'ncle Joe was so h-a- : : that Mr-. Mitchell told t!i»
bo\ to go away.
" 'How dare you talk of my unc> like Mat?" •«*
Gerty^ flrinß up. h ■
■ You forget yourself. tVcrS'. »" Mrs Mitcß
! ell. 'You'll like Mm ■ lea you get to know im bet- /
' ter' -i
" Don call me George.' ses G^orgf iroftf. urn
ing on >r. 'I've been done, that's wot l ' x^ b **V
J "ad fourteen pounds when I «a< pa!d off. a*»
It's m?ltlng like butter.' .
- ' Well, we've enjoyed ourselv - ' -■" > s t>riy. *-~^
that's .what money was glvea us for. Im »*■»';
those two^boys a\e had a spier time. lt*BM i
you. Don't go and spoil all by a H.tle bit
temper.' • -
" •Temper:" acs George, turning on *ifr. '• v * * - •
with you. I Wouldn't marry you if you was tn
on'y gil in th*- world. I wouMs'l marry you if J
paid me.' 3
"''Oh. Indeed!" acs Gerty. 'ii-jt if 'S' rJ ***■ *
can get out of it l!l:e that y..-u"re aiisiaken. J. f
lost my young man tbtwaaJi r«u. ar.J i n» »'■- c "
to tasa you. too. I'll send a t»u Ws f^3
round to sre you to-m«>rio\v.' -^
"' "l"h»jf on't put >;-.i with no mnsensr. I a3
you." «ci Mrs. Mitchell. cd
"She .-ailed the boys to ««. a-«i then *H= * n °
Gerty. arter bOtdlna th ir "eacta very ais«
starin? at George, Wenl off ar.'l l«»ft Mm o;ie - -
went straight Ofl "omc. counting ''» BB*??* a *.";"j
way and tryinjr I" make it more. and. ar.e.- l " i^' ft
Bob 'ow he"d b*»n tr.ated. au.l tiyln; haru ',^.^
"•m to go shares in his lan packe .2 up +-' 9 l' _.
and <!e«-ed out, all b«iilnK i»vei with ttnwe.. ■
"Bob w.is to dazed h* t ou!cJn"l ma!-"* hca.. >- r -"^
out of it. but a went round to see Gerty t&V "^
thins next morning, a.i-J siie explained tn.n s >
him. dont know when I've enjo>cd raj .** lf fc 'i
■■ I don t know when I've *■
much," ahe •'es. ipins her eyas, "but i xS jj. s
enough gadding about fcr o-ce. and if V°^
roaad this c . <r»'-!c well have a tiicc •- ■*' Ulttß
etiier looking at the rurni;i*ro »bw*" "
