flto ?tot?i Wrt?mnt
v. EIGHT PAGES,
SUNDAY, FEBRUAHY 20, 1916.
ART V. FICHT Massa*
RUSSIAN BALLET PERPLEXESBIRSKYAND ZAPP
"A policeman will hide his face and holler for the police."
"The Police Thinks," Says Birsky,
"That Everybody Is from a Place
Where Dolmans Is the Latest
in Women's Garments."
By MONTAGUE GLASS,
Illustrations by Brggs.
Copyright 1916--The Tribune Ass'n.
^Y SEI: where the police gets after
the feller which is running the
hallet," Barnett Zapn
Midas he glanced ove: the bill of fare in
"Some thec-.yter managers is very lucky
'-?at way.'' Louig Birsky, the real estater,
'Tarum lucky?" Zapp demanded.
Because what the police calls bad,
?sits awful good to a whole lot of people.
m, Zapp, all that a show needs is for
-"?t police to call it immoral, and a couple
I orchestra seats down front becomes
r??u gway as valuable as two perfect
'?atched pearls from ten carats apiece,"
?bbJ said. "The next time I get roped
"lor such a thing I would go to an op
-ian not a speculator and buy a pair of
'"-"dred dollar held glasses, and stand up
:3:? dollar in the back of the gallery. I
jaaYttve a lot of money that way."
And was. it .-,0 bad like the police
Well, I'll tell you," Birsky replied.
Y?u wouldn't think it to look at a po
?Huan what a delicate disposition such
' !'?er has got A New York policeman
l- get red over something in a theayter
:'ch for years respectable young fellers
'?I Old country has been taking their
-"?hers to see and neither of 'em turned
'"i!r. y'understand. Also down at Coney
JN a policeman will hide his face and
"? lor the police because a lady ha^
toon a bathing suit which if one of them
^tsses wore it in a Follies where they
^across p?anks over the heads of the
^?'d two dollar seats, y'understand,
wa>pared with the other ladies in the
'?* you would think she was dressed
starting out in an open oitermobile to
on her husband's relations. '
' ^'as the show s( bad like the po
"'d'" Zapp inquired once more.
Wel1. I'll tell you," Birsky repeated:
%hen the police receives a letter that a
show is immoral and they should please
look the matter up and oblige. Zapp, they
try to put themselves in the place of the
average theayter goer; but the only thinj>
is, they got an idee that people which
goes most to the theayter was never in
such a place before in their lives. In pai -
ticular, when it comes to a show like the
Russian ballet where the orchestra seats
would cost five dollars apiece at the box
office if they was for sale there, the police
thinks that excepting the ushers every?
body in the theayter is visiting New York
tor the first time from a place where they
still got an idee that dolmans is the latest
up-to-the-minute design in women's outer
garments, y'understand. and, not being
experienced in posters by this here Bakst,
they don't know whether it's 'Ben Hur'
or 'David the Shepherd King' till the cur?
tain goes up and shows the inside of the
harem with all the ladies not yet dressed
to receive company."
"Naturally people from the country
Zapp Wonders if It Was as Bad as
the Police Said, and Birsky, Who
Saw It but Doesn't Know,
Tries to Explain.
seeing such a thing would get a Schreel,"
"They would if they was there," Birsky
said, "but actresses and actors is got to
go a long way to shock a New York
audience. In fact. Zapp, if the police
knew their business they would arrest the
two front rows of a New Yoik audience
on looks alone, for the bad effect the faces
lias got on the morals of the actors and
actresses. However. Zapp, supposing that
the people which goes to see the Russiafl
ballet is as innocent as the police claims,
Zapp, it wouldn't make no difference any?
how, because a ballet is like the dcef and
dumb language, Zapp, people has got to
study it for years before they know what
it means. In fact, Zapp, if the police con?
tinues to find this here Russian ballet is
immoral. Zapp, you would see advertise?
ments in the paper :
LEARN TO BE A RUSSIAN BALLET
AUDIENCE AT HOME.
New method. You pay only for
the diagram and postage, which
is small. Everything illustrated.
Plain, simple, systematic. Write
for free booklet to-day.
Because as it stands now, you've got to
take the police's word for it that it's im?
moral. Even the fifty cent books which
the ushers Ines to sell you don't help you
any, which I picked up one in the aisle
and read it goin;; home in the subway,
and I give you my
word, Zapp, that
book was just so
good a description
of 'Within the
Law' cdrr 'Camille'
as it was of the
you've got to gut
imagination to en?
joy a ballet," Zapp
said, "and the trou?
ble with you is,
Birsky. that you
ain't got no imagi?
"Maybe I ain't,"
"sjber when the
book says: 'Mrs
Fatima Harris is
the favorite wife of
Sultan Charles Z.
stand. and a couple
of hundred young ladies comes out and
dances it for you, for all you understand
what they are driving at they might just
so well be dancing: 'This theayter with
every seat occupied, dm* gebt Gott, can
be emptied in three minutes. Look
around now and walk, not run,' or that
the management requests the ladies to
remove their hats. I claim to got just so
much imagination as anybody else, Zapp,
but with this heie Russian ballet it ain't
enough that you should be a mind reader
You've got to be a leg reader and that's
all there is to it."
"Might it's because you ain't acquaint?
ed with the Russian language maybe,"
Zapp suggested. "You take a Russian
ballet which ain't in the country two
weeks, y'understand, and naturally they
couldn't even talk the English language
let alone dance it."
"Then how did the police get on that it
was immoral?" Birsky asked.
"Probably they sent a policeman there
which speaks Russian," Zapp said.
"They've got such fellers on the police
force, Birsky. There is even policemen
which can shake down saloon keepers in
every European language, and Chinese
and loschen Uakod th also, Birsky, and
besides, Birsky, what business do you got
supporting a Russian ballet? I thought
you was agaimt the Allies."
"Mc against t'.i? Allies?" Birsky ex?
claimed. "How can
you say such a
thing? I've got just
so many customers
which is for the A!
lies as against 'em,
and I am perfectly
neuter about this
hete war. Furthei ?
more. I've been an
American s i t s o n
now going on twen?
ty-two years, and I
think that that oi
out in Detroyit is
quite right which
wouldn't give jobs
except to sitsons."
".tlirr if every?
body done the same
what's going to be
"They sent ?i policeman there ?mc ?f the Srcen"
whlch speaks Russian." horns?" Zapo
"They would arrest the two front rows on looks alone."
"Would We Be Better Off if Instead
of Vaudeville We Would Got Rus?
sian Ballets, for Instance?"
Zapp Wants to Know.
asked. 'It takes five years to get to be a
sitson. and in the meantime they must
got to -tarve. is that the idee? It's like
all them advertisements you see for ex?
perienced talesmen. If every concern
done the sime thin^. Zapp, a salesman
would got to start in as a new beginne.
with at least five years' experience as a
"Or else lie about it," Birsky said.
mAber you couldn't lie about being a
sitson," Zapp continued. "You've got to
show the papers."
"WtU, maybe this here oitermobile
concern says that they wouldn't promote
nobody unless he becomes ? sitson,"
"Even so," Birsky went on, "my idee
is that a feller should become a sitson
like he gets married. He should do it for
love, because if a feller gets married for
money and his wife should Goti toll
hueten go broke, he ain't going to stay
faithful to her very long, and if a feller
becomes a sitson to get a job. y'under
stand. all such a teller needs is to lose
his ;ob and right away he becomes just
so good an A met ican sitson as von Papen
or the H?tmburg American Line. Then
if we should have to go to war and would
got enough of them oitermobile factory
?itsons around, you wouldn't be able to
hear yourself think for the powder milh
"That's neither here nor there," Birsky
said. "There's only one way to look at
it: if a feller makes his living in a coun?
try, he should be a sitson."
"Is that so?" Zapp retorted. "Well,
if ail the Americans living in Mexico
would of taken out sitson papers there,
what would of happened to 'em?"
"The same as happened to 'em when
they didn't." Birsky said. "But, anyhow
Zapp, might if all the Americans which
went to Mexico would of become Mexi?
can sitsons, they would of Americanize I
the country maybe, and instead of revo?
lutions down there they would now gOv
direct primaries and referendums and
conventions and all that Stun, and in?
stead of bull fighting they would go:
moving pictures and vaudeville."
"Then take it the other way about."
Zapp insisted. "Supposing all the Rus?
sians which comes over here becomes sit
son? and starts in to Russiani/e the
country, would we be better off if instead
of Congressmen and conventions we
would got grand dukes and pogroms, and
instead of moving pictures and vaudeville
we would got Russian ballets, for in?
"Russian ballets!" Birsky cried.
"Then what the devil you are talkim,
nonsense, Birsky?" Zapp s.ud.
"Abet the United States is a real coun?
try." Birsky protested, "while Mexico?
that's something else aj>in."
"You bet your life it U." Zapp haid.
"and when a feller goat to make .i living
in Mexico, Birsky, there's only one thin"
he should ought to take out down there?
not sitson papers but life insurance."
Why You Can't Get a New Maid
^ ??*~l~MnS bureau was founded to help girls
4 cut of work find places; but it's be?
coming more of a first aid to help?
less housewives. We have our troubles."
The speaker was a little, fair-haired youn^;
woman whose blue eyes bubbled with sympa
thy and patience for poor old human nature.
She sat at her desk in a great, airy room on
the first floor of the office building at 55 La
layette Street, a room filled with rows and
rows of cane-scated chairs. On some of the
chairs women, young and old, were sitting
and waiting for work.
I had heard the lament of a friend who bad
advertised for a maid in three newspapers?in
? >ne of them three days running?and at the
end found his wife still doing her own work
and taking care of two children. So I had
come to Miss Catherine G. McAvey to ask her
what the matter was. To give her her official
title. Miss McAvey is in charge of the mer?
cantile and industrial department of the Pub?
lic Employment Bureau of the City of New
York: motto: "Free to ali."
"Of course, it's the war primarily," she sail
Bet?re immigration was cut off we had hun
dreds of thousands of likely girU pouring
into New York every year. Now an immigrant
girl is worth 1er weight in gold. For the las*
year and a half about all the new. urtrained
servants we have been getting have been a few
Swedes and other girls from Scandinavian
countries. The German girls, who were in
the most demand of all. have quit coming en?
"The lack of imn.i-;rants has caused a grent
shortage all along the line. Girls who would
have come over in the latter half of 1914 by
tins time would have had a year's training,
know i orne ??n?lish and be able to commun'!
$13 a month with the usual perquisites.
The girls can pick and choose?and they
do. They shun any family in which there is
more than one child. If they find their mis?
tress is fond of entertaining they leave. They
won't go to any quiet, suburban place?they
want to be near the moving picture shows
And they absolutely won't quit New York for
"The servant famine didn't start right after
the war be>_an. We had hard times then, you
remember. It was the piospenty, added to the
war. that has done it. Just before his sudden
death in December last Walte: Lincoln Seats.
I'.lio c-';iMished this bureau, wrote an articL
in whit li he proposed that we bring over war
w-iiiows and orphans from Europe to till up
the ?3Ps in the ranks of our domestic servants.
We could use them all. If they should ?udden
ly troop in here, tens of thousands of them, I
believe we would not take long to find them
places. If we cou'dn't use them all in New
York other cities would run special de luxe
trains to take them West.
"You see some girls sitting around here.
They won't be here long Not one of them is
seeking work as a domestic servant. No do?
mestic ever sits here long enough to warm her
chair. I reach in the card index as soon as
one appears, and a moment later she is tra.
elling toward a prospective place.
"AH the usual diificulties in the way of ob?
taining household workers are here to aggra?
vate matters. No American girl docs house?
work if she can possibly help it. You can put
this down in your book as gospel- Every
housemaid hates her work. Girls BSBSVf thirty
t:ve shun it like the plague. And girls over
thirty-five are not desired. The young girls
think their chance; of marrying are letter in a
factory or a store. The old domestic servant
i- 'Scrapped,' often remorselessly. Ni.^st rr.is
tressei aren't even consider the woman of
: ny five nr fifty.
I often have a girl who comes here to apply
lor a place as stenographer say: 'By the way.
can't you get a maid for my mother5' The first
time it almost took my breath away, hut w
>,rt used to funny things here. The stenog?
raphers are in clover, too. Last winter v. e
could supply experienced young women for
|l_ .1 wee!;. This winter they are getting $18
"I'm atrdid the women who employ servants
are largely to blame for their own trouble^.
Ii I send a very young i^irl to some women
they not only try to set her for nearly nothing
bat they ?.resume on her innocence to hold
her down to the longest hours of labor, and
not give her a single afternoon oh'! I could
give out many other instances of the tyranny
of housewives, but I do not want to seem to
"Here is a case which torched my heart.
There came here a Hungarian woman, speak?
ing fair English. She was big and strong,
but quite ai^ed. She had been in here several
times, and I sincerely wanted to help her. I
knew th3t the Charities Department employed
several charwomen over on the Island, paying
? e:n small wages. It was a kind of charity,
but charity disguised as real libor.
W IJf don't you go down to the Charitie.
Building.' They rr.i?ht"- I got no further.
"A look . f anger and disgust came over her
"'I den't want charity,' she cried. 'You have
no right to speak to me in that way.'
"The poor woman went out 'he door and
v.e haven't seen her since."
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