Newspaper Page Text
APRIL 16, 1922
TRIB?NE INS T ? I U T E
TWELVE PAGES PART V
permission to Hold a
Crooks9 Parade Later
Might Be Granted the
Underworld in Return
?or "Laying Off?
the Police Are
Iftorching on May 6
HE chain bolt is on the door, the win?
dow on the fire escape is fastened se?
curely (in violation, perhaps, of the
municipal fire ordinances, but in com
l??ete accord with Commissioner Enripht's re
rceri pamphie'i), the Airedale has been given
vis ration of raw meat and gunpowder, the old
innv .45 has ^c'"! reloaded, the steel bear trap
? the kitchen floor by the du3nbwaitcr has
keen set, An inspection of closets, alcoves and
the space beneath beds and behind portieres
?lid clothes i'^-^s has revealed no intruders.'
It is permissible to breathe freely. Now, to
The matter for discussion is the forthcom?
ing police pa-adr. According to an announce?
ment prepared beneath the cilded dome of
Hcadquartrr.. the force will parade on Fifth
Avenue Saturday, May 6. It is an annual
custom. Proba ? the first one was held for
much the same reason that an Indian medicine
Ban would hold a tribal dance, to propitiate
good spirits and frighten evil one?.
Possibly that is what is in Commissioner
Enright's mind now. He wants the depart?
ment to parade, horse, foot and gun?, to show
the un<icpvo>-!<l and these here interests just
what a formidable body they are defying
when they continue to blow safe?, loot loft?,
i jg ?prominei * citi2ena and (now we are
i] ? ? If tin interests") sneer at the po
?icojdministral on of create:- New York.
If that is r,<u the Commissioner's idea, then,
ran . he mu t hav.fi some sort of a secret
treaty with the underworld whereby ali
crookdom agrees to a twenty-four-hour armis?
tice while the-- police march. Do the crook
hadsrs pledge their followers to a day's lay?
off! 'We ask this, Commissioner, with the
lity o? Socrates.
1 weeks and weeks before the parade the
nate?i enemies of the city's outlaws drill
in preparation for this mass appearance. Since
March 28 the men have been hep, hep, heppinc
daily i?: three armories. Men assigned to
Manhattan and the Bronx have been rehearsed
as mercilessly as chorus girls under the eye
of Jake Shubert in the 71st Regiment Armory,
et Thirty-fourth Street and Park Avenue, and
g the 69th Regiment Armory, at Twenty-fifth
Street and Lexington Avenue. Brooklyn po?
licemen have been doing their practicing in
the 13th Regiment Armory, in Brooklyn. And
the crooks? Ah. they need no rehearsals.
Captain Charles E. Scofield is the d?part?
ent drillmaster, and the oops that wheel and
rn an'l perspire before his critical eye and
?rse commands arc well drilled when he
ta through with them. Perfection is what
li mando and gets. They are drilled by
?toads, by platoon?, by companies, by bat?
talion?, until their precision would earn the
tdmiration of the commandant of cadets at
Last year they moved up the avenue. Pos?
sibly they will follow the same line of march
to? year, passing a reviewing stand opposite
Madison Square. Mayor Hylan will lead.
?earing his r. ?Ik hat. Then will ooir3e
Commission.-- Enright and all his deputies,
reliar and special. After them the chief
Elector on horseback, with eight other
?WDted ?nsp, tors behind him. Next the
rohce Department's medal winners, and then
?e-coated battalions, marching eighteen
?peaat. It's a grand spectacle, but as they
Sarcii we wonder if they could hear any cries
'that might be shouted by distressed
Plens ? : Flatbush, the Bronx. Morningside
?Wrts ' say, two blocks east, on Third
'??'tnue? Well, for that matter, recall the
*cof Kicky Arnstein:
tor weeks and weeks the department had
|M conduct ng wha1 was spoken of as a
gion-wide search for the husband of Fanny
r".e. Then, on the day of the police parade
Wen Fifth Avenue was being- cleared of traf
-- in anticipation of the marchers, Nicky came
I in a33 automobile rode down
."? a Avenue, and never a cop recognized
p. Nicky halted his car by the Criminal
.Cj,'i Building, .nst ;i nervous glance at the.
^"Sacros the street and then hurried in
P to surrender himself to the District Al
n*y, and while he was doing that some un
"u??n Prr.-o'i (could it have been a crook?)
*~p along and stole his automobile. At that.
fr;-' moment probably the police marchers be
to mark time ii3 cadence with some
C*;''k:''' a . say, "Hail to the Thief:"
, ?>ow the question is, Where will the crooks
Mn May r, this year, while the police are
?**?*? Forget, for a moment, thai old
! *ez" "When cops turn out rogues have
Wr due." Would a crook with the tiniest
eana of sportsmanship in his make-up con
' '_'" take advantage of n situation of this
? The answer is "yes." The police pa
ably regarded by crooks as one of
weaka of the ramc. A kind of one-sided
yn,''e, as it wem.
B'Jt if Commissioner Enright. has negoti
li * treaty with the half world folks re
W i > P f il1,
By BOYDEN SPARKES
Illustration by ALBERT LEVERING
?*. .^??U t?v mP-WmBm^
i si 6,
WHY NOT A CROOKS' PARADE THIS YEAR?
Gem Robbers' Honor Squad, wearing its loot, passes the reviewing stand
sp May 6 Hip leasl that can be done in
re to declare a twenty-four hour closed
se i criminals. That would be a fitting
re ">n of the chivalric forbearance of
th "ieth century"Robin Hood?. Then the
cr lU?d have a parade.
mce, however, every one should airrr<*
th vil members of the Police Department
ar reserves Lady Godiva rules should
ap Yi3 one solitary look! No criminal
sh ' allowed by his leaders to "cut" the
pa or fear of being grabbed later by
:-o ceman who had seen him marching.
air of this sort offers a really splen
di tunity to the pageantry expe ' . TiV
es if the pageant is that all who take
pi residents in the place and locality,
th costumes and accei lories should be
m ally and that all clairs and ages
sh tare in a common enthusiasm for
bi back in the most vivid form almost
forgotten history, in which all should irrA. they
have ;i common ?mi equal part.
A natural pride in their own achievements
OI3 the part of marchers mighl interfere with
lili* success of tho affair as a pageant, but as a
more procession it would he splendid. There
would have to be, of course, a Fagin float, a
moving platform or stage on which would be
represented a scrawny, cruel-faced Fagin in
his garret teaching children to steal. ?Some
critics might object to a cruel-featured Fagin
on the ground that he was a benefactor of the
professio: a kindly, well-meaning individual
who"*" purposes have been misunderstood by
the lay. so to speak, ivorld.
But if the pageant offered any difficulties
there would remain all sort.-; of opportunities
f'M- making the parade a more spectacular
affair than were any of the Liberty Loan pro
cessions. As a sort of tentative order of
march it is suggested that a dope fiend glee
club singing "Jingle Bells" could lead the
column down Fifth Avenue.
Nexl there could be an honor squadron of
gem robbers, wearing their loot. Some of
these, if the burglary insurance companies
are trustworthy, could dress entirely in pearl
as does Doraldina, the muscle dancer, and
have, incidentally, a far more modosl costume
than she affects. It would be a pretty idea for
each member of this regiment (Is that too
many. Commissioner?) to carry a red, white
and blue umbrella so that the sun's rays could
not shine directly on their jewels. The flash
in;; reflections would be a frightful strain on
the eye- of the spectator? and might seriously
impair the future efficiency of the marc]
Fur robbers, all dressed to represent Rob?
inson Crusoe, but in sables and sea' instead
of goat skins, should have a place near the
head of the line. They would be hot and
uncomfortable wearing such costumes and
should be spared the ordeal of standing in
formation Y.- a longer time than -.*. -:r- abso?
A similai consideration should cam a place
near the head of the line for the surviving
: Y ; ;.! in IV - . ?me wave of 187:.. These
veteran crooks probably would bo unable io
march the entire distance in a lockstep, a
strange and ludicrous marching method that
form? '!,? was in vogue in penitentiaries.
Plenty of high-powered cars should ho ava
able. Modi n crooks have little opportunity
for learni; g the ?ock.-it? p.
After them (here should be a little relief
from the mon ?tony of marching men, so it
might be well to have another float. This one ?
could present a tableau shoving a ix-yeai
old Wall Street messenger with a satchel of
Liberty bonds slung from his shoulder being
lured into a candy store by a bond robber
While the Streets Are
Unsafe, a Police Pa?
rade Savors o? the In?
dian Medicine Man9
Who Makes an Elab?
orate Noise to Scare
Away Evil Spirits
who would identify bis calling by p slungshot
held behind his back. Some news interest
plight be pained hero by letting it be known
that a real n^.-^nger was Ailing the role of
the six-year-old boy. This should not be diffi?
cult to arrange.
Now for the aristocrats of the underworld,
the born criminals, the Barrymores of thug
?lom. the Lombroso criminal types: Just as
Ceneral Pershing selected a r?gnent 0f the
? finest soldiers of the A. PI. V. to march with
him in the capitals of the Allied nations after
the armistice, so those in charge of thi3 pro- **
cession might organize a division of heredi?
tary criminals, all men with receding fore?
heads, wolfish eyes, massive jaws, prognathous
rhins and .'-bulls without symmetry. With
their long ape-like arms swinging as they
strode down the avenue they would 3nake a
grand picture. They could inarch in solidly
formed companies in the fashion in which
the Germans used to attack. As the Germans
rushed forward to be mowed down by machine
gun fire their advances were referred to as
waves. These thug marchers could do it like
that. Crime waves, one might say. Still,
t?tere is an objection to thai. Commissioner
Enright might misconstrue such an arrange?
ment. He docs not approve any use of the
expression "crime wave." There isn't any such
thing, according to the Commissioner; New
York is as safe at midnight as at, noon.
The inside job worker', too, should have a
place up among the first divisions of the
parade. Marching in the costumes of moving
picture butlers and footmen? with breeches,
satin coats and powdered wigs, 'hey ought to
add much color to the procession. Most of
these snen would wish to get back to their
places at the earliest possible moment. Busi?
ness before pleasure, of course, and a dissat?
isfied master or mistress is a handicap to a
Second-story workers wearing 1 ubber-soled
shoes and carrying scaling ?adders similar to
those used by the Fire Department, dumb
waiter shaft burglars and porch climbers
ought to form a separate division.
A similar combination could be arranged
with the safe blowers. They could be grouped
according to method, the acetylene torch
crowd its 0130 regiment, the nitroglycerine
school in another and the Jimmy Valentina
touch system fellows in yet another.
Ex-convicts throughout the parade might
advertise their records wit it transparencies
held above their heads. On these could be
printed in bold letters '"Six years in Sins- Sing
for loft breaking-' or "I broke out of San
Quentin to eo3ne here" or "Give me credit for
two years as vice-president of Prisoners' Wel?
fare League of Jouet." Similarly, the "fence?"
of the profession might get a decent bit of
advertising by carrying banners displaying;
their rates, a? "Half wholesale market price
on silks" or "Quick market and fair prices for
Oriental rugs" or "Bring your pearls to Whis?
The parade should not be too long. For?
eign delegations, such as Paris Anaehes,
should be limited. The K] ;,- s should be in?
vited to wear baggy trousers, wide red sashes
and wilted caps. This portion of the proces?
sion could be made une of it 3 most interesting
features, with costumed matchers represent?
ing Philippine ladrones, Ch nese pirates, In?
dian assassins. But, as was said, these groups
should be limited, it would never do to let
?he impression gel abroad that Nov.- York was
a place where any crook' could make a living.
Home industries have got to 'ne protected, and
there is no high tariff wall against imported
rhere ."'re two things more: Manufacturers
of bra.--: knucks, blackjacks and pistols prob?
ably would want a place in line. They should
be forced to pay for the privilege. The money
gained in this way could be turned over to the
widows and orphans of the victims of the
crime wave of 1922. The other thing is this:
It probably would please the public and serve
an ancient, fiction if, instead of grading the
marchers according to height, "dressing the
line," as they say in the army, a tall robber
invariably bad inarching beside him a shorter
fellow. Victims of hold-ups never fail in
giving a description of their assailahts to the
police to describe "otee tall man and one
horf fellow." So strong a hold has this fancy
on the public's mind that it would be a bitter
disappointment to them to discover that crimes
are sometimes committed by twins, similar in
size and appearance. If such a pair ever
does take to the highway, however, the crook
no3nenclature squad at Headquarters has a
name for them. They would be the "gold
The me3i of the Police D?partaient are a
most couiagcous body. But those men of the
French army who decreed "They shall not
pass" also were brave, though their leaders
never got the idea while the Germans were
pounding Verdun that it would be a good
notion to take the poilus out of the trenches
back to Paris and have them pass in review
beneath the Arc de Triomphe. They did th*t
when the war was over.